Sonnet XCII My love, if I die and you don’t--, My love, if you die and I don’t--, let’s not give grief an even greater field. No expanse is greater than where we live. Dust in the wheat, sand in the deserts, time, wandering water, the vague wind swept us like sailing seeds. We might not have found one another in time. This meadow where we find ourselves, O little infinity! we give it back. But Love, this love has not ended: just as it never had a birth, it has no death: it is like a long river, only changing lands, and changing lips. -Pablo Neruda
by Ed Trayes Class Productions Self Published Philadelphia, Pa. Between You and Me First edition, 2015 Photographs Š 2015 The typefaces in this book are Minion Pro and Bebas Neue. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any manner in any media, or transmitted by any means whatsoever, electronic, mechanical (including photocopying, film, video, recording, internet posting, or any other information storage and retrieval system), without the prior written permission of the publisher.
This book is dedicated to all the lovers and lovers lost.
Chapters Introduction .....................................................................................11 What is Love ....................................................................................12 What is the Most Important Quality in a Partner .......................50 How Do You Make a Relationship Last ........................................94 What is Your Best Breakup Remedy ...........................................142
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Introduction Relationships are a complicated
thing.
They have many facets that are often unable to be explained and too complicated for some to understand, but this does not stop us from friending, loving, and, on occasion, leaving.
For this book we wanted to find out how people handle relationships. Following the stages of a romantic relationship we asked four questions that may hold the key to finding happiness. We asked: What is love? What is the most important quality in a partner? How do you make a relationship last? What is your best breakup remedy? In the following pages we hope to shed a small light on some almost
universal truths about relationships. Within the indefinable aspects of the connections that mean the most to us lie truths about ourselves as well as others. Between You
and Me it’s all about relationships, how we cope and ways to continue to connect in meaningful ways.
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What Is Love by Michele Zipkin
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million things have been said about love, both uplifting and cynical.
Shakespeare said, “The course of true love never did run smooth.” Gandhi said, “Where there is love there is life.” Plato said, “Love is a serious mental disease.” We all have different ideas of what love is. Some think it is the deepest of human emotions, others think it’s a constructed product of the innate human tendency to congregate. While we can all talk about love, many people struggle to express just what they think love really means. At its core, love is an abstraction, a philosophical idea. It manifests in many different ways--as a platonic friendship, a mother’s love for a child, or a passionate romance. Many people shy away from love, reluctant to open themselves up to another person. Author Neil Gaiman wrote, “Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart
and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.” Gaiman interprets love as exposing yourself knowing that the other person can shatter your soul to pieces. Lovers put a lot at stake, but is that a bad thing? Many people seek love--they use dating sites, sit at bars and engage in activities in hopes of finding someone with whom they can form a bond. We strive for connection, for passion. My partner Vanessa, 30, said,
“I always wondered how people knew they were in love. It seemed so bizarre and arbitrary.” But our relationship
made her realize exactly what it means to be in love. Maybe you can never know what love is until you find that one person who wants to stick around through the truly joyful and equally painful times. Love may be one of the most important things because many of the people I interviewed had to put some serious thought into what it means to them. Here are handwritten thoughts about what love means to them.
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What is the Most important Quality in a Partner By Sarah Fry
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nowing what one wants in a partner takes careful thought. It can be especially hard to sum up in a few words or a sentence. Asking others what they wanted in a partner took time for some to answer, while others were quick to respond. At a time when misinformation can spread like wildfire, it is not surprising that honesty and trust were the most important qualities for most of the people I interviewed. While honesty and trust were the most frequently cited quality people wanted in their relationships, other respondents took a little more time to think it through. Tyler Jack Grainer, a 23 resident of Doylestown, sat on the sidewalk and considered his options carefully. When it comes down to it, in addition to trust, he also noted that his ideal partner should create positive changes in himself. Bob Reinhardt and his wife Patti both wrote the same thing without knowing it, for them it’s all about friendship. One of the best conversations I had was with Danna Blackway. She is 36 and has been with her partner for 17 years, since she was 19. The most important thing for her is to stick with the relationship through
the bad times. Around years six and seven into the relationships is when things get hard, she said. At certain points of her marriage they wanted to embrace their own individuality again. While some people seek unhealthy solutions to the natural desire to have ones own sense of self, she made a point to find productive things she could do on her own. She told me some days are going to be really good and some years are going to be good. Then you may have a bad year or two and then a good year, then a bad year again and maybe another good year. If you stick it out through the natural ebbs and flows of a relationship it’s worth it in the end, she said with a smile. Understanding what is important to people is different than what we might see on TV or read in a magazine. While it doesn’t necessarily hurt to be incredibly rich and have the body of a supermodel, neither quality is the most important thing for most people when it comes to who they want to share their own lives with. Instead we want people we can count on, who will stick with us through the good times and the bad and people who are at their core, simply good people.
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How do you make a relationship Last by Liora engel-smith
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e put a man on the moon, eradicated smallpox, and invented modern sanitation, but still, the tenants of good relationships elude most of us. More than half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. This despite the enormous body of knowledge we’ve amassed about relationships: a quick Amazon search reveals that there are at least 16,242 relationship books currently in print, books like “The 5 Love Languages” and “The Rules of Love.” Some books try to convince us that men and women live on different planets, so to speak, and others draw on the Bible for guidance. We could even go to one of the 30,150 registered marriage counselors or the thousands of relationship support groups in the United States. And if books and therapists aren’t enough, the Internet brims with thousands of blogs, articles, and discussion boards all dedicated to one question: how do we make relationships work? When I approached people on the street with this question, many expressed anxiety. “I’m not good at relationships,” said a man in a fedora, explaining that he’s twice divorced.
“You caught me at a bad time, I just broke up with my boyfriend,” said a young woman in aviator glasses. “I don’t know anything about relationships, sorry,” said a woman in a gray t-shirt. The most common refrain was that communication is the key, and perhaps there is truth in triteness. Many relationship books focus on teaching us to better communicate with each other. “Never go to bed angry,” these books will proclaim, or use “I” statements, they add. But if the answer is so simple, why do we struggle? I talked with married people, widows, single people, boyfriends and girlfriends. One woman told me about her heroin habit and how her husband saved her from certain death. Another told me that her ex-husband cheated on her, and how she found love post-divorce. Men too, talked about commitment, honesty, and fidelity, though they were more hesitant to answer as a whole. One man looked at me anxiously and asked “What do you want me to write?” “Anything you want,” I answered.
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Brianna Wilkerson, 18, from West Philadelphia 97
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Chrell Perry and her boyfriend, North Philadelphia 99
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Clyde Hawthorn II, 59, from Olney, Philadelphia 101
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Dan Endo, 21, from North Jersey 103
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Elizabeth Tartaglia, 20, from Northeast Philadelphia 105
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Felice Schwartz, 36, from Germantown, Philadelphia 107
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Gwen Redmond, 59, from Mount Airy, Philadelphia 109
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Henry Haze, 29, from Northeast Philadelphia 111
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Jamilia Mannherz, 24, from Chalfont 113
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Joan Perrine-Ruth, 67, from North Wales 115
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Katora Bush, 49, from Southwest Philadelphia 117
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Kunsni E., 40, from South Philadelphia 119
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Madison Mitchell, 20, from Northeast Philadelphia 121
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Meghan H., 30, from Mount Airy, Philadelphia 123
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Megan O’Connell, 30, from Port Richmond 125
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Millard Goldsmith, 74, from West Philadelphia 127
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Namia Muhammed, 24, from West Philadelphia 129
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Porsha Phillips, 23, from South Philadelphia 131
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Rebecca Fabiano, 43, from Kensington 133
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Samantha Taylor, 35, from West Philadelphia 135
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Tara Lundborn, 44, from Penns Grove, New Jersey 137
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Tom Ivory, 50 from Elkins Park 139
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William Kerr, 75, from Williamstown, New Jersey 141
What is Your Best Breakup Remedy By Jessica Johnson
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eal love does not have an end, relationships often do. Regardless of whether one initiated the breakup, was broken up with, or it was mutual, accepting the end of a relationship can be tough.
find themselves. Others have a more direct approach by just finding a new love interest. Some eat away their sorrows and others would rather go out with friends to get the relationship off their minds.
According to the Durex Global Sex Survey, 36 percent of adults admit to breaking up with someone due to looks. Additionally, 56 percent of adults admit to being bored with their sex lives. According to the survey, other top reasons for breaking up are distance, cheating, losing interest and the disapproval of friends or parents.
While I was out asking people this question, I got a few interesting reactions, the most interesting perhaps was that some people didn’t know how they coped with the loss of love. I got a few “hmm, let me think about it” responces and I also got “I’m sorry I can’t help, I just don’t know.” Surprisingly, there were even a few people who had never experienced a break up.
So, how do you move on? Coping with the loss of a relationship varies by person. Some say one should be single for the same amount of time spent in the relationship so they can
Musician Neil Sadaka said it best with his hit song “breaking up is hard to do,” but with the right remedy it can be a little easier on the heart and the mind.
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Between
you and me