Networking: How to Disengage from a Dead-End Conversation by Mike O’Horo
W
e’ve all found ourselves trapped in a dead-end conversation at a networking event. Someone drones on about a topic in which you have no interest. Or, it’s simply someone you don’t like. Or, there’s nothing wrong with the topic or the person, but you can’t spend that much time with any one person. You need an escape that doesn’t require you to be rude. Before I give you some tricks to manage this situation, let’s first take a look at why this happens, and how you can avoid most of it. This problem is often the result of aimlessly talking with anyone and everyone about almost anything, because you have no clear purpose. Since you don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish, you’re neither screening conversation partners nor directing the conversation. You’re guaranteeing irrelevant or indulgent chatter. Randomness also causes you to go to the wrong events, populated by too few people of the type you want to meet. When you go to an event simply because it’s available, you’re taking the Fogameer Approach, i.e., speaking with anyone who can fog a mirror.
Don’t Network; Hunt The solution? Change your approach from networking to hunting. My definitions of the terms are intentionally stark, perhaps even a bit harsh: Networking: You hang around any available event, with no purpose, chatting with as many people as you can, initiating “relationships,” thinking that coming home with a biz card from anyone with a pulse constitutes some type of success. Hunting: You know who you want to speak with, and more importantly, who you don’t. You have a specific profile of who would need someone with your skills, and the conditions that trigger demand for those skills and expertise. You only attend events with a high likelihood of being populated with people who match that profile. You spend your time filtering the room, briefly exploring the problem you solve, testing for those who acknowledge having that problem, and disengaging from others as graciously as possible. When you arrive and pick up your badge, take a look at how it’s formatted. Where does the company name appear? Is it easily read from 5-6 feet away? If so, you can scan badges to identify the wearer’s likely industry affiliation, and avoid those who
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Attorney Journals San Diego | Volume 218, 2021
are irrelevant. (In your profiling exercise, you’ll have deduced which industries have high concentrations of companies experiencing your demand-triggering problem.)
Your Escape Plan Even so, you’ll still occasionally get trapped. When that happens, the way to escape graciously is to first test whether or not the person acknowledges that her company is experiencing, or faces, your demand-triggering problem. You (reading her badge): “Hello, Jane. Mike O’Horo (extending your hand). Nice to meet you.” Jane: “Jane Newman. Nice to meet you, too, Mike.” You (pointing to her badge): “Integrated Biometrics? I’m not familiar with your firm, but it sounds like you might be in the secure access business. How close am I?” Jane: “Good guess. We make biometric identification devices that secure sensitive areas for hospitals and defense contractors.” Jane’s company matches your target profile. You: “From what I see in the business press, that’s a very dynamic business these days.” Jane: “Oh, yes. It feels like the technology changes monthly. It borders on chaos.” You: “Besides the pace of technical innovation, it seems like biometric security companies are also wrestling with [your demand-triggering problem]. You’re in the business. Tell me, am I on track, or way off base?” Jane: “You’re pretty close, but [Jane modifies your understanding of the problem].” You: “Thanks for clarifying. That makes sense. I’d love to chat with you about some ideas I have for dealing with that, but I don’t want to monopolize your attention. You’re here to network. Would it make sense for us to explore this by phone over the next week or so?” Jane: “Sure, but this week is a bear for me.”
