The Brick Magazine - April 2020 by The Brick Magazine Ann Arbor

BRICK

THE

APRIL 2020

MAGAZINE

MINIMIZING VIRAL THREATS TO TRAVEL IS TO EAT NOURISHING YOUR CREATIVITY

PLUS! RAISING GIRLS IN A SOCIAL MEDIA WORLD

Suzanne Hagopian NO BUSINE SS LIKE FAMILY BUSINE SS

ANN ARBOR

R E F L E C T YO U R L I F E ST Y L E . Birch Design Associates specializes in residential and commercial interiors. www.birchdesignassociates.com

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THE

BRICK MAGAZINE

APRIL 2020

Publisher • Sarah Whitsett

Assistant to the Publisher • Tanja MacKenzie

Art Director • Jennifer Knutson

Copy Editor • Angelina Bielby

Marketing Director • Steve DeBruler

Online Creative • Bridget Baker

Cover Photographer • John Sobczak

Alewife Much? A Super Brief History of Women & Beer

No Business Like Family Business with Suzanne Hagopian

18 23

Minimizing Viral Threats

To Travel Is to Eat

Advertising Inquires >>

26 28 32 34 36

How to Beat Your Fears with Courage on the Stage of Life

For Personal & Planetary Thriving The Heart of Food

44 46

Food for Life

Intentions

Contributors >>

<< Fredi Baker Monica Brancheau Liz Crowe Jen DeGregorio

Morella Devost Yvonne Heath Kristen Domingue Beth Johnston Allison Downing Jordan

Marilyn Pellini Lisa Profera Joan Ridsel Maria Sylvester

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CONTENTS

The Brick Magazine >>

THE BRICK MAGAZINE makes every effort to provide accurate information in advertising, editorial content and placement; however, we cannot make any claims as to the accuracy of information provided by advertisers or editorial contributors and will accept no responsibility or liability for inaccurate information or placement. No content can be duplicated without the permission of The Brick Magazine, LLC 6 | The Brick Magazine

Your Gut Is Talking to You: Do You Know How to Listen?

Relationship Secret Sauce Nourishing Your Creativity Raising Girls in a Social Media World

Decades of Learning to Love My Life

248.568.1388 / PO Box 250337 / Franklin, MI 48025 Lorienstudio.com

Welcome to Booze 101 with

Liz

Alewife Much? A Super Brief History of Women & Beer

by Liz Crowe Photo by Adam Wilson

8 | The Brick Magazine

“She brews good ale, and thereof comes the proverb, Blessing of your heart, you brew good ale.” — WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, The Two Gentlemen of Verona

elcome to Booze 101 for April. This month, I’m going to fill you in on something that you may find interesting — or not, but that’s the beauty of this column, right? Right. Okay, now that we’ve reestablished the rules, let’s get on with it already. Ahem. The correct term for a woman brewing beer is not “lady brewer” or “chick who brews,” it’s “brewster.” Women who brewed beer in England from about the fifth century through the fifteenth were known as “alewives.” Alewives became the inspiration for the warty, meanspirited, tall-hat-wearing, broom-riding mythological creatures we call “witches.” No, I’m serious. Let’s back up a second and reconsider all of this. It is believed that what we know as “beer” has been brewed since the dawn of man. Egyptians demanded kegs of it in their fancy tombs. Sumerians had a goddess of it. Beer was considered a health drink — and compared to what passed for “fresh water” back in the day, it wasn’t untrue. It was a currency for some cultures — including the aforementioned ancient Egyptians. The guys who built the pyramids were given beer as pay. Cleopatra was the first known ruler to impose a tax on it — maybe that was part of her downfall, maybe not. For the ancient Celts and Gauls, beer was practically sacred. Archeologists have found evidence that they soaked barley in specially-dug ditches until it sprouted, then dried it out by lighting fires at the ends of the ditches to roast the grains, giving them a dark and smoky taste. If you know anything about beer brewing, you’re already going “um, yeah, that’s what we call ‘malting,’ duh.” They likely added spices like mugwort or henbane, which is supposed to make beer more intoxicating, being the party animals that they were. And life back then was kinda rough, so why not drink a lot of scorched grains that have been turned into alcohol by magic?

Meanwhile, back in Egypt, brewing beer became commercialized. A license was required to make it on any scale, which means that the women who’d been doing it pretty much every day of their lives, along with keeping the home fires burning, making bread, tending children, cleaning, and whatnot were not allowed to be a part of making any money at it. This was the first step toward shutting women out of a product they’d more or less invented and definitely perfected. Still more archeological evidence exists to support the importance of the female in the history of this fermented drink. The Mesopotamian Code of Hammurabi, a comprehensive code of law dating to around 1754 BCE, is full of rules about beer, which directly affected the women who ran most of the taverns, since every tavern owner is addressed as “she.” It is believed that women brewed and baked together, sending their grains on different journeys, destined to end up on a plate and in a glass. In ancient Babylonia, brewing equipment was often given as part of a girls’ dowry. So, you’d think that women would naturally own this process as naturally as they seem to own making weekly menus for the family and making sure the laundry gets done. And you wouldn’t be wrong in that assumption. In beer-loving locales like Ireland, Scotland, and what we now consider Germany, women still brewed beer daily for both family (yes, even the kids got some) consumption as well as a side hustle. Early Finnish women made a beer called sahti with hops, juniper twigs, barley, and rye all smoked in a sauna, as you’d expect. The Vikings wouldn’t let anyone BUT women brew beer, which is as it should be. The Slavic peoples had their own version of Ninkasi, the Sumerian goddess of beer, named Raugutiene. By the 1300s, most women in England made money for their households selling their homebrew. So yeah. Women = beer. What’s the problem with that? The problem became that they made money for themselves,

April 2020 | 9

and for that reason, many men considered that shady. One assumes even the husbands of these hard-working women did too, but the bottom line was, the revered beer-maker “alewife” began to take on a tinge of the negative. Some of these women turned their homes into pubs and/or boarding houses, which only made things worse. So, picture this with me: a traditional alewife brewing outdoors, stirring a large, boiling cauldron and tossing in various herbs and whatnot to give the beer some flavor, making it stand out amongst all the other options so she could, you know, make some money for the household. She’d wear a tall, pointy hat when she took her product to the street market, which allowed people to recognize her in a crowd. When a batch of beer was ready, she hung some barley sticks over the door, kinda sorta broom-like. Oh, and she kept a lot of cats around to kill the mice that would eat all the grain she had on site.

10 | The Brick Magazine

Sound familiar? Yes, so in case you didn’t know, being a “witch” at this time in history was, well, dangerous, to put it mildly. And I suppose since medieval dudes wished they could make some money making and selling beer, being an alewife became synonymous with being someone who was looking to poison you, and hence, she was a witch. Our hard-working brewster forebears could not catch a break, at least in England. They were accused of all manner of evils — prostitution, lying, cheating, poisoning what they were selling. You name it. It was a dangerous line of work. Let’s leave this depressing bit of beer history behind for now, and talk about Hildegard. What you might not know about beer at this time was that

it didn’t include a key ingredient in what we consider beer in the twenty-first century: hops. Gruit was the original base of beer. It was a mix of herbs and spices that varied depending on where you lived. Alewives used all sorts of things, both fresh and dried: marsh rosemary, yarrow, juniper, heather to get it started. Various ingredients were considered medicinal, and probably added some aroma and bitterness — and yeah, I can see that smelly stuff putting some people off, not to mention causing hallucinations or other negative effects depending on what was used. In twelfth-century Germany, an abbess named Hildegard of Bingen is credited with discovering the medicinal property of a flower on a sticky vine that is a close cousin of marijuana. Humulus lupulus, a.k.a. “hops,” had preservative properties, but at the time, monks were prescribing them to pick up peoples’ spirits. But hey! The philosopher, composer, polymath abbess said, “Let’s toss some into this beer we’re brewing and see what happens.” Voila. Modern beer is born, thanks Hilde! And in a bit of karmic justice, only the female plant produces the valuable flowers used in brewing. Once hops became a standard ingredient in the sixteenth century as a preservative, beer could travel longer distances, hence making it more industrialized and commercial. So the men took over, created guilds that specifically stated that women could not join, and passed laws that excluded them. There was Real Money™ to be made, ergo, the brewsters could stick with the breadbaking to feed the brewers, thanks. No women need apply. Today, thanks in part to the craft beer surge of the past ten years, more women are not only drinking beer again, they’re making it. But we have a long way to go. According to a report from Auburn University in 2014 (the most recent and frequently cited dataset that covers women in brewing), 29% of brewery workers were female and only 17% of breweries (349 at the time) had female CEOs. Of those breweries, only 3% (67) had a solo female CEO. The rest were co-CEOs with a male, such as a husband/wife team. Only 4% of breweries (76) had a female head brewer, and only 2% (38) had exclusively female brewers. And boy, I could write a whole ‘nother column on the lack of racial diversity in the business. Yours truly had her own not-so-positive experience as a woman in this particular boy’s club. But that’s water

Mother Louise, a popular alewife. FÆ _ CC BY 4.0 Atlas Obscura

under my bridge now, because I credit the industry with giving me a revived sense of purpose. I’ve made friends and connections that I’ll always treasure thanks to my time spent learning the barley, water, hops, and yeast biz. Considering the rich history we women have in the invention, maturation, and production of this particular beverage, I believe there will come a time soon when we ladies take back our rightful place — whether it be at the mash tun, the sales force, or (even better) the executive suite in one of the fastest growing industries in the world today. Hoist your glass and enjoy — and remember, every time you dress up as a witch for Halloween, you’re actually celebrating some of our early entrepreneurial brewster ancestors. Cheers to the side hustle! Amazon best-selling author, mom of three, brewery founder, craft beer marketing consultant, and avid sports fan, Liz Crowe is a Kentucky native and graduate of the University of Louisville currently living in Ann Arbor. She has decades of experience in sales, public relations, and fundraising, plus an eight-year stint as a three-continent, ex-pat trailing spouse, all of which provide ongoing idea fodder for novels and other projects. www.facebook.com/lizcroweauthor (fan page) www.twitter.com/ETLizCrowe

April 2020 | 11

Photo by John Sobczak Photo by John Sobczak

12 | The Brick Magazine

No Business Like Family Business with Suzanne Hagopian by Kristen Domingue

t's fascinating to have a conversation with someone about a company that sells, repairs, and cleans rugs, only to discover how many lives it touches in our community and across the world. It’s easy to think that a local store simply operates in a vacuum, but that is the exact opposite of what happens with Hagopian World of Rugs and Cleaning Services. Suzanne Hagopian, Vice President of this family business, showed us how one family can make a world of difference — literally.

The Hagopian history My grandfather, an Armenian immigrant from Turkey, started the business in 1939. Though he landed in New York, he came to Detroit to work for the Ford Motor Company because they paid $5 a day. That was a big deal back then. Unfortunately, he and his family had a tough time financially, despite the great day-wage. So, he always thought of ways to make money on the side. He was a pharmacist and he could compound medicines, which meant neighbors sought him out when they were ill. Everything they needed, he made. Because my grandfather had a chemist’s background, he made shampoo, hair dye, paint, and so many other things. He also created and sold perfume to coworkers and others in our community. One day, while listening to a call-in radio program about

solving common household problems, someone called in with ink stains on their carpet and wanted to know how to remove them. Carpet back then was all wool — completely natural fibers — something he was used to working with. He heard the host tell the caller that ink is the worst kind of stain; the caller would need to replace their carpet. My grandfather called the radio station to get in touch with the caller with the stain and told them he could remove it, free of charge, as an experiment. He went over, got the stain out, and that’s how things got started. He had a medical bag with all his chemicals and tools, and he began to visit the well-to-do neighborhoods once or twice a month for a set amount of money to clean their carpets. Most carpet cleaners of the time used coconut oil shampoos that left a sticky residue, which accelerated re-soiling. My grandfather used his chemistry background and developed proprietary, nonresidue cleaning agents.

April 2020 | 13

This expanded over the years. He invented a procedure for wall-to-wall carpet dying. Much later, Oriental rugs were becoming popular, and people asked if he could make a carpet smaller to fit a new room in a new house which became an important part of our business.

14 | The Brick Magazine

My father joined the business once he graduated college. He and my grandfather were similar in so many ways. He had a very entrepreneurial spirit and eventually, my dad wanted to expand our business further. Because we cleaned rugs and repaired and

Deciding to become the third generation In 1976, my father and his older brother split over operational differences. This was a devastating moment in our family history; it was a very trying time for my dad and grandfather to get through. My father eventually bought out both brothers and renamed our business “The Original Hagopian,” since his brother started his own carpet cleaning business. That was also when dad established purple as our corporate color, and had all our vehicles painted that color to make sure people knew that it was our company. My grandfather died in 1978. He was 80, and it was a shock to us because he was a strong man. He was a very determined person. My dad and grandfather were very close. We could all see this was very difficult for my dad; I never saw him that emotional or upset. That period of time was when I really started thinking seriously about the family business, its legacy, and who would continue it after my father. It was a turning point in my life. Initially, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do or what my future would be. To be honest, I didn't think I was going to end up in the family business. My parents never pushed us in a particular direction. They wanted all of us to do what we were passionate about. Looking back now, it's kind of interesting to me that we all ended up working in the business and came to that decision independent of each other. I loved music and played string instruments in primary school, and at one point, I thought I might teach music to children. When I first joined the business, I answered the phones. I was the receptionist! I was eventually moved into accounting and inventory management, and shifted through various positions. That was part of how we were trained; that gave us a sense of how the business worked overall. Each of us started at the bottom and worked our way up. This enhanced how much we valued the company, its people, and how it runs. It was the best way for us to learn all aspects of our business and it gave us the strong moral values we hold to this day. dyed them, it was only natural we should sell them, too. He learned everything he could about rugs and discovered his love for oriental rugs. He always loved art and I remember him saying ‘beautiful design can change your life.’

In time, my father began to ease back on the-dayto-day activities, and that allowed all of us to step into the business in a bigger way. He was still chairman and attended all of our meetings, but he left us to work things out together. To him, it was most important that the family

April 2020 | 15

stay united and that the business didn’t break our relationship with one another. He made sure he taught us how to listen to each other, our vendors, and our customers. There is a strong work ethic in my family. We all have different strengths, and I think my dad was very smart in suggesting different positions where there wasn't a lot of overlap. I’m very proud and grateful to be able to work with my brother and sister. Currently, my brother Edmond is the company’s president. My sister Angela is the Vice President of Operations and runs all of our systems. I sit in the Executive Vice President role. Part of my work is to handle the appraising and buying of hand-knotted and antique rugs. I'm headquartered in Birmingham, and I manage the store here.

The day-to-day is all about relationships In our business, many of our team members have been with us for 25 years or more. We've known them since they were kids. For us, work and family are all intertwined. My father started to take me on buying trips with him, and that’s where I learned how important reputation is in our business. We take pride in everything we do. On our buying trips, I saw how vendors extended themselves.This is the kind of business where formal contracts don’t really exist. We buy thousands and thousands of dollars worth of rugs on a handshake. It's such a small industry where everybody knows everybody and your reputation means everything. I’m proud of the fact that we’ve maintained our reputation over three generations. I’ve always loved rugs. I love merchandising and selecting rugs that our customers will want to own. I look at hundreds of rugs in order to hand-select maybe 40 or 50. I

16 | The Brick Magazine

enjoy traveling, meeting new people, and learning about other cultures, because it’s taught me more about my own culture and how fortunate I am to live in a country with so much freedom. I realize how important diversity is to me personally and how crucial it is to have people from various backgrounds working in our company. I feel very fortunate to have the opportunity to work with people that are so different from one another.

put emphasis on working with people of integrity. We are one of the few companies that are able to repair and restore authentic hand-made rugs. We repair antique, vintage, and even new rugs. When extensive repairs are required, we can send rugs overseas to our workroom in Egypt. There we can reweave a hole, or refinish the entire end of a rug if it has become damaged, frayed, or completely come apart.

I'm really proud of our reputation in the market. I'm also proud of the fact that we're a close family and not only do we work together, we enjoy spending time together.

Just as much as it matters to us to treat our employees, vendors, and partners from around the world well, and participate in our community, it’s also essential to us to take care of our customers right here at home. It’s fun to find that perfect rug for a client. The process still motivates and challenges me. We love to help our customers create a personal interior space in their home, and a beautiful rug can do that.

How making an impact is part of how we’ve made it last My dad started a collaborative with the College for Creative Studies over 30 years ago where we sponsor a student design competition. We eventually expanded the competition to include the Henry Ford Academy High School. Each year, the winning design is created into a rug, which is custom-made for display in the CCS student show in May. It is an inspiration to work with such creative people. We also host a concert series called Nightnotes through the Detroit Chamber Winds and Strings. We started this over 20 years ago. This has grown to be a muchloved annual event that has grown in popularity in the community. We source our rugs from suppliers who have similar values around quality, craftsmanship, and who also value family and community. It’s important to us that we can give back in a socially conscious way. For example, several of our Tibetan rug suppliers had a fundraiser after the earthquake in Nepal and we sent money to support them. We see that we can do a lot for these communities, and make a difference where we can. It’s so easy in our business for someone in a more developed country to take advantage of a supplier in a less developed country. We see it happen all the time, where communities who create extraordinary work end up with less than what they should be paid, or are forced to produce an inferior product. This happens when the company they do business with on the retail side doesn’t care about the wool or the income of the people and the weavers who create the rugs. We know our sources and

We curate our unique selection by offering a wide variety including contemporary Tibetan, traditional one-of-a-kind, tribal, and antique rugs. We know that sometimes our customers don't have the budget for an imported, hand-knotted rug, and we have a lot of options that are less expensive and always available. With the new machine-made and flat-woven techniques, you can get something that’s a perfect match for your budget and your décor.

More amazing details about the Hagopian history can be found on their website OriginalHagopian.com, where you’ll also find the legacy started by Suzanne’s grandfather, Haroutan Hagopian, alive and well. It’s wonderful to see how a business started by an immigrant who had nothing upon arriving in America can stand the test of time. Suzanne’s story reminds us all of how the roots of a deep family bond become the fertile tree that can become a backbone of its community. We wish Suzanne and the Hagopian family continued success and meaningful connections in the web they weave.

Kristen M. Domingue is a copywriter and content marketing consultant in the New York City area. When she’s not delivering on client projects, you can find her cooking up something gluten-free or in an internet rabbit hole on entrepreneurship or astrology.

April 2020 | 17

Minimizing Viral Threats

by Lisa Profera, MD

18 | The Brick Magazine

pring is in the air, and so are seasonal viral threats. Although peak flu season is over in Michigan, there is still concern about the “new kid on the block,” Coronavirus 19, a.k.a. COVID-19. I’d like to share a few tips with you to help you and your family stay as healthy as possible in the wake of this panic. Many of the things I will mention in this article are similar to what I’ve outlined in previous articles (see the most recent one in the March issue, “Stay Healthy on Vacation”). This was written before the coronavirus outbreak became really serious, but many of the points made in the article still apply. Basically, the precautions and preventative measures are the same for any virus.

at greater risk. Peak contagiousness occurs when the symptoms are at their worst. As you know, basic preventative measures are similar to those for influenza and other viruses: •

Avoid contact with sick people and crowded events.

•

Practice good and frequent handwashing — wash for 20 seconds or more with soap and water, or use a high-quality hand sanitizer with at least 60% alcohol. My favorite is doTERRA On Guard® Hand Sanitizer, as it combines powerful antimicrobial essential oils (such as cinnamon and clove) with alcohol.

•

Sanitize your hands after touching things that other people touch, especially in public places. This includes faucets, doorknobs, menus, pens, buttons on credit card processing devices, gas pump handles, anything in a doctor’s office or ER, and surfaces on airplanes (seat belt buckle, armrests, tray tables, and touch screens). Every time I board a plane, the first thing I do is use OnGuard® Hand Sanitizer to wipe everything down.

•

Keep surfaces in common areas in your home clean as well.

•

Avoid touching your eyes, mouth, and nose — these are often the point of entry for viruses.

•

Cover your cough and sneezes and dispose of used tissues right away. Infectious particles from uncovered sneezes can travel up to eight meters and linger in the air for 10 minutes, according to research done at MIT.

•

If you’re very sick, wear a face mask, especially when out in public. (Please note: don’t buy face masks in bulk or hoard them — there’s been a shortage of face masks and other protective gear for healthcare workers on the front lines of this crisis.)

•

Sick people should be encouraged to stay at home and not go to work or out into the community.

•

Call your doctor with any concerns and seek medical care when appropriate.

•

Watch for signs of a secondary bacterial infection, such as pneumonia, sinusitis, or ear infections.

Even though the novel COVID-19 is concerning, it’s similar to the other coronavirus epidemics of SARS and MERS. Other milder forms of coronavirus cause the common cold and have been around for 50+ years. There’s excellent information on the CDC website, and I encourage you to take a look (https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019ncov/index.html). “The SARS-CoV-2 virus is a betacoronavirus, like MERSCoV and SARS-CoV,” according to the CDC website. “All three of these viruses have their origins in bats. The sequences from US patients are similar to the one that China initially posted, suggesting a likely single, recent emergence of this virus from an animal reservoir.” This virus has spread globally and has now been officially classified as a pandemic by the WHO. As of the evening of March 24th, the number of US cases has exceeded 53,000 and there have been 714 confirmed US deaths. Vacations, business trips, festivals (such as Carnivale in Venice), sports events, study abroad programs, and many planned gatherings of over 100 people have been canceled. Here are the facts about coronavirus transmission. Transmission from person to person usually occurs via respiratory droplets, either directly or indirectly. Close contact (within six feet) of an infected person, exposure to respiratory droplets from coughs or sneezes, or contact with infected surfaces or objects can introduce the virus into your body. Symptoms appear 2-14 days after exposure and can vary from mild to severe. People with chronic illness and weakened immune systems are

Since the initial symptoms (fever, cough, trouble breathing) are very common in any viral illness, it’s often hard to April 2020 | 19

distinguish which virus you’re infected with without specific testing. Address the symptoms as needed; treat fever, stay hydrated, rest, etc. Over-the-counter cold and flu preparations may or may not help (I’m not a fan). As a former primary care physician, I would diagnose someone with a viral illness, tell them what I just mentioned above, and inform them that they may be sick for about 7-10 days. This is about all that traditional medicine can offer — so what else can we do? There are numerous studies published on the anti-viral, anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, and anti-parasitic effects of essential oils. I am happy to send you some of those studies if you are interested. You can also do your own research by going to Pub Med and searching for key words. Cinnamon, clove, oregano, tea tree, and thyme are a few commonly-used essential oils with proven anti-microbial properties. Proper use and purity of essential oils is not only important for safety, but also efficacy. As always, I am happy to help you with any questions or concerns.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao

20 | The Brick Magazine

Supporting our immune system throughout this season is very important. Since 70% of our immune system lies in our gut, it is

crucial to support our healthy microbiome with preand probiotics. I have discussed this in previous articles (see December 2017, January 2018, and November 2018 issues). Many of you know that I’m a proponent of CBD, as it also has many medicinal benefits. You may have read my trilogy of articles on CBD that were recently published in BRICK Magazine this past fall. Endocannabinoid receptors are plentiful in the tissues and organs that support the immune system, and CBD can help boost their function. In my line of CBD products, Dr. Lisa’s CBD Solutions, I created a blend called “Germ Blaster,” which is specifically designed to address seasonal threats. CBD is not the only player here — other phytocannabinoids and terpenes in this product work together as a team. (Learn more at https:// drlisascbdsolutions.com/) I hope that you find this information helpful; please reach out to me with any questions or concerns. Follow the

CDC website for the latest updates on the COVID-19 situation. The general expectation is that the number of new cases will decrease by summer, but then there may be a resurgence of the disease again in the fall. This pattern has happened with the H1N1 swine flu and other viral outbreaks. Be proactive and stay healthy, BRICK readers! Lisa Profera, MD | Owner and FounderFounder of PROJUVU MD Aesthetics and Lifestyle Medicine in Ann Arbor, MI Expert Injector doTERRA Essential Oils Wellness Advocate BEMER Independent Distributor | CrossFit® Level 1 Trainer www.projuvu.com | 1-844-PROJUVU | drprofera@gmail.com FaceBook business page: www.facebook.com/projuvu/ Request to join my Closed FaceBook group, Dr. Lisa’s Essential Oils Forum: www.facebook.com/groups/1952063771691445/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/youressentialoilsdoctor/

Disclaimer: Please note that the information in this article or any of its references has been designed to help educate the reader in regard to the subject matter covered. This information is provided with the understanding that the author and any other entity referenced here are not liable for the misconception or misuse of the information provided. It is not provided in order to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, illness, or injured condition of the body. The provider of this information shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any loss, damage, or injury caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by this information. The information presented is in no way intended as a substitute for medical counseling or care. Anyone suffering from any disease, illness, or injury should consult a qualified health care professional. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA.

April 2020 | 21

Your Gut Is Talking to You: Do You Know How to Listen? by Allison Downing Jordan

Photo by Heather Ford

22 | The Brick Magazine

here is much more to our nourishment than the food we eat.

Without a healthy gut microbiome, we cannot absorb nutrients very well. Without this, the gut cannot maintain its protective lining. Without this, you can develop a thin gut wall and intestinal permeability, also known as leaky gut. The gut is a unique organ system that, much like our skin, has to deal with the outside world coming in. Not only that, but it also has a crazy complex role of taking in some of that world to keep us nourished, while keeping all the other unsafe stuff out. Unfortunately, the majority of popular wisdom available on maintaining a healthy gut microbiome is currently primarily limited to foods and supplements — fermented foods, probiotics, enzymes, etc. But there is more to supporting your gut than just some yogurt. Stress is now a huge factor. A recent study on oral plaque found that exposing bacteria in our mouths to cortisol rapidly elevated the levels of activity in oral bacteria that are associated with periodontal disease. This causes them to engage in activity known to increase the pocket-depth of teeth. Other studies have found that cortisol raises the level of activity in gut microbials that are associated with increased susceptibility to infections such as salmonella. When the gut microbiome is off-balance, it’s known as microbial dysbiosis. Microbial dysbiosis is a result of “cross-talk” in your body between your hormones and your microbiome. Cross-talk is supposed to help maintain host-microbial homeostasis, but when the host’s homeostasis is altered, the microbiome’s homeostasis is also altered. And that can make things difficult for our digestion, energy, mood, and overall nourishment of self. So, how can you protect your gut from microbial dysbiosis? Unfortunately, enzymes, fermented foods, and probiotics have not been found to be enough to return balance to an unbalanced microbiome — scientists are finding that microbiota don’t become unbalanced through food alone. We have to address stress. I believe in addressing stress in a fun way. That makes sense, right? Let’s take some science and

re-apply it. We have a tool called “interoception” on our side. Interoception is the ability to feel and understand what’s going on inside your body. This tool can often be pushed aside because it’s a more right-brained ability. Left-brain solutions look for a logical, historical background to pain; they ask things like, “I feel pain — was it something I ate?” or “I feel pain — did I bump into something?” That’s a generally good approach for most surface-level problems, but deeper problems such as fibromyalgia or IBS are ignored with that kind of thinking. Right-brain thinking, on the other hand, is relational thinking. It’s a more creative thinking, a “feeling” thinking. When you right-brain think with your body and your gut, you get a chance to receive the message your body is sending you through the neuroendocrine channels (through the vagus nerve, if you’re curious).

Five Steps to Get in Touch with Your Body: • Move Feel your insides! Sometimes the best way to get a clear message from the body is to unplug from your phone, book, computer, or desk and move for a moment. Stretch the arms up. Sit on the ground. Do some twists. This raises our awareness of any messages our body is trying to get across to our brains.

• Stop When you stop moving, you give your relational rightbrain space time to connect with new feelings in the body and sympathize with them (not analyze them). This relational connection with our body is huge for fostering a healthy brain-gut connection.

• Ask This is one of my favorite parts. After stopping and assessing, you ask your body, “What do you want?” Seriously. I do this with my clients, and it provides some surprising information. We’ve asked a troublesome bladder what it wanted to tell a client; we’ve asked a gut if it was okay being touched that session; we’ve asked a stomach why it’s upset. We are so used to thinking for our body and telling it why we think it’s upset. But often, it might be willing to tell you itself. April 2020 | 23

Photo by Sahin Yesilyaprak

• Listen We’ve always talked about “gut feelings,” and now scientists are theorizing that the gut has as many (or potentially more!) neurons as the brain. And those neurons are talking a lot. We can tune into those neurons simply by training our ear via interoception and right brain listening. Yes, I’m suggesting you talk to yourself and your body.

• Respond The body wants more than just food, sex, and sleep. It may want one of those things and try to remind you, but it may be aware of underlying tension between you and a friend, or it may be aware of an upcoming fear that you haven’t fully processed yet. I have seen guts suggest calling a friend, sharing something deep with a significant other, setting up an appointment you’d been meaning to set up, suggesting asking forgiveness from a child, and asking to pray. All of this can help our gut’s microbiome flourish. Like walking into a room and taking the time to use our eyes to look around, giving our gut and our bodies the opportunity to tell us what they need can help us grow a greater awareness and nourish our minds, guts, and microbiomes.

24 | The Brick Magazine

If you feel you may want or need help in listening to your gut and unraveling your gut health journey, we’d love to see you in our office at Better Belly Therapies! You can set up an evaluation appointment online at BetterBellyTherapies.com/booknow or by emailing us at betterbellytherapies@gmail.com. https://www.nature.com/articles/s41522-018-0068-z https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/30060210 3 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/30535609 4 https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2018/09/your-gut-directlyconnected-your-brain-newly-discovered-neuron-circuit 5 https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/gut-second-brain/ 1

Allison Downing Jordan LMT, BCTMB is the author of Stop Stomach Pain: How to Heal Your Gut and End Food Restrictions and is the founder and head therapist of Better Belly Therapies, an Ann Arbor clinic that treats men and women with IBS, acid reflux, and functional GI disorders to decrease food restrictions and increase quality of life. To learn more, you can visit betterbellytherapies.com to read more about our methods, or buy Stop Stomach Pain at betterbellytherapies.com/book. Available in ebook or print form. Instagram @betterbellytherapies Facebook @betterbellytherapies

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Jessica Ping CLTC Financial Advisor 734.358.5757 jessicaping.nm.com

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April 2020 | 25

To Travel Is to Eat by Beth Johnston

don’t know about you, but I love food — maybe a little too much, by the fit of my jeans! However, I’ve heard that vacation calories don’t count, so I encourage you to go ahead and sample the local fare wherever in the world you find yourself.

Every trip you take involves eating and food, so how can you make the most of your food experiences while traveling?

Some of my best travel memories are evoked by the foods I associate with those destinations. For instance, my favorites include beignets from New Orleans, lobster from Bar Harbor, clam chowder from Boston, poutine from Montréal, croissants from Paris, spaetzle from BadenWürttemberg, jerk chicken from Jamaica...I could keep going. If I smell or taste any of those foods, I am instantly transported back in time to those places.

Taste is personal, so it’s hard to narrow down the choices. Everyone has their favorites. My top food destinations will most likely be different than yours. With that said, I can help you get started.

Anthony Bourdain and his show “Parts Unknown” tried to make the world more inclusive by combining travel to lesser-known parts of the world and food, the one thing we can all relate to. As he shared meals with locals, he was able to learn more about their culture. 26 | The Brick Magazine

Travel to destinations known for their food

Italy, Spain, and France always seem to come to mind when people discuss the best culinary destinations. Who doesn’t love pasta, tapas, and escargot? Japan is now creeping up as a top food destination. I never used to be a sushi fan, but we have a local sushi place (Sushi Zen in Brighton, MI) that has definitely changed my tune. Perhaps you would prefer to try one of the less well-known food destinations like Peru, Mexico, Morocco, India, or Southeast Asia (Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Singapore).

“People are generally proud of their food. A willingness to eat and drink with people without fear and prejudice… they open up to you in ways that somebody visiting who is driven by a story may not get.” ~ Anthony Bourdain The United States has many cities that have become well-known as food destinations. Here are ten that I recommend: New Orleans, LA; New York City, NY; Austin, TX; Portland, OR; San Francisco, CA; Chicago, IL; Miami, FL; Charleston, SC; Boulder, CO; and Pittsburgh, PA. Wherever you choose to travel, make sure to be adventurous and try the local specialties. I also try to eat at off-thebeaten-path places, where the locals like to eat. How do you find those? I do a Google search for the best restaurants in the city we’re visiting. We’ve also found some of our favorite places by asking people we know or the hotel concierge for their recommendations. One of my favorite shows for inspiration is Guy Fieri’s Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. Another great resource for local hotspots is your travel advisor.

Dine with a local What could be more authentic than actually visiting a local family, cooking alongside them, and sitting down to a meal with them? This is the essence of what Anthony Bourdain used to do. You learn a lot about someone when you share a meal with them. When you dine with a local in their home, you not only learn about their culture, but you provide income for them — you help the local economy where you are traveling.

Take a food-centric tour Many destinations and travel companies now offer tours centered around food (including wine and spirits!). This is a great way to find authentic food and experiences. The key is to find reputable local guides and trusted companies. The best way to do this is through your travel advisor. Travel advisors who work with Virtuoso on-site tour connections to arrange these private or small-group one-of-a-kind experiences ensure that they are reliable and authentic. There are tours that last a couple of hours to several days. You can take tours where the area’s history is combined with local food, or where you personally harvest, gather, and source the ingredients and then cook it. These experiences allow you to learn about the local economy and environment. If you have food preferences, sensitivities, or allergies, there are now vegan, vegetarian, and gluten-free options available. Hopefully, I’ve convinced you that intentionally traveling to eat will greatly enrich your overall experience. Even if you are not a “foodie,” you still have to eat, right? Who knows, maybe you’ll learn something and take home a delicious memory. Beth was born and raised in Ann Arbor, MI and currently resides in Pinckney, MI with her husband Dan. She is a retired elementary educator from Ann Arbor Public Schools (13 years) and Pinckney Community Schools 17 years). She has three sons from her first marriage (ages 30, 28, & 25), a daughter-in-law, a new grandson, and three step-children. Using her luxury travel specialist expertise, Beth founded Orenda Travel. Our custom-crafted itineraries speak exclusively to families’ unique needs, passions, and sense of adventure. We believe that travel has the ability to change lives forever. www.orenda.travel www.facebook.com/ OrendaLuxTravel/ www.instagram.com/orenda.travel/ April 2020 | 27

Relationship Secret Sauce by Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC

Photo by Jennifer Pallian

28 | The Brick Magazine

Photo by Khadija Yousaf

e’ve all had to find our way when it comes to intimate relationships. There were no classes in school that taught us how to successfully “do” them. Granted, there have been thousands of books and articles written on the subject. Being committed to navigating my intimate relationship as well as possible, I’ve read many of those books and articles, yet I still feel quite challenged in this area at times. I’m sure life-long learning on this topic is in the cards for me, because there are as many ways to brilliantly make relationships work as there are people in them. My preferred relationship learning mode is the experiential one. Through many relationship moments, and the trials and errors they’ve gifted, I’ve managed to concoct a little recipe — my secret sauce, if you will — to help me maintain a healthy, rich, and juicy intimate relationship.

There are three key ingredients I regularly reach for. When I toss them into the mix of my marital dynamics, our connection invariably assumes a more positive charge. The recipe that deliciously spices up our relationship includes slowing down, leaning in, and listening. And I mix them into the relationship soup in exactly that order. I’ll unpack each a bit for you here.

Slowing Down A powerful mantra that I created for myself some time ago goes like this: “Do less, feel more.” I carry this principle into every aspect of my life, yet it has proven most powerful in my intimate relationship. This is because when one is in constant “doing” mode, you risk becoming disconnected from yourself and others. In order to do less and feel more, one must slow way

April 2020 | 29

down. Slowing down allows you, first and foremost, to meaningfully connect with yourself. Moving at a slower pace allows you to rest and replenish yourself. Doing so, you are more likely to become aware of what is happening internally. You can notice what you’re feeling. In the spaciousness that slowing down offers, you can more easily self-reflect and tap into your intuitive knowing. From this place of selfawareness, you’re then much better prepared to connect and interact with your partner. And, perhaps most importantly, you’ll have more to give coming from a rejuvenated and authentically present state. One can’t serve from an empty vessel. Slowing down additionally allows you a better likelihood of responding rather than reacting when emotionally triggered in your intimate relationship. In a less rushed state, you’re able to thoughtfully process events and feelings. Things between you and your beloved will register more specifically and meaningfully in all realms — emotionally, intellectually, physically, and spiritually — when you give yourself the time and space to chill. To simply be. To take in. To breathe.

Lean In

Photo by Taylor Kiser

30 | The Brick Magazine

Next, I discovered that once slowed down, I’m invariably more inspired to gently lean in. By this I mean feeling inclined to cross from my side of the relationship bridge — with all of my feelings, opinions, and perspectives — to reflect on and consider my partner’s side of things. Leaning in, to me, refers to the notion of deep empathetic engagement. It’s about being kind, compassionate, and truly committed to trying to understand your partner, especially when his or her

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” ~Moulin Rouge

ways seem foreign or very different from your own. Much easier, however, said than done. What happens to my commitment to “leaning in,” for instance, when we’re at odds, strongly disagreeing or arguing? What happens when the angst of discord nudges you in the direction of wanting to lean way out? This is when I remind myself to remember how much I love and admire my husband, even though I may be angry with him at a given moment. For it’s always just that —a moment. And really, what is a relationship but a string of moments, one after another, threaded together through time? So, you know what? Remembering and appreciating your love for you intimate partner, even when you’re upset with them, can help you keep leaning in. A generous heart helps you cross the divide. Love lifts us. It keeps us in the game. And from my experience, it serves us well to call love up and keep our hearts open, especially during times of relationship stress and strain. In relationship mode, we are ever-challenged to continually grow and cultivate our heart space.

Listen Once we’ve slowed down and leaned in, we’re often feeling the fire of fondness, and ready to add the third ingredient to our secret sauce. Becoming an extraordinary listener adds a powerful punch to any intimate relationship. To me, listening is the ability to stay curious inside and out. Interfacing well with your partner demands that we practice really hearing them, while also attending to what is happening internally for ourselves. Yet, our own internal dialogue and musings need to take a momentary backseat. Ideally, I believe the best relationship communication outcomes result from giving a full and interested ear, first and foremost, to your partner’s sharing. Intentional listening is essential to fostering meaningful, successful, evolving intimacy. When we can put our own stuff aside — intensely listening to our partner without focusing for even one

hot minute on our next response — we hear many levels of information we might otherwise miss. Listening, in my book at least, involves receiving information on all sensory fronts. It’s about observing tone, expression, cadence, posture, and energy, as well as noting actual words spoken. There is great richness here! You can learn so much when you fine-tune your listening and attention. When you’re committed to practicing and mastering the skill of deep listening, magical things happen in the partnership. This is because your person, your beloved, will feel powerfully seen and cared about under the glow of your attentive presence. They will invariably experience being with you as profoundly different, and much more special, than what they are used to with others. Lastly, a wonderful, direct offshoot of being lovingly and exquisitely listened to is that trust deepens. And as trust grows, a person feels more secure and safe. Feeling emotionally safe is a precursor to one’s partner wanting to further self-reveal. And, as they share more, intimacy can’t help but deepen. So, challenge yourself to become an intimate listener. And there you have it, the three key ingredients in my secret relationship sauce. Mix ‘em all together and magic starts to happen. Put forth the effort and watch your relationship grow ever more yummy and delicious!

Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC is a certified Life Coach in Ann Arbor, MI who loves empowering adolescents, adults, and couples to live from the HEART of what really matters to them so that they can bring their fully expressed, vibrant selves into the world. She has a special gift for helping women reclaim their feminine power, and embrace their radiant, sensual, sexy spirits. Their lives transform. They soar into their mid-life magnificence! www.lifeempowermentcoaching.com Instagram: @life_coach_maria Facebook: www.facebook.com/LifeEmpowermentCoaching

April 2020 | 31

Nourishing Your Creativity by Fredi Baker

ften, when one thinks of nourishment, it’s in reference to food, water, and other things necessary to build healthy bodies. Let’s take food for an example. While reading food labels can help us determine if we are nourishing our bodies or simply filling up with empty calories, high carbs, too much sodium, etc, this is just the beginning of finding nourishment. Sustaining good health also involves listening to what our bodies want. Why not bring the idea of nourishment into all areas of our life? Imagine how different our relationships, our energy, our work, and even our play would be if we applied the same scrutiny to listening to our bodies that many of us do to reading those food labels. Let’s go a step beyond, while we’re at it: why not bring that same nuturing energy to our creativity? 32 | The Brick Magazine

The idea of nourishing creativity might feel a bit indulgent, especially if you don’t think you’re creative. The truth is that everyone is creative, even if they don’t believe they are. Your creativity may not look like being a visual artist, a musician, or a writer. Creativity also applies to creative thinking, problem solving, communication, and just about every other area of life. Taking the time to care for and nourish the creative thought process can be some of the most important work you will do. Think back to a time when you were stuck trying to wrestle with an idea or a challenge, and just couldn’t break through to find the inspiration and motivation you needed. On top of that, maybe your goals were unfocused. Perhaps, instead of staying in that stagnant, unproductive place, what you needed was nourishment.

Creative nourishment Why is this important? When we take the time to feed our creativity, we cultivate new ideas, often in surprising ways. Sometimes, it can be spontaneous and momentary. For example, as I sat writing this, suddenly I heard birds chirping outside my window. Now, I could have simply ignored them, but I decided to close my laptop and look out at my very large camellia bush where a flock of little birds had landed, seeking their own nourishment. Letting their birdsong wash over me, watching them allowed me a short, lovely break from writing so that when I came back to it, I was refocused and inspired. Creative nourishment can come as a spontaneous bite (such as the above example), a snack, a meal, or even a well-planned celebratory feast. It can last anywhere from a moment to a few hours, or much longer. You could even take the time to go on a creative travel adventure. No matter which we choose, there is a joy to each that can leave us refreshed, fulfilled, and inspired. For me, I find that making the time to sustain myself creatively on a regular basis is essential to moving forward toward my goals. If you’re feeling unmotivated or uninspired, not sure of just what you need to give yourself a push, why not give yourself some type of creative nourishment? Trust your instincts. Prepare to be surprised and maybe even delighted with what you find.

Some ideas to get you started: Take a walk — in your neighborhood, in a park, anywhere that calls you. Journal, with no expectations of the outcome. Maybe even with colored pencils or pens. Try something new that has been calling to you.

Have a weekend getaway of some sort. Go to a beach, lake, river, pond, or even a fountain and notice how the light plays on the water. Listen to the sounds around you. Go antiquing — sometimes there are things from the past that are intriguing and will spark your curiosity. Visit a museum, art gallery, garden. Spend some time people-watching with a favorite beverage. Have an outdoor adventure of any kind. Clean out and organize a space in your home. (If this feels like drudgery and not inspiring, save it for another day.) Have a conversation with someone you want to know better. The possibilities are endless. Since I’m a knitter, I love to go to a local yarn shop and play with the textures and colors of the yarns. You might have your own version of this — a nursery, a kitchen shop, farmer’s market, etc. One client of mine loves to take train rides. Whatever is calling you is perfect, even if it feels like a stretch. The key is to have creative nourishment whenever you feel the craving, not once in a blue moon. Some of my coaching clients make weekly dates for creative excursions to nourish themselves and have found great value in them. What are you hungry for creatively? Listen to your body, mind, and soul, and take a step.

Go wherever the wind blows you — and savor the adventure that the unknown brings.

Fredi Baker is a Master Certified Coach who believes in the power of the creative process. For over 20 years, she’s coached people who are ready to break out of where they are and lean into their dreams, their vision, and their creativity. She helps them get inspired, focused, and motivated to live by their own rules and make a difference in the world. In her spare time, you will find her playing with yarn and needles — whether she’s knitting colorful, chunky wall hangings or designing shawls. Thus far, five of her patterns have been published, and she delights in seeing other knitters working with her designs and making their own works of art.

Go see a play, live music, etc. Even a movie works.

Find her at fredibaker.com

Meditate, do yoga, or even take a few deep breaths. Read a book. Look at the pictures. Take yourself on a creative excursion. Take a class.

April 2020 | 33

Raising Girls in a Social Media World by Jen DeGregorio

treat the kid like more of a best friend than a son, and I suspect that is why he has always gravitated towards female friendships. Not having a daughter of my own, I love spending time with these girls and hearing about everything that’s going on in their precious little lives.

rowing up, I always wanted lots of kids. Fate had different plans for me, though, and I ended up with just one incredibly amazing son. To say my 12-yearold is unique would be a vast understatement. He has blue hair, listens to Broadway show-tunes, and all of his best friends are girls. For most of Adam’s life, it’s just been the two of us. His dad and I divorced when Adam was three, and my current husband lives in New York City. Admittedly, I sometimes

34 | The Brick Magazine

This fall, the kids started middle school, and the pre-teen drama hit hard, fast, and seemingly out of nowhere. I was a teenage girl once too — and hey, hormones are no joke — but by listening to the Photo by Adam DeGregorio carpool conversations from my driver seat, I’ve realized that to be a teen girl in 2020 is so, so very different than it used to be. I somehow managed to keep my cool when one afternoon, while carting the kids to the mall, Adam’s best friend Emily casually said, “Hey miss Jen, guess what? Rhonda’s nudes got leaked.” (Rhonda is obviously a fake name, because there has not been a teenage girl named Rhonda since 1985.) “Wait. What?” I said, accidentally stopping at a green light. “It happens all the time,” replied Adam, like I was

completely clueless. “Wait, if you didn’t have cellphones back in your day, how did you send nudes?” I was speechless for several heartbeats, then I took a deep breath and blurted, “You never send nudes. What if you want to run for president one day?” They looked at me bewildered, and went on to the next topic. That night, as I was driving to meet up with my mom friends, I couldn’t stop thinking about poor Rhonda and her leaked nudes. At 13, a zit is earth-shattering. Can you imagine being judged on your shave job by all of your classmates? And let’s not even start with the bodyshaming. But what really made me queasy was thinking about how this child’s self esteem is going to be affected. When I arrived at the Dexter Beer Grotto, my friends Laura and Abby had a glass of Chardonnay waiting for me. Having filled them in via text on what I’d heard that afternoon, I was eager to get their take on what on earth was happening to our world. We all agreed that the problem plaguing our youth today is social media. A 2020 survey from Common Sense Media showed that 85% of kids between the ages of 12-18 had a social media profile, with TikTok being the fastest growing new app for American teens in 2019. “You never know who is on the other end of a message or a Snap,” said Abby, whose daughter is 10. “For now, I’m limiting her access to social media as much as I can. Maybe someday I’ll ease up, but today is not that day.” When I was a teenager, I went to the bookstore and bought a Teen Bop magazine. Now, kids idolize teenage social media Influencers — kids who have developed a large following based on their social presence. These influencers are often suggestive, seductive, and have the power of social persuasion over millions of subscribers — including many of our kids. The next day I picked up way too many kids in my fivepassenger Jeep for a half-mile drop-off to their play rehearsal at the high school. I was ready to use those precious few minutes to dive deeper into the leaked nude saga, making sure that each one of them realized the emotional repercussions that would inevitably accompany such an action. Young girls can be impressionable, I told them, and do something just because they see it on the internet or from a friend.

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After my spiel, I glanced in the rearview mirror at mildly amused faces. “We would never do that,” they assured me. Then from the hatchback, Adam popped his head up and said, “Mom, most girls are tougher than you think.” They all agreed and I thought maybe, just maybe, this crazy world is making our kids even tougher. In addition to serving The ChadTough Foundation as the Director of Communications, Jen DeGregorio manages PR/marketing and events for several nonprofits across Washtenaw County. She began her career in newspapers in 1995 as a means to cover college expenses. After completing her degree at the University of Michigan-Dearborn in English, she continued to build a career in advertising with the Ann Arbor News. She was one of the first hires at AnnArbor.com and became an integral part of the management team. In 2012, Jen decided to start her own businesses, with a focus on helping small businesses and non-profits. She splits her time between her home in Dexter, MI and an apartment in NYC where her husband has worked for almost a decade.

April 2020 | 35

How to Beat Your Fears with Courage on the Stage of Life by Joan Ridsel

36 | The Brick Magazine

"I stood in the wings waiting for my cue to step on stage, knowing that once it came, there was no going back. I counted down the songs my son, Jojo Mason, sang leading up to our song, and waited breathlessly for the piano and sheet music to be placed on stage. Focus and breathe, I reminded myself over and over as I waited. Just breathe. And breathe again. The energy was electric — a mix of excitement and nervousness. I heard my name. I listened to the beautiful tribute Jojo honored me with. Tears threatened to fall down my cheeks. Breathe and breathe some more. There was a collective understanding that this moment held special meaning only a mother and son would understand. It was here. The moment I'd imagined, practiced for, agonized over, and which terrorized my dreams for the past three weeks. As words of love and lasting friendship echoed into the audience, I stepped onto the stage. There was no going back." Originally published on joanridsdel.com 3/1/2020

I gave up. I quit playing the piano when I was about the same age that Jojo started his singing career. His passion for singing and performing stirred in me a quiet longing to play again. And yet, I kept the desire buried and silent within. I wasn't good enough. I didn't measure up. I couldn't find a way to accept that I just "played well." Not feeling good enough sucks the life out of you and halts creativity. Feelings of inadequacy create deep-seated fears that can stop us from taking risks, from reaching for the moon, from really living our lives the way we want to.

s I write this I'm filled with so many emotions: pride, love, exhilaration, a sense of accomplishment, courage.

Why step out of your comfort zone when it's safe where you are? Why risk going after something you're really hungry for? What if you fail?

Accompanying my son, Jojo Mason (https://www. jojomasonmusic.com) as he sang "All of Me" by John Legend, was such a profound and powerful experience.

When I was given a keyboard for Christmas last year, I dabbled a bit, never imagining that I'd be playing on a stage in front of hundreds in just a few weeks.

Those precious moments on stage were filled with warm and painful memories, losses, triumphs, but above all, gratitude.

And then one day I received a simple text from Jojo: "Mom, would you be interested in playing a song on stage with me on Valentine's Day?"

My own dream of becoming a concert pianist began when I was eight years old. I poured my heart and soul into music for years until it became clear that I played well but not "good enough" to make it on the concert stage.

What made him think this was a good idea! It had been three decades since I played seriously!

It was a defining moment.

I replied with a racing heart: "Wow! My heart's racing. I don't think I'd have the courage — it's been a long time since I played and performed on stage."

April 2020 | 37

"I think you could do it, but there's no pressure," Jojo confidently assured me.

•

"I'm not good enough"

•

"I can't learn fast enough"

I agreed to practice the song. I could at least do that.

•

"I'm not slim enough"

•

"I can't do this"

•

"I'm too scared"

I had three weeks. It was another defining moment.

Each day I challenged them until I could finally say "I've got this."

•

Would I let years of old, outdated thoughts dictate my future?

•

Would I allow my fears to hold me back?

Here's how:

•

Would I risk missing this incredible opportunity to play onstage with my son?

• Using Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT or tapping):

•

Would I miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime? Really?

As much as I practiced the piano everyday, I worked diligently to slay those deeply rooted fears and silence those negative gremlin voices that were determined to keep me from this amazing experience. I knew if I was going to step on stage, I had to transform the voices that said:

38 | The Brick Magazine

•

I tapped on each belief, one by one

•

As my fears emerged, I tapped on each of them and visualized them diminishing

•

I tapped away my worry that my hands would shake so much I'd lose control

•

I tapped away my terror about making mistakes

•

I tapped to reduce the nervousness I felt in the pit of my stomach

2. I visualized myself walking onto the stage, playing with sheet music in front of me. I imagined looking up at Jojo as I played the last note. I practiced ignoring the audience while I played. 3. I lowered my expectations. I thought about playing well instead of perfectly (even if I made mistakes). 4. I practiced deep breathing to calm my racing heart and mind. 5. I focused on how I would feel and how grateful I was for the opportunity. 6. I reminded myself that the memory we would make trumped all my nerves, worries, and beliefs that no longer served me. "As I played the last note, I looked up at Jojo. It was a moment filled with pride and love between a mother and her son, respect between two musicians, exhilaration for pulling off what seemed like a crazy idea three short weeks ago." So I say this to you with as a W.I.S.E.R Woman: Don't let negative thinking and old, outdated beliefs hold you back from stepping out onto your stage!

Are you ready to let go of beliefs and thoughts that no longer serve you? If so, I'd love to help! Let's have a virtual chat about how you can find the confidence and courage you've been longing for. Together we can design your step-by-step journey to living more joyfully, confidently, and finally free from what's been holding you back. I invite you to Step Out on your stage, confident, joyful and FREE. Joan Ridsdel is an Erickson Certified Professional Coach, Registered Social Worker and the owner and creative director of W.I.S.E.R Woman Coaching and Personal Development. (W.I.S.E.R = Wisdom, Intuition, Self-compassion, Energy, Resilience) Specializing in private and small-group coaching, Joan partners with women to help them stop dieting and create a healthy relationship with food and their bodies so they can lose weight naturally. Through her coaching program, Join the Journey, Joan guides women to make WISER Choices to become experts in their own self-care that leads to Loving Your Body ~ Loving Yourself. www.joanridsdel.com www.facebook.com/joanridsdelcoaching

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for personal

& planetary thriving

The Heart of Food

by Morella Devost, EdM, MA Photo by Mike Mayer 40 | The Brick Magazine

itting in the dark movie theater, I could feel his face leaning in. Delighted, I turned towards the fifteen-year-old boy with whom I was besotted: my first boyfriend. Melting into his passionate kisses, the fourteen-year-old me suddenly noticed the flavor of sweet, rich chocolate. It was a taste I hated, but here my new beau not only had chocolate breath — he was sharing it with me!

eating and weight! So, let’s take a deep breath because we’re about to bring a whole lot of compassion to ourselves over our eating habits.

He had no clue and I was really into him. So, thanks to those kisses, I fell in love with chocolate. That afternoon, the butterflies of puppy love became forever linked with the flavor of chocolate.

You probably have at least some awareness of how your emotions sometimes drive your eating and drinking. For example, if you had a bad day, you might look forward to pouring yourself a stiff drink. If you’re overcoming a bad breakup, you get yourself a pint of rich chocolate ice cream. And when you’re feeling down, you dive into some comfort food, like the mac-and-cheese Grandma used to make.

Whether it’s falling in love, birthday celebrations, or special treats, our love for food is not just about taste; it’s about the “emotional flavor” that accompanies it. It’s not just chocolate that does this. Food and emotions are absolutely intertwined. Ignoring the strength of the connection between food and emotion is the primary reason why diets don’t work. To hear most nutritionists, doctors, or healtharticle writers speak about dietary choices, you would think that eating is a completely rational act. We are told to make “smart food choices,” as if people struggling with their food are not smart.

I see three strands in the food-emotion connection. They form a tight-knit braid that is nearly impossible to break:

First: We are all “emotional eaters.”

Emotional eating happens every day in our lives, but it becomes a problem in one of two ways: (a) when it completely runs you, or (b) when you’re fighting it tooth and nail, feeling both deprived and like a failure. An emotional drinker left unchecked is a borderline alcoholic. An emotional carb-addicted person becomes a

The mainstream approach to healthy eating, like much of the medical world, leaves emotions completely out of the picture. Your diabetes, heart disease, and cancer have nothing to do with your emotions, they seem to say. And your diet choices? Well, if you’re making “poor” ones, there’s something wrong with you. No wonder there’s huge collective shame around

April 2020 | 41

type II diabetic. Morbid obesity is 100% emotional eating. The standard approach tells the person that the solution is to stop the alcohol, the sugar, or the compulsive eating; but this typically fails because the food itself is not the problem. The food has been the coping mechanism for an emotional problem.

Option B: When the emotional eating is chronic, rather than indulging and continuing the pattern, you become fully present to the big emotional need underneath it. This is very difficult at first, but when you become present to your emotions, you can find a better way to address them. My go-to tool with clients is the Emotional Freedom Technique.

What is needed is presence and self-compassion. When pulled by emotional eating/drinking urges, I see two avenues of healthy expression:

When emotional eating is chronic, there is a need for counseling and deep emotional support beyond simply depriving yourself of the food.

Option A: When it’s a once-in-a-blue-moon occurrence, give into the urge with complete indulgence while acknowledging the emotional need at the core. You bring self-love into the equation by using the moment to be fully aware of the emotion, rather than escaping it.

Second: Our foods always affect our moods.

42 | The Brick Magazine

If we’re not accustomed to exploring the emotional reasons why we eat, we’re less able to look at the ways in which food affects our emotions.

I remember early in my counseling career when I had several clients with severe depression. Not once in my training or supervision was I ever encouraged to ask what my clients were eating. However, it seemed evident to me that one particular suicidal client was not being helped by his 100% junk food and sugar diet. Within the counseling world, there was no framework for me to help him with that. In my years in private practice, having since added nutrition coaching to my resume, I know I won’t be very effective with anyone if I don’t know what they’re eating. For instance, we know for a fact that alcohol is a depressant. We also know that sugar and carbohydrate addiction fuel mood disorders. And a heavy caffeine habit is like drinking stress and anxiety in a cup. Most people don’t pay attention to how exactly alcohol, cookies, mac-and-cheese, or coffee are affecting their moods. And the compounded challenge is that as we discussed before, those moods will affect their next food choices. The once-in-a-bluemoon dessert might not register as having any significant effect on your emotions; but when mood patterns such as depression or anxiety have become chronic, there’s almost always something to be looked at in your diet. With all of my clients with mood challenges, when we improve their diet, their moods also improve.

Third: Eating is inescapably an emotional act. From the first moment you were held in your mother’s arms, eating was coupled with deep nurturing and love. Add to that thousands of love-filled eating experiences throughout your life, and eating has become a fundamental human experience of love, nurturing, comfort, bonding, safety, joy, and so much more. Trying to deny all of that is like trying to negate our humanity. Eating is emotional. Eating is hugely pleasurable. Why would we try to do away with that?

In order to have a healthy relationship with our food, we need to have a healthy relationship with our hearts. As long as we battle our food and our bodies as though they were disconnected from our emotions, we will fight a losing battle. The answer is to acknowledge this interrelatedness. When we honor the pleasurable, love-filled experience that eating can be, we incorporate that into our meal preparation. When we honor our emotional needs — for love, connection, comfort, etc. — we can satisfy them appropriately. And when we acknowledge our deep, unhealed wounds, we search for the appropriate practitioners to help us heal our hearts. Morella Devost helps people turn their pain and challenges into their greatest source of strength. After receiving two master’s degrees in counseling from Columbia University, she became a Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP facilitator, and Reiki Master. Morella is a Venezuelan-Vermonter who works with people all over the world from her RV-office as she travels the US with her family. She is the host of the Thrive With Morella TV-radio-podcast show. www.thrivewithmorella.com www.facebook.com/ThriveWithMorella

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Food for Life by Marilyn A. Pellini

here are three varieties of food necessary to sustain an adult in the best possible human condition. There is, of course, sustenance for the body. But also vital is food for the mind and food for the soul. All three will help you be both physically healthy and happy in all aspects of your life..

Growing up on the East Coast in an Italian-American family, food was of the upmost importance. Both of my parents were born in this country, but kept up the Old World traditions, most especially at holiday time. Gifts at Christmas were sparse, even those from Santa, but food played on the main stage. Long before Christmas was on the horizon, Mom baked Italian Christmas cookies, wrapping them well and storing them in tins. The prunefilled ones were my favorite, and it’s a wonder I didn’t spend my whole Christmas season in the bathroom after eating so many. My mother also made a special Christmas dessert called struffoli. She would mix the batter, and then we kids were all enlisted to roll wads of dough between our hands until they formed long snake-like tubes. Then she would evenly chop those up and cook them in hot fat until golden. I believe the shortening was lard and not olive oil. It’s a wonder my generation is still alive!

44 | The Brick Magazine

Christmas dinner would begin with antipasto — all those yummy but artery-clogging cold cuts. That was followed by a type of chicken soup with escarole, tiny meatballs, chicken, and hard-boiled eggs. It’s now referred to as Italian wedding soup. Everyone could have stopped their meal right there, but next there was a pasta course of either lasagna or manicotti. At long last came the main course: a full roast beef dinner (taking into consideration those who liked rare or well-done) with vegetables, potatoes, salad, and of course crusty bread. After a break, while the table was cleared, came the fruit and nut course. This was followed by the dessert course: pies, specialties from the bakery, and the homemade struffoli dripping in honey and covered with sprinkles in Christmas colors. I’ll bet you’re already stuffed just thinking about all that food, but it was consumed over many hours, and then more red wine washed down the roasted Italian chestnuts. At that point in the day, the men would usually go out for a nice long walk, perhaps to smoke their pipe or a cigar, and the females would return to the kitchen for cleanup duty. Once darkness was upon the gathering and the carols were still resounding from the stereo set in the

living room, we all went back to the dining room table for a game of penny poker. If there were not enough adult players, the kids were drawn away from their Christmas booty and enlisted to play. By age eight, my own daughter could play and bluff a pretty good game of poker. This fanfare was repeated every holiday. Sometimes one of the relatives would try to break with tradition and serve a gourmet meal from a cookbook, but it was never received well no matter how good it was. Each holiday the preliminary courses were always the same, but for Thanksgiving all of that was still served and then followed by a true American turkey dinner. For New Year’s Eve Day, there was another feast, and my mother usually served a complete ham dinner. She would cut grooves in a crisscross pattern on the ham, stick a clove in each little square, put pineapple slices on top of that, and a cherry in the center of the hole in the pineapple. Tradition was tradition, and was so appreciated by all gathered at the holiday table. During my growing-up years, it was understood that you would go to school every single day unless terribly ill. It was imperative you feed your mind. You knew you were expected to work hard and get good grades, good enough at the very least to attend the state university, but an Ivy League school was preferred. We kids all did what our folks expected of us, and knew that no bad reports had better come home. I was a decent student, but it was not until graduate school that I buckled down enough to earn A’s. Children knew back then that the ultimate goal was to graduate with superior grades and land a well-paying (and hopefully even glamorous) job. For women, there were not all that many choices. The most popular careers were teaching, nursing, or secretarial work. I chose teaching; I always knew it was the ideal job for me, as I loved kids and seemed to be creative enough to teach in many different styles, to better reach every child in my classroom. My college courses had truly provided food for my brain and led to me taking enough graduate work to obtain the equivalent of a master’s degree. Hopefully, as a teacher, I inspired my students with a love of both learning and obtaining a fine education. One year, I had a little girl in my kindergarten class who announced during show-and-tell that she wanted to be a first-grade teacher when she grew up, as she wanted to teach children how to read. I explained that she would have to attend college in order to teach, and so she should start saving her money because college was very expensive. The next day, she came to school and told me

that she and her mother had walked to the 5¢ and 10¢ store and bought a big red piggy bank. She proudly stated she already had 28 pennies in it. I’m certain I had tears in my eyes when she told me that. The care and feeding of our soul can be accomplished through devotion and prayer — or, if one is not of a religious nature, soulful comfort can be achieved by going out to help others less fortunate. I try to give, contemplate, and (hopefully) accomplish on all those fronts. Through the five women’s clubs I belong to, I endeavor to make the world a slightly better place. Each club is involved with raising money for scholarships at their local high school, among other philanthropic projects. My primary club does this through the thrift shop they own and operate. There are five people working in the store each day, two in the mornings and three in the afternoon. They price the items donated, cycle them to the display floor, collect the money on purchases, and individually wrap each item. There are actually women who put in a forty-hour work week and aren’t paid a single penny. This selflessness can truly make your heart and soul swell. I was raised in a religious family, so I know my faith will always be a part of my life, and I consider myself both lucky and blessed to have this additional aspect of myself. I used to sing in my church choir; I found some of those long-ago hymns so uplifting and consoling. Unfortunately, age can play havoc with your vocal chords, so I am trying some speech therapy in the hope that I can return to singing the praises of Heaven. I know I want to live well and happy for many years to come. Changing my eating habits from those high, fatty, ethnic foods can help in that area of my life. Staying current with what is going on in the world and reading every spare minute I get is extremely rewarding and beneficial for my brain power, growth, and general health. To participate in my personal religious beliefs and attend church keeps me on a straight and narrow path, as I hope to always be a giver to society and my fellow man, and not a taker. Marilyn Pellini has recently published a grief book titled Dear Al, A Widow’s Struggles and Remembrances. Her other credits as a writer include recent articles in Brick Magazine titled “Memories in My Button Jar” and “Restructuring My World,” pieces in Westchester Parent Magazine, Bay State Parent Magazine, On The Water, Balanced Rock, and others. In May 2018, she took the first place prize in the NY State Federation of Women’s Clubs writing contest.

April 2020 | 45

Decades of Learning to Love My Life by Yvonne Heath

ave you ever been bullied, ridiculed, harassed, divorced, or so anxious you had chest pain? Have you wondered what happened to your life when you were suddenly forced to make a U-turn or change lanes when you thought you were going in the right direction? Me too! I laugh at all the plans I had; life turned out to have other plans for me. Thank goodness that finally, in my 50s, I realize that I was lead to exactly where I’m supposed to be. Here’s a glimpse of the first act of my life:

Twenties As most young adults, I thought I knew a whole lot about life and proved myself wrong time and time again. I went to nursing school, not knowing what else to do with myself. I loved helping people with their problems. Looking back, I realize that I did indeed care about others, but it also helped me to avoid my own issues. I craved love but constantly attracted rejection into my life. Sound familiar? I don’t think I’m alone in

46 | The Brick Magazine

that! After one particularly humiliating break-up, I packed up my car and became a traveling nurse. I left Canada and lived in Louisiana for three months and then Texas for three years. I learned the two-step, discovered what chicken-fried steak was, and how big belt buckles could really be. I thought I could escape rejection by being so far away. The problem is that wherever you go, there you are. I just kept looking for love in all the wrong places and getting dumped over and over again. After falling for a navy boy, my life changed forever. I became pregnant. I was in love with the idea of being in love, having a family, and skipping along, smelling the flowers and having a white picket fence — a well-seeded fantasy life. I ignored the signs, the red flags, and the alcoholism. Tyler was born, my beautiful boy with jet-black hair and yellow-tinged skin. The nurses teased me and said, “Are you sure he’s not Mexican?” I became a new person. I was a mom and I wanted to give my son a good life! But I knew one day, the two of us would have to leave.

Thirties Divorcing and moving with my toddler to live in my parents’ basement in a town I didn’t know was certainly not the life I envisioned having at 31. I was broke, broken, and lost. I laugh thinking of living down in the southern states and announcing to my mom, “You might as well accept that I’ll never live where there’s snow again!” And here I was, back in northern Ontario with more snow than anywhere else. As I tried to figure out what happened to my life and how to fix it, I sought out counsellors and mentors. I began to search inside for answers instead of blaming my external circumstances for where I had landed. It took a long time, but that’s when things started to feel like they were heading in the right direction, like I was steering. I was finally behind the wheel again. I slowly began to forgive myself for things I wished I had done differently. I decided at a deep level that I would not settle for anything less than what I really wanted. I deserved that. Tyler deserved a mom who cared about herself. That’s when I met Geordie, the love of my life. It started as innocent flirting; after all, he was 13 ½ years younger than me. Obviously it wasn’t going to be serious. But we sure did have fun together. In fact, we had so much fun, we got married on September 20, 2003.

Forties Twenty days before my fortieth birthday, I delivered our twins, Jadyn and Tanner. It was one of the most frightening, amazing, fulfilling times of my life. My family was finally complete. I couldn’t imagine what life had in store for me when my life fell apart at 31. You just never know what awaits on the other side of grief! I had a whole new life. We became The Heath Family Five! Life was good. I was a nurse in the chemotherapy clinic, married to my soulmate, and living with three children in beautiful Muskoka. We were happy. Then things changed. Tyler now had a great father in Geordie (his biological disappeared into the ethers) and a stable family life. But he struggled in high school and was often frustrated. A great outlet and passion of his was snowboarding, but at age 16, he severely injured his knee. To add insult to injury, it happened four days before he was supposed to get his

driving permit, which he was really looking forward to. Things went downhill from there. Tyler spiraled down into a dangerous world of drinking and drugs, which nearly killed him. Watching helplessly nearly destroyed me. We sought help everywhere we could, and after navigating a long treacherous path of court dates and lawyers, we drove ten hours through the night and admitted him into a rehabilitation center. Imagine the anguish I felt as a mom, leaving my boy there. My soul throbbed. He wrote months later that we saved his life. Fast forward to today: Tyler has found his way and is loving life in Kelowna, British Columbia. He is surrounded by mountains and he’s happy. It hasn’t been easy. In December 2019, his close friend Drew died from an opioid overdose; it was a fatal mistake while having fun at a party. He had two phrases tattooed on his chest: “Be the Evidence that Someone’s Life Made a Difference,” and “Follow the Adventure.” We keep those in mind everywhere we go. This journey we call life is full of surprises; some good, some not so good. We can have a plan, but accepting that life may lead us somewhere else should be expected. Don’t hold on so tight that you can’t accept change. It is indeed the only thing we can truly count on. Be OK with that, because it may just lead you to greater things than you could’ve possibly imagined. That’s what has happened to me in the first 49. Wow! For my second act of life, at age 50 in 2015, I left my 27-year nursing career and wrote a book, Love Your Life to Death. I’m a nurse-turned-author, speaker (TEDx Talk too!), and changemaker. But I’ll save that story for another time! Yvonne Heath is married to her best friend Geordie, has three amazing children, and is loving life in beautiful Muskoka, Canada. She has been a registered nurse since 1988, working in ten different hospitals in the US and Canada in many areas including emergency, intensive care, chemotherapy, and hospice. Yvonne became disheartened by our society’s reluctance to talk about, plan, and prepare for grief. So, in 2015, she took a leap of faith and left her nursing career and blazed a new trail. She shares her message with heart and humor as an inspirational speaker, through her book Love Your Life to Death, an online program, as a television and radio host, and through social media. Her TEDx Talk—Transforming Grief, by Just Showing Up—was launched in May 2019.

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Intentions by Monica Brancheau

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ast year, I had to take some time off from the world — work, social media, and social outings. I needed this time away from the noise of the world because my insatiable drive to be all I could be had done me in. I lost myself in the quest for perfection in all aspects of my life: work, motherhood, wifehood, volunteerism, and relationships. All of my time was spent on everyone and everything other than me. This was not a quick balloon pop, but rather a slow unraveling until the spool had no more thread. Day One of my month off from the world: I sat down and wrote a list of intentions. These were not intended to be resolutions or habits I was trying to break. Rather, these were things that I wanted/needed to fold into the fabric of my life. These intentions were about me and no one else. I did not give myself a minimum or maximum number of intentions, and instead continued to write until it felt complete. I wrote these intentions on a long piece of butcher paper with colorful markers and whimsical pictures, and then hung them on my bedroom wall near my makeup table. Every day I would wake up and read them. It was a daily reminder of how I intended to be nourishing to myself. Some of my intentions included: •

Laugh every day

•

Start a bookclub (which helped with the other intentions of reading and spending more time with friends)

•

Learn how to knit

•

Write

•

Sleep in and don’t feel guilty about it

fun colored markers, and open your mind. Remember, these are the simplest of simple things that bring joy to your life and make you feel like you! OK, here we go! (Of course, you can have the same intentions I do, but this really needs be about you)... 1.

Learn how to knit something I can wear. Last year, I had the intention of learning how to knit. The reason for this intention is that it’s relaxing, meditative, and I get to spend time with a friend while doing it! I’m also learning and always enjoy growing my mind. I keep this as an intention, as now I want to challenge myself to learn more than the basic knit.

Run a 10k. Last year, I had to begin working out again. A dear friend of mine challenged me to run a 10k. At first I said no, but then decided there was no better motivation to get off my ass than a relay team that’s relying on me!

Brush my cats everyday. I love my cats, and their purrs are meditative to me, and brushing helps with their shedding!

Start every day with a gratitude for the day, and every night with gratitude for something from that day.

Continue writing in my journal, for BRICK Magazine, and continue my book. I began this last year, and I’ve found writing to be a very cathartic process.

Take pictures! I had this as an intention last year, and did at least get printed pictures (remember when we used to do that with a 35mm roll of film?) into photo albums, but I still have thousands of digital pictures and videos that are living in a cloud that I want to do something with, but what? If you have any suggestions, shoot me an email.

Be fully present with the people I love. I have a tendency for mind-wandering or thinking about what needs to happen next. It’s the high achiever in me, and I have to fight against that with everything I have in order to be fully present. It takes practice and intent.

Play videogames. Say what?! Let me just set the record straight: I don’t like the videogames of now.

When 2019 came to a close, I had completed most of my intentions; more importantly, I felt that I had found myself and my voice again. Now here we are in 2020, and because of the strength and reserves I gained in 2019, I was able to weather the tremendous storms and change that took me into this new year. But guess what? I still need to make my intentions for 2020, so what better place to complete that process than with you! It’s ok that it’s April! These aren’t resolutions, and can be done at any time! In fact, if you think this would be helpful, you could do it along with me. Grab a long piece of paper,

April 2020 | 49

want to change it. As I get older, I realize there is so much I don’t know about my parents and their childhood, dreams, and hopes. That is what I want to mull over with them over coffee/food. 11. Intentional friendships. A.k.a, being more mindful of which relationships I will nurture and give energy and time to. It’s not possible for me to be a good friend to 20 people. So, rather than being an OK/less-than-OK friend to many, I’m going to strive to be a very good friend to fewer (less than 10). 12. After-dinner dance party. Every day after dinner, someone picks a song and we all get up and dance to it. Do my teenagers love this? Nope! Their challenge is trying to think of the shortest songs ever written! But for three minutes, we all let loose and laugh as we dance. 13. Reading Bible every day. This was on my list last year, and I began the Bible in a Year Program. I continue it this year, and it’s an essential part of my daily routine.

Pac Man, Centipede — yes. Call of Duty, Rocket League, Star Wars — nope. But, my son loves them, and when I sit with him doing what he loves to do, we connect in a way that doesn’t happen when we do anything else. He teaches me and is patient, kind, and understanding. It sounds funny, but these moments with him have made our relationship stronger, which isn’t always easy to accomplish with a 15-year-old boy. 9.

Get a dog. You already know I have two cats (and a turtle I always forget to mention), and now I want a dog, too. Last year we had to say goodbye to our sweet Dasher, and ever since, I just might be addicted to Petfinder. I’m on it virtually every day. My kids say I have “dog fever.” The hope is to rescue a Golden Retriever, and we passed the lengthy application process for a Golden Retriever Rescue, but alas, we wait and wait.

10. Weekly breakfast/lunch with my mom and dad. My parents live locally, yet I don’t have as much quality time with them as I should. I’m not going to list the excuses as why this is; it just is, and I intentionally 50 | The Brick Magazine

14. Be the woman who straightens the crown of another woman and tells no one. Too much of my life has been experiences with women trying to tear me down. I don’t choose these women as friends, but they can still seep into other areas of my life. We should be the first to build each other up, but often the opposite is true. With intention, I will find an opportunity every day to build up a woman and straighten her crown. So how did it go? Hopefully, you have a few or a lot of intentions that you could hang somewhere in your home —a daily reminder to yourself about putting you first. This is my list of intentions so far. It will morph, I may add things as time goes on or even cross some off, but I look it as my roadmap for Monica. It’s a daily reminder of what makes me feel nourished, and ensures that my spool of thread does not unravel.

A mom of four who has had multiple careers and harbors a passion for dance, Monica Brancheau is a Michigan native and graduate of the University of Michigan who then never left Ann Arbor. She has decades of experience in working with children’s issues, from education to non-profit work in teaching in urban settings and non-profit management, marketing, and fundraising. When she’s not working, you can find her gardening, reading, writing, listening to music, and spending time with her treasured family.

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