The Brick Magazine - July 2021 by The Brick Magazine Ann Arbor

BRICK

THE

JULY 2021

MAGAZINE

ANN ARBOR

BALANCING YOUR HOME FROM STUCK TO UNSTOPPABLE

PLUS! STAYING ACTIVE THROUGH A DIFFICULT DIAGNOSIS

Laura

Jackson

ROLLING THROUGH LIFE FEARLESSLY

S P IN N IN G T H READS I NTO

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THE

BRICK MAGAZINE

CONTENTS

JULY 2021

Publisher • Sarah Whitsett

Managing Editor • Tanja MacKenzie

Art Director • Jennifer Knutson

Copy Editor • Angelina Bielby

Marketing Director • Steve DeBruler

Cover Photographer • Heidi McClelland

Contributors >>

Liz Crowe Tiffany Birch Sara Okin

Marilyn Pellini Lisa Profera

Maria Sylvester Jesaka Webster Marji Wisniewski

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Drinking and Running and Drinking

Rolling Through Life Fearlessly with Laura Jackson

Get Moving!

Staying Active Through a Difficult Diagnosis

Which Wrung on the Corporate Ladder?

Connecting with Your Partner Through Active Dates

Balancing Your Home

From Stuck to Unstoppable

Welcome to Booze 101 with

Liz

Drinking and Running and Drinking by Liz Crowe

Photo by rfstudio

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hate running. If you see me running fast in any direction, you should join me because I’m being chased by bears or aliens, or possibly readers mad at me for killing their favorite character in a book. While I get the appeal (but not really), I simply cannot do it. Even before my body was irrevocably altered by carrying and birthing three increasingly large humans, I didn’t like it. And I do like to exercise. I like bikes, both on the road and the cycling-to-nowhere kind where someone fitter than me hollers at me to “Dig in!” I love boxing, too. I thoroughly enjoy yoga and the HIIT kind of workouts that leave everyone wishing they were anywhere in the world but where they are that moment (see: “Okay, now it’s time for a million burpees!”). Running though? Not a fan. Despite this insistence, I joined a running club a few years ago. The drinking kind, mind you, but a serious running club nonetheless. Beer and running is a thing, as you might imagine, since there are some who claim that drinking a beer after running is better for you than water. This is been mostly debunked, or at least walked back to a more “Well, it’s not worse for you anyways, so why not?” level. Which is not unlike claiming that a salad with bacon, eggs, and heavy dressing is no worse for you than a slice of pepperoni pizza. But for many of the popular beer and running groups, this has been absorbed as gospel. There’s even one — the Fishtown Beer Runners in Philadelphia — that ends all of its group runs with a simple toast “To the professor,” ostensibly to the professor who authored the original beer-is-better-than-water study. I think we can all agree that since the advent of modern civil engineering and water treatment, the whole drinkbooze-not-water movement is defunct. However, that has not stopped groups like those Fishtown people and a whole slew of others from enjoying their beer after a many times long and arduous dash around the city, or the mountains, or the parks, or the lake, or on the beach — you get the idea.

There are locally-based specialized groups like this all over the country with super clever names, rules, traditions, and other nonsense built around the concept of running and then imbibing. The one that has the best name in my opinion is in Chesapeake, Virginia. The Big Ugly Running Posse is a brewery-based group, which works because the brewery’s name is the Big Ugly Brewing Company, and their acronym is (yes) BURP. RunTOBeer is in Toronto, naturally. The Sloppy Moose Running Club is a dog-friendly one in Sacramento, California. The Flying Irish Running Club in Spokane has no real rhyme or reason to their name, other than this claim: “We didn’t invent running, social runs, post-run cold beverages, or even being Irish, but we are the biggest and the best and we Run Spokane.” I don’t know if being Irish is a prerequisite, but a quick look at their massively popular Facebook page indicates it is not. The Big Boss Running Club in Raleigh, North Carolina’s motto is “No pain, no beer,” which makes a lot of sense. The Pioneer Beer Runners, PBR for short, are in Western Massachusetts; they run between local breweries on a regular basis. There really are countless localized ones throughout the US, all with a similar goal: Enjoy the run, then enjoy the brew. There are also more famous ones that are national or even international — some of them serious, some not so much, but all of them made up of hardcore runners and drinkers. The Dirtbag Runners is a national group of the trailrunning, ultra-marathoning mindset who like to camp and run, and seem to be mostly located in places like Yosemite and Reyes Creek. Running for Brews began in Florida in 2010 and has 25 locations today, where they have weekly runs as well as plenty of charity running events and themed runs. The Mikkeller Running Club was founded by Mikkel Borg Bjergsø, creator and owner of Mikkeller, who is a former competitive runner who earned scholarships in the US and set some Danish track records. In case you don’t know, Mikkeller is a brewery that started in Denmark that now has 20-some locations all over the world. And they have a running club because as we all know, the Vikings loved running. “But Liz,” you ask, “what fun club is nearby that I can join to run and quaff?”

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Photo by rfstudio

That’s easy. We have an active chapter of one of the most well-known groups: the Hash House Harriers. Founded in 1938, the Hash House Harriers claim to be the oldest “drinking group with a running problem” as well as the largest non-competitive running group in the world. The traditions surrounding it are, in a word, complex. In several words, it can be intimidating. But the folks I met while participating every now and again were some of the most fun people I’ve ever met. They are, for the most part, big-time runners. Many of them are ultra-marathoners, ex-military, or other super-fit types. And when I say they can put away some booze, I mean it in the most earnest possible way.

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The name, as well as the verb that they created called “hashing,” is said to come from a particular race that British soldiers and other expats would do while in Malaysia in the 1930s called “hare and hounds,” where runners pretended to chase a rabbit and then had booze and cigarettes when they were finished. The original Hash House was an actual place, the Selangor Club Annex in the then Federated States of Malaysia, and it got its name from the term “hash,” which was British slang for “bad food.” Here's how a hash works: A group of runners (a.k.a. pack of hounds) looks for clues (dashes of flour or chalk marks) on the ground to indicate the correct path. These clues are

left by designated runners called hares. Here's the thing though: There are also misleading signs that lead to a dead end. In other words, nobody knows where the trail goes and someone will get lost at some point, especially because there are typically adult beverages pre-hash, at the halfway point, and post-hash, where you sing songs from your hash hymnal that you most definitely would not want your kids to hear (oh, did I mention that this is truly an adults-only club? Leave the kiddos behind when you hash, lest you be stuck explaining why the leader of your group only answers to the name Wet Spot or Scottish Fingercuffs). The number of things I learned (and the people I met) during my brief but wholly entertaining time with the local group — all the songs, hash names (that must be earned), directional signs on the trail, and other stuff — would fill a book. Suffice it to say, there is a distinct edge of naughtiness to the names and songs and general attitude, along with an unrivaled sense of fun at every hash. If you are a runner at any level, or a walker, or someone who’d love to find a group of like-minded folks who take their drinking as seriously as their running, and if you’re

not averse to being labeled “just (your name)” while you’re a hash virgin and until your name is proposed a few hashes in — usually after you do something so monumentally stupid or clumsy or embarrassing that your name becomes obvious to everyone — then you should join up. The local one is called the Motown Ann Arbor Hash House Harriers, and details about the next hash can be found here: http://moa2h3.org/. Tell Dave (a.k.a. Semper Pi) that Liz sent you! I’ve now decided to write my next novel about a group of hashers, so I should get to work. Amazon best-selling author, mom of three, brewery founder, craft beer marketing consultant, and avid sports fan, Liz Crowe is a Kentucky native and graduate of the University of Louisville currently living in Ann Arbor. She has decades of experience in sales, public relations, and fundraising, plus an eightyear stint as a three-continent, ex-pat trailing spouse, all of which provide ongoing idea fodder for novels and other projects. www.facebook.com/lizcroweauthor (fan page) www.twitter.com/ETLizCrowe

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Rolling Through Life Fearlessly with Laura Jackson by Marji Wisniewski

Over the last year, I have interviewed many amazing women and shared their stories with you. Interviewing Laura Jackson this month was a special privilege; not only is she strong, confident, and vibrant with magnetic energy, but she’s also my friend and a source of inspiration. Laura is a fierce advocate for disability rights and inclusion for people with all disabilities. She’s a great friend because she really listens and chooses to be present in the moment you are sharing with her. I wish all of you have an opportunity to meet her one day, but if that’s not possible, here is a piece of her positivity. All of the following section headers are quotes from Christopher Reeve.

hinking back to the day of my injury, I remember it all so clearly.

It was May 13th, 2003 — the second day of the Livonia Stevenson High School cheerleading tryouts. I was 14 and just finishing up eighth grade. My sister, Jenna, was the captain of the Junior Varsity team, and we were excited to go to tryouts together. Jenna and I had taken a tumbling class for at least six months to prepare and spent countless hours at home making up routines. At tryouts, the coaches divided us into two groups. Jenna’s group went off to learn a dance and my group went to a room to show off our tumbling skills. Rumor had it that if you could land a back tuck, you were a shoo-in for the team.

I felt confident as I began my back tuck stunt, but quickly realized that something had gone very wrong. I had landed on my head. At first, I thought I had just had the wind knocked out of me. Then I had the sudden frightening realization that I couldn’t breathe or speak. It took the people around me a few minutes to grasp what was happening as I mouthed the words “I can’t breathe.” Jenna had come in from the other room and saw me lying on the ground, turning blue, and unresponsive. She couldn’t imagine what had happened. No one understood the gravity of the situation in those first moments. Although there were coaches on-site trained in CPR, they did not attempt to perform it on me. From what I’ve pieced together, I hadn’t taken a breath in over seven minutes when I was intubated by the EMTs in the gym. July 2021 | 11

me, by the fifth day the doctors decided that they had no other choice but to operate. I made it through the surgery where they performed a spinal fusion using a bone fragment from my hip, placed me in a halo to stabilize my neck, and performed a tracheostomy. I would spend the next seven months at Mott; for the first month in the ICU, I couldn’t speak or eat. The days I spent recovering and learning how to live life in this new body were long and hard. It was a time of learning a strength and resilience that I never knew I had. It’s something you never want to learn, yet I found out what I was made of pretty quickly.

I was taken to St. Mary’s in Livonia, where they quickly airlifted me via Survival Flight helicopter to C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital. What had started out as a common cheer stunt had broken my neck in two places at my C1 and C2 vertebrae. I had instantly become a quadriplegic and would need a ventilator to breathe. The first two days in the hospital were very touch-andgo. Statistically, 95% of people who have the kind of break that I suffered don’t survive the trauma. Usually, immediate surgery is performed on the patient. However, I had so much swelling that they chose to wait. On day two in the hospital, my heart stopped seven times from the swelling at my brain stem. Despite delaying my surgery to stabilize

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With only time on my hands, I asked a lot of questions. The initial question was, “Why me?” I had to go through the process of coming to terms with the fact that some things just happen. Honestly, there were many days I wanted to throw myself a pity party, and I did. But being in the hospital with other children much younger than me, some in much worse situations, really put my life into perspective. It afforded me gratitude for the beautiful life that I had lived for the previous 14 years and the new life that I still had in front of me, however different it was going to be.

“Unconditional love is everything.” I’m the youngest of four girls in my family. At the time of my accident, Stephanie was 19, Crystal was 17, and Jenna was 16. And yes, my parents already had their hands full! The first 14 years of my life were filled with wonderful memories of going on vacations, having lots of friends and family around us at our house, and just being a busy kid. I tried pretty much every sport or activity out there. I loved to stretch myself out of my comfort zone. Right before my accident, I had gone on a two-week vacation Photo by GE Anderson

to Florida and Universal Studios with my best friend. I was living the life! I vividly remember my sisters coming into my hospital room during that first month when I couldn’t speak. I could tell they were angry with me. They had just found all of their favorite clothes that I had taken to Universal. I had hidden the clothes I had “borrowed” in my room so that they wouldn’t notice when I stealthily returned them one by one. However, I ended up in the hospital and couldn’t carry out my plan. By the time they finished yelling at me, I was laughing so hard I was in tears. I knew at that moment that although my body was completely different, I was still Laura, their little sister. Then they blew up two latex gloves and tied them to my halo and made an indecent gesture with them! I love how they were able to bring silliness to a horrible situation. I know that I would not be here without my family, first and foremost. I am blessed to continue to have the support system that I do in my friends, care staff, community, and church. Along my journey I’ve met people with similar injuries to mine who didn’t have the support system I have; unfortunately, they just don’t make it. I was released from the hospital in early December 2003. I was happy to be able to spend Christmas at home. However, I remember crying as I left the bubble of the hospital room. I had lived there for seven months completely relying on and trusting everyone around me to care for me. I was worried and scared when I realized my parents would now have to take over that responsibility. I was like a newborn baby thrown into a whole new life and a whole new body. I had to trust a new set of people to know how to properly care for me. But my family was, and continues to be, amazing.

During the surgery, I was given stem cells in two places on my vertebrae just above and below the site of my injury. After a few days in recovery, I was able to breathe for the first time without the aid of my ventilator for three minutes! That’s when I knew something special had happened. Before the surgery, I had a strap around my forehead to hold my head up in my wheelchair. Postsurgery, I was able to hold my head up by myself, move my head left, right, forward, and backward. I could even shrug my shoulders. This may not sound like much, but for me it was a huge victory. These small movements afforded me so much more freedom. Soon I was using a QuadJoy that allowed me to type on my computer with a straw/joystick tool that I held in my mouth. I puffed my cheeks and sipped to move the cursor and type. I could also text with another tool I put in my mouth that pushed the keys on my phone. With the aid of these new technologies, I finished high school and went on to get my BA and MBA in business with a focus in marketing. I feel so fortunate to have had the ability to go to school. My brain was deprived of oxygen for at least seven minutes after the accident, but miraculously, I did not experience any cognitive loss. I love to learn and never take that for granted.

“Success is finding satisfaction in giving a little more than you take.”

“To be able to feel the lightest touch really is a gift.” About a year after coming home from the hospital, my parents and I decided to go to China for stem cell treatment. It was not a decision we made lightly, and I’m fairly sure the UM doctors didn’t want me to go. But we were determined to go through with it after meeting the surgeon, Dr. Wong, at the DMC Rehabilitation Institute of Michigan. He thought I would be a good candidate for the stem cell procedure. I was in awe when we arrived in Beijing. I spent the first week exploring the city with my parents and our Chinese-speaking nurse. At the hospital, I was surrounded by other patients from all over the world hoping for a successful stem cell surgery. The feeling of hope and anticipation around me was palpable.

July 2021 | 13

Laura was a strong advocate for the stem cell research bill (Proposal 2) in Michigan on the 2008 ballot. Laura worked on the bill from its infancy to its ultimate passing during the 2008 election. The bill allowed for expanded stem cell research in the state of Michigan. This photo was taken when Laura met President Bill Clinton when he visited Michigan to show his support for the bill.

Throughout my journey, I’ve found inspiration and fulfillment in advocating for disability rights and inclusion. One of my goals is to empower those with disabilities by providing resources and opportunities for purposeful employment. I am passionate about transforming the idea of what life can look like for people with disabilities in order for all to be active members of society. One challenge that we face as disabled citizens is that the rules of Medicaid eligibility keep people with disabilities in poverty. Those who desire to work can’t make more than $16,000 a year (which means under $8 an hour for a full-time job). Once you surpass that salary amount, you’re no longer eligible for Medicaid. For me this would mean that I’d lose my 24-hour nursing care, medical supplies, and ventilator support. Basically, I’d lose everything that allows me to be able to work in the first place. I believe employment is so important. I’d like to contribute in a meaningful way to help pay for the services that I receive. But the way that the system is structured makes the reality of holding a full-time job not feasible for me. Another challenge that disabled people face is that we live in a world of able-bodied people. It was not designed for those of us with disabilities. Although I’m

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thankful for the disability rights we do have, they need to not only be protected, but expanded. The disability community is a resilient, vibrant, and determined group, and we’ll continue to work for accessibility and inclusion for all! I hope to use my voice to help be the change that I want to see.

“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles.” The late Christopher Reeve was someone I aspire to be like (which is why each section of this article starts with a quote from him). I admire the path that he paved for bringing awareness to spinal cord injuries. After he broke his neck in a horseback-riding accident in 1995, he lobbied for spinal cord injury research (including stem cell research) and for better insurance coverage for people with disabilities. His advocacy work included leading the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation and co-founding the Reeve-Irvine Research Center. He was one of my first positive influences after my accident. I was fortunate enough to meet him right before he passed away. He showed me it was possible to thrive post-injury, and his attitude toward his new way of life inspired me.

“Once you chose hope, anything is possible.” We all have down days when things don’t go our way. I believe you should allow yourself to feel those sad feelings. I encourage you to reach inside and understand why you’re feeling that way and what it means, and then figure out a path to move forward. Sometimes I tell my family to just give me half an hour to feel down. When I give myself time to process my feelings, I find that I can work through them. After I validate them, I like to focus on the fact that tomorrow will be a better day. On May 13th of every year, my family and I get together to celebrate my second chance at life. Part of the celebration always includes a few tears because even after 18 years, that day is so fresh in our minds. I allow myself to grieve for a moment, but then we party and toast to the new life that I’m blessed to have — a life that has brought struggles, yes, but so much joy too. Every night, I close my eyes and acknowledge the good things that happened during the day. I live a life full of gratitude for everything I still have.

“Your body is not who you are. The mind and spirit transcend the body.” Before I broke my neck, I used to enjoy doing things outside of my comfort zone. For a few years, a friend of mine had tried to persuade me to apply for the Ms. Wheelchair Michigan pageant. Ms. Wheelchair Michigan is not a beauty pageant. It’s an advocacy-based organization and competition that helps disabled women see their potential, share their accomplishments, and use their voice to spark change. In 2019, I decided to finally go for it. It was easy for me to be passionate about the platform I chose, “Move Your Mind.” Through being fearlessly authentic, I was crowned Ms. Wheelchair Michigan 2020 (and also 2021 due to COVID-19). I have found so much joy in visiting classrooms as part of my new responsibilities. I want to share with young kids the message that I wish I’d known at their age — that they are enough just as they are, that we all are worthy of being our authentic selves. I tell them, “I know that I’m weird, and I own that. Find the people who let you be you.” This August, I’ll be participating in the Ms. Wheelchair America competition. The women who’ve held this title in the past have taken the responsibility to educate and advocate for the more than 64 million Americans living with disabilities. As the role requires you to be a well-spoken communicator and spokeswoman, I’ll be interviewed for 15 minutes and will record a two-minute platform speech.

Three key messages from my “Move Your Mind” platform: 1. Keep It Positive — Love Your Life 2. Set Goals — No Goal Is Too Wild 3. Be Fearlessly You! While this is an exciting opportunity, I feel that I’ve already won by forming invaluable friendships with many of the other women in the organization. Through chatting online, we’ve been able to share a bond over things only we understand. Along with my Ms. Wheelchair Michigan duties, I am the Vice President of the Young Professional Board at North Star Reach, a camp for children with serious health challenges. I’ve been a public speaker for them for many years; I love sharing the experiences I myself had at an accessible camp growing up. I love to tell the story of how I was hesitant to leave the comfort and safety of my home after my accident, but after a few days at camp, I found myself riding a horse! It really was a life-changing experience. I also sit on the Board of Directors for Mi Work Matters, a nonprofit on a mission to create, sustain, and advocate for meaningful, inclusive employment opportunities for individuals with different abilities. One of the most rewarding parts of my life has been advocating for others and bringing awareness to challenges that they face. Throughout my journey in life, I’ve leaned on my ability to choose positivity, envision my goals, and be fearless. This foundation I’ve built has allowed me to thrive despite my disability. I know there are many more chapters in my book still to be written. If I could gaze into a crystal ball, I hope to see myself down the road as a life coach, a public speaker, and someone who inspires others to choose joy at every twist and turn. Because life is like one of the awesome rides at Universal — full of ups and downs, laughs and screams, and totally worth the price of admission. With a passion for marketing that started as a young girl, Marji Wisniewski created her own marketing and communications organization in 2017. As owner of Blue Zebra Marketing Solutions, she helps local and regional businesses and non-profits tell their story through branding, graphic design, content creation, and PR, focusing on customized solutions for each client that are more unique than a zebra’s stripes. A Michigan native, Marji received her bachelor's from Western Michigan University and master’s from Wayne State University. When not working you can find her gardening, doing Pilates, listening to podcasts, and spending time with her family and two dogs.

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Get Moving! by Lisa Profera, MD

Photo by Quang Nguyen Vinh

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fter over a year of COVID craziness, people are looking to get back to “normal.” With gyms being closed and people being more sedentary during the pandemic, weight gain is a real thing. Just as people like to joke about the “Freshman Fifteen” during their first year of college, there’s now a similar and less-talked-about phenomenon: “COVID Fat.” As a consequence of stay-at-home orders and less physical activity overall, it’s estimated that the average American gained about two pounds per month of this pandemic. We know that COVID causes more morbidity and mortality in overweight individuals, so one can argue that we as Americans are at higher risk than we were a year ago. A recent article published in the New York Times (March 22, 2021) draws attention to this issue: “We know that weight gain is a public health problem in the US already,” said Dr. Marcus, a cardiologist and professor of medicine at the University of California, San Francisco. “So anything making it worse is definitely concerning, and shelter-inplace orders are so ubiquitous that the sheer number of people affected by this makes it extremely relevant.” Even before the pandemic, the US had some of the highest rates of obese and overweight people in the world. In a recent WebMD poll, more than half (54%) of respondents said that they had gained weight “due to COVID restrictions” curtailing their health routines. People reported that they were exercising less, and 68% admitted that they were snacking more. If you’re wondering where to start, just get out there and get moving. Go for a walk or an easy jog (and maybe take the dog too!), do some yoga or stretching — you only need 30-60 minutes, five to six days a week. As a physician and a scientist, I like to be able to track metrics to see if my fitness training program is actually working. There are many ways that this can be accomplished. Beyond weight measurement and BMI (Body Mass Index), there are tools to more accurately assess body composition, metabolism, and capacity for fat-burning. For some people, diet and food choices can hinder progress. There are many nutritional tools and resources available, from apps to virtual or in-person dietary analysis.

Photo by Noelle Otto

I love to grow my own vegetables and visit our local farmer’s market this time of year. Understanding meal portions and composition can be crucial to success as well. Movement is vital for optimal health. Regular exercise gives you more daytime energy, reduces brain fog, boosts your immune system, and improves sleep. My main motivation for staying active, for instance, is to defy the aging process and be functionally fit for life. If you need help with motivation, nutrition, personalized training, physical challenges, chronic pain, or just finding the right “fit” for your fitness needs, just email me and I’d be happy to point you in the right direction. Now that summer is here, we have many outdoor activity options available as well. I can also put you in touch with excellent movement specialists, yoga instructors, gyms, personal trainers, and more. Help local businesses get back on their feet as you get into a better state of health by making the right move! It’s a win-win for everyone. Owner and Founder of PROJUVU MD; Aesthetics and Lifestyle Medicine in Ann Arbor, MI; Expert Injector, Medical Director; Facial Innovations Medi-spa, Ann Arbor; Medical Director, Northville Beauty Spa; Certified Medical Marijuana Doctor; Certified doTERRA Essential Oils Expert; BEMER Independent Distributor; CrossFit® Level 1 Trainer www.projuvu.com • 1-844-PROJUVU • drprofera@gmail.com www.facebook.com/projuvu/ Request to join my closed FaceBook group, www.instagram.com/youressentialoilsdoctor/

Disclaimer: Please note that the information in this article has been designed to help educate the reader regarding the subject matter covered. This information is provided with the understanding that the author and any other entity referenced here are not liable for the misconception or misuse of the information provided. It is not provided to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, illness, or injured condition of the body. The provider of this information shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity concerning any loss, damage, or injury caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by this information. The information presented is in no way intended as a substitute for medical counseling or care. Anyone suffering from any disease, illness, or injury should consult a qualified healthcare professional. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA.

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Staying Active Through a Difficult Diagnosis by Sarah Okin

n March 13th, 2020, my family of five began sheltering-in-place. My husband and I spent a blissful week juggling our two full-time jobs, raising our three full-time children (ages two, three, and five), and fulfilling our responsibilities as co-owners of two local businesses — all amidst horrendous March Michigan weather. We had similar 18 | The Brick Magazine

Photo by Klaus Nielsen

worries, concerns, and new challenges to most people we know, and we laughed with friends as we talked about how surreal life had become. I found the best outlet for my mental health to be running outside, so I’d bundle up each day and go for my morning 5K while my husband took our crew to walk our dog to the local playground.

Just one week into quarantine, in what felt like a somewhat overdue self-exam due to years of breastfeeding, I discovered a lump in my breast. Despite COVID, it was a clear choice: I had to go to the doctor. After a few visits to the coronavirus-ridden healthcare system to undergo several images and one biopsy, and following two excruciating waiting periods, I was diagnosed with breast cancer (ER+ and HER2+). Thus began my newest career: navigating a cancer diagnosis during the COVID-19 pandemic. Apparently, this type of cancer is considered by the pros to be common and beatable, and I have been quite lucky. Overall, I emphatically do not feel lucky. I did feel lucky when they gave me the excellent news that my lymph nodes appeared normal and clear of cancer. But overall, I do not feel lucky. I’d be well within my rights to choose from a number of injustices to be furious about, in fact; if not about my diagnosis (unfair for anyone), then about my age (I’m only 38) or my bad luck in developing an illness for which my immediate family lacks any history. Not to mention the timing — we were in the middle of a global pandemic with no clear end in sight. And if those injustices aren’t cutting it, try the fact that my daughter and my niece now have a higher risk of developing this themselves. Plus, I started losing my hair just twelve days after my first treatment. The list could go on. But for as long as I can remember, I’ve been an optimist, and an optimist I’ve remained. Long before I was able to define this personality trait, I was “looking on the bright side” of everything. It comes naturally to me: I’ve never had to look hard for the benefits, never struggled to “make lemonade.” This characteristic supported me in the fight of my life, but it also exhausted me. Staying optimistic about the length of treatment (“It’s less than half a pregnancy!”), the timing of surgery (“I’ll be fully back to normal by winter 2021!”), the diagnosis itself (“Totally beatable! I’ll outlive you all!”) and the side effects were nothing short of grueling. Though my optimism flowed naturally during my journey through cancer, it was, for the first time, challenging. I found that my level of physical activity was directly correlated to my ability to find silver linings. I knew that remaining as active as my normal, healthy body was used to would not be sustainable as the weeks progressed, so I worked very hard to keep my physical activity levels as high as possible. I knocked out four 5Ks, including one socially-distanced race, between chemotherapy and immunotherapy IV treatments one and two, and clocked countless miles walking with my kids and dog.

Every three weeks for fifteen weeks, I would return home from infusions and immediately take the dog for a three- or four-mile walk. I was convinced that movement would help my system process the poison I had allowed into my body. The chemo-related side effects followed a very similar process each time. It’s not an exact science, but after one or two rounds of treatment, cancer patients can usually predict what’s in store for them. For me, days 3-7 were the worst — deep depression, intense pain, extreme exhaustion, and some other annoying, less intense side effects like nausea, skin rashes, and GI issues. On the days when I felt like passing out even though I was lying down, I couldn’t walk more than a quarter of a mile. Those days occurred once or twice per cycle. The other days I would encourage my body to walk, run, or practice a gentle yoga flow. I vividly remember going for a run after my fourth cycle. Equipped with several Kleenex (a chronic painful, runny nose is another joyful side effect) and a new running hat that gave me confidence to go out in public with my new “haircut,” I had to stop twice before finally calling it after a meager one mile. I promptly burst into tears and texted my running friends. They encouraged me, cheered me on for making it a mile, praised me, and reminded me that although my body was busy fighting another battle and might not have the strength to run a mile at present, I would get through it. I cried and walked home, where I showered and cried some more. Exercise showed me what I was unable to do. But I also allowed it to show me what I could do, therefore lifting my spirits. I felt strong(er). I felt some pride in my ability to stay active. Exercise and movement supported my mental health, which supported my body. For the first two weeks of my experience — from the identification of a lump to the elimination of lymph node involvement — I was in a constant state of stress and anxiety, which was new for me. Prior to COVID, I was practicing yoga three times weekly and running on the other days. It will not surprise you to learn that that level of activity was critical to my well-being; it helped me maintain patience in my interactions with my family, sharpen my mind for my professional obligations, strengthen my body, and lift my mood. Maintaining as high a level of physical activity as I could throughout treatment, and throughout my four surgeries, was a priority for me. By the end of my infusions (“active treatment”), my body was beaten down. I suffered two infections a week before my double mastectomy and breast reconstruction surgeries, which required me to have two fingernails surgically removed. I was hospitalized for five days after my double mastectomy because it turned out that I was July 2021 | 19

allergic to the antibiotic they prescribed me; it shut down my white blood cell production. During those dark days, all I could do was stay hydrated. Eight months later, I sometimes wonder how my body and mind would have responded to those few atrocious weeks had it not been for all of the activity I accomplished in the months prior. Would I have been as prepared? I’ve spoken of this commitment to exercise with other women who have received their own cancer diagnoses, and watched as my friends nodded their heads and listened as they share their own stories of fighting through a walk on the treadmill a few days post-infusion or a run to calm the mind while waiting for results. These anecdotal experiences from other women strengthen me and lift me up. I know that doctors advise cancer patients to maintain a healthy, balanced diet, comply with medical instruction, take the meds, and to stay active. Of course, taking the drugs is often not exactly a choice. Maintaining a healthy diet can be a challenge when you have no appetite or taste buds. But exercise? That’s always available. And for me, it’s been invaluable.

Sarah Okin grew up in Ann Arbor and returned to the area with her husband after spending ten years in New York City and London, England, where she earned her MBA in international business. They are committed members of the community who are involved with local nonprofits as well as local businesses. Sarah runs a boutique HR strategy consultancy and is a co-owner of a local bar/restaurant. She’s also a dedicated mom of three who spends her “free” time running in Gallup and walking the dog.

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“it has to be more than pretty; it must be livable” R E F L E C T YO U R L I F E ST Y L E . www.birchdesignassociates.com R E S I D E N T I A L • COM M E RC I A L

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Which Wrung on the Corporate Ladder? by Marilyn A. Pellini

eing from the generation of the “I’ve been moved” philosophy, mine is a story of choices.

When I was first married, my husband had recently graduated from college and was looking for a permanent job. I had been hired as a kindergarten teacher for the following year, so we would have at least one full salary to depend upon. Teachers were not paid much back then and things would be tight, but we were more than willing to scrimp just to be together. We were living in Rhode Island at that time, and jobs for college graduates were not at all plentiful. Al had majored in business and decided that the packaging industry sounded both interesting and challenging. His first interview was with International Paper in upstate New York. I could not believe that we might need to settle so far away from our home area, and was secretly delighted when he did not get the job. His next interview resulted in an offer from a behemoth company in the can industry that would move us to New Jersey, which was at least a bit closer to family. Fortunately one of Al’s fellow

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salesmen knew of an apartment in his complex that was for rent. Being far from home for the first time in my life did not seem quite so terrible, since we would have built-in friends. My first child, Michael, had been born just months before our move, so I was now planning to be a stay-at-home mom. Not nine months had passed living in our Jersey apartment when Al was offered a promotion. All the boxes had not even been totally unpacked, but Massachusetts was an appealing relocation. What could be better, I thought — back really close to home. We stayed in this New England town for three years, and made some lifelong friends among our immediate neighbors. Our second child, Lynn, was born there, and I was so happy to have both a boy and a girl. I was already finding moving from place to place difficult, and wondered how I could ever do this once my children reached school-age. Our apartment was a duplex that looked from the outside like a one-family house. It had three bedrooms and a lovely backyard.

As a little family, we were comfortable and secure. That was when the next promotion came. It was an important step up this time, and I could see just how delighted and proud Al was to think that he had been chosen. How could I possibly stand in his way, even though I was so happy where I was? So, off we went to New York. Just before this move, my husband’s sister died suddenly of a cerebral hemorrhage at the age of 32. She was one of my best friends growing up, and a good part of the reason I eventually ended up marrying her brother. Her children were six and four years old, and I felt so terrible that I would now live very far away and could not help raise or care for them. By the time her funeral was over and our deep grieving somewhat in check, all the houses we had been looking at were sold. We were once again back at square one. My husband‘s company had put him up in a hotel for many, many weeks, and now we felt under pressure to find a place to live. Trying to think logically, our best bet was to go back to New Jersey to the area where we had lived once before. We hurriedly put a down payment on an apartment rental. We had been so hoping to find an affordable house, only to realize that property anywhere close to the city was astronomically expensive. It would just have to be another apartment. One of Al’s fellow salesmen heard of our predicament and suggested we look farther north of the city and mentioned a few towns such as Mount Kisco, Katonah, and Somers. We decided to give house searching one more try.

which would mean a move to Chicago. We discussed the advantages and disadvantages of living in the Midwest, as this would mean moving to an area we were completely unfamiliar with. I finally suggested to Al that maybe he should take the job and commute home on weekends. The kids were so happy in their school and I in the community that he finally decided to pass up that promotion. I think a number of people in his company knew that I was hesitant to move again, as this would be my fourth relocation in six years. Others were dying to meet the crazy wife, as I had to be nuts not to want an increased paycheck and a bigger house. Because my husband was such a hard and devoted worker, and a kind and religious guy, he was hard to overlook. He had fine manners and was a meticulous dresser. Eventually he got the same promotions and continued to grow his company’s business. A couple of years later he thanked me for helping him make the decision to put our kids first. The children were thriving in this town that we truly called home. So many of Al’s co-workers had teenagers who suffered greatly from moving around the country every two or three years. After being with his company for 23 years, his segment of the business was sold off to another entity. He had the choice of following them to yet another area or looking for new employment. He was now in his late forties, and it would be a challenge, but within three days he had a new position, one that he loved and stayed with until his eventual retirement.

I left the children with my folks and traveled to New York for this one last-ditch effort to find a house. On our way up the Saw Mill Parkway, I was in charge of the map and mentioned that Mount Kisco seemed like the first town we would come to. “No,” Al said, “We’re going to Katonah.” When I asked him why, he had no definitive answer. Later, I prayerfully attributed it to his sister’s guidance from above. We stopped at the first real estate agency we saw and explained what type of house we were looking for and our price range. She had five homes to show us, and by the evening we made an offer on a cute little place right near the elementary school.

To move steadily up the corporate ladder should not necessarily be one’s only goal. The happiness of the entire family should be a major consideration. If you are transplanted to an area you do not like, sometimes that is your last wrung on the company ladder, and you are stuck there rather permanently, as the next move is on you. Investigate thoroughly the job, co-workers, neighborhoods, and of course schools in this new locale. As a former teacher, I have seen many a family become unhappy because of a job relocation. Do not unknowingly let this happen to you.

Our son started kindergarten three days after we moved into our castle, and we were all so grateful to be settled. The kids and I soon began to love our new area, and shortly after that I became a substitute teacher and president of the PTA. Al was working very long hours in the city, but was joyous to own his first house. We were so happily ensconced in our new area when it happened again! My husband was offered another advancement,

Marilyn Pellini published her first book, Dear Al, A Widow’s Struggles and Remembrances, in 2018. That same year, she won the first place prize in the New York State Federation of Women’s Club writing contest. In the past, she’s had poetry and articles published in magazines such as On the Water, Westchester Parent, Balanced Rock, and others.

July 2021 | 23

Connecting with Your Partner Through Active Dates by Jesaka Webster

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hen many of us hear "date night," we envision the classic dinner and a movie. These predictably enjoyable staples are fantastic activities and are a fun way to spend time with our partners. Nonetheless, these “predictably enjoyable” dates do, in fact, become predictable — and predictable can become boring. My husband DeAngelo and I are perpetually seeking ways to not only keep our relationship romantic, but also fun. Something that we recently realized is that incorporating motion and mobility into the quality time we spend together can be even more romantic and gratifying than an average date. For us, this past year was a turning point for what date nights looked like. Two major events happened: 1) We had our first child, and 2) we got a bit wrapped up in a pandemic — maybe you've heard of it. Between my pregnancy and COVID-19, we both became more conscious of our bodily health than ever before. Also, with social distancing recommendations and the limited nature of restaurants and movie theaters during the pandemic, our go-to date options simply weren't as available to us. Also, you can’t exactly bring an infant into a quiet restaurant or a movie theater and expect everything to go smoothly! So, we had to get creative. Pretty much out of necessity, our dinner and movie dates transformed into physical activities such as outdoor exercise classes, dance classes, climbing, kayaking, and swimming. Exploring new hiking trails, botanical gardens, sculpture gardens, and zoos replaced our past movie and dinner dates. There were many wonderful perks that resulted from our new way of dating — improved health, the pride of prioritizing our health and fitness, and that fantastic feeling of accomplishment you feel after working out. As all new moms know, postpartum baby weight is real. Physically active dates with my husband allowed me to take care of my body by focusing on exercise and mobility, all while spending quality time with him. Another benefit we noticed was that exploring a new place, activity, or skill as a couple allowed us to create a new experience together, which strengthened the bond of our relationship in ways going out for dinner just couldn't. The best part was the laughter. When you’re stepping outside of your comfort zone, sometimes you make mistakes and silly things happen. Remember to keep it light and not to take your activities too seriously! We laugh at ourselves, and each other, when we try and falter at a new skill or see a funny animal interaction on the trails. Sharing

that little endorphin boost from exercise after an active date has made date night feel more intimate, interesting, and fun. What started off as an experiment for a new way of dating is now a cornerstone of how my husband and I spend time together and with our nine-month-old son. We feel a deeper connection; when we go on dates like this, we’re prioritizing one another's health and also having a blast. Do we still enjoy eating out at restaurants? Absolutely! However, incorporating physicality into an active date can fuel your relationship with wonderful experiences and memories that you just won’t get from a traditional dinner and a movie. Jes Webster is a new mom, wife, healthcare professional, and activity enthusiast. Originally a Southern California native, Jes fell in love with a Michigander during grad school and started putting down roots in The Mitten. After almost a decade of living here, she now considers herself a true Ann Arbor Townie! When she’s not at work or out having fun with her family, she loves to share fun activity content on her Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook page MichiganDateIdeas.

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Balancing Your Home

by Tiffany Birch

Photo by Houzlook Com

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uch of my work as an interior designer involves pushing people out of their comfort zones and trusting the process. And believe me, when it comes to the art of decorating, opposites attract. This may seem contrary to those who believe that every item in a home must “match,” but it’s certainly more interesting to mix things up a bit! For example, juxtaposing an elegant antique bureau with a piece of modern art provides balance and offers something interesting for one to contemplate. I call this the “Hmm Effect.” It provides those who enter your home something to ponder — what do the items chosen say about you? The good news is that you don’t have to be a designer — or even have to hire one — if you are willing to experiment and trust your gut. The first step is taking inventory of the items you already own. I find it best to start with the large furnishings in your home, such as your dining room table, sofa, etc. and work your way down to the smaller items, such as rugs, art, and even your everyday dishes. What do you love? What do you dislike? This is where trusting your gut comes into play. Commit to those items that bring you the most joy, and cut ties with those that don’t. This process will provide you with a foundation to work from as you transform the interior of your home into a unique reflection of yourself. Photo by Roberto Nickson

You may find out along the way that you may need to purchase some new items, and here’s where the opportunity to mix things up presents itself. Now that you have taken stock of what you own and what you actually need, you can begin the art of “styling” your home. If your taste is decidedly traditional, then perhaps it’s time to mix in some quirky pieces to play against the more formal items that you already own. On the same note, if you’re decidedly modern in your taste, it may be time to add an elegant Louis XIV chair to your collection of pop art hanging in the foyer. Take a chance! The idea that opposites attract works on many levels in the world of decorating. Every shiny, reflective item that you bring into a room demands a matte, unpolished contradiction. Balance is achieved in this way, and allows the room to feel more comforting on a subconscious level. The same is true of pairing things that are “high” (or more valuable) with things that are “low” (and don’t break the bank). Here, too, balance is attained, along with the end result of an extremely comfortable space. My wish for you by the end of your home transformation is that you feel grounded and content in your new surroundings. It’s not exactly a news flash that beautiful spaces make people feel better. Think of it as a gift to yourself. Tiffany Birch has been an interior designer since 2002, and specializes in both residential and commercial projects. She holds a Master of Social Work degree (ACSW) and utilizes interpersonal relationship skills on a daily basis with her client base, largely comprised of Ann Arbor and Metro Detroit residents. She enjoys residing in the city and the comforts of home. When she’s not fully immersed in client projects, you can find her on the golf course, a favorite pastime. www.birchdesignassociates.com Instagram: @birchdesignassociates July 2021 | 27

From Stuck to Unstoppable by Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC

Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk

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t the heart of my coaching practice is my dedication to helping people get unstuck so they can be unstoppable, and really see their lives soar. Moving your life forward to a place of such freedom that you experience the exhilaration of soaring is no small thing. I believe it’s a possibility for everyone. Let’s consider, and celebrate here, all the mechanisms and forces that enable one to move in this direction of rich personal expansion. We all desire this. It’s inherently part of our life force — this longing for growth and expression of our pure potentiality. Yet, despite this draw, many of us humans on this planet often feel stuck. Over the course of my lifetime, there have been more moments than I can count when I’ve felt it — the quagmire of deadlock in the exact instant I desire its opposite. Therefore, I’ve made it my mission to study this phenomenon, determined to learn a few secrets about how to release oneself from such states. I’ll share them with you here.

Goals That Aren’t Manifesting Do you ever find yourself puzzling over why a goal or intention you’ve set for yourself — one you deeply desire — isn’t happening no matter what you’ve tried? Bummer indeed. This reality is actually what brings most of my coaching clients into my practice. These individuals are dedicated to growth and change for themselves, yet can’t quite unlock the missing pieces to making key things that they long for happen.

Untangling from the Story I believe that at our core, we are all about goodness, purity, and peace. We’re born this way. Our existence is simply that, until it’s not. Life gets complicated quickly. Our inner worth and value becomes confused with all these mixed messages we get early on — messages about what is acceptable or not, about what feelings will be tolerated or which will not. In childhood, we learn to suppress emotions that parents or significant figures in our life deem problematic. We create meaning out of situations we don’t understand. And the meaning we give those moments typically become negative stories about ourselves. For instance, a child growing up with a depressed parent unable to fully attend to nurturing concludes that they aren’t valuable, or good enough under this lack of attention. Children typically reference external events from the perspective of something being wrong with them. They don’t yet have the capacity to make abstract meaning out of events happening to them, so it’s always in some way “their fault.” Sadly, these beliefs crystalize into subconscious stories that the child-turned-adult rigidly experiences as truth about themselves. And as long as beliefs remain subconscious, they run major interference with successful goal completion.

From Subconscious to Conscious

Invariably, we discover that the reason they’re stuck is because they’re still under the press of a subconscious old story or false belief. It’s as simple as that! Knowing this, however, is only the beginning of the release process, for these old stories run deep. Their hold over us quite frequently intense and tenacious.

Here’s two secrets to recognizing you are stuck in a subconscious old story. First, in the moment, you will always feel younger than your stated age. Typically you’ll feel the age you were when the belief originated. I, for example, feel about three years old when I’m in my “not good enough” story. Recognizing that you feel younger helps you catch yourself and flip out of that story into your conscious truth — you’re an adult who is plenty good enough for all those in your inner circle! We never want to be striving toward a goal when stuck in our old story. It’s guaranteed not to go well.

The cost of remaining stuck in a false belief about yourself is extreme. It can mean the difference between a life of freedom, happiness, and serenity and a life of emotional pain, frustration, and thwarted efforts. So step one is becoming conscious of the fact that you hold a negative belief in the first place. Easy to say, but not always easy to accept. The challenge, however, is one we all face from time to time.

Secondly, when stuck in a subconscious negative belief or story, you will experience the sense of feeling broken or needing to be fixed. Again, in this state, it’s not likely one will be able to tackle goals at full capacity. On the other hand, when we’re able to recognize that we’ve slipped into an old state because we feel strangely defective, we can move past it. We can step back into consciously recognizing our strong, competent, adult self capable

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Photo by Marc Olivier Jodoin

of many possibilities. It’s only from a place of feeling possibility that we want to pursue our desires and goals. From this vantage point, success is well within reach! To get unstuck, in other words, one must be willing to face and feel into something that typically doesn’t feel easy or good. There is the temptation to avoid. Additionally, have you ever noticed that when stuck, you often feel confusion? Being in a state of confusion is a tip-off that we’ve compromised our power. Being stuck is a choice. Let me say that again. Feeling stuck or feeling free is a choice. You can dig your heals in, bury your head in the sand, and avoid the risk of new contemplations or new actions, or you can open your mind and heart to new awarenesses and possibilities. My vote is always for the latter.

Unstoppable You Then comes the fun. The ease. The joy. From a place of being centered in the present, having cleared out those old stories, letting yourself feel all your feelings, and facing your fears rather than suppressing them, it’s time to move in the direction you desire. The shift will be amazing. Formulate your intention or goal in the present, as if it has already happened. For instance, you might think about how you allow your relationship with your partner to be loving, harmonious, and playful. Or maybe you allow yourself to enjoy a career that inspires your creativity, meaningfully connects you with others, and brings great abundance. Notice with these examples that the desires feel realistic and attainable. Additionally, you’ll want to be sure to

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include yourself in the statements. Envision intentions that are precise, concise, and relatively specific — but at the same time, not limiting. This allows room for the universe to work with you. Lastly, you need not be concerned with the “how” of specific steps or means through which the goal will manifest. Rather, simply focus your energy on the delicious end result as if it’s already yours. Feel into it and savor the experience of whatever sensations you notice in having it. Now, top off the wonder of this process by letting your imagination soar. Vividly picture, using all your senses, what attaining your dream is like. Bask in whatever you notice or whatever emotions surface. Welcome your intention with love and appreciation. Let the pleasure you will most likely be experiencing carry your energy forward. Having what we deeply desire need not be complicated. Rather, it’s an opportunity to step more richly into the flow and movement of life and of possibility. So go ahead and let yourself get unstuck; be unstoppable, and SOAR! Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC is a certified Life Coach in Ann Arbor, MI who loves empowering adolescents, adults, and couples to live from the HEART of what really matters to them so that they can bring their fully expressed, vibrant selves into the world. She has a special gift for helping women reclaim their feminine power, and embrace their radiant, sensual, sexy spirits. Their lives transform. They soar into their mid-life magnificence! www.lifeempowermentcoaching.com Instagram: @life_coach_maria Facebook: www.facebook.com/LifeEmpowermentCoaching

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