The Brick Magazine February 2019 by The Brick Magazine Ann Arbor

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THE

FEBRUARY 2019

MAGAZINE

ANN ARBOR

THE SECRET TO LIVING A MINIMALIST LIFESTYLE JOY IN WINTER THE KEY TO HEALING

PLUS! A NEW YEARâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S PROMISE FOR HER DAUGHTER

Sadeepa Munasinghe CHOOSING FAITH

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THE

BRICK MAGAZINE

FEBRUARY 2019

CONTENTS 8

The Secret to Living a Minimalist Lifestyle (Hint: It’s Not Just About the “Stuff”!)

Faith to Face Hard Times with Sadeepa Munasinghe

Joy In Winter

Wardrobe Pro-Tips: Foundations and Finishing Touches

For Personal & Planetary Thriving The “F-Word” that is Key to Healing

Walking While Black: L.O.V.E. is the Answer

Low and Slow: A Secret Weapon

The New ‘Secret Sauce’ of Essential Oils

Simple Manners can Make for a More Civil Society

Dancing with Longings

A New Year’s Promise for Her Daughter

Welcome to Booze 101 with Liz The Secret Ingredient Hangover Cure

Woman on the Street Wafting

Publisher • Sarah Whitsett

Assistant to the Publisher • Tanja MacKenzie

Art Director • Jennifer Knutson

Copy Editor • Angelina Bielby

Marketing Director • Steve DeBruler

Online Creative • Bridget Baker

Cover Photographer • Heather Nash

Contributors >>

<< Bridget Baker Liz Crowe Morella Devost Kristen Domingue

Jillian Fraioli Heather Glidden Angela Harrison Pat Pancioli

Marilyn Pellini Lisa Profera Stephanie Saline Maria Sylvester

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The Secret to Living a Minimalist Lifestyle (Hint: It’s Not Just About the “Stuff”!)

by Bridget Baker Photo by Kari Shea

8 | The Brick Magazine

n the past few years, we’ve become much more aware of our stuff — or, more specifically, the need to get rid of our stuff by decluttering and letting things go. Concepts like only keeping items that “spark joy,” or the notion that all of your physical possessions should “bring value” in your life, may have you in a frenzy of sorting, purging, and donating. You may think that if you could just pare down your belongings enough, then you’d BE enough. Well, what if it were never about the stuff? What if I told you that focusing on the physical items in your life only creates more of an obsession with what you have, or a feeling of lack about what you don’t have? What if the biggest way to let it all go would be to let go of the idea

Photo by Ember Ivory

that your stuff is any reflection of who you are? What if the secret to living a more simple, organized, minimalist lifestyle was about focusing on something more important than your physical possessions? That clutter in your garage does not mean you are disorganized, living in chaos, or a hot mess of a human. It may simply mean that you have gotten busy, that life has happened, and you just haven’t had time to catch up. Life transitions such as having kids, moving, or changing jobs may leave you with more in your house than you need. Or, perhaps you’re just not ready to let go of some items yet. I’m writing you a permission slip right now to not have to focus on getting organized.

February 2019 | 9

You may think the priority is in getting rid of your physical ephemera, but what if you could go within yourself first? What could you accomplish with an inner decluttering — one that would help you become clear on your priorities, your desires, and your lifestyle? This way, when you go to throw away or donate an item, you will have less of an attachment to it. That item will clearly not fit into the bigger picture of your life, and there will be less of an emotional charge around getting rid of it. Being able to let go comes from a feeling you are enough. I am not talking about enough pairs of shoes or enough art on your walls. The kind of enough I’m talking

about is a deep inner knowing that, no matter what happens around you, that you are enough by yourself. You do not need anyone or any physical object to make you a better person or to complete you. You are worthy of taking up space, of existing, and of making a difference in the world through the expression of your creativity and vision. You are enough. Period. We are bombarded with advertisements that leave us feeling incomplete if we don’t purchase the next best thing. Ads are useful when we do have a need for something to purchase, but this can sometimes leave us with a gaping hole that will never be filled by trips to the

Photo by Feli Ramsanjamiagung

10 | The Brick Magazine

Photo by Hutomo Abriant

mall or one-day shipping online orders. What you need to know is that you are complete and perfect, exactly as you are, whether you have that new iPhone, carry that new designer handbag, or are driving that new car. Inadequacy and fear may have become a default setting for you, but the good news is, you can take the time to go within and start to rebuild your foundation. One of the best ways to do this is through the practice of meditation. By taking deep breaths, sitting in silence, and being present in the moment, you will create the space where there is nothing to fix or change, and where you are enough. Another way to feel enough is through self-care. This will vary by person, but it could mean going for a walk in the woods, taking a hot bath, or even petting your dog. Whatever feels like the best way to give back to yourself and to fill your cup is the action needed to know you are taking the best care of yourself, regardless of what happens in your life outside of you. When you create this foundation of enough-ness for yourself, you can then take a look at your house or your

office and release what no longer fits into that bigger vision of self-care. Whatever is not essential to who you are and whatever you need can fall away, so you can make way for the new dreams and priorities that are now uncovered from going within. If you declutter without doing the inner work, you may become addicted to or obsessed with looking at your physical items; you may be left feeling empty, your inner world feeling like it has been wiped clean of what you value. The secret ingredient to living a fulfilled life is to value yourself first, and then everything else you acquire beyond that is just icing on the beautiful and brilliant cake that is you.

Bridget Baker web presence sherpa productivity hacker • digital nomad freelance blogger • minimalist adventurer • speaker • full-time RVer www.instagram.com/travellightlife/ Travellightlife.com February 2019 | 11

Photo by Heather Nash

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Faith to Face Hard Times with Sadeepa Munasinghe by Kristen Domingue Photos by Heather Nash The Brick cover-story articles are most often written by the interviewee as responses to our questions. The interviewee sends her answers to me for review. I then edit the article to create a clear story arc and narrative resonance before passing it to our editor for final review. Never have I worked on an article that moved me to tears. Sadeepa is living with Wilson’s disease, which impacts her verbal and written communication skills. However, you can see for yourself that despite the challenges she faces, she’s of “sound mind,” even more so given what she’s had to overcome to be where she is today. This reminded me of an invaluable insight that we all learned in elementary school: never judge a book by its cover. Just because someone looks or sounds different doesn’t mean they aren’t just like us. They constantly search for the strength to keep going in their version of our battles. While some of us have more complex battles than others, the inner fight to live a life that has meaning and makes a difference is universal, no matter what we have to overcome to get there. We all want to know that we matter. And Sadeepa’s life is a testament to the fact that we do, in fact, matter.

Little Girl, Big Dreams Growing up as a girl in Sri Lanka, I wanted to be a doctor (a gynecologist specifically). Whenever a family member was wounded or sick, I was there with the first-aid kit to care for them without hesitation, with no fear of catching their illness. Thankfully, I knew from a young age that caring for people brought me joy because my soul was content choosing love as my motive to serve. In pursuit of that dream, I applied and was admitted to the University of South Alabama Biomedical Sciences Program. I left home and my life journey in the United States began as an international student. My mother taught me that if I ask God for my hearts’ desires with good intentions, He will listen and grant me what I need.

One year after coming to the US, I almost lost my life due to an unforeseen health condition. The life events that took place thereafter were full of excruciating pain, hardships, and struggles that my family and I went through together. At the time, there were only two institutions in the US that treated Wilson’s disease, and being an international student only made getting treatment harder. [Editor’s note: Wilson’s disease is a rare inherited disorder which causes too much copper to accumulate in the brain, liver, and other vital organs.] Despite the diagnosis and ensuing challenges, the things my mother taught me as a girl stayed in my heart: if I ask God for my heart’s desires with good intentions, He will listen and grant me what I need. Throughout the

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Photo by Heather Nash

long process of getting a diagnosis and finding the right treatment, I clung to my childhood dream of serving the sick even more than I had before. As a result of great persistence, courage, and hope, today I work for the Office of Research at the University of Michigan’s Medical School. I’m a part of their clinical research team.

The Diagnosis That Changed My Life When I left Sri Lanka to pursue my dream of becoming a doctor, I was able to score high enough to make the Dean’s list and President’s list in my first semesters in college. As a young girl who had never been alone without her parents’ guidance or protection, I found being in a foreign country to pursue my dream, making new decisions on my own, and adapting to a very different culture very daunting. After one year excelling in my studies, the symptoms of Wilson’s disease began to surface. I went from walking to losing my balance (I couldn’t walk without assistance), 14 | The Brick Magazine

from eating to drooling like a waterfall (without being able to consume anything by mouth; I lost the ability to swallow or talk). After three months of testing, I was diagnosed with Wilson’s disease and learned that the inability to excrete excess copper from my body was the root of the problem. I know — it would have been awesome if I produced gold or platinum right? Nope. It’s just worthless copper. Thanks to God and my brother’s research, I was admitted to the University of Michigan’s hospital for a 45-day research study which gave me my life back. But it was really hard. The 45 days were spent in pain with very little sleep. I had a nasal feeding tube and a PEG tube to take in nutrients since I couldn’t eat (the risk of choking was too high). I had to learn to communicate with my family and with the nurses and other health care providers who cared for me in a new way. It was this research study that literally saved my life. My family had a hard time watching me in pain and suffering; in a way, we went through it together, even though I was the one with the disease. I kept holding on to my faith because I knew God was still listening to my

prayers. Even though I lost all capacity for basic functions, my loving parents and my loving brother never let me go. I’m blessed to have a loving family. My brother took care of my immigration paperwork while I participated in the research study. He and my parents still support my vision and dreams. We now have a community of friends and family in the US who supported our ability to stay together (which we needed because the strict immigration laws made this very challenging). Personally, I’ve needed lots of help to keep going; I had to learn how to adapt to every situation that life brings with an accepting heart. This was a realization and it took practice. It’s not the easiest path to take when your body does not want to cooperate with what your brain wants to do or what your heart desires. Lots of determination, persistence, and planning each day to be active, healthy, and make personal connections with loved ones — this is how I get through it all. I’m very grateful I have a strong support team to help me.

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When my year of absence from college came to an end, we met with my academic adviser about continuing my bio-medicine studies. However, my dream was discouraged due to my inability to perform the extensive laboratory work required to become a doctor (I had fine motor deficits from the neurological dysfunction throughout my body).

After I was diagnosed with Wilson’s, I was told “no,” I couldn’t follow my dream by “skeptics of life.” After each “no,” I was discouraged and disheartened, but I knew my intention to care for the sick came from love. So after completing undergraduate school with honors, I looked into masters programs in medicine. At this time, even though my fine motor functionality and mobility had improved somewhat, I had limited physical ability and many complications.

Photo by Heather Nash

So, I had to reroute my education and continue with a newly established plan. This plan had many challenges which impacted my life perspective, ultimately, for the better. I now had to consider many big questions: How would I keep up with stringent immigration regulations while battling a fatal disease? How would I communicate through my newly garbled voice with people at school, the hospital, or anywhere? How would I pursue my vision of becoming a doctor? February 2019 | 15

Photo by Heather Nash

As I researched master’s programs, I had two priorities in mind: 1) pursuing my dream of caring for people and 2) extending my stay in the US to continue the lifelong treatment I would need (and wouldn’t have access to, if I returned to Sri Lanka). I had to figure this out quickly to meet my immigration deadlines.

Photo by Heather Nash

In my search, I discovered the Clinical Research Administration program through the Office for International Students at Eastern Michigan University. I applied and was recommended for admission. This was perfect: I already had a lot of personal experience with research study participation.

The Will To Try Again

Praying They “See” Me

I can now proudly say that I earned my Bachelor’s degree in Simulation, Animation, and Gaming and a Master’s degree in Clinical Research Administration in spite of a lifechanging disease, in spite of physical pain, in spite of the injustice and discrimination I faced. I couldn’t have done it without my faith in God and His blessing for my life.

Completing my master’s took a lot of determination and courage to prove that I am capable of success in my chosen career path. I was discriminated against because of my disability by academic authority figures and by prospective employers after graduation. However, my deep desire to follow my heart always kept me moving forward

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The Impact Of Owning “Invisibility” As a woman of color with a disability, at first, I was intimidated to share thoughts about my abilities in the classroom and workplace because I was afraid that I might make a mistake. But, then it dawned on me that all of us are human and none of us can be perfect (even if you do not have a disability). So I share more now because it’s not worth it to keep it to myself. Also, the biggest secret (not a secret anymore) to my success is that I share my life — struggles and happiness — with my family and friends so that I don’t feel like I have to face it all alone. It helps me to know there’s someone else thinking of me, praying for me, and supporting me Photo by Heather Nash through the difficult times. In turn, I know this is can be a very gratifying gesture for my loved ones — just the act of sharing, praying, and past these injustices. Also, having my family advocate for being connected. my rights has truly been a blessing from God. It was in recent months that I secured my position at Michigan Medicine through what felt like a miracle. This is the institution that gave me a second chance at life with the life-saving treatment I received during the study I was part of there. To arrive where I am today with my career, I had to stand my ground at times with patience, hope, and grit. I had to have faith that someone would see beyond the disabled body I possess; someone might see my true passion in the work I desire to do, someone might see the potential of my success through the life challenges that I’ve already overcome. There were many rejections, but I kept moving forward because I knew the work would give me a deeper appreciation for life. Even though the challenges are never-ending, I accept them with open arms and see how it shapes me. Today, my dream of becoming a medical doctor seems so far away, but I’ve managed to follow my ultimate goal of helping the sick with the work I do professionally. This truly makes my heart happy.

Every day of my existence has been a physical challenge and mentally daunting, but I know that someone is watching me overcome the challenges with a smile on their face because it gives them the encouragement to overcome their own battles in life. If I had advice for younger me (or anyone) it would be to always hold on to hope — never let that go away.

Sadeepa’s success is a touchstone for all of us about the importance of a few different kinds of faith. Faith in a higher power to help us when we need it most. Faith in ourselves to take one more chance after one more “no.” Faith in those who are different than us — that we might see who “the other” really is and choose connection over separation, potential instead of impossibilities. Kristen M. Domingue is a copywriter and content marketing consultant in the New York City area. When she’s not delivering on client projects, you can find her cooking up something gluten-free or in an internet rabbit hole on entrepreneurship or astrology.

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Photo by Ellis Anthony

Joy in Winter by Heather Glidden

he temps feel like they’ve been cold forever. Theoretically the days are getting longer, but the days still seem pretty short to me, and summer still feels like a long time away. This makes February one of the toughest months in Michigan.

a mental and emotional effect. To understand this, try the posture right now. What does it feel like when your chest closes in? Look at yourself in a mirror — what does that posture telegraph about your inner state? Does it feel more constricted? Does it look less confident?

What’s the secret ingredient to creating joy during one of the darkest, coldest months of the year? The surprising answer is to open your heart to it!

Now try an upright posture with your chest open and relaxed. What does that feel like in your body? What differences do you notice from the rounded shoulders posture? Does it feel like you can move a little more freely? Look in a mirror — what do you notice about yourself in this posture? Do you look maybe a little more optimistic?

Now, this doesn’t mean you have to fall in love with the winter (although you may find you don’t mind it as much if you practice what I’m about to teach you). What I’m actually talking about is just opening your chest and relaxing into your body. Here’s what happens: a common response to cold is to tense up and brace. Your shoulders round forward, they might go up to your ears, and you close in on yourself. This posture has a negative physical effect, but it also has

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Your nervous system registers the tensing response that happens in your body when you encounter the cold and reads it as a sign that something is wrong. Tensing our muscles and bracing are the strategies that our bodies uses to be prepared in a dangerous situation, so this response sends the message to your nervous system that you are in danger. In order to keep you safe, your body releases the hormones that allow you to be on alert and

more reactive. But as you become more reactive, you respond even more strongly to the cold — tensing up and bracing even more. This whole response cycle becomes a negative reinforcement loop that just tells you more and more that you are unhappy. The way you break the cycle is to consciously relax your body and open up your chest. As you relax, your body shifts out of high-alert state, allowing you to relax more. Your shoulders roll backward and down, you stand up straighter, and it actually becomes much easier to experience positive emotions and feelings. This can take a little practice before it becomes habit, but the reward is feeling a lot happier and more relaxed in the winter. Here are a few simple strategies you can use throughout your day to release tension, open up your chest, and start to feel better right away.

1. Use Visualization Visualize a plane of warm glowing light, like an X-ray, that starts at the top of your head and scans down through your body all the way to the soles of your feet. Silently name each body part as the light passes through it. Visualize the light warming and melting each body part as it passes through you. You can feel the light start at your skin and then gradually penetrate deeper and deeper into your body. Repeat the scan two or three times, relaxing a little deeper with each pass.

2. Get Moving A simple way to get moving outdoors is to walk with walking sticks. Using the sticks will get your arms moving, and as your arms move, you will naturally stand up

straighter, release tension from your shoulders, and open up your chest. You’ll also warm up faster, and the sticks will help you keep your balance, even on icy sidewalks. If you prefer to stay indoors, move your spine. You can arch, curl, twist, and do side bends. Just move gently and imagine your spine thawing and becoming more and more supple as you move. Don’t force anything. Moving your spine is a great way to generate internal heat. Play! Do jumping jacks, get out a jump-rope, or find a hula hoop. Doing things that feel fun and even a little silly helps your body naturally start to open up. Bonus points if you can laugh and also get your heart rate up!

3. Take Deep Breaths When you round your shoulders and close your chest, your breath gets shallower. Shallow breath makes you more likely to lift your shoulders and can cause more tension in your neck. Allow your breath to drop all the way down through your chest and even into your belly. This will naturally start to open your chest and release tension. It’s also a great way to check in with your physical, mental, and emotional state. One of my favorite breaths to release tension and open the heart chakra is to softly “snore” the breath in through the nose while gently widening the back of the throat. Visualize the breath filling the heart center and feel your body soften as it does.

4. Acknowledge that Cold Is Just a Sensation This one is a bit more esoteric but can make a big shift once you start to pay attention. Frequently we identify the sensation of cold as pain. If cold feels painful, then we brace against it much more, creating more stress and tension in our bodies. But in reality, cold is just a sensation. The next time you notice you are feeling cold, pay attention: are you responding to the cold as if it’s painful? If so, try to relax into the sensation instead. The more you relax, the better you will feel in the cold. I hope these strategies can help you feel better in your body this month, and by extension, create more joy for you. Give it a try and let me know how it goes! Heather Glidden is the co-owner of JOY, a mind-body movement studio in downtown Ann Arbor. With 15 years of experience as a healing movement specialist, body worker, and integrative life coach, she helps her clients recover from pain and injuries and achieve radiant health. The mission of her studio is to bring more joy to the world by helping people feel great in their bodies. http://joyannarbor.com/

Photo by Matt Wilson

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February 2019 | 19

Wardrobe Pro-Tips: Foundations and Finishing Touches

by Angela Harrison

20 The Brick 20 || The BrickMagazine Magazine

hy do celebrities (almost) always look phenomenal in their clothes? They’re human, they’re not a different species from us — and yet, their bodies seem to wear everything perfectly. Realistically, that level of “perfection” takes about four to five behind-thescenes people to execute what we see on talk shows, red carpets, and social media. While this kind of maintenance is unrealistic for everyday life, the techniques used to achieve these flawless looks are easily accessible and often overlooked. All you really need is the right style of bra for what you’re wearing, and well-fitting shapewear.

Bras: Sizing, Styles, and Full of Secrets Let’s start off with sizing — if you haven’t been fitted for a bra within the last two years, start there. This

is something you can have a professional do at your favorite lingerie department or store, or you can do it at home with the help of Google and YouTube. Most women are wearing the wrong bra size, and those bras are usually smaller than your true measurement. Find your actual bra size, compare to your purchased sizes, and go from there. Bras are a major factor in dressing. Not only do they support your bust line, they also can affect the fit of your clothing. The correct size can create more definition in your body type proportions — for example, it could transform a pear shape into a more hourglass look. When your upper body proportions are larger than your natural waist, items like blouses and dresses tend to lay on the body in a more flattering manner. The fabric can skim the rest of the torso/hips, rather than bunch. Now, this in no way refers to a large bust; this theory of fit applies February 2019 | 21

to all sizes — when your bra fits correctly, your posture improves, lending to a better fit in your clothing.

factor; styles with lace trim or sewn-on detail can tend to look bumpy under t-shirts, so keep it simple.

So aside from fit, the other key factor to making or breaking an outfit is bra style. There are thousands of styles out there — t-shirt, plunge, strapless, wireless, pushup, you get it. The secret to making your bra work for you is identifying the style you need for your specific look. If we’re talking everyday bras, whether it’s work or casual, comfort is usually most important. Look for wide shoulder straps to alleviate digging, wide/smooth bands for back support, and also cup coverage. Fabric is also an important

When it comes to eveningwear, bras are essential. How many times have you seen a celebrity on the red carpet, or a Kardashian going to Walgreens, and wondered how their cleavage is breaking all laws of physics in a plunge top or backless gown? You may not be able to track it, but there’s a bra-mechanism present at all times. Red carpet is where undergarments get the most advanced, and sometimes busts are even held up with duct tape if necessary (Google that one before trying at home, or you’ll be sorry). But a

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lot of these bras are readily available for everyone, there’s no Hollywood secret. Depending on your support needs and coverage, unconventional, barely-there bras can range from stick-on pasties (to avoid slippage), gel stick-on cups, U-shaped wired bras and corsets for deep plunge, over-theshoulder lift for backless garments, long-line bras for extra support and definition, and so on. If you’re someone with a larger bust who only tries dress or top styles that suit a conventional strap/strapless bra, try these different styles on in stores or at home; you’ll be surprised at how many styles you can wear and still feel supported and covered.

Shapewear: You’re Doing It All Wrong Okay, I know, shapewear isn’t pleasant. However, a lot of that unpleasantness has to do with fit-squeezing, rolling down, rolling up, creating bumps that weren’t there before, etc. A lot of shapewear is marketed as a size-reducing garment, creating a lot of the problems listed above. Brands like Spanx create pieces that are meant for support and concealing, same goals as our bras, and that’s the approach we need to take with shapewear. The goal is not to cinch, but rather to have a barrier of support that holds us in place and conceals any lines or bumps. When it comes to sizing for shapewear, I always suggest going a size up. You want a high-quality material, like the fabrics offered by Spanx — something thin,

yet durable and breathable. By going a size up, you’re not cutting off your circulation, nor are you risking the dreaded band roll. Try different sizing, see what’s comfortable, go two sizes up if you want; the goal is comfort and support. Shapewear, like bras, comes in endless styles, and it’s important to find something compatible for your look. Want some extra smoothing for work pants or flowing wide-leg trousers? Try the knee- or ankle-length styles, they’ll be undetectable and conceal any dreaded underwear lines. If you have a fitted dress or skirt, the mid-thigh style is preferred by celebrities for smoothing and toning. Spanx’s version of this has very thin, hem-less material for the legs, almost creating a second skin. You want to avoid any threaded hems or finishes, these can create squeezing or lines under your clothes. The fit of what we wear under our clothes is almost as important as the fit of the clothes themselves. The next time you catch yourself admiring a celebrity in their outfit, take a second to look at the details — where are things sitting, what’s the neckline, how form-fitting are the clothes, can you spot any undergarments? If you’re stunned at how good they look, chances are they’re loaded up with a great bra and shapewear duo. Find your fit, try on styles you’ve had personal rules against, and make your clothes look fab with new foundations! *All photos belong to Nordstrom.com

Angie Harrison received a BS degree in fashion merchandising from Western Michigan University, and after merchandising for a large retailer, went on to start Angela Harrison Style: a personal, print, and film wardrobe styling service. Her experience has led her to build a loyal client list of people from all backgrounds and professions. Angie has also worked in wardrobe on local and national tv commercials and has started a visual merchandising branch of AHStyle, providing styling and merchandising expertise to Michigan retailers. www.AngelaHarrisonStyle.com • Instagram: @_ahstyle • Facebook: www.facebook.com/AngelaHarrisonStyle

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FOR PERSONAL & PLANETARY THRIVING

The “F -Word” That Is Key to Healing

by Morella Devost, EdM, MA

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or many years in my life, looking in the mirror was painful. I hated what I saw. There were many days I felt ashamed to leave my house looking the way I did. I used to have massive cystic acne. Last month in this column, I wrote about the healing of my acne and how I realized my physical health was intrinsically connected to the health of our planet. I talked about the three-day juicing detox that opened my eyes, how I systematically “detoxified” my home after that, and the extraordinary improvements I saw in my health as a result. But what I didn’t share with you was the most important pivotal moment in my healing journey. And it has nothing to do with food or chemical toxins. It’s about the “F-word.” This is the most important word any of us can come to apply, and I want to share with you why it was critical for my healing. It’s something nobody talks about. Not your doctor. Not your nutritionist. Not your fitness guru. In fact, in a world where we’re programmed to look outside ourselves for both the cause and the solution to everything, the “F-word” often feels foreign and irrelevant. That “F-word” is forgiveness. Why forgiveness for healing, you ask? I can imagine you telling me forgiveness is totally unrelated to your health and almost every problem you have in life. What could forgiveness possibly have to do with healing? Photo by Artem Kovalev

Let me tell you my story.

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look at my whole face and say “I love my skin” without feeling like a fraud. As I practiced this little affirmation, my attitude towards my skin began to shift. I started to take on a more loving approach to it rather than doing battle with it. But the biggest shift was yet to come. In October 2007, I spent nearly a month in Arizona attending several events. One of them was a week-long retreat with one of my dearest teachers and shamans, Anahata, Dancing Butterfly. At that retreat, she walked us through a writing exercise that made me focus on a traumatic event I had experienced in college. The day I took this picture, I had an extraordinary epiphany. That day, I realized how much I had been hating my skin, and that my actions toward it were anything but loving. (If you’ve ever had acne, you know about the incessant picking and squeezing you do to your skin in the bizarre delusion that you’re helping it.) But that day, after over a decade of fighting my acne, a new thought crossed my mind. It went something like this: “I’m waiting to have clear skin in order to love it, but my skin will never heal if I hate it. I have to love it first.” Because I’m a counselor, I sat down to journal about this thought. I began to realize that the feelings of self-hatred and shame I felt when I looked in the mirror were likely not because of the acne; maybe it was the other way around. Maybe, just maybe, the terrible feelings were not only keeping the acne in place, but might also be the cause of it. From that day, I started looking at myself very closeup against the mirror in order to focus on a tiny patch of skin on my cheekbone that was always clear. I would caress it and say, “I love my beautiful rose-petal skin.” And as I did, I focused on feelings of love for that tiny patch. I did that as a way to genuinely feel love for that little patch of rosy skin, because I could not 26 | The Brick Magazine

You see, I was date-raped when I was 20 years old. It had not escaped me over the years that my acne began after the event. I had never had acne in my teens. And even though I had this awareness, I didn’t know what to do with it. I had already been to counseling. I’d written an angry letter and burnt it. I’d been able to name the event and be clear about what happened but I had not healed, not emotionally nor physically; I didn’t know what else I needed to do. That writing exercise at the retreat in Sedona turned my point of view around. I shifted from being the victim of the events (and of my skin) to reclaiming my power to create healing for myself.

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It was the first, essential step in being able to forgive myself for getting into the situation in which I was assaulted. And it was the first step in being able to feel pity for the guy who did it. Over the next few weeks and months, I was able to complete a process of forgiveness where I could see the entire event and situation from a different perspective. I was able to reclaim my ability to feel peace, joy, and compassion. I felt whole again. I was able to see through his woundedness. I realized that only someone who has been hurt and become deeply insecure would do what he did. He was “the popular guy” who everybody loved in college. He was charismatic and charming. He was a delight to be around. But clearly, he didn’t have the self-love, confidence, or self-respect to be an honorable, gallant man. He did the sleazy thing when I was inebriated. When I was finally able to choose forgiveness and true compassion, I felt as though I’d been exorcised.

The acne never came back. That was the critical moment. My acne had improved with all of my healthy food choices and detoxification of my home. But when I took that picture in April 2007, I’d already been doing juicing, liver-flushes, and eliminating chemicals from my home. Come December that year, just two months after the Arizona retreat, I had perfectly clear skin. Forgiveness was the key ingredient. Morella Devost facilitates profound transformation for people who want to thrive in every aspect of life. After receiving two masters degrees in counseling from Columbia University, she also became a Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP facilitator, and Holistic Health Coach. Morella is a VenezuelanVermonter who works with people all over the world from her beautiful office in Burlington, Vermont. http://thrivewithmorella.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ThriveWithMorella

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CITY OF YPSILANTI, MI BECOMES LIFETIME LICENSEE OF THE FILM

Walking While Black: L.O.V.E. Is The Answer

The National Association of African Americans in Human Resources brokers a deal for the city to take the unique step of being fully proactive in a comprehensive effort to improve relations between police and people of color 28 | The Brick Magazine

ess than a year ago, the National Association of African Americans in Human Resources (NAAAHR) Chairman Nat Alston signed an agreement for his organization to become a National Strategic Partner with the L.O.V.E. Is The Answer Movement, and moved quickly to license the film WALKING WHILE BLACK: L.O.V.E. Is The Answer for use at community events in Ypsilanti, MI. After a half-dozen community screenings attended by city leaders, peace officers, clergy, students, and others, the NAAAHR leader brokered a deal for the City of Ypsilanti to become the first city in America to acquire a Lifetime License to use the film city-wide in an effort to put the film’s L.O.V.E. Is The Answer principles into action. The lifetime licensing agreement was signed on Thursday, December 20, 2018 at 6:00 p.m. at the Mt. Olive Church of God in Christ in Ypsilanti. “This is a unique arrangement in that this is the first time that a city government has made a commitment to engage virtually all of its departments for a 360-degree solution to improving police-community relations,” said film Director & Producer A.J. Ali. “We’re excited about it because we know the value of having various entities focused on the same goal rather than operating in separate silos with different agendas. I think we’re going to see some extraordinary partnerships and wonderful relationships built between police and community in Ypsilanti as a result of the city’s commitment.”

bridging the historically painful gap between law enforcement and the Black community. The L.O.V.E. acronym stands for LEARN about the community you serve, OPEN your heart to the people in it, VOLUNTEER yourself to be part of the solution in their lives, and EMPOWER others to do the same. More than 25,000 people have viewed the film at screenings in more than 20 states since the film’s world premiere in 2017. The filmmakers have plans to show the film to more than 100,000 people in all 50 states in 2019 and have introduced workshops and conferences to engage individuals and communities on a deeper level of learning about how to love your neighbor. Join the L.O.V.E. Is The Answer Movement at www.LOVEIsTheAnswerMovement.com. See the film that inspired the movement at www.walkingwhileblackthemovie.com.

Lois E. Allen-Richardson, Ypsilanti City Mayor Pro-tem, had this to say: “The film WALKING WHILE BLACK is a must-see documentary for anyone who is truly interested in good community-police relations. I have viewed this film the nine times it has shown in Ypsilanti, and have learned something each and every time.” NAAAHR exists to provide a unique global forum for the career development of Black and African American human resources professionals. The Association’s social media community is made up of a collection of over 15,000 HR members and affiliates, and operates more than 25 chapters and interest groups throughout the nation. Visit NAAAHR at www.naaahr.org. The L.O.V.E. Is The Answer Movement was birthed by the documentary film “WALKING WHILE BLACK: L.O.V.E. Is The Answer,” a socially-conscious film February 2019 | 29

Low and Slow: A Secret Weapon

by Jillian Fraioli

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f you’ve read any of my past articles, you’ll know that my “secret ingredients” are fish sauce and miso paste. Those items add umami, which I believe is key to amping up all of your endeavors in the kitchen. Everyone has a different idea of a “secret ingredient.” A good example is Samin Nosrat’s Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat, where she demonstrates how those four elements, or “secret ingredients” if you will, are the key to consistently better cooking. Salt brings out deeper flavors. Fat helps us achieve texture. Acid balances that flavor. And heat transforms our food. What you might not realize is that she is also teaching you techniques. (If you haven’t seen her show, I cannot recommend a viewing more. I’m thrilled I can easily find myself in the company of good chefs via Netflix these days!). I personally believe that the right technique for the item you’ve chosen to cook is the real “secret” to good food. The TV chefs I grew up with — Julia Child, Jacques Pepin, and Martin Yan — were all about teaching us the techniques of good cooking, especially my darling Julia. She brought French cooking to millions of Americans, and through the magic of television, increased our knowledge and skills. And it’s what I love most about food writing — shared universal knowledge only makes us all better when it comes to the kitchen. This month, I am sharing one of my absolute favorite techniques, especially if you’re entertaining: the “low and slow.” It’s my dinner party secret weapon. My friends joke that I roast everything. There’s probably truth to that! You can use this method for almost anything: vegetables, chicken, short ribs, brisket, to name only a few. With Valentine’s Day looming, my suggestion is take the easy path and use your oven. Bonus if you’re living somewhere cold — you get to have residual heat all day long! The pork shoulder is typically one of the most inexpensive cuts of meat. It’s a tough cut, so you have to treat it right to render the fat and not have it be chewy. I’ve braised it, I’ve pressure cooked it, I’ve smoked it, but I find it’s best when rubbed or salt-cured and cooked at a low temperature over several hours. It’s incredibly impressive to pull a roast out of the oven after six hours; it becomes slightly crispy on the outside, but it’s falling apart on the inside. I find myself making David Chang’s version of Bo Saam from Momofuku more and more these days. It’s also easy, like my recipe below, and yields consistent results. I encourage you to try it as well. You take sugar and salt, rub it on a six-pound roast, and leave it in the oven. It is nothing short of miraculous. You can access the full recipe at the “Cooking with the New York Times” website. I’ve been making this month’s recipe for years — and it’s what we’ll be cooking this Valentine’s Day. On the side, we serve a big batch of baked polenta and roasted radicchio, or some other sort of bitter green. You can even do a huge salad of the more bitter lettuces like arugula, endive, and baby kale. The creaminess of the polenta and the bitterness of the greens balance the flavors and fattiness of the pork. It’s truly a spectacular meal for your crew.

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Low and Slow Pork Roast Serves 8 Pre-prep time: Overnight • Prep time: 10 minutes • Cooking time: 5-6 hours

Ingredients: •

1 bone-in pork shoulder, 5-6 pounds (aka Boston butt; you can use boneless, but we prefer the bone-in, and then use that for stock)

In the morning, pull the pork out and let it rest at room temperature for 45-60 minutes while the oven preheats to 300 degrees.

•

1/3 cup Kosher salt

•

4 TBSP coarse ground black pepper

•

6 garlic cloves, cut in half lengthwise

•

1/2 cup Dijon mustard

•

1/2 cup finely-chopped fine herbs: thyme, flatleaf parsley, chives, and tarragon (if you cannot find fresh, you can use 1/4 cup dried fine herbs, or some sort of herb mix you like, like herbs de Provence, or my current favorite this winter, Penzy’s Spices “Sunny Paris”)

Meanwhile, mix the mustard and herbs in a small bowl. If you have a roasting pan with a rack, you can place the pork on the rack, and then really work the herb and mustard mix into the pork before putting it in the oven. If you do not have a rack, I find that there’s no issue cooking the shoulder right in a cast iron enamel pan or casserole dish.

Directions: The night before, stud your pork shoulder with garlic and rub it with salt and pepper. It might seem like a lot of salt, but don’t worry, you’re “dry curing” the meat here, and a lot of that will run off in juices. To stud the pork, stick a paring knife in random places all around the shoulder, keeping the tip in, and sliding the garlic into the meat. Once you pop it in, the meat will close around the garlic, keeping it encased. Place the pork in a rimmed baking tray or deep casserole dish. It will put off some water overnight, so don’t put it on a plate! Rub the salt and pepper all over the surface, cover with plastic, and let it hang out in the fridge.

Then you walk away. It’s really that easy. Baste the pork every hour or so, and peek at it. If it browns too quickly, you can tent the pork shoulder with foil. The pork will be well-browned, and very, very tender. This takes about 5-6 hours. The beauty is that you can entertain and do all the other things you need to have done for dinner while the magic happens in the oven. Let the pork rest outside of the oven at least 10 minutes before serving. This is not a “cut and serve” situation, as the pork will now pull apart easily. We tend to serve it all family style, but if you want to plate it, pull the meat apart in strips and serve it atop the creamy polenta with the greens on the side. Note: leftovers freeze beautifully and do well in soups, breakfast egg dishes, sandwiches, and even tacos or burritos!

Jillian moonlights in her own kitchen as Executive Chef. She comes from a long line of at-home chefs, making Sunday sauce and homemade pasta as soon as she was knee-high with Grandma Fraioli. Jillian used to work at such illustrious restaurants such as Emeril’s Fish House in Las Vegas (where she was a Pastry Chef), and both in the front and back of the house of Serafina and Tango in Seattle. She ended her career in restaurants many lives ago, and now supports women-owned businesses. You can follow along with her cats and knitting (and sometimes food), if that’s your jam, on Instagram @yarnologie.

February 2019 | 33

The New ‘Secret Sauce’ of Essential Oils

by Lisa Profera MD

hat’s new and exciting in the world of essential oils? Well, meet the new kid on the block, Yarrow/Pom. This new blend by doTERRA has everyone excited; it supports our internal and external health in so many wonderful ways. By combining essential oils derived from the flowers, leaves, and stems of yarrow with pomegranate seed

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extract, a powerful botanical “dynamic duo” has been created. Why is this so special? Yarrow (Achilles millefolium), also known as soldier’s woundwort, has been used for centuries by many cultures for its medicinal and wound-healing effects. It is named after Achilles, who was known for carrying it with him to treat battle wounds. It has been used by many other cultures in

“Yarrow/Pom is an expertly crafted proprietary blend of Yarrow essential oil and cold-pressed Pomegranate seed oil designed to be your go-to for a true inside-out approach to aging, vitality, overall wellness, and, quite frankly, how to get that glow. This synergistic and first-of-its-kind blend naturally up-regulates the body’s protective transcription factors while activating skin-protecting proteins (inhibiting the enzymes that breakdown elasticity and collagen) with the added benefit of promoting collagen production” — doTERRA Europe and China throughout history. Native Americans used it for headaches, toothaches, earaches, and fever reduction. Today, yarrow can be found in cosmetics, perfumes, and shampoos. Herbalists use yarrow for stomach cramps, digestive issues, gingivitis, environmental allergies, and also as an anti-microbial agent. It is extremely important to make sure that the yarrow you use is safe for internal use and is free of the potentially harmful terpene, thujone. Thujone, in high doses, can cause muscle spasms and convulsions. It’s important to know your sourcing and purity standards. I only trust Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade oils (CPTG®). It took the doTERRA sourcing team three years to find a thujone-free sustainable source of yarrow. Due to its beta-caryophyllene content, yarrow promotes homeostasis by binding to CB-2 receptors (just like copaiba oil and cannabidiol). It also provides neurologic and immune support. The chamazulene in yarrow is responsible for its striking deep blue color while soothing skin, body, and mind. Of course, you should use yarrow with caution. Pregnant women or breastfeeding moms should consult with their doctor. Since it contains salicylic acid (like aspirin), it may prolong bleeding time. Obviously, avoid use if allergic to yarrow. Skin photosensitivity can also occur with prolonged use. Extraction of the oil from pomegranate seeds yields nutritional benefits by providing beneficial fatty acids that are not commonly found in our regular diets. Punicic acid, a rare source of conjugated linoleic acid, is an Omega-5 fatty acid. Omega-5 fatty acids are very potent antioxidants (much stronger than Omega-3s, Vitamin C, and Vitamin E). Punicic acid blocks the production of inflammatory prostaglandins and leukotrienes that cause disease. Just like aspirin, it acts like a non-steroidal antiinflammatory agent, but without the GI side effects. It’s a major regulator of lipid metabolism and can help maintain cholesterol levels in the normal range; it can also stimulate ketogenesis and help reduce the amount of fat stored in our bodies. Punicic acid regulates transport of glucose across cell membranes, supporting blood sugar balance. It helps with repair of damaged cells throughout

the body, especially in the skin. By supporting cellular health, it significantly contributes to cellular rejuvenation and regeneration. Our skin is our first defense from environmental insults such as UV radiation, pollution, and toxins, which significantly contribute to external aging. Punicic acid helps with sun damage and offers protection from UV rays. It also promotes healthy collagen and elastin formation while reducing its degradation. The appearance of fine lines, wrinkles, and crepey skin is reduced while luminosity is restored. In addition, pomegranate seed oil contains a natural phytoestrogen, which can help with hormone imbalances in both men and women. I am excited to have Yarrow/Pom in my medical “toolbox” so to speak. Yarrow/Pom is great for lymphatic drainage and detoxification. It is starting to be used in facials and lymphatic massage in a few top spas. Its potential for external skin health and rejuvenation is complimented by its ability to support our internal health through its potent anti-oxidant and anti-inflammatory effects, its support of healthy neurotransmitter balance, its effects on healthy lipid levels, and its action to reduce body fat storage. Along with a healthy diet and exercise, it may even help you fit into your skinny jeans! This is truly an innovative product. The combination of yarrow and pomegranate seed oil is something that has never been done before. It is the latest buzz in the essential oil world. This botanical powerhouse could possibly be the new “secret sauce” to health. Lisa is a doTERRA Wellness Advocate and Educator Contact me if you are interested in learning more or if you would like to get some Yarrow/Pom for yourself. (I do not recommend buying on Amazon or eBay as these products are often adulterated or contaminated by third party sellers). You can also request the “Skinny Jeans” recipe from Dr. Lisa : drprofera@gmail.com Follow Dr. Lisa on Facebook by searching for Dr. Lisa’s Essential Oils Forum or on Instagram as youressentialoilsdoctor.

February 2019 | 35

Simple Manners Can Make for a More Civil Society

by Marilyn A. Pellini 36 | The Brick Magazine

s I was about to pay my check at the local sandwich shop, two teenage boys joined me at the register. They looked fairly affluent, dressed in Under Armour from head to toe. They were definitely not thugs. Suddenly I felt a bump on my shoulder, and an arm shot directly in front of my face, and I was forced to jump back a little. One of the boys reached across for a menu. Not a word of apology was uttered, and I have to admit I was rather annoyed since I am a senior citizen and not always that steady on my feet. I thought about speaking to him, but what could I really say except to tell him he owed me an apology? Perhaps he hadn’t noticed bumping me, as he was busy chatting with his friend. I began to excuse his rude behavior. The clerk had taken my check and laid it on the register while I fished the money out of my wallet. That same moment the young boy tried to hand the cashier his check and money. The gal behind the counter said, “I’ll be with you as soon as I finish with this customer.” He did not apologize to her either. What has happened to simple manners and common courtesy in our society? Are people just too rushed and busy to say “please” or “sorry?” Is it that they just don’t know manners because they have not been taught them? I for one hope that is not the case. As a former teacher, I insisted on children using manners in the classroom with me and with each other. To foster this schoolwide, I suggested to my principal that we do a “Manner of the Day.” Since the aides often patrolled the halls, they were bound to see a student or two illustrating that particular manner. That child would then be invited to pick a little prize from a treasure chest kept in the main office. Couldn’t be simpler to execute, I thought, and I even volunteered to write up a manner of the day every day of the school year. I was bold enough to tell this gentleman, who cloistered himself in his office, that I could come up with enough “common manners” that I would not often have to repeat. As our little school only went from kindergarten through third grade, how hard could that be? The principal, however, felt there was no need for this, as the children were already mannerly. Of course I thanked him and retreated, but I couldn’t help thinking to myself, “I wonder what planet he’s living on?” As I entered the bank the other day, a young man stood back and held the door open for me, and I was truly surprised at his kindness. A lovely conversation ensued with me thanking him profusely and telling him his mom and grandmother would surely be proud of him, and we both laughed. Upon exiting the bank at the same time, we turned and gave a little wave to one another. I know he

made my day, and I hope in some measure I made his. We entered as two strangers, but almost left as friends. When I was growing up in Providence, R.I., a local TV station sponsored a contest called “The Courtesy of the Road Award.” Station WPRO had spotters out, and if you were observed doing something kind for another driver, you were awarded two free tickets to the local movie theater. The station kept this going for a number of years, and people got into the habit of allowing another car to enter in front of them, or letting someone cross the street even if it was in the middle of the block. If you saw someone doing something courteous on the road, one of the people in your car would always pipe up with, “Bet he’s bucking for the ‘Courtesy of the Road Award.’” Years after the give-away stopped, people remained concerned drivers as they had gotten into the habit of thinking of the other guy first. One year, after I had transferred to teach at the local middle school, I broke a bone in my foot. Crutches had me mystified; I just could not get the hang of using them. Consequently, I had to get to school very early with my trusty cane, so I could get myself into the school building without the kids rushing past. One day I arrived a little later than usual, just as the busses were unloading. A tall ninth-grade student came up and offered his arm. I was totally enchanted with such a gallant gesture. I knew that this student had just received his Eagle Scout Badge. He certainly made an uncomfortable situation into a real plus. Since he was dressed in his uniform for “Scouts Day,” none of the other kids dared to make fun of him, and I was most appreciative of the assistance. We talk a great deal about wanting a kinder and gentler society, one where people are not angry about politics all the time and keep bringing up all that is negative in the world and in life. Does that just happen or go in cycles? No, I think if we could return to one basic ingredient in life, “manners,” we could form a lasting and meaningful bond with our fellow man, and there would be a lot more joy and smiles going around the planet. Marilyn Pellini is the author of a new book, Dear Al, A Widow’s Struggles and Remembrances. She has also had pieces in the magazines Bay State Parent, Westchester Parent, and On The Water. This year, she took first place in a writing contest sponsored by The N.Y. State Federation of Women’s Clubs. She is a native of Providence, R.I. and attended the University of Rhode Island. She currently lives in Katonah, N.Y.

February 2019 | 37

Dancing with Longings “In the lover’s heart is a flute which plays the melody of longing.”

~ Rumi

by Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC

Photo by Javier Allegue-Barros

38 | The Brick Magazine

“There are lovers content with longing. I am not one of them.” ~ Rumi

ere we are in February, the month that somehow got dedicated to love and the celebration of Valentine’s Day. For so many, though, this holiday brings with it a heightened sense of longing — an aching heart, you might say — for a lover, partner, or the bettering of a relationship one is already in. Often, longings such as these are equated with emotional pain, frustration, despair, or unrequited desires. Longings, of any kind really, can leave us mired in feelings of lack, disappointment, or inadequacy. To long for something or someone can seem like pure emotional torture. Yet I’m here to let you in on a little secret about your longings. A secret that, if heeded, could actually transform your life! Here it is: treasure those longings, for they hold the key that will allow you to reclaim your life force and full spirit! Rather than let your longings haunt and torment you, I recommend you invite yourself to open further into these desires. By this I mean you must really acknowledge and then contemplate, with wide-eyed wonderment and generosity, that which you want, yet do not have. Create a space in your mind and heart that is available, really available, to ponder, fully explore, maybe even court (if you will) your longings. Appreciating them as containers of vital information, what might you discover? Your longings are always going to be beckoning you to move toward something. Yet you are left yearning, and feeling incomplete. We yearn deeply when we are not quite ready to receive, or when we are somehow, someway denying ourselves the steps we need to take to embrace the glorious having of something.

To transform a longing into a fulfilled desire, it helps to first understand that you will experience a force or pull of yearning when you are seeking, consciously or subconsciously, to break free of old self constructs, constrictions, or ways of being. Do not deny the pull! Intense longings signify that you are ready to step into a more expansive version of yourself! So to fulfill a longing, you must first dance with it! Even if the longing is an unhealthy one, you can use it to point you in the direction of something better. You must believe that well-being abounds. You must then attune to the highest, best, most brilliant version of yourself. Feel into the vibration of your very best self. From this vista, take concrete steps in the direction of your desire. Be fiercely devoted to the task of satisfying it. Let this devotion and commitment to the transformation of your old self into a more vital, new self carry you forward. Watch as you experience moments of synchronicity when you open to the alchemy of changing older parts of yourself into nuggets of golden newness. Before you know it, it will be time to celebrate how, by honoring your longings, you have newly encountered your soaring self. Now, is that not true love in this month of love? Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC is a certified Life Coach in Ann Arbor, MI who loves empowering adolescents, adults, and couples to live from the HEART of what really matters to them so that they can bring their fully expressed, vibrant selves into the world. She has a special gift for helping women reclaim their feminine power, and embrace their radiant, sensual, sexy spirits. Their lives transform. They soar into their mid-life magnificence! LifeEmpowermentCoaching.com Complimentary First Session 734.717.7532

February 2019 | 39

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A New Year’s Promise for Her Daughter

by Pat Pancioli

n Tuesday afternoons, strollers and car seats line the halls of the one-story office building. Inside the conference room, mothers and their babies meet for the free MomShare drop-in group. They’ve come to connect, learn, and share at this program in the Women’s Center of Southeastern Michigan. Alice Liao, the Center’s Communications Coordinator, and her oneyear old daughter join them. This is a place Alice never expected to be. Born in a country half a world away, where boys were prized over girls, she had many plans for her life, but being a parent was not among them. Her journey of self-discovery and confidence in her worth has taken unexpected twists and turns and a lot of courage. Hsaio-Wei (Alice’s Chinese name, which means “SunriseRose”) emigrated from Taiwan at age twelve. In the patriarchal culture of her birth, she learned that “daughters are the ones you give away.” She came to Michigan

with her father, an engineer, and her older brother while her mother stayed behind awaiting a visa. There was considerable debate in the family about allowing Alice to come to a culture viewed as nontraditional. But even as a pre-teen, Alice recognized she wanted to have the same opportunities as her brother. Her father became her ally and fought for her to come despite her mother’s reservations. Alice came with no English skills, immediately entering the seventh grade. It was a tough transition. “In Taiwan, I was a normal kid with lots of friends. I went from that to being very alone,” she remembers. If there was an upside, it was that the experience made her closer to her brother. As latchkey kids, they had to rely on one another. But there were plenty of negatives, including struggling with the language and being bullied by “mean girls.” She told no one of the cruelty of her peers, not even her dad or her

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Alice applied to a dozen universities and was accepted by most. However, she knew there was a narrow range of college majors that her parents would find acceptable. Her grades were good, but not in the pre-med classes which were needed for her chosen profession. Convinced that she must follow the approved blueprint for her future, she struggled through three years. She ultimately graduated with a major in Asian cultures and languages and a minor in global change.

teachers. “I didn’t really have the words to explain it,” she recalls. But because she had lobbied hard to come to the States and didn’t want to fail, she figured she had to stick it out. So she did. She found community in the kickboxing classes she took while her brother studied martial arts, but this ended when her mother decided it was not a ladylike pursuit. By high school, there were a few friends, mostly girls of Asian descent with whom there was some shared culture. She did well at school, where sometimes getting the gist of a subject was enough.

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After a stint in the family business, she took a breather to work as a barista in Ann Arbor where one of her regulars was a professor in the U of M School of Social Work. She entered the program and focused on community organizing, preparing to work internationally. Following a short time at a Detroit agency, she began volunteering at the Women’s Center and soon was invited to join the staff to manage social media, community outreach, and fund development. She came to believe that it was more effective for her to be part of the community she was working to improve rather than being an outsider who imposed solutions in other nations. Alice feels fortunate to have a spouse who understands her job because he is also a social worker. He and Alice alternate childcare so she can work afternoons and evenings. In addition to daily Facebook and Instagram posts, Alice sends regular newsletters to the Center’s supporters, gives tours of the agency, mentors

all the messages I got as a child.” Her daughter, a regular visitor to the Center, is truly being raised by a village of honorary aunts and grandmothers. Alice is doing work that she loves and in which she excels. She is determined that her daughter will be raised knowing she is “wonderful, amazing, strong, and powerful from the start.” This is one promise Alice fully intends to keep.

undergraduate interns from Eastern Michigan University and the University of Michigan, and acts as liaison with student organizations, local businesses, corporations, and partner agencies. Alice now feels a seamless connection between her life experience and her chosen work. “How do we build up our confidence so we can see our own worth without needing someone else to affirm it for us?” She asks. “When women believe in themselves, life is just easier. We’re rarely the main character in our own story, so that’s what we teach women here at the Women’s Center. It’s so important to claim control of our lives. And when we do give ourselves up, we need to know we’re doing it, like being okay with the choices of giving up things as a mother.” Alice feels like having a daughter has brought her fullcircle. “It’s been a really long journey to be a strong and fierce woman — years of work in adulthood to unhear

The Women’s Center of Southeastern Michigan is a community nonprofit that provides financially accessible counseling, education, and advocacy. With services uniquely designed to help women in transition, the Center’s programs promote self-determination by building confidence, strengthening connections, and creating positive change. The Center serves clients who have insurance as well as those who don’t, who pay on a sliding fee scale. The Center offers a safe and welcoming place for those who are in need of emotional support, are in transition because of a career change, divorce, or loss of a partner, or concerned about financial security. Programs include individual counseling, job coaching, support for new moms, women-only divorce groups, financial and family law education. Call them at 734.973.6779 or visit womenscentersemi.org. The Women’s Center of Southeastern Michigan is located on Ann Arbor’s west side at 510 S. Maple Road, and welcomes women, men, and gender-fluid individuals from Washtenaw, Wayne, Jackson, Lenawee, Monroe, and Oakland counties. The Women’s Center will host its annual Swing into Spring event on Friday, May 10, 2019 at the Kensington Hotel in Ann Arbor. The community is invited for a fabulous evening of live music, dinner, auctions, wine, and jewelry pulls. Always a fun and lively event, it’s perfect for honoring the women in your life on Mother’s Day weekend!

February 2019 | 43

Welcome to Booze 101 with

Liz

The Secret Ingredient Hangover Cure

by Liz Crowe

44 | The Brick Magazine

nce upon a time I used to be able to drink my body weight in cheap beer and booze, sleep a few hours, and wake up the next day ready to tackle the world. This was in a magical land called “College,” during which time I could also fast for twenty-four hours and drop a dress size. Ah…youth. In this land, all that was required after a particularly fun night of said cheap alcohol consumption was a liter of water and something with plenty of carbs to soak up the residual booze in my system — like a stack of pancakes, say, or a greasy cheeseburger. Of course, once I left this sparkly world of classes, parties, and parental support and tried to function on my own, I was armed only with a Bachelor of Arts in English Lit and a metabolism that was depleting as rapidly as my bank account. In this Brave New World of Independence, the booze was still by necessity cheap,

Photo by Zohre Nemati

but that whole get-up-every-morning-at-six-and-befully-functioning-in-order-to-earn-paycheck thing was a real shocker. It was no longer wise to party on a random Wednesday night and expect to sleep until ten, at which time the official hangover avoidance program would kick in (see above: carbs and water). But what I didn’t quite grasp yet was the fact that, as I advanced further into the Overrated Thing that is Adult Life, my super perfect, secret sauce hangover cure no longer worked. I’m sure you’ve heard your fair share of sure-fire, doublesecret hangover cures. There’s a new book devoted to one man’s quest to try them all and how that goes (Hungover, by Shaughnessy Bishop-Stall — it’s a hoot. I highly recommend it). There are many websites promising a guaranteed cure, most of them promoting various forms of snake-oil in exchange for your hard-earned dollar. February 2019 | 45

Let’s review some basics. First, “hair of the dog” — that tried-and-supposedly-true method of pouring more booze down your throat in order to stay inebriated and hence, skip the hangover. Because this is a serious column designed to provide you with serious answers, I looked into the etymology of this phrase. It’s short for (as you might already suspect) “hair of the dog that bit you.” Sort of an odd thing to say to someone suffering from the sort of vise-grip headache and icky-stomach that makes them wish they’d turned down those last two appletinis. The phrase can be traced back as far as ancient Greece (some claim). The Dictionary of Phrase and Fable attributes the quote to the Greek playwright Aristophanes, who might’ve said, “If this dog do you bite, soon as out of your bed, take a hair of the tail the next day.” Apparently it was once believed that if you got bit by a dog with rabies, you could be cured by drinking a potion that contained some of that dog’s hair. This makes about as much sense to us in 2019 as mercury cures, bloodletting, and my personal favorite, using vibrators to cure hysteria (no, really this happened). But beyond all the people dead from rabies and drinking dog hairs, the phrase has come to mean something that, honestly, is just about as effective.

46 | The Brick Magazine

I’ll admit to trying the Bloody Mary cure at times — which leads to the only true secret to “curing” a hangover. But more on that in a moment. During the course of my exhaustive research into this topic, I learned about “congeners.” Congeners are toxic chemical by-products that are formed in small amounts during the process of ethanol fermentation, when sugars are converted into carbon dioxide and alcohol. Different alcoholic beverages contain varying amounts. They are most present in whiskey, cognac, and tequila, with bourbon being the worst. They are less so in gin, rum, and vodka. If you stick to the white liquor (except tequila, which I recommend as a general rule anyway), you might not have as much of a hangover than if you’re pounding out a Don-Draperlevel Old-Fashioned bender. When it comes to beer and wine, there are any number of “wine before beer, you’re in the clear” type of nonsense rules, most of them debunked by actual science. But I have found the following to be true, based on years of personal research. I’m now prepared to pass them on to you, bearing in mind that the only thing to keep you from having a hangover at all is to drink in moderation. And the fact that all of this is just what works for me, and I’ll admit

Photo by Kelsey Chance

awake and aware of your agony. Coffee the night before will simply make you a wide-awake drunk.

to having a higher-than-normal tolerance based on said years of training: •

Never mix large amounts of red and white wine in one evening. I have no idea why this is, but I’m here to tell you, you do this at your own risk.

•

Always keep water handy and consume it while you’re boozing. Yes, you will visit the bathroom more often, but a hangover is 90% dehydration, so why not head that off at the pass?

•

Remember that when you “fall asleep” while you’re legit drunk, you’re really only passing out. Your body is still hard at work, processing the booze you assaulted it with. When you wake up, you’ll still be tired.

•

Only water, sleep, and time cure a hangover, but the greatest of these is time. The longer you can sleep “past” the painful wake-up, the better. But if you have to get up and function at 6:00 a.m., it’s best to plan some quality shut-eye later in the day.

Again, the bottom line: drink in moderation, drink water, don’t ever drink and drive. But most importantly, put a pickle and some bacon in that Bloody Mary the next morning. It might not cure what’s ailing you, but it will make it taste better! Cheers!

•

Start slow, if you can, with something lowoctane, like a beer (lower than 7% ABV). If you’re drinking cocktails, sip, don’t gulp. That booze will hit your brain like a locomotive, which can lead to Bad Decisions, including drinking more and/or consuming three Hot ‘n Readies at midnight.

Amazon best-selling author, mom of three, brewery founder, craft beer marketing consultant, and avid sports fan, Liz Crowe is a Kentucky native and graduate of the University of Louisville currently living in Ann Arbor. She has decades of experience in sales, public relations, and fundraising, plus an eight-year stint as a three-continent, ex-pat trailing spouse, all of which provide ongoing idea fodder for novels and other projects.

•

Carb-loaded food does not help soak up alcohol and cure your hangover. Coffee makes you more wide-

http://www.facebook.com/lizcroweauthor (fan page) http://www.twitter.com/ETLizCrowe

February 2019 | 47

WOMAN ON THE STREET

Wafting

by Stephanie Saline

’m known for a lot of things. Smelling good isn’t one of them. But today, I walked into my favorite café and a well-dressed stranger — a woman, it bears saying — told me as I walked past, “You smell good.”

I sat down at a table, and the woman at the table next to me said, “It’s an odd thing, for a stranger to say you smell good. But you really do. As you sat down, you wafted.” Wafted.

It’s a small place. So upon hearing it, three other women sitting at separate tables took a deep inhale.

48 | The Brick Magazine

I almost kissed her.

I like the idea that a human being moves through the world in an aromatic stew of her own making. A friend of mine recently quoted author and Holocaust survivor Viktor E. Frankl, who said, “The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.” It’s something I’ve heard before, but you know how you hear something at the right time, and something clicks? I had one of those. I’m in a stretch of life where I get to experience a homecoming. It’s a story that’s been in the works for several years now; it begins with my exodus from a place where I felt hopelessly out of place (South Florida, I will not miss you when you slip back into the sea) and stops in the city of my birth and a string of rental homes across the Rust Belt. And as delicious as it is to be in this chapter of nesting, rooting, decorating, and making a home, I’ve lived long enough to know that this, too, shall pass. But in a surprising twist, seeing the impermanence has redoubled the ferocity of my joy and appreciation for what is. This always makes me feel a bit like that scene from Thorton Wilder’s play Our Town, where a recently-dead Emily goes back to her family’s kitchen and watches her people interact in the most banal and quotidian of ways. As I recall, she says something like, “I’m here, mama. Can you see me?” They don’t. I notice that my joy is interwoven with an awareness of its impermanence, its fragility. I ask myself: do I dare? Do I dare feel my gladness in the face of it all? And then I think of the Jack Gilbert poem that writer Elizabeth Gilbert (no relation) liked so much, she tattooed part of it on her arm: We must have the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless furnace of this world. This is what I’m wafting. I love it when people use a precise word without pretension. It sends a zip of joy up my spine. ### Not gonna demure here: I’ve been working on my wafting. On both the physical and metaphorical fronts.

A teacher and advertising writer based in Buffalo, Stephanie Saline spent one decade on adventures in Japan, Seattle, and Montana, and another decade building a popular copywriting business. She now leads writing workshops where women become the hero in the story of their own lives. “We live in a world where we are all heroes now – and that’s a great thing.” Find out more about her work at www.stellaorange.com.

February 2019 | 49

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50 | The Brick Magazine

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