Just keep swimming! Diary of self-isolation Week 3

Major Karen Sandford (Harlow) continues her day-by-day account of life in lockdown

DAY 15-Tuesday 31 March

Chris is more or less confined to bed today, Joel returned to work and I’ve had a big culture shock. After 14 days indoors I thought I’d pop to the shop on the way to work to check on the availability of medical supplies and get a treat to share with our centre co-ordinator, Lorraine, who has been holding the fort.

I wasn’t prepared for the lines of people, the pharmacy bringing prescriptions outside or the eerie silence. I beat a hasty retreat to the car.

Life has changed dramatically in ways I had only caught a glimpse of over the past 14 days. I apologise to those who have faced this day after day, while I’ve regaled you with tales of our isolation. I am full of admiration for key workers. I’m proud to join them today.

DAY 16-Wednesday 1 April

I was grateful today that it’s not what you know but who. I needed some underwear and socks for a man experiencing homelessness, so I popped to Asda.

‘I’m Karen Sandford.’ (Blank look.) ‘I’ve got a letter of authority.’ (Blank look.) ‘I’m Joel’s mum.’ (Waved through with a smile and a welcome.)

I was told it was the busiest day ever at the corps food bank. We’re running low on a few staples now, and may have to do a shop.

As I began to feel my energy dropping I realised I needed to come home. When preparing worship my head usually has plenty to draw from as Sunday is my main area of attention. Now my brain is being pulled in different directions, so I find it harder to focus; nevertheless, the worship sheet still needs preparing.

The remainder of the day is for rest. ‘Be still, and know that I am God’ (Psalm 46:10) is the only answer for me. And maybe some chocolate.

DAY 17-Thursday 2 April

We’ve had bad news about one of our corps members. It’s not over yet but it will take a miracle. So we’re praying. And crying. And trying to take one day at a time, because the thought of all the grief that lies ahead is overwhelming.

Once again I’m grateful for technology. A video call to Mum. A prayer over the phone from someone else. Reaching out is the way forward. We’re not designed to carry this stuff alone.

DAY 18-Friday 3 April

Highlights today included waking up with soft, shiny hair after washing it with an egg (you’ll have to read my online diary for more details), walking Daisy in the woods, making soup, messaging people, delivering things to corps members, and a virtual, socially distanced hug and a brief chat on the doorstep with one of the people affected by yesterday’s news.

Joel is at work but the rest of us have mainly been working from home. All of us are coming to terms with lost things. It’s not easy but we will adjust. Hang in there. God’s got this. And he’s got you.

DAY 19-Saturday 4 April

I made the word ‘Hosanna’ on the grass with sticks. It was something I’d suggested on our corps worship sheet for Palm Sunday but it proved a bit tricky, as Daisy really wanted to run off with the sticks.

It’s been a struggle to switch off. I usually go to the cinema, or for a long walk or a swim. So I sat in the garden and read for a bit, sent a video to some friends for their anniversary, then did some colouring while watching Mary Poppins.

One of my best friends phoned. It’s so uplifting to hear her voice.

DAY 20-Sunday 5 April

When I woke this morning my head was completely blocked, and vertigo, my old nemesis, had put in an appearance.

Palm Sunday. Not so much waving palm branches, as pretty much everything waving before my eyes when I moved. I spent the morning listening to an audio book of Wuthering Heights. We’re going to the theatre later: the National Theatre has released a recording of One Man, Two Guvnors on YouTube. We have ice creams for the interval.

Palm Sunday for me will be about becoming aware of Jesus right where I am, praising him from my heart – as I can’t jump up and down – and being grateful for all we have.

DAY 21-Monday 6 April

On the Monday of Holy Week, I usually have a retreat day, reflecting on the week ahead.

I’m good at encouraging people to do what they do best. But sometimes it’s hard not to see what others are doing and feel like I’m failing.

I needed the space today to have my Lion King moment – that point when Mufasa comes to Simba in his despair and says, ‘Remember who you are.’ Bearing the image of the Father is something I can do.

My leadership, my ministry, my life may not look like anyone else’s; I’m OK with that most of the time. And when I forget this, Scripture says: ‘Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine’ (Isaiah 43:1 New Revised Standard Version).

My retreat day involved reading, music, walking, eating, knitting and watching part of the The Passion on DVD. I missed the usual ingredients of a retreat but God spoke, which is really the point.

To read Karen’s daily posts in full, go to karensandford.blogspot.com