The Brick Magazine April 2019 by The Brick Magazine Ann Arbor

BRICK

THE

APRIL 2019

MAGAZINE

TURNING EXERCISE INTO A GIFT TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE THE COURAGE TO SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY

PLUS! SPRING/SUMMER RUNWAY WHAT TO SPOT THIS SEASON

Felicia Brabec

FROM LOSS TO GREATER LIFE

ANN ARBOR

Specializing in Brick Restoration and Design

Reanimation Landscapes

Reanimation Landscapes, LLc. Serving Ann Arbor and Surrounding area Insured | 734.546.3327

R E F L E C T YO U R L I F E ST Y L E . Birch Design Associates specializes in residential and commercial interiors. www.birchdesignassociates.com

THE

BRICK MAGAZINE

CONTENTS

APRIL 2019

Publisher • Sarah Whitsett

Assistant to the Publisher • Tanja MacKenzie

Art Director • Jennifer Knutson

Copy Editor • Angelina Bielby

Marketing Director • Steve DeBruler

Not Sure How to Get to Where You Want to Go? Try a Turnaround

From Loss to Greater Life with Felicia Brabec

Turning Exercise into a Gift

Spring/Summer ‘19 Runway: What to Spot this Season

Split-Second Worldshift

The Courage to See Things Differently Perspectives, Possibility, and Potential

Turnaround Ramen

Welcome to Booze 101 with Liz The Old-Fashioned Moment

Time Is of the Essence

What if it’s Better to Receive than to Give?

Life’s Ever-Changing Cycles

Turn Back Time

Woman on the Street Church in the Bean Aisle

Turn Around and Embrace the Golden Possibility that Is You!

Online Creative • Bridget Baker Cover Photographer • Heidi McClelland

Contributors >>

Bridget Baker Gail Barker, B.A., C.P.C.C. Liz Crowe Morella Devost Kristen Domingue

Tiffany Edison Jillian Fraioli Heather Glidden Juna Guetter

Angela Harrison Marilyn Pellini Lisa Profera Stephanie Saline Maria Sylvester

The Brick Magazine, LLC 734.221.5767 Email: office@thebrickmagazine.com Visit us on the web at thebrickmagazine.com

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THE BRICK MAGAZINE makes every effort to provide accurate information in advertising, editorial content and placement; however, we cannot make any claims as to the accuracy of information provided by advertisers or editorial contributors and will accept no responsibility or liability for inaccurate information or placement. No content can be duplicated without the permission of The Brick Magazine, LLC

6 | The Brick Magazine

Not Sure How to get to Where You Want to Go? Try a Turnaround!

by Bridget Baker

Photo by vincent-foret

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o you have a dream — big or small — but you don’t know where to start? Are you inspired to create something that makes a lasting impact in the world, but you can’t imagine how you’d get there from where you stand now? When you plan a trip, you think of where you want to go first. You don’t concern yourself with how you’ll get there, you just pick a place, and then work backward to iron out the details. Plane or train? Hotel or yurt? Step by step, your plan begins to take shape. What if you could apply the same logic you apply to travel to your goals and aspirations? It might seem more simple. You wouldn’t get mired in thoughts like “But what if I fail?” or “I’m not qualified to do THAT, they’ll find me out for sure.” Your focus becomes the excitement, the trip, and all of the fun things you’ll get to do. Now, take a moment to see where you are. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes if it helps. Think about what your life looks like now — where you are living, what you are doing, who you are doing it with. Like it or not, you are in this very place because of one important person in your life — you. Congratulations! You got yourself here. The good news is, if you don’t like it, you can also get yourself somewhere new. Think about the ideas, the research, the conversations, and the actions it took to bring you to where you are in this moment. By making a turnaround, you can see where you’ve been and how much you’ve grown or accomplished since you started. Pull out photo albums or scroll through your social media posts to see where you were a year ago, or especially five years ago. Back then, did you think you’d be where you are now, accomplishing all that you have? Did you experience trauma or a loss that made you grow and mature? The first step in any journey is to choose where to go. Don’t focus on the “hows” just yet, stay focused on the where. Dream as big as possible. Don’t let money, time, or any other responsibilities or demands get in the way. Just stay in the dream for a bit here.

Feeling like it’s hard to imagine something outside of where you are now? There may be too much of your past cluttering up your dreaming process. Go through a decluttering — a purging — first of anything that you don’t need, want, use, or love. What are you holding onto that may be holding you back? When you take the time to turn around, do you find yourself getting stuck looking back at the past? Be aware of where you’re getting stuck. There may be some unfinished business you need to resolve there. What if you’re in a transition — empty-nesting, moving, retiring, divorcing — and you have no idea where you want to go next? Your past may have gotten you here, and it was fantastic, but now it’s time for something new, and you’re feeling challenged to dream bigger. Again, take a breath, and make a turnaround. What dream did you give up somewhere along the way to creating your life? It may be time to renew that idea and stir up an old idea or passion. What part of yourself got left behind at some point that is ready to come to the surface? Another way to use the turnaround is as a gratitude practice. Think of something you experienced in the past that was difficult, and then think of how you were able to come through it. Who was there to support you? What did you learn? Say a big “thank you” to what you’ve accomplished. Let it really sink in. Allow this practice to build your confidence in who you are, what you have created, and what you can handle. You are stronger than you think. When you are working on a goal, it can be easy to get mired in the doing of it and feel tired, frustrated, or like you’re not getting anywhere, or at least not fast enough. Take a breath, look back, turn around, and see how far you’ve truly come. Bridget Baker branding consultant and website designer online creative for the brick magazine productivity hacker | digital nomad freelance blogger | minimalist adventurer speaker bridgetbakermojo.com | travellightlife.com my mission: be clear. be simple. be you!

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Photo by Heidi McClelland

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From Loss to Greater Life with Felicia Brabec by Kristen Domingue

Felicia Brabec’s inspiring life has its roots in being conscious and awake quite early in life to others’ pain and suffering. For those familiar with the deep empathy that calls us to service and holds the hands of our integrity to the fire when it comes to doing all you can to help, you’ll recognize familiar themes and find a comrade in arms in Felicia. What most inspired us about Felicia’s story is the way it takes into account the shaping influence of our childhood experiences. Too often we assume children and teens are “too young” to remember trauma, or we leave it to their youthful resilience to help them “get over it.” When really, they need as much support as we can give them to move forward -- just as adults do. In realizing that, Felicia became the change she wanted to see in the world.

n fourth grade, I had a friend whose parents were going through a divorce. And, in my fourth-grade mind, she seemed sad and I wanted to help her. So, I took the money I made from recycling aluminum cans, rode my bike to the local drug store, and used all of that money to buy candy for her. I remember giving that candy to her and seeing her smile. I remember two things from that experience in particular: she smiled when I gave it to her and this meant she got to

have a break from her sadness. I also remember keeping this a secret from my parents. Several days later, my mom asked me why I used my money to buy candy for my friend. I thought my mom would think I wasted my money and give me a punishment. However, none came. In conversations about this with my mom as an adult, she has commented, “your focus was exactly where it needed to be. You were caring for a friend who needed support. Supporting actions like this is how parents raise kind, loving people.”

April 2019 | 11

Photo by Heidi McClelland

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Seeing people, recognizing their pain, and doing what I can to relieve some of it feels like air to me.

Honoring my past and changing the future for the better During my first year of high school, I experienced one of my first significant losses. When a teenager dies, it’s always sad, but this was my best friend. The next several years were horrible as the loss was devastating for me. I was good at masking things with everyone except my parents. Eventually, they took me to see a therapist, who fairly quickly told my parents that I was fine because I didn’t tell her anything. Looking back, I can see I didn’t share much with the therapist at the time because I wasn’t comfortable with her and she was easy to trick. I remember thinking the fact that she actually thought that I was okay (because I told her that) when my best friend just died was astounding. I don’t remember her really probing or questioning if I was actually okay. I couldn’t believe that with all of her training she would just take my word and miss that there might be more going on under the surface. This added insult to injury, as they say -- I had lost my friend and now I was frustrated with the therapist who didn’t help and should have known how. In hindsight, I remember thinking teens need a place to talk to someone with whom they feel comfortable. My best friend dying was probably the first pivotal moment in my life; my struggle to heal from her death had a huge impact on me. I would say I didn’t really begin to deal with it until I was a freshman in college. Living and working through that pain is the reason I work with adolescents and young adults now. I want to help others during that developmental time. I know how crucial this can be. Now, I know to ask, how to probe, and how to patiently wait until a teen is willing to open up to me. I know how to let them know that whatever they’re feeling, they don’t have to feel it alone. During college, I double majored in sociology and anthropology then moved on to complete a masters in social work. College also brought a turning point in my relationship to public service. I’d always participated in student government, but found I needed to choose between student government and basketball my freshman year. The coach informed me that I would make the team

if I tried out, and while I loved basketball, in the end, I wanted to participate in my community I was really just starting to explore and chose student government. During my doctoral program, I again participated in student government. Giving back to my local community allowed me to help in a different way. After graduation, I worked as a social worker and coach at a public high school in my hometown. I loved it. The students were amazing! The teachers were dedicated and, I got to work alongside my favorite teacher, my mom.

The balance between service and self-care: I don’t do it alone Keeping balanced is extraordinarily hard. I’m a type A person who wants to give my all to the people in my life and the work I do. Our family, my husband, and our two kids are the center of my world. For years, I was a stay-at-home mom with a part-time job. It was the perfect balance for our family. However, as our kids grew older, I wanted to be challenged in different ways so I added more hours to my clinical work and eventually added public service. Fast forward to September 2011, I received a call from the County Commissioner for our district. She explained her plan to retire as County Commissioner to pursue a career change. After speaking with her and my husband, I decided to try a career in public service. I applied, was interviewed, and was voted into office in October 2011. For the past 8 years, I’ve had the honor of serving the residents of our community. It is a job that I love and take very seriously. Although the job is supposed to be part-time; it isn’t. To do the job right and to do right by the residents who vote for us, this is at least a full-time job; often more. Every election, I am humbled that the residents allow me to continue to serve them. The policy decisions that we grapple with have serious and direct implications for our residents. I am both passionate and dedicated to this work. Staying balanced now is a constant struggle for me. I don’t get much sleep. I try to give my all to our family, my clinical work, and public service. I often fall short.

April 2019 | 13

Photo by Heidi McClelland

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In the public service arena, I’m proud of the advocacy I’ve done for others -- whether it was to help county employees get 10-year labor contracts, or advocacy at the state level for community mental health support, or advocating for the County’s non-discrimination policy to include gender expression. However, the piece of work that I am most proud of as a public servant is the Racial Equity work that we’re doing at the county. It is the culmination of about 6 years of work by what began as a small group of dedicated people to a growing critical mass of County staff and administration, elected officials, and community members. Breathing life into this policy ensures that this work and the reality of many in our community cannot be ignored. There are inequities in our county that we must face, address, and make right.

Photo by Heidi McClelland

When I focus on one area, there can be push back or disappointment in another. At all times, I try to do my best and prioritize what’s on my plate. It is far from perfect, but I try my hardest! Finally, meeting my husband, Dave, has had a tremendous impact on me. When I arrived in Ann Arbor, I knew no one. I met him a couple of months after moving here. He continues to push me to be the best person I can be. We love raising our children here. This community reflects many of the values that we live by and do our best to instill in our children. Those values include love, care for one another, empathy, inclusivity, justice, and giving back to our community. Having a supportive husband who understands what gives me purpose is a vital part of what makes our lives together work. His support and understanding when public service demands much of my time allows for our family to be balanced. And, when I am giving too much of myself in another area, he is the grounding force to pull me back.

To further this work in a more wide-reaching capacity, I’m planning to run for the 55th district of the Michigan House of Representatives. Finally, I am both proud and grateful for, humbled by, my family. I get to live life with an amazing partner who understands me and supports me even when I am difficult and challenging. Dave is talented, bright, dedicated and compassionate. Together, we’re raising two remarkable children who are funny, passionate, gregarious, serious, and empathic. We hope they’ll grow to give back to their communities as well. What greater joy could there be?

Felicia Brabec’s story is one of courage and personal integrity. With each step forward, Felicia followed her calling to serve, lead, and leave the world a better place for everyone around her. We’d even go so far as to say that Felicia is the type of person who leaves people better than she found them—a true testament to the immense capacity we all have to love. We hope that as you encounter more young people who’ve experienced the trauma of a loss or any type of trauma, you’re inspired to deeply uncover what they need, just as she has been.

Honoring myself, my family and the work I am proud of the work I get to do with my clients. As we work together, I am astounded and grateful that they allow me to walk part of their journey with them. I am amazed by their resiliency and vulnerability.

Kristen M. Domingue is a copywriter and content marketing consultant in the New York City area. When she’s not delivering on client projects, you can find her cooking up something gluten-free or in an internet rabbit hole on entrepreneurship or astrology.

April 2019 | 15

Turning Exercise Into a Gift

Photo by Bruce Mars

by Heather Glidden

oday let’s talk about what motivates you to exercise. Why do you exercise? Do you exercise enough? Does exercise feel like a delightful activity or a heavy obligation? If exercise is something that you struggle with, let’s look at how we can turn that around for you today. When new clients come to see me, the most common reasons they give are that they want to lose weight, they know they should be moving more for their health, and they want a more toned appearance. They often tell me that they expect exercise to be painful and hard, and that they know they need to endure this in order to get results. However, the reality is that although these beliefs seem pervasive, I’ve never seen any of them serve my clients to make a sustainable commitment to exercise and fitness.

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The research on exercise motivation bears this out. It actually shows that reasons like wanting to lose weight or improve our health are not sufficiently motivating to keep most people moving. In her book, No Sweat: How the Simple Science of Motivation Can Bring You a Lifetime of Fitness, Dr. Michelle Segar says, “My colleagues and I found that 75% of participants [in one study] cited weight loss or better health (current or future) as their top reasons for exercising; the other 25% exercised in order to enhance the quality of their daily lives (such as to create a sense of well-being or feel centered). Then we measured the amount of time they actually spent exercising over the course of a year. The answer may seem counterintuitive, but it’s true: The vast majority of the participants whose goals were weight loss and better health spent the least amount of time exercising — up to 32% less than those with other goals.”

So what’s a gal to do when the benefits of exercise are clear, but all the reasons that we are taught to want it are clearly not sufficient to help us build sustainable healthy habits? First, it’s important to understand how you currently view exercise. What is your history with exercise? Have you tried to start an exercise program in the past and failed? Have you set goals that you weren’t able to achieve? Has exercise felt bad to you when you tried to do it? Dr. Segar says, “Every failure at sticking to a workout program, and every bad experience you have with exercise, reinforces the way you view exercise and keeps you at war with your body.” Oof — that sounds grim. But there is good news, and the good news is what she calls the transformation from chore to gift. If exercise currently feels like a chore or something you feel like you should do (rather than something you feel like you want to do), when did that start for you? What if exercise were instead allowed to feel good, fun even? How would that change your relationship to it? How much easier do you think it would be to succeed if you regarded exercise as a gift? This transformation from chore to gift is the turnaround in how you view exercise. She says, “Would you rather do something because someone in authority tells you that you have to do it or else? Or because you are curious about the idea and motivated to try it out?” According to Dr. Segar, a review of the research shows that the second motivation consistently leads to more sustainable behavior change. And this is what I help my clients to find through their movement as well. We always start with looking for the movements that feel good in their bodies. Even if we don’t get a lot done in the first session, but my client leaves feeling better than they walked in, then I know we’ll be able to build on that. And this is the essence of how you, too, can turn the chore of exercise into a gift. Dr. Segar offers us another pearl, which is the knowledge that, as she says, everything counts. She explains that official recommendations used to indicate that we need to exercise for at least ten minutes consecutively in order for it to count, but newer findings show that that all movement is beneficial to our health and can count toward our exercise goals. One particular study published by Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer in 2007 shows that even our mindset about exercise can determine its efficacy. In this study, she looked at a group of hotel maids who were asked about their exercise habits. Although their work was highly active, Langer was surprised to

discover that many of them did not view their work as exercise. Even more surprisingly, although all of the women in her study far exceeded the U.S. surgeon general’s recommendation for daily exercise, the bodies of the women did not seem to benefit from their activity. All of the indicators for health (body fat, blood pressure, etc.) matched the maids’ perceived amount of exercise, rather than their actual amount of exercise. In the study, Langer divided the maids into two groups, and explained to one group that the work they did actually counted as exercise. She told this group how many calories they burned doing their work and that the activity they were already doing met the surgeon general’s definition of an active lifestyle. The other group was given no information. One month later Langer returned and once again measured the fitness of both groups. Participants in the group that had been educated had lost weight, had decreased their waist-to-hip ratio, and had a 10% drop in blood pressure. Langer found no indication that the maids had altered their routine in any way and concluded that the difference was due to their change in mindset. So, if we take all of this information together — that 1) changing exercise from a chore to a gift will give you more sustainable motivation, 2) everything counts, and 3) your mindset matters for your results — we can start to get a clear picture of how you can turn around your own relationship with exercise. Rather than approaching it as a heavy obligation, start thinking about what you can do that might feel light and fun in your body. Do you enjoy taking a mid-day walk? Dancing to your favorite song? Doing a little calm yoga to clear your mind at the end of the day? It all counts, and it will all help to improve your health. The big message here is that movement does have lasting health benefits, but you won’t enjoy those benefits if you aren’t moving. And as it turns out, the best way to get moving is to find movement that feels good and is enjoyable for you to do! So if you’ve struggled with exercise in the past, I invite you to play with this turn-around and ask yourself, what would it feel like to give movement to myself as a gift? Let yourself start small. You might be surprised by where it can take you!

Heather Glidden is the co-owner of JOY, a mind-body movement studio in downtown Ann Arbor. With 15 years of experience as a healing movement specialist, body worker, and integrative life coach, she helps her clients recover from pain and injuries and achieve radiant health. The mission of her studio is to bring more joy to the world by helping people feel great in their bodies. joyannarbor.com/ www.facebook.com/joyfreedominmotion

April 2019 | 17

Spring/Summer â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;19 Runway: What to Spot this Season

by Angela Harrison Photo by Edwin Andrade 18 | The Brick Magazine

pring is finally here! Time to lighten the layers, punch up the colors, and shake off our heavy winter wardrobe. With a new season comes new opportunities to stock up on the latest fashions. The spring/summer fashion shows debuted in February, so we’ll begin to see these trends trickle down to department stores soon. What’s in store for us this season? Let’s take a look at what fabulous themes, colors, textures, and prints we can expect to see plucked from the runway, and translated into pieces we’ll be wearing all spring and summer.

Frillin’ Fancy Ruffles are officially here to stay. We’re all very familiar with the ruffled sleeves we’ve been seeing on tops and dresses these past seasons, and while they haven’t gone away, they have been reimagined. This spring and summer we’ll being seeing tiered ruffles and frills applied to all types of pieces — tops, dresses, pants, jackets, you name it. There’s a strong theme of doll-like frilly lace and colors, making casual dresses more transitional from day-to-night and bringing and element of whimsy to evening wear. This kind of style can add a subtle touch of femininity to denim jackets or cool cocktail dresses.

Birds of a Feather Goodbye fringe, hello feathers! Feathers were a new feature in the runway shows, being shown on coat cuffs and hems, layered in tiers down an A-line tank, and flouncing off jacket lapels. This kind of intricate work will make its way to to higher-end garments, and for everyday shopping, the trend will translate to fun clutch bags, hair accessories, and some cocktail/ evening attire.

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Shell Yeah

Trend Colors

Another trend gracing the runways for spring/ summer is the use of shells and nautical netting. Puka shell earrings and necklaces are already making their way to department store brands, while others are interpreting this trend through gilded seashells and starfish accessories. Open-knit ponchos, replicating a fisherman’s net, were worn over tank dresses, paired with beachy sneakers. Some of these layering pieces even had shells sewn into them, along with little gold hoops and beads, looking like some sort of mermaidpirate-princess. Nautical themes are always a timeless classic for summer, with blue and white stripes or chain prints, so we’ll be seeing our usual faves in stores along with these reimagined sea-worthy trends.

One of the easiest ways to stay on-trend season-toseason is through color. The palettes for this season are full of fun color and bold hues, broken up by monochromatic looks of beige layers and cream layers. The palette will be more on the warmer side of the color wheel, showcasing fuchsia pinks, orangey pinks like coral, ruby, warm orange, and yellow-green. We’ll be seeing strong moments of yellows: gold, mustard, sunny yellow, and orangey yellow. The cool notes will be shown in royal blues and olive greens, while the new “white jean” look will be more about beige this season. Beige and cream are the new desired summer colors. Creating head-to-toe looks in these ranges sounds boring and simple, but actually translates into a gorgeous resort look. While white jeans will always be a staple of summer, cream tends to lend itself to a more sophisticated and elevated look — softer in color, not so severe.

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Prints

‘90s Hippie

Who doesn’t love a good print during the summer season? After color always comes a gorgeous, colorful, exciting print. Trends from the runway showcased intense florals. We’re not talking a pastel garden party here. We’re talking punchy colors from this season’s palette, transformed into life-like floral prints. So much color, paired with trend ruffles, creates the most incredible vision of volume and movement. Polka dots also had their moment on the runway, which to me, is a summer classic. Traditional small polka dots always give off this European feel when paired with a flowing blouse or chiffon sundress. Easy elegance and always ready to be dressed up or down, can’t go wrong with polka dots.

The ‘90s trends are still being recreated on the runways, now in the realm of hippie/surfer/West Coast chic. Designers sent cropped tie-dye shirts paired with shorts down the runway, finished off with oversized acid washed fanny packs. The ‘90s look we’ve been seeing since last year has felt more in the grunge or pop-star look, ranging from oversized plaid shirts tied around waists and black jeans and boots to cropped high-square neck tanks, space buns, and platform sneakers. This reinterpretation of the decade has shifted to the west, showcasing a beachy surfer look of bike shorts, oversized cropped sweatshirts, tank tops with high-waisted jean shorts, topped with fanny packs. Really, all that’s missing are the roller blades. These looks are easy to replicate for department store brands, so we’ll be seeing these trends popping up all summer.

Scarf prints are carrying over from this winter to summer through shirt dresses and blouses. These prints were made popular in pop culture by Versace in the ‘90s, with their extravagant silk scarf shirts. Since the resurgence of ‘90s trends over the past year or so, we’re seeing more and more of these classic favorites reimagined for today’s runways. Lace and mesh fabrics were used creatively through patchwork and layering. Replacing the cut-out trend, we’re now seeing dresses with lace and swiss dot lace creating peek-a-boo moments on dresses and blouses, adding a vintage feel to modern silhouettes.

This spring/summer season is sure to be full of color, texture, and a nod to nostalgia. There are so many ways to make these trends work for our individual style, and the easiest is color. Add pieces to your wardrobe that feel like you, but may veer from your usual color palette. Feel empowered in an incredible coral jacket with frilled cuffs, or be the ultimate in chic, effortless style with a cream blouse and cream trousers. We can always be on-trend without feeling “trendy,” and really, that’s the true goal. Have fun with your clothes this season, and try something new; you never know what’s going to give you that boost of feeling fab! *All photos belong to HarpersBazaar.com

Angie Harrison received a BS degree in fashion merchandising from Western Michigan University, and after merchandising for a large retailer, went on to start Angela Harrison Style: a personal, print, and film wardrobe styling service. Her experience has led her to build a loyal client list of people from all backgrounds and professions. Angie has also worked in wardrobe on local and national tv commercials and has started a visual merchandising branch of AHStyle, providing styling and merchandising expertise to Michigan retailers. www.AngelaHarrisonStyle.com • Instagram: @_ahstyle • Facebook: www.facebook.com/AngelaHarrisonStyle

April 2019 | 21

Split-Second Worldshift

by Morella Devost, EdM, MA

22 | The Brick Magazine

n a gorgeous Friday afternoon in August of 2012, I asked myself a question that turned my world around in a split second. It opened the doors to an overnight miracle like I’d never experienced before and changed me forever.

And then, sometime in June, George floated an idea that sounded brilliant at the time. Since we were both looking for a place to live, how about we look for a big house and find some like-minded roommates to start a conscious community?

It has the power to do the same for you.

I loved it! I loved the idea of not being on my own. I loved George’s kids and thought it’d be fun to share a home. My friend Gardner was also looking for a place to share and he was a perfect match for our green-living, organicgardening, meal-sharing, “conscious community” home. So, why not?!

Between the spring and summer of 2012, I found myself in renters’ limbo. I was out of my previous home and needed to find a new one. While I searched, my stuff went into storage, and I moved in with my dad and stepmom. They were up for the summer at their beautiful condo on Lake Champlain. Trouble was, I had a hard deadline: I needed to move out by August 31st because the condo was going into major renovations. The folks would be going back home to Venezuela and I had to vacate before the massive construction project started. I was determined to secure an apartment early in the summer so as to avoid competing with the back-toschool crowd. The University of Vermont student body represents 26% of the total Burlington population. When they come and go has a big impact on our tiny city’s rental market. To make things a bit more interesting, during that spring I had also been casually dating George. When we met, George was recently separated from his wife. He was house-sitting for his neighbors while he and his exwife sorted out the minutiae of their divorce and shared custody of the kids. George and I had fun that spring. We went ice skating on our first date. We shared poetry and juicy conversation. We loved our rich philosophical and spiritual tête-à-têtes, as well as the coziness of our matching kind hearts. It was sweet. But as the spring rolled into the summer, it became pretty clear that George was not going to be my forever man. I wanted something different and he was cool with it too. George and I moved out of the dating zone and into the sometimes tricky friend zone. By then, I had also rekindled a steamy affair with an ex of my own, which was pretty exciting. So romantically speaking, George and I were done.

George started emailing me links to big houses for rent in Burlington. We wasted no time (because, you know, the students are coming) looking at them. We toured three homes and settled for one near Oakledge Park. The house had five bedrooms and three baths, was recently renovated, and it was close to the beach. It was perfect. I’d take the room on the main floor, George and the kids two rooms on the other story, Gardner room number four, and we just needed one more roommate. A CraigsList posting got us several roommate applications. George and I met with Brooke, a lovely acupuncturist who had just moved to Vermont. Gardner had a phone conversation with her, and we all agreed that Brooke was the perfect match. The train had left the station. We found our perfect house. We had our community living plan, and even our landlord was delightful. He kindly let us delay the lease-signing from mid-July, when we told him we wanted the house, into August so as to give us time to line up all roommates and not assume the burden of rent. And then it happened, Friday afternoon August 17th, 2012 at 5:00 pm. I was on my way home when George called. His voice was grave as he shared what was going on for him. Even though we were scheduled to sign the lease the following morning, George said he wasn’t feeling it. He’d changed his mind! I was beyond livid. “This was your flippin’ idea!” I yelled. He could not articulate why he had a change of heart. He just “wasn’t feeling it.” I told him it was his job to notify the

April 2019 | 23

in the market along with all the stragglers and disorganized students who failed to plan for September 1st.” I spoke with Gardner, who was still on board to be roomies if I found a two-bedroom place. He told me he was chill about it all and not to worry. Brooke was out too. She decided she wanted her own place. After hanging up with Gardner, I returned to Craigslist when all of a sudden, I heard myself think, “this is the WORST thing that could be happening!” By some divine power, I paused after hearing that negative thought and reflected, “huh… is it really the worst thing that could be happening?” What followed was the question that changed everything. The question that shifted my worldview in a split-second and altered me forever: “What if instead of thinking this is the worst thing that could be happening, what if it’s the BEST thing that could be happening?”

other roommates and the landlord that the plan was off. I sure as hell wasn’t going to sign a lease and scramble to find roommates to take his two vacant rooms. I got to my folks’ place in an anger tornado. I shared what George had just done. They were flabbergasted because I was running out of time. I had to be out of the house by September 1st. Here it was mid-August and my plans had just fallen through. I wasted no time in my fury. I pulled out my computer, sat at the kitchen table, and asked my dad to pour me a drink. I had to find a home on Craigslist, STAT. The pickings were slim and disheartening. Everything was overpriced and dingy.

There. What if this is the best thing that could be happening? That was the question. In an instant I realized perhaps it really wasn’t such a good idea to share a home with a former date, however casual. Perhaps community living might not have been the best for me. What if this was a huge blessing from the universe? I began to see all of the reasons why perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea after all. But more importantly, I opened up to the possibility that something extraordinary might be in store for me! In that moment, I closed my computer and grabbed my drink. I hollered out to my dad that I would be tagging along after all. I had lined up two CraigsList apartments to look at the next morning and I realized that stewing in my anger and self-righteousness was not going to get me a home any quicker. So off I went, drink in hand, across the shared lawn to the neighbors’.

Right then, in the midst of my angry searching, my dad came over to say they were headed over to the neighbors for ‘First Friday,’ the monthly condo happy-hour. “Want to come with us?” he sweetly asked. I declined.

At the gathering, neighbor Joyce asked, “so, how’s the apartment hunt going?” Sigh… I told her what was up. And then the miracle came: “Oh! I think Susan and her kids are moving out! You should go ask her!” she said. “When?!” I asked. Joyce replied, “I’m pretty sure she’s moving out for September 1st.”

I was on a mission and I was reeling. “How could George put me in this position?! I wasted so much time because of him! This was exactly what I’d wanted to avoid! Now I was

I couldn’t believe my ears. The Susan in question was a neighbor living two doors down from my dad’s place. I’d seen her in passing but never knew she was a renter,

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much less that she was planning on moving out. The thought that I could live right in the paradise of my teenage Lake Champlain summer vacations was too good to be true. I tried to contain my excitement, assuring myself that the landlord probably already had a plan, and that the rent might be outside my budget.

myself resisting the flow of life, I’ve asked the question: “what if this is the best thing?” This spring, I’m navigating the waters of separation and divorce. Whenever I slip into deep pain, I remind myself, “what if this is the best thing for both of us?” And just like that, I begin to sense the many blessings that are in store for us.

Still stunned by the synchronicity, first thing Saturday morning, I stopped by Susan’s. She was already packing and confirmed that she was moving within days. She further expanded my glee when she revealed that she hadn’t notified the landlord yet (this place wasn’t even listed!) and that her rent was a lot less rent than all the dingy Craigslist apartments!

As an important footnote, the instant I asked the question back in 2012, my anger towards George evaporated. I was no longer a victim of his decision. I became an eager witness for whatever magic was about to unfold. What allowed for the seemingly miraculous turn of events was my willingness to turn my point of view around, to open up to the possibility that this might be the best thing.

I couldn’t believe it. Within hours I’d gone from being livid with George for putting me in my worst-case housing scenario, to witnessing the very real possibility that in two weeks’ time I’d be moving into a home beyond my wildest dreams, paying less rent than anywhere else, and living two doors down from my folks, who I cherish.

I invite you to ask the question that will turn your point of view around. You will cease resisting whatever is happening and open up to welcome the blessings to come.

I’ve lived in this haven for six years and counting. I still pinch myself sometimes, and have taken countless pictures of my view of the lake and my strolls down to the beach. It’s been a blessing, and yet the greatest gift is that ever since that August weekend in 2012, whenever I’ve caught

I promise you they will come. Morella Devost facilitates profound transformation for people who want to thrive in health and life. She has master’s degrees in Counseling from Columbia University, and is also a Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP facilitator, and Holistic Health Coach. She is also the host of the Thrive With Morella show. thrivewithmorella.com • Facebook: ThriveWithMorella

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The Courage to See Things Differently:

Perspectives, Possibility, and Potential

by Gail Barker,

y introduction to the power of perspective happened about 18 years ago. I was just embarking on my journey to become a certified life coach. As we discussed ways to support clients when they’re feeling stuck, the topic of perspective came up. Up until that point, I understood in theory that people held different perspectives and that one’s personal perspectives provided unique vantage points on common areas of focus. In other words, two people could be looking at the exact same thing — image, landscape, person, object, whatever — from different vantage points (literally and metaphorically) and see very different things. What I learned is that when I’m feeling stuck, I can willingly and consciously SHIFT my perspective, thereby availing myself of so much possibility. Now, it’s one thing to learn about perspectives and the power they hold. And it’s a powerful thing to be able to support others in shifting their perspective in pursuit of fulfillment. It’s a whole other ball game to experience the liberation yourself — to notice that you are stuck in a perspective, recognize how that perspective is holding you back, and deliberately choose another way to approach a scenario. Fast forward to 2013. I had been coaching for well over a decade, and established a successful practice. I had started

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B.A., C.P.C.C. Photo by Anika Huizinga

working with more leaders, and knew that my coaching focus was shifting. And, in an unexpected twist, I was feeling desperately called to write. A voice inside was adamant that it was time to share my message in the form of a book. The challenge was that any time I took to write was time away from coaching, training, and facilitating — and as a self-employed professional, time away from my core work was time when I wasn’t earning income. So I was caught in a quandary. I needed to work, and I needed to write. One generated income while denying me the opportunity to honor a new calling; the other fed my creativity but cost my security. How exactly was I to make this work? The dilemma had me spinning my wheels, and then I wasn’t being productive in either realm. My writing wasn’t really happening, and I wasn’t working optimally. In the back of my mind, I knew what I needed to do: I needed to find additional employment. I needed a source of income that would allow me to write without feeling guilty about taking time away from my coaching. I needed a side-hustle, as it were. But my perspective was that finding additional employment was a way of selling out. Finding additional employment was simply another way of denying myself the opportunity to earn income from my coaching. That perspective kept me stuck for a LONG time — and my entire life constricted as a result.

Then, I talked with a friend — someone I trusted, who understood my concern, but didn’t judge me for it; someone who was able to gently invite me to find another way to look at the situation at hand. And my new perspective, the perspective that allowed me to move forward, was that having another source of income wasn’t a cop-out, but rather an opportunity. Finding the right fit for an additional income source would not only expand my income flow, it could provide me an outlet for untapped skills. It could introduce me to new people, which would take me out of isolation (an occupational hazard of working solo). The right additional source of income could actually enhance my coaching practice, rather than diminish it. With the power of this new perspective buoying me up, I quickly found a position at our local library. Very part-time, but it didn’t need to be more. It allowed me to be surrounded by books — a major source of inspiration for my writing. I was regularly interacting with new people in a non-coaching capacity, building relationships in a way that wasn’t possible from my home office. The irony of the whole thing was that when I was able to take my focus off of HOW to write without sacrificing my coaching practice, both areas of concern expanded. I was doing MORE formal coaching, not less. I was writing, without concern. Essentially, by allowing myself to see things differently, to find the opportunity within my challenge, my entire circumstance became “unstuck.” I was now enjoying the flow. So, what did I learn from my own personal experience of finding a new point of view? Shifting your perspective requires you to be courageous. This is not a moment to play small. You have to face your reality head-on, be really clear about what you’re wanting, admit the cost of what’s happening in your current space, and look and see what you may not want to see. A perspective shift is as good as a vacation, in terms of energizing your life. By definition, a new perspective infuses your life with a fresh approach. And a fresh approach is exciting. Sometimes, finding a new perspective is easiest when you enlist the support of an ally. The folks in your life who want you to succeed, but aren’t attached to how that looks, are a gift when it comes to seeing what you can’t yet see. Having said all of this, let me share a few tips for HOW to shift perspective:

When you’re feeling stuck in any way, MOVE your body. Getting up and physically moving is often enough to remove writer’s block, get ideas flowing, or find energy that is otherwise lacking. When I’m working away in my lovely office (and it is a lovely office, by design) it can be easy to develop a set of metaphorical blinders. By swiveling my chair, or turning my head (or lifting my head when I’m buried in a book!), or standing up, energy shifts, and stagnation dissipates. Sometimes, the opposite it true; experiencing a perspective shift is only possible if you STOP moving. In the hustle and bustle of this day and age, it can sometimes feel as though the world around you is spinning, and getting your bearings is elusive at best, impossible at worst. In those moments, stand still and let things around you settle down. As they do, you’ll gain clarity on what is happening, what’s needed, and how to move forward. The perspective found in stillness can be a powerful one. Perspective shifting requires you to be open and willing to entertain something different from what you know and are comfortable with. Consider the perspective of others. Don’t do this from a space of judgment or envy, but rather from a space of curiosity. What other approaches might exist that you simply haven’t considered? Once you’ve entertained a few possibilities, pick one and apply this new perspective to your circumstance. Bottom line: every one of us gets stuck from time to time. The place of “stuck-ness” can feel overwhelming, constricting, limiting, and denies you the opportunity to live with enthusiasm. When you’re stuck, finding a new perspective on whatever challenge you’re facing is often the best way to turn things around. When you find a new perspective, you find new possibilities. Gail Barker is a Certified Professional CoActive Coach. She specializes in supporting leaders to lead powerfully and meaningfully. Her company, Stellar Coaching & Consulting was established in 2013, and through that platform she has supported hundreds of leaders in elevating their leadership game. A few of the additional hats she wears professionally are author, speaker, and radio show host. Personally, she is deeply committed to her family, loves to read, and finds deep restoration when walking along the beach (even in the winter). Website: www.stellarcc.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/stellarcc Twitter: stellar7

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Turnaround Ramen by Jillian Fraioli Photo by Sheron Chen

worked for over two decades in professional kitchens and restaurants. There’s a phenomenon that you might not yet know about most chefs: when they’re in their own kitchen, they often don’t cook. Well, let’s look at that for a moment. They don’t cook much. They don’t cook fancy. They keep limited ingredients on hand. They know of every place in their town that delivers or serves food until 4:00am. And they eat there, often. In my experience, this is due to a few things: they’re at the restaurant too long, they’re too tired, they don’t have anyone else to cook for by the time the get off work (see: late nights), they’re just plain out of inspiration, or they don’t want to even look at another dirty dish. But on the flip side of this, it means that they all have that one thing in their repertoire that’s easy for them to whip up. Something in one pan, something fast. Grilled cheese. A perfect omelet. Popcorn. Quick mac-n-cheese (yep, sometimes from a box!). I used to make a batch of sautéed greens with garlic and onion once a week on my one day off. During the work week, I’d grab leftover bread stock from the restaurant. I’d pile buttered slices high with the cold greens and call it dinner (while sipping a glass of wine and watching Star Trek reruns).

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At one time, my house became the go-to for after-service liaisons. After moving from the kitchen to the front of the house, I tended to cook more often. By “cook more often,” I mean on the day I’d make greens, I’d also make a pot of rice. Maybe I’d make stock. I made sure I always had eggs on hand. After working for at least ten hours, we’d clamor up to my apartment in the dead of night (for most people, but not us), and I’d whip up a batch of eggy-rice and greens for the crew (while sipping glasses of wine and listening to Wilco). Since I cook a lot now — and I do mean a lot, like five-or-sixnights-a-week a lot — there are times I look at the fridge and groan. Everything in there has to be prepared. There are no “grab and go” items. But old habits die hard. I always have eggs. I always have greens (including frozen). And in my pantry these days, I always have instant ramen packets or packages of udon noodles. And I don’t hide that. I’m actually pretty proud of my turnaround ramen. And I’ll tell you what, if you have fresh stock and any of the ingredients below, instant ramen can be curative. This is all to assure you that dinner does not have to be “all from scratch” to be legit. That means knowing where to cut corners or what to have on hand so you can save yourself time in the kitchen in order to spend more of it with the fam.

Turnaround Ramen Serves 4

Ingredients: • 4 packages of instant ramen (I prefer Nissin Raoh or Koyo) • OR 1 full package of udon or soba noodles, cooked according to the package and tossed in 1 tsp of sesame oil • 8 cups of stock or water (2 packages = 4 cups) • 1 tsp olive oil • 1/2 onion, minced • 2 garlic cloves, sliced thin • 1 cup of protein leftovers: rotisserie chicken, pulled pork, meatballs, tofu

• Stove top: bring water (enough to cover the eggs) to a boil in a saucepan (just big enough to hold your eggs). Carefully submerge the eggs in the water with a ladle or mesh spoon. Reduce heat to a simmer (very low boil), and cook 7 minutes (seriously, be exact or you won’t get the custardy yolk). Immediately move cooked eggs into an ice bath. Let sit for 10 minutes before you peel and cut in half to serve.

Directions • Heat up your saucepan; when hot, add olive oil • Add minced onion and cook until translucent, 3 minutes • Add garlic until fragrant (about 60 seconds) • Deglaze with a splash of vinegar, beer, or wine

• 2 cups vegetables: quick cooking greens are my go-to, like spinach, bok choy, bean sprouts, mushrooms, romaine lettuce, or sauté some diced carrot, zucchini, broccoli, and/ or cauliflower in step 2 (between onion and garlic)

• Add your broth (or water) and half of the seasoning packets in the instant ramen pouch, and any condiments you’ve chosen

• OR 2 cups frozen vegetables: corn, peas, frozen greens, green beans.

• Add the noodles and cook for 3 minutes (if using udon or soba, do not add it here)

• Up to 6 tsp of condiments: soy sauce, sesame oil miso paste, Thai curry paste, fish sauce, vinegar, ponzu (my mix: 1 tsp fish sauce, 1 tsp sesame oil, 2 heaping tsp miso paste, 1 tsp soy sauce, 1 tsp rice wine vinegar)

• Add your frozen or quick cooking vegetables and cook for 2 minutes

• Bring to a boil

• Add protein to heat through for 2 minutes

• 1 tsp sugar

• If you’re doing egg drop, add your scrambled egg here (if using udon or soba noodles, this is where you add them, too!)

Additions:

• Add your lime or lemon juice and sugar, heat for 1 more minute

• 1/2 lime (or 1/4 lemon), juiced

• Fresh herbs: cilantro, parsley, mint, or basil — I like a combo of them all, if I have them. • Scrambled egg: take 2 eggs, 2 tsp of milk, and whisk lightly. Right before you serve the ramen, swirl the broth and then add the egg to the moving broth, making long ribbons. Ramen eggs: • Instant pot: use egg trivet, 1 cup of water, 4 minutes on manual, instant release, immediate ice bath.

• Separate into serving bowls • Top each bowl with a ramen egg, herbs, bean sprouts, and serve with lime or lemon wedges on the side, diced green onion, and more fresh herbs Note: If you have picky eaters, you can heat the vegetables, eggs, and protein separately, put those on a platter with the herbs and citrus and onion, and just have them build their own bowls. When I do that, I put everything in the middle of the table, and just let them have at their favorite things, keeping the broth steaming hot so everything gets heated through.

Jillian moonlights in her own kitchen as Executive Chef. She comes from a long line of at-home chefs, making Sunday sauce and homemade pasta as soon as she was knee-high with Grandma Fraioli. Jillian used to work at such illustrious restaurants such as Emeril’s Fish House in Las Vegas (where she was a Pastry Chef), and both in the front and back of the house of Serafina and Tango in Seattle. She ended her career in restaurants many lives ago, and now supports women-owned businesses. You can follow along with her cats and knitting (and sometimes food), if that’s your jam, on Instagram @yarnologie

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Welcome to Booze 101 with

Liz

The Old-Fashioned Moment by Liz Crowe

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y favorite mixed drink is a throwback. Or maybe it’s hipster. More likely, it’s in the midst of a revival. Actually, now that I think about it, it’s all of the above. It’s a bit of a phenomenon, this everything-old-isnew-again thing with alcohol. Case in point, I ate at one of the hot new-ish Detroit restaurants this weekend and was shocked to see that the beer at the top of the moderately-impressive beer list was Hamm’s. Hamm’s, for those of you who don’t know, has been around since 1865, originating in the Land of Sky Blue Waters, a.k.a. Minneapolis-St. Paul, and has been enjoying an impressive revival of its fortunes, thanks to expanded distribution (read: money). But Hamm’s isn’t the first oldtimey beer to become too cool for school. First it was PBR (Pabst Blue Ribbon). Even our beloved Stroh’s has appreciated a resurgence of interest (even though it’s not really Stroh’s, since it’s not brewed in Detroit anymore, but I digress). Some claim its newfound popularity is in direct response to the over-the-top hops trend in the beer world. Still others say it’s a price revolt. I will admit, even with my dyed-in-the-wool inside baseball perspective, $14.99 for a four-pack of cans, even if they’re sixteen ounces, seems a little…gutsy. Whatever it is, it has caused a serious surge in Beers Your Grandpa Loved being featured at the top of hipster craft cocktail bar beer lists. I mean, seriously. Hamm’s? At Grey Ghost? Let’s dive into this a bit. Since my favorite booze has been experiencing the sort of revival rarely seen outside of the entertainment industry’s penchant for reboots of crappy old TV shows, we’ll talk about it.

a combination of factors, Kentucky became home to a sweeter, somewhat smoother version of this traditional liquor. The state’s wide temperature swings — sweaty hot summers and chilly winters — are ideal as it allows the charred barrels to expand and contract throughout the aging process, which means the future bourbon is both absorbed and released, leading to a better tasting product. But even prior to that stage of the process, the water, which is low in iron thanks to the deposits of blue limestone underneath the majority of the commonwealth, has nearperfect levels of calcium and magnesium to create the amber liquor of choice for a lot of folks these days. The second ingredient, corn, is one of the state’s most successful crops. Rye was more plentiful in Maryland and Pennsylvania, but once the distillers made it over the Appalachians and discovered miles of cheap corn crops, cool, sweet water, and the perfect climate, booze history was changed forever. Popular mythology claims that a Baptist minister named Elijah Craig invented what we know as bourbon by storing his whiskey in some wooden barrels that were burned in a fire. It’s well accepted that while that is a pretty story, it’s not much more than that. However, if you know bourbon, you know that “Elijah Craig” is one of the old family names that grace many a bottle of said amber nectar. Some of the others — Blanton’s, Basil Haydon, Booker’s, Evan Williams, Jim Beam, Ripy, Van Winkle, to name just a few — are families that were among the first to distill, perfect, and age this sweeter version of traditional whiskey. These days, while Kentucky is home to the majority of the best bourbons in the world, almost every last drop of it is crafted by a handful of conglomerate distilleries. For example, some of the most popular commercial bourbons — Maker’s Mark, Baker’s, Booker’s, Basil Hayden, Knob Creek and Old Grand Dada — are brands owned by Jim Beam.

Bourbon. Stump water. Corn liquor. Ruckus juice. Bootleg. You name it. It’s everywhere. Once upon a time, it was the sole purview of my home state, a.k.a. Kentucky. Even now, over 90% of the world’s bourbon is made in Kentucky. Bourbon is whiskey, which by definition is a spirit distilled from grain, typically rye or barley. But thanks to

The name “bourbon” has its own origin mythology. It’s widely accepted that it was inspired by Bourbon County, Kentucky, which is located in the central part of the state, near Lexington, which was named to honor the French royal family to thank them for their help with the American Revolution. Its original geography encompassed a huge swath of the central part of the state, and distillers slapped

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the name as the “county of origin” on their barrels before shipping them around the country. Another popular theory is that it’s derived from Bourbon Street in New Orleans, where the drink was popular in French Quarter saloons. The new-fangled trend these days with a liquor that was declared America’s National Spirit by Congress in 1964 is the release of “pre-prohibition” (read: stronger) versions of their original recipes. This allows for fairly egregious over-charging at bars and package stores, or something we marketing experts like to call “re-branding the toothpaste.” But even I’ll admit that the 1920 Old Forrester (Brown Forman) is absolutely incredible. Akin to a fine porter or stout with its rich, chocolate notes, it almost allows you to muscle through the near $80 price tag. But I’m digressing again. Bourbon is something that I personally break down into three categories: sipping, mixing, and over a cube of ice. So as not to make this a fifty-page tasting notes-heavy treatise on the why and wherefore of this, let’s talk about mixing, and in so doing, (finally) circle back to the point of this month’s boozey side trip. The Old Fashioned. A.k.a My and Don Draper’s drink of choice.

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In its most classic (read: proper) iteration, The Old Fashioned, which was born at the Pendennis Club in Louisville, Kentucky, is a mixture of sugar, angostura bitters, club soda, and bourbon (or rye, but trust me it’s better with bourbon). You put a sugar cube in the bottom of an Old Fashioned glass (yeah, it has its own glass, but so does a mint julep and a Moscow mule). Wet it down with the bitters and a splash of club soda (or water). Muddle the sugar, then rotate the glass so the sugar and bitters coat the inside. Add a big ice cube and pour in the bourbon. You garnish with an orange twist and (sometimes, but not always) a cocktail cherry. It’s a stirred drink, and is sometimes served with the stirring rod. It’s a perfect blend of sweet, bitter, and corn liquor. I know some would argue in favor of the Manhattan as the perfect amber liquor drink. I would strongly disagree, although a well-crafted Manhattan is a lovely way to mix your bourbon. They’re both “spirit-forward” in that you’re going to taste the booze in it, so if you prefer the kind of cocktail that disguises the fact that you’re imbibing, this is not for you. Now that bourbon and its many classic cocktails have become the Hamm’s of the liquor world, there’s another distressing trend. The de-bourbonification of The Old

Fashioned. Or to put it even more directly, the New Old Fashioned has become something of a hobby for hipster mixologists. I’ve seen bizarre additions like ginger ale, St. Germain (elderflower liqueur), maple syrup, bacon, gin (!), grapefruit, tequila (!), chocolate bitters, and rum (!). Not to mention any and all nature of bitters infused with everything from pecans, black currants, cocoa, and cotton candy. I am all for creativity at the bar, mind you. One of my favorite places to drink here in Ann Arbor is Aventura, where the bartenders do all sorts of wacky things, and have even been known to take a base liquor and flavor and craft something not on the menu, just for fun. Remind me to describe the basil, bourbon, and ginger concoction they made for me once. I’m also for the revival of old-school beers, and for thousands of people asking me if Jim Beam is my favorite bourbon. Okay, I’m exaggerating a little. But you get the idea. My argument in favor of keeping the Old Fashioned old is in keeping with the resurgence of Grandpa Beers. Did you see how I did that full circle thing right there? The newfangled popularity of Hamms, PBR, and Stroh’s isn’t due to any monkeying around with their original recipe. They’re

newly popular because of that original recipe. They’re not hoppy, or juicy, or citrus-y, but they are low in ABV, making them session-able (i.e. you can drink more than one in a drinking session). They are, in a word, basic. And their basic nature is what makes them fun, and, apparently, worthy of top billing at a restaurant that claims to be a hip spot for steaks, beer, and craft cocktails. Note: Grey Ghost is a great place to eat. The bartenders are super awesome and make a mean classic Old Fashioned. Keep the Old Fashioned classic. That’s my campaign slogan. And I approve this message. Cheers everyone! Amazon best-selling author, mom of three, brewery founder, craft beer marketing consultant, and avid sports fan, Liz Crowe is a Kentucky native and graduate of the University of Louisville currently living in Ann Arbor. She has decades of experience in sales, public relations, and fundraising, plus an eight-year stint as a three-continent, ex-pat trailing spouse, all of which provide ongoing idea fodder for novels and other projects. http://www.facebook.com/lizcroweauthor (fan page) http://www.twitter.com/ETLizCrowe

April 2019 | 33

Time Is of the Essence by Tiffany Edison

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n many businesses, turn-around time can be of paramount importance to some clients, and the interior design industry is no different. Rare is the client who is in no particular hurry to complete their project. Questions surrounding delivery and installation dates are pressing, and the logistics of managing this process can be daunting at times, to both designer and homeowner. The reality is that we live in an incredibly interdependent world — and because of this fact, things do not always operate as smoothly as we plan or anticipate. In this reality, the market has changed, and artisan goods and other high-quality items no longer loom in a warehouse awaiting delivery. The world is a different place. Individuals wanting one-of-a-kind items and craftsmanship must wait in line, just like everyone else with discerning taste and the ability to afford such items. This can be a hard pill to swallow for some, pushing them ever so closely to the edge of “speed decorating.” However, taking this plunge would be a mistake I’m afraid… “What’s the hurry?” I often ask my clients. Is there a deadline that’s driving this bus, or is it driven merely by a sense of urgency, a corrective “fix” if you will of the homeowner’s sense of self? Make no mistake, our home environment is a capsule of our feelings and in some cases prized possessions, carrying invaluable significance. My home has always been a place of experimentation. It is a place of safety, where I can try on new “hats” (or coats of paint rather), and decide who I am at that moment in time.

Photo by Matt Jones

It seems we have found ourselves firmly entrenched into two camps these days: those wanting everything delivered to their doorsteps, and those willing to “travel the world’ in an effort to find just the right item needed to transform their house into a home. Good news! Both can happily co-exist in today’s marketplace…but they will have entirely different experiences along the way. Like Robert Frost said in the poem The Road Not Taken: “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.” I personally revel in the “hunt” of the find and in no way equate time spent in this pursuit as wasteful or frivolous.

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Photo by Tiffany Edison

Take for example, Thanksgiving dinner. Thanksgiving is not a holiday without a turkey that has been tended to all day and is tempting your olfactory senses with the anticipation of the moment you can finally sit down to enjoy it. So too is the perfect sofa, made to your specifications, where your feet can actually touch the floor without the assistance of an extra pillow needed behind your lumbar! Now that is luxury! And don’t get me started on the fact that it was created in your favorite color, and so squishy that you just might never get up again!

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But I digress. I’m simply trying to make the point that we are lucky enough to live in a world where we can execute choice — and at the end of the day, the choices we make outline our values, pure and simple. Essentially, designing your home is a canvas of sorts, whereby homeowners have the opportunity to express themselves throughout their environment. “I value relaxation” might be the statement behind one’s giant soaking tub in the master bathroom. “I value entertaining” may result in a grand family room, with plenty of space for friends

208 S. Ashley Street Ann Arbor, MI 48104 734.665.2314

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to congregate. “I value instant gratification” may be the statement one is making when ordering home goods online, or purchasing items off the floor at their local retailer. And that is okay! Our homes should be judgement-free zones. The greatest luxury we have as human beings is time and how we spend it, and who we spend it with is ultimately our life’s purpose. What’s wrong with slowing things down a bit, and understanding that it may be the journey that counts, not the final destination?

Making a home is intensely personal — and sharing this process with a design professional is equally as personal. Those contemplating this exchange of ideas, opinions, and yes, values, should be commended for taking the plunge! It’s safe to say that over the years, I have had several clients firmly entrenched in both camps — and neither one is superior to the other. Both journeys were characterized by triumphs and at times tribulations that ultimately took them to the finish line they so desired. But I was always right there with them, encouraging them to have some fun, as we worked together to create a lasting self-portrait. Tiffany Edison has been an interior designer since 2002, and specializes in both residential and commercial projects. She holds a Master of Social Work degree (ACSW) and utilizes interpersonal relationship skills on a daily basis with her client base, largely comprised of Ann Arbor, and Metro Detroit residents. She has a wonderfully large blended family residing in the city and enjoys the comforts of home. When she’s not fully immersed in client projects, you can find her active on the golf course, a favorite pastime. www.birchdesignassociates.com I also am active on Instagram @birchdesignassociates.

April 2019 | 37

What if it’s Better to Receive than to Give? by Juna Guetter Photo by Evan Kirby

n a world that celebrates giving, the aspect of receiving is often missed. Receiving isn’t a quality that gets much attention or the respect it deserves. It’s often buried underneath the pile of more honorable deeds like giving. There’s even a biblical saying embedded in our cultural conditioning: “It is better to give than to receive.” And we’ve believed it to be true without question. What this creates is a world of stressed-out people proving to themselves and others that they are good based on what they do, how much they volunteer, how much they give and to what cause. Ironically, when it comes to receiving, we act as if receiving was less noble than giving. It’s true, most of us don’t know how to receive well. We’re terrible receivers, in fact. “Oh, no thanks, you keep that… oh, I don’t really need that, thanks anyways, but...” We can’t receive a genuine compliment most of the time. We’re quick to dismiss it, which is in effect not receiving. And to top it all off, instead of receiving, we’ve been taught to take. “Take your fair share. Get while the getting’s good.”

Have you ever given a gift to someone and they take it without the gratitude that could accompany receiving? How does that make you feel? Different than when you give a gift and your friend receives it open-heartedly with 38 | The Brick Magazine

their barriers down. They don’t even have to say “thank you,” their body language speaks it. Most people live by the social conditioning of give and take. Here’s how it works. Living by give-and-take, you’re always looking for what you can get or what you can take without anyone noticing. Conversely, if someone gives you something, you feel obliged to take it. Once you take it, there’s a power imbalance and now you’re the one who must give back to them to equalize the power. If you don’t give back in the way that’s expected, you are less than and they are greater than, until you give them something back of equal value. If you give them more or less, then they feel obliged to give you more or less or torture you by making you wait. Sound familiar? A never-ending cycle that keeps power games in place. A different possibility is in gifting and receiving. Here’s how it works. True gifting is from the sheer joy of contributing to someone or something for no reason, without expecting to get something in return. It DOES exist! Mostly from young children and animals, who truly are here to

contribute beyond the power-plays that creep in on the road to socialization.

as good as it did when you wore it last year”) as an “interesting comment,” not as the truth about you!

Listen to the word “gift.” Doesn’t it sound more fun to be able to gift to someone than to give?

To put it another way, what if someone with muddy boots comes to your house and wants to walk on your clean floor? You’d most likely receive them at the door, and you’d ask them to take their boots off before they trudge through. If they chose to keep their boots on, sorry, but they’re not coming through that door! You receive them, but don’t allow behavior that violates you or your space.

Receiving, truly receiving something from someone with an open heart and no expectations, is a gift to you and the gifter in and of itself. It’s a bonus when the gifter gifts from that space of delight and the receiver receives in that similar vein. There’s a simultaneity of gifting and receiving that does not exist with give and take. When you gift, you also receive, and when you receive, that’s a gift for you and the gifter. A great example is our pets. One of the reasons we love them so is that they’re really great receivers, which makes it fun to gift to them. Can you imagine if your approach to life was jumping up and down, then lying down, tummy up, wagging your tail and receiving the love and belly rubs? If you could receive like that, would you be as stressed out? But you’re not a dog, you’re a human, and it’s really hard to receive without feeling uncomfortable sometimes. So let’s bust three common misconceptions so you can start building your receiving muscle!

I often say that receiving is being like Swiss Cheese — you can receive from all energies (muddy boots, mean people) and let what doesn’t contribute to you move through the holes!

Busting Three Common Misconceptions about Receiving:

Receiving isn’t passive. Receiving isn’t about you waiting pathetically holding out your arms in the shape of a bowl, hoping for money or good fortune to drop in. Receiving is far more active than you might have grown up believing. Receiving is lowering your barriers, standing naked in the wind, perceiving everything and meeting up with it, with every ounce of your being, and stepping forward into the unknown. Allowing every tiny beautiful thing to be a gift, even the unexpected muddy boots, the sarcastic comment, the baby vomit on your shirt. Breathe!

Receiving doesn’t mean you must hold on to what you’ve been given. Many gifts are well-meaning and perhaps not what you would choose for yourself or even desire to keep. You may still receive that misshapen hand-knitted sweater with gratitude and joy, even though you might never wear it. You can be kind and say thank you and actually mean it, as you appreciate the intent behind it.

Receiving is a delicious way of being open that allows others to gift to you. If you put up walls to everyone and make yourself the source for everything, no one can contribute to you. You cannot receive. You can only give, which leads to exhaustion and burnout. As parents, for example, we want to be the source for our children’s wellbeing, but we eliminate receiving from them when we make ourselves the sole source for everything.

And if you need a little help about getting over the guilt of letting one of those gifts move on, listen to what your body knows about receiving. It’s a lot like breathing in and breathing out. You receive what you need or desire and you exhale the rest. If you kept holding onto your breath, you’d die. It’s the same way with receiving. You do not have to hold on to what you receive. You can let it go and then receive something else with your next inhale. When your friend asks where that groovy sweater is, just let them know you’re into downsizing or tidying up!

Turning it around from always being the giver to letting yourself be a receiver might just be the re-frame you need to keep you in the flow of the ease and joy of living!

Receiving includes vulnerability, but doesn’t mean you allow others to walk all over you. I dare you to receive that stab-to-the-heart-in-theguise-of-a compliment (“Oh, that’s a nice outfit… it looks

Juna Guetter is a Michigander at heart, born in Grand Rapids and living there until her early twenties. Raising her family and living and working in Canada for the last 35 years, she’s the proud owner of Synergy In Motion, a coaching business that helps people bring their sparkle back. Right about now, she’s eager to get on the road and travel North America in her 25’ Airstream with her partner, two dogs, and gypsy cat, Nikita. What does she want more than diamonds? For you to know that you are a gift and an untapped resource for the changes you’ve been seeking. www. SynergyInMotion.info

April 2019 | 39

Life’s Ever-Changing Cycles To everything turn, turn, turn. There is a reason turn, turn, turn. And a time for every purpose under heaven. So wrote Pete Seeger with words he took from the Book of Ecclesiastes.

by Marilyn A. Pellini Photo by Rick Medlen

e are hopefully born into a good, wellfunctioning, and loving family. We then start the stages of life. As a toddler, every minute is a new experience, and babies learn constantly and continuously. Babyhood leads quickly into school days with reading, writing, and the dreaded arithmetic. We get through it, if lucky, without much of a struggle. Friends make an appearance in our lives, and by high-school age they almost replace our parents and siblings in our focus and love. The inevitable boyfriend/girlfriend flames begin to ignite. There will always be a place in our hearts for our first love. Some are even fortunate enough that the first love becomes their permanent, forever love. It’s time for college and meeting people from far-off places, maybe even of different cultures. Our world begins to open up and so do our expectations for the future. It’s time to think of how we will support ourselves. In other words, what do we want to be when we grow up? The choices are limitless, and if we should decide incorrectly or change our mind, we can veer, turn, and regroup. No one

40 | The Brick Magazine

will judge us, just think we are wise to try a different tact until we find our “workplace happiness.” Often marriage sneaks in there when we least expect it. The person we want to spend the rest of our lives with grabs our heart. Sometimes it is a chance meeting with a new and total stranger, other times with someone we have known forever, just not in that light. The cycle is ever progressing, and children are born to the couple, making them parents and their parents into grandparents. Inevitably each life span will come to an end at some point. It’s so sad to lose anyone we know and love — mate, sibling, friend, etc. This, however, is a season of life. It revolves and turns gradually into the next generation. Animals too have lifespans that follow a certain path or pattern. Offspring are usually born when the weather starts to turn warmer, just when the chance of survival is definitely on their side. Older animals conserve their energy during the harsh weather, so they too can emerge

to meet a new more energetic lifestyle when better weather arrives.

with the earth and seasons, and we experience all of life’s joys and sorrows as it twists and turns.

Flowers and plants go through a similar cycle. The seeds that are blown here, there, and everywhere secure themselves to the earth for a time when the warm sun will spring them forth in their green, green glory and brilliant color palette. Many will become food to sustain us through our life on this earth.

Often, however, we personally must turn away from the complacent, the usual, the expected because our life takes a turn. We lose our mate or divorce. A job change, a move to another town has us moving in a different direction. Sometimes we look forward to this change. Other times it is unexpected and disastrous. My change and turn came because my husband died.

The seasons turn. Winter with its snow and ice, a period of dormancy, has even humans hunkered down to stay warm. We engage in our favorite winter sports. But, it is to our comfortable homes that we must return to, for our survival depends on keeping warm, getting the necessary rest, and the proper amount of food to eat. Our bodies naturally turn toward filling comfort foods at this time of year. We need that little extra layer of fat to keep us warm. Days grow longer; the sunlight sends more warmth. We feel more robust as the world turns to our area’s spring. We leave our armchairs and head towards the baseball field to either play or observe, to the tennis courts for a game, and perhaps out for a round of golf. We must renew our planting rituals, dead grass needs seeding, flowers and vegetables need planting. All growing things are that sweet, pale yellow-green, most noticeably the trees. They turn in their light green dresses for a rusty amber color as they bud. Then comes the bloom of summer, all a lush deep green and growing so quickly. That includes the weeds that must be pulled so no plants will strangle; then all will receive the sunlight and nutrients they need. All must be tended constantly and carefully watered when rain is in short supply. There is no turning our backs if we want beauty and food. It’s summer, and the warmth of the sun warms the earth and our hearts. We are outdoors as much as possible. Off to the beach, boating or fishing. There are picnics and family reunions. Kids are out of school and outside playing all day. We eat fruits and vegetables only grown in our area during summer. We watch fireworks, eat ice-cream, and love all things summer. So the seasons have turned one into another, and continue to evolve. Suddenly there is a fading as we are headed for fall in our part of the universe. The leaves turn many beautiful colors and traipse toward the ground. We gather the last of the harvest, and turn our attention to the approaching cold weather and winter once again. We exchange our thin jackets for downy ones, and sandals for thick-soled shoes. We jump ahead to another school year and stay indoors more except for the most necessary trips that just have to be made. It’s time for football and soccer. The earth turns over and over so slowly on its axis. It turns the seasons one after another into each other. Our lives turn along

I lost my husband seven years ago (although it feels more like seven minutes) in a bizarre fishing accident. He drowned. We were happily enjoying his retirement and doing so many more things together. Yet the lure of catching the largest striped bass ever caught in the world had him going to remote places to fish. He did this alone. He stayed in bare-bones accommodations, so I did not really want to accompany him, and he fished morning, noon, and night. No one can account for how the accident actually happened. My life turned completely around and upside-down. I attended four grief groups, but each eventually came to an end. I joined more women’s clubs, but there was no male energy in my life, and I missed that terribly. I missed my husband of many years — our fun together, our history together. It was devastating to see how this loss affected my children and grandchildren. Basically, I knew I had to go on. There was no choice, so I began taking writing classes and submitting pieces to wonderful magazines like Brick. I wrote a book, too, which talks about the plight of widows and widowers in our society. We are expected to “get over it” and are not encouraged to talk about the deceased either. Those of us lost and lonely need to help one another find a new path if possible, actually turn in the old life for a new one. We don’t want that of course, but there are definitely ways to make life really fulfilling once again. My writing, my four women’s clubs, time on the town Tree Board have all given me a new impetus, a new focus. I intend to take my new direction in life to its maximum. I intend to go out of this life swinging, in any which way I can. Marilyn Pellini is the author of a new book, Dear Al, A Widow’s Struggles and Remembrances. She has also had pieces in the magazines Bay State Parent, Westchester Parent, and On The Water. This year, she took first place in a writing contest sponsored by The N.Y. State Federation of Women’s Clubs. She is a native of Providence, R.I. and attended the University of Rhode Island. She currently lives in Katonah, N.Y.

April 2019 | 41

Turn Back Time by Lisa Profera, MD Photo by Tomas Williams

ave you ever looked in the mirror and thought, “What happened?”

Ask yourself, how old do I feel on the inside? Does the answer match with how old you look on the outside? How old do others think you are? Do you appear tired, worn out, sad, or angry to people? You probably saw the recent social media trend on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram in January of this year known as the “10-Year Challenge” where people post a current photo next to a photo of themselves from ten years ago. I would suspect that more people who were happy with how they have aged would participate. Did you do it? I encourage you to look at a photo of yourself from ten years ago privately (you don’t have to post on social

42 | The Brick Magazine

media) and compare it to a recent image of yourself. What do you see? When we look in the mirror, we are at a disadvantage. We can only see a 2-D frontal view of ourselves. Everyone else sees us in 3-D and at multiple angles. The interplay between light and shadows cast on the face can make us look older or younger. A good makeup artist knows this. Our eye is drawn to the pleasing proportions of a convexity here and a concavity there. Correcting contours can re-illuminate and rejuvenate the face. How other people perceive you can be crucial at times. They can instantly draw conclusions that may not necessarily be true. Got bags under your eyes? Someone might be thinking “Oh, she looks tired today, I’m not going to ask her for help.” A potential business opportunity may have been lost before it started.

Whether you like it or not, people draw conclusions in a split second based upon your countenance. Realizing this is especially important for anyone who interacts with people as part of their business. Children can be brutally honest. They may think someone with down-turned commissures or marionette lines is angry. “Mommy, are you mad at me?” they might ask. As we age, not only does our skin lose collagen and elastin, but we also lose fat and bone structure. Ligaments that support skin and muscles become lax. These factors, in addition to the effects of gravity, cause a diagonal descent, resulting in an older-looking face. The ideal upside-down triangle of youth is flipped with age. So how can we turn back time? Botox is the best for relaxing wrinkles (see my article in BRICK called Botox and Beyond, February 2018). Fillers restore structure. Injecting fillers helps add volume back into the face and helps support underlying bone structure. The artistry and the expertise of the injector is very important. This procedure requires skill, knowledge of facial anatomy, and is not without risk. Asking the patient what bothers them the most about how their face is aging is key to satisfaction. Educating the patient on why these changes are occurring with age empowers them with information to make the best decisions on what fillers to use and where to inject them. I always want my patients to be happy! The quality and selection of the product being injected is pivotal. When considering facial injections, cutting corners should not be an option. This is your face, you don’t want to just go for the cheapest solution. I only use FDA-approved, reversible hyaluronic acid fillers made in the USA. Some of the older fillers on the market are not reversible. If something goes wrong, or the patient is unhappy, it can be fixed. I like to start out with small volumes to give the patient a more subtle, natural look. Here in Ann Arbor, people are more interested in looking natural — the Hollywood “overdone look” just doesn’t fly. I don’t want to create chipmunk cheeks, fish lips, and paralyzed expressionless faces. I strive to restore the younger you without it being obvious that “work was done.” With a filler, you will see results immediately as it lifts the dermis and supports deeper structures. The effects of volumization continue to evolve over time as new collagen and elastin are laid down by skin fibroblasts in and around the filler over the next three months. Results can last one to two years. My favorite filler is Juvederm Voluma as it is specifically designed for deep injections to help restore the natural

youthful curves of the cheek area (ogee curve) that we so often lose with age. Correcting the “upstream” volume loss can make the lower face appear more youthful without even touching it. This is true for both men and women, though the areas where volume loss can be corrected are different. It’s important to understand what features make a face more masculine or more feminine. Restoring youthful structure by correcting not only convexities and concavities, but by properly supporting underlying bones and ligaments is the key to success. Like creating a fine sculpture, it is also a form of art. Skillful facial re-volumization can be subtle. People will notice something different about you, but they may not be able to pinpoint why you look younger. They may comment on how great you look and then ask if you changed your hairstyle or your skin cream. A little filler can go a long way in the hands of an expert. Being proactive and using fillers at the first stages of volume loss can stave off some of the big expense of a face-lift later on in life. Perhaps you have an important event coming up like a wedding, a reunion, or a milestone birthday, or maybe you just want to look younger — don’t we all? What bothers you when you look in the mirror? Judicious use of fillers can restore a more youthful appearance in many areas of the face. Adding volume and support with a highquality filler can help correct flattened cheeks, sinking tear troughs, jowling and sagging of the lower face, thinning of the lips, wrinkling above the lips, and hollowing in the temples and preauricular area (below the cheekbone and in front of the ear). Artful placement of fillers can rejuvenate contour, illuminate the face, and flip the triangle of youth. The next time you turn around and catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, will you see the younger you? How would you fare in the 10-Year Challenge? Would you like to turn back time?

Mention this article for a complimentary aesthetic facial consultation by Dr. Profera. Owner and Founder of PROJUVU MD Aesthetics and Lifestyle Medicine in Ann Arbor, MI www.projuvu.com; 1-844-PROJUVU drprofera@gmail.com doTERRA Essential Oils Wellness Advocate BEMER Independent Distributor FaceBook business page: projuvu Request to join my Closed FaceBook group, Dr. Lisa’s Essential Oils Forum: https://www.facebook.com/ groups/1952063771691445/ Instagram: youressentialoilsdoctor

April 2019 | 43

WOMAN ON THE STREET

Church in the Bean Aisle

by Stephanie Saline 44 | The Brick Magazine

he grocery store was packed on a Sunday afternoon, resulting in a sort of grocery cart Grand Prix. Racers drove their metal carts down the aisles, vying for pole position. The intersections at the ends of the aisles were especially treacherous: not only did you have to keep your eye on the cart riding your bumper; you also had to time your entry into the turn just right to avoid collision with other carts. And there I was, in the bean aisle, standing still. I was contemplating my spouse’s request for what seemed like far too many cans of beans. Eight twentyeight ounce cans of black beans. Four twenty-eight ounce cans of red beans. Two twenty-eight ounce cans of white beans. I was also considering white beans in chili. Who puts white beans in chili? As I pondered these essential questions, I noticed a man with his cart, standing still beside me. And then I could have sworn I felt my phone vibrate in my jacket pocket. I touched my pocket to confirm, but it was empty, because I had intentionally left my phone at home. So there I was, in a universe of grocery cart racing, standing still and responding to a device that wasn’t there. A bit of a phantom limb phenomenon, you could say. But in this case, the missing limb wasn’t an arm or a leg. It was a phone. Side bar: I’ve got pretty good phone hygiene. I often leave my phone at home. I rarely check email or social media on it. I don’t have a habit of pulling it out when I’m waiting in a line. My notifications are off. My ringer is usually off.

It takes you away from what is going on around you. So you can’t be present. Because you are with whatever you think might happen. Me, I don’t even bring my phone here. Because I am not available right now. I am only available to what I am doing here. This is all my attention is for. Being here, and thinking on what is in front of me here. What I need here. The decisions that I make here. And the task in front of me here. Getting food for the week. And so it was that I found myself at church in the bean aisle. I’m pretty sure this guy was a spirit creature. Like maybe an angel, or something. Because you don’t just crack off a message like that without being connected to something besides your shopping list. I received his lesson like I was taking communion. It made sense: we are either anticipating, or we are present to what’s unfolding around us. We can’t be both at the same time. I found validation in his message, too. Not only was it okay to leave my phone at home, it was necessary. We need time to ourselves, where we can attend to whatever is in front of us. Or to just be with our own experience, and present to our own thoughts.

But still: instinctively, I was feeling for it.

“Thanks for that,” I said, and grabbed his hand. I kind of surprised myself as I did. Why am I grabbing a stranger’s hand? Isn’t that a little weird?

Craving a witness, I told the man standing still beside me the truth about what was going on inside me. “I just thought my phone was vibrating in my pocket, only to realize I didn’t even bring it,” I said.

Likely, yes. But my desire to touch someone whose words had touched me was about grounding my gratitude in the physical. I hear you. What you’ve just said means something to me. Thank you.

And then something delightful happened.

He received my hand and we looked each other in the eyes. And then I pushed my cart down the aisle, towards the spices and baking supplies.

He delivered this sermon:

That means you are addicted. You are anticipating. You are thinking ahead to what will happen next. And when you anticipate, what that means is that you are not here. You are in the what-will-happen. You are not here in the what-is.

A teacher and advertising writer based in Buffalo, New York, Stephanie Saline spent a decade having adventures across Japan, the Pacific Northwest, and Montana, and another decade building a popular writing business. She is the creator of Writing Your Way Home, a workshop where people write their stories. Find out more about her work at www.stellaorange.com.

April 2019 | 45

Turn Around and Embrace the Golden Possibility that Is You!

by Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC Photo by Andrej Nihil

46 | The Brick Magazine

“The beauty you see in me is a reflection of you.”

e are drawn to certain people for a multitude of reasons. One magical reason is that we see special traits or characteristics in others that we can’t quite yet embrace within ourselves. We are attracted because we sense new possibilities for ourselves in that other person. Maybe it’s the way a friend speaks openly and directly when you’re inclined to go undercover with your thoughts. Maybe it’s a friend’s wildly creative talents that you admire, when you are not yet able to put your creative genius to work. Perhaps it’s another’s ability to experience pure, unbounded pleasure and joy, feelings you tend to carefully control and keep tightly under wraps. Consider this. What is appreciated outside might also be inside — of you! Your inner gold, so to speak, needing to be mined. Your magnificent, sparkling, twenty-four karat self. When any of my coaching clients become infatuated with, intrigued by, or really curious about someone special in their world, I always recommend that they “turn around.” I suggest they consider the possibility that they, too, hold characteristics identical to what they are drawn to in their chosen one. Most are pleasantly surprised and empowered by this discovery. Imagine that? In the glory of the other, we find ourselves! Now that is a turnaround. Time to give yourself one big, extraordinary hug! When we look deeply into another person, attending closely, we discover, time and time again, key aspects ourselves — aspects we are not yet able to step into, bring forward, or hold on to. The words “not yet” are key here. Sometimes, I believe we actually subconsciously ask others to carry for us what we are still hesitant to embrace. Issues of self-worth, questions about deservedness, or conflicts about standing in one’s strengths or being successful can run interference with a person embracing positive parts of themselves. Helping my coaching clients clear these types of barriers and obstacles so they can share their divine, exquisite golden traits and abilities with the world makes up a large portion of the work I do. So ask yourself, what unique traits stand out when you are drawn to someone?

~ Rumi

These attributes probably reflect your own capacities, depths, or potential yet to be uncovered, developed, or consciously appreciated. What do you value about a beloved that you can’t treasure or even see in yourself? Ah, yes, the “turn around” always awakens you to elements of your own divine essence and to a coming home to parts of yourself. So experiment with this idea, and try to appreciate that the sweet, beautiful aura of another might also be a glorious reflection of yourself. Just as we can project onto someone else negative aspects of ourselves (so-called shadow parts, parts we can’t quite assimilate within our being), we also do this with positive aspects of our being. It can be frightening to know your greatness, and therefore easier to recognize it first outside yourself in a friend, colleague, or beloved. If we hang out long enough with these brilliant beings, maybe an exchange of gold happens. When coaching clients, one of the quickest ways I help a person step into their strength and true essence is to point out the wisdom of their choice of tribe or inner circle. We surround ourselves with the grace of those holding golden energy when we are longing to awaken our own. What a mysterious process it is, this work of being human. So much of our growth occurs in relationships with others. Wired for connection, we do just that — connect.

Photo by Sharon Mccutcheon

April 2019 | 47

As we connect, love, and care about others, we are also trying to love and care for ourselves. There is great restorative power in the recognition of our own potential as we appreciate another’s. In the presence of another, we find ourselves! Author Katherine Woodward Thomas speaks of how our relationships with others are a mirror to our relationship with ourselves. Consider holding up a mirror regularly! If you are overflowing with love for another, mirror it back, and ask “And how am I loving myself?” Or perhaps you are a really great listener, and pride yourself in offering yourself this way to others. Equally important is the job of checking in with yourself, asking “And what do I hear when I listen to myself?” The mirroring principle, when practiced regularly, is profoundly powerful. Doing this type of turning around and checking in with ourselves prevents us from self-abandoning, or neglecting to consider our own growth and personal development. We care tremendously about those close to us, so why not also channel some of that love right back toward yourself, asking yourself lovingly, “Sweetheart, what is it that you need or long for right now?” This mirroring works for negative moments as well. If you feel a friend is being inattentive and is distracted, for instance, check in the mirror and consider, “How am I not attending to myself in this moment?” You might realize that you need to honor to yourself and end the conversation because it is no longer serving you. Or perhaps you bump up against meanness or rudeness. Time to check in with yourself and ponder whether your own heart may have grown cold or harsher for an instant. I can’t tell you how powerful this practice is for me. I use it as a daily tool to reset my ways. It is truly transformative when we can turn back to ourselves and ask these kinds of questions. All we ever have any control over is how we attend to and work with ourselves. So why not use the presence of the other, however they are showing up — positively or negatively — and turn your reaction to them into fertile ground for growing your own beautiful, exquisite self? Do the turn around! Place first attention on yourself. Doing so is not, as many might worry, a selfish endeavor; rather, it is essential to improving your own ways. Then you can gift yourself to others from a much better, golden place — and really feel your glow! Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC is a certified Life Coach in Ann Arbor, MI who loves empowering adolescents, adults, and couples to live from the HEART of what really matters to them so that they can bring their fully expressed, vibrant selves into the world. She has a special gift for helping women reclaim their feminine power, and embrace their radiant, sensual, sexy spirits. Their lives transform. They soar into their mid-life magnificence! Photo by Vinicius Amano

48 | The Brick Magazine

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50 | The Brick Magazine

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Dr. Lisa Profera www.projuvu.com 1-844-PROJUVU drprofera@gmail.com None of the statements in this ad have been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). They are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. None of the statements should be construed as dispensing medical advice, making claims regarding the cure of diseases, nor can this product prevent or cure any disease state as an FDA registered General Wellness device.You should consult a licensed health care professional before starting any health protocol or any health device such as BEMER, especially if you are pregnant or have any pre-existing injuries or medical conditions. Results may not be typical, nor are they a representation of what you could experience. Representations may be based on the experiences of several people and you may not have similar results. I am an Independent BEMER Distributor and I am paid by BEMER when I sell BEMER products. Individual results could be biased as a result of financial incentives.

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