Trying Season, Amy Watson

Trying Season

Amy Watson (née Wilson)

This trying season Is part science, mostly prayer And I have never come to terms with that second part.

At the dentist they ask, is there a chance you could be pregnant? I want to say Oh, I hope so.

I feel our friends watching when we are out, wondering Until I order a glass of wine and their faces say Oh, not yet.

I had never thought to doubt my body Until one day, under the glow of an ultrasound machine the technician said Oh, it will be difficult.

Two surgeries and several doctors later, I’ve reclaimed some sense of control. Still, this hollow feeling – hopefulness? helplessness? – Is not something I know how to hold.

Instead, I imagine you, bundled in my arms. I knit tiny things and gather them in the cedar chest While your father worries that I am breaking my own heart.

His anticipation is quiet and still Like the stack of cherry wood milled and drying For the cradle he will build.

Those patient boards chart the seasons of his parents’ land Where he played as a boy and where we were married. They carry a deeply rooted hope.

Like us – scrying for a sign of you, Praying for a line of you – They wait to be transformed.