The Brick Magazine - August 2021 by The Brick Magazine Ann Arbor

BRICK

THE

AUGUST 2021

MAGAZINE

WHY DO WE SING TO OUR BABIES? A DATE NIGHT OF SELF-CARE

PLUS! WORDS THAT WORK WONDERS!

Dr. Rita Maizy

CHARTING THE COURSE TO SUCCESS

ANN ARBOR

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MAGAZINE

AUGUST 2021

Publisher • Sarah Whitsett

Managing Editor • Tanja MacKenzie

Art Director • Jennifer Knutson

Copy Editor • Angelina Bielby

Marketing Director • Steve DeBruler

Cover Photographer • John Sobczak

Contributors >>

Marilyn Pellini Brian Schrag

Liz Crowe Dr. Alon Kahana Melissa Matthews

Maria Sylvester Jesaka Webster Marji Wisniewski

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CONTENTS 6

An Apple a Day

Charting the Course to Success with Dr. Rita Maizy

Why Do We Sing to Our Babies?

Making Investments According to Your Values

Running Through the Pain

A Date Night of Self-Care

Words That Work Wonders

The Many But/Ands of Life

Welcome to Booze 101 with

Liz

An Apple a Day by Liz Crowe

Photo by Cottonbro

6 | The Brick Magazine

ave you ever walked through an apple orchard on a fall day, felt the sun on your face, waved away the bees, and sucked in the sharp-slash-rotten aroma of all the apples on the ground? No? Well, you need to add that to your bucket list because you would, in essence, experience the process of cider-making — on an olfactory level anyway. It’s one of the most ancient fermented beverages still available, with a history dating back to Northern Spain, which was making “sidra” before the birth of Christ, or back to Julius Caesar discovering the Celtic Britons drinking it. The Norman Conquest of England in 1066 resulted in the introduction of many apple varieties from France, and cider soon became the most popular drink after ale. Cider has been used as currency in many countries, including the US. As we have learned in several of my highly educational columns, there was a time in the world when it was better for everyone — kids included — to drink some form of alcohol instead of the bacteria- and germ-infested water, and until the 1800s, cider was that go-to beverage. The Industrial Revolution brought people from the farm to the city to live and work, so many orchards were abandoned, resulting in reduced production. Unfiltered and unpasteurized cider didn’t travel well from farms to the new centers of population. Plus, the increased popularity of beer, especially in cities, took a bite out of cider consumption leading up to 1919 — which, as we all know, was the start of Prohibition, and subsequently the Volstead Act, which gave teeth to the 18th Amendment. Now, however, cider is seeing the same sort of resurgence that has brought terms like “hops” and “IBUs,” “hazy milkshakes,” and “fruity pebbles” into our everyday discussions about beer. And as you might suspect, there are a slew of fresh takes, new ingredients, crossovers, and general tweaks to the basic concept of taking an apple and letting it rot in the sun a few days to create alcohol (Yes, I know it’s more complex than that, but it’s not really). This month, I’m sharing a few tasting notes with you to make some recommendations for what ciders you might like, so that you can go forth armed with a full knowledge and Liz’s Mighty Judgements about some of the craft versions vs. one of the leading style standards. Let’s dive right in and throw down a yardstick by which to measure all others before Brick cuts me off for drinking talking too much, shall we?

I decided to set our baseline by having everyone at the table taste what many consider the style standard of ciders — Strongbow, which has been made in the UK since 1960. It truly is delicious, with a sharp dryness that made my fellow tasters compare it to things like “a liquid Honeycrisp apple.” The issue I have personally with ciders is their carbonation. It’s usually either too much or too little. Strongbow hits a near-perfect sweet spot on that front. And if you want something even lighter and more refreshing, try a Strongbow pear cider. It’s kind of like the champagne of ciders, in my humble opinion. We moved on from establishing our pallets with a classic to something from Right Bee in Chicago — an apple cider with lemon myrtle and cherry blossom. Once we all looked up what, exactly, lemon myrtle was, we agreed that this one was extraordinarily floral on the nose. As in it smelled like a bouquet of flowers, which doesn’t always translate into something good to drink. In this case, the combination of flavors gave us something that tasted a bit like a light kombucha crossed with a super fizzy seltzer. As in, it was highly carbonated but fairly dry on the finish. Next up was from Fishback and Stephenson in Fairfield, Iowa. The “Pink Crush” was a watermelon cider that both smelled and tasted like a watermelon Jolly Rancher — i.e. super duper sweet and a bit heavy on the “watermelony-ness” for most of us. We decided to tone things down a bit and try a “plain” apple cider from Original Sin in New York, a muchacclaimed outfit that claims to be a “pioneer of the US cider industry.” I wanted to try their Black Widow, which adds blackberries, but I couldn’t find one so we tried their “Original Apple,” figuring it would be an exercise in comparison to the Strongbow. It was, but in a way that proved there are many ways to mash and ferment an apple. This one wasn’t nearly as flavorful or carbonated, or as one of my tasters said: “If Strongbow is liquid Honeycrisp apple, this one is a Golden Delicious, but without as many bubbles.” From there we moved back into multi-flavor territory with Sweet Lou’s apple, blueberry, and lavender cider from Brick River in St. Louis. Now, I think I’ve gone on record at some point about “lavender” as a flavor. I’m not a fan. To me, it directly conflicts with botanicals when it gets added to something like gin and is too subtle to add much of anything to vodka. But we had full-table agreement that this one smelled amazing, and that it would make a killer cider cocktail mix.

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Photo by Andy Holmes

The next one we tried forced me to open up the old booze bucket list and add a stop. Stem Ciders in Denver (one of my favorite cities to visit anyway, so I need no real excuse to go there) makes a rosé cider that uses red wine in combination with apple cider. The result? A fully quaffable, light, bubbly, not-too-sweet, not-too-dry option (or as we say in Champagne, if you recall that lesson, “extra dry” — and points to you, dear reader, if you actually did recall that).

can’t recommend this place highly enough. Options included craft ciders on tap, but those were augmented by an entire wall (and I am talking floor-to-ceiling) of imported bottles, also available for drinking. The food was the perfect complement to pretty much everything we tried. From the fresh cheese board to the buttermilk fried chicken and lamb sliders, our knowledgeable server set us up with perfect matches every time.

We ended our tasting session with Blake’s, a Michigan cidery that offers some of the most consistently delicious options out there. You can hardly ever (I mean ever) go wrong with their Flannel Mouth classic, and the Grizzly Pear version approaches Strongbow levels of perfection. We tried a new one to me, the Triple Jam, which has strawberry, blackberry, and raspberry mixed in the apple base. It’s incredible, and reminded us all that ciders can be a fun, delicious, complex option when you’re in a fermented beverage drinking mood.

There are plenty of “big cider” options like Woodchuck, Angry Orchard, and so on, and I’m not here to call them bad. They’re not. But by the way the craft cider world is following beer, there’s no reason not to try something cool and interesting the next time you’re in the mood for something made with apples.

I can’t end our cider discussion without mentioning a destination restaurant if you’re interested in or already love ciders. It’s in Toronto, which I hope by the time you read this is re-opened for travel so I can visit my middle kid. But that aside, when we moved her into her apartment two years ago, we found a place called Her Father’s Cider Bar + Kitchen, handily within walking distance of said apartment. I 8 | The Brick Magazine

Amazon best-selling author, mom of three, brewery founder, craft beer marketing consultant, and avid sports fan, Liz Crowe is a Kentucky native and graduate of the University of Louisville currently living in Ann Arbor. She has decades of experience in sales, public relations, and fundraising, plus an eightyear stint as a three-continent, ex-pat trailing spouse, all of which provide ongoing idea fodder for novels and other projects. www.facebook.com/lizcroweauthor (fan page) www.twitter.com/ETLizCrowe

“it has to be more than pretty; it must be livable” R E F L E C T YO U R L I F E ST Y L E . www.birchdesignassociates.com R E S I D E N T I A L • COM M E RC I A L

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Photo by John Sobczak

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Charting the Course to Success with Dr. Rita Maizy by Marji Wisniewski

knew my first question for Dr. Rita had to be about her fun and appropriate last name. Maizy is such a perfect name for someone who always dreamed of attending the University of Michigan. Not only is it a fun name to have at UM, but she ended up using it in a creative way to name her new dental practice, Maize and Blue Dental. As I learned in our interview, it wasn’t just her name that made Rita a perfect fit for Michigan and for her practice. It was her hard work, perseverance, and leadership that guided her through her life no matter the challenge.

THE AMERICAN DREAM I’m literally living the American Dream. I was born in Baghdad, Iraq and I’m the oldest of three in my family. At the age of six, my family and I immigrated to America to live without war and religious persecution and to have a chance at a world-class education. In Iraq, both of my parents were math teachers. They believed in working hard in a career that was productive for society. When we arrived in the US, my dad worked three jobs just so that we could survive. My mom took English classes so she could contribute as well and become a dental assistant. As a six-year-old, my grasp of the English language was shaky; this almost caused me to repeat the first grade. At times I felt like a failure, but even at a young age I knew I was not going to accept defeat. My parents pushed me to go forward and learn what I could. Perseverance was part of my culture and something that our family instilled in me from a young age. After about three months of living in the US, I was able to test out of an ELA class and I ended up helping the other kids learn English as well.

As women, we are often told we can’t do certain things. People may say, “You’re not pretty enough, you’re not smart enough, you’re not confident enough.” I believe that when I’m told I can’t do something over and over again, these are the exact times to prove them wrong.

A HELPING HAND When we immigrated to America, we ended up in Royal Oak, Michigan. With both of my parents working, they enrolled me in the Boys & Girls Club (now called Metro Detroit Youth Club) in our area. Every day, I would ride the bus to the Club after school. Here, they taught me how to do homework, get organized with school paperwork, and more. It became a home to me. This was also the first place where I used my hands to explore art through painting and ceramics. I really think this was one of the reasons I chose dentistry out of other health professions, as it allows me to use that creativity in a unique way. By age 14, I became a Junior Staff Member at the Club and even worked as the art director for a summer as well. It August 2021 | 11

Metro Detroit Youth Clubs serve over 2,200 Club members in locations throughout Metro Detroit. The mission of the Club is to empower youth to reach their full potential through safe, accessible, and inclusive experiences that open doors to a bright future, enabling every Club member to graduate from high school with a plan for college or career, contribute to their community, and live a healthy life. Building on 60 years of serving Metro Detroit youth, the Club is guided by mission-focused, evidence-based programs that focus on literacy, mental health services, mentoring, workforce development, and play opportunities in health and fitness. To learn more, visit www.miclubs.org.

Photo by John Sobczak

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was so rewarding to be able to give back and help the kids develop life skills, just as the Club had done for me. In 2010, having attended the Club throughout most of my childhood, I earned the honor of representing the Club as Michigan’s Youth of the Year. This recognition also included a scholarship that helped me pay for undergraduate school.

OUTFITS

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A DREAM EDUCATION Attending the University of Michigan had always been a dream of mine. Although my parents highly valued education, in my culture, unmarried young women typically don’t leave home and go away to school. So, I secretly applied to U of M, figuring I could work on convincing my mom and dad if I actually got accepted. As the oldest of three children, I felt it was my duty to help break down cultural barriers for my siblings as well. I remember the day I was accepted like yesterday. I’m sure for most students it’s one of the happiest days in their lives, but for me, I was more concerned about how I was going to persuade my parents to let me go. It was actually my grandma who convinced them in the end. My grandma, who recently passed away, wasn’t new to breaking down cultural barriers. When she was a young woman living in Iraq, she left home to attend college, lived with three female roommates, and eventually became a schoolteacher. This was and still is not the norm in Iraq. Although my parents agreed to let me go off to school, they only did so if I agreed to pay for it. I applied for every scholarship I could find and managed to completely fund my college tuition. Going through this fueled my belief that as young women, we should never give up on whatever we find important and are passionate about. Also, if you can, you should surround yourself with others who support you whatever your passions and goals are. I met my husband, Ian, on my first day at Michigan. He is not Chaldean, so he would not be a popular choice for a partner in my culture. But Ian is the most loving and supportive person. We’ve known each other for over 11 years now. I’m so thankful for the University of Michigan for allowing me to meet the love of my life.

FULL SPEED AHEAD As a sophomore, I found a second love in a sport. Initially, I tried out for the Women’s Rowing Team, but I was told that I was just too small to make the team. The coach asked me if I was interested in being a coxswain for the team. A coxswain is like a mini quarterback who steers the boat and gives directions to the rowers). I didn’t know much about the role and declined the offer, as I had my mind set on rowing. But, as fate would have it, I ended up in a class with

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a number of guys on the Men’s Rowing Team. Due to being outspoken in class, I had emerged as a team leader, which gave them the idea that I would make a great coxswain for the Men’s team. When they approached me, I couldn’t believe I was being offered this role again. I initially turned them down, but they persisted and asked me to come down to the boathouse to learn more. I soon realized that I might actually be a good fit for this position. I was new to the sport and to the job of coxswain; I made the team, but was assigned the last boat on the freshman team. The guys in the boat didn’t trust me at first. Earning their trust as a woman on an all-male team initially proved to be a challenge. There was this perception that the men were doing the physical work and I was just there to yell at them. But the rowers realized that having a solid coxswain is really how you win a race. A strong coxswain is someone who can call a race plan and find ways to motivate each rower. I had to learn about every man in the boat and find out what personally motivated them to push past giving 100% and work even just 2% harder. By the end of the first year, I was racing in the top boat; by my second year, I was on the Varsity Team. My time as a coxswain afforded me many opportunities (like racing in front of Queen Elizabeth!). It taught me how to find the best in someone and help them bring it out. August 2021 | 13

NARROWING THE FIELD It was my junior year of undergrad when my mom approached me about my career path. I was studying science and chemistry at the time. I knew that I wanted to work in the health field and loved my time at the Club working with children, so I thought becoming a pediatrician was a good fit. However, my mom really wanted me to consider dentistry. Being a dental assistant herself, she noticed my artistic ability and passion for helping others. I began shadowing and volunteering at a local nonprofit dental clinic. There I was able to reminisce about my personal orthodontic and dental experiences. I remembered being afraid during my first of sixteen primary extractions and being in the chair with what seemed to be power tools in my mouth. These experiences helped me empathize with the patients who came to see us at the clinic. I also found inspiration and guidance from three important women in my life. As I mentioned, my mom was a hygienist. My boyfriend’s mom (now my mother-in-law) was an endodontist who I looked up to. And I found a mentor in a local oral surgeon whose work ethic in a fast-paced, male-dominated field was awe-inspiring to me. After meeting her, there was just no turning back. Before I knew it, dentistry became my life. I began enjoying reading research articles, ranging from how children lose their teeth to new ways to approach bone grafts and implants. There was no doubt that dental school was my next step.

OUT OF LOCKDOWN INTO A CAREER

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I thoroughly loved my time at the University of Michigan School of Dentistry. In my second year, I was nominated by my class to be the Class President. I’m glad that I accepted the challenge, as it ended up being an extremely rewarding experience. I’m looking forward to planning our class reunion this fall, as we didn’t get to celebrate graduation together during the pandemic lockdown.

I actually took my Boards on Saturday, March 14, and then school was closed on Monday due to the beginning of lockdown. As we awaited the go-ahead for dental practices to reopen, my mentor and partner Dr. John McLaren and I planned the opening of our new practice: Maize and Blue Dental. We took over the practice from a retired dentist, Dr. Michael Kress, in Ypsilanti. May 29, 2020 was our first day open, the first day Michigan dental practices reopened, and my first official day on the job. Although opening a new practice in the midst of pandemic had its challenges, it also had its opportunities. Patients began to realize the importance of their oral health and how it’s connected to their overall health. I noticed patients asking more specific questions on how they can better care for their mouth. This is a big step in the dental field, because the mouth is often such a low priority for most people. As it turns out, oral health is a major predictor of multiple health concerns. The other positive takeaway was that my staff quickly became more efficient, effective, and compassionate providers in the wake of the pandemic. We didn’t know if one of us would be exposed to COVID-19 or if our patients were struggling with something pandemicrelated, so we really had to support one another. Everyone learned each other’s roles and we truly became a family focused on how to best treat our patients. Just as I had to earn the trust of the rowers in the boat, I know I have to do the same for my patients. Dentistry is so much more than just poking around a mouth; it’s mostly about the human attached to that mouth. I like to sit down with each patient before I work inside their mouth to understand their lifestyle and their needs. Every patient needs customized care, and if you don’t learn and understand the person behind the smile, then that becomes impossible. At Maize and Blue Dental, we are a small and compassionate office with high technology and practice employing evidence-based dentistry. We believe in personalized care; when you’re a patient at our office, you’re more than a chart number — we will likely know what your spouse does for a living and where your kids go to school. Our patients truly become our family. Through having a dental practice, I’ve found that it all goes back to that trust value I focus on. If you can show people that they can trust you by being honest and genuine, being a leader is significantly easier. (Also, sidenote: baking each staff member one of my famous cakes on their birthday also goes a long way!)

If you’re looking to brighten and enhance your smile, Maize and Blue Dental is now accepting new patients! Call for your appointment today at 734.434.6170 or visit maizeandbluedental.com for more information.

WHAT’S ON THE HORIZON This fall I’m looking forward to my first teaching experience. I will be teaching clinicals at the University of Michigan School of Dentistry to second-, third-, and fourth-year students. I’ll be teaching them how to fill their first filling and much more. My brother is currently attending dental school out in California. Lately, I’ve been thinking it would be great to be in a group practice with him as well as Dr. John. As I dipped my toe into dental practice ownership this year, I’ve realized that this is something I want to continue to do more of in the future as my confidence for dental leadership grows. I would also like to get more involved with the Michigan Dental Association (MDA) focusing on organized dentistry. Organized dentistry facilitates research into the efficacy and safety of dental products, and also creates a stronger network of dentists who look out for each other. It’s the interpersonal connections with my patients that I value the most. I enjoy getting to know each and every patient that comes in and utilizing my artistic abilities to assist in recreating a smile. I’m also very thankful to my parents for not only teaching me a solid work ethic, passing on their resilient mindset, and providing a calming presence, but for allowing my energetic personality to shine through. These are principles I’ll carry with me to help steer me forward into my future, whatever may lie ahead of the bow. With a passion for marketing that started as a young girl, Marji Wisniewski created her own marketing and communications organization in 2017. As owner of Blue Zebra Marketing Solutions, she helps local and regional businesses and non-profits tell their story through branding, graphic design, content creation, and PR, focusing on customized solutions for each client that are more unique than a zebra’s stripes. A Michigan native, Marji received her bachelor's from Western Michigan University and master’s from Wayne State University. When not working you can find her gardening, doing Pilates, listening to podcasts, and spending time with her family and two dogs.

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Why Do We Sing to Our Babies? by Alon Kahana, MD, PhD

Photo by Kristina Paukshtite

he study of child development has come a long way in the past century. To answer this question about singing to babies, we need a short history lesson. In 1981, Professors David Hubel and Torsten Wiesel won the Nobel Prize for Physiology or Medicine for their pioneering work on the neuroscience of visual processing. A few decades before, Hubel used a tungsten wire (an electrode) to record electrical activity from a single neuron. Next, in the 1960s, Hubel and Wiesel collaborated

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and found that specific neurons were activated by vision from one or the other eye. In their experiments, neuron activities of kittens’ brains were measured while the kittens were shown various visual stimuli. Here is where it gets really interesting. In a series of published scientific manuscripts, Hubel and Wiesel revealed that blocking vision in one eye prevented the development of the neurons that were supposed to register vision from that eye. Furthermore, if vision was blocked for just

a short period, the kittens’ brains still developed the ability to see out of that eye. But the longer that vision was blocked, the poorer that kitten’s vision would develop, until eventually vision would not develop at all — even though the eyelids were reopened and the eyeball itself was completely normal. This is called “neurologic blindness” or amblyopia. These experiments revealed three very important things: 1. the brain is born with the potential for functions such as vision; 2. actual development of that potential requires a stimulating experience (e.g. visual input from a seeing eye); and 3. the time period for when this could happen is not limitless, but rather preset for a particular period of childhood development — what they called “the critical period.” This means that the human brain is born with the potential to see, speak, learn vocabulary, do math, hear music, feel empathy, engage in athletics, memorize, rhyme, dance, play an instrument, socialize — all the things that make our behavior “human.” But it also means that developing this potential requires stimulating experiences — actually seeing, hearing, speaking, etc. And it means that for the appropriate parts of the brain to properly develop, each one of these experiences needs to occur within a “critical period” of development for that particular trait/skill/behavior. Thus we sing, play with, and stimulate our babies. We engage our toddlers and pre-schoolers in sports and reading and arithmetic, which continues into adolescence. We hug and comfort our children, teach them empathy, buy them music lessons, provide them with order and structure, and socialize them with their siblings, other children, and even pets. We do it early. We do it often. And our children benefit by stimulating the appropriate parts of their brain to develop to their fullest potential. Different brain activities have “critical periods” at different ages. Some occur much later in development, e.g. algebra. But every brain “skill” has a critical period of development that falls within some range for the majority of us humans. There’s a corollary to that: as the groundbreaking studies of Hart and Risley and others have revealed, children who grow up disadvantaged — in homes devoid of toys, books, structure, empathy, or social engagement — will not develop these neurologic circuits in their brains, even though their brains have the potential for developing all the above skills. Furthermore, as summarized in a

wonderful book by Dr. Dana Suskind (Thirty Million Words: Building a Child’s Brain, 2015), research shows that children of parents who don't have a high school diploma are exposed to vocabularies that are an order of magnitude lesser than children of parents who have a college degree. And children who grow up in emotionally distant or even abusive households will not develop the empathy and social skills that their brains are capable of. Our prisons are full of people whose brains were never given the chance to fully develop. In conclusion, the scientific studies of Hubel and Wiesel won the Nobel Prize not because they outlined the specifics of how the visual system develops, but rather because they revealed that there’s tremendous potential in all our brains to learn and do amazing things. However, to harness that potential requires an appropriate set of experiences. For children born to privilege, the opportunities for development are there. For those less fortunate, we as a society can help by providing babies and children with the appropriate nurturing, stimulating environments, e.g. Head Start and other programs. Let’s hug our young boys and encourage them to cry. Let’s play catch with our young girls and encourage them to compete. Let’s read to and with our children, play math games with them, and expose them to the sights and sounds of human culture — art, music, dance, poetry, etc. That is what they need to reach their potential. But we have to do it while they are young — we can’t wait for them to get older because the “critical period” will have passed. So sing to your children while they’re still infants; every note and rhyme will encourage a spark that teaches them how to be human. Dr. Alon Kahana is a professor of oculoplastic surgery at Oakland University’s William Beaumont School of Medicine. He was born in Ramat Gan, Israel, and grew up in Connecticut. He completed his undergraduate studies in biochemistry at Brandeis University and received his MD and PhD in molecular genetics and cell biology from the University of Chicago Pritzker School of Medicine. In 2007, Dr. Kahana was recruited to the University of Michigan Kellogg Eye Center, where he rose up the ranks to become tenured faculty with an international reputation in orbital surgery. He has authored over 80 peer-reviewed publications, multiple book chapters and reviews, and has given 100+ lectures throughout the United States and internationally. Dr. Kahana sees patients in Ann Arbor, Livonia, and Flint, and operates at multiple locations throughout Southeast Michigan.

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Making Investments According to Your Values by Brian Schrag by Brian E. Schrag CFP®

here are many options available when you’re looking to invest your money. Traditionally, investors usually pay attention to balance sheets, profit margins, and dividend yields when selecting stocks and mutual funds to help them grow their money. But more recently, more have begun to align their investments with their personal values. One way to accomplish this is to use an investment approach that focuses on environmental, social, and governance (ESG) criteria. In my 30 years in the financial industry, inquiries about ways to save money as well as the planet have increased exponentially. Interest in sustainable investing began to accelerate in the 2000s. According to a recent study, McKinsey & Company. "From 'Why' to 'Why not': Sustainable Investing as the New Normal." October 2017.

The Impact of Sustainable and Responsible Investment, October 2018.

Wells Fargo/Gallup Investor and Retirement Survey, February 2020.

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Photo by Tim Mossholder Photo by Tim Mossholder

assets in these types of investments grew by an estimated 38% from 2016 to 2018 in the US, rising from $8.7 trillion in 2016 to $12 trillion in 2018. Today, sustainable investing accounts for about $1 out of every $4 under professional management in the US. A 2020 Wells Fargo/Gallup survey found that 82% of surveyed investors showed interest in choosing investments based on the environment, human rights, diversity, and other social issues — if those investments provided returns similar to the market average. Additionally, 69% of investors would choose to use these Investment and Insurance Products: NOT FDIC Insured

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Wells Fargo Advisors is a trade name used by Wells Fargo Clearing Services, LLC, Member SIPC, a registered broker-dealer and non-bank affiliate of Wells Fargo & Company.

types of investments in their retirement accounts if they were given the option to do so. Although ESG investing has been increasing over the years, it still has obstacles to overcome. For example, exactly what is meant by “sustainable” or “socially responsible” is one hurdle for this principle’s continued growth. The rules of what companies fall under this label are loosely defined and often change as our world economy grows. As of now, the best way to digest this concept is to look at it in three buckets:

401(k), your investment is the wind in the sails of our economy. With the advent and growth of ESG investing, you can now have some say in the direction you move those sails. By investing with an eye towards ESG, you’re doing a few things: 1.

Contributing to positive change. Investors can help contribute to positive change by investing in companies whose business practices are more compatible with their values.

ESG Analysis seeks to manage risk by integration of ESG factors that influence both financial performance and society at large.

Complementing philanthropy. While contributions to a single nonprofit can be significant on a local level, investing in ways that align your philanthropic and investment interests can help generate a more global impact.

Involving family and fostering legacy decisions. Aligning investment decisions with your values can add to important conversations and considerations related to a family’s desired goals and legacy, and can guide a family toward shared objectives.

Socially Responsible Investing seeks to avoid industries and companies that are not in alignment with an investor’s values, primarily through exclusions. Impact Investing intends to generate an identifiable and measurable impact in addition to a financial return. Some of the more popular causes that ESG tackles are reducing pollution, promoting responsible corporate governance, and advancing racial and gender equality. Companies that focus and strive to improve in areas such as these are more likely to make it into an ESG mutual fund or on the ESG buy list of an investment bank. Another obstacle to growth in this part of the industry is the misconception that one must forgo profit for principle. However, a growing body of evidence suggests that the financial performance of companies using ESG strategies is commensurate with those that do not. In fact, more than 90% of the 2,200 individual studies reviewed by the Journal of Sustainable Finance and Investment have shown a nonnegative relationship between ESG and corporate financial performance, with a majority of findings showing positive results. But make no mistake about it — sustainable investment strategies do come with risks, like any investment. Whether you’re buying shares of an individual company in your IRA or contributing to a mutual fund in your

As the ESG concept continues to grow and investors drive its popularity, corporate America will most certainly take note. And if the amount of queries I receive about this style of investing is any indication, their time is now.

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August August 2021 2021 || 19 19

Running Through the Pain by Melissa Matthews

hen I decided to run the Detroit Free Press Marathon last year, I knew it would be a challenge. Being somewhat new to the running game, and nowhere near an extreme athlete, I wondered what I was even thinking signing up for such a thing. After going back and forth with myself and carefully considering every outcome, I realized one huge detail: I had done something so much harder than this!

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The whole reason I started running was to distract myself from the decade of emotional baggage I had been carrying around since my divorce. Realizing that I did not do everything right during the grueling process, I began running as an outlet to start unpacking the deep-rooted emotions that had taken power over me for so long. The more I ran, the more confident I became. The more confident I became, the easier it was to start having the

difficult conversations with myself. The more conversations I had with myself, the more I was able to understand and admit the things I should have done, and more importantly could have done differently. I also began to understand the very dangerous mindset a person can fall into if they allow themselves to be driven by hate instead of love. Like many divorces, mine was severely contentious. The result of unfaithfulness and betrayal left me in a puddle of emotional chaos. Unable to sort out, much less understand, what I was going through internally caused me to fall into a deep depression. After years of zero self-care, things went from bad to worse and it became abundantly clear to me that every decision I was making was motivated by the scorned and troubled me, not the wise and knowledgeable me. I was being directed by attorneys who purposely created conflict, judges who were ignoring pertinent information, and friends and family who were just as angry, hurt, and distraught as I was. This is not a good recipe for conquering trauma. When I finally realized I needed a healthier outlet, I started changing my everyday habits. I was eating better, which lead to more energy; higher energy lead me to start running. At first, it was brisk walks that turned into jogs. The jogging turned into exhilarating running and before I knew it, I was craving the release. Some days, my runs would last for hours, and while I would be extremely exhausted, the work I accomplished in my head was unbelievably constructive. I stared each run by telling myself this:

“Girl, you can do hard things. This is going to be hard for a long time, but when it’s over, you’ll be free, and strong, and wise. Just keep going…” Sometimes, these words would be specifically about the run I was attempting to accomplish. Other times, they would be geared towards a court hearing I was preparing for. Many times, it was just symbolic of my life and how hard it was some days to even get out of bed in the morning. Every time I told myself this, I felt stronger, and I knew that if nothing else, I was making myself proud. Each time I ran, I became more comfortable with myself. My body and mind began to connect. My breathing stared syncing with my steps. My stride became strong and powerful. My goals became focused and driven. My “hard things” were becoming empowering realizations and life lessons. I was changing. When I reflect on the decade of despair that I allowed take over my wellness, I still feel sad and wasteful. What

if I had done the hardest thing imaginable and embraced the “other woman?” What if I had led with forgiveness and grace towards my husband instead of disparagement and contempt? What if I knew that the heaviness of the load I was forcing myself to carry could be less if I simply stopped reacting to the hate and negativity? What if I was just… stronger? I have learned as I age that most of the experiences in my life could have been handled differently — some different in a good way, some different in a worse way, some just different. The trick is knowing you are better than you were. My marathon was canceled last year due to COVID. Having been disappointed to have worked so hard with no finish line, I’m currently training for this year’s race in October. Comforted by the encouragement of my family and friends, I’m extremely excited to accomplish this goal, no matter what the outcome. A part of me feels like I’ve already won just by being brave enough to try. It took my 13-year-old son to telling me recently to realize that very thing: “Mom, all you have to do is try.” When I think back on all the years I spent sad, defeated, and broken, I find encouragement in knowing that without the hard things, I would never feel like an overcomer. Whether your goals are big, small, socially unacceptable, seemingly silly — it does not matter as long as they exist. Running through the pain brought me back to life. When I became brave enough to feel the things I was hurting from, I also opened myself up to feeling the good. When I found out how strong I was, I became more driven to accomplish goals I didn’t even know I had. If I don’t finish the race, I will be disappointed because I know I can, but whatever outcome will be okay because I will know that I tried. Recognizing regret is hard because you can’t change the past, but forcing myself to try is something I know I will never regret. Melissa Matthews Allen works at Preferred Title Agency of Ann Arbor. In addition to working in the title insurance industry for over 20 years, she also runs a wellness business called MindfullyFit.org., and is a certified personal trainer. She was recently featured in the plant-based eating national publication called “Forks Over Knives” as well as “The Exam Room” podcast, which examines vegan nutrition and medical news. She grew up in Ann Arbor, Michigan and has a 13-year-old son. Her passions include wellness, fitness, family, and helping others find what makes them want to make healthy lifestyle choices.

August 2021 | 21

A Date Night of Self-Care

by Jesaka Webster

ate night is a night many couples look forward to. It could be a night on the town, maybe including dinner and drinks. Or perhaps a concert or movie. The buzz and excitement of a night packed with adventures definitely has appeal, but what would it look like to do just the opposite? Is it possible that slowing down with your partner could be just as gratifying? Is it possible that you could go on a

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Photo by Yaroslav Shuraev

date, barely speak at all, and possibly feel more connected than before? Self-care is such an important component of individual health, but it can also be important to relationships. Prioritizing self-care together can provide a new avenue of connection. Below is a list of a few ways to incorporate rest, relaxation, rejuvenation, and (most of all) unspoken connection into a date night here in Ann Arbor.

Five Ways to Relax with Your Partner in A2: 1. Let off some steam in a Jacuzzi at Oasis Hot Tub Gardens. It feels like a mini vacation, but it’s just down the street. Each room is themed and decorated, with your choice of music — you can even choose what scent you want in the room! They have indoor and outdoor options — all private either way. I recommend reserving one of the rooms that has a fireplace to turn up the ambiance even more. 2. Release tension during a couples’ massage. Sometimes it’s nice to do an activity with your partner that doesn’t involve talking. Bellanina Day Spa offers couples’ massages and even full-day couples’ retreats! 3. Let your worries float away during a float therapy session. At NeuroFitness Wellness Center, float therapy is a technique specifically designed to help your body reach a state of deep relaxation so your brain can rest and repair. A rested and repaired brain sounds helpful in any relationship. 4. Stimulate your senses with a sound bath. 7 Notes Natural Health offers couples’ sound bath sessions. The combination of the gongs and singing bowls produces

a vibration frequency that can send you into a state of deep meditation. It’s a wonderful and natural way to quiet the mind and let go of the constant chatter of our thoughts. 5. Walk it off with a walking meditation. Pick your favorite trail in Ann Arbor (mine is the South Loop Trail in Lillie Park) and walk with your partner in silent meditation. Mindful walking involves thinking deliberately about actions that you normally take for granted. Walking meditation has benefits such as anxiety reduction, improved sleep, and making exercise more enjoyable. You might be surprised by how connected you feel afterward — or you might share a laugh about how silly you felt while doing it. Either way is a win. Jes Webster is a new mom, wife, healthcare professional, and activity enthusiast. Originally a Southern California native, Jes fell in love with a Michigander during grad school and started putting down roots in The Mitten. After almost a decade of living here, she now considers herself a true Ann Arbor Townie! When she’s not at work or out having fun with her family, she loves to share fun activity content on her Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook page MichiganDateIdeas.

August 2021 | 23

Words That Work Wonders!

by Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC

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hat if you had a nifty little treasure chest of magical words you could reach for to help smooth over all those rough conversational edges you experience in relationships? Ta-da! You’ve come to the right place. For contained right here, in this article, is my prize collection. Mind you, it’s not just any collection, but rather one that has been tried, tweaked, tested, and proven true — numerous times. My husband can definitely testify to such. Words have the power to fuel or destroy our relationships. The art of choosing the right words is essential in decreasing conflict and increasing connection. Talking is one thing. Conversation is another. A truly meaningful conversation has the ability to calm and stabilize one’s heart and brain. A destructive conversation, on the other hand, can trigger a flash flood of cortisol and adrenaline in the body. Stressed individuals will seek to protect and defend themselves. Either way, our words have an impact — for better or worse. A rich, five-star conversation, to me, is one of listening without judgement, speaking without criticism, and connecting with compassion and empathy. Easy to say, not always easy to do. Yet conversations, when done well, allow us to connect beyond our differences. For me, that’s a key intention. The words we use, as well as the style in which we utter them — our tone, reading of cues, and even the timing of our pauses — are all such elements that play significant roles in the outcome of a diamonddelicious discussion.

Best Intentions Imagine yourself coming to your partner or a dear friend with the best of intentions for a meaningful conversation about a hard topic. There’s a lot to keep in mind. For starters, remember you are both wired differently, with unique psychological backgrounds, personal histories, and relational competence levels. Given these factors, I suggest first setting an intention to simply stay open and creative coming to the table, vs. the temptation to polarize around differences. Next, create a spacious atmosphere for listening. One can do this by simple checking in to see if the other person is available to discuss a topic. Ask your partner, “Are you open to hearing something that’s been weighing on me?” If the timing isn’t great, agree together on when might work. Ideally, you want to enter the conversation mutually prepared to have it. The alternative is that one or the other feels cornered or caught off-guard, thus entering the conversational ring feeling unsafe from the get-go. I once

heard it said that conflict is “growth trying to happen.” Nice, right? So prioritize listening. It’s best if you can start tough conversations by creating fertile ground for that growth trying to happen.

Choice of Words Matters Let me share a few of my favorite words and phrases that have the power to infuse goodwill and positive energy into conversations. My marriage, for instance, has been delightfully transformed by the phrase “I have a request.” I love this opener, as it immediately communicates that the person of whom the request is being made has the freedom to choose a response. They can agree to meet the request…or not. Making a request is different than saying, “I need...” When you tell someone you need something, it can feel, to my ear at least, more demanding, constricting — or, depending on the tone, even clingy. And, truth be told, under most circumstances, we all have the capacity to meet our own needs, even while longing for another’s support. Requesting something is a beautiful way to express a desire, big or small. Requesting also offers a way to nicely, and without criticism, let someone know you prefer one behavior over another. For example, “I have a request: Can you please keep the opened mail in a separate pile?” This request rings lighter in the ear than, for instance, “I hate it when I have to sift through a pile of mail to get to what’s important.” The latter, of course, can indirectly imply criticism. Then there’s the intriguing but/and duo. Both of these little three-letter words pack a powerful punch. They’re called conjunctions, and they serve to join two statements. And joins two ideas in an inclusive way. But joins opposite ideas. That said, let’s consider the impact that using one or the other has on a conversation. In my experience, if a friend tells me they long to be in a relationship, but aren’t sure they’re ready, I hear a contradiction. The first part of the sentence feels weak, hard to believe, or just plain gets canceled out. If instead they say they want to be in a relationship and aren’t sure they’re ready, I take both elements to be true — their desire and their feelings of being unprepared. In an effort to foster strong relationships, I suggest staying very conscious of when you plop a but in between two thoughts you are sharing. Using and seems a more inclusive way to roll — both your ideas will more likely be considered, with far less resistance to either.

August 2021 | 25

Photo by Zhen Hu

Next, let’s consider practice of mirroring, a conversational tool that has long been thought helpful, yet one I personally don’t see utilized much. I, myself, am guilty of frequently skipping over this wisdom nugget. Mirroring is simply the skill of repeating back, in your own words, what you’ve understood another to have said. It’s an invaluable skill in that during the delicate interplay of conversation, one is too often more focused on preparing a follow-up response. It’s better to first confirm you have heard correctly what has just been shared. Not mirroring someone might indicate lack of attention. A commitment to paraphrasing what you’ve just heard ensures you’ll stay fully present when someone is holding forth. To not do so opens up fertile ground for misunderstandings, and sometimes even deep unintentional woundings. One way to counter misconstruing someone’s words is to repeat back your version of what you heard, then asking, “Did I get that right?” Taking just a wee bit of time and giving attention to the details that matter, namely understanding another with care and precision, go a long way to foster powerful, rich relationships. Make sure you are comprehending another’s perspective before offering your own. I’ve saved the best for last. My all-time favorite conversational sparker is the “Tell me more” request. Magic happens on so many levels when these three words come into play. They empower both the speaker and the listener. The speaker realizes that the listener cares about and values what’s being said, and that they desire more information. There’s also the indirect implication of a longing, on the listener’s behalf, to understand further. The listener, in asking to hear more, is additionally exhibiting

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the capacity to wait before responding. And the speaker, invited to carry on, can delve deeper into fleshing out ideas, feelings, or experiences. This automatically enhances the deliciousness of the moment for both parties!

Profound Impact Everything we do effects others. We are interconnected beings always and ever impacting each other. Conversations are a central vehicle for furthering connections. Words are the linchpins in the process. Allowing yourself to be authentic and vulnerable, to expose the inner workings of your heart and mind to another through carefully-chosen words, forms the core of a healthy relationship. Our sense of aliveness is enhanced through our capacity to successfully express ourselves and feel truly heard. So, my friend, I invite you to continue honoring the wisdom of words, and all the wonderful ways of speaking them! Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC is a certified Life Coach in Ann Arbor, MI who loves empowering adolescents, adults, and couples to live from the HEART of what really matters to them so that they can bring their fully expressed, vibrant selves into the world. She has a special gift for helping women reclaim their feminine power, and embrace their radiant, sensual, sexy spirits. Their lives transform. They soar into their mid-life magnificence! www.lifeempowermentcoaching.com Instagram: @life_coach_maria Facebook: www.facebook.com/LifeEmpowermentCoaching

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August 2021 | 27

The Many But/Ands of Life by Marilyn A. Pellini

Photo by Stanley Morales

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ur conversations, and in fact even our written words, are punctuated constantly with the conjunctions “But” and “And.” Our lives are often a juxtaposition of those two words. I sometimes think “But if only,” or “And if I had just…”

if I could have been prouder. We, the parents of these campus leaders, were treated as if we were royalty with a gourmet luncheon preceding the parade, seats on the fifty-yard line for the big game, and a huge pom-pom chrysanthemum corsage to distinguish us from the crowd.

Here are some examples in my own life and my family’s of “But if only:”

“Oh! But if I had just…” convinced my husband not to take a job with a major US corporation. Al had just finished his military service as a naval lieutenant and had started his job search. At that time, we were living in Rhode Island close by family and life-long friends. Jobs were so scarce back then, he had to apply for positions along much of the East Coast. I did not like the idea of moving since I now had my baby son Michael to care for, and so hoped his grandparents and relatives could help me out a bit and be involved in his life. Instead, I found myself in New Jersey. When the young man connecting my telephone asked me to call someone so he could make sure the system was set up correctly, I got a bit teary explaining I knew no one who was not a long-distance call. Instead, he called his office and assured me all would be okay. I was certain he was not only referring to the telephone service!

How I wish I had taken school more seriously. Perhaps it was not totally my fault, as I was promoted to first grade after only half a year in kindergarten. I remained the youngest one in my class all the way through high school. Maturity gives one a different perspective on the importance of good grades. Thus, I was a mediocre high school student, and when I set my heart on attending what was then the sister school of Brown University, Pembroke, I was not accepted. That was quite a blow that left me with but one choice, which was to attend the local state university. That, however, was a great experience and actually led me to my choice of career — teaching. The college had an experimental training opportunity right there on campus, which was included in some of the Home Economics classes, or where one could simply volunteer their time. The children in this group were mostly the offspring of the professors, and ranged in age from infants to just before public school age. I became totally enchanted with these little ones, and right then and there vowed to pursue a career as a kindergarten teacher. My son Michael had a similar experience when he was about to start college. He applied to a couple of Ivy League schools, but did not gain admission. He had come to me at the end of his freshman year in high school asking, “Mom, how come you never told me my grades from ninth grade went with me to college?” I explained that I had told him that over and over, but he was not ready to hear it or do anything much where intense studying was concerned. Mike was disappointed when rejected from these ultra-prestigious schools, but decided to attend Bucknell University in Pennsylvania. Nothing better could have happened to him. He loved it there and became so active on campus that he was voted one of the four men and four women who did the most for the college while attending this fine school. Those students who were honored rode in open convertibles for the homecoming parade with their names emblazoned in large letters on the car door. If my child had been elected President of the United States, I do not know

“If I had just…” looked for a bigger house when my kids reached their young teenage years. Because we moved around so much, our first house was very small. It was your basic three-bedroom one-bath colonial home, but we knew we could upgrade upon our next relocation. As luck would have it, we never moved again. This was very wonderful for my children, however, since they went all through one school system. When they went off to college and my husband switched companies, we began a house search again, but in our area it was hard to find a house with any charm. We had been raised in New England with its special examples of houses of much antiquity. After a year-long search we gave up and remained where we were, and upon Al’s retirement we spent our winters in Florida. After three months away on vacation, our house no longer seemed so small. At only age 71, my husband lost his life in a bizarre fishing accident, and now a sixroom house on a third of an acre of land seems almost too large. I have to hire someone to do just about everything — painting, lawn cutting, hedge trimming, and even heavy inside cleaning, as that too is getting difficult for me. It was truly a blessing that we had not moved, as with help I can manage this place on my own, and it is wonderful to have something constant and familiar in my life. This next “But if only” scenario is probably a “woman thing,” but how I wish that I had not encouraged my children to go so far afield! In my heart I know that was

August 2021 | 29

Photo by Rowan Heuvel

best for them, but selfishly, being without my husband and my children living quite far away means I am often lonely. I even worry about how many years I will actually be able to live on my own. I would never want to move in with either of my kids, but how wonderful it would be if one of them lived at least within striking distance. When they were applying to college, Al and I encouraged them to go to the best school they got into, since neither of them had honed in yet on a career choice. After college, they both went on to advanced degrees and got jobs very close to where they had taken their final schooling. They met their mates in those areas, and that is now where they live. I talk to my children often by phone, email, and even FaceTime with them, but it is so hard not to see them in person and often. This became especially true when they had children, my grandchildren, who I do not see on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis. With all the hesitancy of But/Ands in my life, would I change anything, anything at all? That is a definite “No.” I did not have any control over my husband’s death, but have a firm belief that things happen for the best. Perhaps Al would have had a difficult, prolonged illness. That would have been

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just horrible for both him and me. Also, I have a strong faith. Yes, we have free will, but perhaps the hand of God pushes us in the direction where we will be happiest. My pointing out these “what if” moments in my family’s life is to totally reassure myself that things often turn out for the best, but also to convince you, too, that we need to roll with the punches, trust our instincts, and at very worst pivot our direction toward an alternate goal. Having great strengths and skills helps, but it takes determination, lots of hard work and devotion to be happy and successful. My life has been a constant wonder, and I am ever so grateful. Marilyn Pellini published her first book, Dear Al, A Widow’s Struggles and Remembrances, in 2018. That same year, she won the first place prize in the New York State Federation of Women’s Club writing contest. In the past, she’s had poetry and articles published in magazines such as On the Water, Westchester Parent, Balanced Rock, and others.

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