Asia's Outrageously Boring Life by Sarah's Scribbles

Saturday, March 23 I can’t believe that of all the things my mom could have given me on my birthday, she chose to give me this. This wretched journal I could have traded with something cooler, like an aircon or a fridge maybe. But seriously though, she knows how bad I am with writing and how my handwriting sucks just as bad. I can’t even spell words correctly without Microsoft auto-correcting my papers for school! I wonder what’s gotten into my mother’s head lately. She’s been very emotional what with my moving to the city for college. She doubts I am responsible and independent enough to be on my own. Harsh, right? But she’ll see. I’ll prove her wrong. I know she means well with getting me this gift and all, but really, how am I supposed to fill these pages with my outrageously boring life? She thinks that since I’m leaving for college, I’m going to have an amazing and super fun life. Not! 1

I have never done this thing before, but I guess you start with writing â&#x20AC;&#x153;dear diaryâ&#x20AC;? right? Well let me say this first.

Dear diary, Brace yourself for the detailed account of my outrageously boring life. Enjoy! Love, Asia

June 4, First Day of Class College is full of shit. Sorry, let me rephrase that. I’ve been having such a bad day and just when I thought it couldn’t possibly turn worse, it did. So here’s what happened to me. I got to school safe and sound; thanks to the kind jeepney driver who dropped me off when I thought the school was still miles away. When I got to my school gate, the guard insisted I show my study load for identification. I didn’t want to, because I dumped it mindlessly in my bag thinking it was something unimportant. And because he insisted, and he looked quite scary with his brows just 0.2 centimeters apart, I gracefully offered him the inside of my bag so he could help me look for it. That’s when I find my school things in the bag spilled with water and food, the freaking study load included. I wanted to cry in embarrassment, students were staring and laughing silently as they passed. The evil guard finally fell sorry and let me go. This was entirely his fault. 3

When I got to my first period class, everyone already had a good seat. I had no choice but to sit by a shabby-looking freshman who looked like she was there by mistake or accident. I forced myself a friendly smile; she just gave me a nod. How friendly. For the rest of the day, I only got to talk to not more than two people – one who politely asked if anyone sat next to me (because he didn’t have any chairs left) and the other just borrowed a pen (and didn’t even say thank you). I can’t imagine surviving the entire semester. For the first time in my life, I haven’t got anyone to talk to. My dorm mates aren’t even very friendly. I don’t want to call mom and tell her she’d been right all along. I considered calling my high school friends and tell them how awful my first day had been, but I didn’t want to hear how great theirs was. All I have is this stupid journal which I wouldn’t even have written if I had anything else to do. There’s no TV and no internet in my dorm. What have I done to deserve such cruel fate on my first day?

I wish I were back home with the TV enjoying at least thirty-six channels of cable. Life would have been perfect. Having the worst day ever, Asia P.S I lost my way home from school. The jeepney driver wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t so kind as the first one to drop me off where I was supposed to get off. He gave me an evil eye and told me (a little harshly) to ride another jeepney back and get lost. I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t give him my fare. I was pretty sure he was cursing when I left.

June 5, Second Day It’s Tuesday. And all I could think of when I woke up this morning was - three more days to go till Friday. I can’t wait. School was okay. Teachers were okay. The unknown strangers in my block were also okay. Even the dog Garbie (short for Garbage) outside our dorm sounded okay. Technically everyone was okay. Everyone but me. Last night when mom called to check, she asked how school went and if I met new friends. I said fine and called my two new-found friends Seth and Pena (for the one who asked for a seat and the other who borrowed a pen). She believed me right away. She had no idea. Oh well, second day wasn’t really as bad as my first. For starters, I didn’t get lost on my way to and from the school. And my block mates did talk to me this time, when we introduced each other in front. Each time I said my name in different classes, I was

asked to explain why I have a continent for a name. I did not mind at first, but when the next five subject teachers did ask the same question, I almost wanted to tell them it was none of their business. Asia was a name given to me out of pure coincidence. I was the youngest, and alas the unplanned one, so when my mother gave birth to me in my 8th month, they really weren’t deciding on a name just yet. They didn’t even know if I was aa boy or girl until I really came out. And when the doctor asks for my name, my silly Tatay who simply lacks creativity, finds a world map tapped in the hospital wall and utters, “Asia.” “Asia, it is.” Then the doctor walks away before Tatay even realizes what he’s done. My mother almost killed him when she found out. But Tatay must have seen something nice about the name Asia because it stuck and it became final when I was registered. I don’t really mind being called a continent. I didn’t know it was a continent until I was in 5th grade. It didn’t really matter to me. When lunch break came, I learned my lesson of not taking oily food in the loose plastic containers to avoid spilling it all over my bag. I wrapped it in 7

another plastic bag and sealed it tight just to be sure. I am a genius. I was used to eating alone, but one of my block mates came to me and told me I could sit with them if I wanted. I said yes without thinking and went to their table without a word. I listened to them talk and it was as if my role there was just to smile and nod in agreement. The girl called Lena said, “Sir Lopez is so hot. I wish he’d break up with his wife right now and marry me.” Everyone laughed at her, and I was like, really? You’d want your powdered copy face anywhere near that walking deodorant? I’m sure Mr. Lopez looked hot when he was our age, maybe 30 years ago. And the baldness! I bet his wife doesn’t buy a lot of shampoo too. Maybe Lena wanted to have a boyfriend who did not worry about shampoo. Anyway as I was thinking about these things and smiling to myself, Lena noticed me and said, “Look I made Asia smile, well that counts for something.” And since then she had always joked around about Sir Lopez’s hotness like we all agreed to her on purpose. Poor oblivious Lena. She doesn’t even notice Sir 8

Lopez’s poor grammar and pronunciation. He was just perfect for her. Among Lena’s circle were Faye, Chess, and Margie. I couldn’t help but notice how thick their lipsticks are and wonder how they could still talk and eat with it on. I’m thinking of doing that topic for my research paper one day, they’d probably love it. I haven’t really told you anything about my dorm room except that it doesn’t have a TV and internet connection. Truth is, it isn’t really that bad. My room is quite big and spacious and I have my own sink, bathroom and little dining table (all in one room!). This is practically a house, a really small house, except that I don’t have anybody to talk to and eat dinner with. It’s just so new to me. I have to admit this now or else I’m never going to say this again. It’s hard to live far away from your parents, far from the comforts of your nice and cozy home. I know this was basically my choice to be here to get good education and prove myself a worthy . . . I don’t know . . . just something I guess. It seems that I wanted to make my relatives see that I can do just as great as my siblings did. I don’t want to think of myself as the black sheep. They say there’s always one 9

in the family. I hope it’s not me. I have a feeling it’ll be Granger, my homosexual cat, named after the smart witch from Harry Potter. Now I miss her already. Technically I miss everybody from my old life. I’m going to sleep; my thoughts are getting too depressing. I warned you this was a boring life.

“Destiny is the bridge we build to the ones we love.” -from the old man in the movie, My Girl (Hollywood version) Is there even such a thing as destiny? I’m not so sure. But let me tell you a story about how my parents met. The enchanting story of how my parents met might as well be considered destiny, if not, then it’s bad luck. My mother lost her mother in high school that led her to her brother’s roof. He sent her to school until she graduated in secondary. To support herself to college, she worked for a company led by a group of foreign folks. This was the company where my father used to work as well. This was how they met. My father worked there as a company driver. When there were important stuffs to be delivered, my mother was obliged to accompany him so as to assure 11

it reaches its destination. Tatay drove him anywhere. Along those drives, they fell in love. I know this sounds so cheesy but I couldn’t help but wonder if this kind of thing would ever happen to me. Not everyone is as lucky as my parents finding their destiny in such an unlikely place.

Wednesday, June 6 I miss the life I had back in my little home town. I miss talking to Rian. Rian is my closest high school friend. She’s basically my best friend but I don’t use that word because that’s for losers. Kidding. I’ve honestly always felt weird towards the cheesy thought of having a best friend, or labeling someone yours. It’s just that I don’t see the point of having to label something that already exists. If it’s real true and honest, then it should be left as it is. No word should define it or change it just when they feel like it, or found someone better. I know my theories are very confusing but hey, I make sense, right? I don’t 12

understand why it’s a big deal to some people, maybe my mind just wasn’t programmed to think that way. So was Rian’s. Heard of the saying “Great minds think alike”? Well, according to our theory, which we formulated back in 8th grade, stupid ones think the same too. Maybe that’s why Rian and I got along pretty well. It’s too bad we didn’t go to the same school now. If we had, we still would have been inseparable. I have to go wash my uniforms now, or else I’d be wearing my awful panty and bra to school tomorrow. I doubt if the guard would feel sorry to me this time.

Thursday night, June 7 You would not believe who just became my friends. Not Lena and her lipstick gang, but Seth (the seatmate) and Pena (the pen borrower) who turns out to be Jacob and Jenna (real names). I knew they were nice people. It just doesn’t show right away. So while I was about to get out of school and head home, Jenna, previously Pena, called out to me and asked if I wanted to go get coffee over the dreadfully hard Math homework. “We could work on it together. Please I really need your help,” she says in a kind and pleading manner. “Okay.” So she gives me her widest grin that surprised me a little, I didn’t know mouths could stretch that wide in a person’s face. But I didn’t tell her that, I tried to give her the same grin too. Then she says, “What’s wrong with your face? Why are you smiling like that?” and I lose the smile instantly so she’d not realize how I thought of her mouth. 14

“Nothing.” And then we headed to the nearest Café Talk to do the homework. Café Talk was a really nice place to study and do homework. People there are mostly quiet and doing a lot of reading too. Books were offered for free reading to any customer. I fell in love with the place at first sight. So this is how we came to be friends with Seth too, now called Jacob. He works there for four hours after school, six days a week. Jenna and I were really surprised to see him there. He looked more like a snob customer than a nice coffee-server. He came to us like we’ve known each other since first day and looked happy to see us there. After his shift, he came to our table to help us with the homework. Jenna and Jacob are really fun to talk with; having a lot more sense that Lena and the gang. We shared a lot of things in common like hate for Sir Lopez, and love for coffee. Anyway I’m just glad I found two people in school who aren’t as self-obsessed as Lena is. If she would only shut up about her hair and Sir Lopez’s hotness, she would have been bearable. But I guess I won’t have to worry about enduring Lena’s rants 15

anymore. Now that I learn how nice Seth and Pena is for being Jenna and Jacob instead.

Saturday, Home at Last  It has been a really long week and I’ve always looked forward to coming home. I can’t even tell my mom how much I miss everything about home, even how the sofa felt and the feel of the remote control in my hands. It’s just unbelievable, how a short period of time could make me miss and love this place better than I ever did. I guess the distance did me some good after all. I missed Tatay too, and his what-used-to-be annoying jokes. I pretended to sound annoyed, but really, I was just enjoying everything nice about being home. This week I was allowed to go home, just to report back everything and comment on how life was living alone. I didn’t tell my mom I bought food all the time because I was too lazy to cook. She thinks I have truly grown independent and responsible now. I 16

almost snorted a laugh at that one. Good thing she didn’t notice. My sister, Beth, obviously missed me and couldn’t stop talking about the latest book she’s read. She’s a volunteer nurse at the town hospital and is set to go abroad in a few months. She asks me about my college experience and I immediately switch the topic back to the book she was reading. She just wouldn’t shut up about it. “Don’t get drunk and pregnant in college, Asia.” she jokes when she recalls her college experience with her “crazy” friends. I didn’t tell her I didn’t have friends to call crazy. Not that my sister got pregnant, but many of her crazy friends did. I bet one of them was like Lena, who is probably the craziest and worst influence to them. Then she surprises me with the news, “I’m going to live there with you two weeks from now.” “Really? Why?” “Yeah, you sound like you don’t want that at all.” “Of course. I couldn’t stand your presence for twenty-four hours! How horrible!” 17

She smacked me hard with her pillow before saying, “We wouldn’t even be together for twentyfour hours, genius. You’re going to school by day, I go to work at night. It’ll be like we don’t live together, like I don’t exist. Happy, now?” “Alright. But why? Don’t you want to be a nurse anymore?” “I do. But I’m saving for studying abroad. You know I don’t want to ask Tatay for money, especially now that I’m a college graduate who doesn’t get paid at work.” Beth really cares about the family. She’s the most sensitive person I have ever known. I didn’t tell her I was excited to be living with her soon. I’ll finally have someone to talk to! That is if we get to see each other at all, considering our twisted schedules and all. But the fact that she’s going to be there, and maybe for the first time in forever, I won’t be alone, that’s more than enough. That afternoon Rian came and we talked the entire time like we haven’t seen each other in years. It feels nice to talk to her like it had just been yesterday when we stalked the same crushes and hated the same persons in high school. 18

Speaking of crushes and hating people, I just learned from Rian that our supposed-soul mate Jorge is dating the queen of bitch drama Mel. Melanie was the exact definition of rude, selfish, cruel and pure evil. You would not believe a person could be a lot of things at the same time. Only Mel could do that. And now she’s tricked Jorge into her lair. Jorge, who had always been the guy who could pull off being a nerd and chick-magnet both at the same time, fell to Mel’s trap. That should not have been possible. Rian also said they both go to the same school and they look serious. Whatever. I didn’t want to care anymore. My life is messy as it is and Jorge and Mel couldn’t add more to the pile of shit my life is collecting. Mom asked Rian to stay for dinner but she insisted on going home. She left with a promise that she’ll bring me to meet her friends and I do the same with mine. I made a mental note to ask Jenna and Jacob if we really were friends just to make sure I don’t get embarrassed if we’re not. Remind me this on Monday, diary.

Now I’m lying on my bed and I’ve never felt so at peace before. I miss even the loud sound of the ceiling fan and the creaking noise of the stairs each time I come up here to be alone. It feels good to be back home.

June 11, Monday Jenna and Jake sat next to me at lunch today. I guess we really are friends now. Thank God they didn’t change their minds over the weekend.

Tuesday, 12 th of June Earlier today at Mrs. Castro’s class in Philippine Lit, we were grouped to perform a play written by Filipino writers. I didn’t get to be grouped with either Jenna or Jacob, which made me a little upset because nobody else in the class treats me as if I exist. I was group three, with Faye as the only person who probably knew me. We all agreed to do Footnote to Youth. Everyone was being assigned roles, and when it came to me, Faye stopped and thought for almost ten seconds. Ten seconds is such a long and awkward time, believe me. She finally says, “Asia, you could be the narrator, so you’ll just have to read the script.” I couldn’t help but suppress a smile. Being timid and silent has its perks after all. The Footnote Narrator, Asia 21

June 13, Wednesday Just when I thought this life could not be so dull after all, I overhear an evil conversation at school today. It was Lena and Faye in the girls’ bathroom. They had no idea I was in one of the cubicles. “You can’t possibly consider Asia for the lead role, she’s too plain!” Lena says in a disgusted tone. I wanted to punch her in the face, if only my stomach felt better. I couldn’t leave my place so I just sat there in silence and hate. “She could talk nicely, besides it’s not the lead role, Lena. She’s the freaking narrator.” My mind goes back to the moment we had our groupings at Mrs. Castro’s class, when Faye, after a long period of pause, finally says, “Asia, you could be the narrator, so you’ll just have to read the script.” And I was grateful for that decision; I didn’t have any quality worthy of a lead role. Clearly, Lena heard of my assigned role and thinks I should not have been given that. What is wrong with this person? 22

“I just think she’s too plain. She’ll make the play dull and boring.” The perfect, extraordinary and amazing Lena says, and I wanted to cry at the sad truth she’s saying. “Maybe. But we haven’t got much choice. If she takes a role in the scene, that could be a lot harder for us.” Then they left the bathroom just as I flushed the bowl and went out. I couldn’t help myself, I was crying like a little bullied baby. When I went home to dorm that day, all I could think of was how perfect Lena’s life must have been for calling me so dull. I tried to push the thoughts away and listen to music as I washed my uniforms. I was crying at the middle of the song. It went,

Just keep believing You’ll see a new season soon You’re turning into Something amazing Baby you were born to bloom Now I’ve done my homework and I’m too tired to think of the evil Lena. I just couldn’t keep my mind from thinking about how normal my life is. 23

I wish I could consider myself anywhere close to a heroine in a romantically amazing story. But you know, things don’t work that way. Have you heard people complain about wanting a normal life? Well, here’s what I want to say to them. Being normal, believe me, is beyond boring. I’m too normal. Do you know what my school is called? It’s called Cebu Normal University. How could you expect me to turn something innately normal into extraordinary? How can I be anywhere close to being special when I barely even pass for nice? I’m not weird, and I know I’m not pretty also. Sometimes, I find myself wishing I was both. Pretty and weird, I mean. I’m sure the pretty weird girl makes a good character in a story; but I’m neither both. They say it’s all a matter of perspective, and how you look at yourself, but no matter how I try to ignore it, reality sweeps me off my feet and throws me back to where I truly belong. Just like what Lena did earlier. I was happy enough to ignore my mediocre performance in school and unfriendly block mates, I was okay with thinking that I could survive this college nightmare. But then she comes with her 24

pitch fork and horns and tails and she leads me back to some place she knows I’ll always be miserable. I wish I was someone cooler, like Rian or Jenna maybe. I swear it isn’t life that sucks this time, I do.

Thursday, June 14 My sister just called. She was to come to the dorm a week earlier. She just wanted me to know. I didn’t know if I should feel happy and relieved at her news. I can’t just stop feeling the negative aura surrounding me and having Beth come would probably not lessen it, she would most likely feel the negativity too and leave me.

Friday, June 15 Today we practiced the play and I read the lines as dull as I possibly could. Faye eyes me suspiciously and came to talk to me alone. “What’s wrong with you? You’re supposed to narrate, not lead the novena on somebody’s wake.” “Maybe somebody else could do this better.” I told her, and I went to get my back and left them. On the next period, Margie comes up to me to ask me politely to do my role. I was surprised at her kindness. It was something new to me. Here I was acting all stupid and dumb and she goes to lengths and tells me I could do it if I wanted to. I said yes. And Jacob gives me a smile as Margie left. Jenna says, “You know, I don’t think I’ll ever understand Lena and her gang.” Jacob asks what Jenna meant. And she goes on saying, “One moment they’re all bitchy and next 26

thing one tries to be angelic nice and it’s just weird and confusing.” I gave her a nod in agreement. I thought they were pretty weird too. But I didn’t tell them I actually think what makes the gang evil was solely Lena. And I give them a weak smile before saying, “Maybe it’s because of the tides or something.” And when their faces looked even more confused, I said “Never mind.” Poor city folks, they don’t even have any idea how the tides supposedly affect our lives, or the moon’s phase at least. The only good thing about today was our little group study at Café Talk. Jacob bought us a free leche flan and we wiped the entire plate clean. It was the best tasting dessert the café has so far.

Saturday, June 16 I’m spending my weekend in this godforsaken dorm with a bad throat and aching head. This is entirely the leche flan’s fault.

I just wish my mom were here. I am so not feeling well and I can do nothing about it. Beth was supposed to arrive at ten today, but it’s almost three and still no sign of her. I did nothing all day and just played solitaire on my phone. For the record, I now have 54 wins and 26 losses – not too bad for a minor, if you ask me – and I’m still planning to at least make it to 80 or 75, like the passing grade back in high school. Jacob lent me movies to watch and I look forward to watching the following:  Big Miracle – starring Drew Barrymore and some cute guy I’m dying to find out  Mirror, Mirror – I don’t know if this is any good, but the fact that Julia Roberts is the evil queen, and a cute pixie-like lady is Snow (instead of Bella!) makes it very interesting  Thor – I didn’t want to see this, but Jacob insisted I try and judge afterwards. If the hero didn’t look so hot I wouldn’t have accepted it, and would have reasoned with Jake about how anti-feminist Marvel heroes are, and that would probably take forever, because Jake can argue when he wants to. 28

The only sad thing about these movies is that I don’t have any TV or DVD player I could use, which makes me a total idiot for even borrowing all these from Jacob. Time check: it’s 3:38 and no Bethany still. Where is she?

Saturday still, almost midnight I’m so happy Beth’s here. And guess who came with her? My mama and tatay too. They’re all here and they brought me a portable DVD player! I’m so excited I couldn’t wait to watch the movies. They’re all asleep now and I’m wide awake writing in this journal. You should’ve seen mama’s face when she saw me writing when she came. She says, “You’re using it!” sounding surprised and happy. I wanted to take back everything I said about having a horrible gift for my birthday, because this notebook had probably more use to me than some cool fridge or nice book. It’s nice to be with family when you’re all cuddled up together without a choice. My bed was 29

average-sized, and the sleeping mats weren’t big enough to fit us all. In the end, tatay was forced to sleep on the mat while Beth, mom and I stayed on my bed. Tatay snores loudly every now and then. I’m feeling a little drowsy now. Besides I didn’t have anything interesting to write so that’s it. Good night diary. The snores are getting louder each time. I wonder if my dorm mates could hear this from their side?

Monday on the 18 th It has been a fun weekend. We went to church, all of us, yesterday and guess who we met by accident?

Just Lena and two other adults she was with, her parents probably. She gives me a fake smile and I return it to her. All throughout the service, I kept checking on her and waiting for her to burn alive. How could someone so evil be allowed to get in this place? Canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t everybody see the horns behind her bangs and the tail she hides beneath her skirt? I was sure for one second that she flinched at the name of Jesus. Maybe my theories are right after all. The rest of the day was a blur, but I enjoyed every bit of it. I even forgot for one moment about hating Lena. Being with people youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re most comfortable with is just pure delight. But Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m too lazy to write about the details. Maybe later. 31

Anyway, this morning as I was about to return Mirror Mirror to Jacob who sat blankly in his seat, I notice Lena giving me her evil eye. I wonder what I did this time. How could she hate me so much? I’m not sure if she hates me better than I do, but I try not to mind. It’s a complete waste of time. I have to get to my homework. Bye for now.

Tuesday – June 19 I just woke up and had the strangest dream. I’m writing them here now so I would not forget what happened like I always do. Here it goes. I was in a strange place. The water was unbelievably blue and serene. The magnificent sand underneath can be seen, and water creatures roam freely beneath the unruffled waters. A few feet away lay a couple of beautifullooking cliffs that looked like small islands. I swear I was with someone I couldn’t exactly remember who, but a minute later we heard gurgling noises from afar. Our eyes searched the seas and found a dozen of motorboats heading our way. We looked around 32

and found people from the beach making loud noises as they greeted the incomers. I went to join them and asked one of my companions who they were. Apparently they’re some sort of celebrity wherever they came from. And as I turned to leave, this was how it gets even stranger because I was suddenly carrying a cute baby girl fast asleep in my arms. I carried her and gently settled her into my bed downstairs. I have no idea how we got to my house but next thing I knew, when I went out of the room, it was already night time. The memory seem very obscure, but I remember gliding through corridors. I was also well aware that it lead through the famous place called Hell, Lena’s home. But then I reached what I thought was a dead end was actually a large empty pit about fifty feet deep. I couldn’t figure out a way to get past it so I could get to the next corridor at least thirty feet away from where I stood. There weren’t any stairs or even rocks that I could hold on to if I went down and climbed back up again. Suddenly this courage possessed me and next thing I knew, I was holding this broomstick and a part of me told me to fly and use it. I mounted the broomstick and tried to jump. Unfortunately, instead of flying, I began to fall, 50 feet deep in the dark 33

scary pit. There I was thinking it was definitely the end of me, but as the broom’s tip reached the depths of the pit it surprisingly bounces back and I flew 60 feet higher. Grabbing at the open door that led through another corridor, I leaped and found myself smiling in amazement. It was cool. I woke up to the sound of my crazy fast heartbeat. It felt so real I tried to convince myself it really wasn’t. But that’s all I could remember. What came next was just a confusing blur. Now that I think about it, calling the dream strange was an understatement.

Tuesday afternoon @ Admin building

I told Jake and Jenna about my dream, and they just looked at me like I was mental. I have to say, this has been a really long day. I mean, it’s not enough that I’d have to spend three hours “squatting” on PE today, and now I’d have to wait another three hours till my next period. It sure sucks to be a pathetic loser.

Thursday afternoon Here at the school canteen with Jenna. Today was not good, if not worse. But at least mom would be here tomorrow, and that means, cleaning time for both me and Beth. OMG a cat just passed our table and looked so much like Granger! I miss her already  I miss my cat Granger. He or she will be turning three this November. Granger’s gender is yet to be argued upon. If I had known from the start that she really is a boy, I would 35

have called her Garfield. But since she acts like a girl, the name just fit her right. She eats at least five times a day and poops behind our fridge at dawn when no one is awake. Here is a picture of how she looks like:

Isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t she adorable? She even snores when she sleeps. No cat in this universe is ever like her.

7:47 pm @ dorm room 36

Funny thing that happened today, while we were having a break at the school canteen, one of the juniors who looked really cute smiled at us. At us, Jenna and I. Or maybe he was just smiling at Jenna, but I didn’t care. He was so damn cute. And Jenna was like, “I think I’m going to die.” Jacob, who was sitting opposite us, didn’t see the smile, so he says, “I’m pretty sure he wasn’t looking at both of you, he has friends behind our table.” And we both turned to see who they were, but they’re definitely juniors too. I felt bad about smiling back. He’d probably thought of us now as complete smiling idiots. I didn’t even know his name. Then I receive this text from Jenna just now and it says, “I don’t believe Jacob. He’s just crazy insecure LOL. BTW, his name is Prince.” Oh my God. The name just fit him right. Could this Prince possibly be my long lost prince charming? I’m having wishful thinking now. It’s nice to finally have a college crush.

Friday, 5:59 am at dorm 37

I woke up at four and started to tidy things up before mom comes. She will be arriving around seven, according to her text. So that gave me less than three hours to get everything clean and in order. God knows she can be really scary when it comes to cleaning and stuff. I think I did a pretty good job, what with the bed-fixing and sweeping and new arrangements, I’m feeling a little confident about it. I just did my homework in Bio Sci and I still have to read an entire chapter of Logic. College can be really stressful, if you ask me. I’m not feeling so lonely anymore. Although Beth and I rarely even meet at one room, I could say I’d pretty much gotten used to the silence and peace in the dorm. The past few nights I kept on complaining about how boring it is to not have someone to talk to (this is exactly the reason why I endured this journal) but then I realized there is a really better and stress-free exercise, and that is sleeping. I can at least not think about it and just try to shut down everything in my system so I could rest. I watched the season five series of Glee today and I’m missing high school even more. 38

When I was younger, I pictured myself entering the TV screen and being magically thrust into the movie’s scene or situation, like the 80’s movie “Fat Albert”. But then, out of curiosity, I peeked into the back portion of our television and found out there isn’t any magical world I could possibly enter since all I’ve seen were wires. Lots and lots of wires. That ended my TV fantasy and I had no choice but to continue living in this cruel world which can never be as good as the world is in the movies. I was 5 then. Oh my God it’s already 6:30 and I’m still here, writing in this epic journal like it was a homework to be submitted on the next subject. I am so going to be late. I am so going to be dead.

Sunday, 1 st of July 39

I’m really grateful I have Jenna and Jacob for friends now. They’re unbelievably funny and dorky. We get along just fine. Jenna’s really smart, but she doesn’t show it off like other smarty-pants do. She’s also tall, and lean, and she wears braces. But I think she looks pretty when she doesn’t smile too much. Her mouth is probably one of the rarest in mankind capable of stretching that wide, next to Steven Tyler and Julia Roberts. But when she does make a joke, like yesterday when Sir Lopez gave us tons of homework to do, his head looked so shiny and oily (hair absence, of course), and Jenna whispers to my seat, “Look Asia, I could read the future using this crystal ball. Tomorrow you’ll be so busy doing the piled loads of homework shit.” And her hands were lifted towards the giant bulging head of the unsuspecting Sir Lopez, just a few feet away writing notes on the board. Jacob and I just laughed so loud everybody stared at us. Sir Lopez asked, “What’s so funny, Asia?” But Jenna says, “Nothing, sir. We were just talking about the future.” And I snorted at that, unable to contain myself. 40

“Go talk about your future when you’re out of my class. This is Basic Math, not basic future discussion.” And we kept our faces straight the entire time and laughed so hard when we went out. Poor Sir Lopez, he just had no idea. Jacob’s smart also, but he never really raises a hand on class discussions and so the teachers think he’s not. But when we talk to him, just us three, he really does have sense, better than us maybe. Plus he does almost eighty percent of our homework, explaining us the confusing things (mostly to the genius me) like a tutor. Thank God for blessing me with smart friends.

HOMEWORK:

Structures in English – write a composition about anything but observe perfect usage of grammar, due Tuesday, 12:00 – 1:30 Basic Math – copy missed notes from Jenna; prepare for check-up test on rational numbers Dev’tl Reading – read and answer chapter 1 Psychology – write a two-week journal Filipino – bring index cards on Monday Logic – exam on Tuesday! Nat. Sci – bring periodic table next meeting I feel like the pressure is just getting started. Now I have to get back to work.

Sunday, 9:54 pm 42

I don’t know what to say, but I’ve just made up my mind and decided to support greenpeace for the rest of my life. It’s just so cool to go and live in Alaska or Iceland and not think about anything but save those poor trapped whales who didn’t have strength enough to break through the ice themselves. I mean, the teaching career is still there (in my messed-up mind) but why not teach people about how important whales are? And how the act of smoking does not just affect them but the rest of us too! I’ve had my cough for almost two weeks and I’ve had my medicines and I still can’t get rid of it. This is because people who care the least about air pollution obviously do not give a damn about those whales either! I have no idea why they’re connected but I choose to believe they are somehow. Whatever. The thing is, Beth and I just finished watching the movie “The Big Miracle” and I was so sure that was my wake up call. It was like I had finally found what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, and that is to be the voice of the tortured and harassed ECOSYSTEM! I am so going to be the next whale-hero whether they like it or not. 43

But then Beth says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Or you could be the next whale in the movie too.â&#x20AC;? I hate her.

Things to Do: Buy small notebook for fake journal Research more about art and greenpeace Buy napkins and wipes Meet Jenna and Jake at 3 pm Call parents and say hi

Monday night, alone again, naturally 44

I’ve never felt so alone. I’m so tired with homework and I’ve no one to talk to because Beth went home for a day off. Now I keep recalling memories and it just makes me feel worse. TOP 5 EMBARRASSING MOMENTS IN HS: 1. We were playing this hand game and just when I finished saying my line, I fart, loud enough to be heard by everyone. Since then they’d tease me Farting Asia. It was mean. 2. I went to school without knowing my zipper was left undone. When I was about to enter the class, John (who was a super cute guy by the way) was by the door and told me about it. I was sure my face was redder than Lena’s lipstick now. It wouldn’t have been so embarrassing if I’d worn nice panties that day. I wanted the earth to swallow me whole when he told me. 3. When I’d mistaken my teacher’s abnormally enormous tummy for a baby bump. I was all bubbly and happy that day and we were talking in the cafeteria while ordering food. Rian told me Ms. Sanchez is actually now a Mrs. Yap. And we congratulated her and I added my congratulations on the coming baby. Then she 45

just stares at me, then at her big tummy, and says, “Are you trying to make fun of me, Asia?” And I immediately say, “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. I was just thinking you deserve a baby now that you’re married.” And she walks away looking offended. I was so stupid I wanted to punch myself in the face. Rian just laughed at me. Since then Mrs. Yap had always hated me and my stupid mouth. 4. I slipped and fell a lot in high school. I couldn’t exactly enumerate all but I’m pretty sure each one was just as humiliating as the other. I don’t do well in PE and sports. 5. In freshman year, when asked to introduce each other in front, I forgot my partner’s name when I was supposed to tell everyone who she was. That partner was actually Rian, and she almost wanted to punch me in the face after that. Good thing she pretended she forgot my name too, like we had planned it all along. That’s how we became friends. Now I feel even worse. Why is this such a lonely world?

Monday still before midnight As I was about to sleep, my phone vibrates and I saw it was a text from Jacob. Jake: Hey, you still up?

I’m not sure if this was a group message or not but I replied: Yes. Why? Jake: I have a friend who’s looking for books he could rent. What do you think?

Books? Rent? Extra money?! Hell yeah! Me: Sure! What book? I’ve only got less than twenty here, the others I left at my town. Jake: I’m not sure. But he’s just really bored. Just bring five of them tomorrow and we’ll see. Me: He goes to our school?! Who is that friend? I didn’t know you had other friends! Jake: No, he goes to another college. Just bring the books tomorrow, Asia. Me: Okay. BTW, I watched Big Miracle the other day, and I swear I’m going to Iceland one day to save more whales. Jake: Ha! That is if there’s still ice by the time you get there. Me: What do you mean?

Jake: The ices on Poles are melting, genius. Do you even watch the news? Me: I don’t. Haha Jake: Well, you should. Me: I know. Except that I don’t have a TV. LOL Jake: Then how did you get to watch BIG MIRACLE?! Me: I’ve got superpowers to read the contents of the CD by just staring at them. Jake: Me: HAHA I have this small portable player okay Jake: That would have been a cool power. Me: Yeah? What’s yours? Jake: Reading minds. Me: Yeah right. Read mine right now, Edward. Jake: My power doesn’t work through technology, genius. It has to be personal. Me: I’ll see you tomorrow then. Jake: Yeah you will. Me: Can’t wait, Professor X

Then I was thinking about how cool it’d be if we had powers like the mutants in X-men. I would have loved to be Mystique, so I could be whoever I want to be. Then Jenna could be Storm or Jane, and Jacob 48

Professor X. Except that Jacobs got pretty much a lot of hair than the old Professor X, the younger one then. James McAvoy, the young Professor X, was actually my supposed soul mate. If I hadn’t known he’d turn out to be bald and a wheel-chaired old man one day, I’d definitely marry him. Too bad he turns out to be just that. I just thought, if Sir Lopez were in a wheelchair, he’d probably look like the old professor X. I wonder if Lena would still have liked him.

I have just watched the sound of music. And since I’m feeling sad, I have to remember my favorite things so I won’t feel so bad. These are a few of my favorite things right here:

 Books  Movies  Coffee  Trees  Seawater  Photography  Landscapes  Slid and Donkey (the most adorable cartoon characters)  Music  Gray Clouds  Big Dark Waves

And now I don’t feel so bad! *singing tone

Tuesday, July 10 at 9:43 pm Beth had just left for work and I’m alone again, naturally. Today at school I brought an abnormally large bag to fit in the books Jacob asked me to bring. When I entered class, Lena comments on me by saying, “Looks like someone had been thrown out of their home today.” And her friends laughed like it was so funny. It wasn’t. Jenna and Jacob were there when I got to my seat, and Jenna says, “Don’t mind them.” I didn’t. It was just the same evil Lena. I’d pretty much gotten used to her picking on everyone else like it was so funny. “I’m reading your mind now.” Jacob said and I looked up at him to see him smiling. “I almost forgot about that. What am I thinking then?” I asked him. Then Jenna says, “Am I missing something? What are you saying about reading minds, Jake?” 51

“Jacob could read minds. That’s his superpower. What’s yours, Jenna?” I said, half-amused at what I was saying. “You know you sound like a ten-year old, right? But whatever. Go on, read our minds Jake.” Jake straightened his face before saying, “You’re head is filled with jealousy because you don’t have powers like we do.” I laughed at that one. Jenna looked a little annoyed. “Nice. I had always wanted to become a mutant freak. What’s your power, Asia?” And then as I was about to make up one cool super power out of me, but Jake says, “She reads CDs with her eyes.” And they both laughed so hard they had tears in their eyes. Nice friends, really. It turns out Jacob’s friend was a rich kid who goes to a private university in the city. He paid me 300 pesos for all five books. And they were just lent. I didn’t see him of course, Jacob got the books and he said they’d be returned in 3 weeks. It was fine by me, just as long as it gets returned. 52

To Do Things: Buy new book with new-earned money Clean nails, both fingers and toes, they’re ew Fix bed before leaving school, or else Beth would fess up about it again Wash uniforms

7:25 pm, Thursday So many things have happened. I just learned about the news. Jorge, our supposed-high school soul mate, got Mel pregnant. They’re living together now. I saw them at the mall yesterday. I was with Beth looking for the latest series of Game of Thrones when I catch a very familiar eye and then she smiles at me. It was Mel. We were classmates in high school, but she’s grown very adult-looking and mature since the last time I saw her. I couldn’t help but notice her baby bump. I couldn’t believe it at first. She smiles at me weakly and tells me this good news. 53

“So, it’s Jorge, then?” I asked and she nodded. It was heart breaking. But I was mostly sorry for her and him. They’re going to be parents at such an early age, that’s going to be tough. Beth came to us and we parted with hugs and smiles. I couldn’t even remember why I hated her before. I was just thinking about how hard it must be for her, to run away from her family and keep the baby. She invited me to their wedding. I wanted to say no but I couldn’t. She says it’s nowhere soon because she’s barely eighteen. Mel just turned seventeen last May. When she left, Beth kept asking who made her pregnant, and if she knew the guy. She did. Jorge was one famous person in town. Now they’re going to be extra famous for what they’d done. So when we got home, I immediately looked for my phone to text Rian and tell her about the news. I wasn’t planning on telling everyone about Mel’s pregnancy, just Rian - because we both used to hate Mel, and love the father of the child she’s carrying. Now I just don’t know how I should feel about them. I guess I don’t really mind that much.

But I couldn’t find my phone anywhere. Beth and I looked everywhere, we even cleaned the stuffs under our beds, but still no sign of it. Beth says, “Are you sure you didn’t bring it with you at the mall?” “I don’t know I can’t remember.” But then suddenly I did. I brought the phone with me, it was on my pocket. I must have dropped it or someone must have taken it and I didn’t know. I am so dead. I feel so bad about losing it. It’s not like we have a lot of money to buy another phone when we lose one. Mama would definitely fuss. And I miss it now. I have just personalized it, and the pictures there! There’s every bit of memory there from high school and I lost it. I feel like a part of me was snatched away. I don’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell mom and I asked Beth not to.

Friday, July 13 Mama wasn’t so angry after all. She just said these exact words to my face, “You are so much like your father.” And tatay was there, listening on the other end of the phone. Beth bought me a new one, because it’s her payday and she says I really need one so I wouldn’t keep bothering her about texting Rian, Jenna and Jake. It’s a very simple model actually, not expensive at all. But I was grateful enough for Beth because she rarely even treats me if she knows I still have money, but she thought of buying me this to use. Beth is leaving for Canada in a week. She’s just resigned from her call center job and is set to leave on the 14th. I’d probably miss her. I’m not sure.

One week later Beth just left. I cried so hard when I got home. I miss her already.

Tatay, mama and I went to the airport to bid her goodbye. It was devastating, to see your only sibling go somewhere far and that you won’t get to see her for long. She’s set to work and study there for eighteen months. I wish I could go to Canada too. I can’t believe I’ve completely ignored this journal for the last seven days! This is due to a very compelling and impossibly unavoidable disorder – laziness. It’s very powerful, believe me. Jenna invented it. Guess who I’m sharing the dorm room now with? That’s right, the one and only Jenna. She moved here the second my sister started packing her things in this big brown baggage. Her old apartment was, according to her, full of rats and cockroaches that come alive at night. She says she 57

could hear them everywhere. I couldn’t possibly imagine myself staying in the place for more than seven weeks! Jenna’s been a good influence. I don’t know what’s up with us, but we’ve spent the last four hours studying for midterms, and I’m still not sure if I’d do well tomorrow. Plus, I’ve lost my new pen, and this one I’m using has only a quarter of millimeter of ink left. I am so doomed. Sometimes, some risks are just worth it. Four more days to go and I’ll be home, waking up with this sunshine on my face and enjoying the good food and good life there. I can hardly write in excitement. I mean, why does it have to take so long? It feels like an eternity, waiting for good days like that – but it would last only a short period of time before time comes sweeping us off our feet again and remind us of its horrible nature. You know, it’s a good thing I’m practicing metaphors and figures of speech stuff here when I’m about to answer a lot of them tomorrow. And I can’t even identify them right! Oh time, I dread the surprise you have for me tomorrow! (Allusion, right?) 58

Okay, back to studying. Jenna just said I should let her copy my answers for the test tomorrow. Ha! If she only knew how my answers could mean her downfall. I just gave her my Jenna-smile, the one that stretched to both my ears. She smiles back the same way.

Homework: Dev’tl Reading – term paper about Moral Development Math – solve exercises 11, 13, 14, and 16 in work book

1:38 pm at 3 rd floor LIB Here in the library for study period. But instead of studying, I found this interesting book called “Philippine Myths” and read a few stories from it out of boredom. Here’s what I learned from reading that book: 1. All ancient farmers wait for an innocent gorgeous star to fall down from the sky. 2. When they happen to find one, they marry these creatures like it was handed over to them by the universe as a gift 3. The supposed-stars-turned-into-girls are almost always nude. 4. The farmer or hot-looking wild hunters find them in very peculiar places 5. And they share passionate romantic love away from the harsh judging eyes of the public, or neighbors in some cases. It sure is odd. But if I ever fall from the sky and with any luck finds Chris Hemsworth waking me, I would definitely be the one asking, will you marry me? After 60

all, we can’t possibly have many Chris Hemsworths here on earth, right? Too bad he’s already married. I have just finished writing my term paper and I’m so proud of it. Here’s a copy of what I’ve written. I just don’t want to lose these thoughts somehow, so I’m posting it here. Here you go. A Reason behind a Choice

One of the hardest questions to ask in life is about what choice to make. But we can never deny the fact that every decision comes with certain reasons behind it. We could either make a right or wrong decision, but we will always differ when it comes to the motives we hide behind our actions. For the previous months, I have my teacher to thank for a memorable impression regarding morality. There was a certain theory that specifically focuses not on how we make choices but on why we make that choice. It created such impact on my part that made me question if choices really matter as much as reasons behind it do. Life, after all, is filled with countless chances. And I had to take mine (my chances) when I decided to leave home for education. All my life I have wanted to know how it would feel to live independently and away from the warm comforts of a home. It used to give me an exciting feeling – the

thought of living away from my hometown and staying in the big, busy city by myself. Yet here I am now, struggling with the independence I used to dream about. If I had only known back then how much I had to lose to gain this opportunity, I never would’ve dreamt of such independence at all. Back then I was given the freedom to decide for myself which path I’d like to follow. I debated against myself about which option to take, finding whatever reason strong enough to cover my desire of experiencing something new. I may have dreamt of getting a good education to make my parents proud, but I knew it wasn’t only that which motivated me to pursue this degree. My desire for independence got the best of me and although I could not necessarily consider this a wrong choice, it was however for the wrong reason. It isn’t really our choices that define who we truly are, because when we hide an ulterior motive behind a good choice, we are not just fooling the people around us but ourselves really. The fact about this theory in morality is that it happens to everybody, maybe not the same way it did to me, but even in the simplest of things that normally happen every day. We may be blessed with countless of options we can choose from, but let us keep in mind that there’s a whole lot to consider in making that choice. Our choices may count, but the reasons behind those choices are what matters. I hope to keep this in mind for the years to come, because I don’t want to decide for the wrong reason ever again.

- Asia de la Cruz

Wednesday night, at dorm room Midterm is almost over. Jacob had just invited us to go to a concert this Friday to celebrate and lose the post-midterm stress. Jenna immediately said yes but I wasn’t so sure because I was planning to go home the day I finish the test. “You could still go home on Saturday morning.” Jenna convinced. And then Jake says, “Yeah, we’ll make sure you get home early morning.” I finally said yes. I didn’t even know which band was having the concert. Jacob bought us three the tickets for free. He’s a nice person.

Friday night This was a wonderful experience. I don’t regret any second of it. All thanks to Jacob and Jenna for convincing me to come. Here’s the copy of the ticket at Planetshakers’ concert.

I haven’t even heard of the band not until tonight. But they were really, really good. I loved their songs and the concert itself was very, I don’t know which word would fit best but it was definitely amazing. This was a really great way of ending a stressful week filled with project-making and school stuff. By the end of the concert, I did not just fall in love with the experience but also with the lead 64

vocalist. HAHA. He was really cute and had this amazing voice I’d never grow tired of listening. The best part about the concert was that it kind of brought me closer to God in a different way. I feel like I’ve completely shun Him out of my life and He was just there waiting for me to get back to Him. The Planetshakers was a Christian band, and they said at the start of the concert, “We didn’t come here to promote ourselves. We came here to worship God with music, and with you guys.” It was very nice of them to even think that way. I didn’t know those kind of people still existed. I now pray to God about one thing – and that I’d get to meet the lead vocalist one day. Look how crazy I am, I don’t even know his name and all but I’ve just considered myself helplessly in love. And who says God doesn’t have a humor? I also believe He can still work miracles these days. Oh God please let me meet that vocalist again. Someday, maybe? I don’t care how long. Just please. The desperate & obsessed psychopath, Asia 65

Sunday, 12:17 am at bedroom downstairs I’ve been thinking a lot these days. I thought of making a list of things I should do before I die. It’s not like those typical sentimental stuff people do like the “You-Only-Live-Once” façade these days. No, I wasn’t thinking about that stuff. It’s probably more like wanting to make a good story out of my unexciting life. Okay, so here it goes. One day, when I’d finally meet my Creator face to face, He’d probably ask, “What have you done in your short stay on earth?” I most definitely anticipate that question, and so to prepare for that moment, I’ll write a list of things I intend to do and show it to Him that day He asks for it. And I’m so looking forward to have these boxes checked, at least before I turn 60 or too old to climb the Mt. Everest for example. I won’t be completing the list in one entry because I’ll have to think about it very, very seriously. In the mean time, here’s what I have in mind. 66

THINGS TO ACCOMPLISH LEAVING EARTH:

BEFORE

 Marry the lead vocalist of Planetshakers  Plant or grow at least five trees of any kind  Write a death letter or last words just to scare people on my wake  Go to at least ten islands in the Philippines  Climb a really high mountain  Meet at least five celebrities and hand shake them  Build a tree house at the back of our house  Get at least five different kinds of pet all at the same time This is not a complete list. I will finish this sooner or later. I’m really glad I came up with this genius idea. It gives me reason to do better and live better as I appreciate and love this life I’m blessed with.

Tuesday, back to solitary confinement I have a theory. Actually I have tons of theories my sister always called nonsense. But they pretty much made sense to me, at least. The first theory is what I call the Passivity Theory. This happens when I switch to my “passive mode”. Just recently I did. Have I never told you about the passive mode? This is also known as the not-thinking-just-existing mode. This mode is very helpful especially when you’re so stressed with stress that you think you can’t be more stressed than you already are but then it gets worse. That’s when it’s best to switch to the passive mode, so you don’t worry about stress anymore! The mind is a tricky monster. He makes you believe that the only way out of a problem is by solving it, and then he gets you really tired and stressed with all the thinking that only he benefits from. I believe there is this shutdown button somewhere in your mind that makes you not think about bad things so you’re unbounded from those 68

things you consider problems. This shutdown button is not the thought of killing yourself, I am very prolife, I just want to make that clear. Anyway, this button is called “Passivity” wherein you could just not think about the things that bother you and let it happen as it is. This could be a bad or good thing but so far it has worked well with me. The second theory I am about to discuss is a little debatable. This is called I forgot what it was about – will get back to this later  Resident theorist, Asia

8: 14 pm, Monday at dorm room The days that passed have somewhat resembled a blur. I was too lazy to think about everything so I decided to let it happen as it is. The midterm grades have just come up, I didn’t do well, but I wasn’t bad either. I’ll forever be mediocre, that’s for sure. But really, I feel a little bad about not doing so well after a lot of hours of studying. It feels like all my previous hard work did not pay off. All for nothing. I’m deciding to be over it already. I’m not the kind of person who would rather dwell in so much misery and thus hurt myself in the process. I’d rather not think about it, exactly why I’m in my passive state. I have read this short story from a book called “The Secrets of Life” by Max Lucado, and it’s about the Wemmicks which are wooden people. Don’t worry I’m not going to bore you with the entire story. 70

It was just that the story meant a lot of wonderful things worth remembering. I definitely love to keep in mind wonderful thoughts that cheer me up. Here’s my favorite part of the story: The carver said to his creation: The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about the stickers.

I know it’s confusing. But if you’ve read the entire story, you’ll find that what the carver says actually makes sense. It was such a great story. I can’t wait to tell Jenna and Jacob about it.

Tuesday, one week before finals Hello there diary. I just remembered you exist. Sorry. I know I haven’t written for the entire half semester. It was the school’s fault. I was too busy trying to make a good student out of me. Jenna says hi. She’s still here with me and we’ve only grown closer over the months. She and Rian even met a few weeks ago and they got along pretty well too. This is purely out of nowhere, but sometimes, I mistake stones for people’s shoes. I immediately say sorry the moment I step on it, and feel like a complete idiot after realizing it’s just some stone. I don’t know what’s with me but maybe I really feel for inanimate objects, like I was once like that from another lifetime. It’s not my fault I have a pretty boring life. I often wish mine was like that in the movies, with a prince charming, evil stepsisters, maybe even a sparkling vampire, or a talking donkey. Mine is just plain dull and boring. How pathetic. 72

Something has been bothering me lately. I’ve been thinking about what a famous celebrity said about a particular social network and I totally disagree with her. I just hate to think that considering her influence with mass media, he shouldn’t be saying things like that. It’s just that people today are mindless (never mind the mean word) organisms trying to figure out a way of not being left out – generally this is considerable if you think about it. But why should it be so important? I mean, why the hell should we care so much about the latest trend or the newest thing? Why is that even an issue? I can’t seem to put my finger on it, it just doesn’t make sense. I swear I thank God I have a rational mind and it functions the way I want it to, at least right now. A few minutes ago I was thinking of posting to this particular social network about what I had in mind just to see if many would agree with me. But then I thought; I’ll be no different than those people, and that makes me a mindless organism too. So no, I did what my reasonable mind told me and chose to write it down here and vent all my frustrations on the human race towards a nonexistent diary. Either I’m being rational right now or 73

just plain crazy. The latter does not sound so good to me. Anyway, I refuse to follow the norms and demands of this irrational society and choose to be logical at times like this. No sooner we would be replaced by another more improved species in manâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s evolution if we keep doing these senseless things. Has nobody even thought of this yet? I am so pumped up with watching the VD series season 5 and this rationalization is probably just a side effect. This will wear off in time, eventually. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going to sleep. Goodbye good senses, I will miss you.

Thursday night I think Granger is dying. Mama thinks she is dying. I have to be home tomorrow. I have to be there for her. Especially now. My mother just called to tell me how weak my homosexual cat has been for days. She normally eats and drinks milk at least twice a day but lately, according to mom, she wouldn’t even lift her head for a drink. She must be really upset. I haven’t been a good parent to her. And I just pray I’d be home in time so she’ll see me one last time. I love her so much. My cute little furball.

8: 57 pm, Friday at home Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m home. Granger is dead. I could see my handwriting clearly because my eyes are wet with tears and my hands are shaking. My poor little girl is gone. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m sorry for not bringing you with me Granger. You would have loved college.

Finalsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; week My life is still as dull as it always had been. Apart from having the cutest homosexual cat in the world dead, the only other nice thing that happened was this. Earlier today, Jacob returned the books his friend borrowed and with it came a letter from him (the friend). I was quite surprised to receive one; I have never had a letter sent to me before.

Here’s what it said. Asia, Thank you for lending me your books. I look forward to borrowing more from you. I’m sorry I couldn’t hand these books to you personally, my school is a long way from yours and Jake offered to give them to you so I said yes. I really liked the Greatest Mysteries of the Modern World but I’m not sure about a lot of facts found there, I checked my sources. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I have books you might want to read also. I could lend you for free, in exchange for few more of yours for me to read as well. It’ll be like a little book trade. But if you’re not interested, it’s fine. I could still pay you for the next five books I intend to borrow. Thanks again. - John

Could you believe that? It’s my first time to receive a letter and it was sent by a boy! He even knew my name! It’s not exactly a love letter (too bad) but still, I keep on thinking about how cute this John probably is in person. I wish I could meet him. 77

I told Jacob we could do the book trade, and he says, “Aren’t you going to send him a letter too?” and I was like, “What is this? The 80s?” But I didn’t say that out loud and just gave him a nod. But I don’t know the first thing about writing a letter! Especially to strangers! I have to go call Rian and ask for help.

Tuesday I think this John guy likes me. I couldn’t write a letter back to him, so I made Jenna do it. And Jacob was there looking annoyed at us both. “What’re you two even fussing about? It’s just a letter.” He says while we were spending our usual afternoons at Café Talk. “She doesn’t get letters from boys every day.” Jenna defends me, and I add, “Actually, I’ve never received one in my life.” And Jacob just shook his head in disbelief. I doubt he’ll ever understand. 78

Thursday, 4:26 pm I can’t believe what had just happened. Here I was worrying about so little things in life when mama called and tells me of this horrible news.

Tatay is at the hospital. He has kidney failure and no one in the family knew, till now. I don’t know what to do. I wanted to help and get there now but I can’t. I want to see how he’s really doing and comfort mama for whatever she’s feeling. She must be in a mess. Her voice was faltering when she called me earlier, “Come home tomorrow, when your classes are done. We’ll be here.” I have to let Beth know about this. I’m going to the nearest internet café now. This is just bad.

Friday, 8:58 pm at town hospital Tatay’s condition is getting worse. He needs a transplant. And even if we had the kidneys to match his, we did not have the money to pay for the operation. We’re broke. I just wanted to cry in helplessness. Why does this have to happen now? And to Tatay who have always been good all his life? He did not deserve this. If only I could get a job right now and do something to help. Beth did not reply to my message. I guess it’s all us for now. Mama is looking for loans. I’m thinking of selling my books. I just don’t know what to do. I texted Rian about our problem, but she does not text back. Oh God please. I can’t lose my Tatay now. Not now please.

Saturday, 5:45 am, still at hospital I just got a text from Rian. It said: We’re coming to help. Your tatay’s going to be fine.

I wanted to believe what she was saying but I don’t know if I could. Tatay looks so weak his strength must be slowly draining. The doctor tells mom that there are two ways to treat tatay: lifetime dialysis, or kidney transplant. Either way, it’ll cost a fortune. We have already used their savings for his dialysis thrice now. It really is expensive. I don’t know if we’re ever going to get through this. I don’t want to give up on Tatay either, whatever it takes. I’m headed to the mayor to ask for help. I could trade my books for some medical assistance. The books may be of use to the town library too.

Saturday, 1:28 pm The mayor told me I didn’t need to trade my books to get the help I need. He knew my father, and he did talk to some doctors on the phone to keep the weekly dialysis going. As for now, tatay will survive. But I’m not sure as to how long. Someone’s knocking at the door. I’ll be right back.

2:15 pm You would not believe who has come to our doorstep to come visit me and offer help – just Rian, and Jenna, and Jacob! All three of them at my house! I would’ve felt so excited to see them here if it weren’t for a lot of things that’s been bothering me for days. And all I could think of when I saw them standing there was relief. It’s nice to have people share your burden and load. It makes the load a little lighter when you carry it together. I just thought of writing this down before getting back to the hospital. This is going to be a very busy week.

Saturday, 12:38 am Just when I’d thought God has completely forgotten about us, He sent his angels. They go by the name Jenna, Jacob and Rian. And thirty minutes ago, the last one came. It was Beth. 83

They’d all come not just to comfort me and my mom but to help. When the three first appeared at my doorstep, I thought they just wanted to see how I was doing. But that day was just the start of many to not lose hope and keep fighting. You would not believe the lengths to which we did just so we could earn cash. That very day, we started counting our options started right away: 1. We washed the entire town’s cars, and even trucks. Each vehicle was 30 pesos worth. Within two and a half days, we earned 1, 460 pesos – hard earned cash that was. 2. We sold banana cue, camote cue, barbecue, and all other sorts of cue by our street. In three days, we earned 857 pesos. 3. We started doing nail services with most of the people in the hospital. Jenna was the nail expert and she taught us how to do it right. Jacob did some other things. He would not dare clean somebody else’s nails. That would have been a good joke. We collected 720 through that. 4. We went to the public park and played music while people passed. Jacob could play the guitar well, and Rian and I sang okay, so we 84

earn sympathy cash of 1, 047. I was surprised it even reached such number. So after five exhausting days, we totaled the money and this was how it looked like: 1, 460 + 857 720 1, 047 4, 084 The transplant costs 500, 000 to 1 million pesos. I wanted to cry in hopelessness. But just when I was about to, Jacob hands me over an envelope. I opened it and saw it was thick with cash. “What’s this? Where did you get this?” “Don’t worry about it.” He just says and insists I accept it. “I can’t, Jacob. Unless you tell me where you got this,” then I add, “Did you steal?” He looked offended at what I said. “It’s from my dad,” he finally says. “Look, I pay my own tuition with working at Café Talk. I didn’t have to spend my allowance or the tuition he gave me this sem. You take this.” 85

“But why? Don’t you need this for next sem?” “I don’t.” he says and he wouldn’t even look at me in the eye. What have I done to deserve this kind of goodness from him? “Just take it, Asia.” Jenna says. “His dad owns the Café Talk.” “What?!” Then it suddenly made sense. Okay I get it now. Jacob just scratched his head and gave me a weak smile. “It’s for your dad, Asia, not you. So you can’t say no for him.” “Here, mom sends this for you too. Hope it’ll help.” Rian gives me a comforting smile before handing me an envelope too, and I could just stare back at them in shock. “I got this from my savings too.” Jenna hands me a fistful of cash too. Good Lord, I could not believe I have angels as friends. I cried so hard that day because I couldn’t believe how nice they were. I am so blessed. When we counted everything we got, it was already half of what we needed. That was enough to send tatay to the operating room. The rest of the bills we could still find ways to work with. Now I am writing this down so I won’t forget how blessed I am to have been surrounded with 86

wonderful people. It was overwhelming, to know that people actually care, and that you’re never really alone in this world. I was wrong to judge the human race so harshly. I didn’t know half as much the things I now knew about them, about us. We’re nice creatures after all. No wonder God loved us best. Now Beth is back, and she has money with her. I think that we’ll finally get through this together.

One week before second semester

It’s been a week since tatay’s successful operation. I have learned so much from the previous semester’s lessons for me. I had never been so wrong about so many things. Life doesn’t have to be extraordinary to be beautiful. It doesn’t have to have sparkling vampires, secret wardrobes, flying broomsticks or talking donkeys to become something worth telling. A friend once told me, he goes by the name Hans Christian Anderson, that every person’s life is a fairy tale written by God’s fingers. I believe him. I could imagine God carefully plotting what I thought were unnecessary details of my life. But I have another theory. I fancy telling my good friend Hans about this. According to my theory, the Author, which is God, plots the details in the story, but the heroine makes it happen. I believe I’m the one who makes it happen (not BPI). So if I’m just going to sit there and wait for God to make a beautiful story out of my outrageously boring existence, I doubt if there’s anything to be written at all. The author has blessed me with the gift of choice. And with that choice comes thousands and 88

thousands of options to choose from. For now I choose to be happy. I choose happiness, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what matters.

Love, Asia, the happy heroine

Acknowledgments 89

The authors wish to express their gratitude to the people who contributed in so many ways to the creation and publication of this book: Mheldy and Jojo, Hannah Joy Zamora, Emelita Naingue, Bethany and James, Joanna Pelayo, Joseph Ian Zamora, Arianne Matin-aw, and everybody else we failed to mention.