With a Little Help From My Friends

WOMEN OF COLOR

LEAVE LEADERSHIP

ROLES MOST OFTEN

BECAUSE OF FEELINGS OF ISOLATION. THIS DIRECTOR OF GERARD’S HOUSE FOUND AN ANSWER.

NICOLE MAES-GONZALES’S early life was impacted by the death of her father, her mother, and her brother. As she says, “when you live in poverty and are a person of color, grief is a part of your life.” Which is why Nicole runs Gerard’s House, a Santa Fe nonprofit that provides grief support to children and adults.

Under her leadership, Gerard’s House recently received a 2022 Piñon Award from the Santa Fe Community Foundation, signifying nonprofit excellence. Yet, like many women of color, she found that the experience of running a nonprofit can be isolating. Nicole sought support through the Foundation’s Learning Hub, an educational space for nonprofit board and staff members. The Hub hosts dozens of workshops, classes, and learning circles each year through engaging programs like its New Mexico Women of Color Nonprofit Leadership Initiative, which Nicole joined. As she says, “I learned a lot, but I also made friends for a lifetime.”

How did you get involved with the Learning Hub?

When I was new to the nonprofit sector, I actively sought learning opportunities. I still do. I see the Santa Fe Community Foundation as a gathering place to grow skills as an Executive Director and learn about new funding opportunities. I’ve participated in their Learning Hub’s panel discussions, learning circles, and fundraising workshops — all are a great source of collective learning.

What’s the Women of Color Nonprofit Leadership Initiative program like?

It’s comprised of over 50 women of color who are leaders; it provides a space for these women to connect with one another. Working in the nonprofit space can be a little isolating, and this program enables women of color to learn together through classes, working groups, speaker series, and personal reflections.

The working groups were especially powerful for me. We divided into cohorts – smaller groups of women who sat together and focused on clarifying their goals, enhancing one another’s skills, and even learning strategies for self-care. Enhanced mentorship in the practice of professional development skill sets is also available.

My cohort was about 15 women. I still talk to my cohort members regularly – for support or just to run stuff by them. We became close during those workshops together, and these relationships? I see them lasting a lifetime.

I’m sure it’s hard to carve out time to do that, but it sounds incredibly valuable.

Building these connections and developing these skills was very healing. And I grew a lot. It’s just incredibly therapeutic to connect with other professional women of color – to share and validate the struggles that we face.

You’re the executive director of Gerard’s House?

Yes. I started volunteering there in 1997 and joined the staff around six years ago. Like many of our participants, I had lots of childhood grief, so I kept getting more and more involved. Being here has kind of turned my pain into purpose and healing.

I’ve had loss throughout my life. The first was my father, who died when I was four. My only brother died when I was 19, and then my mom died when I was in my 20s.

Fortunately, when my mom died, I had the resources to seek counseling and grief support. But not having that as a child has really fueled my work here today.

In New Mexico, one in nine kids will grieve the death of a parent or a sibling before they’re 18. That’s second in the nation. I want to make sure those grieving kids are getting support.

Does the work ever get depressing?

Actually, for me, it’s really healing. I get to see kids heal. I get to see them build healthy grieving foundations that will last a lifetime; it has a ripple effect with them and their families.

I’ve noticed that since I’ve been here, I’ve been healing in community. It helps to talk about my story, just like I am to you today. I do that with lots of our families as well as my coworkers. There’s a huge stigma around seeking grief support in communities of color, so it’s powerful to talk about it.

We’re a children’s grieving center; however, we support anyone in our community who’s grieving. We provide support for homeless youth, assistance to teen parents and their children, and suicide prevention. This is peer support, so it’s really people getting together, talking, and supporting one another.

Building community seems incredibly important to you

Yes. At Gerard’s House, we’ve seen the benefit of customizing grief support to meet community need. We’ve learned how it fosters close relationships where our participants feel seen. I’ve also experienced first-hand the benefit of this approach at the Santa Fe Community Foundation. Women of color need spaces where we can simply be — and the Foundation’s Learning Hub provides a space. It’s meaningful to connect, clarify goals, enhance our skills, share knowledge, and form stronger relationships with our collaborative partners.

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