The Brick Magazine: March 2018 by The Brick Magazine Ann Arbor

BRICK

THE

MARCH 2018

MAGAZINE

FEED YOUR GLOW YOUR HEART KNOWS, FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION

PLUS! WORK-LIFE SUSTAINABILITY WITH MARIE KLOPF FROM THE ANN ARBOR ART CENTER

Millie Chu

FOCUS ON RISING, NOT PERFECTION

ANN ARBOR

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THE

BRICK MAGAZINE

MARCH 2018

Publisher • Sarah Whitsett Assistant to the publisher • Jillian Fraioli

Art Director • Jennifer Knutson

Copy Editor • Angelina Bielby

Marketing Director • Steve DeBruler Steven Goossen

Cover Photographer • Anita Schade

Contributors >>

Morella Devost

Lisa Nogueira

Randi Rubenstein

Kristen Domingue

Debra Power

Stephanie Saline

Angela Harrison

Lisa Profera

Maria Sylvester

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6 | The Brick Magazine

CONTENTS 7

Letter from the Publisher

Millie Chu Focus on Rising, Not Perfection

12 Work-Life Sustainability 16 Youth Entrepreneurship 18 Woman on the Street

My Legwarmers are Magic

20 Your Heart Knows,

Follow Your Intuition!

22 Love Your Swimwear Any Size, Any Age

25 Feed Your Glow 28 First Comes Love,

Then Comes Marriage, Then Comes Baby...

30 Hair-Free is the Way to Be 32 How Do We Heal From Sexual Assault?

PUBLISHER letter from the

love interviewing people. One of the personal reasons I started this magazine is that I started to feel disillusioned by “how I created my success” stories. Often we hear stories of break-out success, but when we look to see what happened, how that person created their win, the substance is missing. Instead, we get an airbrushed, overly-polished veneer of a story. And these are just the “good” ones, the ones that aren’t laced with marketing. That’s not what I wanted for the interviews at The Brick. Instead, when I’m interviewing people for you, I have three questions in mind: What is the truth? What makes her tick? What are the values and goals that got her here? Don’t you want to know what really happened? What was it really like for her to build her business? Did her kids just magically start taking themselves to school or did she have to get help? What lessons did she have to learn the hard way? What choices did she make that made this easier? In the world of online marketing, influencer marketing, and social media marketing, you’ll find a lot of advertising disguised as “true stories;” a lot of “rah-rah.” I don’t want to be a part of that. I don’t want you to have to guess how women build successful lives. I’ve only recently realized that we had built this into our culture at The Brick. If we screw up with one of our clients or an advertiser, we tell them the truth and then ask them honestly: how can we make this better for you? We know we’re not going to do everything right. The other thing that matters to me is making sure readers just like you (and everyone we come in contact with) feel cared for and seen.

slots, with emails that read, “Hey, we can get you in front of X readers for Y dollars.” But don’t you just tune out emails and conversations that sound like that? In an effort to “play by my own rules,” and contribute to what I hope is an upcoming era of truth and transparency, my message to them is this: you choose what’s right for you and your company, and we’ll make things work for you. Often, this surprises them. And I love being a part of that. We have two advertising sales team members. Each, independently of each other, recently shared how excited they are to work in a business that looks at sales in a completely different way than they have ever experienced. And they’ve been in sales for eons! What’s cool about this is that I didn’t sit down and say, “I hope my sales guys feel like this.” My thinking was simply, “I need to sell ad space; I don’t have enough time to do it the way I want to with three boys, I need to find someone and empower them to sell it any way advertisers will buy it.” The only thing I insisted on was that this couldn’t be “sales as usual.” It had to be done in a way that wasn’t completely transactional. So, it’s interesting to see the reflection back — by just doing the thing that felt right to me, we have created a unique culture among our team and the people we work with. It matters to me that this magazine doesn’t recreate the things I’ve loathed about marketing and sales. It matters to me that we operate in truth, transparency, and trust with you and with our advertisers and clients so that they can feel cared for by us. Couldn’t we all use a little more of that in our work lives? In our lives, period?

I know this isn’t typical in business. We live in a culture where we’re used to having transactional interactions. You do this for me; I pay you that. I do that for you; you pay me this. The reality of running a magazine is that I’m an advertiser. So, telling my prospective clients, “Hey, I want to make sure you feel seen and cared for” is atypical. They’re used to people like me hard-selling magazine

Sarah Whitsett, Publisher thebrickmagazine.com March 2018 | 7

Millie Chu

FOCUS ON RISING, NOT PERFECTION by Kristen Domingue

was an immigrant child who arrived in America with interested eyes and a candid heart. I am the daughter of a seamstress who worked in a sweatshop and a father who was a taxicab driver. He held a second job as a cook where he offered to work for free to gain experience while he was attending culinary art school. My parents and I immigrated to the United States from China when I was four years old. They did not have much more than the clothes on their backs, a few dollars in their pockets, and with three small children living in the slums of New York City. We moved to Michigan when I was eight years old, and by the time I was eleven, my mother and father had worked so hard that they saved enough money to start their own restaurant business. They began with much weight on their shoulders, spoke very broken English, and started their life in America with nothing to their name. At eleven years old, I, too, began my journey learning about business through my parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; aspirations. Since my parents spoke broken English, not many could understand them.

photo by Anita Schade treasuredmiraclesphotography.com 8 | The Brick Magazine

They brought me along to meetings with attorneys, accountants, contractors, and vendors to help them translate. Granted, I didn’t know what anything meant; I just did what they asked me to. I watched, listened, implemented, and over time I learned. We eventually built two successful restaurants along the way. Unbeknownst to me, these experiences would one day empower me to think about why I do what I do today. When I was fourteen, my mom became very ill. My father and I took her to the emergency room. The doctor explained the situation and said, “Miss, we need to perform surgery right away. We need to do it now. If we wait, she will die.” I asked, “What is the chance of survival through the surgery?” “50/50,” he said. I was able to be in the room with my mom when they submitted the anesthesia. I held her hand as she laid on the bed. I could tell she was drifting away. I’m trying to not shake or cry. I wanted to be strong for her. I said, “Mom, you have to get through this! I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.” She looked at me and said, “My daughter, you can do anything. Don’t be afraid,” and her eyes slowly closed. She survived, but was unable to work for the next several weeks while in recovery. She managed the

administrative duties such as bookkeeping while my dad managed the kitchen. Since she couldn’t work, she told me: “Bring these items to me, and I’ll teach you.” And for the next several weeks, I did the bookkeeping, old-school with paper, pen, and ledgers. This was over twenty-five years ago before QuickBooks and spreadsheets caught on! I thought to myself several times, Goodness, I hope I calculated this correctly! Luckily, my father reviewed my work. While kids my age were playing and having fun with their friends, I worked after school and on weekends and became a manager by the time I was eighteen. When I became a legal adult at age eighteen, I chose to be completely on my own. My parents’ success gave me no excuse to fail. They were an example; if they could do it with the little they had, I could too. I was already ahead compared to what they had to start with. My mother and father didn’t want me to leave. My mom pleaded for me to stay. She didn’t want me to live a hard life and be out in the unknown; but I was ready to discover the unknown. I couldn’t put it into words at the time, but leaving would give me the chance to grow further. It was hard to look at the sadness in her eyes when I walked out the door, but I

March 2018 | 9

knew I wanted to do this. My mother taught me to be strong, determined, and to always rise. I was going to show them what I can do. Was I ready? No. Where the conditions perfect? No, but I took the leap. There’s a story in the book Over-Achievement by Dr. John Elliot where he shares a story of an Olympic skier. Many skiers had had their turn competing for the gold, and it was now his turn. The weather turned nasty, the slopes were not in good condition. They advised him to wait for the weather conditions to be right, but it didn’t happen, and time was running out. Against the odds, he made the decision to go anyway, and leapt forward. He looked messy, flailing around; he didn’t look elegant doing it. But then, he crossed the finish line and won the gold. The reporters flooded him with questions asking him what was on his mind. He replied that he wasn’t thinking about anything but the finish line. The conditions may not be right, it won’t look perfect; but through the storm, he won. At each stage in my life, no matter how difficult it became, I kept my eyes on the finish line and focused on rising, like my mother said. My journey to this day had never been easy. There were people who constantly tried to tear me down. Some were supposed to be my friends, some passersby, and some were family. They tried to make me feel worthless. They said I would never amount to anything 10 | The Brick Magazine

and told me I was dumb. For a while, I believed them. One day, I chose to not listen to them anymore and supported myself through four college degrees and graduated with honors. One of the most important success factors that helped me was to understand my value; transformation begins when you know your worth. Throughout my life, the conditions weren’t right. There were many storms, many mistakes, and many challenges that nearly put me in the grave. I had such stories I couldn’t speak of at the time because it would’ve broken my parents’ hearts if they heard. After years had passed, and I overcame the challenges, I told them stories of survival, loss, and victory. Their eyes flooded with tears and they asked, “Why did you not tell us? We’ve could’ve helped. We’ve could’ve protected you.” I responded, “I will never allow my problems be your burden. You have been through enough. But I tell you now because you taught me to rise and I want to show you that I did.” It never occurred to me that the experiences in my life were ever extraordinary to share, but I later realized it wasn’t about that. Years ago, I was asked to be a public speaker at a women’s education event. When I was finished, I was surrounded by applause, women who expressed heartfelt thanks, and hugged me as if I were their sister. I saw the impact that awakening

their spirit made; and in that moment, I knew that this was one of the ways I could help others break through barriers and live a more authentic, purpose-filled life. I was to share experiences of my journey so I can help others learn how to turn challenges into triumphs, the power of empathy and perseverance, and to know self-worth. I have done hundreds of speaking events on motivation, business, and entrepreneurship. I am determined to live my fulfillment not simply through speaking the words, but by vindicating it through action. Words without action mean nothing. My work is four-fold and involves elements of business, entrepreneurship, education, and consulting. As a Faculty Affiliate at the University of Michigan, in the William Davidson Institute, I work with an amazing high-impact team in collaboration with the Center for International Private Enterprise (CIPE) in Washington D.C. We’ve launched a program in Istanbul and Gaziantep, Turkey. Our goal is to support the development of sustainable livelihood solutions through entrepreneurship, mentorship, and job creation in the food industry for Syrians and other refugees in host communities in Turkey. I recently traveled to Istanbul to train teachers and leadership staff on the Entrepreneurship Curriculum myself and others at WDI composed. Previously, for my work in Bahrain, I designed a plan to guide the development of an Entrepreneurship Coaching Platform and held train-the-teachers workshops on operational processes and how to coach entrepreneurs. As a Certified Small Business Consultant for the Michigan Small Business Development Center (SBDC) in the Greater Washtenaw Region, I work with a brilliant, driven team that I consider family. We help launch businesses and positively impact the economy by strengthening existing companies, creating new jobs, retaining existing jobs, and assisting companies in defining their path to success. In addition, I am the Founder of A2 LEAP, an executive coaching resource helping organizations in areas of leadership and professional development. Through organizing over thirty A2 LEAP community events, I have donated 1,200 hours of service on entrepreneurial and executive education and donated the proceeds to non-profits such as SafeHouse Center and The Women’s Center of Southeast Michigan.

As a teacher in higher education for over ten years, I’ve taught at a handful of universities and colleges in courses such as Business Management, Marketing and Sales, Business Communications, Entrepreneurship, E-Commerce, Operations Management, Human Resources, and Organizational Management. Most recently, I’ve been involved with instructing courses at Washtenaw Community College (WCC) and work in collaboration with the Entrepreneurship Center at WCC. Furthermore, I serve as a judge for the Michigan Business Challenge (MBC), the largest business plan competition held at the University of Michigan, founded by the Zell Lurie Institute for Entrepreneurial Studies at the Ross School of Business. Through interactive training, experiential learning, and action-oriented implementation, I teach the mechanics of launching and sustaining a successful business, quantitative and qualitative essentials, and the consciousness of success. I have taught thousands of students, directly consulted over 400 companies, launch over 55 startups throughout my career, and aided in building organizations and entrepreneurial infrastructures locally and across the globe. My method entails teaching others how to holistically combine heart, mind, spirit, and knowledge to create the life they have envisioned. My mission and passion is best described by a quote from Oliver Wendell Holmes, a Supreme Court Justice in the late 1800s: “The greatest tragedy in America is not the great waste of natural resources, although that is tragic. The greatest tragedy is the waste of human resources where the person goes to their grave with their music still in them.” My mission and passion is to ignite the fervor in the entrepreneurs and leaders of today and cultivate the entrepreneurs and leaders of tomorrow by guiding them to realize the music within them, and by doing so, I am also realizing mine.

Kristen M. Domingue is a copywriter and content marketing consultant in the New York City area. When she’s not delivering on client projects, you can find her cooking up something gluten-free or in an internet rabbit hole on entrepreneurship or astrology. March 2018 | 11

WORK-LIFE SUSTAINABILITY IT HAS TO WORK FOR YOU BEFORE IT CAN WORK FOR ANYONE ELSE by Kristen Domingue

deserving organization. It was through the process of learning that the real magic of expanding the Art Center unfolded.

hen we interviewed Marie Klopf of the Ann Arbor Art Center, we were pleasantly surprised to find a woman who solved the “work-life balance” dilemma. Her solution? Forget balance; think sustainability. Read on to find out how she built both a sustainable life and a sustainable nonprofit, the trialand-error process of navigating ambition, motherhood, marriage, and the lessons she learned along the way. ___________________ When I started at the Ann Arbor Art Center, I was humbled by how much I didn’t know and how much I needed to learn in order to successfully lead such a wonderful and 12 | The Brick Magazine

The challenge before me reminded me of my first finance class in college. I thought it was going to be easy. I was smart. I felt like I could do it. Sadly, on the first test, I scored the lowest grade in the class. I was mortified. I met with the professor to learn what I needed to do. And then with great pride, on the second test, I scored the highest grade in the class. My experience throughout my personal life and professional career has followed a similar path. When I look back, I can see that this is who I’ve been all my life — willing to dive in, willing to learn — able to pivot if things didn’t go the way I thought they would. And if there was one thing I’d want any woman to know, it’s this: be willing dive in and get it wrong, learn valuable lessons, and ultimately be comfortable with the concept of “failing forward” as a true measure of success. One of my favorite lines was Cokie Roberts’ response to the question “Can women really have it all?” She said, “Yes, women can have it all, just not all at once.” I wish I would have heard and understood this when I was younger; maybe then I would have been more patient while I was learning to navigate motherhood, career, and marriage.

YOU WON’T FIND “BALANCE,” BUT YOU CAN BE IN BALANCE WITH WHO YOU ARE I was an engineer for GM and left after I had my second baby. Back then you had to choose: you could either be a stay-at-home mother or a career woman. I struggled with this decision because the truth was, I was both. I’m sure on my tombstone it will say, “She never really found balance; she continued to try and do it all – all at once.” In my heart, I knew that if I became a stay-at-home mother, both my children and I would have been unhappy. I’m of the firm opinion that the biggest thing we can do for our children is to chase our dreams; that’s how they learn to chase theirs. We are all unique individuals and we can embrace our uniqueness, without apologies, and be true to who we are. A lesson learned.

After my children were in school, I went back to work full-time in the chemical industry and began traveling extensively for work. I was away from home often which became problematic, especially as my children were becoming teenagers. So, I jumped off that speeding train and I took a job with a startup in Flint, Michigan which was closer to home. Sadly, my marriage became a casualty of my “lack of balance” during this tumultuous time in my life. Pressing forward and needing greater flexibility both with my career and with my family, I ventured out on my own and started a consulting company that specialized in Purchasing and Supply Chain Management. Building a consulting practice was wonderful, profitable, and afforded me tremendous flexibility.

After my second child was born, I stayed at home for a while until one of the suppliers I worked with asked me if I’d consider joining their sales team. I took the job — part time, 3 days a week, for eight years — and loved it. Women, collectively, must fight against stereotypes that tell us who we should and shouldn’t be. Find out who you are, and courageously live your life accordingly. March 2018 | 13

But true to my nature, with the business booming, my life tipped out of balance as I began working excessive hours — clearly a pattern throughout my career. I am energized when my work positively impacts the success of organizations and the people who work for them. The practice grew and I eventually I took on a partner in the firm. After several years, and after my children graduated and moved away, I yearned for a new challenge. Luckily, I had saved enough money so that I could take time off to explore new opportunities, which is exactly what I decided to do — I took a 6-month sabbatical. About 3 months into my sabbatical, I was contacted by a colleague about the Ann Arbor Art Center’s search for a new President/CEO. The current CEO of 34 years was planning to retire. I was asked if I would consider a 6-month interim role while they conducted a formal search. I said yes.

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MAKING SERVICE SUSTAINABLE Almost immediately upon accepting the interim role, I became enchanted with the Ann Arbor Art Center and its rich 108-year history. I threw my name into the hat and, with great excitement, became the full-time leader of the organization.

Leading the organization, not being from Ann Arbor, and having no formal training or background in art was both thrilling and terrifying at the same time. Initially there were significant infrastructure challenges, including phones that didn’t work, outdated software, poorlydocumented policies and procedures, etc. It was very rewarding to focus on building an amazing team and just “fixing” things. Our next challenge was to develop programming that integrated both art and technology. In the spirit of STEAM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Art, and Mathematics), we developed and launched the Roseann Hebeler Brown Art Reach Technology Lab (ARTlab), which offers a full suite of classes that combine fine art and technology. Stop-Motion Animation and Graphic Novel Academy are two signature classes that are available in our ARTLab education program. By 2014, the Art Center was thriving and unable to keep up with the community’s demand for visual art experiences. We were out of space. After extensive research and a great deal of luck, the Art Center had the opportunity to purchase the building next door – our dream of expansion came true. Non-profit arts and culture organizations remain vulnerable to economic cycles. In good times, we thrive. In bad times, we struggle and often experience set-backs that take years to fully recover from. With this new space will come a new business model — one that can both thrive and survive as the economy naturally cycles. Currently the Art Center earns 75-80% of its income. Some people look and say, “Wow, that’s awesome!” and others think, “You need to do a better job of fundraising.” Both are true. We’re focused on answering the question: How do we best serve the community and achieve sustainability with a business model that endures for our next 100 years of visual

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art presentation in downtown Ann Arbor? The answer to this question is a work in progress; stay tuned! ___________________ What we loved most about our interview with Marie is how transparent she was about the reality of “balance.” While she claims she never found it, we can see that she found her way to be in balance with who she really is, rather than who the world thought she needed to be. She also found a way for the Ann Arbor Art Center to be in balance with the current economic realities facing nonprofits. Is sustainability the new balance? We certainly think it is. If you’re curious about supporting the Ann Arbor Art Center, checking out an event, taking a class, or going to see their exhibitions — there are a lot of ways to get involved that fits your passion. And of course, there’s always writing the Art Center a big check!

March 2018 | 15

YOUTH ENTREPRENEURSHIP by Debra Power

Abi Middaugh started her business, Fancy-Free Organizing (www. gofancyfree.wordpress.com) in Summer 2017. She offers professional organizing services with a flair for helping people find a place for everything in an otherwise cluttered situation.

ecoming an entrepreneur can be a challenge at any stage of life, but two local young women can serve as an inspiration to anyone who has thought about striking out on their own. Naja Prince and Abi Middaugh are dynamic 14-yearolds who have their own businesses and recently signed on to mentor other young entrepreneurs for the Running Start program. Running Start offers workshops for middle and high school-aged youth to get the skills they need to become entrepreneurs. During the workshops, Abi and Naja will share their experiences and challenges to help their peers.

What motivated you to start Fancy-Free Organizing?

I sat down with both of these young women to hear more about their entrepreneurial journey, what motivates them to succeed, and how they strive for balance in their busy lives.

I have always loved organizing, and my family always asks me to help with organizing â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m the go-to person. I was running a dog-sitting business, but I shut it down and decided to try an organizing business.

16 | The Brick Magazine

How did you choose your business name?

Why did you start Wag Your Tail Doggie Treats?

I named it Fancy-Free Organizing because I love to help people and help them feel fancy-free because sometimes their stuff and clutter weighs them down, and it can be mentally exhausting. When they clear it out, it makes them feel better about themselves and their lives.

I started my business because my dog didn’t like storebought treats and started getting sick off of them. So, I started playing around to create my own that even people can eat. I went to the dog park, and they started selling, so we went to farmer’s markets and door-to-door, and now we have a business.

What is it about you as a person that makes you a good organizer? I don’t have a natural attachment to things. Other people are attached to certain things like objects, but I don’t have that natural attachment and can say “Just get rid of it.” I don’t have a problem with that at all. I see things from an outside perspective, which is what people need. They need someone to be firm with them and tell them “You need to get rid of this because you don’t need it.” Or, I can find another way to use it — maybe frame it or make a collage. One of my clients had a bunch of ticket stubs, and she couldn’t get rid of them, so we put them into a collage.

What does the future hold for your business?

Is anyone else in your family a business owner? Both of my parents are. My dad sells sweet potato pies, and my mom sells t-shirts and is a fashion stylist. I was able to see my dad’s work ethic and how it helped him. It helped me to see what they were doing. I had other ideas for a business, but it ended up being dog treats.

How does door-to-door selling work for you? We go to people in my neighborhood or other local neighborhoods, and we ask if people have a dog and if they are interested in buying treats. It worked well — we got a lot of sales. We don’t do it as much in the winter.

I want to continue through high school and build my business and website. After that, I want to use the extra money to buy a rental house after college so I can start my career in real estate. I like listening to podcasts about real estate and think about ways to have less stress with money in general. That’s really appealing to me. I want more freedom, and to not have to go into work every day.

What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned so far?

What do you love about being a business owner?

What’s the future look like for Wag Your Tail Doggie Treats?

I love helping people, and I love seeing their faces when they see how I can help them. I like the aesthetics of the before and after pictures and seeing how a drawer can change. I also like getting rid of stuff because it’s freeing — even if it’s other people’s stuff, it’s still satisfying.

Right now we are working on reorganizing and rebranding the business so we can be more efficient when we try to approach stores with the treats. I’d like to get into local stores and support the community and young entrepreneurs. We have been working on a contract for distribution so that young children to about age 18 can start distributing our treats and having their own little business. This will teach them how to own a business. You need to be more self-sufficient and entrepreneurial, and being able to teach youth about that is a privilege. I also see our treats in stores in the next two years, and our own stores in ten years.

Naja Prince formed Wag Your Tail Doggie Treats (Facebook: Wag Your Tail Doggie Treats) when she was 11. As a seasoned business owner, she had great insight into how an entrepreneur can retool their business to meet the target market. Naja’s also a serial entrepreneur who is starting a photography business.

I’ve learned how to manage my money and be more selfsufficient. I like to go to the mall, but I also have a business to run. It’s like my mom says: “If you work hard, you play hard.” Scheduling is also really important and knowing what you want to do before you do it. Surround yourself with people who are time-efficient as well.

Debra Power is the Founder & President of Running Start (www.running-start.biz) and President of Power Marketing Research (www.getresearchpower.com). She wishes programs like Running Start existed when she was young.

March 2018 | 17

WOMAN ON THE STREET

MY LEGWARMERS ARE MAGIC

t started innocently enough when I wore my LL Cool J t-shirt to the gym. Sure, my drawers are filled with snazzy yoga tanks and sleek running tops, but there was something in the air that was more ‘Mama Said Knock You Out’ than lithe workout pony. I shimmied into my standard issue skin-tight capris and, because it was

18 | The Brick Magazine

by Stephanie Saline

cold and there was a good five inches of skin between where my pants ended and my ankle socks began, I added the finishing touch to my outfit with (wait for it)... legwarmers. At first, I thought nothing of it. But once at the gym, it was clear that magic was afoot. As soon as I took

off my coat, my friend Michael chuckled, “Oh hey! LL Cool J!” and, music nerd that he is, started to rattle off album titles and trivia. “I don’t really remember that stuff,” I told him, “but yeah, his songs take me back.” I took off my legwarmers and wrapped my hands for boxing.

Halfway through the class, a woman came over to me, beaming, “My mom has such a CRUSH on LL Cool J!” She went on to tell me all about how her mom thinks he’s so sexy and dreams of going to one of his concerts, to bask in it like a Mediterranean sunbather.

ride. The most quotidian outings become cutting room floor scenes from Flashdance; people respond differently to Legwarmer Me. My Legwarmers have what I can only assume are magical powers. They get people to open up and tell me things they wouldn’t otherwise.

A few weeks later, my yoga teacher complimented me on my outfit. I’d dressed myself in the dark in two purple shirts, blue workout pony capris, and (wait for it)... legwarmers. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I wasn’t trying to be hip; my ankles get cold, and I hadn’t done laundry.

Case in point: I was FaceTiming with my friend Wendy in San Francisco. She was reluctant to tell me, as she sat on her deck in a tank and sunglasses getting tan, how warm and sunny the weather is out in California. Sounds wonderful, I told her, but the cold weather here just means I get to wear my legwarmers. She insisted I show her my gams and their knit accoutrements. And when I did, she told me this story:

When I was in the second grade, I wore the same thing to school every day: a leotard, a pleated plaid wool skirt, Kangaroos sneakers with the zippered pocket on the side — where I kept a penny — and (do you see where this is going?)... legwarmers. On a recent afternoon walk, I had an inkling to peek inside a shop I’d never been to before, on the main street of our shopping district. As soon as I walked in the door, my eyes caught sight of the most wonderful legwarmers. Knit from alpaca’s wool, they were light blue, dark blue, and brown, with a snowflake pattern in grey. As soon as I saw them, the little girl inside me said, “I must have those!” The adult me obeyed, bought them, plunked them in my backpack, and walked home like the cat who had caught the canary.

“When I was eight, I took the city bus to school every day. I had the same bus driver. And he always looked out for me. After a few months, one day I got on the bus, and he handed me

a gift. It was legwarmers. They were red, white, and blue. What was also cool was that my grandma happened to live on the same street as the bus route, so she would wait by her window for us to go by so she could wave at me, and my bus driver knew this so he would slow down so I could see her.” She said she hadn’t thought of that story in years. Legwarmers are a ridiculous piece of clothing, I’ll grant you. And yet, when I pull them on, I can’t help but feel I’m summoning a bit of magic. They connect me with the delight I felt dressing myself as a kid, and get the people around me telling me their stories. And they really do keep my ankles warm. A teacher and advertising writer based in Buffalo, Stephanie Saline spent one decade on adventures in Japan, Seattle, and Montana, and another decade building a popular copywriting business. She now leads writing workshops where women become the hero in the story of their own lives. “We live in a world where we are all heroes now – and that’s a great thing.” Find out more about her work at www.stellaorange.com.

But I’m beginning to think that these are no ordinary legwarmers. Because every time I wear them, extraordinary things happen. It’s like a magic carpet

March 2018 | 19

Intuition!

YOUR HEART KNOWS, FOLLOW YOUR

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Listen to your inner voice…for it is a deep and powerful source of wisdom, beauty, and truth, ever flowing through you. Learn to trust it, trust your intuition, and in good time, answers to all you seek to know will come, and the path will open before you. –Caroline Joy Adams by Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC

and become a significant deterrent to their trusting themselves. Doubts, however, are just thoughts that take you away from what you want. So banish all doubts! When they surface, instead of heading down the path of considering them further and stewing over them, simply ask yourself, “What is it that I truly want?” Clearing away doubts in this way allows you to stay more quickly and closely in touch with your authentic self.

ntuition exists as a constant presence inside of you. One must be present for this presence! Just like breathing, your intuition has a life force that is pure and unstoppable. Just how often do you give credence to the rich inner wisdom your intuition is laying out for you? I love reminding my coaching clients of the intuitive power they have at their fingertips at all times. Perhaps, most importantly, I like to remind them of how essential it is to hone one’s ability to truly value and learn how to access this information. Because if you don’t tune in to that deep well of knowledge that exists on an intuitive level, it is as if you’re leaving a huge part of yourself behind all the while trying to roll successfully through your days. Take those blinders off! Open to your heart’s wisdom and callings. And how, you may ask, is the best way to do this? First, slow down and listen for the intuitive rumblings alive in your heart. All too often, given the hectic pace of our lives and the constant bombarding of stimulation we are exposed to day in and day out, it is really hard to tune in to yourself! Becoming calm, quiet, and inwardly attentive is essential. A vessel must be emptied before it can be filled. Try slowing down and pressing the pause button on all those extraneous thoughts buzzing around

in your head. Clear an emotional space so you can begin to hear that sweet, quiet voice of your own deep knowing. Listening for, and then to, your intuition is critical because it can reveal significant soul longings or soul messages you just might want to attend to. Your intuition is your guide to what matters to you, in your life, at any given moment! Often the information that is revealed comes in the form of a whisper, or a very subtle, soft nudge. It will most likely be a nudge that you will want to be truly present for and then ready to fully embrace. Your intuition will offer you promptings that, if attended to, can guide your life forward in unbelievable ways. Another observation I’ve had as I’ve coached clients to listen to their inner voice is that doubts can creep in,

And then there is the taking action part. Once you have developed your ability to honor your intuition as a perceptive response, you are ready to take action. And the exciting part is that you can now relax knowing and trusting that whatever action you take will always have your best interest at heart! When you follow your intuition, you are happier, wiser, and more inspired. What’s not to love about that? Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC is a certified Life Coach in Ann Arbor, MI who loves empowering adolescents, adults, and couples to live from the HEART of what really matters to them so that they can bring their fully expressed, vibrant selves into the world. She has a special gift for helping women reclaim their feminine power, and embrace their radiant, sensual, sexy spirits. Their lives transform. They soar into their mid-life magnificence! LifeEmpowermentCoaching.com Complimentary First Session 734.717.7532 March 2018 | 21

LOVE YOUR SWIMWEAR

ANY SIZE, ANY AGE by Angela Harrison

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f you’re headed off to warmer climates for Spring Break this month, or just need a swimwear refresh for the coming summer season, I’ve got you covered. There’s so much more to swimsuits than what meets the eye. A good suit that will hold up through washing, and last several seasons, won’t come by cheap but is completely worth the investment. These swimwear lines tend to be made with a thicker, more durable padding and fabric (that lasts in the wash), are double-lined for less exposure while wet, and have styles with support technology, which can be crucial for the perfect fit. High quality swim brands to keep an eye out for (and are also great finds at TJ Maxx and Nordstrom Rack!) are La Blanca, BECCA, Miraclesuit, and Seafolly, and any mid to high-end department store brand such as Ralph Lauren, Kenneth Cole, or Trina Turk. Swimwear styles today offer so many amazing coverage options while being on trend and looking stylish. Your

comfort level is key in feeling confident in your beachwear, which is why I always start with the client’s coverage preference. This has nothing to do with body-type or age; it’s about what makes you feel your absolute best and most comfortable. So, take a few seconds and focus on what you like to accentuate about your body. Got it? Now, let’s find out which styles will best suit your swimsuit wishes? Swimwear isn’t everyone’s fave when it comes to shopping and packing, but with all of the suits and cover-ups out there, it’s so easy to hate it a little less. Try a style you’ve never worn before, make sure it checks off all of the things you need to feel comfortable in it — why bother if you don’t feel good? When we look good, we feel good (I say this all the time, but it’s true!). Wear your confidence to the beach this season and enjoy the important stuff in life, like cocktails and quiet time. The rest is covered.

LIGHT COVERAGE The classic bikini comes in several versatile styles and cuts; there are so many coverage options in this style alone! Triangle top, bandeau, halter, wrap top, one shoulder, high neck, brief bottoms, tie bottoms, shirred bottom, Brazilian cut, French cut — I mean, the list just goes on. Gone are the days of a bikini that constantly needs adjusting; you can actually swim in these styles without feeling like a wardrobe malfunction is on the horizon. Seafolly’s “Modern Love” bandeau bikini top has a wrap feature in the middle with an adjustable tie-halter strap that can be worn around the neck or tied at the chest for a strapless look. And while it’s completely on trend with this season’s florals and color palette, its bandeau shape is naturally holding in that bust-line like a champ. Ted Baker’s one-shoulder ruffle bikini top is another great option for light coverage with maximum support and style. The ruffle trend is still going strong into Spring/Summer ’18, and this top hits the mark; throw on a pair of breezy print wide-leg pants, and you’ve got an instant beachside lunch look.

Angie Harrison received a BS degree in fashion merchandising from Western Michigan University, and after merchandising for a large retailer, went on to start Angela Harrison Style; a personal, print, and film wardrobe styling service. Her experience has led her to build a loyal client list of people from all backgrounds and professions. Angie has also worked in wardrobe on local and national tv commercials and has started a visual merchandising branch of AHStyle, providing styling and merchandising expertise to Michigan retailers. March 2018 | 23

MEDIUM COVERAGE The mid-coverage trend has been so flawlessly embraced by all ages and body-types and is quickly becoming an absolute favorite among women. Taking from swimwear silhouettes of the 1950s, medium coverage bikinis feature a high-waisted brief bottom and a bikini top of your choice! It’s a great solution for anyone wanting more coverage through the hips/torso and not compromising your bust or natural waistline. Underwire tops pair beautifully with high-waisted briefs, like this Alpine Butterfly “Dolly” top, by lifting the bustline away from the waist and giving you full support as a bra would. Many high-waisted bottoms feature cutouts on the sides, mesh designs, and lace to add strategic peek-a-boo moments. The Becca “Captured” high waist bottoms give more coverage than a low-rise brief or tie bottom, but also have such a strong style. The lace design offers a concealing benefit while being feminine and delicate. There’s no need to compromise style for coverage that makes you feel comfortable. One-piece suits with cutouts also offer medium coverage with fabulous style, like the BCA “Better Than Ever” cutout suit. There is so much glamour and simplicity with this style, it’s a complete showstopper. The “Rodeo Keyhole” onepiece by For Love & Lemons also provides torso coverage with a completely open back and alluring keyhole neckline. The ruffle accents make this suit playful and elegant; you could throw a maxi skirt on and go to a wedding in this thing!

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FULL COVERAGE This is the rebirth of the onepiece bathing suit. With so many styles ranging from barely-there to full coverage, one-piece suits have completely made a comeback. Full coverage doesn’t have to mean matronly; you can still get coverage along with fabulous style. The “Pinpoint Tiering Up” tankini top by Miraclesuit (with body-control technology) has great tiered layers that create a camouflage effect on the bust, waist, and hips, making everything fit into place. Just as the ruffles of this top add great torso coverage, so does the “Tapestry Flyaway” tankini top by Profile by Gottex. With a bandeau top securing the bustline, the flyaway hemline allows for movement and comfort. The colors of this print are so fun for summer, and this top can be paired with a highwaisted, full-coverage bottom for maximum coverage and effortless style. For one-piece options, the “A-List Parker” by Magicsuit creates a smooth silhouette with a bodyskimming layer that ends at the upper thigh and right below your backside. It almost feels like the evening gown of swimwear — completely gorgeous and elegant while poolside, and looks like a million bucks. Another timeless style is the print off-the-shoulder one-piece by Jessica Simpson. This boho style features a gorgeous orange and black diamond print off-the-shoulder layer with tassels, completely ready for a wrap skirt and drinks at the beach bar. Suitable for any body type, these one-pieces deliver fashion and beach in the perfect package.

FEED YOUR glow by Lisa Nogueira

photo by Caroline Hernandez ith wedding season upon us, let’s talk about some healthy and beautifying food options for

your big day!

On the morning of my wedding, I woke up with swollen red eyes. It was an out-of-town wedding, and my overactive planning brain led me to insomnia, and then not sleeping led to panic and, ultimately, tears. So there I was on the morning of my big day, swollen and red-eyed. My sister and I were staying in a bed-andbreakfast, so we scrambled for a solution. All I could find was a box of stress relief tea bags. “It’s perfect!”, I thought. I was feeling stressed and usually putting cold tea bags on my eyes had reduced swelling in the past. So I ran the bags under cold water and relaxed with them on my eyes for about 15-20 minutes. It felt wonderful. I could feel the stress melting away. When I took them off, I was dismayed to discover that what I had felt as stress melting away was my skin reacting to the herbs in the tea. My eye-swelling doubled in size, and the burning of the stress relief tea made two large circles of bright red around my eyes. Enter

more panic and tears! Luckily it all turned out fine, and no one was ever the wiser that I spent my morning with my face in a bucket of cold water. While I can’t help with all the inevitable wedding surprises, I can suggest some foods that will allow your inner glow to shine on the outside as well as let you relax so you can enjoy your big day. I can also recommend not trying anything new on your skin on a big event day — which seems painfully obvious to me in hindsight! Every bride wants to be gorgeous on her wedding day. This meal is the perfect lunch to have on the day of a big event as it is packed with omega-3s (for gorgeous hair and skin), bloatreducing fennel, and my favorite beauty food, greens, that makes your face sparkle with health. Nutritional yeast (packed with B vitamins) and walnuts make a lovely dairy-free, parmesan-like crust for this fish. It is also full of protein, which is crucial on a day that you may only have the chance to eat once.

Lisa Nogueira is a certified Integrative Nutrition Health Coach as well as a Licensed Massage Therapist who is dedicated to helping clients live their best lives through health and lifestyle coaching and a unique selection of bodywork modalities. She hosts group programs online and in person to help clients make their self-care a priority, clean up their eating and live healthier, happier lives. Her no-guilt approach to health is taking small steps for creating a lifestyle, leaving room for the sweeter things in life, and simplifying health and wellness into an approachable and fun adventure. For further inspiration follow her on Instagram @ https://www.instagram.com/lisa_nogueira/ Join her free Facebook community for support, recipes and small step ideas for change https://www.facebook.com/groups/lisanogueirawellness/?ref=bookmarks March 2018 | 25

Walnut “Parmesan” Crusted Salmon with Citrus Fennel Greens Total time: 30 minutes Serves: 2

INGREDIENTS:

The salmon:

2 portion-sized (⅓ – ½ lb.) wild caught salmon fillets 1 TBSP extra virgin olive oil

The crust:

1 cup walnuts

1 TBSP nutritional yeast ½ tsp. coarse sea salt or kosher salt

The salad:

1 TBSP extra virgin olive oil

1 fennel bulb, thinly sliced

Dressing:

1 avocado, sliced

Pinch of salt and ground black pepper

½ grapefruit, segmented

¼ tsp. raw honey

4 cups of greens

1 TBSP fresh fennel fronds, chopped

1 blood orange, segmented

Juice of 1 lemon

3 TBSP olive oil

Preheat oven to 350° F.

Add the crust ingredients to a small food processor and pulse until it reaches the size of breadcrumbs. Divide the crust between the two fillets and cover the top and sides of each fillet generously packing it tightly. Coat the bottom of a small baking dish with extra virgin olive oil. Add salmon fillets to baking dish and bake for 15-17 minutes.

Meanwhile, in a small bowl, juice one lemon. Add a pinch of salt and pepper. Whisk in 3 TBSP olive oil slowly, continuously whisking as you add. Add the honey as you continuously whisk the dressing. Prepare the fennel, citrus, and avocado. Cut the fennel bulb off of the stems. Remove the outer portion of fennel and the core, and slice the fennel into thin slices. Cut the avocado in half lengthwise, remove the pit and skin, and then slice in ¼ inch pieces. Peel the orange and grapefruit and segment the slices with a sharp knife.

Divide the greens between two large flat bowls or plates, 2 cups of greens in each. Dress each bowl of greens to taste with the dressing. Divide the sliced fennel, sliced avocado, and sliced citrus between the two bowls. Top with the warm salmon. Sprinkle with the chopped fennel fronds to garnish and serve. 26 | The Brick Magazine

Lastly is what I have dubbed the “Everybody Needs to

Calm Down!” Elixir. I wish I had this recipe on that night before my wedding! This elixir can be very useful leading up to the big day as well. I suggest making a huge batch for the family before you discuss budget, location, guest list or anything that may be controversial (which, when it comes to weddings, is just about everything!). In reality, we could all use this once in a while in our over-scheduled lives as a way to unwind from it all. Reishi is the powerhouse adaptagen in this drink. It has been found to help balance hormones and lower cortisol levels leading to less stress and better sleep. A hint of lavender makes its debut as the relaxing herb we all know it to be.

“Everybody Needs to Calm Down” Elixir

, we have the perfect beauty-balanced snack that you can toss in your clutch to keep you and your bridesmaids satiated and happy all day long. Cacao and goji berries are our beauty showstoppers here. Cacao has an incredibly high amount of antioxidants, has phytochemicals that help block the formation of wrinkles, and raises serotonin and endorphin levels, which help you to feel amazing. Goji berries — “the anti-aging fruit” — contain minerals, amino acids, Vitamin C, and carotenoids known to help maintain a healthy glow of the skin. Walnuts provide skin-strengthening omega-3s, and pumpkin seeds are one of the best plantbased sources of zinc, a mineral that promotes hair growth and clear, blemish-free skin.

Chocolate Protein Beauty Balls Time: 15 minutes (plus 15 minute soak time for dates) Makes: 15-18 balls INGREDIENTS:

3 TBSP raw cacao powder 8-10 small Medjool dates ¼ cup goji berries

2 TBSP raw cacao nibs

1 tsp. vanilla bean powder (or vanilla extract) ¼ cup walnuts

Time: 5 minutes Serves: 1 INGREDIENTS:

1 cup filtered water

½ cup-1 cup almond or coconut milk 1 tsp. Reishi mushroom powder

½ tsp. vanilla bean powder (or vanilla extract) ¼ tsp. cinnamon powder

1TBSP dried lavender flowers

Optional: 1 TBSP Tocos (Rice Bran Solubles). Tocos are a bio-available source of Vitamin E and wonderful for skin, making this a relaxing beauty elixir. It also makes this drink delightfully creamy and frothy. Optional: 1 TBSP Collagen Hydrolysate. Collagen has been found to effect hair, skin, and nails with continuous use, so this is another beauty addition. Add one cup of water and the dried lavender flowers to a small saucepan and bring to a soft simmer over low-medium heat. Simmer for about 5 minutes. Saving the water, strain the lavender flowers with a fine mesh sieve and add the lavender water back into the saucepan. You may have to remove any leftover lavender buds from the pan before adding in the water. Add your almond milk and heat on low until warm. Remove from heat. Add the milk/lavender water with all the other ingredients to a ventilated blender and blend for about 30 seconds until frothy and thoroughly blended. Pour into mug, garnish with a dash of cinnamon, and enjoy your Elixir.

2 TBSP pumpkin seeds 1 TBSP coconut butter

To make: Soak dates for at least 15 minutes in warm water. Remove pits from dates and add to a food processor along with the rest of the ingredients. Process until crumbly. If it feels a bit dry, you can add a touch of water to it or another date. Form into 1.5 inch balls by spooning a small amount into your hand and rolling into a ball. They will last about 10 days in the fridge or you can freeze them for several months. For a nut-free version: Use sunflower seeds in place of the walnuts. March 2018 | 27

FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN COMES MARRIAGE,

THEN COMES BABY… by Randi Rubenstein

eventeen years ago I turned to my husband and declared, “We are either hiring a marriage counselor or taking a parenting class.” My sweet husband of four years looked at me like I was crazy at the time. Now I think even 28 | The Brick Magazine

he would admit that it was one of the defining moments of our life together. To back up a sec: you see, our lives had been on autopilot, and I’m not really an autopilot sort of gal. We dated for two years, and then he

popped the big question. Typically, the next traditional step would have been engagement and then a joyous wedding a year later. But oh no. My rebellious self decided I had never really dreamt of a big

wedding, and it seemed like a lot of planning for one expensive night a year in the future. It was fairly easy to convince my guy to blow the big wedding part off. He was like, “Whatever. Sounds good.” The decision came after I stayed home from work one morning. By noon I had pretty much planned a tropical wedding. The hitch was that it would take place in three weeks in St. Thomas, Virgin Islands. Never a dull moment. My husband should’ve known then that life would always involve a curveball or two with yours truly. So, four years later in our living room, surrounded by our toddler boy and our crying newborn baby girl, it wasn’t a huge surprise to my husband when I suggested something slightly off his radar. He was starting to get used to my declarations that might throw him for an unexpected loop. In less than five years we had gone from a jet-setting couple heading to elope on the beach to one having conversations involving therapists and parenting class.

I think it can be easy to get wrapped up in the excitement of diamond rings, wedding dresses, registries, and parties. It’s a fun and memorable time for sure. AND I think it’s important for couples to remember what the wedding hoopla represents — an actual marriage and possibly building a family together. Unfortunately, once you get past the wedding fun, the next stages of building a life together often comes with a lot of stress, especially when it comes to the babies in the baby carriage part. First of all, babies and little kids introduce a certain level of torture to their parents in the form of severe sleep deprivation. Yes, there is a reason this tactic is used on prisoners of war. On top of all that, when you become parents, there is this weird moment when you realize that your husband had a totally different upbringing than yours. There are compromises to be made as you become your own unique little family. No small feat. This is what led to my declaration at 5:30 p.m. on a random day in 2001

about taking a parenting class or meeting with a marriage therapist. Just as I had wanted to fast-track the engagement to get to the marriage, I wanted to get to the merging into one family chapter sooner rather than later. Somewhere deep within, I knew time was of the essence to figure this out and to be on the same page as parents. I’m not sure that this is something you can prepare for during the early stages of love and marriage. I think this is one of those learning through experience things and you have to experience becoming parents together before the magnitude sinks in. Growing and raising people together is a big deal. There are highs and lows like you’ve never experienced. There are more tests than you could’ve imagined and your patience will wear oh so completely thin. I often tell people about that pivotal moment in our life together as a couple in the living room at 5:30 on a random day in 2001. I’m so grateful we decided to ask for help creating our family team. It’s a big deal to merge two separate childhoods into one. Weddings are beautiful and joyous and fun. Building a family together as equal partners is the true bliss.

Randi Rubenstein helps fed up parents learn tools to raise confident, kind, and self-motivated kids by closing the parent gap - the gap between the parent you want to be and the parent you currently are during the REAL triggered moments with your kiddos. But you never yell at your kids, right? As a parent coach and author, Randi helps parents keep cool and replace old patterns. You can find her at www.randirubenstein.com.

March 2018 | 29

photo by Artem Beliaikin

HAIR-FREE IS THE WAY TO BE by Lisa Profera MD

he cold winter weather has been brutal, but warmer temperatures and “fun in the sun” are not too far away. You may even be getting “save-the-date” notifications of weddings, reunions, or other special events coming up later this year. Whether it is a formal occasion or a casual gathering, you will want to look your best. Even though you may still be wearing layers now, the time for bare arms, armpits, and legs is right around the corner. So, what does that mean? Well, if you are like most women, you spend a lot of time shaving, plucking and waxing — ouch! I challenge you to consider permanent hair removal. Now is the time to take action, because it takes

30 | The Brick Magazine

months to accomplish this effectively. But once it is done, you will never have to shave again! How liberating is that? How much time and money do you spend on razors, waxing, and other products in a year? What about over your lifetime? You’d be surprised at how much it adds up! According to a British poll, the average woman spends about 72 days or almost 2,000 hours of her life removing unwanted hair. Not to mention the skin irritation, ingrown hairs and other inconveniences that go along with it. We all know that shaving and waxing are temporary. We repeat these processes over and over again

because the “root” of the problem has not been addressed. The root keeps growing back. What about the cost? According to data from “Shaving Statistics,” the average woman shaves 12 times per month and spends about $10,000 on shaving-related products in her lifetime. I don’t know about you, but my time and money are certainly better spent elsewhere. Wouldn’t it be better to be hair-free? Laser hair removal is the most effective means of permanently removing unwanted hair by obliterating the root of the hair with heat. It’s a process called

“selective thermolysis.” The laser can detect and target specific melanin chromophores while ignoring the water and the red spectrum chromophores, thus destroying the pigmented root of the hair follicle while leaving the surrounding skin and blood vessels unharmed. I would suggest going to a Medi Spa with state-of-the-art laser equipment. The procedure can be quick, easy and virtually pain-free. The number of sessions required for permanent hair removal is 6-8. Sometimes, additional touch-ups are needed. It is relatively quick, depending on the area being lasered. The average price for laser hair removal of 1 body area is $925. Prices vary greatly, however. A single treatment of the upper lip can be as low as $75, whereas lower legs might cost $250 per session. Many facilities offer packages as well. A full body package can cost up to $3,000. Think about it: spend up to $3,000 to be hair free for life vs. $10,000 on hair that keeps coming back. And how much are 72 days of your life worth? That certainly adds up in my book. I recently interviewed Linda Farraj, owner of Hair Free Center in Northville and experienced a professional laser hair removal session myself. They used the Lumenis Light Sheer Duet Laser, which is FDA-approved and considered the Gold Standard of laser hair removal in the industry. It is safe, fast, and highly effective with minimal discomfort and zero downtime. No topical anesthetic is needed when using this device as it has a special “chill tip” that momentarily numbs the skin. The large hand-held applicator applies a gentle suction which stretches the skin upon contact, allowing for treatments of hundreds of hairs at a time. The diode laser heats up the hair follicle and destroys it permanently. There are also adaptors to treat smaller areas such as above

the lip and between eyebrows. Any area of unwanted hair can be treated including arms, armpits, face, chest, abdomen, back, bikini area, legs, thighs, feet, and toes. That’s where the full body package can be most economical. My first experience was quick, and the discomfort was minimal. In general, legs are less sensitive than the face, and individual experiences can vary. The vast majority of people treated with the Light Sheer tolerate it very well. Older technology may be less effective and more uncomfortable, necessitating the use of topical anesthetic and gel. Excessive hair can be a cosmetic challenge for some ethnicities and people with certain underlying medical conditions. Permanent hair removal can be life-changing. How hairy you are has to do with genetics, hormones, and lifestyle. Stress, nutrition, obesity, other medical conditions, medications, and chemical exposures may all play a role. As you may be aware, hair growth occurs in a cycle. Ninety percent of our hair is in the active growth phase known as anagen. The other 10% of the cycle is spent in telogen (the rest phase), or catagen (the transitory phase) where hair growth stops and the hair is eventually shed. Laser treatment only works on hairs that are in the active growth phase, so this is why a number of sessions are necessary over a period of time. Ideal intervals between treatments range from 4-6 weeks. It also works better when the skin is not tan since the laser relies on the contrast between skin color and hair color. People with lighter skin and darker hair respond best. Recent waxing, plucking, or use of depilatory products such as

Nair® will interfere with successful treatment because the hair won’t be present in the follicle. Refrain from plucking and waxing two weeks before laser and from depilatory use six weeks before laser. Laser is less effective for people with blonde, gray, or white hair. People with dark skin may elect to do a patch test before having an extensive area treated. Consult a knowledgeable and experienced laser hair removal specialist for other options. There are some contraindications for laser hair removal and any good spa or salon should screen you for these by taking a good medical history. Under the right circumstances, laser hair removal is safe and effective. For some, it is even life-changing. So stop shaving, plucking and waxing, and recapture your precious time and money. Just think, what would you do with an extra 30 minutes a week or an entire day every year from now on? Be proactive and look fabulous for wedding season and everything else!

Lisa Profera MD Owner and Founder of PROJUVU MD Aesthetics and Lifestyle Medicine Please note that the information in this article has been designed to help educate the reader regarding the subject matter covered. This information is provided with the understanding that the author and any other entity referenced here are not liable for the misconception or misuse of the information provided. It is not provided to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, illness, or injured condition of the body. The provider of this information shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity concerning any loss, damage, or injury caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by this information. The information presented is in no way intended as a substitute for medical counseling or care. Anyone suffering from any disease, illness, or injury should consult a qualified healthcare professional. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA.

March 2018 | 31

HOW DO WE HEAL FROM

SEXUAL ASSUALT?

ince October, we’ve been both witnesses and participants in a historic set of events. Investigative journalism blew the lid off the open secret that the media world is rife with harassment. #metoo became an avalanche of voices speaking of the enormity of the issue of abuse everywhere. Moguls were toppled. All of this has initiated two important trends: awareness and accountability. From an awareness perspective, an enormous spotlight has been shone on the issue. The testimony of hundreds of gymnasts in particular made irrevocably clear that the problem lies not just on the perpetrator, but on the environments that made it possible for them to be systematically abused. The problem is cultural and systemic.

32 | The Brick Magazine

by Morella Devost, EdM, MA photo by John Reign Abarintos

We are also seeing accountability and justice like we’ve never seen before. A great number of people lost their jobs, either because they were perpetrators of harassment and assault, or because they did little to stem the problem. And, of course, Larry Nassar was sentenced to live the rest of his life in prison.

This is a question I believe every parent and every community should ask: How do we raise our boys better?

Collective awareness is important. Holding people accountable is necessary. However, truth and justice do not equate to healing; not for the victims and not for our society, which somehow seems to produce a plethora of abusive men.

I think only someone who has experienced being violated sexually can truly understand the depth of pain, anger, and even shame we feel as a result of what happened. Our culture doesn’t help matters, especially when victim-blaming has been the norm.

Changing our culture will take more than sending perpetrators to jail. As a society we must ask ourselves: How is it that we collectively raise so many boys to become jackasses (at best) and sexual predators (at worst)?

The impact of sexual abuse can be deep and far-reaching. As some of the gymnasts shared in both their testimonies and interviews, the trauma often impairs our ability to trust and to fully feel safe within our relationships.

But I’d like to focus on the women, girls, men, and gender-queer people who have already been the victims of sexual assault. I am one of them.

I applaud every single one of the women and girls who took the stand to speak their truth. I am sure many of them found the experience to be transformative, and to be an important step in their healing. Using the power of our voice helps us lift ourselves up from our shattered-ness and reclaim our power to make ourselves whole again. I know that speaking about my sexual assault experience was a huge step; and yet, speaking about it alone was not enough to fully heal. I’m sure that’s also the case for many other victims. For the gymnasts, and for any person reading this who may have experienced sexual assault, I want to share the steps that helped me heal. They are the same steps through which I now guide my clients on the journey to heal from trauma like this. Writing about what happened. I like to do a writing exercise where we capture what happened in just a few sentences. When it comes to systematic and multi-layered abuse (as many gymnasts experienced, because not only were they abused by Nassar, they were also abused by the system), it may take a few pages of writing about the different sets of events. Writing allows us to capture nuances that we might miss if we simply talk about events. I also find that we’re less likely to be overwhelmed by the feelings if we write.

Once the feelings are identified, we then look at what were the needs, values, and rights that were violated. Here, too, I use an inventory of needs and values to help us pinpoint why exactly it is we feel the way we feel. This allows us to move beyond overwhelming feelings into a deeper understanding of the essence of the violation. It gives us concrete language to articulate what we’re protecting and fighting for. When we do this, we start to feel clear and powerful. Reconnecting with our power to overcome our wounded-ness. Reclaiming our power to heal ourselves is the turning point where we start to feel capable of letting go of the pain. I complete this step by creating powerful declarations from the writing exercises above. We claim and declare our power to heal and to protect our rights, our values and our needs. Moving through the long-held feelings of pain, shame, anger, and beyond. Once we’re feeling strong, we can actually face the feelings and move through them. I use dynamic tools such as NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) among others. These tools help us move through the feelings so they progressively lose their charge and grip on us.

Acknowledging all of the feelings that resulted from what happened. I often use an inventory of feeling words, so as to be precise on each feeling, and avoid words that sound like feelings but are not true emotion; i.e. “feeling violated.”

We begin to get to the place where we can witness the events of the past and talk about them without feeling any of the pain. We’re no longer victimized by our story, and the thought of the person who abused us no longer has any charge.

Acknowledging our feelings with precision allows them to begin moving through us rather than fester. Identifying the core needs and values that were violated.

Taking the necessary steps to create closure for ourselves. This can take the form of writing a letter (which you may or may not send), burning your story or

something else that represents it, or even facing the person who did this to you. I often have my clients read their letters aloud to me. Saying what needs to be said can bring closure, but again, speaking without the healing work (as might have been the case for some of the gymnasts) is often not enough. Finalizing our healing through a forgiveness meditation. When we get to this point we are able to see that forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving our perpetrator. Instead we fully grasp that forgiveness is actually about freeing ourselves from feeling pain as a result of what they did. I repeat, forgiveness is about liberating ourselves. They don’t deserve our forgiveness, WE do! To no longer be consumed by pain, resentment, or shame, and instead embody a renewed sense of wholeness and peace is what every victim of abuse needs and deserves. Some of you out there may already be at this place of peace, but for those of you who are not, I hope this message reaches you. I see you. I feel you. I am you, and I know that healing from sexual abuse is possible. We can do this. Through our collective healing and through helping our boys become upstanding men, we will create a new culture where girls no longer need to say #metoo. Morella Devost facilitates profound transformation for people who want to thrive in every aspect of life. After receiving two Masters Degrees in Counseling from Columbia University, she also became a Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP facilitator, and Holistic Health Coach. Morella is a Venezuelan-Vermonter who works with people all over the world, from her beautiful office in Burlington, Vermont.

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