Ki Te Tuohu Koe, Me He Maunga Teitei | Overcoming Obstacles

Billie-Rae shares with readers the life-changing impact that the Positive Lifestyle Programme (PLP) has on his life, which he completed with programme facilitator Beverly Parkinson at the Community Ministries centre at Hamilton City Corps.

I am filled with a sense of gratitude and accomplishment that I never thought I would experience. My journey to this moment has been long and fraught with challenges, but it has also been transformative and empowering.

Six years ago, my world fell apart when my four-year-old daughter passed away after a long battle with cancer. Losing her was the hardest thing I have ever endured. She was born with cancer and fought bravely through several remissions before it finally took her from us. Her passing left me broken and consumed with grief and anger. I felt like a failure because I was unable to protect my little girl.

The strain of this grief took its toll on my marriage, and my wife and I eventually separated. She needed to find a way to cope, to be carefree, while I was sinking deeper into despair.

I turned to alcohol, thinking it would numb the pain, but it only made things worse. I isolated myself, consumed by anger and sadness. My family saw how I was drowning in my grief and urged me to seek help. I was hesitant, but deep down I knew I needed to change for the sake of my surviving children.

When I first came to the PLP at The Salvation Army, the facilitator helped me confront my pain and taught me how to manage my grief. The biggest lesson I learned was that I could not change the past, but I could change how I responded to it.

Pathway to healing

Another pivotal moment in my recovery was attending the Man-Up programme. It gave me the space to share my story and realise that I was not alone. Talking about my trauma and hearing others’ experiences was incredibly healing. I also found solace in faith and started attending church and reconnecting with a spiritual path that I had abandoned.

Slowly but surely, I began to change. I started attending PLP classes with a new sense of purpose, dressing up and carrying myself with pride. Spending time with my teenage daughters, I noticed how they began to see the changes in me. One particular moment stands out, when we went to McDonald’s and there was an issue with the ordering system. Normally this would have triggered my anger but, instead, I stayed calm. My daughter noticed and commented on how different I was. It was a powerful affirmation that I was on the right path.

My journey also took me to Hamilton due to bail conditions, but this move was another step towards healing. Reconnecting with family there, I found the support and encouragement to continue my transformation. They witnessed my effort to make amends and heal, and we are working on restoring our relationships.

One of the most significant tests of my progress happened recently at The Salvation Army. I was sitting waiting for my PLP facilitator to come out, when I saw my ex-wife—an encounter that once would have triggered a violent reaction in me. But instead of anger, I felt calm and even prayed for her. This was a monumental shift in my behaviour and mindset.

Future focused

As I look to the future, my goal is simple yet profound: I want to be able to host a good old-fashioned BBQ with my whole family, free from the chains of alcohol, where we can laugh and enjoy each other’s company. I want to be a man my children can look up to, someone who has faced his demons and emerged stronger.

I couldn’t have reached this point without the support of The Salvation Army and PLP, and everyone else involved in my journey. Thank you for believing in me when I struggled to believe in myself.

I have now graduated from the PLP—this is not just an end, but a new beginning. I am ready to embrace life with hope and positivity.

The Positive Lifestyle Programme (PLP) is a Salvation Army programme which focuses on self-awareness and personal development. Participants attend eight, one-hour sessions on self-awareness, anger, depression and loneliness, stress, grief and loss, assertiveness, self-esteem and future directions. Trained facilitators deliver this programme across most Community Ministries centres, some receiving government funding for this transformational programme. Please pray for our skilled facilitators and the hundreds of people who engage with this programme each year. Contact carolyn.smith@salvationarmy.org.nz, the national programme facilitation coordinator, for further information.