UNI FORM.
Volume 1: Obsession
Uniform Publication January 2017
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editor’s lette R Obsessed with symmetry? Superstitious? Quirks like these can usually be down to personality or preference, but in some cases they may be a sign of obsessive-compulsive disorder. In your hands you witness the first issue of Uniform publication. Exploring meditation and mindfulness, it aims to alleviate the compulsive habits and ritualistic behaviour that haunts daily life by testing the limits of individual sufferers. Take a ride and join the revolution towards mindfulness. If this publication is able to stimulate the mind of only one person, and encourage daily changes that push the boundaries of compulsive behaviour, that would be enough. So read on and conquer your goals. Samantha.
Mindfulness Relief
Habit
Obsession
Behaviour Reassurance
Anxiety Compulsion
Fear Triggars
Rational
Rituals Control
Irrational Paranoia
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O6D O B S E S S I V E L M Z I F N O R D Y O S L A U T I R U U R R U O I V A H E B T N S A S C C V U R N G W A A J D P H R O E V I S L U P M O C D I S O R D E R F W
6 words to find: obsessive / compulsive / disorder rituals / control / behaviour
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Obsessive
Compulsi
Paranoia
Mindfuln
sive Obsessive
Irrational
Compulsion Paranoia
Control
Compulsion
Control Anxiety
ety
Rituals
noia
ituals
Anxiety Irrational Control
Irrat
Obsessiv Anxiety
Obsessi Anxiety
Compulsion Control
ion
Rituals
Control Irrational
Obsessive ness Irrational
Paranoia
Mindfulness
Control
Irrational
Anxiety
Rituals
Mindfulness Paranoia
Control
Anx
ve
Rituals
Irrational
Obsess pulsion
tional
CHECKING TA P P I N G COUNTING OBSESSED CHECKING TA P P I N G COUNTING
T
AP
THIS
PAGE 4 TIMES OR SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN
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Wendy The relationship started when I was 5-years-old. It was powerful and contagious, and I became obsessed. It was my first time getting dressed in the morning without my mum; my first shot at independence. I picked out an A-line dress and matched it with a pale pink cardigan and petrol blue slip on shoes. They were always my favourite. This was a big deal for me because I had always hated the way that my mum would put my socks on half way up my legs before putting on my pants. It made no logical sense: I needed some order. This was brushed off as a silly childhood quirk that later became the soundtrack to my life. Throughout my teens, I hid my rituals. Pants? Check. Bra? Check. Socks, rolled over twice?
Check.
My actions certainly weren’t guided by logic. That was one of the most infuriating parts of living with OCD, because I knew that what I was doing made no sense, but I did it anyway. Detached from reality, I’d disguise my habits. I didn’t want to look insane but before I’d even step foot in the park with my friends I’d find my hand plunged into my pocket reaching for a packet of disinfectant wipes. But nobody needed to see, not if I was fast. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me, and I couldn’t tell anyone about it incase they locked me up. If I couldn’t stand up to this voice in my head, how would I be able to stand up to anyone else? So I continued in my own secret path to sanity, performing my rituals for a fleeting second of relief. Go down the slide four times or something bad will happen. Check. Do it again. Check. I was infatuated, writing lists to try and ease the anxiety and keep me on track with daily life. Gradually list making turned into an excessive perfectionism; a religion that only I was destined to follow. I strongly believed that this is what I was born to do and I suffered in silence for years because all that I knew about obsessive compulsive disorder was that people wash their hands. This couldn’t have been further from the truth. Fifty years later and I’m still tied to my paradoxical thoughts. The more I try to escape, the more they bounce back; louder, harder and in glorious technicolour. So instead, I delay the urge to perform my relief-seeking rituals until I resist them altogether. I’ve given enough time to this illness. I gather my thoughts and I journey on to the bus stop, passing that same old park on my way. The children scream, the parents gossip and the dogs bark as I notice that it has waited for me again. That familiar, unwelcome stranger, weighing me down and pulling at the roots of my hair. I reach out for the gate and I step in the park. Not today.
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Above: Socks
Below: Sefton Drive
Above: Aged five
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Above: Huddersfield Opposite: Hula
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Below: November 2016
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Trash
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Below: Strike a pose
Previous: Plastic
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Above: Synthetic
I do not have
OCD OCD OCD
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Anti-OCD Manifesto Obsessed with symmetry? Superstitious? Quirks like these can usually be down to personality or preference, but in some cases they may be a sign of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). OCD is an anxiety disorder marked by repetitive and distressing thoughts that manifest themselves in compulsive rituals. Often the person carries out the rituals in a desperate attempt to remove the obsessive thoughts, providing temporary relief. If you find yourself suffering with similar symptoms, follow these twenty steps to meditate your mind and alleviate your OCD woes. 1. From this day forward, refuse to be a prisoner of your mind. Release the need for control and surrender to your own natural rhythm. 2. Make friends with your imperfections. They are the side effects of being human, and one small crack does not mean that you are broken. Let go of the weight of relentless perfection and continue in your own perfect chaos. 3. Know that despite popular belief, it is entirely possible to overcome OCD. 4. Always expect the unexpected. You can have an obsessive thought at any time, place or stage in the recovery process. Don’t let this throw you. Remember that difficult roads can lead you to beautiful destinations. 5. Stop over analysing. Remember that it is okay to not finish everything that you started and mistakes are simply lessons learned. 6. You don’t always get what you want, no matter how hard you work. Sometimes things don’t work out the way you want them to, and that is okay. 7. Remove all sources of negativity. This shouldn’t need to be said, but yet it does. Eliminate negative, toxic people from your life and surround yourself with positive people that reflect who you want to be and how you want to feel. Energy can be contagious. 8. Keep focused and don’t allow your past to influence your future. The only time that you will fail is when you stop trying.
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9. Accept, rather than resist, your obsessive thoughts. Although you can battle against performing a compulsion, you cannot refuse to think an obsessive thought so the more you accept them, the better you will do. 10. Stop doubting yourself. The secret to happiness is the acceptance of yourself. Learn to celebrate how far you have come already. 11. All great achievements involve great risk. It might make sense to avoid the situations that trigger your OCD, but the more you avoid them, the scarier they will feel. Be willing to accept risk as a fundamental aspect of life because not recovering from OCD would be the biggest risk of all. 12. Be grateful for this moment, it is all that there is. You will never figure it all out, but that is what makes life so beautiful: our ability to be humbled by a world that is bigger than us. 13. Take responsibility and ownership. Don’t waste time trying to prevent your thoughts. This can have the opposite affect. “If you want to think about them less, think about them more” – Fred Penzel. 14. Do not forget that OCD is illogical and rarely makes sense. Recovery takes time. However long it may take, it is vital that you see the process through to the end. You are not crazy, you are not alone, and you can get help. 15. A head full of fears will leave no space for dreams. 16. Life is simply too short to worry about the small stuff. Yes, this is almost painfully clichéd, but it is equally crucial. Dwell in the present and interrupt anxiety with gratitude. 17. You reap what you sow. 18. Never seek reassurance from yourself or from others. Reassurance is a form of compulsion, no matter how hard you try to justify it. Believe in recovery and believe that there are always people out there that are worse off than you, regardless of what you are told to believe. 19. It is impossible to live up to everyone’s expectations, so there is no point in stressing yourself out trying to do so. You can’t please everyone. 20. Breathe. “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you are right.” - Henry Ford.
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Below: Tension Opposite: Paranoia
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Above: Thoughtlessness Opposite: Distortion
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Opposite: Parallel Below: Submerged
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Below: Covert
Above: Trance
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Below: Warped
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Above: Preoccupied
6:30, 6:31 “Bop it, twist it, flick it, pull it, spin it, bop it!” The familiar tune that captures my childhood. It wasn’t just a game, it was an addiction, that showed me hope and achievement and pride. I was good at Bop It. And don’t we all need something that we’re good at? But I find myself in my late 20s, singing that same theme tune to different lyrics. “Touch it, clean it, tap it, wipe it.” And repeat x10. I didn’t mention it in my Christmas cards, but it’s still there. What is it that lies, seamless in the even space between my words? It’s not something I was born with, I taught myself to repeat these things. After all, practice makes perfect, right? A stream of rituals is now embedded in the DNA of my everyday life. Close the door, three times. Climb the stairs, stop. Right foot first, left foot follows. Don’t we all crave symmetry and balance? I begin to obsess over the smallest things. “Dot your i’s and cross your t’s” a life lesson adopted at age 5. I’m meticulous but I’m not a perfectionist. I trace the lines on the palms of my hands, they’re not straight. Where is the map to ease this maze? I lie. Tormented in my bed. With each tick of the clock I lose another ounce of sanity, tick, tock, tick, tock, I must get up in the morning. “6:30, 6:31, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.” But something doesn’t feel right, it has to be in perfect sync and rhythm. “6:30, 6:31, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.” I sing my song of failure, my life on rewind. It feels as though it will never stop, haunting my imagination in a vicious cycle that only I can end. Tick, tock, tick, tock. But then. Silence. Nothing but perfect synchronicity and perfect rhythm and perfect exhaustion. Am I free?
Below: Liberated
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January 2017