Ways to Help Parents with a New Baby

(even those in the NICU)

As you look around your community for ways to support others this month, don’t forget about families who are welcoming new babies, especially if you know any who are spending time in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit).

Six years ago, I gave birth to triplets six weeks before their due date. We also had three older children at home who needed our love and attention. One of our babies was born with a congenital heart defect and was transferred to a separate hospital for surgery. We had six children in three different locations and struggled to manage household basics and mental health. This is when support from family and friends was really helpful.

All new parents can use some extra support, but may not know what to ask for or how to ask for it. No birth experience is the same, but there are universal ways to support families that have a new baby. Below, NICU parents share realistic suggestions on how to help.

Provide Basics

Maintaining basic functions in a household can become difficult when preoccupied with a newborn and recovering from birth. One of the best and easiest ways to help a family is to provide a meal or restaurant gift card so the parents don’t have to plan, shop for or cook meals.

“Gift cards for restaurants near the NICU allowed us to have a short break and eat a meal before returning,” says Erin Dickerson. Cindy Price agrees, “Gift cards for food, gas or other items were the biggest help.”

Other practical ways to help include housecleaning, mowing the lawn, running errands and taking care of pets so parents can focus on their newborn.

Sarah Lyons

“My friends arranged to have my house deep cleaned before the baby came home,” says Lyndsey GruberChatfield. “After 98 days in the NICU, things got a little disorderly at home. It was so nice to have someone take care of that for me.”

Help with Other Kids

One of the challenging parts of having a baby in the NICU (when you have other kids) is feeling guilty about not having time or energy to focus on the older children. Friends and relatives can be a huge help to families by offering to take the older siblings out for a few hours, carpool to school, have them over for a playdate or by sending a small care package, letting them know they are special. I rested easier knowing my big kids were OK while I was busy with my newborns.

Listen and Encourage

For all new moms, but especially for NICU parents, a supportive friend to lean on, listen and encourage is really important. If you want to help, but don’t know what to say, simply listen, validate and offer encouragement. I really appreciated friends who listened without giving advice while I vented, cried or gushed about the babies.

A simple text saying “I’m thinking of you” can also really lift a new parent’s spirits. “The texts and messages of support were always appreciated,” says Jessica Pelski, “but please know that if I don’t respond, I’m not ignoring you. My mental energy is just somewhere else at the moment.”

Our triplets are now almost 6 years old, have caught up to their peers and are preparing to start kindergarten. When you are in the middle of a NICU experience, it is challenging to see beyond current circumstances, but here we are.

If you’re looking for ways to help new parents, the best support is to provide basics when possible, help with other kids and listen when needed. v

Sarah Lyons is a freelance writer.

For NICU Parents

No one imagines delivering a preterm baby and spending time in the NICU. Having a preemie can be one of the most stressful things new parents face. It can cause feelings of loss (of a “normal” birth experience), detachment, guilt about preterm labor, worry about older children at home, stress about work responsibilities, fear for your newborn, stress on marriage and more. You are not alone. For support and resources, visit www.miraclebabies.org.

Do you know a family with babies or toddlers?

Share the new digital issue of San Diego Babies and Toddlers with them by sending this link: www.sandiegofamily.com/parenting/ baby/san-diego-babies-and-toddlers.