Trust Me! One Mediator’s Search for the Key to Building Client Trust by Joe Murphey
“No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.”
T
he above quote is attributed to Teddy Roosevelt (TR). Even aside from having the pleasing, lyrical flourish of a phrase well turned, this statement succinctly expresses a profound truth about how we come to place our trust in others. Put another way: the pathway to trust begins with our intentions (how much we care) not our competence (how much we know). As a mediator, I meet clients every morning I will be asking to place trust in me—both in my skills and my intentions—by late afternoon as they are confronted with conflicting options and agonizing choices. From the first time I heard the TR quote above, it has been a guiding light to me; the key to earning and holding the trust of clients. Only recently have I taken a deeper dive into the concept embodied by this quote, to see what’s really under the hood. Is there more than just clever wordplay at work here? Turns out there is a lot of research, much of it scholarly, on point. TR was really onto something.
The Science Behind Trust in Human Interactions If you Google the phrase “Why do people trust in others?” or “What is the basis of trust?” you’ll tap into a geyser of information. The questions of why, how, and when trust forms in human interactions have been given much thought and deliberation. If you’re looking for a onestop-shop where the notion of “trust” has been analyzed across multiple disciplines—psychological, philosophical, societal, economic, and more—I found just the place for you to click: Trust Project Videos. https://www.kellogg. northwestern.edu/trust-project/videos/browse-all-videos. aspx. The Trust Project at Northwestern, per the home
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Attorney Journals Orange County | Volume 196, 2022
page, “features scholars and executives exploring trust in videos that cover theory, research and practice.” (RabbitHole Warning: These videos are fascinating, extensive, searchable and they scroll real-time written transcripts as you watch. The transcripts are also “clickable” for even deeper dives into the extensive research behind every assertion made. You can spend a lot of time in there if you’re not careful. I wasn’t careful.) But after I finally surfaced from the depths of the Trust Project website, I was only more convinced of the truth of the TR quote above. Teddy really summed up in one sentence what it took NWU researchers a lot more time and space to elaborate upon and prove through rigorous study. That is not to say these researchers and scholars wasted their time. Knowing why trust begins first with intentions and only secondarily relies upon competence, is very enlightening. And to a mediator, a person for whom building trust with strangers is a daily requirement, it is beyond fascinating—it’s El Dorado. Let’s explore some of what the Trust Project researchers tell us, and then riff on these concepts with scenarios of our own.
The Three Elements of Trust in Business Transactions Kent Grayson, NWU Professor of Marketing, isolates three elements of trust in business transactions. (I’m focusing for this article on trust in business transactions. Trust in longterm, personal relationships involves complexities that are far beyond the scope of our inquiry.) The three elements of trust in business transactions are: competency, honesty, and benevolence. The latter two are somewhat overlapping. Competency means essentially that you know what you’re
