It's A Shore Thing by Montecito Journal

the

SB’s hub for od, Fashion, Art, Foolks Libations, and F t.. . who do it righ

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V O L 4 I SS 19 SEPT2 6 OCT10

2015

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IT’S A SHORE THING

Photo kindly supplied by Joshua Shelly at Samy’s Camera.

TEMPERATURES REACHING 98˚F IN THE SHADE, OCEAN WATER ALMOST 80˚. GREAT WHITES AND HAMMERHEADS COMING UP FROM THE SOUTH TO BASK IN OUR LUKEWARM SEA. TUNA – SCHOOLS OF ’EM – DETOURING THROUGH SANTA BARBARA CHANNEL. ALL OF WHICH SAYS SANTA BARBARA’S SUMMER REFUSES TO FALL. AND, THAT’S A GOOD THING. INSIDE ARE 11 ADDITIONAL SANDY SPOTS IN WHICH TO BURY YOUR HEAD (STORY BEGINS ON P.28)...

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In dul ge in a luxu ri ous m anicu re a n d pe dicu re ex perience in a t r anquil se t ting wi th s tu nnin g view s of t he Pacific Schedule your appointment and enjoy our introductory offer through the Four Seasons App or call The Spa at (805) 565-8250.

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Content FOOTBALL!

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T he Bi-weekly Capitalist – Ant or Grasshopper? Jeff Harding takes issue with a recent article – gone viral – that suggests one’s life is “over” at 30.

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eer Guy – With October on tap, it stands to reason Zach Rosen B would raise a glass to The Brewhouse’s bash to salute its 10th year of Oktoberfest galas

S tate Street Scribe – Scribe travels back in time to wondrously meet the child he used to be, then yells at terrified Jeffry to clean his room in hopes Butterfly Effect will yield a cleaner home on return to present

The Fortnight – Fiddle me this, Batman; in what seaside village can you spend a lovely afternoon with both Yul Brynner and Cantinflas!, then have your guts turned to garters by the Demon Barber of Fleet Street? Fortnight knows all.

Real Estate Snapshot – Realtor Kelly Mahan surveys a selection of downtown “charmers” – an assortment of condos, duplexes, and homes in convenient locations

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Tired of the Santa Barbara Drought Restrictions?

L anny’s Take – Lanny Ebenstein keeps an eye on the Santa Barbara City Council competition, sizing up candidates and looking for signs to provide insight

P.12 D I N N E R • P R I VAT E PA R T I E S

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LUNCH •

Man About Town – Mark Léisuré’s surname proves to be a misnomer: he observes three small companies’ shows; makes lemonade from the Goleta Lemon Festival; takes notice of Shobefest; and recommends a collection of concerts

American Girl – Tommie Vaughn laces ‘em up to chronicle skateboarding at Skaters Point, where director Jacob Glasson tells the tale The Local – We shine the bat signal on Chicano Batman; Public Market’s cooking challenge with Cat Cora; Planting Roots with SB Botanic Garden; 5 Things about Michael McDonald; Take A Hike with Truth Aquatics; and then some

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Behind The Vine – Hana-Lee Sedgwick gets her fill of David Potter, owner of Potek Winery, which recently opened in downtown’s The Mill Food File – Looking for a gluten-free café with nutritious, organic food? Christina Enoch points the way to Boochies and its owner, Rebekah Winquest.

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Plan B – Briana Westmacott is all booked up with reading, writing, and reading some more at an assortment of libraries and bookstores

I Heart SB – Easy does it? While on deadline, Elizabeth Rose works 9 to 5 but keeps love alive, with a “meet cute” moment that morphs into a lunch date.

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Beaches – Around Santa Barbara, life isn’t a beach – but beaches, and Megan Waldrep has you covered (in sand) from Refugio to Isla Vista to Leadbetter. Is your dog welcome? What should you pack, and where might you grab a bite? A comprehensive rundown lies herein.

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SY Valley Snapshot – Eva Van Prooyen prepares for the Harvest Festival, which produces hundreds of scarecrows and a litany of events; hands-on beekeeping with Jeremy Rose; Blind Tasting Thursdays; movie night and other favorites

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Cinema Scope – James Luksic can’t get enough of the true-crime drama Black Mass, climbs Everest in 3-D, then slams the door on The Visit

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Lannys take by Lanny Ebenstein

is president of the Santa Barbara Center for Public Policy SBHS Stadium

Renovation on Way.

Council Race Heats Up

anta Barbara’s City Council race has moved into high gear. As earlier predicted, incumbent Randy Rowse is having an easy time in the Mesa district. At this point, the question in the Mesa district is not whether Randy will win, but how big his win will be. A convincing win by Rowse could set up a mayoral campaign in two years. It is interesting, along these lines, to note that in several recent votes on the city council – including to support Planned Parenthood – Rowse voted with his Democratic, not Republican, colleagues. In the Westside and Eastside districts, the yard signs are up – and, as is typical in these races, supporters of various candidates are tearing down signs of other candidates. However, it truly is impressive to see the number of yard signs that are up on the Westside and Eastside. From my personal observation, it would appear that Cathy Murillo and Jacqueline Inda have the most signs up, followed by Sharon Byrne, Andria Martinez Cohen, and Christina Cardoso. Something that truly is different in this campaign compared to past races is the extent of door-to-door leafleting. District elections are resulting in a different sort of race – one that depends much more on personal campaigning. This is exactly what promoters of district elections predicted. In the 3rd, Westside district, there are three active candidates – Murillo, Byrne, and Cardoso. Though most of the attention has focused on Byrne’s and Murillo’s candidacies, Cardoso is running an insurgent, outsider’s campaign and she has a number of yard signs up on the Westside. At the same time, the real race in the Westside is between Byrne and Murillo, with Murillo as the presumptive favorite as a result of her incumbent status and the heavy Democratic registration in the 3rd District. Don’t tell that to Byrne, however, who is running an extremely active campaign. The 1st District on the Eastside is where much of the action is. It is a completely

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open question who the winner will be, with Martinez Cohen and Inda the most likely victors, and Jason Dominguez possessing an outside chance of election. Martinez Cohen is supported by the local Democratic establishment or machine (depending on one’s perspective), and Santa Barbara County Democratic Central Committee (SBCDCC) chair Daraka Larimore-Hall and others from the SBCDCC are walking on a regular basis for Martinez Cohen and Murillo. By way of contrast, both Inda and Dominguez are running independent campaigns and are campaigning more actively on a personal basis than Martinez Cohen. Dominguez is the wildcard in this race. Hard as it may be to believe, the winner in each of the Eastside and Westside districts may require as few as 500 to 700 votes to win, depending on voter turn-out. Although some, including Frank Banales, believe that there will be a big increase in voter turn-out this November, this remains to be seen. Elsewhere, turn-out has not changed much when elections moved from at-large to district. However, in most other places where district elections were implemented, there were even-year elections – which brought more voters to the polls in any event. So, the question of turn-out in Santa Barbara this November is highly uncertain. Looking to the future, as a result of recently enacted state legislation, Santa Barbara will have even-year elections at some point; the question is when. Legislation recently passed that would mandate even-year elections if the turn-out in even years is substantially higher than in odd years, which it always has been. But this legislation does not take effect until 2018, so it is likely that the next city council race, including the mayoral election, will continue to be held in 2017. Moreover, the effect of the new legislation on Santa Barbara is uncertain because it is a charter city. In addition, the influence of the district elections lawsuit settlement, which requires city elections between now and 2020 to be in odd years, is another factor contributing to uncertainty. District elections were intended to change Santa Barbara, and they appear to be achieving this goal. The next, and future, city councils will be younger and more representative than the current council. In the Eastside district especially, the victor will probably be someone who would not have won under the old, at-large system. Furthermore, all councilmembers elected under the district system, including in the Westside and Mesa districts, will be more responsive to the concerns and issues of their immediate neighborhoods than previously was the case.

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Bi-Weekly Capitalist by Jeff Harding

Jeff Harding is a real estate investor and a writer on economics and finance. He is the former publisher of the Daily Capitalist, a popular economics blog. He is also an adjunct professor at SBCC.

The Ant and the Grasshopper Thing

post on Elite Daily, a blog which speaks for Gen Y (Millennials), titled “If You Have Savings In Your 20s, You’re Doing Something Wrong” has been widely circulated around the Internet. The theme of the article is that life is over at 30, and you should have as much fun as you can before life shackles you down with boring things such as a serious job, marriage, kids, saving money, and paying bills. It’s the worst possible advice, ever. The author, senior editor Lauren Martin, starts out saying that by trying to save money she was denying herself of the fun she felt she deserved in her 20s: “I was trying to save, which meant trying not to eat. I wasn’t going out with friends, had yet to go to a club and had never seen the inside of a taxi. “I couldn’t enjoy my life because I was too busy worrying about my bank statement. I was too busy watching my savings instead of savoring my youth.” She encourages twentysomethings to not save and live life to the fullest: “I don’t have any savings, but I also don’t have any wants. I don’t know about you, but I like to enjoy my life. I like to go out to eat, buy clothes I don’t ‘need’ and spend money with friends on memorable nights out.” She goes on to rationalize her lifestyle

of wonderful experiences and lack of savings with the following, mostly nonsensical, justifications such as: “When you’re saving for yourself, you’re refusing to bet on yourself.” “When you have something to bank on, you have nothing to reach for.” “When you live your life by numbers, you strip yourself of poetry.” “When you die, you can’t take your money with you.” “When you deprive yourself, you don’t learn how to TREAT YO SELF.” “When you care about your 401(k), your life is just ‘k’.” Mostly, she blames her parents for trying to instill in her a sense of financial responsibility, which cramps her fun lifestyle. She finishes with: “When you’re 40, you’re not going to look back on your 20s and be grateful for the few thousand you saved. You’re going to be full of regret. “You’ll regret the experiences you didn’t take, the people you didn’t meet, and the fun you didn’t have, because you were too worried about a future that came and went.” At first when I read this article, I was astounded by the young author’s ignorance of how the world works. Geez, these Gen Y kids really are sheltered, immature, and self-centered,

I thought. Elite Daily is full of articles such as Lauren’s offering advice on self-fulfillment, body image, sex, and relationships. And then I read the comments to the article, all 341 of them. Aside from two commenters supporting Lauren’s philosophy, the other 339 thought it was the dumbest article they had ever read. The comments were devastatingly dismissive of the idea that you shouldn’t save money in your 20s. Countless examples were cited, wherein saving money had led to wonderful financial outcomes in their lives. Many focused on Lauren personally as being, well, ignorant and worse. This leads me to believe that there is hope for the Gen Y-ers. Here are the best responses: “As a guy in my late 30s... I look back at my 20s and wish to god I didn’t go out and blow money on all the dumb crap that I haven’t seen in a decade, and can barely remember now. I wish I had all that money back and in an index fund.” “Sounds like Lauren’s boring old mom and dad are going to have to start saving even more, for when Lauren’s ‘life on the edge’” goes over it.” “This is a great blueprint for how to become a 75-year-old Walmart greeter. Thanks for that!” “I’m inspired to go out and make more money, so that I can support you in the event that you have a medical emergency arise, become unemployed (which seems highly likely), and/or later on in life when you’re unable to work in your golden years. You’re welcome.” “Please never write on this topic again.” “And this is why no one cares what

25-year-olds think.” And the best one: “Thanks for the article, it was very informative! Here’s something for your back pocket, you’ll be needing it later on, welfareinfo.org/ apply/.” I think I assume correctly that the Gen Y readers of Elite Daily and their overwhelming negative response to Lauren’s ill advice shows that they have good financial common sense. They seem to understand that life is not a cozy cocoon for slackers who are one paycheck away from couch surfing.

The comments were devastatingly dismissive of the idea that you shouldn’t save money in your 20s

Millennia of preceding generations understood this well, going back 2,500 years to Aesop’s ant and grasshopper fable. If the market crash of ’08 has taught this generation anything, it ought to be that you have to take care of yourself because things can change in an instant. Savings, as I have often said here, is the foundation of economic growth – not spending as Ms. Martin advocates. Not only does it spur real growth, it permits savers to have a financial cushion or start a business to ensure personal financial security. Lauren, life doesn’t end at 29, it’s just beginning. Be the ant; save and thrive.

Publisher/Editor • Tim Buckley | Design/Production • Trent Watanabe Managing Editor • James Luksic | Creative Director • Megan Waldrep

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Columnists Shop Girl • Kateri Wozny | Man About Town • Mark Leisure Plan B • Briana Westmacott | Food File • Christina Enoch Commercial Corner • Austin Herlihy | The Weekly Capitalist • Jeff Harding The Beer Guy • Zach Rosen | Cinema Scope • James Luksic Girl About Town • Julie Bifano | In The Zone • Tommie Vaughn I Heart SB • Elizabeth Rose | Fortnight • Jeff Wing State Street Scribe • Jeff Wing | Holistic Deliberation • Allison Antoinette Up Close • Jacquelyn De Longe | Behind The Vine • Hana-Lee Sedgwick The Local • Megan Waldrep | Lanny’s Take • Lanny Ebenstein Advertising/Sales Tanis Nelson • 805.689.0304 • tanis@santabarbarasentinel.com Sue Brooks • 805.455.9116 • sue@santabarbarasentinel.com Judson Bardwell • 619.379.1506 • judson@santabarbarasentinel.com Kim Collins • 805.895.1305 • kim@santabarbarasentinel.com Published by SB Sentinel, LLC PRINTED BY NPCP INC., SANTA BARBARA, CA Santa Barbara Sentinel is compiled every other Friday 133 EAST DE LA GUERRA STREET, #182, Santa Barbara 93101 How to reach us: 805.845.1673 • E-MAIL: tim@santabarbarasentinel.com

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STATE STREET SCRIBE by Jeff Wing

Jeff is a journalist, raconteur, autodidact, and polysyllable enthusiast. A long-time resident of SB, he takes great delight in chronicling the lesser known facets of this gaudy jewel by the sea. Jeff can be reached at jeffwingg@gmail.com

Over the River and Through the Wormhole

got to talking with a physicist friend of mine; I’ll call him “Joe.” We have a great relationship because I am his intellectual equal, and he can bounce ideas off me as he can with only a very few people. By our third Diet Coke, we were a little amped, and Joe started going on about the Lense-Thirring Effect and Closed Timelike Curves, a line of discussion we’d touched on before. We started lazily sketching on a napkin, and within a week we had built what is popularly known as a time machine. It achieves its effects through a common relativistic phenomenon known to math hotshots as FrameDragging. For reasons known only to our Danny Kaye-like Creator, when massive objects rotate they drag spacetime around them, twisting the surrounding real estate in such a way that not only are tremendous potential energies produced as the spacetime

is torqued, space effectively bends back on itself too, creating what’re called “closed timelike curves” and the theoretical possibility of traveling through time. The possibilities stunned us. It was agreed that I would subject myself to the effects of the completed machine, becoming the first man in human history to be hurled backward in time through a knothole, or whatever they’re called. I elected to go back to visit my 9-yearold self. At that age, my fascination with the future was peaking. I read comic books voraciously and hurriedly built Revell models of jet airplanes and spaceships, my raised thumbprints mottling the gray surfaces of my flying machines in smeared Testor’s model cement. These small harbingers of my future manual ineptitude I hung from my ceiling with brown twine. How great would it be to go back to myself at 9 years old, reveal myself as Future Jeff

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and report on the actual future? Joe and I discussed Novikov’s Self-Consistency Principle and decided nothing I could say or do back there would produce any causal paradoxes. If I was going back in time next Monday, I had always been going back in time next Monday. We designed the machine so that my quantum insertion into the past would happen as gently and as unobtrusively as possible. In the event, when I materialized in my old room, I was announced by a bursting plume of green smoke and a sound like sheet

CORSAIR ll, a modernist jet at the time which I’d elected to paint sky blue. Oh, yeah. That Jeffry. By the by, little noodle-man calmed down, staring at me as I stared both at him and at my old room. He scooted his tiny little ass up onto the edge of his bed, his pipe-cleaner legs dangling, clad in a motif of coonskin caps and tomahawks. Had I really ever left this place? And why? Momentarily he put it together. “You’re me,” he said. I took a breath. “Yeah.” “You’re… from the future.”

“Yeah, we’ve got flying cars, you kidding? What’s the future without flying cars?” tin being cut with a buzzsaw; Margaret Hamilton in a meth nightmare. Jeffry jumped out of bed with a girlish scream and began a panicked running in place in his Davy Crockett footie pajamas, flapping his little hands in abject terror. Embarrassing. “Ssshh! Ssshh!” I gestured calmness, an orchestra conductor damping the violins, my right hand knocking askance a hanging LTV A-7D

“Right.” I was stuck for stuff to say. “Holy crap!” “Language, Jeff!” I barked, then caught myself in a fit of mild dizziness. This must be the summer Gary Chapman taught me the word “crap” as an expletive, my dad laughing his ass off at the dinner table one night when I’d burst out with it. My dad. “So, uh, listen. I wanted to come ...continued p.25

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by Zach Rosen

Three of a kind: maids in the shade at last year’s Oktoberfest (photo by Alexis Chantarelle)

10 years of Oktoberfest Celebrations

hat began as a simple wedding celebration in die Wies’n (German for “the meadow”) has evolved into a two-week festival that is arguably the largest beer party in the world, with attendance in the millions. While Munich remains the classic festival, breweries and restaurants around the world host their own forms of Oktoberfest. This year, The Brewhouse will celebrate the 10-year anniversary of its own Oktoberfest.

ears that Sunday with the reggae band One, Two, Tree.

Traditions

A Santa Barbara Classic

Away from the swarms of State Street, The Brewhouse has been a longtime local hangout and their Oktoberfest celebration is unrivaled in the area. This year marks Brewhouse’s 10th such gala and it’s set to be one of its biggest bashes ever. Each fall, The Brewhouse fills the expanse of the parking lot with large tents and German décor. Glass mugs are filled by the liter with a selection

SB Brewing Company Oktoberfest beer, fresh from the fermenter

of classic commercial examples of house-produced German-style brews. German food has never been known for elegance but rather its hearty, juxtaposition of meat, potatoes, and grease, and The Brewhouse makes sure to supply plenty. This year, it will expand the menu and feature special

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Zach Rosen is a Certified Cicerone® and beer educator living in Santa Barbara. He uses his background in chemical engineering and the arts to seek out abstract expressions of beer and discover how beer pairs with life.

German-themed house goodies. Servers can be seen constantly running plates of schnitzel and sausage from the kitchen to the long rows of tables. Competitions and games are held, such as stein-holding contests, and broken up by German folk tunes played by the tuba crew, Oktubafest, and the one-man-band, The Red Baaron. The celebrations are held on Friday and Saturday, October 2-3. Friday’s starts at 4 pm and lasts long into the night with an opening ceremony at 6 pm, when brewmaster Pete Johnson will tap the first keg. Saturday’s event starts at noon and will feature different competitions, including a bratwursteating contest and a costume challenge. The afternoon festivities are mellower and thus a good time to meet up with friends. As the night progresses, the liters of beer begin to take hold and the tents fill with raucous laughter and plenty of toasts, the chink of glass ringing throughout the air. Normally, The Brewhouse stays closed that Sunday to allow the staff to recover, but this year they will unwind with a Sunday Hangover Brunch. Staff members will clear the tuba out of their

Oktoberfest has become a tradition, and like most rituals, certain elements have come and gone. The original festival was held in Munich on October 12, 1810, and celebrated the wedding between Crown Prince Ludwig I and Princess Therese of SaxonHildburghausen. The fairgrounds, called Theresienwiese, are still named after the princess. Over time, the festival has been moved from October to the end of September, ending on the first weekend of October to compensate for the change in weather conditions. The original festival did not have any libations for the public, though that was one element that quickly became tradition. One thing that hasn’t changed (too much) are which breweries may participate at the festival. The only official breweries that can pour at the Munich Oktoberfest are the six major ones within the city limits: Augustiner-Bräu, Hacker-PschorrBräu, Lowenbräu, Paulaner-Bräu, Spatenbräu, and Hofbräu-Munchen. Each brewery has its own tent at the festival and pours only its own beers. Although the law of allowing only Munich breweries has not changed, the beers being poured have been refashioned with time. It is important to remember that Oktoberfest bier is simply the name for a beer being poured at the festival; it does not have a set style. There has been a lightening of the beers served at the festival. The first Oktoberfest beers were modeled after the dark lager style, dunkel. About

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60 years later, there was a shift to thenpopular, Vienna-style amber lagers. The past few decades have seen a transition into golden lagers at the festival, since these brews are less-filling and easier to sell by the liter full.

The Beers of Oktoberfest

In America, you will often see the “HB” logo of Hofbräu-Munchen on the 1-liter mugs of the Oktoberfest celebrations that take place. Their Oktoberfest is a good example of the trend toward lighter-colored fest beers. It emphasizes the heartier Munich malt and has a golden hue with a sweet, bready aroma. It has a fairly light carbonation that makes it less-filling and easy drinking. Of this particular type of Oktoberfest, my favorite is the floral, crisp Schoenramer Gold (though this is not one of the official Munich beers). They also produce Festbier, which is a more classic, Märzen-style brew, and also happens to be one of my favorite examples. For me, Oktoberfest beers are done in the Märzen-style, and this tends to be an American preference with more examples being served at the festivities stateside than those in Germany. Märzen is an amber lager that emphasizes the deep maltiness of caramelized forms of Vienna and/or Munich malts. If you want to taste a good example of this style, then make sure to show up to The Brewhouse’s festival, as their version is one of the best local examples. This year, it will also have a classic Germanstyle rye beer called roggenbier. Rye malts add a distinct spicy, breadiness that blends with the clove and peppery phenols of the yeast. Also being served is Vixen Weizen, a Bavarian-style wheat beer that features the classic flavors of banana and clove associated with that type of brew. The Brewhouse also always make available the Hofbräu-Munchen Oktoberfest and to celebrate this milestone anniversary, brewmaster Johnson has selected six different specialty kegs of German beers. There are limited amounts of each beer and they will run, one after another, until there is no more left. Offerings will include rarer styles of German beers such as zwickelbier, an aged, effervescent light lager, as well as specialty hefeweizens and lagers. Over the past 10 years, The Brewhouse Oktoberfest has become a staple of the Santa Barbara beer scene and a celebration to look forward to each year. Make sure to show up on October 2-3 to be part of this local event. Enjoy some German fare and raise your glass to another 10 years of merriment at The Brewhouse Oktoberfest.

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SEPT 26 - OCT 10

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by Jeff Wing

Tell us all about your art opening, performance, dance party, book signing, sale of something we can’t live without, or event of any other kind by emailing fortnight@santabarbarasentinel.com. If our readers can go to it, look at it, eat it, or buy it, we want to know about it and will consider it for inclusion here. Special consideration will be given to interesting, exploratory, unfamiliar, and unusual items. We give calendar preference to those who take the time to submit a picture along with their listing.

A Wet Spinning Rock. Be It Ever So Humble.

Sunday

he world is a mud-covered rock hanging from nothing in the middle of galactic nowhere. Not to put too fine a point on it. It continues to spin at about 1,000 miles per hour and is home to all of human history, from the earliest uncounted eons of rain falling numbly on lifeless oceans, to Grace Kelly and Bing Crosby warbling “True Love” on a boat plying the later, teeming blue waters of these self-same seas. Makes no sense to me. But this week’s Fortnight makes resounding sense. Art, smarty-pants chatter, a murderous barber, and thou. Or thee, rather.

Ladies Sing the News

usic is a blesSING. Some bands make the cardinal error of choosing a name whose uniqueness is wholly dependent on typography. blesSING is such an ensemble, but that’s the only so-so thing one can say about these spiritual rock stars. On Sunday, September 27, 7 pm at Cambridge Drive Community Church in Goleta, all-women a capella group blesSING will roll out a sonic love assault in support of Sarah House. When it’s time to go, it’s time to go, and nobody likes a long good-bye. Not that we always have a say. Since the 1990s, Sarah House has been providing a cozy and loving home (versus a “facility”) for people who are packing their bags and heading on to the next station, and who want to pass their remaining time on Earth in a happy place abuzz with love and life. Sarah House, not incidentally, has another mission; to provide a setting for this nurturing send-off to those who wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford traditional palliative care. Passing in comfort isn’t cheap, curiously. Named after founding benefactress Sarah Shoresman, Sarah House is truly a home. There are sofas and chairs in a living room setting, a large dining area for boisterous family gatherings, a big kitchen that is open round-the-clock (can I book my room now?), and even a piano, where possibly the grandkids’ ham-fisted renditions of the latest Taylor Swift gem will be sufficiently awful to relieve dear Mildred of her earthly burden and send her happily on her way. Sarah House has been there for all of us for a couple decades now, selflessly facilitating the most singularly momentous human event there is. Here’s a chance to return the favor and dig some cochlea-massage at the same time. blesSING is comprised of Samantha, Mujiba, Valerie, Beverly, Monica, and Penelope, and these a capella songstresses will be lifting voices and hearts in a gossamer wave of sound, and for a cause with which we will all eventually have some degree of contact.

Suggested donation is $20 for an evening of uplift and to help out Sarah House, as they continue to literally help others out. 550 Cambridge Drive, Goleta. Rock You Like El Nino And speaking of glorious music carefully tailored to tenderly salve the wounded soul, Deutschland’s answer to Barry Manilow is coming to town. Yes, The Scorpions will infest the County Bowl on Tuesday, October 6, from 6:30 – 10 pm. You may recall banging your head to their world-smashing 1984 hit, “Rock You Like A Hurricane”. Now celebrating their 50th anniversary as leather-clad ball-peen balladeers, the band was founded way back in 1965 in Hannover, Germany; the year after The Beatles’s history-making debut on The Ed Sullivan Show and possibly as an annoyed reaction to same. Opening for the Scorpions will be American prog-metal giants Queensrÿche, the stateside band that put the LOUD in umlaut (more or less). Or, perhaps your taste runs to kicking back with a primary-colored umbrella drink. If so, consider paying a chill visit to the newly hip Goodland Hotel and its much ballyhooed Good Bar, where every Thursday night musicians take the stage in a rolling weekly music program the Goodland Hotel calls Blur the Line. And Tuesday, September 29, the good people of the Goodland invite us one and all to join them for what they are calling a Rita Margarita Party, involving the resident Airstream Trailer (named Rita, natch) and quantities of Margarita fixins. Stop in, wrap your fist around a highball, and dig some Good Land vibe in Goleta’s new Kickit Ticket, the Good Bar, and the Goodland Hotel proper. This place is the talk of the towns and may just put Goleta on a hipness trajectory. Not that rolling hills and endless orchards and a train museum don’t already make this village the white hot center of everything that matters. Right? Play your cards right and you

Saturday & Sunday

September 26 and 27 at 10:30 am ■ Soft-Spoken Storyteller Michael Katz will be on hand at SB Public Market’s Back-To-School Weekend can dance all night. Which brings us to our next awkward segue: Etcetera! Etcetera! Etcetera! In 1862, an educator, travel writer, activist, and iron will o’ the wisp named Anna Leonowens was hired by the Siamese Royal Court to educate the wives and children of His Royal Highness, a certain sagging King Mongkut, who, despite later flattering portrayals, resembled neither Rex Harrison nor Yul Brynner. Ms. Leonowens, a nascent feminist and straight-faced declaimer of bullshit, had the royal gig for 6 years, finally growing weary of the terms of her employment and quitting the position, though she felt great affection for old King Mongkut and her young charges and immediately regretted her decision. As she was preparing to return to court and make right her hasty departure, the old King passed away and his teenage son was installed as King. The King of Siam! (Excuse me). The newly regal teen sent a warm letter of thanks to Ms. Leonowens, a notable loudmouth at a time when women in general, and those in Siam particularly, were more seen than heard. Mongkut had remarked more than once, and not without affection, that the court’s visiting teacher was “generally a

September 27, at 3 pm ■ Granada Theatre’s Epoca de Oro Film Series Features Films from Mexico’s Golden Age of Cinema difficult woman.” Later, Anna’s memoirs would sell like hotcakes (to her utter surprise), be novelized, optioned by a movie mogul, adorned with gorgeous songs by Rodgers and Hammerstein, graced with the inimitable efforts of incandescent wiseacre Deborah Kerr, the endearing, handsome, and strikingly bald Yul Brynner, and young hotshot choreographer Jerome Robbins (later the short-tempered taskmaster of West Side Story fame). Full frontal magic. And you can see it on the enormous and technologically buff silver screen at our dear old Granada Theatre over two shows on Monday, September 28. The Granada is also spectacularly rolling out a film series that features Mexico’s Golden Age of Cinema, a phenomenon they’re calling Epoca de Oro Film Series. In 1942, German submarines destroyed a Mexican tanker, thus unleashing in our neighbor to the south the latent power of a sleeping cinema giant. Mexico was prompted by the sinking to join the side of the allies in WWII, thereby achieving favored-nation trading status with those partner countries in the fight. One thing Mexico’s burgeoning filmmakers wanted was the equipment and materials to realize their vision of building a filmmaking empire in Mexico, and so they did, liberating Mexico’s native film artistry at a time film was coming into its own as an acutely powerful art form. Pedro Armendariz, Dolores del Rio, Pedro Infante, Jorge Negrete, and many others stars of that time – Mexican film enthusiasts and the cripplingly nostalgic remember these names and sigh. The Granada’s Epoca de Oro Film Series of this Golden Age will feature a sampling of this period in Mexican cinematic history, when the country’s movies were venerated around the world. Stop in on Sunday, September 27, at 3 pm for Ahi Esta El Detalle starring the beloved comic actor who has been called Mexico’s Charlie Chaplin: Cantinflas! Sit in the dark and be transported. Did you and do you love these movies? Tell your friends, and visit granadasb.org for all event and movie details. The Granada! She stands

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Ongoing

Now through December 11 ■ Moonlit Night Bound by Love Salma at UCSB’s MCC uptown with her seemingly stern but secretly smiling face, a dowdy but quietly eccentric old auntie. Love her. Cherish her. The old dame radiates culture. Wraps Not Ruffles Yeah, yeah, Back to school. What of it? Our lovable urchins return to scholastic boot camp with their overpriced NASAissue backpacks and long-as-your-arm list of protractors and exotic paper products, while we harried parents hunker down for another year of frantic, psychologically unhealthy mornings spent yelling and cursing and hugging. Do you ever find yourself yearning for that simpler time when memorizing the quadratic equation seemed like such a big deal? Oh, to be back there! Well, who should come to the rescue but our own Santa Barbara Public Market. What’s that, you say? You had no idea our local foodie citadel also taught parenting skills? DUUUUUUDE! – SB PUBLIC MARKET IS YOUR ALL-PURPOSE GO-TO. You know, like a Public Market? The weekend of September 26 and 27 (sometimes better known as today; check your calendar!), prepare for a grinning two-day hodgepodge of useful and innovative instruction to do with surviving the coming school year. Stop by the Pub Mark for some skills you and the little beasties can learn together to your common benefit, including classes “Back to School at the Public Market”, a “Lunch Box Inspiration” class for parents and kids, Williams-Sonoma’s “Easy Meals For Busy Parents” cooking class and light lunch, visits from local storyteller and likable escapee Michael Katz (on both Saturday and Sunday at 10:30 am), and interactive arts & crafts all weekend long. Visit sbpublicmarket.com to learn more about what your Santa Barbara Public Market has in store for you this weekend. SB Public Market. It’s yours, baby. Don’t forget that. And I’m sorry I called you baby. Fancy internationalist Wig-Flipping at the MCC Meanwhile, on the UCSB campus, a little something called

Multiculturality-ness is afoot. The Multi Cultural Center (MCC to the initiated) famously lifts the veil on the big ol’ world with visiting performers, guest speakers and film studies that will broaden your vista, clean your windshield, and occasionally flip your wig. This week, and through December 11, Salma Arastu’s Songs of the Soul art exhibit will be on display in the Multi-Cultural Center lounge on UCSB’s campus. Ms. Aratsu, a native of Rajasthan (in India, not the one in Ohio) works with clay, papier mâché calligraphy – her vision is manysplendored, the warming pastels of her work calling to mind Chagall and Dufy. This is art that even expressionismaverse folks will embrace. Loveliness is all you need. Then at the MCC Theater on October 7 at 6 and 7:30 pm, the harrowing documentary Cartel Land shows ordinary citizens organizing to do battle against the drug cartels that have all but taken over civilized society in the northern Mexican border areas. Do keep your eye on the MCC calendar that can be found here: mcc. sa.ucsb.edu. You won’t believe what’s happening on our Little Campus on the Bluffs. The world is happening up there, and in healthy concentrations. Thanks, MCC. Fiddle-De-Dee And then, as we circle back to the States, we find ourselves smack dab in the middle of the Old Time Fiddlers’ Convention & Festival, taking place on Sunday, October 11, from 10 am to 5 pm, at Rancho La Patera & Stow House. The Goleta Valley Historical Society will be throwing this shebang, a 44-year-old festival recently inherited from the SB Rotary Club. October 11 will be a day of traditional American Folk Music, free workshops, jamming with fellow musicians, and a music competition whose reputation outstrips our homely little region and is a known quantity in the Bluegrass music competition realm. On hand will be the Grammy-winning Kathy Kallick Band; (Ms. Kallick is, since 1975, a noted and celebrated composer and player and archivist, a Grammy winner with actual artistic gravity), the big Bay Area sound of Front Country, and a band which, whatever its Bluegrass creds, wins hand-down the Bluegrass Band Name competition – the one I’m hosting in my head. Yes, the Salt Martians will also be in attendance. Check out this all-day immersion in the sounds and spirit of a musical idiom that is not audibly in the European classical tradition. The gorgeous Stow House property seals the deal.

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Sunday

October 11, from 10 to 5 pm ■ Old Time Fiddlers’ Convention & Festival at Rancho La Patera & Stow House Literature. Yes. Oh, and a Murderous Barber As a young Broadway up-and-comer and protégé of Oscar Hammerstein II, precocious Stevie Sondheim had bridled at being relegated to mere lyricist for an experimental little “blue jeans and tennis shoes” ballet then being cooked up, an envelope-pusher called West Side Story, which has since, of course, become one of the Seven Summits of modern Broadway history. When Sondheim at last made his own reputation, he spread his wings and

helped create some of the strangest and least predictable (and famously difficult to sing, some of them) musicals that Broadway would ever see. One of them was the horror musical Sweeney Todd, about a bloodied murderous barber – based on a true story, naturally. The Santa Barbara Public Library System and Ensemble Theatre Company’s partner program, Theatre Book Club, will discuss Sweeney Todd, the Demon Butcher of Fleet Street, by Stephen Sondheim and Hugh Wheeler, on Tuesday, October 13, at 5:30 pm. The group will meet in the Faulkner Gallery of the Central Library, 40 E. Anapamu Street in Santa Barbara. The Theatre Book Club began in 2008, reading and jawboning about the plays that are produced by SB’s own Ensemble Theatre Company. What an idea. And that is the case with this Sweeney Todd discussion. The play will also run at the New Vic Theatre in Santa Barbara from October 8 through October 25. That’s it for this week, lovebirds. I leave you with this priceless little ditty from the understated-yet-monumental Cole Porter: “For you and I have a guardian angel on high with nothing to do, but to give to you and to give to me love forever true.” Believe it. Ciao.

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REAL ESTATE SNAPSHOT by Kelly Mahan Kelly is a licensed realtor with the Calcagno & Hamilton team and Village Properties. She can be reached at Kelly@homesinsantabarbara.com or at 770-5300.

Downtown Charmers

n the past two weeks, more than a dozen listings have come on the market in the downtown area and the west side.

1835 Chapala Street

On the corner of Chapala and W. Pedregosa streets, a completely renovated craftsman cottage came on the market in August. Built in 1928, the redone home is just shy of 1,100 square feet, with two good-sized bedrooms and two bathrooms. According to the listing agent for the property, Dan Encell, the Behind a white picket fence and vine arbor on the corner of Chapala recent renovations include and W. Pedregosa, a cozy two-bedroom, two-bathroom craftsman a well-appointed kitchen cottage boasts upgrades galore with stainless appliances, and upscale bathrooms with wainscoting, marble counters, subway tile, and new cabinetry. Behind the white picket fence and entry arbor, the single-level home has dark wood floors, a dining room which opens to a covered porch, and a central living room with a fireplace. The corner lot has garage access A semi-galley kitchen features newer appliances, a center island, from W. Pedregosa; the two- and Santa Barbara doors leading to the back porch car garage is a separate structure. There is small yard with plenty of room for seating and a barbecue, with blooming rose bushes and updated landscaping. The property is in the Peabody School District, and the corner lot allows for a bit more privacy than many other downtown homes. The recent price reduction has brought the price down to $965,000.

927 West Valerio Street

The price of this west side cottage has just been reduced to $789,000, after just 22 days on the market. The property comes with ample parking off the street, is in close proximity to Harding School, and features private backyard shaded by a mature tree. The home, tucked behind a hedge, was built in the 1930s, and period touches remain, including an arched entryway, The darling cottage at 927 West Valerio has been reduced in price

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sweet four-pane windows, and a cozy fireplace. “It really is just a darling home,” says agent Angela Moloney, who has staged the home to show its potential. Boasting two bright bedrooms and two bathrooms, the functional home has wood floors throughout its 1,079 The front door opens into the living room, with gleaming wood square feet of space. There is floors and an airy feel new paint inside and out, and outside, a separate garage is located at the end of the driveway. “The private yard is low-maintenance yet lovely, making it ideal for family and friends to gather,” Moloney said. The home is also conveniently located between the beach and downtown, on the edge of the upper west side.

216 East Mountain Drive

If you prefer views and space over walkability, check out this gem on East Mountain Drive. Listed by Michelle Cook and Bob Lamborn, it’s a threebedroom, three-bath Tea Fire rebuild finished in 2010. Set on about an acre with views of the ocean, islands, and city, the home features an open floor plan, where views are the focal point. The home has high vaulted ceilings, light and Wake up to ocean views every morning on East Mountain Drive bright rooms, and a fresh feel, with unique views from every room. It also has cool concrete floors, which tie in the updated lighting fixtures and cabinetry. Located in Montecito’s foothills, the home is just a quick trip to its associated school district, Cold Spring, and the restaurants and shops of the Upper Village of Montecito. “It’s ideal as a perfect family oasis, or even a weekend getaway,” Cook said. It’s priced at $1,449,000.

The Ultimate Home

If you’d rather win a home than buy one, next week (October 2) marks the end of early-bird entry into the popular Museum of Contemporary Art Santa Barbara’s Dream House Raffle. This year’s ultimate prize is a 4,000 square-foot home on the Riviera, a brand spanking new home with four bedrooms, four bathrooms, ocean views, a pool, gourmet kitchen, and A brand-new home is up for grabs in the Museum of Contemporary Art Santa Barbara annual raffle expansive outdoor space. While we can’t tell you where it is, we can tell you it’s absolutely gorgeous, and you shouldn’t miss your chance to win it! Here’s the fine print: All 45,000 tickets available must be sold for the Dream Home or $3 million cash prize to be awarded. If fewer than 45,000 tickets are sold, the grand prize will become a cash amount equal to half the net proceeds, not to exceed $3 million. In addition to the grand prize, there are more than 2,500 other prizes to get your hands on, including a Tesla, vacations, MacBook Air, cash prizes and more. For a complete list of prizes, visit SBHomeRaffle.com. Since the raffle began in 2005, it has raised close to $6 million, helping fund a Museum of Contemporary Art Santa Barbara (MCASB), a non-profit, noncollecting museum dedicated to the exhibition, education, and cultivation of the arts of our time. Tickets (which cost $150 each) must be purchased by November 11. Two earlybird drawings will be held in October, and the grand-prize drawing is set for December 6. To enter the raffle, call (888) 402-9222 or go to SBHomeRaffle.com and register online. Don’t forget to read the rules and regulations online, which list residency and other requirements.

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nteresting thing going on with local theater this first week of the fortnight, at least. While all the major venues – The Ensemble Theatre at the New Vic, SBCC Theater Group at the Garvin, and Rubicon Theatre Company in Ventura – are dark, three smaller fledgling companies have productions running simultaneously. The Producing Units, Peter Frisch’s company that evolved out of his studio’s advanced/professional class, presents the rarely seen What Rhymes with America? at Center Stage. Melissa James Gibson’s play about estrangement dives deep into the life of a recently separated man as he tries to re-enter the dating world (with lots of funny and poignant results), while also attempting to reconcile with his estranged teenage daughter. The fine cast features Ivy Vahanian, Bill Egan, Deborah Bertling, and Ariel Eakin in this serio-comic theatrical work by an author best-known as one of the writers for FX’s The Americans. Frisch directs the production at Center Stage, September 25-October 4. Down at the Plaza Theater in Carpinteria, Ed Giron and DIJO Productions offer a second weekend of ReConnected, Giron’s re-configured series of short works that vary from comedic to dramatic and heartwarming. Several of the plays are receiving their premiere as fully produced works, while others are updated or remounted from Connected that was performed at the Plaza Theater last year. As with that show, the current collection explores relationships and their consequences with humor and insight. Tons of local actors both well-known and new to the scene populate the plays, which are alternately directed by Giron, Joseph Beck and Jerry Oshinsky. The Timbers, the long-shuttered restaurant at the base of Winchester Canyon in Western Goleta, has reopened as an events center, specifically to host The Goodland Supper Club, the new venture from former Circle Bar B Dinner Theater producers-directorsactors Susie and David Couch. The first show, an immersive, Caribbean-themed (both in subject matter and cuisine) Murder at Café Noir in which the audience plays a part in the production, has proved so popular – selling out the complete run before the first night – that

Couches scrambled to add two more shows for October 2-3, even though there was no contingency plan in place when they opened. Give them a ring at 705-9598 or email prismproductions@ cox.net to secure your seats. It’s not all good news, however. On the other hand, So Called Productions, founded by longtime local thespians Sean O’Shea and Bill Egan – who both appear in other productions this weekend – were forced to cancel the final weekend performances of Pvt. Wars last month due to remarkably low ticket sales (approximately less than a dozen seats were filled). Still, on the whole, gotta think the balance says something is pretty healthy with local theater. Meanwhile, come October the bigger stages launch back into action. Rubicon has a two-day production of its RTCoriginated, Broadway-bound musical Daddy Long Legs as part of its Broadway cabaret series slated for October 3-4 before launching the full-scale fall season with My Fair Lady on October 21. Ensemble Theater gets its season going with an ambitious mounting of Stephen Sondheim’s perennially popular Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street October 8-25. And SBCC, which presented a terrific production of The Music Man over the summer, gets their Sherlock Holmes on for The Hounds of the Baskervilles, October 16-31.

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with Mark Léisuré

Mark spends much of his time wandering Santa Barbara and environs, enjoying the simple things that come his way. A show here, a benefit there, he is generally out and about and typically has a good time. He says that he writes “when he feels the urge” and doesn’t want his identity known for fear of an experience that is “less than authentic.” So he remains at large, roaming the town, having fun. Be warned.

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Festival Fever

Whether you want to focus on fruit, get next to Native Americans, or just feel the fresh vibes, we’ve got a weekend for ya. The annual Goleta Lemon Festival, taking place September 26-27 out in Girsh Park, is the most family-friendly of them all, as it celebrates the citrus that used to grow all over the valley before suburban sprawl took over nearly all the orchards. So, now we have a festival ostensibly to commemorate the tart yellow fruit attended by the residents who live in those houses. Whatever. It’s good fun, anyway. The Avocado Festival in Carpinteria is a much bigger affair, taking over downtown for three days October 2-4 and inundating the seaside village with four stages of music, zillions of arts displays and commercial and crafts

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a booths and, oh yeah, lots of stuff made out of avocados, including the largest vat of guacamole in the world. The Chumash Inter-Tribal Pow Wow, slated for October 3-4 up at the Live Oak Campground halfway up the San Marcos Pass, hits its half-century mark as an annual gathering place for tribes from all over the United States. What began as a fundraiser to bring running water to the Chumash Reservation now serves as a cultural and educational event for the tribes to share and comingle along with the community members. The tribe now has a different pipeline for revenue, the cash cow known as the Chumash Casino Resort. So admission to the Pow-Wow is free, though parking will set you back $5, and camping is $25. Gathering of the Tribes is also the tagline for the One Love Festival, set for Ojai’s Lake Casitas October 9-12, but this is more the esoteric rather than bloodline variety. The fest features speakers, workshops, yoga/meditation circles, permaculture programs, council circles, drum circles, and much more, as well as two stages of nonstop music with such acts as Big Mountain, Bobby Cochran, Deer Leg, Jade Hendrix, Kaldi and the Dancing Goats, and Medicine Hat, a big love jam every

night, an after-hours dome that goes until sunrise and lots more. Details, passes, and so forth on the fest’s website: www.onelovefest.com

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±4,246 sf retail building for sale 3 0 1 6 – 3 0 2 0 d e l a v i n a s t. | s a n ta b a r b a r a

Mark’s Musical Must-sees

Acoustic folk-blues master Steve James at the Trinity Backstage coffeehouse Saturday, September 26. Always adventurous alternative band Death Cab for Cutie with Best Coast at the Santa Barbara Bowl on the same night. Ry Cooder and Ricky Scaggs kicking out the bluegrass-roots music jams with Scaggs’s wife, singer Sharon White, at the Granada on Tuesday, September 29. Still soaring Counting Crows with Citizen Cope at the Bowl September 29. The modern-day Simon & Garfunkel duo Milk Carton Kids – love those guys to death! – at the Lobero on Wednesday, September 30, the same day Sweetwater String Band, who play cello-driven bluegrass, play at the Mercury Lounge in Goleta. Hitting October, we’ve got Earth mother/old soul Gillian Welch back at the Lobero on Thursday, October 1. Comedian Patton Oswalt at UCSB’s Campbell Hall on Wednesday, October 7, the same night Don Henley and Shawn Colvin share the stage at the Bowl.

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OH YEAH, ALL RIGHT...

by Tommie Vaughn Tommie adapted her love of the stage to the love of the

Hearing Services of Santa Barbara

page. As lead singer for the band Wall of Tom, she created This Rock in My Heart and This Roll in My Soul, a fictional book series based loosely on her experiences in the L.A. music scene. Now she’s spending her time checking out and writing about all things Santa Barbara. Reach Tommie at www.TommieV.com or follow her on Twitter at TommieVaughn1.

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(in the Goleta Valley Medical Building)

Ann Burre,

MA, FAAA Dispensing Audiologist AU1181

here is a secret society in Santa Barbara. A grouping of daredevils, a gang of thrill seekers, a congregation of cool that can only be found by those willing to throw caution to the wind and put their limbs on the line. They are unified by courage and blood, standing united as a team of conquistadors, cheering one another on in unity of brotherhood and adrenaline.

No, I’m not talking about a Spanish army, but the fearless skateboarders who inhabit Skaters Point, an almost 15,000-square-foot concrete paradise of half pipes, taco bowls, and a Grand Slam Pyramid – that cost our fair city and the Parks and Rec Department $850,000 to build. It’s located across from Chase Palm Park, next to the glittering Pacific Ocean. The location seems apropos, since the first skateboarders were surfers, who back in the late 1940s and early ‘50s wanted to surf the sidewalk when the waves were flat. Thus carving up a wooden plank with roller skate wheels, shredding the concrete, and creating an all-new movement of hip, as the sport of skateboarding would be born.

Free Falling

I came in contact with this local “team of brothers” when I enrolled my then 4-year-old son in Little Shredders Sk8 Skool. I had heard good things about the spring and summer programs, so my kid flipped out when I told him about Little Shredders and he decided to give it a tumble. I have always been a fan of skateboarding, but have rather preferred surfing – if only for landing reasons; truth is, I don’t like it when my skin connects with concrete. It’s with this thought and a smile

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on my face that I ushered said kid to his first week of SK8 Skool. What I happily discovered was this welcoming community of friendly counselors (and darn great skaters) who took my cautious boy in and gave him praise and confidence in his motor skills, that he now wants to ride bikes fast, to skate, to surf, to quite possibly break his bones and laugh a lot. Wanting to thank the counselors and find out more about this empowering program for kids, I spoke with Terry Brown, supervisor for the Santa Barbara Parks and Recreation to get the scoop on the skate park itself, and its Skate Skool history.

Grommets Rule

Q: Every spring and summer, the park runs its Sk8 Skool. When did this begin, and who can we thank for such a great program? A: Skate Skool began summer 2001 to provide skateboarding lessons to children 7-11 years of age. In 2011, Little Shredders was started in response to a growing interest for New Youth Programs for children in the kindergarten and T-K age group. Thanks for this program goes to the highly enthusiastic and passionate staff who want to share their knowledge in a healthful way. The first director was Steve Fancher, and since then we’ve had only two other directors. The current director Jacob Glasson was a product of the Skate Camp and started as a junior counselor, counselor, and this summer was promoted to director. There’s a culture of change that staff are told they are responsible to provide. Skate staff state the rules up front so that all skaters in camp know to watch out for each other, keep their deck in check, use eye contact, and hand signals to let someone know when it’s their turn and to be a kind and caring skater.

Whine not!

Contact me today for all of your home-financing needs! 4050 Calle Real ∙ Suite 120 ∙ Santa Barbara, CA 93110

Jon McCuskey (805) 456-9120 Loan Officer, NMLS #357850 www.jonmccuskey.com jon.mccuskey@prospectmtg.com

Loan inquiries and applications in states where I am not licensed will be referred to a Loan Officer who is licensed in the property state. Equal Housing Lender. Prospect Mortgage is located at 15301 Ventura Blvd., Suite D300, Sherman Oaks, CA 91403, 800-464-2484. Prospect Mortgage, LLC, NMLS ID #3296, (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org) is a Delaware limited liability company, licensed by the Department of Business Oversight under the California Residential Mortgage Lending Act. This is not an offer for extension of credit or a commitment to lend. Rev 6.12.15 (0615-2197) LR 2015-391

Wine Wednesdays are back for the fall with our Ultra Coveted Linne Calodo ﬂight, featuring three highly rated and hard to ﬁnd wines from the world class Paso Robles winery!

Corks n’ Crowns Tasting Room and Wine Shop

32 Anacapa Street in the heart of Santa Barbara's Funk Zone Hours: Monday-Sunday 11am-7pm

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parents who may stay and watch or drop their skater and leave. I’ve also included the Welcome to Camp information for any other specifics about the rules of the park and the camp activities.

One happy kid and one impressive program

Your camp counselors are really great and supportive of the little kids just starting out. How are they chosen? I usually do recruitment and talk to skaters at Skaters Point and to current staff who know Skaters. This year, I used Craigslist and also took my business card to the local skateboard shops. Sports supervisor Jeff Smith and myself interviewed all selected staff. Staff then completed fingerprints, background checks, took TB tests, then received a total of 16 hours of training including, First Aid and CPR, Hourly Employment Orientation and Training, and Positive Strategies’ for working with participants.

For a parent interested in their child taking a week’s worth of camp, what should they expect? That their child will be scared, at first. Especially the Shredders (4-6 year olds). The Little Shredders get scared when they see the bigger kids and all of the staff and hoopla in the park. We tell the Shredders to just walk down the ramp, and staff often hold their hands and lift them up onto the pyramid. Parents should not force their skater to participate and prepare them ahead of time [because] it might be kind of scary at first. It is perfectly fine for especially Little Shredders to just watch and learn and walk to a counselor when they feel

Ready to shred, with a little help from a counselor

ready. Skaters start to feel kind of cool just being inside the park. Staff start with simple skills, such as pushing and balancing so every day there is a success. Each skater is given a piece of tape on their helmet, so staff know which group they belong to, and then the groups rotate to a different area of the park after about 25-30 minutes. Rules are strict regarding safety gear. Skaters and staff must wear helmets at all times (no exceptions), and skaters wear knee and elbow pads as well. Falling is part of learning, and staff teaches the skaters proper falling. All Shredders and skaters are signed into the park each day by

After Sk8 Skool is over, is there a way for the kids to hone in on their skills at Skaters Point? The PARC Foundation provides funding for free skateboarding clinics every Saturday (weather permitting) from 9 to 11 am. The park is closed to the public (just as for camps) and open only to skaters 12 years old and younger. The same staff who worked during the summer assist at the Free Saturday clinics. Our original Skateboard Camp director Steve Fancher, who has been with the program on and off since it started, directs the clinics. Extra safety gear is available if necessary. The same rules apply regarding helmets, elbow, and knee pads. For more information about Little Shredders, contact Terry Brown at (805) 560-7552. You may also go to Santa Barbara Parks and Recs summer fun website and see the video of a “typical day” at skate school: http://services. santabarbaraca.gov/SummerFun/littleshredders.html

Save WaTer DUring DroUghT We have no Water To Waste • Automatic sprinkler systems are the #1 use of water in our city, adjust & check your system every month. Lake Cachuma is at 21% of capacity

• It’s easy to switch from sprinklers to drip; this saves water, reduces runoff, & rebates may be available.

We are all in this together!

Call 564-5460 for a free Water Check Up. The City is here to help. WaterWiseSB.org

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Happy Fall, Y’all!

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Still tapping our feet...

a r a b r a B a t n a S

Obsessed With:

FLOWERS ON THE REG.

...to the Ben Harper beat

PICTURE THIS

p a n i n o re s t a u r a n t s. c o m

Excited to see what this next bi-week will bring.

rooks Institute photography alum Andreina Diaz created a business to incorporate her skills and the beauty of SB. “Eye See Santa Barbara” is a two-hour tour that Diaz coaches photography techniques along the way. Using professional, digital, or a phone camera, you’ll have unique and creative images that you’ll be more than happy to show off.

Eye See Santa Barbara Photography Tours (310) 384-8127 andreina@eyeseesantabarbara.com www.eyeseesantabarbara.com Instagram: @eyeseeSB

Bloom Floral & Foliage (805) 316-0287 info@bloomfloralandfoliage.com www.bloomfloralandfoliage.com Instagram: @bloomfloralfoliage

soups + salads + sandwiches

As always, please keep in touch. We want to know how awesome you are: megan@ santabarbarasentinel.com

ONTHESPOT:

ative Carpinterian Victoria Urquhart is making our days brighter with Bloom Floral + Foliage, a flower service delivering to the home or office each week. Choose a one-month to 12-month subscription to make it easy. And since she sources locally, you can guarantee to receive a unique arrangement every time.

PANINO

ucky for us Santa Barbarians, fall doesn’t mean we have to retire our swimsuits just yet. Read through our cover story to see if we featured your favorite sandy spot. In addition, we have Andersen’s Danish Bakery making our taste buds explode in Quick Bites, there’s a food fight (kinda) happening at the SB Public Market, Michael McDonald shares his Youth Interactive partnership in 5 Things, Chicano Batman (who opened for the Alabama Shakes) is in our Q&A, Harry’s Plaza Café makes a mean Hurricane in Raising the Bar, and more, more, more!

Open for Lunch Daily Los Olivos (805) 688 9304

Santa Barbara (805) 963 3700

Goleta (805) 683 3670

Solvang (805) 688 0608

Montecito (805) 565 0137

Santa Ynez (805) 688 0213

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2015

a r a b r a B Santa

l a v i t s e F r Be e N U F & , C I S U M , D O O F ark BEER, P s g n i l E | m p 17 | 12-4 tober c O , y a d r u t a S tober 12 c o g n i t r a e | $60 st l a s e r p 0 $5 w: follow us o n k to t s r fi Be the estival f r e e b b s @ k on Faceboo uy tickets b d n a e r o m Learn tival.com at sbbeerfes and from to s e id r s u b FREE ta Barbara n a S n w to n w do 21+ only

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t Samy’s Camera, the employees use and understand the equipment they sell. If you want the best advice on camera gear, visit your only local camera shop in downtown Santa Barbara, where they match most online prices.

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©Tom Judah

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Samy’s Camera • 530 State St, Santa Barbara, CA 93101 • (805) 963-7269

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S E P T E M B E R 2 6 – O C TO B E R 1 0 | 2 0 1 5 |

by Christina Enoch

Blueberry muffin (flourless) blueberry, almond, coconut, coconut sugar, organic egg, vanilla bean, arrowroot. So good.

SHALL WE DANCE, THEN EAT AT BOOCHIES? Boochies’s girl working hard to nourish you

compete in international-style Latin dance contests. (Come knock on Santa Barbara Dance Center on De La Guerra – ask for Vasily Golovin+Anastasia Banderovskaya. They are my coaches.) With the competition day approaching, the studio is my second home. And of course, I sneak out and lurk around the block looking for food. Well, I found a gem, so let me tell you all about it. Boochies. I know, say it again. Emphasis on “Boo” – drag it out. How adorable does it sound? It’s kind of hidden on West De La Guerra, so you have to open your eyes wide. Once you find the sign, go into to the cutest and most inviting café. The owner and nutritionist, Rebekah Winquest, and her lovely staffs crank out a lot of yummy goodness. Organic, raw,

Early and natural, just the way everything is supposed to be

Matcha, ceremonial style. Pure organic matcha handwhisked, the right way to drink matcha. (I’m Asian) Gorgeous Boochie herself, Rebekah Winquest

The cutest café in town, Boochies: organic, raw, gluten-free, nutrient-dense food

gluten free, nutrient-dense yumminess. Rebekah started brewing Kombucha since she was a little girl. And that’s when she got her family nickname: Boochies. Insanely passionate about health and nutrition (she focuses on digestion-clean gut), she published raw cookbooks in her early 20s and started a health blog. You think you want a new iPhone for your birthday?

Gluten free desserts and raw-energy cookies

After years of working full time for an ad agency, Christina found her passion in cooking and food. Now armed with her newfound title, “Culinary School Graduate Food Blogger,” she writes and shares her passion for food, cooking, restaurants, photography and food styling in her popular blog, black dog :: food blog. Christina’s a proud mommy of not one but two shelter dogs and lives here in Santa Barbara with her husband. She’s also an avid Polynesian dancer, beach lover, traveler, swimmer, snowboarder and most of all, a lover of anything edible and yummy. Check out her ramblings here and at www.blackdogfoodblog.com.

Well, Rebekah wanted a dehydrator for her birthday. Talk about passion at an early age. Don’t be afraid asking questions, discuss your food intolerance, health issues. She is extremely knowledgeable, and one of the most genuine persons I’ve ever met. To name a few of my favorites: veggie cauliflower crust pizza, raw veggie wrap with coconut tortilla, stuffed pepper, veggie parm, Any of their drinks – they have one page dedicated to matcha. Muffins, Thumbprint cookies, mac and cheese, skinny G fresh juice. I went three times last week. What a treat for me to walk over there after dance practice and fully load up my body with powerful nutrients. Thank you, Rebekah for nourishing Santa Barbara. It’s Boochielious! P.S. Are you a Doritos-eating dude? Well, there are a lot of pretty girls who come here.

Veggie pizza. Cauliflower crust, sunflower almond dressing, goat cheese, tomato, basil, spinach, quinoa burger crumbles.

Veggie parm (I call it a dome) with a lot of spinach, tomatoes, and a nutritional yeast crust. Grab that Sriracha on the table. Squeeze some on it. Bam! Veggie parm becomes Veggie Rocket.

Would that work? Whatever works to make you drop that Doritos bag and go get a cup of matcha. Good start, yes?

Boochies 113 W. De La Guerra Street, Santa Barbara; (805) 259-5902

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5 ThingsYouDidn’tKnowAbout:

MICHAEL MCDONALD AND YOUTH INTERACTIVE ENTREPRENEURSHIP ACADEMY

ichael McDonald – singer, songwriter, and multiaward winner – is a Santa Barbara resident using his star-power to raise awareness for Youth Interactive. YI is a creative entrepreneurial academy that gives at-risk, underserved youth firsthand experience through enrichment programs to lead productive lives (such as creating companies, designing and making products, and taking charge of sales and marketing). Michael will share the evening with five-time Grammy nominees Ambrosia and local artist Tommy Alexander on Sunday, October 11, at the Lobero Theatre. Proceeds from the benefit concert will support YI.

1. My daughter first brought YI to my attention in 2012. It just sounded like such a wonderful program for kids in the SB county. With pressures of staying in school (with teen pregnancy or whatever that might be), this is a great way to help kids with talents and potential. 2. A lot of the kids came to the program through the court system. Instead of being a part of the penal system, they got into YI for rehabilitation while learning entrepreneurial skills where they are able to possibly make a living. That’s a wonderful thing.

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Q&A WITH

CHICANO BATMAN

e fell in love with Chicano Batman when they opened for the Alabama W Shakes this year. And Hallelujah, our music crush is coming back to play at the Santa Barbara Bowl for the Dia De Los Muertos Celebration presented by KCRW. The show is on Friday, October 30, at 5 pm. Paint your face, dress in costume, and get ready to get your jam on.

3. [Also playing at the Lobero is] Ambrosia, a group I toured with for years during ‘70s with the [Doobie Brothers]. One of SB’s newest and brightest young artists from the SB area, Tommy Alexander will also be performing. It’s going to be a great evening of local people coming to support the community with great ‘70s and ‘80s music to boot.

4. Age four was my first realization of music. My dad was a singer, and he introduced me to the love of songs and songwriters. That was really my earliest education. My whole family loved everything from Broadway musicals to pop music of the era.

5. First memories of SB were playing at the Mar Monte hotel at a club called The Brewery in the early ‘70s when I first moved to California. I had a little Ford Pinto, and driving up here I remember thinking to myself, “Someday, if I ever could afford it, this is where I would love to live.” Later, when I started to make a little money playing music, I was driving back from San Francisco (while I was with the Doobie Brothers), and I stopped in SB that evening. Just standing on State Street on a summer night, the air and the weather... it’s kind of intoxicating. It really has become home for me and my wife over the years. Michael McDonald Benefit for Youth Interactive

Sunday, October 11, 6 pm • Lobero Theatre • 33 East Canon Perdido Street, Santa Barbara • (805) 963-0761 VIP dinner reservations: (805) 453-4123 • Tickets: www.Lobero.com

Sublime Spaces

ON ISLAND TIME

by Andy Wood

anta Cruz Island has a vastness of unique flora, fauna, and geology that resembles a mini-California. It is a hiking, kayaking, fishing, and camping paradise. The National Park Service owns 24 percent of the island, and the Nature Conservancy owns the rest. On the Island, you can find two mountain ranges, a central valley, deep canyons, springs and streams, 77 miles of craggy coastline cliffs, and giant sea caves. For transportation to the islands and hiking information, contact Truth Aquatics. Truth Aquatics 301 West Cabrillo Boulevard, Santa Barbara (805) 962-1127 • www.truthaquatics.com

Editor’s note: In Vol. 4 Iss. 18 –our mistake– Shoreline Park requires dogs to be leashed at all times.

Q. What is your favorite song to play live? A. “Balloon”. No one sees it coming. We’re so locked in. We add funk to it, and we kind of go into space. Even in large venues, you guys are able to keep it super-intimate with not only your sound, but the way you move. Who or what goes through your head when you perform? Personally, we’ve sacrificed so much (such as master’s degrees and 9 to 5 careers) to be in this band and to play music, so when you’re performing for 45 minutes, you treasure every second knowing it could be your last time you ever play. Wow. It’s kind of like going to church. It’s my closest thing to having any kind of religion. It’s our sermon. You’re there to touch people, and they give back to you. We get to connect with so many people on so many different levels. Amen! Great answer. Final question, how old are you and are you single? (Laughing) No, I’m 33 and married. Gotcha. Chicano Batman at the Santa Barbara Bowl Friday, October 30, 5 pm 1122 North Milpas Street (805) 962-7411 For tickets: www.sbbowl.com

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...continued from p.7

back and see you because, you know, I was always freaked about the future, what it would be like, what stuff would look like...” My stick-figured little counterpart started in, shifted his tiny pajama butt around the bed’s edge in a gesture of preparedness, his dumb little features crammed cruelly down into his lantern chin and crinkling with anticipation. “Well, what’s it like? What year are you from?” “2015,” I said falteringly. I could barely believe the sound of it as I spoke. “2015! Holy crap!” Aw, what the hell. “Cool?” “Yeah! My sister took me to see 2001 downtown, but 2015?” “Yeah, man. It’s very, very cool. You wouldn’t believe the stuff we’ve got – “ “Flying cars?” “...uh, what?” “Flying cars! What do they look like? How fast?” I thought of a local news story I’d seen a day or so before. “Car leaves road in fiery crash. Texting suspected.” “Yeah, we’ve got flying cars, you kidding? What’s the future without flying cars?” He grew quiet. “What about mom and dad?” “Dad passed in ‘97. 1997, I mean. Mom passed in 2014.” “Huh.” He looked down at his hands, then sneaked a look up at me. “Were you… will I be very sad?” “Of course!” He reconnoitered. “Well, what do the spaceships look like? Have you been in one? Are they all over the solar system? In 2001, the airplanes fly so high they orbit the Earth. They fly all the way to the moon!” I vividly remembered the Kubrick movie and my big sister taking me downtown to see it, remembered the Space Shuttle design of the PanAm plane in the movie, the stewardess walking up the wall to serve drinks to First Class. I can’t lie to this kid. Maybe if he knows the score he can readjust the time flux, fiddle with the Destiny Dials, repurpose the chronosynclasticinfindibulum, as Vonnegut might suggest. “Yaaa… uh, look, Jeff. Jeffry? We don’t have spaceships, actually. The last moon landing will happen while turtlenecks and mutton chops are still in fashion. NASA’s going to remain a pioneering outfit, but they’ll be pioneering ways to do space exploration on the cheap, dropping radiometric salt shakers on Neptune, stuff like that. They’re gonna give the spaceship-building over to a billionaire whose invention let’s us shop in our underwear. No space stations, no cloud cities, no giant robots… none of

that stuff will happen by 2015. We… shifted priorities.” “Well…whatta you guys got?” I took my Android Galaxy Edge 6 out. “Have a look at that!” “I already have an Etch-a-Sketch.” “That’s no Etch-a-Sketch, Jeffry! That’s the future!” He dropped off the bed and walked over. “Cool. What is it?” “Um. It’s a phone.” “…whaddya mean? Like a telephone?” “Yeah. But, ah, look at all the other stuff it does.” There was no Internet to speak of in ‘69 so I flipped on a game. Angry Birds. He looked bored for a minute, then reached for the phone and started staring intently at the screen, trying to play. I saw the 21st century in that gesture, writ crushingly huge. “Uh, let me have that back, Jeffry. You’ll, uh, have plenty of time for this later.” He went back and sat on the bed. “The future is a phone,” he said in a disappointed little My Three Sons voice, but petulantly. What, am I supposed to feel guilty about the flying cars?! “The future is people, you little twerp!” I hissed. “Just like the past.” “Jeffry!” my dad called suddenly from downstairs, and my head swam. “Hit the hay, pardner!” “Oh, Bob, leave him alone,” my mom said, as she always had. “Well, who the hell’s he talking to?” my dad said in his amused, loving voice. “He’s talking to himself!” mom said. I could picture them sitting by that lamp with the brown cork base. Somewhere, they were always alive and good naturedly sparring in the living room, sitting around that lamp. Somewhere. Is that what a continuum is? Note to self: ask “Joe.” “Daaaad!” Jeffry called with his thin little-girl voice, and looking right at me. “Will you come up here a minute?” “Sure!” my dad said. He grunted lightly up and out of the tattered wingback chair he refused to have reupholstered, his stocking feet padded to the foot of the stairs and started climbing. I hadn’t seen him climb stairs for years. He’d become somnolent late in life, no more laughter, no more talking. What the hell is this?! I gestured. Jeffry raised his twig-like Davy Crockett arm and motioned me to the closet. Huh! I got in there and drew the door closed, grabbed the knob for support. Bob Wing made the top of the landing and lightly bounded onto hardwood, made the U-turn and began his easy lope down the long hall to my room. “Here he comes!” Jeffry said.

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Animal House

CURIOUS KITTY

arvel was adopted from the ASAP shelter in Goleta. He recently played the role of a “superhero cat” when he figured out how to escape from his carrier, open the car window, and jump out. (He was reunited with his owners five worrisome hours later.) Marvel loves to play with toys that resemble birds or mice, likes to wrestle with dogs, and explores the outdoors with a trusty harness.

To see your pet in ANIMAL HOUSE/Pet of the Week, email a photo, name of pet and owners, and some fun facts to megan@santabarbarasentinel.com

PlantingRoots

by Frederique Lavoipierre Director of Education at Santa Barbara Botanic Garden

MONARCH MAINTENANCE

he Milkweed plant, native to California, is what monarch caterpillars like best and is worth planting now for next summer’s garden. It’s not to be confused with the widely available tropical milkweed, which promotes parasites that attack monarchs (because it does not die back in the winter in our mild climate). If you love monarchs, it is critical to cut back tropical milkweed to the ground during the winter to protect butterflies from this devastating disease. But why not make growing milkweed trouble-free by planting our native species? In addition to the common narrow-leaf milkweed, several other native species can be found with a little sleuthing. Remember to choose your planting site where you don’t mind your plants being munched for caterpillar lunch – because without caterpillars, there are no butterflies! Santa Barbara Botanic Garden 1212 Mission Canyon Road, Santa Barbara, CA, 93105, 682-4726 www.sbbg.org

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PLANB by Briana Westmacott

When Briana isn’t lecturing for her writing courses at UCSB and SBCC, she contributes to The Santa Barbara Skinny, Wake & Wander and Flutter Magazine. Along with her passion for writing and all things Santa Barbara, much of her time is spent multitasking through her days as a mother, wife, sister, want-to-be chef and travel junky. Writing is an outlet that ensures mental stability... usually.

SANTA BARBARA’S STORYBOOK LIFE

The Mazza sisters, Lily and Kate, in front of their neighborhood bookshop

Look at those full shelves at Shady Oak Library!

had gone mad. There were tears and laughter and momentary lapses of reality as I walked around the house for two days straight, unable to tear my eyes from the pages of this book. It is rare for me to use fiction as fodder, but this book was so damn good it got me thinking… and writing. The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin is a tale that celebrates those who worship books and reading and the messiness of love and life. Zevin’s pages inspired me to seek out and highlight a few special book nooks in Santa Barbara. Our town happens to have more book peddlers than you would think; aren’t we lucky? Did you ever notice that you never feel isolated in a bookstore? The universe of words surrounding you makes loneliness an absolute impossibility. We have an abundance of booksellers and lovers within our community – and this is my guided tour to noteworthy and possibly lesserknow book pushers in town: • Have you seen a large birdhouse look-alike posted in front of a home in your neighborhood? These mini wooden houses contain books that come and go on the “give a book, take a book” basis. Santa Barbara has 14 (yes, 14!) registered Free Little libraries around town. This is a true testimony that our community is dedicated to keeping the pages turning and circulated on our streets. You can check out the Free Little Library website to find the nearest corner bookshop to you: www.freelittlelibrary.org. The

Jareme Magara and Erin Humphreys are two of Chaucer’s knowledgeable and helpful staff members

We found this Free Little Library just down the hill from our house

website will also give you complete instructions on how to go about setting up your own neighborhood lending library. (I totally want one!) • Shady Oak Library is stationed on the corner of San Roque Road and Calle Fresno. Shady Oak isn’t registered on the Free Little Library site, but it’s a popular stop. It’s rare not to see a car or person parked at Shady Oak, shuffling books from the racks or just flipping through pages. Clearly crafted by a lover of literature, this three-shelf treasure magically gets covered when it rains and is open for business every day of the week. • For 41 years, Chaucer’s Bookstore has had its doors open in Santa Barbara. It’s one of my favorites when it comes to book shopping; the store is perfectly

organized, and it has a huge room devoted to children’s literature. The helpful staff is readily available to search out and find what you are seeking. They also have cards and calendars and journals. Another perk that Chaucer’s offers is the free gift-wrapping. It’s my go-to for kids’ birthday gifts. The travel section is also a good place to plop down on the floor and dream: www. chaucersbooks.com • Tecolote Bookshop feels like you have walked into a library in someone’s home. With oriental carpets and dark wooden shelves, the 90-year-old shop embodies everything that is traditional about a bookstore. Just off East Valley Road in The Montecito Village, Tecolote is the grandfather book proprietor in our community; 90 years, which is quite commendable! • A little secret spot I frequent is the UCSB Bookstore. I have the advantage of teaching on the campus, and this has led me to find the bookstore’s impressive selection of titles for everyone. Downstairs where the textbooks are located, you will find a section of shelves

dedicated to all kinds of fiction and two full rows of children’s literature. The best part is that you pay student prices for some really great books. Santa Claus has been known to frequent those aisles to help with stuffing the stockings. www. ucsbstuff.com • There is a blue awning on Cliff Drive right next to Taco Bell that you may miss if you blink. It reads Mesa Book Store, and inside its doors it contains worlds of words. You can sell your old books and gather new paperbacks for a whopping $1. The store has an everchanging variety of material on its shelves. Mesa Book Store is located at 1838 Cliff Drive. Literature is a gift. Its power to absorb our minds, temporarily dislodge us from reality, and leave us with a new perspective on everyday life is invaluable. Hunting down all these corners and alcoves in our community where literature lingers made me realize that Santa Barbara is truly a community of book lovers. This is just one more reason to revel living in SB.

BRIANA’S BEST BET

good book, like a good friend, is hard to find and will always be cherished. I owe thanks to my friend Jessica Barker for giving me The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry. Jessica is a physician assistant, and our daughters go to school together. Jess practices at Pacific Plastic Surgery, where she perfectly performs beauty procedures for her clients. If you are in need of any treatments, you should schedule an appointment with her at: www. pacificplasticsurgery.com • While we are on the subject of books, Sentinel director Megan Waldrep wrote a sweet children’s book called Spice & Little Sugar. Get down to Chaucer’s to grab a signed copy!

IHeart SB

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BY Elizabeth Rose

I Heart SB is a social experiment in dating and relationships through stories shared with and experienced by a thirty-something living in the Greater Santa Barbara area. All stories herein are based on actual events. Some names, places, and timelines have been altered to preserve anonymity and, most of all, for your reading enjoyment. Submit stories (maximum 700 words) to letters@santabarbarasentinel.com.

“MEET CUTE”

t’s ironic I happened to be writing the “How to Keep A Lover” article (last issue) when we met. I was in the zone, tapping my laptop keys not nearly as fast as my mind was racing, when I heard someone enter the doors of the Sentinel headquarters. Muffled voices in the front room were nothing new (people come by all the time), but my ears tuned in when I heard footsteps coming down the hall.

your super-cute friend!” I say. “You should ask him out. He would totally say yes,” he said. “But he’s leaving tomorrow, so...” Dang it. He turns and makes his way to leave. “Well, thanks for the vote of confidence anyway!,” I yell after him. Okay, where was I... I make final edits to the article and pack up, doing my best to let go of the missed opportunity in the process. As I leave

I tried to get my focus back on the article, but all I could think was finding a way for us to connect again Before I knew it, a male’s voice emerged from behind. “Are you Elizabeth?” I turn around to find a strikingly handsome man standing in my office doorway. Whoa. I feel my eyes widen for a second as I stand up to greet him. “Why, yes. I’m Elizabeth.” Hell yes, I am Elizabeth! He came by to see his friend/my co-worker who he has known since pre-school days (awww), but since his friend/my coworker was running an errand, he was wasting a little time until his return. Waste all the time you want. Is that door frame you’re leaning on comfortable? I tried to pay attention to our conversation, but honestly I was too busy enjoying the vision in front of me to make sense of every word that was coming out of his mouth. After a nice chat (how much can you really talk about in a quiet office?), he leaves to wait outside. Wow. What a was a sweet surprise that was. I tried to get my focus back on the article, but all I could think was finding a way for us to connect again. I couldn’t let it go that easily. But he had left, and I wasn’t going to run after him (I had a deadline, after all). Guess it wasn’t meant to be. Five minutes later, my co-worker comes back to the office to say he’s leaving for the rest of the day to hang with his friend, who he hadn’t seen in years. “Okay. Well, have fun with

the office, I take one last look around outside and I get in my car. Nothing. Oh, well. I buckle up, start the engine, and put my car in drive. As I pull out of the parking lot, I see two figures walking my way. It’s him! Sweet! I roll my window down to say one last goodbye: Me: “Hi, again! It was so nice to meet you.” Him: “It was great to meet you, too.” “I hear you’re leaving tomorrow?” “No, actually I’ll be here for several more days.” Awesome! “Really? So, would you like to go to lunch sometime before you leave?” “Absolutely!” “Great! I’ll get your number and give you a shout.” “Sounds perfect.” “Alright then. Talk to you soon.” I give my best casual-but-flirty wave and turn onto the road home. Not too shabby. I was pretty proud of how smooth I was, asking him out (but having been given the “green light,” I admit, helped a lot.) It couldn’t have turned out any better – I was going to have lunch with this sweet human being who seemed super-genuine (and was good-looking to boot). Better yet, he’d be on his way back home in a few days. No pressure. Little did I know, it wasn’t going to be that easy.

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ASHORETHING by Megan Waldrep

ENDLESS SUMMER

isitors just rolling into town may be pleasantly surprised by the unseasonably warm/hot temperatures they’ve encountered. Thanks to El Niño, Santa Barbara’s summer season has been extended and the weather is a little jacked – as in, it’s hitting 90 degrees this weekend with 70-plus-degree water temps. Hello! East Beach and West Beach are iconic, accessible and quite visible, even to the most obtuse visitor. But, for those intrepid souls looking for alternatives to the obvious, we Sentinel editors and writers (good folks that we are) have outlined a few other choices at which to plop down a towel, lather on sunscreen, and enjoy the view(s).

REFUGIO STATE BEACH

Hours: dawn to dusk (805) 968-1033 parks.ca.gov Dogs on a leash at all times.

ISLA VISTA BEACH

h, Isla Vista. What can we say? First-timers to IV may be surprised by the quaint seaside cove. Walking along the bluffs, I faced four college kids, about age 19, walking toward me. As they approached, a techno song blared into the quiet Sunday air on a decibel only 21-year-olds and younger can handle. There was no doubt about it, I was in their territory now. Welcome to Isla Vista.

he wide-open road heading north on the 101 readies the mind for an escape, and Refugio (literally translated to, “haven”) State Beach is a place that takes you elsewhere. Turning off the exit and crossing under the highway brings you to the beginning of the adventure. Once you hit the coast, giant Canary Island palms line the cove, creating a tropical get-away. Whether you’re camping overnight or just for the day, a beach shop and café will fill in the holes of whatever you’ve left behind or what you forgot you needed. Barbecue smells float through the air, creating an endless summer away from it all. Refugio State Beach 10 Refugio Beach Road, Goleta (805) 968-1033 parks.ca.gov Dogs on leash at all times.

EL CAPITAN STATE BEACH

t a quick glance, entering El Capitan State Beach is reminiscent of traveling down to Pfeiffer State Beach in Big Sur. Past the windy path and park entrance is the four-mile stretch of quiet beach. To the right is a sandy coastline and to the left, a rockier coast. The land platform on the left houses picnic tables for intimate afternoons of gazing into the blue Pacific. El Capitan State Beach Exit 117 off Highway 101, Goleta

Isla Vista Beach Corner of Camino Majorca and Del Playa Drive *Dogs allowed on leash.

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STATE STREET LUNCH SPOT

Holdren’s Steaks & Seafood

ttention business people and mid-day shoppers: we’ve got your next lunch date for you. Holdren’s Roasted Beet Salad is out of this world. Sautéed shrimp with red and yellow beets are tossed with house-made pomegranate vinaigrette over spinach. The goat cheese on top makes us say, “Mmmm...”

ISLAND BREWING COMPANY’S AVOCADO HONEY ALE

omething to drink during these last few days of fleeting sun and the beginning of fall. Crisp and crackery, with floral undertones from the use of this tasty honey made from avocado blossoms. It has a light flavor that adds a brightness to your day, or night, or whenever you decide to drink this brisk, airy ale. - @TheBeerGuyLife

Island Brewing Company • 5049 Sixth Street, Carpinteria (805)745-8272 Mon-Thurs: 2 to 9 pm • Fri: noon-10 pm Sat: 11 am-10 pm • Sun: 11 am-9 pm islandbrewingcompany.com • Instagram: @IslandBrewingCompany

GOLETA BEACH

Holdren’s Steaks & Seafood 512 State Street • (805) 965-3363 www.holdrens.com • Instagram: @Holdrens_SB

Arroyo Burro Beach Park 2981 Cliff Drive, Santa Barbara Hours: 6 am to sunset www.countyofsb.org Dogs allowed where permitted.

LEADBETTER BEACH

little off the main State Street drag, Leadbetter Beach can be just as busy as its city-owned brethren of East and West Beach. The grassy lawn is home to reservable barbecues and picnic tables and the surrounding palm trees make for active playtime. Outdoor showers and restrooms are a bonus, while Shoreline Beach Café accommodates hungry beach dwellers to sit on their patio or even the sand. The gentle break makes this a perfect spot for newbie surfers, but leave Fido at home – no dogs allowed.

his county beach park has everything you need for a beach day. Barbecue grills, picnic tables, horseshoes, and a good-sized playground will keep the family entertained for hours. Abundance of trees equal great shade to plop down for the afternoon. (Major bonus: the bathrooms have soap and hand dryers.) Kayaking and SUP rentals are accessible, as well as a great-for-fishing pier with a boat launch ready to place your watercraft in its home on the water. The Beachside Bar Café has ceiling to floor windows to enjoy the ocean while grubbing down to your heart’s desire. Goleta Beach 5986 Sandspit Road, Goleta Hours: 8 am to sunset (805) 568-2461 www.sbparks.org Dogs to be kept on leash.

ARROYO BURRO BEACH PARK

e know this county park as Hendry’s Beach. Walk past the Boathouse restaurant to find a nice stretch of land between steep cliffs and water. The bluffs create an intimate and cozy feel, perfect for lounging with an umbrella and multi-blanket “island” for the day. Bathrooms by the Boathouse are convenient, and parking is relatively easy to find (just pack your patience on the busy days). Dogs can roam free once guided on leash through the parking lot and past the Arroyo Burro Slough, and self-service dog wash stations are available to help get your furry friend sand-free.

Leadbetter Beach Shoreline Drive and Loma Alta (805) 564-5418 Hours: 8 am -10 pm www.santabarbaraca.gov No dogs allowed

...continued p.30

SIT A SPELL

Garden Market

ucked off Santa Claus Lane is the Garden Market, a garden oasis right off the beach. Breakfast and lunch is served daily, as well as an extensive fine wine list that rivals any. Reserve the space for a private event that you and your crowd will savor – butterflies and hummingbirds included, naturally.

Garden Market 3811 Santa Claus Lane, Carpinteria Open 7 days a week: 8 am to 5 pm (805) 745-5505 • www.gardenmarketsb.com

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...continued from p.29 BUTTERFLY BEACH

eachgoers have been saying “meet me at the wall” ever since... well, ever since the “wall” went up nearly 100 years ago. Across from the Four Seasons Biltmore, county-owned Butterfly Beach is a people-watching haven. The thin, sandy layout mixed with high tide creates a narrow runway to see and be seen. Higher tide make beach settlers perch on the wall, so fun-in-the-sun is still to be had regardless of the availability of sandy real estate. The west-facing beach means sunsets to assist in blowing up your Instagram account. A bike path from the SB Pier to Butterfly makes a scenic city jaunt a part of your beach adventure. But no public facilities (sorry). Butterfly Beach Butterfly Lane and Channel Drive, Montecito Dogs allowed on leash.

MIRAMAR BEACH

legendary beach for nostalgic Santa Barbara local residents begins with stairs leading down to the Pacific. The south-facing cove was home to the Miramar Hotel Resort – a place that now lives on in fond memories of the lucky ones who

A HAPPY GALLERY

The Gallery Montecito

e love this space. The bright and airy vibe of the gallery complements the currently highlighted works of Ojai painter David Reeser, Montecito sculptress Joan Rosenberg, and co-owner and artist Gary Craig. The intent of the gallery is to merge artistic works to benefit charities – art that makes a difference is something we can get behind. The Gallery Montecito 1277 Coast Village Road (805) 969-1180 • www.TheGalleryMontecito.com

had a chance to experience the glory. A nice stroll east brings to you to Fernald Point, the sight for some sweet beachside residences. The parking lot is small, but you may line you car along the streets on the other side of the railroad tracks when needed. Use the San Ysidro Road exit to take pleasure in a quick break to breathe and reboot. Miramar Beach Eucalyptus Lane and Edgecliff Lane, Montecito Dogs allowed on leash.

SANTA CLAUS BEACH

his long, expansive beach is informally known as “the tracks,” as the Southern Pacific makes it presence known three or four times a day and beachgoers must negotiate their way over the tracks. Weddings often take place here, due to its backdrop of the San Rafael Mountains. Restaurants, shops, and water activity rentals are available on this stretch of land, making an all-day beach day easy to come by. The iconic rooftop Santa welcomed visitors here for more than 50 years, but it now smiles good-naturedly at passing cars off Highway 101 in Oxnard. Santa Claus Beach Santa Claus Lane, Carpinteria www.carpinteria.com Hours: Dusk to dawn Dogs allowed on leash.

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CARPINTERIA BEACH

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BEACH DAY DELICIOUSNESS

Nutbelly Pizzeria & Deli

fter a long day at the beach, we crave a crisp farmers market salad and pizza from Nutbelly. There are plenty options for meat lovers, vegetarians, and vegans alike. One thing we can all agree on is the house-made Fig Balsamic dressing – use on your salads or as a dip for pizza to send your tastes buds into overdrive.

ne of the last stops in Santa Barbara County, south on the 101 is the “World’s Safest Beach” – a gem held close to the hearts of Carpinterians and visitors alike. Surfing, swimming, surf fishing, tide pool exploration, walking trails, and mountain views make this coastal beach community one to keep on the short list. One of the best parts of heading to Carp beach is traveling down Linden Avenue, the main drag that sets the tone for the small beach town vibe that is hard to come by in California. Carpinteria Beach Off 101 South, 12 miles from Santa Barbara www.carpinteria.com

Nutbelly Pizzeria & Deli 915 Linden Avenue, Carpinteria • (805) 684-3354 Open 11 am to 9 pm • Closed Tuesdays www.nutbelly.com • Instagram: @Nutbelly_Pizza

n the Santa Barbara/Ventura county line lies the “Queen of the Coast,” one of the most sought-after surf breaks on the planet. Park your gear at the Cove, Rivermouth, or Indicator and be entertained by shred-worthy riders on all sides. Rincon (Spanish for “corner” or “nook”) presents well-formed waves and mile-long rides. But be warned – this place is no joke. If you’re thinking of surfing Rincon this winter, you better know what you’re doing. Prepare for heavy crowds and territorial locals who’ve been doing this for years. If this doesn’t fit your bill, take your ride to Leadbetter to save face.

RINCON BEACH

Rincon Beach Park Bates Road Exit off 101 South

The Santa Barbara Botanic Garden

Fall Native Plant Sale Sat, Oct 3 - Sun, Nov 1-10am - 5pm Photo by William Tover

DID SOMEONE SAY, “BACON?”

Blind Tiger

es, this is real life. Blind Tiger has done us all a favor and mixed three of the tastiest ingredients known to woman and man – popcorn, maple syrup, and bacon. This delicious snack is at your service, and after wandering through three stories of Blind Tiger’s historic building, you’re sure to work up an appetite. Bacon lovers rejoice.

Blind Tiger 409 State Street, Santa Barbara Tues thru Sun: 4 pm to close (805) 957-4111 • @BlindTigerSB • www.BlindTigerSB.com

Plant native milkweed now for monarchs next summer.

Fall is our Planting Season

Become a member for your invite to the preview party and discounts on plants and programs.

1212 Mission Canyon Road • Santa Barbara, CA 93105 • www.sbbg.org

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SYVSNAPSHOT

by Eva Van Prooyen Keeping a finger on the pulse of the Santa Ynez Val-

ley: what to eat, where to go, who to meet, and what to drink. Pretty much everything and anything situated between the Santa Ynez and San Rafael Mountains that could tickle one’s interest.

Fall Season Scarecrow Kick-Off

raditional announcers of autumn and the approaching holiday season for Santa Ynez Valley are the Harvest Festival and presence of hundreds of scarecrows lining the streets. It all started in 2010, when Sue Moualim of the Artistic Pony Studios, Ltd. and Susan Williams, of Solvang Third Wednesday, came up with the idea to celebrate the change of seasons in Solvang by holding the first annual Scarecrow Festival, where 60 businesses joined in the hay-bailed stuffed fun – and by October 2010, wacky, quirky, traditional, spooky, and downright funny scarecrows graced window displays, Overall Best in Field winner for 2014 SYV sidewalks, and park benches throughout the Scarecrow Fest came from Solvang Eco Wine Furniture (photo by Tenley Fohl photography) village of Solvang. What followed was a hearty competitive atmosphere between businesses. The impression of those first scarecrows resulted in more than 80 businesses joining in for the 2nd Annual Scarecrow Fest in 2011. Valley residents and visitors turned in approximately 600 voter ballots that year. By 2012, the Festival boasted at least 100 participating businesses with more than 1,200 ballots being turned in. Scarecrow categories were also expanded and a panel of judges was introduced. This year, the Valley will boast more than 200 scarecrows, and the public is invited and encouraged to judge and vote for their favorites. Categories include: Best Scarecrow in Motion, Best Use of Business Theme, Best Use of Recycled, Materials, Spookiest, Best Overall Scarecrow, and Most Humorous. Winning scarecrows from each town will be eligible for the “2015 Harvest Cup: Best in the Valley” title and trophy, and the winner of which will be announced at a ceremony in Buellton on November 18. Solvang business Eco Wine Furniture was awarded the 2014 Harvest Cup due to the scarecrow craftsmanship of owner, Jose Pedro Meza Santos. Each of the five Santa Ynez Valley towns holds their own, individual Scarecrow Fest and associated contests. Rules vary slightly from town to town, but all have the ultimate end goal of appointing a “Best Scarecrow” to represent each town in the quest for the Valleywide Harvest Cup trophy. These handcrafted Scarecrows will be showcased throughout the Valley, as Santa Ynez, Los Alamos, Los Olivos, Buellton, and Ballard all now join Solvang where stores, restaurants, bakeries, fudge houses, wine tasting rooms, taprooms, candy counters, ice cream stores, museums, salons, merchants, companies, individuals, school organizations, and even law offices will flaunt their creations and compete for autumnal bragging rights in the 6th Annual Scarecrow Festival and Contest. The month-long Festival begins on Friday, October 9, coinciding with the start of Santa Barbara Wine Country’s “Celebration of Harvest Weekend” event and will run through November 9. The Santa Ynez Valley offers something for everyone in the fall, with no fewer than five wine and food events happening simultaneously to the Valley’s Scarecrow Fest. During the month-long festival, visitors, and SYV residents are encouraged to play, stay, and enjoy the scarecrow sights and many scheduled events. The impressive line-up of fun also includes: October 9-12: Celebration of Harvest Weekend, Solvang October 17: Real Men Cook, Buellton October 17: Third Saturday Evening Stroll, Los Alamos October 17: 35th Annual Day in the Country, Los Olivos October 21: Third Wednesday Wine & Beer Walk, Solvang October 25: Wine & Chili Festival, Buellton October 30-31: 22nd Annual Halloween Haunted House and Street Fest, Solvang October 31: Halloween Street Faire, Santa Ynez October 31: Ballard Inn and Restaurant Haunted House More information about this year’s Santa Ynez Valley Scarecrow Fest is available at www.syvscarecrows.com.

Eva’s Top Faves:

My personal picks, best bets, hot tips, save the dates, and things not to miss! Hands-On Beekeeping Class

oin Jeremy Rose, local commercial beekeeper and author of Beekeeping in Coastal California, for a morning at the vineyard pond with his beehives. Jeremy has spent the last 10 years keeping bees naturally, despite today’s challenges to the health of honeybees. The goal for this class is to give “hobby” beekeepers and bee enthusiasts a basic understanding of bees along with the knowledge and confidence needed to successfully care for a hive. This is a buzz-worthy event for kids and adults; topics include beekeeping basics, handling frames of bees, and finding the queen. *Protective veils will be provided for all attendees, but please bring your own if you have it. Attendees must not be allergic to honeybee stings. When: Sunday, September 27, from 10 am to 1 pm Where: Presqu’ile Winery, 5391 Presquile Drive in Santa Maria Cost: $60 per person includes Presqu’ile wine and lunch prepared by chef Brian Evans Info: Tara@presquilewine.com or www.presquilewine.com/Visiting-and-Events/ Events

Swirl, Sniff, Sip, Guess, Rinse, and Repeat

lind Tasting Thursdays at Wandering Wine Dog is a friendly brown-bagged blind wine-tasting to challenge your palate, learn about wine, and compete with your wine-savvy friends to see how well you remember what these wines taste like and where they come from. When: October 8 between 4 and 7 pm Where: Wandering Wine Dog, 539 C Mission Drive in Solvang Cost: $15 per person – no reservations required Info: (805) 686-9126 www.wanderingdogwinebar.com

Movie Night in the Vineyards

n a cinematic kick-off to the Harvest Festival Weekend, Kalyra Winery will be showing Sideways as part of their yearly movie series. Join Jack and Miles as they tour Santa Ynez Valley in search of great wine but discover more about themselves than they bargained for. Kalyra brings in some of the area’s most celebrated food trucks, so come with an appetite, a thirst for good wine, blankets, warm jackets, low lawn chairs, good friends, and appetite. Vineyard movie-goers will also enjoy a gourmet popcorn bar and a friendly game of cornhole. Show starts at sundown. When: Friday, October 9 from 6 to 10 pm Where: Kalyra Winery, 343 North Refugio Road in Santa Ynez Info: www.kalyrawinery.com/Events/

Celebration of Harvest

hroughout the Valley, the announcement of autumn comes in with the wine country crush of harvest and celebration of the year’s bounty. Vintners take a break from the vineyards and cellars to pour their wines and share harvest tales at a Festival Grand Tasting, and throughout the weekend select wineries host their own events, ranging from winemaker dinners, library tastings, new wine releases, and barrel tastings. An all-inclusive tasting room pass called the Vintners Visa is available for purchase to experience unique and complimentary offerings at your choice of 12 tasting rooms. When: Grand Festival Saturday, October 10, from 1 to 4 pm Where: Old Mission Santa Inés in Solvang Cost: Vintners Visa $60 per person, Grand Tasting $75 per person Info: www.celebrationofharvest.com

Valley Girl Makes Zagat’s Top 30 Under 30!

n a celebration of rock stars redefining the culinary industry 30 years old and under, Zagat recently announced its picks and Emily Johnston, wine director for the Toscana Restaurant Group (S.Y. Kitchen, Toscana, and Bar Toscana) is among the 30 winners. Emily learned about wine among the vines in the Central Coast and studied to be a sommelier with Italy’s ALMA Scuola Internazionale di Cucina’s Wine Academy. So, it makes sense that she balances her love of Italian wines and California gems – being fluent in Italian and French doesn’t hurt, either. Where: Find Emily swirling, sipping, and serving up wine knowledge at S.Y. Kitchen in Santa Ynez

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CINEMA SCOPE

by James Luksic A longtime writer, editor and film critic, James has worked

nationwide for several websites and publications – including the Dayton Daily News, Key West Citizen, Topeka Capital-Journal and Santa Ynez Valley Journal. California is his eighth state. When he isn’t watching movies or sports around the Central Coast, you can find James writing and reading while he enjoys coffee and bacon, or Coke and pizza.

Rise and Fall

our crabby critic’s favorite season has emerged, and look what the autumnal winds have blown into auditoriums: serious and sober subjects, which include – to a discouraging degree – an onslaught of horror flicks. One of them is dissected at column’s end; the worst has been saved for last. A boost to the sagging “fright” genre could be the well-titled Crimson Peak, courtesy of revered Guillermo Del Toro, whose versatility and ingenuity (Pacific Rim, Mama, Pan’s Labyrinth, and Mimic) seems boundless.

Lawless Life and Death

he true tale Black Mass, with an unrecognizable Johnny Depp in the central role, follows the criminal path of Irish hoodlum James “Whitey” Bulger and his Winter Hill Gang of Boston, circa 1970s. A sprawling bio-depiction of heinous crimes and legal wrangling overpopulated with players, the searchlight shining brightest on Bulger’s brother (Benedict Cumberbatch) serving as state Senator, infamous FBI agent John Connolly (The Gift’s Joel Edgerton) and his suspicions wife (Julianne Nicholson), and a federal officer in the form of Kevin Bacon, returning to Beantown’s Southside after a similar turn in Mystic River. Frankly, a few Mass sequences too closely resemble those of River and Goodfellas. Exceptional Corey Stoll (House of Cards) as attorney Fred Wyshak doesn’t mince words while speaking for the silent majority: “How come no one has nailed Whitey Bulger?” And reliable Peter Sarsgaard supplies a sliver of expert acting, as the cohort-turned-informant in a drug-induced state while getting interrogated. Director Scott Cooper – for whom I’m eternally indebted since Out of the Furnace and whose Crazy Heart propelled Jeff Bridges to an acting Oscar – probably won’t mine such gold for Depp in this instance. The popular star’s transformation includes makeup, spooky cat’s-eye contact lenses (a constant distraction), and a silver-flecked receding hairline. Even so, Cooper oversees the project with crafty competence, though real-life informant Kevin Weeks has denounced Mass as “pure fiction.” Whether its script proves reasonably accurate or absurdly fabricated, the picture is loaded with dexterous touches, polished performances, and dramatic heft.

High Class

verest’s cast and crew scale the fabled mountain – Earth’s pinnacle – that towers (29,000 feet) above the Himalayans between Nepal and Tibet. Based on a fateful day in May 1996, this potent adventure enlists a top-shelf assembly, itemized

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in descending order of excellence: Jason Clarke (standing tall with his native Australian accent intact), Josh Brolin as a concerned climber and Robin Wright as his estranged wife, Jake Gyllenhaal (as cool as the environment), Emily Watson, Keira Knightley (an expectant mother back home), and Michael Kelly (as Jon Krakauer, author of Into Thin Air). Aptly enough, Icelandic director Baltasar Kormákur (Contraband) surveys the scene, traversing and navigating his prodigious production with seamless agility, unlike one predecessor of its ilk – 1993’s Alive, whose moribund dialogue didn’t live up to its title. From the hair-raising blizzard to the fleshed-out characterizations, Everest outmaneuvers most of its concurrent rivals, especially in its glorious Imax 3D format.

Unwelcome Visitors

he Visit, filmmaker M. Night Shyamalan’s half-hearted resurrection results in more of a whimper than a bang. With the success of his debut The Sixth Sense, Shyamalan backed himself into a corner; this time, the India native virtually locks himself into a haunted house – that of ailing grandparents who welcome to their chilly confines a pair of youngsters pawned off by their mother (Kathryn Hahn). The girl, I regret to report, carries around a camcorder – ostensibly for her pseudo-documentary, though it’s more a signal of the director’s laziness and fading imagination. The boy, even worse, tries his hand as a rap artist three separate times (it becomes obvious Shyamalan is bereft of ideas and needed stuffing for his bare-bones plot). Both children, to compound the contrivance, often Skype with their vacationing mom. The upshot, with every passing frame, becomes all too redolent of previous point-of-view horror flicks: The Blair Witch Project, Paranormal Activity, ill-conceived As Above, So Below – the list goes on. When action shifts to the farmhouse, Shyamalan manufactures a few fleeting chills with glimpses of a tree swing, a stable, and shed harboring personal articles. During its discombobulated climax as The Visit skids off the rails, viewers may think they’ve lost track – but when Grandpa smothers a child’s face with a sullied diaper, we merely come to realize Shyamalan has lost his mind.

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