Life in Quarantine: What will the kids remember?

If your kids someday write a memoir about what life was like during a global pandemic, what will they remember and tell the world?

Juggling family life during quarantine has been tough. Working from home, schooling the kids, managing Zoom meetings and daily routines is plenty to contend with. Add underlying anxiety about the new school year and dwindling patience—this is a period of time your family will never forget. A pivotal, formative time that will shape kids’ memories and their worldview for life. What impressions do you hope will last?

If the answer makes you cringe, it’s not too late to make adjustments to your routine. Here are some simple strategies (and how to put them into practice) to help families make meaningful memories for every chapter of a child’s quarantine story.

How We Served

Make a lasting impression by including kids in activities such as writing letters to friends, teachers and senior citizens, donating to (or volunteering at) the local food bank, and learning to sew masks or make dog toys. Make an even bigger impact by talking to kids about why you serve others.

“Once kids can verbalize things in detail, they’re far more likely to remember them,” says Lise Eliot, Ph.D., associate professor of neuroscience at the Chicago Medical School. Help kids remember these experiences by telling stories of how your family and others around the world are serving one another.

How We Entertained Ourselves

There has likely been more screen time than ever before, but you’ll make favorable memories by turning up your family’s creativity and imagination. Create a record of what life in quarantine is like by keeping a family diary. It could be written, video recorded, or even documented with artwork displayed on a gallery wall. Or make and bury a time capsule. Include a letter from each child to her future self, describing a typical day, what schooling is like right now, and what she hopes to do in the future.

Encourage older kids to keep a journal to capture memories and express feelings. A child’s journal may someday be a valued family treasure providing a first-person account of history in the making.

Make a game out of mastering life skills by setting up a reward system for learning how to do laundry, cook meals or plan a budget. Get creative!

How We Handled Frustration

Children’s memories are also profoundly affected by their perception of how parents handle anxiety and uncertainty. Help kids form memories of feeling loved, safe and secure by staying positive and practicing gratitude. Consider keeping a jar handy that contains strips of paper where family members have written down what they’re thankful for. Pull one out to read every day—or when things get strained.

Learn how to make a Thankful Jar at www.sandiegofamily.com/for-thekids/crafts-for-kids/thankful-jars.

Make a “Looking forward to…” poster where your family keeps a running list of what they want to do when health and safety is more stable.

How We Handled Disappointment

Memory is more than a mental picture. “Explicit memory is generally associated with recalled details such as time and place,” says Nora Newcombe, a professor of psychology at Temple University. “Implicit memory is more of an emotional recollection causing certain feelings to be attached to a past event or time of life.”

Since children have implicit memories based on emotions, it’s important that families express feelings and show empathy toward one another. Share daily highs and lows and don’t try to fix or erase sadness or disappointment. Know that when a child hears a parent say, “That is so hard,” she will remember that the parent listened and understood what she was feeling.

How We Laughed

Practicing fun family rituals is an excellent way to make lasting memories. Tell dumb jokes before leaving the dinner table, choose one day a week to dress up in a designated theme, or make up a silly song to start every family Zoom call. Repetition helps memories last, so don’t be afraid to stick with what works to make everyone laugh (or older kids groan).

How We Loved Each Other

Investing time in relationships is golden for making memories with kids. “I won’t say it’s a time to slow down,” says Kelyn Hsu of Oceanside. “With no babysitters and no preschool, it’s not slower. There’s just more time with nowhere else to be. I don’t have to rush with my girls because there’s nothing else to do.” That means they can appreciate having Daddy home every day to eat lunch, followed by a new daily ritual for their 4-year-old daughter, Emerson. “He picks her up, they sing and dance around the house, and then he puts her down for a nap,” says Hsu. “Before [quarantine] she didn’t get that special time with her dad.”

Use this time to express love with little acts of kindness like serving breakfast in bed, hiding small handmade gifts or scheduling a daily hug-it-out session. Or let each family member choose an activity for everyone to do together. Make it a child’s time to shine as she leads the family in a backyard campout, screens a favorite movie or teaches a new game.

In all the logistics and anxiety of managing this unique period of time, parents can help kids make meaningful memories that will create stories to last a lifetime.

Jody Lee Cates is a local mom and award winning writer who blogs about healthy relationships at www.jodyleecates.com

September 2020 • SanDiegofamily.com • 2