Brilliant Thoughts

by Ernie Witham by Ashleigh Brilliant

Read more exciting adventures in Ernie’s World the Book and A Year in the Life Born London, 1933. Mother Canadian. Father a British civil servant. World War of a “Working” Writer. Both available at amazon.com or erniesworld.com. II childhood spent mostly in Toronto and Washington, D.C. Berkeley PhD. in Zoom-Piddie-Doo-Dah, Zoom-Piddie-Day American History, 1964. Living in Santa Barbara since 1973. No children. Best-known for his illustrated epigrams, called “Pot-Shots”, now a series of 10,000. Email ashleigh@west.net or visit www.ashleighbrilliant.com E very day millions of people are going to Zoom meetings, classes, get-togethers, sing-a-longs, and various other Zoom-capades. While a convenient way to congregate virtualshower. Or at least wash your hair.

Welcome to today’s Zoom class get a box, though, instead of just using them, but somehow Geometry seemed to make much more sense than the everyone. It appears we are missing a your kitchen table. others. Geometry (which means measuring the Earth) had to do with points few attendees. Let’s see, supposed to and lines, surfaces and shapes. Something about it appealed to me, perhaps be 50 and we have... 6. Excuse me, I because it was more visual. have a call... Simply click on the link I sent you, “Welcome to today’s Zoom class You started with imagining a “point,” which had no dimensions at all, and so could not be measured. And it could be anywhere. It was a “nothing.” Stan... in your email... with the meeting everyone. It appears we are missing a Then you imagined that point moving, and leaving a trail, called a “line.” If ID number. 15 minutes ago... from few attendees. Let’s see, supposed to that trail marked the shortest distance between its beginning and its end, the me... no, I’m afraid I can’t come over there to help. Aren’t there any teenagbe 50 and we have... 6. Excuse me, I line was called “straight.” That line had no thickness, but it did have length, which – aha! – now gave us something to measure. ers in your neighborhood? have a call. Simply click on the link I From there, you could bend the line on a flat surface to make enclosed

What’s that, Regina? You can’t hear very well? Just turn up your speaker. sent you, Stan... with the meeting ID shapes, like triangles, squares, and circles. (Circles were particularly interesting, because they were totally un-straight, but they gave you straight lines No! Not the stereo speaker. You are number, in your email... 15 minutes to the center [radius] or all the way across [diameter]). And you could then now blasting everyone with... is that Engelbert Humperdinck? Really? All ago... from me... no, I’m afraid I can’t jump off the surface into the mysterious Third Dimension, making things like cubes and spheres. his records, huh? Wow. come over there to help. Aren’t there It was a beautiful system – but what genius created it, and what was it

Oh good! I see two more people any teenagers in your neighborhood?” good for? Credit is usually given to a semi-mythical ancient Greek named have connected. Actually, one person Euclid, who wrote a book called “Elements,” which apparently was so good and what looks like a bear?... Oh, it’s that it was used in schools almost up to our own time. The Greek connection you Irving. Could you please, ah, put explains the use of many Greek terms like “isosceles,” “ellipse” and “hypota shirt on? Or shave your chest? Thank Well, we are still a few minutes from enuse,” which you hardly ever come across outside of Geometry. you. starting, but I guess I could introduce Speaking of hypotenuse, there were of course many other magnificent

Nice to see a few smiling faces... our special guest today, whose subject minds involved in this whole process, and one of them, Pythagoras, is Oops, please lower your screen, Zelda. is “How to make some quick money in responsible for a theorem in which that word occurs, and which may be the All we can see is your forehead and today’s real estate market.” Please welonly tit-bit many of us remember from our encounter with geometry. what looks like a chandelier from the come Tom Schemer who is Zooming This famous theorem has to do with triangles – but only with one special 1940s. The Botox injection sites on your all the way from... is that a jail cell? No, kind of triangle – the kind in which one corner is perfectly “square” that is, forehead are clearing up nicely though. the lighting is fine, but the stripes on it has an angle called a “right” angle. Angles are measured in degrees, out of And, Ralphie, you are sitting a little too your shirt are causing a bit of a flicker. a possible total of 360. (The fact that this is so similar to the number of days close and you have something in your Oh sure, mistaken identity happens all in a year must be more than co-incidental.) And a right angle is a quarter of nose. the time. Not to worry. We are a little that, or 90 degrees.

Yes William? No. You do not need behind though Tom, please don’t go In this theorem, the hypotenuse is the line of the triangle facing the to show me the invite. Please do not anywhere. Oh, ah, sorry. 90-degree corner. And what makes this all so important and useful is that, hit the “share screen” button! Shoot. Great, here are a few more attendees. if you know the length of any two sides, you can calculate the length of the Too late. Wow, you have a lot of stuff Wait? Who are you two? No. Sorry. third side. This is the basis of that whole wonderful system called “trianguopen. Yes, we can all see your desktop, This is not the “Yoga in your chair” lation” which surveyors are still using to measure the earth. William. Or should I call you by your Zoom class. Goodbye. The whole idea is based on making the sides of the triangle into squares, Match.com name, Big Willie? Excuse me. Someone is at the front and showing that the two smaller squares, when added together, have the

We’ll be starting in just a few mindoor. Stan. What a surprise. I’m really same area as the large one i.e. the square of the hypotenuse. This seems senutes, I hope. Whoops, another call... not supposed to let anyone in to my sible – but Pythagoras was able to prove it. And what also made geometry Hello again Stan... What? You asked house. You know, social distancing and fascinating to me was that, starting with what you know, you could logically some guy in an unmarked van who all. I see you have a mask. Yes, I see prove, in a series of steps, something you didn’t know. When you get to that was driving slowly through your that it says Calvin Klein. I think I can conclusion, in a geometrical theorem, you are traditionally entitled to write, neighborhood to come in and help guess what you made it out of. Please “Q.E.D.” This stands for the Latin, “Quod Erat Demonstrandum,” meaning you and he stole your computer? So sit as far away as possible and no I “Which was to be proven.” But at school, we were jokingly told that it stood sorry. Maybe you can connect on your don’t really want any Blazing Hot Pork for “Quite Easily Done.” We were also told – and I don’t know how much phone? Oh, it’s a landline? Shaped like Rinds. Or beer. I have a meeting to contruth there was in this – that, in their training, police detectives had to study a banana? No, I don’t know why the duct... Ah dang. geometry, because it provided good exercise in logical thinking. thief didn’t steal that, too. Just lucky, Sorry folks. Apparently, Tom In any case, it was this same scrap of knowledge which Gilbert and I guess. You should probably take a Schemer has been taken away for his Sullivan included in one of their most famous songs, “I Am the Very Model moment and call the police, though. arraignment. Guess we’ll have to do of a Modern Major General,” (from The Pirates of Penzance). In this aria, Major No. Please do not come over to my this another time. General Stanley boasts of the wide range of his knowledge in all matters house to Zoom with me. What’s that Stan? Oh, it’s down the (except military ones). And among his intellectual accomplishments, he

Here are a few more people. Welcome hallway, second door on the left. Let proclaims that: Reggie. First contact with another yourself out afterward willya? I’m human this month? I’m flattered. For going to lay down for a while. A long “About binomial theorems I am teeming with a lot o’ news, next month, though, you may want to while. •MJ With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.” •MJ 11 – 18 June 2020 • The Voice of the Village • MONTECITO JOURNAL 23

Hi Lucille. What? No, we really don’t need to meet all your cats... Okay, everyone say hello to Figaro. And Simba. And Tigger. And Ambrose. And Watch My Line “The square on the hypotenuse of a right-angled triangle is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides.” – Pythagoras ly, not everyone is as... ah... technically astute... which can make it... challenging. Mittens. Are those Mittens’ kittens? Yes, we all think it’s great that you are using organic kitty litter. Might want to A t the equivalent of High School which I attended in London, we all had to take basic Mathematics, consisting of Arithmetic, Algebra, and Geometry. I could do them all, and more or less understand