HOLL AND LANE A S A N C T UA RY F O R SO UL - F IL L ED STO R IES
2017 C olle c tion, Volume 1 Issue 11 VOLUME I | 1
TEAM SARAH HARTLEY Creator / Editor in Chief sarahhartley.net editor@hollandlanemag.com
MIA SUTTON Editorial Manager thefigmentwriters.com stories@hollandlanemag.com
JESS DOWNEY Media Manager chaoticcollected.com
CONTACT For press and advertising inquiries, contact assistant@hollandlanemag.com For contributions, contact stories@hollandlanemag.com For stockists, contact assistant@hollandlanemag.com
ABOUT We’re starting a movement towards more honest media, giving your voice and stories a platform to share your honest lives.
SOCIAL MADISEN QUICK Editor's Assistant instagram.com/madisen.quick assistant@hollandlanemag.com
L instagram.com/hollandlanemag I facebook.com/hollandlanemag M pinterest.com/hollandlanemag The opinions expressed within each article do not necessarily represent those of the Holl & Lane team.
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HOLL AND LANE
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Cover Photo by GENESIS GEIGER: genesisgeiger.com 4 | 2017 COLLECTION
INSIDE HOLL & LANE, ISSUE 11 10 NEW YEAR, NEW ME? 12 COOKING FOR A HEALTHFUL FOOD YEAR 26 REDESIGN YOUR RELATIONSHIP 28 TIL DEATH DO WE PART 34 FINDING PEACE IN BROKEN PIECES 38 RE-LEARNING TO LOVE 41 THE ROOT 42 THE STRUGGLE TO LIVE 46 BEGIN AGAIN 50 A NEW ME 55 MY BEGINNING 60 WILDEWOMAN 64 CREATION IN ONE’S SELF 68 THE BEST IS YET TO COME 72 NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS 78 LIFE’S BEGINNING 90 BABY AFTER 40 94 POSTCARDS FROM PHILADELPHIA
IN EVERY ISSUE 6 7 8 102 104 105
EDITOR'S NOTE THE H&L GIRL THE LIST REGULAR CONTRIBUTORS ISSUE CONTRIBUTORS 5 QUESTIONS WITH...
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EVER WONDER ABOUT THE NAME “HOLL & LANE”? The name is a play on the cross streets of my first home. We consider the home to be the place that you have unguarded conversations, the types that we feature within these pages. Think of Holl & Lane as one big slumber party with your closest friends.
EDITOR’S LETTER WE EXPERIENCE NEW BEGINNINGS every single day - the dawn of a new day always has a hint of promise behind it. But the start of a new year? It feels as if all things are possible. We plan and we plan for the new year - we're going to eat healthy, we're going to take more time for ourselves, we're going to start that project we keep putting off. 2017 is no exception, especially at Holl & Lane. We have so many plans and what better time than the light of a new year? The 2017 Collection of Holl & Lane is the beginning of a journey that feels as if it is ever changing. This year will bring even more stories than we’ve featured in the past, it’ll bring new ideas and new experiences, and it’ll bring the promise of a business that is all about helping others share their voice. We’re so glad that you’re here and joining us in this movement. Together we can do great things.
Sarah Hartley Editor in Chief
Corrections: In our November issue, we incorrectly spelled Melissa Rampsad's last name in her Icelandic Journey article. We apologize for the mistake.
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COMING TOGETHER IS A BEGINNING; KEEPING TOGETHER IS PROGRESS; WORKING TOGETHER IS SUCCESS. - HENRY FORD
THE HOLL & LANE GIRL
JA N E L L E B E N DYC K I The H&L Girl Is: Creative, smart and capable, she is strong and uses her passions to help others. She enjoys being a part of something bigger than herself. She is innovative and professional but knows how to have a good time. The H&L Girl is modern, genuine and brave.
Growing up in a small town near Cleveland, Janelle Bendycki received an early introduction to entrepreneurship, as her parents owned their own business for as long as she could remember. She helped out by acting as a receptionist - answering phones and learning to take proper messages. Her mom has always been a crafty, creative woman and taught Janelle that there's beauty in being able to create what you need. In the tenth grade, Janelle became interested in photography and took every class that her school offered. Drawn in by the mystery of the darkroom and seeing her photos on film, she fell in love with the magic of creating images. Over the years, Janelle's photography career didn't follow a linear path. After she graduated from school in Pittsburgh, she worked for photography studios both big and small, dabbled in freelance work and side projects, and then ultimately decided to go into business for herself and started her own self-named photography company. Success, In Her Words: Success means stretching your limits, walking into the fear of an unknown project and pushing through to come out on the other side in order to become a better artist/entrepreneur/person then be brave enough to want to do it all again when it’s over.
INTERVIEW AND WORDS BY MIA SUTTON // IMAGES BY JANELLE BENDYCKI
In her work, Janelle's main goal is to empower people through her images. Over the past few years, she has worked with Aerie, a brand that no longer retouches images of their models. She's proud of the work she's doing with them as it aligns with her vision on a more personal level as well. Growing up, Janelle suffered from acne and remembers wishing for the perfect, blemish-free skin of the models in the publications she used to read. Now she plays a big part in empowering young women to see that flaws are normal and beautiful - zits, wrinkles, and all - and to leave behind the perpetuation of the unattainable.
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THE LIST : THE BEGINNING On Our Bookshelf
On Our Playlist
WORDS BY AMY COOK
WORDS BY CHELSEA OLIVER
THE AWAKENING by Kate Chopin Despite being set in the year 1899, The Awakening addresses many issues women still face today. Edna Pontellier fits nicely into society’s box of wife and mother but she is desperate to reclaim herself and her place in the world. She goes on to discover passion outside of her husband and a purpose beyond her children to find that there is more to life than being chained to the roles demanded from us by culture and tradition. THE ICE CREAM QUEEN OF ORCHARD STREET by Susan Jane Gilman Malka Treynovsky is just a child when she and her family are forced by poverty and circumstance to flee Russia in search of paradise in the shape of New York. She is taken in by the man whose horse left her crippled and is privy to Dinello Ices’ secrets. With a simple twist of fate she would go on to become the woman President Eisenhower nicknamed, The Ice Cream Queen of America. But will a scandal erase all that Malka has accomplished? THE SUMMER BEFORE THE WAR by Helen Simonson While escaping the tragedy that has left her broke, her father’s death, it makes sense that Beatrice Nash would seek solace in a new town to pursue her two loves: writing and teaching. Beatrice spends a peaceful and enjoyable summer in East Essex, but the summer is ending and there is an impending war on the horizon. Will the war erase the memories of that perfect summer or keep Beatrice fighting for the new life she has created?
THE NEW YEAR Death Cab for Cutie FIRST DAY OF MY LIFE Bright Eyes A BEGINNING SONG The Decemberists BEGIN AGAIN Purity Ring HIGH HOPES Kodaline WHERE DO I BEGIN Owen THE BEGINNING One Ok Rock BEGIN AGAIN Taylor Swift CRAGS AND CLAY Gungor STARTING NOW Ingrid Michaelson
On Our Screen
WORDS BY ERICA MUSYT
BEGIN AGAIN Gretta moves to New York City with her boyfriend, Dave, who just landed a major deal with a record label. When Dave gives into fame’s temptations Gretta suddenly finds herself on her own in a strange new city. Things turn around for her when she forms a life-changing bond with a down-and-out record executive and together they bring Gretta’s songs to life.
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UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN After Frances discovers that her husband is having an affair with a writer to whom she gave a bad review, her life is turned upside down. At the encouragement of her best friend, Patti, Frances takes a trip to Tuscany. While there, Frances feels a touch of fate and decides to buy a villa in the countryside. With the help of some colorful characters, including a handsome Italian fellow named Marcello, Frances is inspired to write again and begin a new life.
THE VOW After surviving a horrific car accident, Paige is left in a coma. When Paige wakes, she has severe memory loss and does not remember her husband, Leo. Feeling as though she is starting over again, Paige works to remember her marriage, understand the confusing relationship with her parents, and sort out feelings she is still harboring for her ex-fiance. Leo is determined to show Paige how strong their life is together and that their love can stand the test of time.
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New Year, New Me? WORDS BY SKYLAR BLACKWELL
LIKE MANY PEOPLE, year after year I have made the same empty New Year’s Resolution to myself - to get healthy. I would stick to my “diet” and hit the gym hard for a few weeks only to slip back into my old unhealthy habits. I have been struggling with my weight since I was a child. I was the chubby kid for as long as I can remember. When I got into high school I continued to eat junk food and my weight continued to rise. While I was in high school, my dad got sick and eventually passed away from cancer. Food was my comfort and my happiness. Ice cream and sugar, my drugs of choice. When I went to college I gained more than my freshman 15 by drinking to excess and ordering pizza at all hours of the night. I felt like I was just destined to be overweight. Destined to shop in the plus size clothing stores. Destined to be fat and tired. I was depressed because of my weight and the lack of energy I had. It was a vicious cycle that lasted until now. I am 37 years old and I am finally starting to take control of my health and fitness. My weight had started to affect my health over the last few years. I had to start taking blood pressure medication due to my obesity (although I am pretty Type A, so I know that doesn’t help!). While monitoring my blood pressure with my primary care physician I saw the words morbidly obese on my chart. I went home and cried and told my husband it was time to get this under control. I wanted to make a change, but I wasn’t really sure where to start. You would think that would be the kick in the ass that I needed, however it wasn’t. I was so overwhelmed by the huge amount of weight I needed to lose I froze and still did nothing. My husband and I also really want to start a family. We have been struggling with fertility issues and I know getting to a healthy weight is imperative to my overall health, but can be helpful with my reproductive health as well. I am not sure what made things “click” this time. I just know this feels much more like a lifelong lifestyle shift than a diet. In May one of my friends asked me to join her on the Instagram #Workitout100 challenge working out for 100 days in a row. At the time it seemed like a very lofty goal. The thing I love about this challenge is they don’t mandate what kind of exercise you do; the goal is just to move your body! On your active rest days you can take a walk, or stretch, just as long as you do something. I did not work out regularly prior to this. I loved my couch and Netflix much more than I loved working up a sweat. Upon completion I had lost over twenty pounds. More important was what I gained: I had more energy, I was sleeping better, I was less stressed, I was making healthier food choices, and overall I felt like a whole new, happier person. Determined to keep the momentum going and not slip back into my old habits I have decided to continue and do the WorkItOut365 challenge. It may seem silly, annoying, or oversharing to post your workouts on social media, but it helps hold me accountable. I also enjoy the positive feedback from my amazing group of friends and the new community I have “met” online.
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Here are a few tips I have that have worked for me: DO NOT FOCUS ON THE LARGE GOAL. Break it down into small manageable mini goals. Celebrate those small successes. In the past I would celebrate with food. I have switched that habit with new workout clothes or a massage as a reward. MEAL PREP IS A MUST! It can be annoying to have to set out a few hours on your day off to plan meals, grocery shop and prepare your food for the week, but this has been my biggest key to success. I know if I fail to plan, things can go off the rails very quickly! I love having healthy meals and snacks at my fingertips. VARIETY IS KEY FOR ME. I don’t like doing the same workout all the time, nor do I like eating the same foods all the time. I have stepped out of my comfort zone over the past few months by going to barre classes, trampoline class, Zumba workouts, etc. I would have never thought months ago I would love hiking as much as I now do. I love being outside, the sunshine and fresh air have done just as much for my mental well-being as my physical. HAVE A GOOD SUPPORT SYSTEM. Like anyone else I have days where I don’t eat 100% clean, or where I cannot motivate myself to get off the couch. I have an amazing husband and group of friends who have been my accountability partners. They have checked in with me, cheered me on and kicked me in the ass when I needed it. Encouragement on this journey means more than you will know. I am just like so many other people who struggle with their health and wellness, there is nothing special about the trials I have encountered. This battle is truly one choice at a time, one day at a time. I have a vision of what I want my life to look like and in order for me to achieve that I need to put in the work every day! “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!” – John Anster VOLUME I | 11
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COOKING
for a HEALTHFUL food year WORDS & IMAGES BY LIZ LaBROCCA
LAST NEW YEAR, I decided I no longer wanted to stress about food. I didn’t want to count calories, I didn’t want to keep a food journal; I simply wanted to enjoy my meals in a more health-conscious way. For me, this meant eating a lot more fruits and vegetables, being mindful of how much I was eating, and making a cooking plan that worked for my schedule. I cook with a lot of vegetables. I eat small servings of meat with a couple of different vegetables or a small bowl of pasta with a hearty side salad. Instead of grabbing candy or chips for snacks, I keep a variety of fruits for my sweet tooth and hummus or salsa for a salty nosh. For breakfast, I prepare batches of breakfast burritos or steel cut oats mixed with fresh fruit that I can heat up in the office. Minding how much I eat isn’t solely about how much food I eat at one time, but also about how much of each ingredient ends up in a meal. When I would freely pour olive oil into a pan, I never knew exactly how much was poured. It was probably more than I thought. Now, I measure how much butter or olive oil goes into a dish, even if I’m not following a recipe, to keep a better handle on how much fat I’m eating. I cook a few nights a week, on evenings that fit well into my schedule. The trick is not to cook something new every night, but to cook a large, thoughtful meal when the time is available and to plan the use of leftovers. The schedule helps me avoid getting bored eating the same thing day after day (so I’m less likely to get take out!). The recipes that follow keep these tenets in mind. They’re full of vegetables, mindful of how much of each ingredient is used, and provide plenty of leftovers to make the week easier. They’re delicious, filling, and bound to leave you satisfied.
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BANANA PANCAKES These pancakes are great for an easy, but impressive Sunday brunch, whether you’re snuggled up in your pajamas or hosting the family. The best part is, they make great leftovers. Just stick them in the toaster oven the next day. Smear some Nutella down the center and fold them over for a great grab-and-go breakfast. Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 45 minutes Serving: ~ 12 pancakes Ingredients: • 3 Tbsp. butter • 2 very ripe bananas, mashed • 1 ½ cups flour (can substitute half whole wheat flour) • 1 Tbsp. white sugar • 2 ½ tsp. Baking powder • ¼ tsp. Salt • 2 large eggs, beaten • 1 cup whole milk • 1 tsp. Vanilla extract Instructions: 1. Preheat oven to 200F or use your oven’s “warm” setting. 2. Melt butter and set aside to cool. If the butter is too hot when mixed with the liquid ingredients it could cook the eggs. 3. In a small bowl, mix the dry ingredients well with a fork. 4. In a large bowl, combine the milk, eggs, and vanilla. Stir in the mashed bananas until combined. Slowly drizzle the melted butter in as you stir with a spatula. 5. Stir in the dry ingredients with a spatula until combined. The batter will be lumpy, don’t over stir. 6. Heat a large, nonstick skillet over medium heat. If your oven runs hot, opt for medium low, especially if you’re using butter as this will help prevent the pancakes from burning. 7. Melt in a small pat of butter or spray once with cooking spray to coat the pan. Drop in two ¼ cups of pancakes to make two pancakes in the pan (or use ½ cup for large pancakes). 8. Let cook for 3-4 minutes (a few minutes longer for larger pancakes), a few small bubbles will be forming in the batter and the edges will be firm. Flip the pancakes -- the center should still be loose, but not so loose as to spill a lot of batter as you’re flipping. Cook another 2-3 minutes (3-4 for larger pancakes) on the second side. If pancakes are too dark, lower your heat. 9. Remove pancakes from pan and place on a plate in the warm oven. Add another small pat of butter and repeat above steps until all of the batter is used. 10. Serve warm with maple syrup, nutella, peanut butter, or fresh fruit. 11. To reheat, pop a pancake in the toaster or the toaster oven and toast on a medium setting until warmed through.
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BLACK RICE SALAD WITH GROUND TURKEY AND KABOCHA SQUASH Once you learn the bones of this salad, you’ll be able to change up the ingredients to fit what you have in the fridge. It’s a great potluck dish and can easily be made vegetarian. For some extra zip, stir in ½ cup of feta cheese or ricotta salata. Prep TIme: 15 minutes Cook Time: 1 ½ hours (not all active) Servings: 8-10 Ingredients: • 1 cup black rice • 1 cup wild rice • 2 ½ cups water • ¼ cup + 1 Tbsp. olive oil • 1 cup carrots, peels and chopped into ¼” cubes (about 2 carrots) • ½ medium yellow onion, diced • 1 small fennel bulb, diced (about ¼ cup)
• • • • • • •
2 Tbsp. smoked paprika Pinch salt 1-¼ lb ground turkey 4 cups roasted kabocha squash, cubed (can also use butternut squash or acorn squash) 1 Tbsp. garam masala 1 Tbsp. Kosher salt ½ cup rice wine vinegar
Note: While the squash is roasting, cook the rice and the turkey mixture. Rice Instructions: 1. Mix rice and water in a medium saucepan and bring to a boil. 2. Lower heat and simmer, covered, for 20 minutes or until all of the water has absorbed. 3. Remove from heat and hold rice in a large mixing bowl. Kabocha Squash Instructions: 1. Preheat oven to 400F. 2. Cut the squash into eighths. 3. Drizzle ¼ cup of olive oil over squash and use a pastry brush to coat the squash. 4. Mix the garam masala and the Kosher salt and sprinkle evenly over the surface of the squash. 5. Bake the squash until it’s fork tender, between 45-60 minutes. 6. Set aside to cool, then cube and measure out 4 cups for salad. Save any leftover squash in an airtight container in the fridge. Turkey Instructions: 1. In a wide, heavy bottomed pan, heat the olive oil over medium heat until it begins to shimmer. 2. Add carrots, onions, and fennel and cook until softened, about 5 minutes. 3. Sprinkle paprika and salt over vegetables, stir, and cook another couple of minutes. 4. Add the ground turkey, cook, stirring occasionally until the turkey is cooked through, about 8-10 minutes. 5. Set aside to cool slightly. Salad Instructions: 1. Add the squash, turkey mixture, and rice wine vinegar to the large bowl the rice is in and mix thoroughly with a large rubber spatula.
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OVEN ROASTED CHICKEN WITH BALSAMIC VINEGAR REDUCTION This chicken is a great staple dish. It’s easy to make, you can walk away from it for a little while, and you can use the chicken in a thousand different ways over the course of the week. I like to use leftovers in big salads or whip up a chicken salad for lunch sandwiches. The reduced balsamic is also great over grilled vegetables. Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 30 minutes Serves: 8 Ingredients: • 4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts • 2 Tbsp. garlic powder • 2 Tbsp. onion powder • 1 Tbsp. Kosher salt • 2 tsp dried thyme • 3 Tbsp. olive oil • 2 cups balsamic vinegar Instructions: 1. Preheat oven to 400F. 2. Mix spices together in a small bowl. 3. Brush 1 tablespoon of olive oil across the bottom of a small baking dish. 4. Pat chicken dry. Place in the baking dish and drizzle with remaining 2 tablespoons of olive oil. Use a pastry brush to coat the chicken with the olive oil. 5. Sprinkle the spice mixture evenly over the chicken. 6. Bake 20-30 minutes until the chicken is opaque in the center. The internal temperature should be 165F. 7. While the chicken is cooking, make the vinegar reduction. 8. Bring the balsamic to a boil. Make sure to have your oven vent on and a window open, the fumes from the boiling vinegar can get intense. 9. Continue boiling until reduced to about ½ cup, about 15-18 minutes. 10. Serve chicken drizzled with balsamic vinegar and pan-cooked broccoli.
PAN-COOKED BROCCOLI WITH GARLIC AND RED PEPPER FLAKES This is another great base recipe to learn. Cooking broccoli in this way leaves it a little crispy, but cooked all the way through. Finish it with soy sauce and mirin for some takeout Chinese inspired flavor. Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 20 minutes Servings: 4 Ingredients: • 1 large head of broccoli or 2 small heads, cut into medium sized pieces, stems shortened • 2 Tbsp. olive oil • 4 cloves garlic, thinly sliced • ½ tsp red pepper flakes • 1 tsp salt Instructions: 1. Heat oil, garlic, and red pepper flakes together in a large skillet over medium-high heat until the garlic begins to sizzle and turn golden. 2. Add the broccoli, stir and cook for 1-2 minutes until the broccoli is well-coated in the garlic and oil mixture. 3. Add water and bring to a boil. 4. Cook uncovered for 10 minutes. 5. Sprinkle with salt and remove from pan with tongs, leaving the liquid behind.
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ROASTED CHIOGGIA BEET HUMMUS Hummus is joined with the earthy-sweet flavor of beets. Chioggia beets are light red on the outside with pink and white stripes on the inside. They’re a little milder in flavor than red beets and they don’t stain as much. Sub in regular beets in this recipe for bright pink hummus. Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 40 minutes Servings: 6 Ingredients: • 1 medium Chioggia beet, cubed • 1 Tbsp. olive oil • 1 Tbsp. honey • ¼ tsp cayenne pepper • ½ tsp salt • 1 15.5 ounce can unsalted chickpeas • 1 Tbsp. Tahini • ½ cup extra virgin oil • ¼ tsp salt • ¼ tsp cayenne Instructions: 1. Preheat oven to 400F. 2. Mix beets in a small oven-safe casserole dish with olive oil, ¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper, ½ tsp salt, and honey. 3. Bake for 35-40 minutes, or until beets are fork-tender. 4. Remove from oven and set aside to cool. 5. In a large food processor, add the chickpeas, beets, tahini, ½ cup extra virgin olive oil, and the remaining salt and cayenne. 6. Process for 2-3 minutes, scrape down the sides with a rubber spatula, then process another 2 minutes until smooth. 7. Serve dusted with paprika with raw vegetables or pita chips.
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POTATO SOUP WITH BACON AND BLEU CHEESE This soup has no cream or cheese in it, so the potatoes really speak for themselves and, as a result, is much lighter than other potatoes. Substitute the bleu cheese for some creme fraiche or shredded cheddar if you’re not into the funky stuff. Prep Time: 15 minutes Cook Time: 30 minutes Servings: 6-10 servings depending on appetizer or main course serving size Ingredients: • 2 ½ lbs Yukon gold potatoes, peeled and roughly chopped • 2 carrots, peeled and chopped • 1 medium yellow onion • 2 cloves garlic, peeled and crushed • Optional: 1 chili pepper, deseeded • 2 Tbsp. butter • 6 strips bacon • Bleu cheese crumbles, for serving • Hot sauce Instructions: 1. In a medium soup pot, cover potatoes in cold water. Bring to a boil and cook for about 15 minutes, until the potatoes are fork tender. 2. While the water is boiling, fry the bacon in a large nonstick skillet until crispy. Remove from heat to a paper towel-lined plate. When fully cool, crumble and set aside. 3. Drain all the grease from the bacon pan. 4. With the coating that remains, saute the carrots, onion, garlic, and chili pepper with a pinch of salt. Cook until soft, about 5-7 minutes. 5. Add the carrot mixture to the soup when the potatoes are just fork tender. Boil another 5 minutes. 6. Remove soup from heat and immersion blend until smooth. 7. Stir in butter and salt and pepper to taste. 8. Serve topped with bacon crumbles, bleu cheese, and hot sauce.
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“KNOWING WHAT MUST BE DONE DOES AWAY WITH FEAR.” - Rosa Parks
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REDESIGN YOUR
RELATIONSHIP You know it’s coming after the eye-locking glance. It starts with an innocent, or not so innocent, encounter until it bubbles over with that lighter-than-air feeling in your chest. First date, first text, first flirtatious conversation; there’s no escaping that you’ve found your new love addiction. But, after the bubbles fizzle away and the floating hearts in your chest pop you back down to Earth, there better be a solid ground laid, cemented, and carpeted for your relationship to land on. Lasting partnerships and marriages aren’t built on flimsy, tingly feelings. The structure stays sturdy from a trustworthy foundation, secure framework, and a durable roof. Whether you are turning the key to your first home with your partner or to a new home with your husband or wife, remember that you aren’t merely designing a place to sleep at night, you’re building your lives.
WORDS BY MALLORY JORDAN
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PLAN THE DESIGN. Map out how you want to design and arrange your home with your partner. Color, theme, and balance all need to be taken into account. Decisions are best made together. But be prepared to change and rearrange everything, maybe even twice. Even the best laid plans might not look as good in the execution as they did on paper. Communicate and go with the new flow together.
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TURN THE LIGHTS ON. A home needs proper lighting to set the ambiance or mood in each room. Whether you arrive home first or second, you should always either leave the light on for your partner or turn on the lights when you walk in. Shine your Edison bulbs or chandelier lighting when you enter the doorway instead of taking out the dark stress of the day on your partner. Come home bright and loving.
ORGANIZE THE DRAWERS. You might have procrastinated this task, but those moving boxes full of kitchen supplies aren’t going to organize themselves. Sorting through piles of possessions, some valuable and some junk, is no one’s favorite part. But it must be done and done right, or you’ll only have to go back and sort through the whole mess again. Listen to each other’s emotions so the same mistakes aren’t made again.
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PLACE THE FURNITURE. It’s easiest to begin moving the larger pieces of furniture. Ensure those pieces fit in the space, and then work the rest of the design around the couches, beds, and tables. Keep in mind, the devil is in the details. Don’t get stuck on petty, little things and forget the bigger picture.
HANG THE ARTWORK. Don’t simply decorate your home like any generic furniture store display model. Use individual pieces representing each of you to adorn the shelves and walls. Nest together to make your new home all the more you. Styles and tastes may change, so always be open to remodel or redecorate the space. Grow and change hand in hand.
PLANT THE GREENERY. Luscious green adds to the homey feel of a room. A home needs a little life in it between the stoic knick-knacks and appliances. Fake plants work, for those lacking a green thumb, and can add bright, unnatural colors. Plants bring life to the mundane corners of the room. Don’t forget to live and adventure outside of routine.
PLUG IN THE ELECTRONICS. Setting up the TV always ends up being an ordeal. This cord goes… where? But once each cable and wire are plugged in properly, let the fun and relaxation begin! After a hard day’s work, you deserve gaming time or a couple’s movie night in. Keep the spark alive, no matter how tricky. MAKE THE BED. There’s nothing like freshly cleaned sheets on a made bed. As the final homey touch, have your bed ready for comfy cuddles at the end of the day. The center of your home is the entertainment space, but the center of your love is the safe space where you sleep, share, and slow down the rest of the world. Always make your partner feel secure and loved in your arms.
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In 10 years, the roof will need repair. In merely 2, your floorboards will need waxed or polished. But, these are not signs of a crumbling structure. Chipping paint means it’s time to reassess the issue and paint a new coat, maybe even a different color if the first design wasn’t working. Lay down new layers of concrete for a stronger foundation. Switch out the art work for pieces that fit you and your partner’s ever changing personalities. Once in a while, you even need to landscape the outdoors to keep curb appeal up. This home isn’t a flighty rental. The only fading bubbles present are the ones in your champagne toast after a successful day of moving or redecorating. Your home can survive the upcoming weather. Your love can be a lasting one. &
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til death do we part WORDS & IMAGES BY RADHIKA & IAN MCDIARMID OF RADIAN PHOTOGRAPHY
WE GET TO be a part of a lot of wedding days. We get to see the nervous excitement on a groom’s face melt into relief and tears when he sees his future wife walking down the aisle towards him. We are able to watch as the bride carefully lays out the heirlooms handed to her by her mother and grandmothers on the morning of her wedding. We get to hear the pride and joy in a lot of fathers’ speeches and we get to see mothers put veils in their daughters’ hair with so much care. As wedding and lifestyle photographers we are lucky to be even a small part of these incredible moments. Weddings are special. They represent the culmination of months of careful planning and preparation. Flowers, food, invitations—all the details that go into making it an amazing day have to be chosen and arranged to create the magic that we get to witness and photograph. But those things are only part of it. When we set out to photograph a wedding, we pay attention to those details, but we also seek to honor deep, emotional connections, and the intentional, sometimes difficult work that people have invested in planning their relationships. It is that work that truly makes a wedding, and a marriage, special. It is that work, the building of a strong foundation, that turns a wedding from the end of months of preparation to the beginning of a long life together.
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CLICK HERE TO GET THE FULL ISSUE COURTNEY AND DAVID, married six years
Courtney and David have been married for six years, and as they put it, are just hitting their stride. We talked with them over the increasingly loud protestations of their newborn daughter, Margaret, at the end of their newborn lifestyle session. When we asked about their thoughts on marriage before they got engaged, David told us, “We both knew that when we got married that that was it.” That sentiment is perhaps the most important for a marriage. To date another person is to share your life with them, but to get married is to make your two lives into one, and that kind of thing—obvious as it may sound—cannot be taken lightly. That commitment is what it’s all about, so much so that it is written in the vows: “for better or worse…till death do us part.” But what does this commitment mean when the quickest fact anyone can muster about marriage is that 50% of them end in divorce?
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For Courtney and David, that commitment meant putting in a lot of work ahead of time to make sure they were ready, which included premarital counseling. The most important lesson they learned there was about conflict resolution. They found that they have very different styles of expressing frustration. Resolving conflict meant learning about each other and accepting and respecting those differences. Indeed that process of learning about and accepting each other has been a big part of their growth as a couple. “We have friends that are trying to date, and I feel like they’re looking for what David and I had on the first date. You have to realize that marriage is hard work. It takes a long time to get to that point.”
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SANJEEV AND SNEHAL, married 29 years
Marriage is hard partly because it means giving up some part of your life in order to make a new life with your spouse. When we talked with Radhika’s parents, Snehal and Sanjeev, they told us, “It is a partnership, and to enhance that partnership it is always about compromise and sacrifice.” When you are married, your decisions are no longer your own. You have to account for another person, with their wants and needs. So why pay that price? Why get married? As Sanjeev put it, “Marriage is hard work. However to do life alone is also hard, so you might as well have a partner.”
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Sanjeev and Snehal have been married for 29 years, have lived in 5 different countries, sometimes together and sometimes apart. They have created a beautiful life for themselves and their children half a world away from their families in India, but they got to embark on this journey together. They got to share in their struggles and successes with each other. A strong partnership is hard to build and maintain, but it means never having to do it alone. Sanjeev and Snehal knew from the beginning that creating a life together would take hard work, but they have reaped the rewards of that work for almost three decades and counting. 30 | 2017 COLLECTION
partnership it is always about compromise and sacrifice.
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CLICK HERE TO GET THE FULL ISSUE MARK AND KATE, married 33 years Ian’s parents, Mark and Kate, had a slightly different take on their marriage. On choosing the right spouse, Mark said, “They better be your best friend.” That friendship has been a major part of their marriage over the last 33 years. But their choice to get married was a casual one, not because they didn’t think much of their relationship, but because to them the most important thing was their commitment to each other, not a piece of paper or a ceremony. They took for granted that they were life partners, that they were together “for better or worse.”
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Commitment to each other and to building a life together is perhaps the most powerful, obvious, and difficult part of a lasting marriage. Commitment is a journey, not a destination. These couples have stayed committed to each other in their marriages and can and should feel proud of that looking back on their lives together, but what about those couples just now embarking on their marriage journey together? Surely all couples are committed to each other when they get married, but staying committed takes a lot of work before, during, and after it has been declared.
They better be your best friend. VOLUME I | 31
ERIC AND MICHELLE, married one year For Eric and Michelle, who were married in November 2015, that commitment means having a one-ofa-kind relationship with each other. They strive to make sure that their relationship is based on open and honest communication. “When we first got engaged, I legit thought it was going to be peaches and roses. It was all about me, and then all of a sudden Eric started having opinions about things. I was not fully prepared to do everything together, but in that last couple of weeks, really, we’ve really started understanding each other and we’ve really been enjoying this process.” All the work between their premarital counseling, spiritual counseling, and conversations with each other, is dedicated to understanding how to express themselves and hear what the other person is trying to express. In this commitment to communication, there is an element of teamwork, but there is also something more fun and personal. There is that special kind of language, which comes from practice. It is the kind of communication that is almost impossible for others to understand, but in that way it is incredibly intimate. It is a way of saying “I love you” that only your partner can hear. As Eric put it, “People might say, ‘Y’all are weird,’ but we have our own normal, and I’m cool with it.”
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RODNEY AND ANNA, married one year For Rodney and Anna, who were married in December 2015, commitment in the beginning of their marriage means preparing for each other. Rodney has been reflecting on what he has to offer to Anna and what she might need so that when they start their life together, he is ready for her. Rodney and Anna are remarkably similar in some ways— they both spontaneously bust out dance moves, they both laugh loudly and often, they both are the life of the party—but they are also very different in other ways. Rodney likes to fly by the seat of his pants, tackling life as it comes, while Anna likes to plan and be ready for every contingency. They are still working that out. But through their disagreements, there is a recognition that they love each other and they genuinely want to recognize and meet each other’s needs. Rodney knows he needs to be more proactive since his laidback style can stress Anna out. Anna knows that she needs to be, as she puts it, “Slower to anger and quicker to grace.” They are in the early stages of the life they are building together and are in the midst of the growing pains that every married couple can recognize. They are also so excited for their upcoming adventure together. When we asked Rodney about what he is most excited about, he said it was the little fights that come with building a life together. Anna said, “I’m just excited to see what we do as a unit.”
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Weddings are special. They take a lot of work and a lot of preparation. We are constantly amazed by all the details that go into making a beautiful wedding. But we are completely blown away by the beauty and wonder of intentionally crafted relationships. These relationships take so much more work and preparation than can be contained in a single day of celebration. For these relationships, the wedding day is only the beginning. &
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finding in broken pieces
WORDS BY SAMI ROSS // IMAGES BY KAITLYN HERZOG
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ON THE 21ST floor of a looming steel tower, I slouch in a comfortably uncomfortable chair and twirl a piece of rose quartz through my fingers. I rub the smooth stone between my temples, digging for something. My, a brash blonde with a temper as hot as a computer monitor, snaps “I always see you with that rock. Why? What are you doing?” Automatically, I sit upright with a yoga-refined straight back and chirp “Oh! It's rose quartz. Just channeling good vibes over here!” I playfully roll my eyes over my own quirkiness. My coworkers nod amicably behind big screens and even bigger cacti plants. At a cutthroat creative agency like ours, nobody questions the ever-relentless chase of the elusive “good vibe”. How could I possibly explain that I was frantically rubbing a 3-dollar rock into my forehead in the hopes that it would erase the damage from the last text message I had just sent? My boyfriend had followed another woman on Instagram. Breathe, breathe, breathe. Rub, rub, rub. Like the feminist I was, I had casually lost my damn mind. Again. She was probably his cousin. Soon, my lighting bolt shock of distress and anger would fade and I'd never look back- preferring to channel my energies into the woman I was so sure I was. I'll take those overnight oats with a side of denial, please. I've had a lifetime of practice pretending to be exceptionally well. Take a family tragedy mixed with an emotionally unstable sibling, and it's easy to see why I've always been desperate to be seen as downright docile. I don't think I'm dancing alone at this disco. I don't think I'm the only woman who smiles when she wants to scream. Who’d rather vomit than cry in public. Who presses into her yoga mat like she wants to break it, and sniffs essential oils like a fiend. It hurts like hell when someone tells me “you should be a yoga instructor. You're so calm.” How could they know that I'm prone to fits of rage that leave me standing in my parent's driveway, kicking my sister's moving car with a hard clog? That I constantly have to massage my jaw because it's sore from clenching every time someone taps, whistles, or clicks a pen? There's no way they'd have heard about my habit of drunkenly berating my boyfriend between the hours of 1 and 3AMthat's between us…and the neighbors. This year, somewhere between another internal crisis and a 40-mile hike through the Icelandic wilderness, I realized that something had to give. Me. I had to give myself a break. I had self-appointed myself the token starry-eyed smiler. Everybody's favorite daydreamer. I hung my hat on a backwards equation- the more people I charmed, the happier I had to be. Unfortunately, looking happy, sounding happy, and being happy are very different things. I was stuck on a self-hatred hamster wheel. Anger turned into shame. Shame repressed my feelings and, eventually, those same feelings erupted into a cacophony of negative emotion. Rinse, wash, repeat.
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In 2017, I’m pledging to break that vicious cycle. These ideas only scratch the surface of my self-love recovery plan, but they’re definitely a start: STEP OUTSIDE TO LOOK WITHIN I will no longer smile through my pain and take it out on loved ones later. I will remove myself from uncomfortable situations, even if that means stepping outside of my office or a party. Once I calm down, I won’t pretend like my feelings didn’t happen. Maybe I’ll journal, or just jot some words on a napkin. Most importantly, for me, I will only “return to my life” when I feel ready- not because of social pressure.
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SPEAK UP I’ve realized that a lot of my issues stem from me not confronting them head on. I act like they’re not there until suddenly we’re attached at the hip. In 2017, when something troubles me, I’m nipping it in the bud- even if I think it will make me seem unchill.
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I’M COMPLEX- DEAL WITH IT And maybe even like it. For so long, I’ve tried to lock half of me in the attic. On paper, my soft side sounds awfully nice, but let’s be real, my creativity, my wit, heck my sexuality, those beloved traits come from someplace slightly twisted. I’m ready to explore the mysterious, sometimes ugly parts of myself. I’m a little scared to go down that rabbit hole, but I think it’s what my imaginary therapist would want me to do. I’m leaving the lying, loathing, and loss in 2016. This year, I’ll still bake vegan muffins. I’ll still occasionally get angry during date night. Heck, I might even take a stern tone with a coworker, once in awhile. But, for once, these won’t feel like the actions of a stranger. I’m coming clean. This is me: sage, sass, and all. &
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IT’S ALL SO PERFECT. He’s handsome, charming, funny and you get lost in his eyes. You get butterflies when he walks in the room and everyone on Instagram comments "Goals." You're together for a few blissful months before you see red flags popping up amongst the good moments like mines hidden in a field.
I wish I could say that after I broke up with him and took my life back, everything became rainbows and butterflies - but it didn’t. My skewed mentality, low self-esteem and defense mechanisms were still perfectly intact. After being called “a piece of shit,” it’s not extremely surprising that it took me awhile to move on. Even though the guy was gone, the impact wasn’t. I knew my life was my own, I knew I didn’t need him, I knew I was beautiful but I couldn’t find the on-switch to truly believing those things.
ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS PREVIEW? He starts talking down to you. Whether it's raising his voice, making comments about your appearance or joking about you in front of other people, it happens. Even in the midst of the playful laugh that sometimes follows, you still feel the sting. You start to shrink into your own skin, trying to hide behind a plastered smile.
CLICK HERE TO GET THE FULL ISSUE You constantly feel the need to justify his jealousy to yourself and everyone around you. He asks to check your phone, doesn't let you talk with certain people and blows up when you're around other guys. But it's okay, right? He's just protective. He's just immature. He's just in a bad mood. Until he's not.
You walk on eggshells, wondering what outfit, text or comment will set him off next. You live in fear of the same person who sends you good morning texts. You start to think that it's your fault that he gets angry. I'm here to tell you that it's not.
Your friends and family either beg you to leave him or have no idea what happens behind the filtered life you've displayed. Time goes on and for every late night phone call, there is a late night fight that leaves you in tears, contemplating "Should I do it? Should I leave him?"
Developing a slight eating disorder after that relationship, it was a long time before I began to love myself again. Some people have profound moments where everything “snaps back”, I had a road of daily choosing to love who I was, where I was. Trust me, there was a lot I had to rewire. At that time, I was allowing myself to believe that the mirror was my scale of self-worth. Staring into it for hours on end, I would pick out what I hated. There was a very real belief that I was my skin and nothing deeper. What a scary thing to believe, what a bland way to live. I resented other women for having certain things or looking a certain way. Any cute outfit, hair style or success that wasn’t my own, was coveted in my mind. I couldn’t rejoice or compliment someone else without being fake. I was searching for attention. After not feeling beautiful in the relationship, I wanted affirmation wherever it would come. I secretly wanted women to be jealous and men to turn their heads. For whatever reason, though it’s awful to admit, that encouraged me. If I didn’t get compliments, I didn’t feel pretty. I would go back to the mirror and the cycle would start all over again. I had even stopped doing things I loved to do. If certain things weren’t cool or classy or sexy to other people, I wouldn’t do them. I wanted to do what would gain me popularity or status. Again, defining my selfworth in the most shallow way possible.
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THAT WASN’T ME I was there at one point in my life. I didn't want to admit it, even after the break up. I'm strong, bold and stubborn. How could I have let that happen? Why did I let him treat me like that? Even in the few times he became physically rough with me, I let the smiling face holding flowers back in. Time, after time, after time. Until I completely lost who I was.
VOLUME I | 39
THE STEPS TO SELF-LOVE After struggling with all of that, I finally started taking steps to love myself again. The first few months were a mental challenge. I had to catch my mind and redirect it - often. Anything negative that would creep in, I would address head on. Lies about my flaws, I’d contradict with truths about my worth. Mostly, it was a shift in my heart. Once I started digging into my Bible, surrounding myself with encouraging people and refusing to sit in self-pity, the growth began.
happy medium and begin loving ourselves well. Find time for yourself. I know, I know. It seems like an obvious action point. But taking the time to actually take time? It gets pushed to the back burner of the busy lives we lead. Having time to do what you love to do allows you to appreciate yourself in new ways. You have passions and talents that are completely unique to you. Love them, use them and grow them.
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The mirror was no longer all that mattered, it was just something I glanced in. Did I still want to feel pretty? Of course. But it was no longer one of my greatest desires. I found joy in other people’s accomplishments without feeling insecure. There’s something significant about being able to celebrate wholeheartedly in success that’s not your own. I stopped desiring attention from men and women alike and believe it’s dangerous to subtly welcome cat-calling for the sake of self-esteem. I didn’t want women to envy me either, just like I didn’t want
Don’t rely on other’s words. You’re awesome. And you don’t need anybody else to tell you so. Obviously, it’s nice to receive compliments and praise but don’t go searching for it. If you’re waiting for someone else to make you feel special, you may never. People can be mean and words can be hurtful. If you allow hateful words to root down, someone else has a control over you that never should’ve been given. Get rid of the “friends” that knock you down and don’t rely on other people’s opinions of you to shape your own. Take encouragement from others but don’t forget to encourage yourself too.
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Anything negative that would creep in, I would address head on. Lies about my flaws, I’d contradict with truths about my worth.
to envy them. And, yes, I did start doing the things I liked to do.
Remember that the world doesn’t revolve around you. Because we’re human, we’re self-centered by nature. We look out for ourselves and do what’s best for us. Is it good that we care about ourselves? Of course. Is it good that we think we’re better than we really are? No. There will always be someone more successful than you, richer than you, smarter than you and prettier than you. If you think you’re the greatest, even if you would never admit it out loud, you’re in a dangerous place. Learn from people who are older and wiser, listen to criticism and always take advice. Confidence in humility is such a beautiful thing in a person and a leader. The saying is true, pride comes before the fall. Surround yourself with some truth-speaking friends. Everyone needs good friends. Non-toxic relationships build us up, encourage us and allow us to grow as people. It’s easy to want to have friends that only speak encouragement and fluff and butterflies but that’s not what makes a well rounded friendship. Find people who not only lift you up but do so by speaking the truth in love, people you know care about your heart. Taking advice from people who truly have your back is a lot less painful than falling on your face because no one cared. No one was meant to do life alone - you included. In loving myself, I love others better.
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Starting over after any relationship- whether or not it was healthy, feels weird. You’re probably nodding your head at this page right now because you know what I mean. When you date someone, your life gets tangled up in theirs. Photos, gifts and clothes linger in every bit of space. Once the box full of stuff-we-don’t-wannasee-anymore is taken to Goodwill, your social setting begins to change too. Friend groups shift, plans change and you start to live your life in a different pattern. FINDING THE BALANCE There are different reasons we stop loving ourselves, breakups included. But loving yourself too much leads to pridefulness which is even worse than low selfesteem. Here are some things that allow us to find a
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My life isn’t defined by my own negative thoughts, the words of bitter people or the society’s lens. It’s defined by me, knowing that I am loved by Jesus and free to live in joy. No matter what you’ve walked through or what you’ve been told, you can begin to love yourself again. Take a step and find how beautiful life is when you love and embrace all you were created to be. &
THE ROOT
WORDS BY MIA SUTTON
Butterflies fly freely In the walls of my stomach I climb high I let the waves wash over me My excitement can’t be contained The journey is beginning I can’t see what’s over the horizon But the sun shines so warmly on my face I can’t help but smile From my lips, my heart, my eyes It’s the bell before the ring It’s the bud before the bloom Success is within my grasp And my reach is long Bolstered by muscles of belief and perseverance Will you join me On this trek to triumph We’ll walk together Our eyes firmly forward One day we’ll know That this was the moment Where it all began The root of all that shines
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THE STRUGGLE TO LIVE WORDS BY TRINITY MURRAY
I WAS THIRTEEN the day they told me that I had been eating less than enough to keep a two year old alive. The doctors said I would not live to be twenty years old. It isn’t as if I didn't enjoy food, because it was practically an obsession. Twenty-four hours a day for over half of my life I had counted calories, restricted my intake to incredibly low amounts, and calculated how many calories I had burned in my Physical Education classes, gymnastics practices, and after school at the gym on my free days. I wrote down my weight each morning, as the other twenty-nine times I weighed myself throughout the day were not as record worthy. No matter how far I pushed myself it was not enough. I was not enough. I was diagnosed with EDNOS or Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, which is basically an eating disorder category they throw misfits in. If you do not quite meet the criteria for Anorexia Nervosa, this is where you end up. It’s a terrible place, really. As if I didn’t already feel like a failure, it was as though I couldn’t even starve myself correctly. Too often, I was told that I did not look sick which only worsened my state. When you are given this diagnosis, treatment centers will not typically accept you until your severity reaches a certain point. Most people picture skeletal figures of nothing but simply skin and bones when they hear someone speak of eating disorders, but those who are affected by such mental illnesses come in all shapes and sizes. That is the deadliest part, because many individuals with or without a diagnosis tend to hide their eating habits from those around them until eventually they die of heart failure or other various complications related to the problem at hand. I could not afford to receive treatment if I wanted to, but by doctor’s orders I spoke to a nutritionist and psychiatrist only one time. One of the professionals I had spoken to for assistance had told me that there were people who had worse cases than mine, and that I was
wasting their time. Again, I was not good enough. At my lowest, though I do not like to talk about it much, I was about seventy pounds underweight. In my mind, it was still not low enough. When everything else in the world was crumbling rapidly around me, I knew that I at least had control over the stance and deterioration of my own body. My hair began to thin, my clothes never quite fit right, I passed out nearly every day, my teeth were lacking the minerals they needed to stay in one piece as well as the rest of my body, and it was all I could do to muster up enough strength to get up each day and face society all over again. The same society that told me I was not pretty enough. I was not smart enough or talented enough. The world had told me that I was not thin enough or good enough to make something of myself. Little did I know that I was about to prove everybody wrong. A PART OF THE BACKGROUND My entire life had been spent in the background. I was in several theatrical productions in school - as the lights and sound crew. I had competed on the gymnastics team in high school - as the clumsy, weak, and easily bruised bench warmer who was better at cheering everyone else on than doing the actual sport. I took my singing skills from the chorus to the more elite dynamics group - as the clueless girl doing the Macarena in the back row on stage during a Bon Jovi medley. I even brought my passion for writing into the mix as a member of the journalism club and yearbook committee having publications in both the school newspaper and several yearbooks - the only indication being my name in tiny print at the bottom of the pages. I was involved in so many things! Yet I was not present for most of them. I was there, of course, but I never felt like more than just background noise. That is until I started modeling.
VOLUME I | 43
DESERVING BETTER I wanted to change the way people viewed each other and reshape the mold that society had cast by proving that people could be any height, any shape, and come from any walk of life and still be beautiful. I held benefit photo shoots in my hometown for those in my community to have the chance to feel as amazing as they were inside. Being the founder of Operation Spread the Love, an organization that raised awareness for eating disorders and thousands of dollars to donate to a treatment facility called Timberline Knolls, I felt like a huge hypocrite. I was making others feel great about themselves! Radiating positivity out of every nook and cranny I could, but saving none for myself. I preached body positive quotes left and right, but none were aimed inward. A few years had passed since my diagnosis, and not much weight had been restored. I was already sixteen years old at that point, and if the doctors were right I only had four years left. I would never make it to my high school graduation. There was no future for me at all. No going to college, no obtaining a successful career, no making a family or buying a house‌nothing. It took a few weeks from that moment for everything to set in. I had almost accepted the fact that I would have no future. That is the point that I guess you could say I had hit rock bottom. Several photo shoots and outfit changes later, I had somehow convinced myself that I deserved better.
on living a vegan lifestyle the healthy way, and made the transition in a snap. Many of my friends and family thought that it was another way for me to lose weight, but in all reality veganism was my way of learning to fuel my body with good stuff to get good out. I started to mend friendships that had dwindled down because of my eating disorder, and even began new ones! I met my soul mate, graduated high school with honors, was accepted into my first choice college with scholarship offers that went solely off of my grades and determination, and actually became proud of what I had accomplished through all of my hardships.
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A good friend made me see that it was okay to be selfish sometimes. It was alright to take a moment to myself and work on bettering who I wanted to become. We had girls’ nights where we would watch movies, do our nails, make snacks, and just be our silly selves. That truly helped me the most, as she opened my eyes to what it was like to be a typical teenage girl. I tried yoga and loved the way it made my body and mind feel. It was nothing like the strenuous cardio I had forced myself to do before purely for the burn. I had so much more energy to do even the smallest of tasks that once took everything I had out of me. I did an insane amount of research
Though the struggle continues to be real, I have learned so many valuable lessons to carry with me on my way. It is absolutely okay to put yourself first sometimes! Take a moment out of each week to do that thing you are passionate about. Even in the shortest amount of time, you can clear your head and refocus your attention on what's important to you on your journey. A healthy mind and healthy body equals a happy life! No, not every day is going to be rainbows and butterflies. But there are far better things to do than fill your mind with negativity and run yourself down doing tasks which will not better you in the future. You cannot forget that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes! Whether you wear makeup or a messy bun, dress in business casual or sweatpants, or have that cake for breakfast that was calling your name when there was a banana sitting right next to it, you are beautiful because you are who you were meant to be. You are your only restraint! Yes, society can be very cruel. You must be willing to accept that you can't please everyone, and that this is your story to write. It's alright to be stuck; to have writer's block is completely normal at certain instances in life. Being able to move past that and take on challenges is what will make a good read in the long run. And lastly, if there is anything that sticks with you after reading this, remember just one lesson. No matter where you start from in life, you can do great things! Because every day is the beginning of the rest of your life. &
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VOLUME I | 45
begin again THIS ARTICLE IS ALL ABOUT WHAT IT'S LIKE TO WALK INTO RENEWAL AFTER A BREAKUP. IT ISN'T SO MUCH A SERIES OF STEPS, SINCE IN MY OPINION, RECOVERING FROM A BREAKUP IS A LOT DEEPER AND A LOT MORE NUANCED THAN A LIST OF STEPS CAN CONVEY. AS A RESULT, THIS IS MORE OF AN ARTICLE OF ENCOURAGEMENT TO BELIEVE IN NEW BEGINNINGS AND TO STEP FORWARD INTO A NEW NORMAL WITH COURAGE. WORDS BY MADISON GARRETT
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I’M SITTING ON the front porch of my apartment as the storm rolls in slowly from the west. From my vantage point with a mug of green tea in hand, I can see two sides of the storm: the before and the during. The before is my apartment complex: dry, not yet changed by the approaching rain, but crackling and tingling under the weight of what it knows is coming. The during, just off in the distance, is dark, menacing, irrepressible, and all-encompassing. The storm is coming and coming quickly; I can hear the thunder cracking and I see the lightning jump from cloud to cloud. What I cannot see, however, is the after. A darling friend has just left my apartment to go meet up with her boyfriend, most likely for the last time. An hour ago, we were eating store-bought spaghetti and farmer’s market bread in my living room, chatting about our lives, when she asked me, out of the blue, what it was like to go through a break up.
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For the first time in the ten months since I had been broken up with, I broke down sobbing in front of another human being. Unable to contain myself, I burst into tears, burdened by the rawness and the honesty of the question, the heartbreak my friend was about to encounter, and remembering mine all over again. Last October, I stood exactly where she now stands. I remember it with savage clarity: the helplessness, the powerlessness, the inability to change his mind, and the desperation with which I fought to keep him in my life. The feelings of not-enoughness, of weakness, of wretched, unwavering, unavoidable confusion.
VOLUME I | 47
YES, THIS SEASON IS ANGUISH. BUT IT IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND PURE AND RIGHTEOUS FORM OF ANGUISH POSSIBLE.
ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS PREVIEW? I spoke to her quietly, with a voice cracking under the weight of so much emotion.
what was permanent in my life as well as highlighting the fragments that needed rebuilding. It was like a wrecking ball that knocked down any apparition of perfection, forcing me to be vulnerable and weak and sad and messy- everything I always did my best to avoid. It was a season of walking through the wilderness, of not being able to see where I was going, of constantly deciding if I wanted to be where it was safe or where I would grow.
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“It’s anguish.”
My sweet friend watched tears stream shamelessly down my face.
“It’s anguish,” I said, “but I can tell you with absolute certainty and with every fiber of my being that it is the most worthwhile anguish imaginable.”
There is a rawness that comes in feeling so much, I explained to her. I was unused to heartbreak, inexperienced in the art of grieving, and overall confounded by the reality I was now facing. I was heart sick and heart sore, skipping out on a week’s worth of obligations, choosing to watch Friends in bed or go on long, tear-filled walks with myself. I filled up journal after journal of questions of self-worth and asking that oh-so-inconvenient question: why.
REBUILDING It is okay to hide for a little while. It’s okay to be all mixed up and it’s okay to not be okay. It’s necessary to mourn and grieve and be still in the midst of your sadness. I needed to nurse my tender heart and let it feel every mixed up emotion that it felt, even when I didn’t want to. Letting go of the sweet boy I loved felt like standing on the plank of a pirate ship. I knew I couldn’t stay on the boat. No one was pushing me off and no one was going to force me to jump, but I knew that I couldn’t stay there. I had to decide for myself if I wanted to stay on board a boat that wasn’t going anywhere or if I wanted to jump off and believe in the unknown waters.
I had to start talking about my pain. Which, for the record, is NOT easy for me. But I had to start speaking out loud those lies that I believed so that someone could speak the truth over me instead. I had to set my pride aside and bravely pull back the curtain and show dear friends the messiness of my heart, choosing to honor them with my vulnerability and choosing to let them be the kind of friend that I needed. My heart had been broken, and now was the time to undergo heart surgery: to sift through my emotions and my insecurities, to courageously let my heart be opened up and softened, and to bravely begin to use it again. Yes, this season is anguish. But it is the most beautiful and pure and righteous form of anguish possible. Just like the storm will inevitably end, the anguish my friend feels will end too. But we cannot put ourselves on a timeline. You are never “too much” and you are never “not enough” and you are never behind schedule. Those lies are easy to believe, but you must fight them. Replace them with this truth: you are becoming gold. This pain is not meaningless, I promise. From inside the storm, you cannot see what comes next. But take it from someone who has been soaked by the heavy rain and now walks freely: spring is on the other side. A season of newness, of rebirth, of beginnings waits for you. The soil is dark and wet and ready for growth and a new you is ready to burst forth into existence. You are being scrubbed clean of brokenness and you will emerge victorious, renewed, refreshed, and revitalized, ready to dream, ready to love, and ready to begin again. So muster every ounce of courage you have and jump off that pirate ship into your new normal. It is the boldest thing you could possibly do. &
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And now here I am, nearly a year later, sitting on my porch, watching a storm, and slowly letting go of fear for my friend. In its place, I’m growing more and more excited. This season ripped me apart and ravished my heart and turned everything I knew upside down. It was like an earthquake that shook up my life, unseating everything without a firm foundation, showing me 48 | 2017 COLLECTION
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a new me
WORDS BY DEDRA DAVIS // IMAGES BY CAMERON DAVIS
I AM A WRITER. A paid journalist. I can say that now. It took me twenty-six years to be able to say that; to own that title. My story is one of believing in yourself, of confidence and it has a happy ending. The road was both smooth but also thick with potholes, like many roads are. Where I am now, in a place of happiness and contentment, I can now say I am a bit proud of myself. When it takes you twenty-six years to discover yourself and do what you were meant to do, you gather a bit of self-pride. I feel God led me down this path, slowly. He knew when I was ready, far more than I ever knew. This chapter of my story begins in 1988 when I graduated with a journalism degree. Married for a year, baby-onthe-way, and no confidence. Absolutely none. I had never been published; only written articles for assignments (which I believe was a failure of the university). Besides the baby and the lack of confidence, my husband was making a good living and we were okay. Fast forward eight years, we were doing more than okay-nice house, nice cars, traveling, and living the good life. I was happy being a mother and a wife and living well. Another ten years or so, and due to the decline in the economy, our life changed. THE ECONOMY'S DECLINE My husband owns a contracting business for new construction apartments. His company designs and installs the air conditioning in all the units. He was very successful and had jobs all over the country. When there is a major decline in the economy, builders stop building apartments and contractors, like my husband’s business, stop installing air conditioning. So, like a lot of Americans at that time, our family was hit hard. This was a step into my fate of writing. A pothole-stretchof-highway in my road to writing. It played an important
role in how I ended up where I am now. I believe in ‘all in His time’ and I believe God placed all the events in my life to lead me to this moment. Recap-I had no confidence, had a baby, then two more children, lived for my family, raised my kids and enjoyed every minute of being a mommy and a homemaker. I went to lunch with my friends, ran my kids to every practice and game they had and we led a fun, happy, busy life. By the time my kids were entering high school, I was both bored and having extra money benefited our situation we found ourselves in, so I started working at our local high school (where my kids happened to be eight hours a day). It was a fun job and I loved working with all the high school kids and being around my kids and their friends. I gained a great deal of friends that made working fun. I knew this was not long-term for me though; I knew I wanted more. This job also led me to a man, who was my boss, and who I also considered a friend. And who finally led me to writing. In January of the sixth year of working, the economy, and my husband’s business, started thriving again. And a very important event happened. THE FIRST STEP Because my boss believed in me, he asked me to write an article and try to get it published in the local paper, and because I didn’t want to let him down, I tried. I was petrified and assumed I would fail. I wanted to say no and bury my head in the sand, because twenty-six years later, I still had no confidence. My husband urged me and told me I could do it. I panicked and I freaked, but I wrote that article, submitted it to our city newspaper and although I had no by-line, it was published! My first article I wrote was staring back at me in black and white. I was published. I couldn’t believe it. I was like a kid on Christmas morning.
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i am not finished dreaming and fulfilling
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So, I wrote another article. Published. I then wrote one to a smaller community paper and not only was it published, I had my first by-line and they asked me to send more.
although in hopes that others will read what I write. I simply and honestly love writing. I have always known I wanted to write. From diaries and journals my whole life, to writing poetry in college. When my oldest daughter was one, I wrote five children’s books. I researched and learned how to submit them to publishers (this was way before the online submission days). When I received my first rejection notice, I put the books down and filed them away. No confidence. A few years later, I had a dream, woke up and started writing a novel. Ten chapters in, the no confidence bug took over. I filed the novel away.
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It was as though a bomb went off. I exploded into a journalist; into a writer. And I was being paid. A published, paid journalist. To someone who had dreamed about this but never allowed herself to think it would ever become a reality, this was everything.
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I remember calling my parents after my first published article and said, “Remember that journalism degree y’all paid for? You know how I have never used it? Well, I am using it now; I am a paid journalist!” My parents were extremely proud and I was so happy to give them this news.
My road to writing was being paved before me. It seemed everything fell into place. The economy was improving. My husband’s business started improving. Within six months I could quit my job to fulfill a life-long dream of becoming a journalist. I started freelancing. I started writing for a weekly newspaper, writing from home and thrilled to do so. Three years later, I have achieved several writing goals that used to be dreams. I am not finished dreaming and fulfilling.
NEW ME In the process, I have become a brand new me. A braver me. A more confident me. I now say yes to things that scare me; things that at times paralyze me but I say yes and complete the task. It is not until I am through this that I realize how much more I have grown. I continue to grow. I am excited, purely and simply excited, about writing. About life.
I honestly feel God knew I wasn’t ready to be a writer when I was younger. For some reason, it wasn’t my time. (Perhaps it was Google and spell check?) I am not sure I would have appreciated the process of writing and the rewards of writing at that time. He led me along my way to discover my confidence. I know this was all due to God and His timing. So many things fell into place for me to sit here today, writing this story. My story is not about ‘look at me, I am a writer’ but more about ‘you can be whatever you want to be, whenever you (and He) are ready’. You can be anything you want to be when you grow up. It just took me twenty-six years longer than most people! I don’t regret or consider any time wasted. I was a mother and I still feel that has been my most important role in life. I wouldn’t trade that time and involvement with my children for anything. Even for writing. I hope you will read my story and be uplifted. I want to inspire others to be late-in-life-journalists. Or chefs. Or nutritionists. Whatever your passion-do it and do it now.
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I dream about writing. I get up in the middle of the night to write. I live to write.
I embrace my story. My story shows that it is possible to succeed at what you love to do no matter how old you are. I try to write every day. On my blog, I write for me,
I hope you find your confidence. Believe in yourself and believe in His time. And through that I believe you will find yourself. I am not finished driving down this road of mine. I am not through dreaming. I have more goals that I hope will one day be fulfilled. It will take hard work and I am prepared to put the work in. Who knows, I might get those children’s books and that novel out again. &
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MY BEGINNING BEING A SINGLE MOM COMES WITH ITS OWN CHALLENGES, BUT ADD IN DEBILITATING HEALTH CONDITIONS, AND THE STRUGGLES CAN SEEM INSURMOUNTABLE. A FATEFUL SURGERY HAS GIVEN THIS MOM A NEW LEASE ON LIFE. WORDS & IMAGES BY KASHINDA T. MARCHE
IS IT SAFE to say that raising a child or children as a single parent can be very challenging? Well, as I raised my daughter alone while battling debilitating health conditions, it made the challenge seemingly impossible. There were so many days when I just wanted to throw the towel in and simply give up. My daughter Asia, now 21 years old, made the good days wonderful. She did her best to make the bad days less frustrating for me. Asia was minimally problematic. I’m sure that she will agree that if it weren’t for our complex life experiences, we wouldn’t be the strong, faith inserted women we are today. My health began to decline when I was thirty-two years old. I started having all kinds of issues arise such as high blood pressure, severe body pain, massive headaches and even absent menstrual cycles. After visiting multiple doctors and undergoing various testing, they couldn’t find any explainable diagnosis. But thanks to my persistent complaining, along with the worsening of my symptoms; the curiosity of my primary care physician led to an MRI of my head. Lo and behold, there was the culprit; a cystic tumor attached to my pituitary gland.
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Your pituitary gland, also known as the master gland, holds the key to all functions of the human body. My symptoms were the result of compromised hormones in my body. I had to undergo immediate brain surgery to relieve the pressure this tumor was applying to my master gland. Now this wasn’t your ordinary tumor, she was very aggressive. Blessfully benign, but nonetheless aggressive.
cane, four-wheel walker and a power wheelchair for distances. Accepting a decline in one’s health can lead you to a dark place. I ended up in that darkness - depression. I was at an age when I had raised my daughter and she was in a good place within her life, it was time for me to live. I felt like I had been given several chances at life by overcoming multiple brain surgeries; but was it just so I could face not walking? This was extremely hard for me; I use to walk for a living! I was a US mail carrier in my day and a damn good one I might add, so how could this be?
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THE SURGERY My skilled surgeons consisted of a neuro-surgeon and an ENT surgeon. They performed four Endoscopic transsphenoidal resections; which basically means through the nasal passage. My surgeries were performed over the course of a three-year span (2011-2014) and to date hasn‘t reoccurred. I am currently doing well with the help of hormone replacement drugs. My thyroid hormone was affected in the beginning but has since normalized itself but my adrenal system and most of my female hormones are still compromised. I am now age forty and my menstrual cycle hasn’t been present since 2011.
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The impact those surgeries had on my life were traumatic for me but I wasn’t the only one affected. Asia was a teenager at the time and had life demands of her mom. I was in bad shape and couldn’t fully participate in her life for years. She would come and go from school and work only to find me bed ridden; crying from intolerable pain. After completing homework she’d come to my bedroom to clean after me and sometimes prepare me an evening meal. She was great. Sometimes my mom would step in to help out because I would feel so guilty for putting too much responsibility on my daughter.
In our recent time spent together during her breaks from college, we’d talk about those years and she would say, “Yes it was a rough patch but we got through it.” To hear her have that kind of attitude about a time in her life that was turned completely upside-down was a delight and I was so grateful. It taught the both of us the power of prayer and importance of faith. It definitely gives me hope.
OUT OF THE DARKNESS My growth in spirituality helped me get through it. It led me out of the darkness and taught me that my job wasn’t done. I continue to seek psychotherapy and have even delved into a craft I didn’t know existed in me. My God has shown me an inner gift that was embedded in my heart. But when you are so busy tackling the duties of life especially being a mother; sometimes you aren’t aware of these things. I sure wasn’t. I have my daughter to give a lot of the credit to as well. If it wasn’t for her encouraging me and providing such great motivation, I may have ignored the signs. I am now writing stories. Not just your typical imaginative stories but those with absolute realistic situations. I currently have a book on Amazon called "The Triumph in Me - Living to Die but Decided to Live". Although it is a fictional novel, I developed the characters with a sense of rawness. This story is a reality check messaging inspiration and awareness. I explore the life of a teenage girl who goes from darkness to seeing the light. Our issues are somewhat different but nevertheless the struggle is the same. Asia is breaking into the TV/Film industry and she inspired me to dream again. I have teamed up with a longtime friend of mine and we actually launched our own publishing and media company, 4 Lane Publications.
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I wish the brain surgeries I survived were the only thing I have to speak on but as I mentioned there were multiple conditions I battle. Currently I am considered totally disabled. I also suffer from a chronic condition called Peripheral Neuropathy. Nerve damage resulting in excruciating pain, numbness, tingling and weakness mostly involving my hands and feet became another way of living. It can also affect other areas of the body and in my case it does. My ability to walk has been severely compromised. The unsteadiness in my balance makes walking even the shortest distance difficult unassisted. I depend on several assistive devices such as a walking
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So you see, I refuse to allow my challenges and disability to keep me from living the life God spared me to live. It is my hope to reach as many souls and hearts through my writing. Those individuals who may also be trapped in their own darkness as I once was. I will write for them. I will continue to create stories of truth. Asia and I are on different journeys, yet our goal remains the same. We just want to be happy and share our gifts with the world. Having turned forty years old, I have decided to live a single, celibate life, getting to know me. &
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“I’D RATHER REGRET THE THINGS I’VE DONE THAN REGRET THE THINGS I HAVEN’T DONE.” - Lucille Ball
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wildewoman WORDS BY HEIDI SIMPSON // IMAGES BY JONATHAN RUGGIERI
"I know that I love you, but I don't know if I can be the partner you want or need." The words echoed in my head like I'd heard them all my life. I cried, I paced, and I lay on the floor wondering how I got here, again. Only there are two selves that exist within us: the one that knows what is true right from the start, and the child self. Unfortunately for us, the child self is the one that we listen to. The child in us wants to be adored, taken care of, and constantly given attention. The woman inside tells us, this isn't quite right. This is not the person for you, because they can't really understand all that you are. This was not the first time I'd experienced severe heartache with a person that pledged to be my partner. A few years prior, I survived the death of a marriage. Although it was painful, it was very clear--he was no longer in love with me. I don't think I was in love with him any longer either, but I did feel connected to something outside of myself. At the time, I couldn't admit the reality of it all. I held on for far too long, trying desperately to understand what went wrong. Where I went wrong, when I became unlovable. It took me over a year to 'get over it,' which meant reclaiming my independence and finding the things I loved on my own. Anger and exhaustion were what really fueled me to do this, but I never really found a way to heal the wounds. I just found a way to survive, which was digging back into who I am.
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It was in the midst of that process that I met my recently departed partner. I never expected her to reach for me, but reach for me, she did. I was long experienced in love and relationships, and I knew that it was all new to her. She was caught up in lust, and I held off for a very long time. I held off on the label, I refused to ask for anything or really give anything because I thought, then I couldn't lose anything. She asked me to be her girlfriend, and I thought, I can give this to her. So I did. Then she told me she was falling in love with me, and I thought, 'oh lawd'. I wasn't in that place, and so I didn't say anything at all. She said that I didn't have to say it if I didn't feel it, she just wanted to express her feelings. I don't know exactly when I told her that I loved her, but I did. After that, we began doing all of the couple like things that couples do. I always think I'll be better at the end of a relationship the next time it comes to me, but the pain is always different from the prior heartbreak I’ve experienced. Because every single person I tangle myself up with is entirely unique. It is so much easier to demonize the significant other, when all of the previous baggage that we carry with us rears its ugly head to claim itself upon every relationship that ends. You say, "Of course they are leaving. Of course they are abandoning me. It is what people do to me, there is something about me that screams, leave."
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The thing is, when our hearts are broken by someone we love, it strikes at old feelings that have been lying dormant, or feelings we haven't even acknowledged at all. Then we remember, after laying on the floor for a long time--we were someone before anyone broke our hearts, all on our own. It feels like dusting off shelves that you've neglected for years.
Heartbreak is a powerful thing. It hurts like hell, but the pain is constantly shifting our perspectives. We have a tendency to try to hold onto people that leave us, because they loved us once. Even when the tethers on the rope are burning our hands; we still hold on. But you have no choice; you can either dwell here, in this hell forever, or you can choose to see hell differently. You can look at it as something temporary, something to escape and rise above. It doesn't always have to touch you, to affect you in this way. You are actually capable of making a choice with anything, especially when it comes to your feelings. Feelings are these intangible things that seem to float in the air, but affect nearly every action that we take in life. They make us do things, they make us not do things. We forget that we control them, they don't control us. When left to our own devices, we think our world is over. It is when we are left to ourselves, which we are beginning.
ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS PREVIEW? I was me, but I got lost somewhere.
CLICK HERE TO GET THE FULL ISSUE When I was in love, I thought that the part that hurt so badly inside of me would go away. How could I not? Hell, I have a tattoo on my foot that means love conquers all. I still believe that, only now, I know that love is so much more than I ever thought it would be. All of the anger that I feel, when I've been left, more times than I'd like to count--wraps itself around my heart like a red hot coil. I actually start to believe I’m damaged, that I’m not a person that is good for anyone.
My friends are there. They allow me to talk through my feelings, and sometimes I hope that they can take away the emptiness I have inside of me. Only they can't.
I know it, and so do they. I've been lucky enough to gather friends over the years that know the true me, through all of my romantic relationships. Some of them have even known the me that existed before any of them. These are the people that you know are actually going to stick. They don't coddle you, they speak painful truths, remind you how amazing and strong you are, and that all of the heavy lifting you have ahead of you is all on you.
I don’t know that I’ll ever really understand why my partner fiercely felt the need to leave, to escape me. Or maybe I already do, but my child self won’t let me see through the haze to really acknowledge it. What I do know; I opened myself in spite of the way the world hurt me previously. I had faith in another person, and I loved her in the best way that I knew how to. And that is something. In fact, it is everything.
Forgive yourself for being vulnerable, in fact, be proud of yourself for being so. It is easier to shut it all out, to avoid, to just go through the motions and never come back again. Recognize what is true, what is real, and listen to your heart, to your voice. The one that tells you to write, to dance, to always, always ask questions about everything. That voice is your power, the one that will never allow you to be put in a cage. Don’t shut her out—listen, listen, listen.
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Grief is not something that we can heal and make go away, we just get better at managing it. We have to accept that these awful things happen to us that make us feel like a scared kid. It is hard to remember that we won't feel like we are falling apart every moment of every day when we feel it. The feeling itself is caused by so many different life events, but at the root, it is the same--loss. We know we have to survive, to keep going with this rock inside of us.
Let her breathe, grab her hand, and pull her up. She’ll whisper the words that will map the story of your soul, and you’ll never be lost. You have a true north. Look up. &
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n o i t a cre e's self n o in
WORDS BY KATIE RICHARDSON // IMAGES BY LANCE FLORES
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THERE ISN’T MUCH about me that the stranger to my right doesn’t know. I’ll tell you just what I think about most things and share with you the highlights mixed in with the most mundane moments of my day and every day before if you’re willing to listen. I verbally process almost everything and hold no secrets of my own, except for this, writing. I nearly pen just as much as I talk, but these words I tuck away for the eyes of no one. So here we are, starting at the beginning. Writing is not this thing that happens at a wooden desk or a perfectly curated coffee house with a black coffee and blacker ink. It’s always a back road full of blind corners yet paved with a strange familiarity. The Persian poet, Hafez, once said, “Leave the familiar for awhile. Let your senses and bodies stretch out. … Change rooms in your mind for a day.” And so I write, a thing I do daily never knowing just where it’ll lead. I wake up and prepare for the day I lived before my slumber, but today will not be so similar. Something leads me to that back road. Get in your car and get off at the exit that looks abandoned where the small gas station is vacant and the road signs are a faded jade. The letters no longer have definition, so you turn left instead of right because your gut has whispered and is gently pulling you by the hand. You find an empty field that seems to know something you don’t. The sun falls and not a cloud has come out to play this twilight, so the stars greet your wandering mind. Now you’re faced with an even larger unknown wilderness - the universe. It makes your clavicle relax and fall; your lungs fill very slowly and release even slower. The space between your place in the yellow grass and the vastness of the unknown grows closer and closer with every dispelling of carbon dioxide. The trees thank you. The stars wink. The tall grass whispers. The earth is dancing with you as you lay the stillest you’ve ever laid. It impresses its grandness upon your soul and the wilderness becomes a home, but it’s one that no one can ever enter the same way again, including you. So, stay here and breathe. Now how does one begin transcribing the whispers and the forwardness of the sky? When you experience such magic, perhaps the only thing that anyone can really know is your newness of action. Live like the stars are eagerly waiting to dance again and still write as though everyone deserves such a love.
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I read an interview of the writer/adventurer/inspirer, Jedidiah Jenkins, where he said, ”Everything started to happen before it happened because I talked about wanting it to happen. I’m not trying to sound brave, but I was willing to scare myself by setting high expectations for what I wanted to do.” I have found that writing is not a struggle. I have easily found a word here and there that has captured a small part of me. A spark flickers and I think, “Write it down for tomorrow is a new day and the morning light and restful sleep may blot it out.” While I have found the words, I still hide them hoping they’ll venture into another’s view all on their own. But now I am choosing to scare myself. I don’t know for certain that my writing is of any importance to others, but still I write. John Steinbeck, another favorite writer, says something similar in a letter to one of his best friends while he is contemplating the writing of East of Eden. Steinbeck writes, “I hope something beautiful and true comes out … even if I knew nothing would emerge from this book I would still write it.” He continues, “and it is interesting to think what paper and pencil and the wriggling words are. They are nothing but the trigger into joy - the shout of beauty - the cacajada [burst of laughter] of the pure bliss of creation.”
climb down, fall up eyes glazed and bodies stiff. dead some would assume. consumed is what you are, by petty musings and worldly greatness. and what good is that, to be dead and still and glazed over cold to carry the title and the name and the green and the gold.
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fighting with your digital anonymity, or your gross digital fame. climbing over and up through the pitied and lame. now you’ve reached the top and it looks so bright below. but here, there still hangs a shadow.
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If nothing I put down in permanence of pen is worth the labor or the ink, I want to at least discover this joy and beauty and laughter that is the “pure bliss of creation.” Perhaps creation is less about the viewer or the judger but rather the creator. What did God create me for? FOR JOY! He finds joy in my existence alone, not because I have become something worthy of awe or praise and not because I am accomplished above the others, but simply because I am a creation of the creator of the universe! Why do we as humans create? I believe it is for ourselves. And so I write for myself with a small glimmer of hope that you too may find joy in it and be inspired to find your cacajada – the pure bliss of creation.
scaling up and over others is not the goal, but instead sinking down below. step down, fall down, topple if you must walk down with your head held high, and settled dust. the highest title comes, and cannot be surpassed. all the green is yours, that of a shepherd’s grass. your name is called, but it comes from up high. take the gold, a Kingdom shine.
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Creation is not just about the thing you’ve poured every ounce of yourself into. Maybe it’s more about doing that thing that others will experience and think, “Yes, I will explore and create too!” I want to be scared into sharing my writing that I’ve convinced myself is no good. To begin something, perhaps you must build the confidence or be pushed from the cliff ’s edge. However it should happen, begin something because you know that what will come after will be good. Expect greatness because YOU are the creator. Any time we create from within, in a spirit of true sincerity, I believe something happens that no one can ever fully explain with words. We’re different; we’re better. When we believe in something so fully, we can do nothing less than shout it from atop the mountain. And so I’m in, and this is just the beginning. &
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The Best Is Yet To Come WORDS BY CHRISTINE AMOROSO
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IN THE EARLY morning hours, winter sun pours through my bedroom windows begging my eyes to open. My eyelids flicker, but I resist. The air is cool; I am warm, no work, no alarm clock and no reason to get out of bed. I stir and stretch and decide it’s time to move. Another day begins. My socks have escaped my feet in the night. I find them buried in the bedding and slip them on bringing warmth again to my chilly toes. My old sweats, elastic stretched and worn, hang on my hips as I shuffle into the bathroom and check myself in the mirror. Morning light is so forgiving, I smile. Brushing my teeth, I consider the day’s tasks. It’s always been difficult for me to do nothing. With one year ending and another beginning, I should tackle some annual rituals, beginning with my closets, out with the old, make room for the new and organize. Not exactly the way I want to spend my day, but there is a sense of accomplishment that feeds the OCD in me. I open my closet doors and scan the shelves filled with boxes of shoes, travel totes and photo albums. To the untrained eye, the small space appears clean and neat, organized by color, shape and function. But I know differently. I push apart the hanging clothes to reveal blouses and skirts I haven’t worn in more than a year, I remove them from their hangers. A local women’s charity will make good use of them. Down on my knees, I drag out boxes of shoes and find loose cards and a pile of notes and treasures stacked atop a sturdy keepsake container. Now sitting crossed legged on the floor, I open the box intending to put the small stack inside. But the contents are a mess as well. Brand new greeting cards for future use are mixed with handwritten thank you notes and birthday wishes. I match cards with envelopes, separate new cards by holiday, old treasures next, and then the random photographs. I flip through the pictures, smiling and at times getting misty eyed. Seeing my children so little, wishing I could begin again; a wiser, more patient mom. We have come so far the three of us. My parents in black and white, so young and full of life, I remember the humble beginnings of our family. The white borders of two oversized photographs catch my eye. The images take me by surprise, taken over two years ago, I had nearly forgotten them. The two of us, he and I, laughing in one picture, and in the other, I smile at the camera as he looks at me. If I didn’t know any better, I would say, those two people belong together. I trace his face with my finger and say out loud, I still love you. I have not dated or been in love with anyone since him. After the heartache, I wasn’t sure I wanted to begin again. Still gazing at his smiling face, I recall my happiness. A familiar love from long ago returned; a second chance at a beginning. In the end it just wasn’t meant to be. He does not occupy my thoughts the way he used to, but alone in my closet sitting among discarded clothing, I feel oddly embarrassed, silly and vulnerable, to be emotionally triggered by a picture of him and me, to still love him, and to allow myself thoughts of what might have been. I look at the photographs one last time before properly filing them in the keepsake box, and I replace the lid. I fold the clothes around me and stack them neatly. I stand and assess my handy work, pleased with my clean and newly organized closet, a few full bags for charity, a clear head and still open heart. I’ve never liked change or endings, but without them there are no beginnings . . . and I love beginnings. Rather than wish for what was or what might have been, I am grateful knowing there is no limit to the number of happy beginnings in one lifetime, in one year or even one day. &
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A familiar love from long ago returned;
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a second chance at a beginning.
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NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR
DREAMS
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WORDS BY LINDSEY BARBARA // IMAGES BY HANNAH BJORNDAL & LINDSEY BARBARA
EMPOWERMENT, COURAGE AND AN OPEN MIND, has led me to a life I couldn’t have imagined. A few years ago, I made a decision that would change my life forever – I’ve been guided down a path that one could only dream of, all because I chose to take an empowered stand for who I was and follow my heart. I’m not a person to give up on dreams or think that they can’t happen – in fact, I weave this very strand into the mentoring work that I do with my clients. Life is meant to be lived from your soul and I took the brave leap and resigned from my dream job in 2013, to travel the world and start my own business. My story begins though in 2012 when I graduated with my Master’s degree in Curriculum and Instruction. At the time I graduated, the prospects for jobs were low because funding was cut drastically for Education in the state of Pennsylvania. Although, I was fortunate enough to be one of the few out of my graduating class to get offered a job in Northern Virginia, right outside DC, as a third grade teacher. I felt like it was a dream come true when I was offered this job. I had everything a woman in their mid-twenties could dream about - a nice car, “a soon to be rented beautiful luxury apartment,” amazing salary, and the dream teaching job. With new opportunities coming in from every direction, I was ready to start my new job with a positive attitude and full spirit. During the school year, I provided my kids a positive, nurturing learning environment, which showed to stimulate their behavior and academic growth – paving a way for them to be the leaders among the other 250 third grade students. I worked very long hours and basically had no
life other than teaching and preparing thoughtprovoking and practical applications for my students. Honestly, I felt I was a robot, day in and day out. By the time springtime came, although I was excelling in teaching and my students were the only ones to actually pass, with above average scores, on all their state tests, I woke up one Saturday morning and literally asked myself, “what am I doing?” I was asking myself this question on a level that went deeper than just, “of course, I am working at my dream job.” I asked this because I knew deep down in my heart, at the end of the day I wasn’t happy and I wanted more in life. I wasn’t being respected for my qualifications, open mind, free spirit, and actual desire to see kids succeed beyond passing the state standardized test. I had a longing to share who I really was, express the creative spirit that lived within me, live a life on my own terms, and soar after my own dreams. I didn’t want to be confined to the standards, ideas, and philosophies that other people set and you have to follow. There was more to my life. THE LEAP So, on that Saturday morning, in late Spring 2013, I made a decision that would change my life forever. I was going to take the leap of faith and resign from my job at the end of the school year, literally leave everything behind, other than what fit in my suitcase, and move to Europe until Christmas. While in Europe, I would sing the praises of my own heart, follow the breeze that blew each dawn, and radiate my light and energy wherever the Universe called me. It was a new beginning and completely new chapter I was starting in my life.
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I moved to Europe right after my resignation, specifically it was going to be Italy, after a few stops in other countries – everything was planned and I even had opportunities for freelance jobs. I landed in Italy after a few weeks of exploring Europe and didn’t feel the soul connection I desired to feel. The feeling of my soul not being connected and aligned with Italy was so strong, being guided by my intuition and heart, I actually canceled my prearranged apartment and all my plans, and ended up moving to Ireland. Again, I left everything behind for an unpredicted journey – the journey of following my heart and soul, to conquer dreams.
was next for my career after I resigned from my job, but I knew I wanted more freedom. And so there it was, after months of living in the Irish culture, my sign came from the Universe in Killarney, Ireland, by way of a vintage spoon that read, “always follow your heart.” I decided right then and there, holding that spoon, to embark on an entrepreneurial journey with a mission of empowering women to build and design their dream brand and business. Women deserve to be their true self, live from the heart and live the life of their dreams.
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SOUL'S HOME The minute the plane landed in Ireland, my soul knew it was “home.” I quickly started to make West Cork home, settling in to my cottage, making friends at the farmers market and designing a life of Mother Earth’s beauty and tranquility. The fresh organic foods, lush greens, and the friendliest people you’ll ever meet on Earth, became my second home. I desired a life that I could create – I had no idea what
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Since moving back to the United States, I’ve used the power of human connection and authenticity to be an international business mentor and brand stylist. I work with clients worldwide, helping them build their dream business, and since 2014, I’ve had the honor of working with over 100 women from 4 continents. I’m so grateful for taking that leap of faith and following the road less traveled. In the end, the greatest privilege we have in this lifetime is being ourselves, so why not create the life and business, YOU DESIRE! You are worth it. &
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“IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE ROAD YOU’RE WALKING, START PAVING ANOTHER ONE." - Dolly Parton
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LIFE'S BEGINNING WORDS & IMAGES BY MONET NICOLE MOUTRIE
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AS A BIRTH PHOTOGRAPHER based in Denver, Colorado, I’ve had the opportunity and honor to watch over 120 babies make their way into our world. And each birth story is as unique as the child it brings into existence. Cesarean births, homebirths, hospital births with epidurals, each are beautiful in their own right. I’m amazed time and time again by the strength of the women I work with. Carrying a human life for up to ten months and then allowing your body to release that baby is no small feat! I find that the very depths and heights of human emotion are often found in these birth stories. When Holl & Lane reached out to me about sharing some of my favorite newborn photos, I went immediately to my birth collection. I selected these ten images of babies that are only hours, and sometimes even seconds, old. I was able to watch and capture these babies transitioning from life in the womb to life on the outside. It was fascinating to watch their skin color change, their heads mold, and their tiny eyes open to take in their surroundings. More and more women are choosing to have these moments captured because they encompass so much. Not only the beginning of their child’s life, but also a beautiful representation of family, of relationship, and of their own strength. These images are but the beginning of expanding stories. One day these children will think about having children of their own, and I imagine they’ll look back at these photos with wonder and amazement. How incredible to see the look on your parents’ faces when they first saw you come into the world! &
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“WHEN THE WHOLE WORLD IS SILENT, EVEN ONE VOICE BECOMES POWERFUL.” - Malala Yousafzai
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B AFTER A B Y
40 WORDS & IMAGES BY BECKY MOLLENCAMP
I NEVER WANTED CHILDREN. I spent my 20s and 30s knowing I’d never be a mother. Heck, I even started a childfree meetup group. Then a funny thing happened. I got divorced, lost my brother to a drug overdose, rekindled a long-lost love with my childhood sweetheart...and decided I wanted to have a baby. What changed? First, I realized it wasn’t that I didn’t want to have kids all those years, it was that I didn’t want to have them in that relationship. Second, losing my brother helped me really understand the value of family. Finally, I knew my new man needed to be a dad because he would be so great at it. It all added up to me—pretty suddenly—wanting a family. There was a problem, though. I came to this decision at age 39. My biological clock was suddenly ticking, but I knew its battery was about to die. It’s a tough thing to desperately want something, but know getting it may be beyond your control. I stopped birth control in August of that year. Month after month, I’d excitedly take pregnancy tests in the days leading up to the expected start of my menstrual cycle, then feel the heavy weight of disappointment when I’d see only one line (and again when my period would show up right on time). In December, I visited my gynecologist who said I was healthy enough to get pregnant. She also suggested we should consider fertility treatments sooner rather than later because it’s much more difficult to get pregnant at an “advanced maternal age” (that’s anything over 35, by the way). What I heard was, “you’ll never get pregnant naturally, so why bother?” So, I gave up.
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I spent the next month wallowing. Then came my 40th birthday in February and I decided maybe we should consider adopting.
have minor surgery. I didn’t know so many of my loved ones wouldn’t know what to say to me and that, in fact, many would say nothing.
Then I got pregnant.
I didn’t know if I’d ever get pregnant again.
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I always heard, “as soon as you quit trying, it will happen,” and it did. The truth is, there’s a 20% chance of getting pregnant with each monthly cycle at age 30 and 5% at age 40. After just six months, I hit the 5% jackpot. We cried when we heard and saw the heartbeat at the 8-week ultrasound, and did the genetic testing they recommend for “geriatric pregnancies” (I have a few white hairs, but geriatric?!). We used Mother’s Day as an opportunity to tell our families the great news.
Although I didn’t realize it at the time, I fell into a deep depression following the miscarriage and gained 20 pounds in four months. I didn’t even think about getting pregnant. I assumed it would probably never happen, and certainly not for many months or even a year after all the devastation my body had just endured. THE SECOND TEST Then one morning I stepped on a nail and had to get a tetanus shot. The nurse asked if I might be pregnant and it occurred to me that my period was nearly a week late. My cycle hadn’t fully regulated since the miscarriage, though, so I didn’t think much of it. Until that evening when my fiancé and I went to happy hour and I told him I probably shouldn’t drink on the very remote chance I could be pregnant. He drove me almost immediately to buy a pregnancy test.
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THE LOUDEST SILENCE Two days later, I went to my doctor’s office to discuss an irregular pap smear (totally unrelated to the pregnancy). It was a routine visit. She asked if I’d like hear the heartbeat again before I headed home. Of course I said yes. It was the loudest silence I’ve ever heard.
Panic set in as she tried for 5 minutes to find a heartbeat using the doppler tool. She reassured me that this was common at 10 weeks, and sent me for a quick ultrasound to put my mind at ease. Instead, the ultrasound confirmed the heartbeat had stopped a couple of days earlier.
What happened next was a blur. Getting my fiancé on the phone and saying “we lost the baby” for the first time. Starting an ugly cry that lasted for hours after hearing those words fall from my mouth. Having him help me home and into bed, where I stayed until my d&c surgery two days later. Losing consciousness on the operating table with my baby inside of me and waking up an hour later no longer pregnant. Bleeding for days. Feeling hopeless for weeks.
A second little blue line showed up in a matter of seconds. I went from shocked to excited to terrified to cautiously optimistic...all in a matter of 60 seconds. This time, we handled things differently. I told my mom the next day. I knew if things went badly again, I’d need her love and support. My fiancé, on the other hand, decided not to tell his family until we were “safe” and in the second trimester. He didn’t want to disappoint them again if things didn’t go well. We went to every doctor’s appointment holding our breath, and then breathing a sigh of relief when we learned things were still going smoothly. There were a few minor complications, including him being breech and arriving a month early, but on May 28th, 2016, we welcomed a healthy and beautiful boy into our family.
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Even worse was getting the results of the genetic testing a week later. We learned it was a boy and he had Down’s Syndrome. We had agreed after our testing that we wouldn’t terminate our pregnancy over that diagnosis, so it seemed extra cruel to lose him over something we were ready to deal with head on. I knew as many as 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. I also knew my risk of miscarriage was about twice as high as someone under age 35. Having that knowledge, however, did nothing to prepare me.
I didn’t know I would feel the loss so deeply. I didn’t know I could feel so connected to a baby I’d never met and that was still no bigger than a strawberry. I didn’t know I’d have to either wait for the fetus to (painfully) pass naturally or
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LESSONS IN MOTHERHOOD Being an older mom has taught me a lot. When I began my journey to motherhood two years ago, I felt very alone. I didn’t know any women my age who were having babies. In fact, several of my high school classmates are already grandmothers. It turns out, however, more American women are starting families at older ages than ever before. In 1970, only 5 percent of babies were born to moms over 30, but by 2010 it was up to 25 percent (pregnancy rates for women ages 40 to 44 has also increased steadily in the last 20 years).
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Now that I’ve joined the growing club of 40-plus moms, I’ve discovered definite pros and cons to waiting for baby. The downsides are really all physical: • • •
It’s probably a little tougher to be pregnant when you’re older. You don’t have as much stamina and your body isn’t in peak shape. Bouncing back after giving birth is harder, too. Your metabolism peaks at age 25 and starts a slow, steady decline after. By age 40, it’s not so easy to shed baby weight. Keeping up with a sleepless and energetic child is also more difficult when your body is already weary from advanced age
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I promise there are also some really great things about having a baby later in life. • • •
The older you are, the more likely it is that your pregnancy was intended and not accidental. You wanted your baby and, hopefully, he or she will always feel welcomed and not resented. As you get older, you tend to become more patient. That’s a skill that’s immensely helpful when parenting, which is one of the most stressful jobs anyone will ever have. Finally, you’re smarter at 40 than at 20 (and will keep gaining wisdom). Did your own parents ever say to you, “we didn’t know any better”? Well, hopefully you’ll know better because you have more life experience than they did when they had you.
It took me longer than most women to have a baby, but I believe good things do indeed come to those who wait. Being a mom is better than I could have imagined. Plus, I know I'm giving my son a better life than I ever could have at 25 or even 35. So, if you're considering having a baby at an older age, please know you're not alone and you'll be a kickass mommy! & VOLUME I | 93
POSTCARDS FROM
PHILADELPHIA, PA WORDS & IMAGES BY JULIA DENT
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PENN'S LANDING: The Delaware River separates Philadelphia and New Jersey, and a park called Penn's Landing sits along the river. You can see some pretty neat cargo and military ships sail by, and hammocks and restaurants in old shipping containers pop up in the summer.
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I've lived in Philadelphia for over a year now, and while I’ve explored all over the city, there’s still so much I haven’t seen. There’s something for everyone in Philadelphia, from history to street art to incredible food, and I’m enjoying experiencing everything Philadelphia has to offer.
EASTERN STATE PENITENTIARY: Eastern State Penitentiary is a historic prison resembling a medieval fortress. You can take tours inside, and they even offer haunted tours for Halloween.
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ELFRETH'S ALLEY: On the outskirts of Old City is one of my favorite hidden gems: Elfreth's Alley. It's the oldest residential street in America with cute alleys and gardens. VOLUME I | 97
OLD CITY: Philadelphia is known for being the birthplace of our nation, and you should definitely experience that piece of history during your visit. Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell are the main historical sites, and they’re conveniently located across the street from each other. While you’re in Old City, you can also see Benjamin Franklin’s grave, the Betsy Ross house, Christ Church, and many other incredible historical buildings.
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CITY HALL: City Hall is my favorite building in Philadelphia. During the week, you can climb to the top and get amazing views of the city.
BOATHOUSE ROW: Boathouse Row has sat along the Schuylkill River since 1860 and is still in use for rowing teams today. At night, lights outline the buildings and reflect beautifully in the river.
MAGIC GARDENS: Philadelphia has some pretty incredible art with hundreds of murals around the city and buildings decorated with mosaic tiles. You can take walking tours of the murals, and you can visit Magic Gardens where the walls and floors are covered in all kinds of mosaic tile design
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THE PHILADELPHIA MUSEUM OF ART: You may know the Philadelphia Museum of Art from Rocky running up and down the steps in the first Rocky movie. There's a statue of him that you can pose with outside the beautiful building, and inside houses some of the most amazing art in the world.
NATURE IN PHILADELPHIA: When I first moved to Philadelphia, I was surprised how many trees and flowers were around every corner. There are numerous parks and open spaces, and you can often forget that you're in the middle of the big city.
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THE SCHUYLKILL RIVER TRAIL: A year or two before I moved to Philadelphia, they finished the Schuylkill River Trail, which runs down a few miles along the Schuylkill River with part of it sitting on the water. You can get some amazing views of the city along it. VOLUME I | 101
REGULAR CONTRIBUTORS
FIND OUR CONTRIBUTORS AROUND THE WEB. AMY COOK, Books Wife and soccer mom by day, nerdy bookworm by night. Lover of wine, literature, pie and all things Gone With The Wind. instagram.com/amy1939
ERICA MUSYT, Movies Erica is a 30-something Virginia native who is passionate about family, friends, and the movies! She buys books faster than she reads them, loves ladybugs and all things purple. A movie star at heart, Erica is delighted be a contributor to theAROUND Holl and Lane movie section! FIND OUR to CONTRIBUTORS THE WEB. lookingtothestars.com
REGULAR CONTRIBUTORS
CHELSEA OLIVER, Music Chelsea Oliver is a lover of life in heels, coffee in hand, who runs the marketing department of a credit union by day and makes sassy stationery for her own business by night. Chelsea is an old soul in a power-lifting millennial body. She craves authenticity while loving every filter on Instagram and tweeting in all caps as necessary. chelsealeeoliver.com
NICOLE BEDARD Photographer
Nicole is a Commercial, Editorial and Lifestyle Photographer focusing on Family and Children. She began her photography career in the sports/fitness industry, which has provided her a unique skill set to capture quick playful moments and fun facial expressions of energetic little ones. nicolebedardphotography.com
LINDA JOY NEUFELD Photographer
Linda Joy is a Pacific Northwest native who currently calls Chicago “home”. She is passionate about many things, particularly her husband, creativity, and making memories all over this beautiful earth. When she’s not taking photos, you can find her reading or scribbling away her thoughts on either paper or her blog. lindajoy.weebly.com
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REGULAR CONTRIBUTORS
FIND OUR CONTRIBUTORS AROUND THE WEB. MADELINE MULLENBACH Photographer
Madeline is based in Louisville, Ky and attending school in Lexington, Ky. She has a passion for capturing the candid moments that are given to us in life. She is a lifestyle & landscape photographer experimenting with portraits just recently! She is pursuing a degree in Communications with a double emphasis in PR and Social Media and is excited to see where this takes her! instagram.com/madelinemullenbach
GENESIS GEIGER Photographer
Genesis is a lifestyle and natural light photographer currently roaming Cincinnati, OH. In her work, she is moved by the quiet moments that sometimes go unnoticed, determined to capture the details that can get lost in the excitement, and completely captivated by the love that can be shared among humanity. Through it all, Genesis’ passion is to freeze time and bring people together through her work. genesisgeiger.com
JULIA DENT Photographer
Julia is a Philadelphia based photographer who enjoys black-and-white and travel photography. She explores her new city with her Nikon D60 and Siberian Husky and shoots pictures for her photography blog, Philly with a Fjallraven. She loves adventure and would love to travel the world as a photojournalist for National Geographic one day. thephillyphotoblog.com
RADHIKA & IAN MCDIARMID Photographer
Radhika and Ian are wedding and lifestyle photographers based in Durham, NC.They document the deep connection and powerful work of building marriages, because they believe in the unseen wonder of intentionally crafted relationships. radianphotography.com
JAMIE DEURMEIER Photographer
Jamie is a photographer based out of Portland, Oregon, where her love for outdoor adventures and natural beauty is sufficiently satisfied. She's passionate about creating images that capture the inner strength and beauty of her subjects, and believes that the best sessions are ones in which the subjects can feel both vulnerable and empowered. Her goal is to create an environment that allows for her subjects to encounter and express the bold nature within, and simply be there to capture it. jamiedeurmeier.com VOLUME I | 103
ISSUE CONTRIBUTORS
FIND OUR CONTRIBUTORS AROUND THE WEB. EDITORIAL CONTRIBUTORS ALI GRAY darlingforaweekend.com AMY COOK instagram.com/amy1939 BECKY MOLLENCAMP beckymollenkamp.com
LANCE FLORES lance-flores.squarespace.com LINDSEY BARBARA lindseybarbara.com LIZ LaBROCCA girlandpepper.com MADISON GARRETT
CAMERON DAVIS instagram.com/cameronkaydavis
MIA SUTTON thefigmentwriters.com
CHELSEA OLIVER chelsealeeoliver.com
MICHAEL NEWSTED instagram.com/michaelnewsted
CHRISTINE AMOROSO barenakedinpublic.com
MALLORY JORDAN malloryjordan.com
DEDRA DAVIS dedradaviswrites.com
MONET NICOLE MOUTRIE instagram.com/monetnicolebirths
ERICA MUSYT lookingtothestars.com
RADHIKA & IAN McDIARMID radianphotography.com
ERIN LOECHNER designformankind.com
SAMI ROSS shross.com
HANNAH BJORNDAL
SKYLAR BLACKWELL instagram.com/skylarbwell
HEIDI SIMPSON JANELLE BENDYCKI janellebphotography.com JONATHAN RUGGIERI jeronimocreative.com JULIA DENT thephillyphotoblog.com KAITLYN HERZOG kaitlynherzog.com KASHINDA T. MARCHE twitter.com/KashKash7650 KATIE RICHARDSON instagram.com/katielinnea
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TRINITY MURRAY PHOTO CONTRIBUTORS Cover Photo - GENESIS GEIGER genesisgeiger.com Page 25 - LINDA JOY NEUFELD lindajoy.weebly.com Page 42 & 45 - GENESIS GEIGER genesisgeiger.com Page 58 - GENESIS GEIGER genesisgeiger.com Page 88 - JAMIE DEURMEIER jamiedeurmeier.com
5 QUESTIONS WITH
ERIN LOECHNER THE WOMAN BEHIND THE WILDLY POPULAR BLOG, DESIGN FOR MANKIND IS SMART, SWEET, AND PHENOMENALLY TALENTED. DESIGN FOR MANKIND IS A LOVE STORY TO LIFE. HER EXPERTLY CRAFTED WORDS AND HEARTFELT SENTIMENTS RESONATE WITH READERS ALL OVER THE WORLD. CHASING SLOW, HER NEW BOOK, IS ALL ABOUT HER PATH TO STRENGTH AND LEADING A LIFE CRAFTED AROUND HER PRIORITIES.
1. IF YOU COULD RELIVE ANY MOMENT FROM YOUR PAST, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Childhood bike rides on a summer evening - speeding past rows of fresh-cut lawns, searching for fireflies. Innocence is such a weighty gift. 2. WHAT IS ONE TALENT YOU DON’T HAVE BUT WISH YOU DID? Singing! I'm tone-deaf in the worst way, and I'd always dreamed of humming sweet little lullabies to my children - their eyelashes fluttering closed as they find sleep, captivated by their mother's beautiful voice. Instead, my "lullabies" are stilted and off-key, not unlike the sounds of a soon-dead cow. We're all better off with a short nighttime story instead! 3. WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTERISTIC IN ANOTHER PERSON TO YOU? Empathy. Peering from beyond our own perspective to see the circumstances, struggles and complexities of another is a beautiful, hard-earned skill. 4. WHAT IS ONE MATERIAL THING YOU CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT? A plane ticket. If we're not traveling, adventuring or exploring as a family, we all get a bit itchy and discontented. Once a year, we make plans to jet away. Sometimes, it's in our own backyard. Other times, across the globe! We're never disappointed. 5. WHAT IS TRUE HAPPINESS TO YOU? The losing of myself in something larger. It happens every now and then - the taste of a truth-telling book and a glass of merlot, or the smell of a dark thunderstorm as it hits the hot pavement below. I'll feel it in a story or a song, the swelling reminder that we're big and small all at once. Becoming insignificantly significant --- that is happiness to me.
Erin Loechner’s new book, Chasing Slow: Courage to Journey Off the Beaten Path comes out January 10th! Preorder it now at Amazon or at Barnes & Noble online. Until then, she can be found (almost) daily wrestling through motherhood, faith and kindness at designformankind.com. PHOTO CREDIT MICHAEL NEWSTED
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