The Brick Magazine - June 2019 by The Brick Magazine Ann Arbor

BRICK

THE

JUNE 2019

MAGAZINE

ANN ARBOR

FOLLOW YOUR BLISS REFRESHING YOUR DREAMS NOT YOUR BOOK CLUBS CHIANTI ENTERTAINING AS EASY AS 1, 2, 3!

PLUS! MINDFUL MEDICAL TESTING

Stephanie Willette

THE VALUE S-DRIVEN LIFE

Specializing in Brick Restoration and Design

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THE

BRICK MAGAZINE

CONTENTS

JUNE 2019

Publisher • Sarah Whitsett

Assistant to the Publisher • Tanja MacKenzie

Art Director • Jennifer Knutson

Copy Editor • Angelina Bielby

Marketing Director • Steve DeBruler

Cover Photographer • Heidi McClelland

Contributors >>

Gail Barker, B.A., C.P.C.C. Liz Crowe Morella Devost Kristen Domingue Tiffany Edison

Jillian Fraioli Heather Glidden Juna Guetter Angela Harrison

Kellie Mox Marilyn Pellini Joan Ridsdel Stephanie Saline Maria Sylvester

The Brick Magazine, LLC 734.221.5767 Email: office@thebrickmagazine.com Visit us on the web at thebrickmagazine.com

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The Brick Magazine >>

THE BRICK MAGAZINE makes every effort to provide accurate information in advertising, editorial content and placement; however, we cannot make any claims as to the accuracy of information provided by advertisers or editorial contributors and will accept no responsibility or liability for inaccurate information or placement. No content can be duplicated without the permission of The Brick Magazine, LLC

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Happy Father’s Day

From Safe to Inspirational: Refresh Your Work Life

The Values-Driven Life with Stephanie Willette

Follow Your Bliss: Refreshing Your Dreams

Train in Style: Punching Up Your Workout Wardrobe

For Personal & Planetary Thriving Testing...Testing...1...2...3...

When the Game of Life Becomes a Test

Test Your Skills: A Summer Solstice Celebration

Welcome to Booze 101 with Liz Not Your Book Club’s Chianti

Entertaining Is as Easy as 1, 2, 3!

Mindful Medical Testing

Woman on the Street Our Favorite Things

Fresh and Fresher

Boosting Your Signal-to-Noise Ratio

What Happens When You Compare Yourself to Others

From Safe To Inspirational: Refresh Your Work Life by Juna Guetter

re you working in a “safe” job and dreaming of an inspirational one?

Life’s too short to be stuck working hard just for the notion of security and paying the bills! If you’re ready for a work life change, read about how I left my safe job for an inspirational one and how you can refresh your work life too. Learn the five stepping stones I used to walk out the door of my “secure” job and into my dream job. Also, please enjoy six juicy tips to refresh your work life in the meantime.

From Social Worker to...? Many years ago, my safe job was working as a social worker. It was safe because it was something I could rely on to pay the bills and plan for a secure future. Referring to it as safe was ironic because my life was threatened more than once while on the job. Those few terrifying incidents got me to look at who I was and what I was doing this job for anyway. After a bit of introspection, it didn’t take long to realize I was fulfilling expectations of female family roles that dictated what a good person might do with their life. It took me a while to get the courage to leave and to get over the guilt of “wasting” my university degree. I even tried job

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Photo by Evan Kirby

sharing to reduce the workload, but needless to say, I was out-growing this job. There was more juicy work for me to do in the world, but I didn’t know what exactly. While I was waiting out those last couple of years at my safe job, dancing and fitness became my growing passion. I wasn’t thinking initially that dance would be my new career, especially because I was 36 and most dancers I knew were ending their careers by then. Yet, truth be told, if someone asked me what my dream job would be at that time, I would have said, “Dancing every day!” Essentially, I followed that inspiration out the doors of my safe job and onto the dance floor of the Great Unknown. It wasn’t easy, making that change. My husband was upset with me for leaving a good job because I no longer brought in an income, initially. I certainly had no clue about how I could possibly earn a living from dancing, so I tried not to think about it. The only thing that kept me going was this phrase: “Do what you love and the money will follow.” It was like a guidepost or an arrow pointing me away from safe toward inspirational. I knew it could be possible, and I held on to that mantra like a dog on a bone. Taking that advice to heart, I believed that if I just started dancing, something would happen. And it did. Dancing

in my living room led to dancing in clubs, which led to performing in a modern sacred dance company! Even so, I grew restless with only that to stimulate me, and what I really hungered for was to teach my own kind of dance class. Once I realized that, I found Nia® and started teaching dance/fitness classes. Nia pulled all my “loves” together, including my love of theatre, drama, dance, music, and teaching! Once I started my inspirational work in the world, nothing could stop me! If something didn’t work, I’d find a way to change it. The next ten years I danced up a storm, and at my peak, taught 275 students weekly. As part of that creative streak, I created and taught the Theatre Arts Dance component of a two-year theater arts degree at a local college. I pinched myself with the dance career I had created in my forties! My dream of working with happy successful people who were pleased to pay me for my expertise was my new reality.

I was willing to lose the security of a regular paycheck. Being extremely uncomfortable waiting it out in the unknown was my new MO. In effect, I was willing to fail.

I let go of striving for perfection and followed the call of my spirit. Starting a dance career in my late thirties was courageous. Dancing in spandex in front of my peers was daunting. And yet, my inner voice telling me to do this was louder than all my protestations!

Summing up, the truth is that after making that initial choice from safe to inspirational, I didn’t just take steps—I leapt! I get that not everyone is ready to leap yet, so I’ve left you some things you can do to freshen up your work life right now!

Six Tips to Refresh Your Work Life

As part of this phase, I also co-created Synergy In Motion, a coaching business that had my partner and me traveling the globe for another ten years. And on and on it goes! Daring to change and having the courage to say “no” to some things and “yes” to others makes way for you to live out your wildest dreams. Is it simple? Yes. Easy? No. Worth it? Totally!

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Connect to why you’re doing this job. Even if it’s only about the paycheck, let it fill your heart with gratitude.

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Ask what you can change about your current job to keep it fresh. Maybe change your office decor, change locations or companies, or pitch a new idea to your team?

In those times when the fear to make a change seems bigger than the gain awaiting you, I hope my story moves you from safe to inspirational in your work life.

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Be sure to ask, “What can I do today to put smiles on the faces of everyone I meet?”

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Cultivate interests and friendships outside of work that nurture you.

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Go within and ask, “What else is possible that I haven’t considered? What can I enjoy and accomplish with my unique work in the world?” Then listen.

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Refresh your style. Get a new hairstyle or a new look that reflects the new you you’re becoming, then strut your stuff with confidence!

My Five Stepping Stones from Safe to Inspirational 1.

I took an honest in-depth look at my current job. I asked, “Who am I doing this for? Why am I doing it? What else could I choose that would be more aligned with ‘me,’ and would make money too?” In addition, I realized I needed to move my body a lot more—all that sitting couldn’t have been good for me. I got clear about who I wanted to work with. My social work clients were mandated to see me and didn’t always desire to change. In any case, I imagined the possibility of working with happy, successful people who wanted to pay me for my expertise. I trusted myself to explore greater possibilities. I didn’t give up. I kept asking, “What else can I learn, where else can I share the dance?” In fact, that query led me on all kinds of adventures, like teaching dance to 20-year-old acting students, teen figure-skating champions, and many more.

Juna Guetter is a Michigander at heart, born in Grand Rapids and living there until her early twenties. Raising her family and living and working in Canada for the last 35 years, she’s the proud owner of Synergy In Motion, a coaching business that helps people bring their sparkle back. Right about now, she’s eager to get on the road and travel North America in her 25’ Airstream with her partner, two dogs, and gypsy cat, Nikita. What does she want more than diamonds? For you to know that you are a gift and an untapped resource for the changes you’ve been seeking. www. SynergyInMotion.info

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Photo by Heidi McClelland

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The Values-Driven Life with Stephanie Willette by Kristen Domingue

When we met with Stephanie Willette, manager of Chelsea Farmers Market and the Ann Arbor Farmers market, we saw a woman who lives on purpose. Her conviction that drove every difficult choice clearly shines through, illuminating a life committed to values in not just thought, but also deed. Like so many of the women we feature on the cover of The Brick, Stephanie’s life showcases what’s possible when we organically follow our passion, one decision at a time—without needing to have an “end-goal” in mind.

How it all started I did not think I would end up where I am today—it was a total surprise! I currently manage the Ann Arbor Farmers Market and have a farm of my own in Grass Lake, Two Tracks Acres, where we raise meat (pork, chicken, beef, and turkey), vegetables, and cut flowers. It took me a long time to find my way. In college I studied political science. I studied sustainable development in Thailand, and how modern agriculture and development affect traditional ways of life, as well as land rights and food ownership. I see food as the center of so much of our lives: we eat and prepare it every day, and it can bring us together and give us health. So, knowledge and ownership over our food sources is very important to me. After this experience, I was hooked on food. When I can back from Thailand after graduation, I wanted to do work where I could get my hands dirty and avoid being in an office all day. I got an internship at Tantre

Farm and learned how to grow organic veggies. I was eventually able to buy my own farm and start my own business. Throughout this, I was going to farmers markets and getting to know the people and the community. I took a job as Chelsea Farmers Market’s manager because I wanted to do more than grow my own food; I wanted to help shape our food culture and help farmers find successful markets. I also started working for Chelsea Community Kitchen, which connects prepared food vendors with a commercial kitchen and educates them about how to start a food business. After two years I moved to Ann Arbor Farmers Market, which is where I am today.

On blending work and family It’s hard. I try to switch off my work brain when I come home, but I often find myself distracted. I get stressed if I feel like I am letting a vendor down, and I feel responsible

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Photos of the market, once called the Curb Market, in its old location on 4th Ave.

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Photo by Heidi McClelland

for each business that sells at the market (there are currently 130). They rely on the market to make a living, and it’s my job to make sure the market is successful. I also want the customers to have a good experience. However, I try to focus on my family and home life when I am there. Last August, we had our first child, a little girl name Lucy. I was so lucky that my employer (the City of Ann Arbor) let me bring her to work as long as I needed to as I was transitioning back after maternity leave. She was a real market baby for a while, and came to every farmers market day I managed—both the Ann Arbor Farmers Market and the other farmers markets our farm vends at (Chelsea, Dixboro, and Howell). All the customers and vendors know her and ask how she is doing. They even threw me a baby shower at the farmers market! This job has a large and strong community that looks after each other.

Pivotal moments I’m a planner. Once I decide I want to do something, I look for ways to make it happen. I think the pivotal times in my life were the points where I made the decision to follow the path I am on now; the rest is fun and figuring out how to make it happen. My partner Taik is a big part of that. The reason I chose to go into food and farming was because it was something we were both interested in and could do together. Before Taik, I had seen myself working in the non-profit sector. But when we sat down to discuss a vision of how we wanted our lives to be, we saw this as something we could grow into, learn together, and share. It was different than going to our own separate jobs during the day and coming home at night; it was a whole lifestyle. That being said, it took a long time to get where we are today and it’s taken a lot of work and patience.

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Photo by Custom Ideation

Throughout my twenties, I often worked two jobs and waited tables to make ends meet. Sometimes it seemed like we weren’t moving toward our goals, but stuck in one place. Starting a business can take many years to get established, and to be completely honest, we’re still figuring it out. But some people took a chance with me by hiring me for Chelsea Market and then again at Ann Arbor Market, and slowly our farm business grew too. Now I see myself fully on the path I want to be on; it’s definitely a work in progress. I feel my life changing again with our new daughter. I feel less fixated on my career and more focused on home and family. I don’t yet know how this will play out, but for now it seems like a good balance.

What it takes to follow your passion When I think about following my passion, I think I could have done that in a number of ways. It’s not so much the specific job, but the nature of the work that I love. I love problem-solving, being outdoors, being part of a community, and working for a cause larger than myself. Any profession I entered, I would have tried to make those elements a part of it. When I look at things this way, no matter what I did for my profession, I would still be following my passion.

Photo by Heidi McClelland

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The Farmers Market is a good fit for this because it speaks so clearly to the elements I listed above. It’s a strong community. Local food is good for the environment, health, the economy—so many causes that I care about. Every day I get to look

Photo by Heidi McClelland

for more solutions and ways to solve challenges in these arenas for the community in a creative way, and share with others about the importance of local food. A challenge with doing something you love is figuring out how to make money doing it. I think the reason I am where I am today is because I very slowly built up the experience; it didn’t happen all at once. I volunteered a lot, introduced myself to people in the field and asked them for advice, and took part-time jobs rather than fulltime as part of my learning. Slowly, I got to know more people and build my network and knowledge. Much of my work is connecting and pulling pieces together, like connecting a vendor with a customer that needs that product. I could not do that without knowing the people and systems in place. It took a long time to build those relationships. Also, I wouldn’t have been hired for the job I have now without a strong background and knowledge of the local food system.

When I look back on everything it took to get here, and everything Taik and I have created, I am proud and grateful I had the opportunity to build a life that shows my daughter the importance of knowing your values and living them every single day.

Each month at The Brick, we’re proud to showcase women with strong convictions in their work. While every woman we feature engenders Stephanie’s closing sentiments, Stephanie was the first to name it so clearly: it’s imperative that our lives are a testament to our values for the generations we’re accountable to now and to come. Kristen M. Domingue is a copywriter and content marketing consultant in the New York City area. When she’s not delivering on client projects, you can find her cooking up something gluten-free or in an internet rabbit hole on entrepreneurship or astrology.

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Follow Your Bliss: Refreshing Your Dreams

by Heather Glidden Photo by Oziel Gómez

hat were your dreams when you were a child? Did you dream of being a teacher or an astronaut or a veterinarian? My dream was to be a dancer. I imagined myself in layers of tulle performing perfect pirouettes and being asked for my autograph after the show. But for many reasons, my dream didn’t make it to adulthood with me. The truth is, I don’t know very many people who do live out their childhood dreams as adults. I never really noticed this until I worked with an Olympic athlete who had been diligently bringing her childhood dream to fruition for decades, starting when she was quite small. Watching her was inspiring, but it also caused me to revisit and wonder about my own dreams. For most of us, our childhood dreams fall by the wayside when they prove too impractical, when we run into obstacles we don’t know how to overcome, or when we

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realize we simply no longer want to do those things. We are repeatedly encouraged by the media and inspirational speakers to follow our dreams, but I wonder how many of us really know what our dreams are as adults. When discussion of dreams arises, I often see people (including myself) flashback to childhood dreams, even though those dreams are no longer fresh or vital for us. After I graduated from college, I had the opportunity to revisit my dream of becoming a professional dancer, but I realized that it no longer called to me. It wasn’t my dream anymore, but it wasn’t replaced by a new dream. Instead, there was a sort of empty space where a dream used to live. On some level I was always, always searching for that same connection to meaning and purpose that I had with dance. I looked for it in jobs and relationships and hobbies, but I never found it again…until I changed my definition of what it means to have a dream.

This started to happen as I watched my Olympic athlete client win the medals she had been dreaming about since she was a small child. Watching her made me wonder: what is there in my life that could give me that level of motivation and inspiration? What could pull me through all of the self-doubts and setbacks that are a natural part of life to truly achieve my potential, and also leave the world a richer place? In other words, it re-ignited the question for me about what my dream is for my life as an adult. I noticed that when we are children, we are taught to speak about dreams in terms of professions or concrete goals. My dream was to be a dancer. Maybe your dream was to be a professional athlete or a famous author. These are all jobs. But if you think back, you’ll probably notice that what made your dream special was less about the profession and more about the feeling or qualities of the dream. For me, dancing made me feel free and connected to beauty. It allowed me to express what I couldn’t say with words. I wanted to always feel like that, but no one taught me to dream of feelings and qualities, they taught me to dream of a profession. So instead of identifying my dream as “freedom, beauty, and self-expression,” I identified it as “being a dancer.” Then later, when a career as a dancer didn’t work out for me, I was left stranded without a dream. If we redefine dreams as feelings or states of being, then they don’t need to fall by the wayside. We can actually continually refresh our dreams using those qualities and feelings as the compass needle to guide us as our needs and interests change. So today I invite you to spend a little time with your dreams. What dreams have you lost along the way? What brings a feeling of richness into your life now? And what nudges might be trying to get your attention if you were to slow down and listen? If it’s been awhile since you felt connected to your dreams, then it may take a bit of excavation to find them again. A few ways to reconnect with your dreams include journaling, making a vision board, meditation, daydreaming, and playing. Notice what draws you in and what you can easily got lost in doing for hours. What energizes you? What fills you with inspiration? Dreams often don’t make any sense at the beginning. I talked to one person who just noticed that she enjoyed drawing people on the subway. She didn’t have any idea

where that dream would lead her, but she felt connected to the pleasure of it in her heart, and so she just kept doing it. Eventually it did lead to a profession, but only after years of drawing simply for the fun of it. Joseph Campbell said “Follow your bliss,” and I take this quite literally. Notice what brings you the serenity of bliss and allow yourself to do that. When we try to make dreams into jobs, we ask them to follow a linear path; but dreams don’t work that way. If we try to force a dream into being a job before it is ready, we can squelch the bliss of it. Following a dream that is alive for you feels fresh, exhilarating. It may also feel a little scary or impractical, but if you look closer then you will usually realize that this feeling of impracticality comes from past conditioning. Following dreams often requires a process of unlearning what we have been taught about how we are expected to spend our time and live our lives. When you are following a dream, there is a sense of being led somewhere, of following a brand new path that no one else has walked. When you feel like you are lost, then you know you’re really getting somewhere! If you haven’t felt connected to your dreams for a while, be assured that they aren’t gone. There are still dreams for you. Don’t start with trying to name the dream or understand it. Simply start by making a little space to notice what your heart wants. Does it want to see more beauty, spend time in nature, or make art? None of these activities is necessarily the dream—but any of them might be stepping stones to helping you move in the direction of your dream. What brought you pleasure in the past that has fallen away? There might be a clue there. Just notice what helps you to feel a little more alive and start with that, a little bit at a time. Do something—just one thing—this week, and then another next week, and keep going. Let me know how it goes. I would love to hear about what dreams you excavate for yourself! Heather Glidden is the co-owner of JOY, a mind-body movement studio in downtown Ann Arbor. With 15 years of experience as a healing movement specialist, body worker, and integrative life coach, she helps her clients recover from pain and injuries and achieve radiant health. The mission of her studio is to bring more joy to the world by helping people feel great in their bodies. joyannarbor.com/ www.facebook.com/joyfreedominmotion

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Train in Style:

Punching Up Your Workout Wardrobe

by Angela Harrison Photo by Lucas Lenzi 18 | The Brick Magazine

itness takes so many forms today, and everyone’s routine is different. One thing anyone can apply to their fitness regimen is dressing the part. Many department store fashion lines offer incredible activewear selections, making the transition from gym/studio/trail to everyday life seem easier. These pieces are designed to hold up during your toughest workout while looking chic enough to wear as a causal outfit. Activewear garments and accessories have come a long way from boxy t-shirts and floppy duffle bags. Fitness gear is one of the fastest-growing markets with celebrities like Beyoncé, Kate Hudson, and Khloe Kardashian creating their own activewear companies, and it’s not slowing down anytime soon. I’m highlighting some of my fave picks that you can feel confident and comfortable in, while keeping it functional and fashionable.

Bras, Tops, and Crops There’s no wrong way to wear a top when it comes to activewear. Tops are showcased in all types of styles: strappy sports bra as a top, mesh tank, splitback tank, high-neck crop top, long sleeve dri-fit— anything goes when it comes to your workout. Sports bras have become more advanced, evolving from the minimal support, cotton-spandex slip-on style. Stores are now offering bras specifically designed for high impact training, and the styles have drastically changed. Gone are the days of a smashed chest in a tight, tube-like bra; so many bra lines are creating

incredible underwire and underwire-free sports bras with breathable fabrics, extra-wide straps, and fullcoverage cup designs. This new approach to active undergarments takes your mid-workout tugging and adjusting out of the equation, leaving you free to focus and feel good while you move. Just as a good-fitting bra is essential to your daily wardrobe, the same goes for what you work out in. Once you find the right support and style sports bra for your level of activity, choosing tops will be a breeze. June 2019 | 19

Bottoms and Matching Sets Matching sets are big trend in activewear, creating a clean, strong look by using the same color or pattern for tops and bottoms. These sets are fun while having a cool look and feeling almost like a fitness uniform. Celebrities can be seen in the latest matching sets from Adidas or Nike, setting trends for members at your local gym or yoga studio. Leggings are always a fitness staple, and the design details behind them have come a long way from cotton spandex blends. The favorite activewear leggings today are coming from companies like Lululemon, Athleta, Alo, and Nike, with the draw of their fabric quality and designs. Thick, stretchy, performance material that washes well, smoothes out the legs and torso, lifts the butt, isn’t see-through, and has a high waist is what women are after. And they’ll pay top dollar at that. Quality matters when it comes to performance bottoms; no one wants to be worrying about pilling fabric or seams stretching apart after two months of wear. There’s also so many choices outside of the legging craze as well, like wide-leg yoga pants, flare styles, running shorts, bike shorts, and joggers.

Layering and Cool Down Who doesn’t love a good layer? An interesting layering piece can really take a look from regular to effortlessly styled in two seconds. Open-wrap cardigans and long sweaters are great options to pair with your fitness look if you’re wanting a softer, more athleisure feel. Perfect for turning your workout clothes into a makeshift outfit for the rest of your day. Nylon track jackets and half-zips are great for pieces you want to keep on during a warm-up, or stay warm for a run outside. Cropped sweaters and fitted knits help keep your muscles warm without the bulk of a full-length top, and also pair perfectly with highwaisted leggings. The crossover of wraps and dusters into the activewear space is genius, and allows for your clothes to have more opportunities to mix and match.

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Bags and Gym Essentials Bye bye disgusting duffle bags! (Sorry to duffle bag supporters out there.) It’s all about the gym tote right now. Unless you’re hauling a lot to and fro, the bulkiness of a duffle bag is just unnecessary. It’s easy to find the perfect size bag for all of your gym needs, and a lot of brands are making it fun to have a gym bag. With pockets for your phone, pouches for shoes or damp items, loops for extra hair ties, gym totes are kinda awesome now. And these fab bags can also double as a shopping tote for post-workout errands and running around. They also make great carry-on bags for flights (guilty!). A few other must-haves for your gym bag are a reusable water bottle, towel, and a lightweight pair of shoes or sandals. With society becoming more environmentally conscious, reusable water bottles have turned into a trend all their own. In fact, you most likely use one already. Popular styles are a stainless steel design, offered in

multiple sizes, as well as glass bottles with silicone sleeves. Sandals or slides are great for your bag and help keep your gym shoes clean. It also makes it easy if you have a quick lunch date with a friend and want to transition your look into more of an athleisure vibe. No matter what your fitness world looks like, there are so many ways to feel fabulous, confident, comfortable, and powerful while you take on your goals. There are pieces out there for every body type, every size, every style, every woman, and it’s really empowering to know there’s nothing stopping you. Find your perfect sports bra, discover an activewear line you love, try a bold print you wouldn’t wear anywhere but during a workout. Most importantly, ditch your disgusting, dirty, dumpy, duffle bag! Take the time to make your sessions feel special—like you. **All photos belong to Nordstrom.com

Angie Harrison received her BS degree in fashion merchandising from Western Michigan University. After merchandising for a large retailer, she went on to start Angela Harrison Style: a personal, print, and film wardrobe styling service. Her experience has led her to styling wardrobe on local and national TV commercials, as well as freelance in visual merchandising for luxury retailers. www.AngelaHarrisonStyle.com | IG: @_ahstyle | www.facebook.com/AngelaHarrisonStyle June 2019 | 21

for personal

& planetary thriving

Testing…Testing…1… 2…3…

by Morella Devost, EdM, MA

est…test…

Few things excite me more than the prospect of getting mic-ed up to speak in front of a live audience. The larger the audience, the more excited I get. Public speaking—

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apparently the single most common fear for people everywhere—is a source of joy and a thrill for me. I come to life speaking from a stage. I was in my twenties when I began to discover this. At the time, I had graduated from college and entered a career in

microphone. In the fifth grade, I volunteered to write a paper about the Venezuelan flag overnight. The reward for the task? Reading it onstage at school assembly the following morning. Whenever we had mass at our Catholic school (which was often), I would volunteer to do one of the readings. In high school, a friend and I would rush to the administrator’s office at the end of the day in order to claim the microphone to call out students’ names as their parents arrived to fetch them. Yes, I’ve long known that I love a microphone. But an even deeper realization came to me one night in 2010. It was a weeknight and I was scheduled to teach a workshop for adults at a local high school. I can’t remember what I was teaching; all I know is that I had a pretty bad cold. I probably should have cancelled, but a large group was already registered and I didn’t want to inconvenience them. As I arrived at the school parking lot, I sat in my car for a few moments. Having no energy, I readied myself to plow through the class and head back home. But to my astonishment nearly two hours later, as I walked back to my car at the end of the class, I noticed just how great I felt! Gone was the heavy body and foggy head. I had much more energy than I did before the class. When I got into my car, I remember saying to myself, “mental note: speaking in public energizes me.” My passion for speaking and getting on top of a soapbox has led me to produce two community TV shows—first Holistically Speaking and now my weekly TV-radiopodcast show called Thrive With Morella. I simply adore the experience of being able to share constructive, uplifting information that might help someone in their life. For me, sharing content that is inspiring and helpful is just as energizing as the speaking itself. I believe it behooves everyone to pay attention to the type of work or activity that energizes them. Whatever that is for you, it’s also likely to be precisely what you are most naturally gifted at doing.

marketing that I hated. Feeling miserable in my fancy job, I began a much-needed career re-evaluation. It didn’t take long to zero in on the awareness that public speaking had always had an immense draw for me. As far back as I can remember, I was reaching for the

Now, the opposite is also true: it’s just as important to know what work or activities drain you—though it sometimes takes courage. If you were to truly pay attention, you might discover that you are doing work that is neither your greatest talent nor your passion. It might even imply a complete career overhaul, and that can be a pickle.

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Sometimes the work can be so soul-sucking that you can’t help but notice your lifeforce dwindling every minute you spend engaged in it. That was my case while working in marketing. I hated the job so much that it took an inordinate amount of energy to do it well. And at the end of the day, I felt as though my life did not belong to me. Knowing when work drains you is pretty straightforward when you hate what you’re doing. It’s trickier to discern when the project is tolerable or it “makes sense.” I’m sure many of you are just like me: we’re quite good at rolling up our sleeves and getting the job done. The downside of our “get ’er done“ spirit? It can keep us from our best and highest work. We miss the opportunity to realize that our energy and our talents are best invested elsewhere…and we might do this for years! The reality is this: there are infinite great ideas. It doesn’t mean that they are meant to be our ideas to pursue. I’ve undertaken many business projects over the years

that in hindsight were not a good fit for me. Some were excellent business ideas with great financial logic. I tackled them with enthusiasm and determination, and invested significant amounts of time, money, and effort into them. But when my heart and soul were not the source of these projects, but rather my “head,” the outcome was either lack-luster financial results or personal burnout more often than not. Sometimes both. Our upbringing and social norms tell us that hard work is not only good, but the only way to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt famously said, “Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty…” We value a good “work ethic” and being “good students.” This isn’t necessarily wrong, but by putting so much emphasis on getting things done, we often fail to engage in the all-important exploration of what gives us joy. At least I did. I was well into my twenties when I realized I had never explored what I loved. Even now in my mid-

Photo by Tim Napier

24 | The Brick Magazine

forties, I still constantly need to take a close look at my projects to see where I’m just plowing ahead rather than fully enjoying the dance of my hard work. I’m committed to the quest of making my work feel like play. Even if it means working 60 hours a week, I’m looking for the types of projects and activities that not only excite me but leave me feeling lucky for having done them. The opportunity to share something of value in front of a room of 200 people would be one of them. I love it!

miNd fit

body fit

Nourish it

3N1 fitNess revolutioN

www.3N1FIT.com

I believe the more you express your greatest gifts and do things that energize you, the more fulfilled you become. And I believe this is how you make your greatest contributions to the planet. (Think of Einstein! He didn’t do physics because it needed to be done. He did it because he loved it!) So I’m wondering, dear reader, are you already doing the work that feels like play for you? If that’s the case, hooray! You are a gift and contribution exactly where you are. If not, can I invite you to get curious about what energizes you and what drains you? What if doing work that depletes you is not a contribution at all? That by wiping you out, you have less to give your family and yourself, while you deprive the world of your greatest gifts. What is your own version of a microphone? Where in your life have you felt so excited to do something that you were more energized after the task than before it? What might happen if you allow yourself to imagine pursuing it? Your happiness is one of the greatest contributions you can make to your family, your community, and the planet. So give it a test. Testing… testing… 1… 2… 3… you’ve got my permission to explore. We need you happy, energized, and sharing your gifts. Morella Devost facilitates profound transformation for people who want to thrive in every aspect of life. After receiving two masters degrees in counseling from Columbia University, she also became a Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP facilitator, and Holistic Health Coach. Morella is a Venezuelan-Vermonter who works with people all over the world from her beautiful office in Burlington, Vermont. thrivewithmorella.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/ThriveWithMorella

Located on S. Industrial Hwy. in Revel & Roll Plaza

FARM TO TABLE Seasonal Series CHEF JOHN SOMERVILLE invites you to

FA R M T O TA B L E W E D N E S DAY S

Meet him at Kerrytown Farmer’s market as he procures locally sourced ingredients! 11am on select dates

FREE COOKING DEMO Watch him that evening prepare a unique dish with the morning’s picks.

Summer May 22nd June 5th June 19th June 26th July 10th July 24th August 7th August 21st

Fall

Enjoy complimentary micro-antipasti!

The chef’s table 6pm

Stay for dinner and order the day’s special dish!

September 11th September 18th September 25th October 9th October 16th October 30th November 6th

326 S. Main St., Ann Arbor, MI / gratzirestaurant.com June 2019 | 25

When the Game of Life Becomes a Test

by Gail Barker,

B.A., C.P.C.C. Photo by Joseph Gruenthal

’ve been accused of being an optimistic visionary. I say “accused” because these descriptors are often thrown my way with a sneer, a suggestion that somehow my outlook on the world isn’t rooted in reality. Generally, I choose to respond to these accusations with a smirk of my own, a wave of my hand, or a verbal “pshaw;” whatever has me stand solidly in my truth. And my truth is that I like to approach life with a certain joie de vivre, as if it’s a game. Not a “competition” kind of game—not something like chess or Monopoly® (which, at least in my experience, can get out of hand really fast). Instead, for me, life is akin to a game that’s just meant to be pure fun—something like Twister®, or a game of charades. Something where I can be silly while engaging with others. A game that allows me to show up fully present to the world around me, laugh a little (or a lot!), contemplate as needed, make mistakes and still feel good about myself. Something that’s enjoyable overall, you know? And I see no need to engage in an apology or defense of this outlook.

26 | The Brick Magazine

Here’s the thing, though: sometimes, the universe decides to change the nature of the game. It moves the game from a simple enjoyment to a challenge. And sometimes, it moves from a simple challenge to a really complicated, icky challenge. All of a sudden, life can have the feel of a test, and tests just aren’t as fun as games. Tests shift the generally light-hearted experience of whatever situation is at hand. Tests require me to “step up” and “prove myself” in a certain arena. Tests, in short, tend to leave me feeling behind the eight-ball, at least at the outset. My most recent experience of being tested happened just last year. And it wasn’t a year of a single test; there were several tests, back-to-back. Imagine a circumstance akin to the pressure of year-end exams, during a semester when you’ve got all of your most difficult courses, and all of your exams have to be written on the same day. Yes, it was that level of intensity. The metaphor of a pressure cooker comes to mind. I won’t go into specific details, because the details a)

can’t be shared without violating the confidences of others—which is what happens in a world which is filled with relationships, and b) aren’t really as important as the lessons extrapolated from the experience.

tremendous value and benefit to breathing with intention. To be able to breathe consciously and deeply is a gift granted to all of us—and is far more life-sustaining than simply breathing by default. To paraphrase a friend of mine, there is a difference between taking a breath and receiving one. When we receive a breath, we receive the gift of grounding ourselves and filling ourselves with deep strength (try it right now: breath in and notice the power you feel).

What I do want to share, however, is that the challenges I experienced were actually exactly what I needed at that time in my life. I know, nobody wants to hear that. I’m not even sure I want to say that. And yet, I know in my heart of hearts that this is the truth. 4.

Know who your true allies are. When we’re being tested, we need our allies. These are the folks who are inherently trustworthy. These are the people who you know beyond a shadow of a doubt, and got your back and will walk with you, now, in this moment. They may not even be folks you’ve known forever. These are the privileged few who have earned a right to be with you when you’re most vulnerable. If you don’t trust them in this circumstance, for any reason, these are not the allies to turn to right now.

Learn to ask, “what am I learning?” Another way to ask this is, “what do I know now that I didn’t know before?” Remember, any and all tests have a seed of potential and possibility within them. Focus on that seed within, rather than the husk of challenge without. Nurture that seed and watch yourself expand and grow and evolve.

You see, I am all about growth. Even as I play my way through life, it’s always with a view of growing, of becoming, of evolving. I had simply reached a point where I needed to be tested in order to continue my growth. There was no other way through. Without the test(s), I would have stagnated. This is a challenging realization to have. Truthfully, it’s not one that I was willing to acknowledge for a very long time. As someone who is committed to playing my way through life, to finding the joy and enjoyment, and as someone who is equally committed to avoiding the “ick,” acknowledging the need for daunting tests is a bitter pill to swallow. So, what did I learn through the process, beyond the fact that tests are actually a vital part of the growth experience? 1.

Be careful what you wish for. I have a habit of choosing a word at the beginning of each year, a theme to use as a benchmark of sorts. Last year, the word that I chose for myself was STRETCH. I wanted a year in which I stretched my potential—personally, professionally, spiritually. I knew what I meant by that, and the stretch that I was envisioning did NOT include tests of any sorts. But the universe has a funny way of giving you exactly what you need, even if it isn’t exactly what you envisioned. Stop approaching life with a “this is how it is or should be” mentality. While you might like life to be a certain way, the fact is that life can look a myriad of ways. And each one of those myriad ways has its pros and cons, benefits and costs, ups and downs. Be open to experiencing things that might be uncomfortable compared to your preferred approach.

Bottom-line: we all love when life feels light, easy, and fun. There are times, however, when the nature of the beast is such that we are tested. The tests that are presented to us from time-to-time will always allow you to become so much more than you could otherwise be. The metaphor of a pearl is a good one here. It’s the pressure from the outside—the tests of life—that allow you to become the gem that you are. Gail Barker is a Certified Professional CoActive Coach. She specializes in supporting leaders to lead powerfully and meaningfully. Her company, Stellar Coaching & Consulting, was established in 2013, and through that platform she has supported hundreds of leaders in elevating their leadership game. A few of the additional hats she wears professionally are author, speaker, and radio show host. Personally, she is deeply committed to her family, loves to read, and finds deep restoration when walking along the beach (even in the winter). Website: www.stellarcc.com

Remember to breathe. Sometimes, the lesson here is actually to re-LEARN how to breathe. There is

Facebook: www.facebook.com/stellarcc Twitter: stellar7

June 2019 | 27

Test Your Skills: A Summer Solstice Celebration by Jillian Fraioli

Photo by Markus Spiske

t’s no secret that I love food. What I love more than eating food is creating food. And to take that further, I love getting into the kitchen with my friends to see what we can create together. We started a tradition a few years ago to celebrate the coming of summer. On the solstice, we ask a handful of our closest friends to come over, bring what they have from their gardens, their fridge, and their pantry. A large part of the fun comes from starting with a blank slate and then sitting back to see what becomes of our minds put together. It’s a true test of your skills to create something from scratch, not knowing what you’re going to get! While starting with nothing is fun, it is important to be sure someone has a protein, someone has veggies, and someone else has a pantry that includes some herbs and spices. We do try to designate who is bringing what, like Brian brings the protein and Latima brings the veg, and they come to my house with their partners and I make sure I have a well-stocked pantry. 28 | The Brick Magazine

But don’t stop there! Tell them to also bring their favorite ingredients—you might need them! We also decide ahead of time: Are we using the grill, or the smoker? Will we sous vide, or use the oven? It’s good to have an initial idea to run with, and equipment you might need. It might seem daunting, and you might come up with some duds, but part of the joy is laughing over the end results. The best part is that you might, like us, come up with a few new ideas that then can take on a life of their own in your kitchen. Here are a few of our most outstanding recipes that we developed over the years. This is just to give you a jumping-off point! You can easily substitute the protein and the vegetables. If you have sweet potatoes, try them! If you have peas or pea shoots, use those! If you think early tomatoes are ready, try those instead of the potatoes in the salad, or add them in. Take these as suggestions and see what happens.

Yogurt and Saffron Chicken Skewers

•

About 20 minutes before you’re ready to serve everything, put the skewers on the grill and turn it down to medium heat. You want to turn them after seven minutes, but you’re also looking for some good char here. We like to cook off most of that marinate and get some crispy bits in the mix. After seven minutes, flip and cook seven more on the other side. Let them rest for a few minutes to reabsorb the juices. If you’re using thighs, you might only need to cook them for five minutes a side, depending on how thick you left the strips. If you like to temp your chicken, you’re looking for 165 degrees.

•

Squeeze some more fresh lime and drizzle the olive oil before serving on a platter.

4-6 servings Active Prep Time: 20 minutes Active Grill Time: 20-25 minutes Note: Marinate a few hours before if you can, but an hour or two will also do the trick.

Ingredients: • 3 lb chicken breast or thighs (we prefer thighs for the grill) • 1½ cups Greek yogurt, 2% or higher (we use whole) • ¼ olive oil • 1 tsp paprika or Aleppo pepper (our fave) • ¼ tsp turmeric • 2 tsp salt

Grilled Ramps

• 1 tsp pepper • 1 tsp saffron • 1 whole lime, juiced, pips removed • ½ a lime, cut (for drizzling) • 1 tbsp olive oil (for drizzling) • 6 (or so) skewers. If you are using wooden skewers, soak them in water for at least 30 minutes, or for the hour while you’re marinating the chicken. I usually soak more skewers than I think I’ll need.

4-6 servings Active Prep Time: 10 minutes Active Grill Time: 2-4 minutes These are one of our favorite summer sides. If you cannot find ramps, you can use garlic shoots or spring onions (these are larger than a green onion and bigger than a leek, but most groceries and markets carry them now). They’re also one of the easiest grill items to make, but don’t let their humble nature fool you. They pack a punch. We grill them right after we grill the chicken, as they don’t take very long.

Directions

Ingredients:

•

• 1 lb of ramps

Cut the breast in one-and-a-half inch pieces, big enough for skewers. If using chicken thighs, I cut them in strips so I can thread them on the skewers.

•

Steep the saffron in the lime juice for 15-20 minutes.

•

Combine the yogurt, olive oil, saffron/lime juice mixture, Aleppo pepper, turmeric, and mix well. We put it in a gallon Ziploc.

•

Add the chicken and let it sit in the fridge as long as you can before you grill.

•

This gets messy, but it’s worth it: put the chicken on skewers!

•

Preheat the grill to high, about 400-450 degrees.

• 2 tbsp olive oil • salt and pepper to taste

Directions •

Clean and trim the ramps.

•

Place them in a baking pan or lasagna pan and toss with the olive oil, salt, and pepper.

•

Turn the grill up to medium heat and place them on the hottest portion of the grill, and cook until charred and tender, about two minutes (and depending on size, up to four).

Jillian cooks daily and bakes bread every weekend, foraging from the fresh markets and forests of the Pacific Northwest. Jillian fell in love with cooking early in life, before she could even reach the stove, alongside her Grandma Fraioli. Jillian has been on staff at restaurants such as Emeril’s Fish House in Las Vegas, NV (as Pastry Chef), and Serafina and Tango in Seattle, WA. While she may have ended her career in restaurants many lives ago, her undying passion for feeding her family and friends will be her continued legacy. You may find her, along with her cats, bread loaves, and copious amounts of knitting, if that’s your jam, on Instagram @yarnologie

June 2019 | 29

Welcome to Booze 101 with

Liz

Not Your Book Club’s Chianti

by Liz Crowe

h…Vino. Fruit of the Vine. Plonk (if you’re British. More on this later). The Bubbly. Mama Juice. No matter what you call it, wine is…well, fine. I’m a big fan. Always have been. One of my favorite English ex-pat stories is when my kid’s private school held a “sports day.” This is when each house competes with the others in weird games like “rounders” (funky baseball), “netball” (kind of, but not really

30 | The Brick Magazine

basketball—only for girls, btw), and, to my surprise, games that were more or less PTO’d out of existence in the U.S. like Red Rover and kickball. “Plan to bring a picnic for your kids and yourself that day,” the teachers said to me. “Cool,” I said. I packed accordingly. You know, string cheese, PB&J, apples, juice boxes all around—hooray for

box, put my lips on it as I watched all the other (and I mean all) moms pull out bottles of white and rosé and champagne and pop those suckers open. No lie. We are on school grounds. And boozing it up. Someone smiled and passed me a glass, while simultaneously plucking the offending juice box from my fingers and handing it to one of my kids. I had found my people. Wine is a great social lubricant at almost every event. It’s cheaper than hard liquor, and less gassy than beer. You can always find it at wedding receptions, art gallery openings, wakes, and (apparently) school picnics. I sell wine and beer for a living. I’m almost a legit expert on beer (about to take my Certified Cicerone exam at the time of writing). It’s a tough test with a ten-page written section and two difficult tasting portions. As for wine, well…let’s say I’m an appreciator, but the advantage of living in Europe awhile is that I got to experience really great French, Italian, and Spanish wines in situ, as it were. Now I’m getting a crash course in the stuff and have had a fair bit of success taking over some restaurant menus from “house” to upscale and am getting plenty of insights into current trends. But honestly, I know what I like. Just like you do, I’m guessing. I drink wine according to my moods and, to some extent, the season. I learned this in (again) England—a country that averages four pubs per block. This is not an exaggeration. It’s the booziest country I’ve personally experienced. Work lunches almost always involve a beer or glass of wine.

mom! (Remind me to tell you about the packed lunch inferiority complex I got in Japan someday!)

At that same school (you know, the one with the white wine picnic), our Christmas Pageant included mulled wine punch. I got into some habits during my two years as a trailing spouse and mom of three in my pink stucco house in Billericay, Essex. Habits that I only realized once we’d repatriated for good at the behest of my oldest who said, at thirteen, that he was sick of being the only American kid at school.

I get there. I spread out the blanket. I watch some of the bizarre-o games. The kids show up and I open the super cute plastic picnic basket I got in Japan and pull out the juice boxes. Then I get that funny, tingly feeling. The one you get when people are staring at you in horror/ sympathy. I slowly poked the straw into the top of the

At my first reunion with friends—I will never forget this— we were having lunch at Zingerman’s Roadhouse, and the waitress asked for our order and I said “Bloody Mary.” At eleven forty-five in the morning. On a Wednesday. The glances of “Oh, so that’s how it is now, is it?” brought me crashing right back to U.S. soil, I can tell you. Mind you, I

Photo by Andres Gomez

June 2019 | 31

didn’t get polluted on a regular basis in England. Drinking was simply more incorporated into the tapestry of society. A glass or two of wine with dinner every night. Bloody Mary lunches with one or two of my fellow ex-pat wives. It was what we did. It was what I got used to. It’s different here, and the only way to understand that is to experience it first-hand. Current trends indicate that the reds are on the upswing. When asked, I will always take a red wine over white. Cabernet or a big fat Italian Valpolicella or a spicy Zinfandel. Spring and summer I’m reaching for a fruity Pinot Noir or smooth Malbec. However, sometimes, I’m going for a grape-fruity Sauvignon Blanc or an unoaked Chardonnay. I’ll rarely turn down a glass of great champagne or prosecco, and am recently into a few of the fruitier whites—even (yes, I’m saying this) a nice rosé. Wines are fun, to be honest. And experimenting with different varieties and new blends is even more fun. I have a few suggestions to make, if you’ll indulge me. As we plunge headlong into spring, it’s time to make room on the wine shelf for some white wines. Those who know me best will be all “Whoa, recommending whites much? Really?” And to them I say, “Yep. Now pay attention. Take notes.”

Photo by Kelsey Chance

32 | The Brick Magazine

I’m a total fan of a white blend from the Wagner family vineyards. “Conundrum” is

Photo by Kelsey Chance

a great name for it. It means riddle, puzzle, quandary, dilemma. And these blends (there’s a red one, too) are just that. The white blend is delicious, refreshing, perfect to pair with spicy foods or to sip with friends. The white one is the most sublime blend of Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc, Semillon, Muscat Canelli, and Viognier I’ve ever experienced. It’s fruity, but not sweet. It’s complex enough to make you say “Wow” when you taste it, and complex enough to be a puzzle, an enigma. I highly recommend it. You can find it at most upscale wine shops. If not, just ask. The “white Zin” trend has morphed into a “rosé” one that frankly, I welcome. Rosé wines have a sort of cider-like, fruitier experience that’s more interesting than white Zinfandel. And there are plenty of options these days. Some of the best rosés come from France, but I tried one that’s pinot noir based out of Oregon that if you can find it, you should snag it. Gran Moraine comes from an area famous for hops growing—the Willamette Valley, which is also famous for the heartbreak of pinot noir growing. I had

the 2017 vintage. It was well-balanced with the sort of dry finish I prefer. Ask your favorite wine shop to find it for you. You won’t be sorry. Rieslings are enjoying a resurgence in popularity lately. And they appeal to me, given their apple, peach, pear, and apricot essences. I feel like I’m comparing a lot of these wines to cider, which I’m also digging these days, but there you go. Amazon best-selling author, mom of three, brewery founder, craft beer marketing consultant, and avid sports fan, Liz Crowe is a Kentucky native and graduate of the University of Louisville currently living in Ann Arbor. She has decades of experience in sales, public relations, and fundraising, plus an eight-year stint as a three-continent, ex-pat trailing spouse, all of which provide ongoing idea fodder for novels and other projects. http://www.facebook.com/lizcroweauthor (fan page) http://www.twitter.com/ETLizCrowe

June 2019 | 33

34 | The Brick Magazine

Entertaining Is as Easy as 1, 2, 3! by Tiffany Edison

love to entertain! I love beautiful surroundings in my home. These things are a match made in heaven. In fact, being the “hostess with the most-est” was bred into me at a very young age. I have vivid memories of following my mother around the kitchen as she gathered items in preparation for a party. She would stand on a step-stool reaching into the cabinets above, handing down platters, pitchers, and vases in sheer delight! She had a vision that I was not privy to, yet I knew full-well that she would have our home looking beautiful and primed for memory-making with friends galore. To this day, I cannot pinpoint where my mother’s gift for entertaining was born, as her upbringing was anything but privileged. Growing up with a mother who was quite strict and conservative, she was told often that anything lavish or excessive was “foolish” and “unnecessary.” It was not by example that my mom could turn any gathering into an incredible evening of merriment for friends and family.

have served me well. I was also fortunate to have a very wise woman share another entertaining tip with me as well. She highly encouraged me to be relaxed, knowing that I had done my preparation: my home was clean and ready, my table was set and ready, and my makeup and heels were in place. She subscribed to the philosophy that having a glass of wine before having a house full of people could be relaxing and that energy would put all guests at ease; I have found this to be true. Call me old-fashioned, but I would like to think that people still enjoy hosting dinner parties today, despite the plethora of restaurants available to us. The primary reason I entertain is for that opportunity for guests to relax in my home, as I have arranged it to be lovely yet ultimately comfortable. As the years have passed, I’ve added many of my own rules for entertaining, and most are quite simple. The key is in the preparation. I am sure you have heard of the adage “Fail to plan, plan to fail.” So just make a list—it’s as easy as one, two, three (or as I have come to say, the “three P’s”):

There were three rules regarding entertaining which Mom passed on to me, and I rely on each.

Pairing:

One, always empty the dishwasher prior to guests arriving. Two, make sure that music is cued and candles are lit—“Everyone looks better by candlelight,” she would say definitively. And lastly, make sure to invite your two best friends to arrive thirty minutes early, as “nobody likes to be the first to arrive”. I have found that all of these things

The guest list and menu are critical to the recipe for fun. Just like fine wine with the perfect cheese, the friends you invite and the food you present are the foundation. I like to invite an eclectic mix of old friends, new neighbors, colleagues, and anyone who strikes my fancy. It can be exciting, and new friendships can form from the bonding that occurs in the comforts of home entertaining. You

June 2019 | 35

never know just what lively conversation or spontaneous dancing might erupt! A gathering in your home lends itself perfectly to loud music and hearty laughter without the risk of bothering those at another table a few feet away. When I host, I like to provide all that we will need for a delightful evening. However, when friends insist on bringing something, then wine it is! It’s always a hit, and absolutely adds to the ambience to see the counter island full of multiple bottles congregating, which encourages guests to imbibe and sample something new. I design a menu that reflects the demands and constraints with real life in mind, such as what is readily available, and the amount of time I’m able to dedicate to the preparation of the evening meal. I like to have a few appetizers premade, requiring only heating before things get going, in tandem with those specialty items that I labor over. Most people have a dish they are known for, and I strongly recommend to always have this on the menu.

36 | The Brick Magazine

Preparing your home: This does not need to be overwhelming. Again, make a list, taking note of these tried-and-true tips. It is likely that some furniture items may need to be removed from the main entertaining space to allow for better traffic flow. Likewise, additional seating may also be needed, so make sure to plan accordingly. Prepare a fire with extra wood at the ready. Prepare to refill the platters of appetizers and have more than enough ice for drinks and ice buckets. Prepare all rooms, as you may not know which will be utilized for the overflow of coats and purses. Display your prettiest guest hand-towels in the bathroom. Candles and flowers in all rooms are a great touch, and ensure that all rooms glow and smell wonderful. The table needs to be special as well! Due to the fact that I have always been a person that likes to “gather” (and by that I mean to shop!), I adore hunting and gathering treasures for the home, whether it’s for my own or for

client projects. Personally, I collect antique dishes and always look for opportunities to use them, mixing different patterns and colors. Call me a design geek, but I get really excited about hosting dinner parties that allow my theme to flow from these visual objects. It’s not uncommon for these treasured items to inspire the floral centerpiece or the meal planning inspiration for my home gatherings. Because I am a firm believer in concept of “the more the merrier,” very few things please me more than spontaneity, and if that includes extra guests—wonderful! I’m always ready for extra guests. In the interior design business, we call this the fudge factor. The concept is simple: when ordering tile and fabric, get more! This is generally about a 15% overage of product. The same rule applies to entertaining. Have more food then guests, just in case.

Pizzazz is the final ingredient: This is open-ended and difficult to articulate, yet essential when creating a gathering that’s out of the ordinary. We all have this ability; it comes in many forms, from the way we dress for the occasion, to the music we select, the invitation we’ve sent, and the specialty “house” drink we may be serving. Sometimes a guest will actually do the worm on the living room floor, sometimes you have to be more strategic in eliciting hidden talents and great

La Tanya Keith, CRB, CRS, LTG Associate Broker

Office: 734.821.0789 Cell: 734.657.4174 LaTanyaKeith@kw.com • www.LaTanyaKeith.com

Top of the line service, bottom line....results! conversation. I love playing games and will often get out my Table Topics set of cards, which almost always induces great sharing of past stories and future hopes and dreams. My mother would say a party needs a hook or gimmick or theme. I now say pizzazz! When it’s all said and done and the guests are heading out, don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t clean up—it can certainly wait for tomorrow. That is, unless your best friends hang around a little longer to lend a hand in the clean-up. After all, the music is still cranked up, there’s leftover wine, and the dishwasher is empty. Cheers and thanks, Mom! Tiffany Edison has been an interior designer since 2002, and specializes in both residential and commercial projects. She holds a Master of Social Work degree (ACSW) and utilizes interpersonal relationship skills on a daily basis with her client base, largely comprised of Ann Arbor and Metro Detroit residents. She has a wonderfully large blended family residing in the city and enjoys the comforts of home. When she’s not fully immersed in client projects, you can find her active on the golf course, a favorite pastime. www.birchdesignassociates.com I also am active on Instagram @birchdesignassociates.

June 2019 | 37

Mindful Medical Testing by Kellie Mox

Medical testing, while necessary and beneficial at times, is not foolproof and ought not to be the only measure of our health.

I’ve been through a lot of medical testing in my life. Living with a mysterious, chronic illness seems to be an invitation for doctors to poke you, scan you, and attempt to measure the imperceptible workings of your inner landscape. Even after a diagnosis, the testing continues in an effort to assess treatment or the degree of cure.

My journey led me to take a new approach to testing, one that is grounded in my own research, mindfulness, and self-awareness, one that supports growth and healing. No lab test or resulting diagnosis can catalyze a cure or measure healing; we can only do that as we learn to listen to our bodies, nurture our wholeness, and trust our intuition. We must take the reins and decide how we want to heal.

’m forty-two years old, and I haven’t had a mammogram. This shocks some of my friends, especially because my mother had breast cancer. However, I’ve made the decision to delay testing only after careful consideration and consultation with doctors I trust.

Year after year, I found myself seated in those hard, plastic-coated chairs, nervously awaiting test results under the buzzing fluorescent lights. Year after year, I was initially told by well-meaning specialists that nothing was wrong with me, despite feeling ill. Then, after further testing, I was diagnosed with idiopathic diseases of one form or another and told they must be managed with pharmaceuticals for the rest of my life. When I finally received a positive result from a Lyme disease test, one clinician said that I didn’t have Lyme because I didn’t remember a tick bite – leaving me to decide what all these test results actually meant. Testing, I learned, isn’t always as straightforward as we’d like to believe. If a doctor has ever told you that “It’s all in your head” when your tests appear normal and you feel anything but well, you may know what I mean.

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A New Approach

Medical testing is something we all encounter in our lives. I’ve learned a lot through my personal experience and my public health education, and I believe we should enter into any test, even a routine one, with thoughtfulness and intention. That way we are prepared for all that comes with it, and we can take charge of our healing and advocate for ourselves and our families. Here are a few questions to ask in order to do that.

Why Test?

You may be considering a standard screening test or digging into the cause of a symptom. We often test to understand our risks so we can try to prevent disease, or we may be gathering information to assess treatment plans. Whatever your why, it impacts what you do with the result. I ask myself these questions: Is the test

necessary? What do I want to get out of this test, and can it give me that? Will the information gleaned change my course of treatment? Will the results, positive or negative, prompt me to change my behavior?

What Tests?

You get a say in which tests you have done. It’s okay, and sometimes necessary, to ask questions, get second opinions, and do your own research, even about simple blood tests. You can think about it. You can explore non-conventional testing options. Once you have all the information you need, it’s a good time to practice honoring your intuition and trusting your gut.

When to Test?

One of my recent follow-up tests revealed what could have been perceived as a setback in my pancreatic function. But I had been fighting an infection when I did the test, and in the past, when my system has been under duress, my pancreas is one organ that feels the stress. It wasn’t until later that I understood how the timing of the test was relevant. When we choose to test is important. Clearly, in lifethreatening situations, the same rules may not apply. But for routine blood tests, for example, it’s worth taking into consideration the circumstances of our lives. You can delay a test if you need more time.

Weighing the Pros and Cons

Every test deserves careful consideration. Screening versus diagnostic versus follow-up testing may require weighing different factors. Genetics, family history, personal risk factors, personal protective factors, cost, invasiveness, risks of having the test versus not having the test, and impact on the overall healthcare system may all affect your decision. There is much research on the topic of medical testing, and studies have shown that indiscriminate testing is harmful because of the billions of dollars in costs associated with it. Furthermore, we need to consider the stress and anxiety that can come from a false positive or transient result. And of course, some tests come with very real risks that may not outweigh the benefits.

What I’ve Learned About Testing as It Relates to Healing

We need to build trust in ourselves to make decisions about our own healthcare. You have a powerful tool inside you. Whether you call it gut instinct or intuition, it’s yours and it’s there for you. When we make health-related decisions based on our intuition rather than on fear, our choices feel right and bring us closer to the answers we seek. Healthcare providers can give us information and guidance. What we do with it is ultimately up to us.

Tests don’t measure our wholeness.

Standard tests don’t assess where stress or trauma is stored in our bodies or how our thoughts and patterns impact the operation of this intricate system. The body is complex, with millions of processes happening on a cellular level at any given time. There is a mystery and art to the science of the body, which we can appreciate when we begin to understand how the body operates in connection with the mind, emotions, and spirit. When we recognize the complexity of the human system and nurture our wholeness, we can shift from being a victim of our illness to being a powerful creator of healing. This is what we miss when we rely only on tests to measure the state of our health.

Healing isn’t measurable.

Healing can’t be assessed by any one test or method. How you feel in your body, mind, and spirit is something you can only know in yourself. I’ve had tests tell me that all is well when I felt like I was dying. And I’ve had tests tell me that something isn’t working right when I’m feeling my best. No test has been able to tell me how much I’ve healed a past trauma or my relationship with myself, both of which have had the most impact on my physical health. Thankfully, more research is being done on the mind-body connection, and we can measure the powerful healing effects of things like meditation and mindfulness on the functioning of the immune system. Nevertheless, we should remember that true healing happens independent of positive or negative tests and that our subjective experience matters. I re-evaluate my decision to delay the mammogram each year, taking into account the context of my current life circumstances. My situation is not yours, and I would not suggest that anyone else choose my path. Rather, I encourage you to approach testing with thoughtfulness, self-awareness, and intention. When we embrace this approach, we make a shift that gives power to our personal healing process and allows us to decide how we measure our health. Kellie Mox catalyzes revolutionary healing for women through powerful conversations and whole-health mentoring. She is passionate about authentic, meaningful connections—to self, others, and the world—and believes that healing flourishes when we strengthen these connections and embrace our wholeness. Kellie is a certified coach and a student of homeopathic medicine with a master’s in health behavior & health education. She works with women virtually and in-person from her home base in Ann Arbor, Michigan. www.instagram.com/kelliemox/ www.facebook.com/kelliemoxcoachingandhealing/

June 2019 | 39

WOMAN ON THE STREET

Our Favorite Things

by Stella Orange Photo by Bruce Mars

ur test kitchen has been busy experimenting with all kinds of goodness to make your life feel, well…better. Our methods may be slightly unconventional, but our testers have been rigorous with their trials. With summer in full swing, here are their tried-and-true picks to give your day a boost:

you smooch your sweetie, hook your arm into your walking buddy’s elbow, or bend down to pet the neighbor’s miniature horse is up to you. Play around with making your affection visible to those around you.

Public displays of affection

Receiving fun paper mail (or a serendipitous phone call) is a great pleasure. But for many of us, our days and brains are already so full—it’s a good day if we can put on pants before leaving the house, let alone remember the dates our people joined the party on planet earth. Start small. Pick

No, we’re not talking about teenagers making out in an alley or corny photos of wrinkly old people holding hands. We’re talking about going public with your love and care for others, in whatever way suits you. Whether 40 | The Brick Magazine

Sending cards to someone you love on their birthday

one person you want to celebrate, and then pick up the phone or a greeting card when you’ve got five minutes. If the thought of figuring out when their actual birthday is stresses you out, send a belated birthday greeting.

Ignoring social media If looking at feeds, scrolling, and swiping leaves you feeling hollow and slightly sad, eject. Our testers report finding more time for more pleasurable hobbies, like making out in public, sending cards to people on their birthdays, or reading more poetry and fiction.

‘How To Survive the End of the World’ podcast Sisters Autumn Brown and adrienne maree brown started this project in 2017 to facilitate “learning from the apocalypse with grace, rigor, and curiosity.” The writers, activists, and facilitators go deep on topics ranging from ancestor wisdom to social justice movements to climate vulnerability. It sounds dark, but it’s the clearest-eyed, grounded, and uplifting work on imagining our future as a species that our testers have come across in their travels. Find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Pretending your home is a castle Our testers have been experimenting with the idea of home as a miniature kingdom over which they rule. As the king (we use the term devoid of gender; women can be kings, too) of the realm, how is the state of your kingdom? Are its borders well-fortified and maintained? Are the royal coffers robust and healthy? Are its subjects generally peaceful, or is dissatisfaction burgeoning, threatening revolt? For some reason, pretending you’re royalty ruling over a country a skosh smaller than Monaco or Liechtenstein is way more generative and exciting than the regular-old being responsible.

Spending too long in the bathtub Before writing this article, our testers took a midday bath, which was so long that the other people in their household were knocking on the door and wondering what on this good earth we were doing in there. We were listening to the Bossa Nova channel by candlelight in the middle of the day, sitting in hot water with Epsom salts, baking soda, and bubbles with a Korean face mask. Oh, and deep conditioning our hair with banana, honey, and olive oil. Oh, and reading a magazine. We’re planning on taking an evening bath every night this week, for the sheer

decadence and joy of it. If the idea of baths doesn’t gross you out, give it a whirl.

Drinking beverages and eating snacks After a spring trip to Europe, our testers have become somewhat evangelical about the beauty and restoration of a morning hot beverage, afternoon tea, and the occasional evening libation. “Europeans are no dummies,” the sermon goes; “They sit in cafes drinking coffees in the morning and afternoons, or beer or the local booze in the late afternoon and evening. It’s really just an excuse to be social, or take stock of the day, or rest one’s feet, or take a break.” In our testers’ kingdoms, regular beverage breaks are now customary across the realm, and have improved morale by thirty percent.

Befriending the baker, the tailor, and the coffee-maker Our testers may not know who makes candlesticks locally anymore, but they make a point of chatting up the people who make their bread and fancy weekend coffee. They chat up Joe, too, the guy who owns the tailor shop they’ve paid to mend everything from a reusable lunch bag to a fabric satchel with a too-long strap. While our tester’s husband, a more reserved sort, is all “Why are you talking to those strangers, honey?,” we know that communities are built one conversation at a time. A little banter with the guy who works at the pet supply store is good for the soul.

Writing in the mornings This time of year, it’s easy to get swept away in all the doing and bustle of summer activities. But after they brush their teeth and empty the dishwasher, our testers report the first thing they do is sit in a quiet spot for their daily writing practice. And that it has made all the difference to the quality and enjoyment of the rest of the day. Part contemplation, part exploration of what has yet to happen, writing for fifteen or thirty minutes in the morning— whatever it takes to feel like you’re ready to join the world—sets your life right, getting you out of reactivity or much of whatever else may be sapping your life force. What king wouldn’t benefit from this?

Stella Orange is a copywriter and co-founder of Las Peregrinas, a business advising and marketing service company. Find out more about her work at www.lasperegrinas.org

June 2019 | 41

Fresh and Fresher

by Marilyn A. Pellini

he word “fresh” comes to mind whenever I think of the fruits and vegetables of summer. Whether you grow them yourself, go to the farmer’s market or even the supermarket at that time of year, you are bound to get beautiful color and crisp crunch with every bite. Have you ever gone to your own garden in the process of making BLTs and picked a perfectly ripe tomato to slip between the lettuce and bacon, one still hot from the summer sun? Yum! What a treat. A taste all its own. When tending a garden, one spends a great deal of time in the out-of-doors, in the fresh air and probably with a hose in hand, making sure that the plants get the perfect amount of clear, clean water as often in summer rain is in short supply. In this special season, garden flowers will be flourishing, and a fresh bouquet can be quickly gathered to make the indoors as inviting as the outdoors. Most supermarkets do carry already made-up bouquets of flowers, but the varieties we plant in our yards are often both the usual and unusual. We put in our favorites 42 | The Brick Magazine

and try for varieties the deer don’t think of as “deer lollipops.” The term “fresh as a daisy” comes to mind while talking of summer flowers. This term of course has a double meaning. Surely daisies do always look fresh with their lovely, bright, yellow color dancing atop slender, pert stems, but people too can imitate that crisp, perfect, vibrant look and also be as fresh as any daisy. My mom used to hang her wash out on a clothesline long after she had gotten a washer and dryer. She did not think stripping the beds each week insured fresh linen unless it had been plucked from the line after flapping in the breeze for hours. There was something so special about that smell. Now once in a while, I can recapture that essence when I leave my bathing suit and towel over my chair at the pool overnight to dry. There is actually a whole season of “fresh” that occurs whenever we experience springtime. The breezes are strong as the March winds usher in the first glimpses of newness to our environment. Budding trees, the springing

of flowers, the greening of the grass, all so fresh and new. Baby birds and newborn animals bring a change from the previous dull, drab winter season. All seems to come alive once again. Time to spruce up outside our homes. Perhaps a fresh coat of paint for the now tired, worn-looking color. Some people love a project they can tackle themselves and paint one side each year, while others prefer to have it freshened every few years, and sometimes even go with a completely new color scheme. Both the start of a new year or the coming of spring often bring a fresh start in many matters. For example, we may want to change our eating habits, which can precipitate our desire to lose weight. Often we have the mindset of adding more fruits, vegetables, and water to our diets and eliminating those empty carbs, but now all we have to do is put this into action and not relegate it to mañana as we usually do. We all have some degree of personal, work, or home problems that need to be addressed, but we put off solving them time and time again. We have all promised to get to those neglected household chores or lapsed relationships. How often have we promised ourselves we should ask for a raise, or at the very least a transfer to the department we are longing to work in? It is apparent, however, that some of us need to change jobs altogether and make a fresh start. Haven’t we all met up with the nurse who doesn’t like sick people, the hairdresser who gives all her clients the same hairstyle, or the waitress in an empty restaurant who is too busy setting up tables to pick up our order sitting in plain view and getting cold? A whole new arena is what many of these people need. A lesser salary may have to be the norm for a while, but when you are happy at your work, it’s more likely you will quickly get promotions. You are more likely to come up with some novel, fresh ideas for your company, too. With a fresh eye, you are likely to spot areas that need improvement. The summer before I started college, I was lucky enough to land a job working for an insurance company. All calls came directly to our office, as cellphones were just beginning to be phased in. With adjusters in and out all day on cases, it was hard to keep track of them, and the office staff was constantly shouting back and forth to try to locate the person who was being called. I noticed an empty blackboard along the side wall and asked my boss what it was used for. She explained that if there was a team meeting or a speaker was brought in, they might need it.

I suggested that every time an adjuster left the office, he might sign out and note his expected time of return. After a couple of weeks I refined my idea by saying each of the adjuster’s names should be permanently affixed to the top of the blackboard in alphabetical order. It was immediately put into effect and did work very well. I think because I was just a kid with a temporary job, no one felt threatened by my suggestions and fresh ideas. Being a former teacher, there is one aspect of the word “fresh” that I am all too familiar with, and that is fresh talk and fresh behavior. Some students are just plain uncooperative and not at all interested in getting an education. They are constantly speaking out and hoping to stir up others in the class. You can talk privately with that student, hoping to turn them around, but often the rapport you build up is shortlived. A call to a parent is sometimes the magic potent, other times it falls on deaf ears, as often they too are at a loss as to how to control their child. The school principal can be a great asset as students know he holds in his hands the decision of whether to expel them or not. My last year of teaching dealt me this exact student. Not really a bad kind of kid, just a plain itch. I met with him privately during one of his study hall periods. After discussing just how disruptive his behavior was, I asked if he thought there was any reason for his needing so much attention. His answer stunned me. “It’s simple,” he said, “I have this brilliant older brother who is going to Harvard next year, and a really cute little sister who is doted on by the whole family, and then there is me.” I couldn’t help but laugh at his insightfulness, as he had me astounded. I suggested he tell his parents what we had just discussed, as I was sure they would be more than happy to heap more attention and praise on him in return for good behavior at school. It totally worked. He and I got along lots better, and he proved to be a much better student than anyone had suspected. He eliminated the negative aspect of the word “fresh”, and became the real “breath of fresh air” our classroom really needed. Marilyn Pellini has recently published a grief book titled Dear Al, A Widow’s Struggles and Remembrances. Her other credits as a writer include recent articles in Brick Magazine titled “Memories in My Button Jar” and “Restructuring My World,” pieces in Westchester Parent Magazine, Bay State Parent Magazine, On The Water, Balanced Rock and others. In May 2018, she took the first place prize in the NY State Federation of Women’s Clubs writing contest.

June 2019 | 43

Boosting Your Signal-to-Noise Ratio

by Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC

Photo by Le Minh Phuong

44 | The Brick Magazine

“Remember…the entrance to the sanctuary is inside you.” ~ Rumi

ello? Is the signal coming through? Can you hear what is essential to recognize in your own inner dialogue? Are you attending to exactly what your sweet, beautiful heart is calling out for amid the day-to-day rumblings filling your head? Just what, specifically, does it take for you to listen carefully to yourself? Have you ever really thought about this? How do you heed whatever noteworthy inner messages or intuitive callings you receive? If you can’t first hear yourself and attend to your own deep knowings, how can you expect another to listen to and hear you? It is essential to attend to our own inner whispers before they can even begin to transform, under the warmth of self-compassion, into meaningful, radiantly powerful communications with others. I love to remind my coaching clients that we can only make ourselves meaningfully understood if we are first listening for, and then to, our own inner truths. To express ourselves authentically, we must first dig deep and listen intensely and mindfully to what is inside us. Only then can we connect to others in a way that builds profoundly rich, dynamic, juicy relationships. So how do you break through, hearing your inner signals over the noise of random chatter, judgmental thoughts, or negative self-talk? Here are some key things to keep in mind to help boost one’s signal-to-noise ratio, first with one’s self, and then between yourself and others. Listening to your body is the perfect place to begin. Our bodies are always communicating massive amounts of valuable information. We just need to tune in. Critical data is discovered when you notice what you might otherwise tend to write off as mere physical discomfort (or body chatter, if you will). Such data, for example, might be symptoms such as headaches, digestive issues, acne or facial breakouts, sudden trips and falls, under- or over-eating, etc. With sometimes just mere seconds of reflection, you can often quickly and intuitively recognize what you are feeling or thinking based on a body state or symptom. I’ve learned, for instance, to take due note when I’m walking and take a

little stumble. More often than not, this happens when I’m totally “in my head,” thinking specifically about something someone has done that has upset or hurt me. Sadly, it occasionally takes a little tumble to get me to register the emotional impact of a painful exchange. This is not something I’m especially proud to admit, but it is a prime example of how the noise in my head can momentarily distract me from an emotional reality I have yet to register. Mindful body awareness then helps me connect the two. And usually without major incident! Another key way to deepen one’s awareness of self while lowering unhelpful internal noise volume happens by cultivating a regular, simple meditation practice. There is good reason why this has been an age-old practice. Meditation is really the place where we can meet ourselves full-on. Practicing meditation can help your mind and your senses settle. Quieting those distracting, internal rumblings—a mind, for instance, that continually wanders—allows unnecessary, unhelpful thoughts to recede. Then, almost magically in the midst of the clearing, crucial underlying awarenesses and intuitive knowings surface. A pathway opens. Your way becomes clear as the thoughts you really need to attend to surface. Inside your confusion, pain, stress, or even pleasure-seeking, one can often find, through the calming and training of your mind, essential elements of your authentic self you are being called upon to recognize or reclaim. Boom. The signal suddenly runs loud and clear. You receive information you most need from yourself to yourself. And as a bit of icing on the cake, do know that most typically, the signals you’ll receive are frequently heart-opening bits of information. Delicious indeed. Another means of sharpening your internal signal-tonoise ratio is by practicing the art of self-compassion. Gentle, tender self-compassion goes a long way in quieting problematic thoughts and anxieties. Many people struggle with a tendency to focus on ways they do not like themselves, perfecting unhelpful talents of harshly judging, devaluing, or distrusting themselves. Beating yourself up in this fashion can only create negative energy, anxiety, and June 2019 | 45

“At the center of your being, you have the answer. You know who you are, and you know what you want.” ~ Rumi Photo by Amy Shamblen

Photo by Darius Bashar

self-hatred. It’s pretty darn hard to trust positive signals from your beautiful self when you put yourself down in the same breath. Words matter. Words matter a lot, as does the tone that we use when we talk, first to ourselves and then to others. Practice the art of careful word and tone choice when addressing yourself. So again, testing one, two, three…Are you accepting and loving toward yourself? You will gain not only a great, happy state of being, but also the benefit of keeping intuitive pathways of deep self-knowledge open and accessible. Treat yourself with the care and gentleness you desire from others. Watch as you then experience a sense of inner calm and relaxation. Notice how this enables you to hear yourself loud and clear and sweetly. Simple, powerful, and profound at the same time. If our personal operating system is in good running order, and we know what is rolling internally on our emotional landscapes, we are going to be much more capable when it comes to communicating with others. And since we are

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beings wired for connection, honoring one’s inner landscape is a primary step toward cultivating and nourishing good relationships. We hold within ourselves an unlimited source of rich feelings, wisdom, and inspiration. And, as it has been said, in many ways and by many people, what we seek is already inside us. Our primary job then, when it comes to boosting our signal-to-noise ratio, is to mindfully honor our internal world. To mine the gold within. When we can trust what we know, feel, and believe, our signal shines bright and strong. The noise ceases and we are guided home.

Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC is a certified Life Coach in Ann Arbor, MI who loves empowering adolescents, adults, and couples to live from the HEART of what really matters to them so that they can bring their fully expressed, vibrant selves into the world. She has a special gift for helping women reclaim their feminine power, and embrace their radiant, sensual, sexy spirits. Their lives transform. They soar into their mid-life magnificence! www.lifeempowermentcoaching.com

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June 2019 | 47

What Happens When You Compare Yourself to Others

by Joan Ridsdel

was wandering around the bookstore some time ago, taking my time to browse through the shelves of so many intriguing-looking books, when a woman about my height and age caught my eye.

or something. It flashes in your mind that you’re being judged in some way. I’m sure I didn’t stare at her for too many minutes, but within those moments I had a quick conversation with myself that shocked me.

She seemed immersed in the book she was holding, oblivious to anyone around her. I was glad, because I didn’t want her to catch me watching her. You know how it is, when you look up and someone’s looking at you, and you wonder if you’ve buttoned up your shirt wrong

Why would I even think to compare my weight, size, shape, and appearance to another woman?

48 | The Brick Magazine

It was as if the car I was driving suddenly went on autopilot, taking me in a direction I knew I didn’t want

to go in. I worked so hard to banish the very questions I found myself asking about whether my body was larger or smaller than hers, or whether I looked fatter, or whether I looked as attractive as she did. Have you ever wondered why we engage in comparisons of our bodies and weight (or age, status, money, work, friends, etc.)? It’s hard not to when we live in a society that promotes comparisons. The diet industry and the diet culture we live in does an amazing job at inviting us to compare ourselves against each other, resulting in feelings of failure, of thinking we’re lesser-than, or engaging in diet behaviors that are restrictive and sometimes dangerous.

When we compare ourselves to others, we end up focusing on what we don’t like about ourselves. Comparisons of weight and size, no matter how big or small our bodies are, shift our attention away from accepting and caring for these amazing vehicles and valuing who we are. When we zero in on someone else to determine whether we are okay or not, we give away our power and confidence. While we measure our worth against a predetermined measurement such as BMI or a number on the scale, and bow to the diet industry that makes billions from people’s vulnerability and shame when dieting fails, we must ask ourselves, “What’s wrong with this picture?”

With thinness as the measure of beauty and happiness, girls from a young age heed the message that their bodies need to be slim to fit in and dieting is the gateway to ensuring a place at the table. We grow up believing that unless we can be thin, there is something inherently wrong with us and that we are somehow broken.

We know that yo-yo dieting, emotional eating, overeating, and all things disordered eating (not to mention eating disorders) result because of not believing we are good enough in some way and that no matter how hard we try, our bodies betray us in our fight to fit within this diet industry’s standard. No wonder we compare ourselves to others.

We compare ourselves with others who appear to be successful on their weight-loss journey and who seem to have it all together, whose place at the table seems permanent.

What if we took a fresh, new approach? Imagine for a moment a society that valued all bodies without judgement about size and weight. What would it be like if the diet industry changed its trajectory and stopped

Photo by Dennis Magati

When we assure our bodies that we are safe, that food is available to nourish us, and we mindfully manage our emotions and stress, weight settles to where it is meant to be. It is different for each of us. Tired of comparing yourself to others? Ready to step into your power? A fresh start, a whole new way of thinking, feeling, and taking action can be yours. Here’s how to begin:

Photo by Garon Piceli

Start by listening to your own inner voice as you compare yourself to someone else. What do you say to yourself about you, your body, how you look, etc.? Write your thoughts down.

Notice the feelings you experience because of your thoughts. How do you want to feel?

Now, change the conversation. What thoughts do you need to think to feel better about you? What would you say to your child or best friend? Write all of them down.

As you say these new thoughts to yourself, notice how you feel. Even though it might feel awkward, these new thoughts are the ones to practice and the ones that will help you shift out of old behaviors to a new fresh way of thinking and feeling about yourself.

focusing on weight and the number on the scale? What if they started promoting intuitive eating, mindfulness, meditation, creativity, movement, and brought back the desire to eat with love and enjoyment, without worrying about points or calories? When we let go of external expectations about our weight and size and focus on what our bodies tell us we need, we begin to let go of all the comparisons we’ve spent so much time and energy on. The focus changes... •

from doing what others want us to do to doing what we want,

•

from giving away our power to stepping into it,

•

from looking at others from a place of fear that they are better than us to one of openness and selfacceptance, and finally,

•

from a place of judgement to compassion.

There is a growing movement of people who have finally ditched dieting and found a fresh, new way to mental, physical, emotional, and soulful peace within. When we care for our minds and bodies, we notice a shift in what occupies our thoughts, how we fill our time, and the habits we develop. We no longer need to compare ourselves to others; instead, we see each other and recognize our true inherent value. 50 | The Brick Magazine

If I have any advice for you, dear reader, it is this: Life is short and can change on a dime. Don’t waste your energy and precious time by comparing yourself to others. You have a right to value and honor yourself in your unique body no matter what the size. Start fresh, join the journey to transforming the way you see yourself, your relationship with food, and how you live in your body. It is so worth it! Joan Ridsdel is an Erickson Certified Professional Coach, registered social worker, and the founder and creator of W.I.S.E.R. Woman Coaching and Personal Development. (W.I.S.E.R. = Wisdom, Intuition, Self-compassion, Energy, Resilience) Specializing in private and small-group coaching, Joan partners with women to help them stop dieting, create a healthy relationship with food, and become deliciously comfortable in their bodies. Through her coaching program, Join the Journey, Joan guides women to make WISER Choices to become experts in their own self-care that leads to creating the life they crave. www.joanridsdel.com www.facebook.com/joanridsdelcoaching

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Dr. Lisa Profera www.projuvu.com 1-844-PROJUVU drprofera@gmail.com None of the statements in this ad have been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). They are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. None of the statements should be construed as dispensing medical advice, making claims regarding the cure of diseases, nor can this product prevent or cure any disease state as an FDA registered General Wellness device.You should consult a licensed health care professional before starting any health protocol or any health device such as BEMER, especially if you are pregnant or have any pre-existing injuries or medical conditions. Results may not be typical, nor are they a representation of what you could experience. Representations may be based on the experiences of several people and you may not have similar results. I am an Independent BEMER Distributor and I am paid by BEMER when I sell BEMER products. Individual results could be biased as a result of financial incentives.

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