Sigma Grindset

Thursday, December 16th 2021 How to become a sigma male

Aidan Shelton

Art Director

Disclaimer: This is satire and should not be taken seriously by anyone

Are you nervous? Having confidence issues in the world of high school? Still have freshmen energy? Well fear not, young king, as this list is for you.

A Sigma male means that you’re dominant in every aspect of your life. You do whatever you want and you’re always right, even if society, morals, and laws tell you otherwise.

If you follow this list and apply it to your everyday life, you will become an ultra Sigma male.

You will exert power and confidence. People will respect and fear you.

Step 1: Preparation.

True Sigmas always take extra time to ensure success. To do this, you will need to take extra precautions to ensure you’re ready.

Wake up, stare at yourself in the mirror and repeat, “I am ready,” for an hour straight. Then, stretch to prevent injuries. Step 2: Alertness.

When you’re on that grindset, you will make enemies. There will be people gunning for you. You have to be ready.

Carry items on your person for any situation life throws at you.

Wear a life jacket at all times in case of floods.

Wear a titanium suit in case a piano falls on you.

Tape a filleting knife to your inner thigh in case an emergency fish needs to be prepared.

Always expect the unexpected. Step: 3: Fearlessness

Sigmas can’t be afraid to take their own path.

Don’t be scared to pee in the middle urinal. In fact, only pee in the middle urinal to show that you don’t let society dictate your life.

Don’t wash your hands. Bacteria aren’t real.

Lick every single doorknob just to prove it.

Step 4: Lone Wolf Mentality

True Sigmas see others as obstacles and keep to themselves. Don’t trust anyone. Don’t talk to anyone.

Your girlfriend may leave you as you’ve become emotionally distant, but that’s okay as she was just a distraction from the grind.

Chase the bag, not a female.

Disappear and fake your death because you’re the main character.

Go to Canada, start a revolution under a false name, and then return back home and go to school like nothing happened.

Step 5: Divert Expectations.

Always keep everyone on their toes. Nobody should be able to expect your next move.

Your teacher thinks you’ll do well on your next test? You purposely fail.

Your classmates expect you to walk into class? You crawl in on all fours.

Your friends expect you to reply to their conversation? Invent your own language so that only you can understand you. Step 6: Persistence

You might be discouraged now because everyone thinks you’re weird because you don’t act like a human or speak real words.

Good. They don’t understand the grind.

Don’t just push through obstacles, actively make life harder because that’s what Sigmas do.

Take the stairs. Run the extra mile. Break your own kneecaps with a baseball bat so you know that you’re not.

Consume estrogen daily to give your masculinity a challenge. Step 7: Rebellion

As a Sigma, you don’t let society dictate your life.You don’t let your teacher tell you to sit down in your seat. You sit on the floor.

You don’t let clothing corporations tell you how to wear your clothes. You wear your shirts as pants and your pants as shirts.

When your editor-in-chiefs give you a half page, you don’t listen and write a three quarter page.

They will have no other choice but to let you have it because you’re holding their cats hostage.

Never let anyone control you. Step 8: Perfection

You now may be wanted because you “allegedly” held a cat hostage with a filleting knife, but that’s okay because as a Sigma, you never make mistakes.

You look over your texts eight times to make sure you never make a typo.

Clone yourself several times for the sole purpose of proofreading your work, as you can only trust you.

Step 9: Transcendence

Now, the final step. To really show how Sigma you are, you must become completely self-reliant.

Remove yourself from all earthly desires.

Don’t eat or drink. Don’t breathe air. Don’t even rely on gravity.

When you finally achieve that full Sigma male status, you will transcend into a glowing, levitating entity of pure masculinity.

Others will be forced to bow down to you as their Sigma savior. Congratulations.

Download

Filter

T I T L E

Fine Line

A R T I S T A L B U M

Harry Styles Fine Line

Lonesome Town Ricky Nelson Ricky Sings Again

Run it Back Dino Gala Run It Back/Fire Escape

Love Me Right

All Too Well

Out of Love

I Love You

Marvins Room Moxie Lnox Love Me Right

Taylor Swift Red (Taylors Version)

Alessia Cara The Pains of Growing

Billie Eilish WHEN WE ALL...

Drake Take Care