10 Steps to a More Joyful Season

It’s a common question: How does my family have a joyful holiday season that doesn’t leave us exhausted, miserable and broke? We have the answers! Here are 10 ways to shift your perspective and take command of this special time of the year.

Let go of perfection. Nothing burns holes into the fantasy holiday season like real life. Maybe the tree is lopsided, the dog ate your son’s gingerbread house, or you were so focused on creating the best event ever that you became too sick to enjoy it when the big day arrived.

“Decide to do things differently this year,” says therapist Julia Flynn, LCPC. “Strive for good and be satisfied with good. Too often the focus is on the result, and we tend to lose focus on the beautiful process of getting to the result.”

Don’t overcommit. Decide ahead of time which activities won’t work this year. Instead of committing to five parties and multiple gift exchanges, choose a couple that you’re enthusiastic about.

“Be firm, decisive and assertive, always coming from a place of love and keeping the focus on the origin of the holidays,” says Flynn, who specializes in helping women manage anxiety, depression and holiday overwhelm. “Graciously decline and send a nice note.”

Rediscover the “why.” Take time to reevaluate priorities. How do you want the season to feel? What do you want the kids to remember?

“Sometimes we need to take a step back and ask ourselves why this time of year is important to us,” says Maki Moussavi, a life coach and book author. “It becomes an expectation of self and family to have it look a certain way. Take a step back to assess, from an intangible, emotional perspective, why the holidays are important.”

Rest. Self-care is essential all year, but especially during busy holidays when your stress level may skyrocket. Do what reasonably makes sense for your health, time and emotional wellbeing.

Practice restorative techniques that relax and reenergize you, such as taking a warm bath, watching a favorite movie, curling up with a good book, taking a walk or nap, or getting a massage.

Prioritize family. Attempts to please others without taking your family’s wishes into account causes undue anxiety, frustration and resentment. “The holidays are about family time—appreciating one another and caring for each other,” says Flynn. “If the focus is on less important gatherings, you can’t enjoy the experience and the original meaning is lost.”

For events you’d like to attend but can’t, firmly communicate to those people that you would like to discuss alternative ideas or dates to get together. Don’t feel guilty about standing by your decisions.

“You have every right to establish your holiday traditions,” Moussavi says. “You are not obligated to participate in somebody else’s version of the season.”

Invite your partner’s participation. If you feel overwhelmed because you’re trying to manage holiday prep on top of working and taking care of kids, ask your spouse for help. Discuss what you’d both like the season to look and feel like. “Sometimes it’s not that men don’t want to be involved,” says Moussavi. “It’s that they are never invited to be—and they don’t ask.” Maybe your partner can mail packages, purchase event tickets or take charge of a few gifts.

Don’t allow anyone to steal your joy. Plan ahead for individuals who love to bait you into an upsetting conversation at annual gatherings. Since you know what to expect, rehearse your response for when they pounce. “Get better at making it clear what you will and won’t tolerate,” Moussavi says. “Standing up for yourself is normal, empowered, adult behavior.”

Arm yourself with responses like: “I’m here to enjoy myself. I don’t want to talk about that right now.” Or, “Let’s agree to disagree.”

Simplify. “The holidays are manageable if we allow them to be,” Flynn says. “What makes holidays so difficult is our own thinking.” Experiment with small changes to relieve stress. Hire a caterer for a party. Forgo Christmas cards this year. For relatives who have everything, send flowers or make a donation in their name to an organization they love.

Don’t compare yourself with others. As Theodore Roosevelt once quipped: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Some people enjoy casting their home in a professionally-created holiday glow while others prefer to hang a festive wreath on the door and call it good. Do what brings you pleasure and makes sense for your budget.

Give from your heart. Rather than twisting yourself in knots seeking the perfect present for everyone on your list, take a more light-hearted approach to gift-giving. For example, give a digital photo album commemorating a fun getaway, or an experience like tickets to the zoo or a concert. Volunteering your time is also a fulfilling way to give.

“If you are intentional, you can make the holidays about love, caring, understanding, enjoying quality time together and treating each other as the precious beings we are,” Flynn says.

Freelance writer Christa Melnyk Hines plans to slow down this holiday season to focus more on the magic of the season and less on lopsided Christmas trees.

Simple Ways to Spread Holiday Cheer

• Practice random acts of kindness

• Sponsor or support a family in need

• Volunteer for a charity

• Start a new family tradition

• Decorate cookies with your kids

• Host a hot chocolate party

December 2021 • SanDiegofamily.com • 17