UP & COMING
NOVEMBER 2018
EMPOWER HOUR It takes a brave woman to stand up and be counted! Hilary O’Connor wakes Ireland up to an ultimate truth!
How a National tragedy and a passion to give voice caused me to publish a debut fiction novel , focusing on the the potential to heal within Irish people. On March 3rd last year I called my mother to wish her a happy birthday. She related her gratitude and then asked me an innocent question that was to shock me to the core. My mother asked: Did you hear that nearly 800 babies’ bodies were discovered in a septic tank in Tuam, Co Galway? In that moment something took a tight grip on my heart. I still don’t know what it was, but it was painful, and I knew that somehow the scandal had deep resonance within me. After finishing up the phone call I watched the news bulletin tell of Catherine Corless’ findings. My heart broke as I quickly realised my kinship with these innocent lives. They were all born in a Mother & Baby Home, so was I. They were all born of ‘fallen women’, so was I. Their lives all began under the supervision of the nuns, so did mine. I was born in 1974 in St. Patrick’s Mother & Baby Home, in Dublin. Over the following weeks my heart continued to break. Each day I walked around smiling outward through an abyss of silent devastation and sadness. The anger I felt towards state and church blew its punches to my being. Filled with grief, guilt and despair, I was lost. Tears flowed from my eyes, while the images of innocence in unrecognized graves haunted my mind. The thought ‘it could have been me’ repeated in my mind over and over, followed by the guilt that it wasn’t me, and the victims lay silenced for decades, their soul legacy unknown to the world. The helplessness to fulfil a will to do my part was like a drug that paralyzed happiness and joy, and amplified frustration, anger and heart break. One morning in early April 2017, I woke with a sense of everything being perfect in my world. It was a bright sunny Design by PINCH
morning and my family were lost in peaceful slumber. Life was perfect. That perfection lasted about three seconds and the devastation came thundering into my mind once again, its heaviness weighing down on my being before I rose from the bed. I got the kids off to school, by now, behind the mask of my smile, my eyes were already swollen with the familiar sting of tears. That morning I eventually surrendered. I knew I couldn’t continue to live in this abyss of devastation. I needed help and I turned to a Higher Power. I stood in my bedroom and looked up: “God, help me see this differently, because I cannot find a way forward” Within moments something happened that would go on to consume my every thought for the foreseeable future. The plot for what was to become my first novel began to download in my mind. It was about a baby girl, born in a Mother & Baby Home in mid-sixties Ireland, called Saoirse. She was given up for adoption by a mother who loved her without condition and the
story followed her childhood of rejection and judgement due to the consciousness of Irish Society. What made Saoirse different was that she never gave up on the power of love and that was the very thing that aligned her name with her nature. After weeks of sorrow and helplessness, although this scared me to the core, it felt right. That morning I began to put pen to paper. Saoirse was my channel to give voice to those who were silenced, it didn’t even matter if no one heard or read my work. The point was I was doing something for these treasured angels and for the magnificent mothers who still carry the pain to this day caused by the aristocracy that controlled our nation. Of course I hoped that someone listened and heard, but control of same was out of my hands and I knew I just had to show up and be the vessel. I wrote her story, I got myself and editor and followed her advice. I released my book on 18th August 2018 and she is now flying high, making her way into hearts right across the globe. Since her release my heart leaps with joy as I log into my emails to receive another letter from another beautiful soul filled with gratitude to Saoirse and me for how her words helped them feel heard, understood and how they can now finally let go. I wrote Saoirse for two reasons. First, in the hope that she inspires a way forward though pain towards forgiveness and freedom. Second, that she gives just voice to the souls who inspired her and helps their light shine bright in recognition of their perfection, wherever they are. With Love, Hilary Connor
The Stented Papa shares his beautiful heart
The Heart of Life is Life itself! The world is changing. Technology is changing. In fact, the world is being changed by technology. Mindsets are changing. The workplace is changing. Life is changing. Everybody’s life alters as the get older. It’s natural. Part of life and part of our time on this planet. Nobody is questioning that fact but for some, life change can be forced upon them completely unscripted like that long-lost cousin inviting themselves to the family reunion even though they specifically weren’t invited! I know because I was one of them. (Not the unwanted cousin part, the unscripted life changing part!).
The Bad News “What age are you again?” I clearly remember the Cardiologist asking me as he offered me a seat in his very swanky office. Internally I thought ‘Shit, this can’t be good news if he’s started off asking me my age?’ “37 I replied” (with a huge gulp). “You have multiple signs of Heart Disease on both sides of your heart Ross” BOOM. SLAP. WALLOP. Just as if the original Batman & Robin just clocked me. “I’m sorry - I have what now?!” 2 | NEWSLETTER NOVEMBER 2018
Less than 2 months later I had 4 stents inserted into my heart on the 6th January 2016. A date I’ll never forget. But little did I know at that moment sitting in the Dr’s office, those words and subsequently my tiny new best friends of miniature steel sitting inside the main arteries of my heart would become the best bit of bad news I’ve ever received in my life. And I’m only 40 atm!
Why? Because it opened my eyes. I gave up work to become a full time Stay at Home Dad (SAHD). My daughters were 3 1/2 & only 8 months old at the time. In this time, I’ve had a huge part in rearing our children and literally watch them grow, change & develop into amazing little people. I get to do what my Dad never got the opportunity to do and not just him, so many parents. There is simply nothing better I love doing than spending quality time with my wife & daughters. It’s been a phenomenal journey to date and one which I know can only get better. It’s also allowed me to become a blogger. A Daddy blogger no less and one of the few in the entire island of Ireland. ’The Stented Papa’ (my blogging alias) was born around the same time I became a SAHD - around March 2016. Writing about me & my family and how I see things in general has opened numerous doors which I wouldn’t have even dreamed of prior to my heart issues. Opportunities such as coverage in both National & Regional Newspapers both online and in print. TV appearances on 3 separate shows no less and blogging award nominations - in 2017 I was the only Daddy Blogger in the entire country to make the final of ‘The Boots Maternity & Infant’ Awards in the category of ‘Best Parenting Blog’!!!
Bad news? What bad news? I only see positive news here! Bloody hell what a transformation in life terms. Honestly need to stop and ask myself “Is this really happening?” So yes, I received news of a serious illness. One that’ll stay with me until my toes curl upwards permanently. And yes, I’ve had to deal with it - both mentally and physically which took a bit of time I’m not going to lie to you. Yes, I’ve had to change my diet and exercise routines. Yes, I’ve had to change full stop. But let’s looks at the positives here - because that’s what my story is about, the positives » I didn’t have a heart attack and keel over a relatively young man » I was lucky and got warnings » I got fixed - the main point! » I get to spend quality time with my family every day
» I get to watch my young daughters grow and develop every day » I get to praise my amazing wife for being a strong, confident woman who is the breadwinner and I couldn’t be prouder of her if I tried » I get to write about our life and so far, it’s been very well received » I’m turning my hobby into a genuine income stream working from home (around my time with our girls on my terms) » I’ve recently launched an online business with my wife Mel called Bookie Wooky (.i.e.) which allows anyone with a child in their lives to create a beautiful child friendly board book full of their memories and important aspects of their lives I’m able to do all this because change was forced upon me unscripted. I started off saying Technology is changing. Life is changing. It’s the advancements in medical technology that ensured I was back on my feet as quickly as possible and unlike many - my Dad included - I didn’t need to chest ripped open to do so. For that and the numerous reasons above I am a very happy, lucky man, hubby & dad.
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SEVEN IS A SACRED NUMBER, SEVEN YEARS TO A SOBER ME! Dublin based visual artist Amanda Grace shares with Empower Hour her wisdom: life is best expressed in experience! Recently, I was clearing out my studio when I came across an old diary in my journal stash. I opened the cover and braced myself as I noted the date. January 5th, 2010 This was the date of my first counselling session. Holding my diary at an arms length, I flipped through the pages and not too far in, I came across a list titled, ‘reasons to stop drinking’. Seven years later, I finally did.
WHAT TOOK ME SO LONG? Well, to put it simply, that was how it unfolded for me. While 2010 was the year I stepped out onto the path of recovery, the place I started wasn’t rock bottom. My starting point was a complete void. A lost self. Before I could enter the phase in which I would begin the process of recovery from, I had to embark firstly, on a recovery of. I had to learn how to locate and empower, the real me. And so, I embarked on a process that was anything but linear and with so many twists and turns, at times I struggled to trust it. I had my first drink at 14, in a field, in the middle of the day. It was a mixture of spirits. Straight. Pure poison. The very feat of getting it past your lips, made you an automatic bad ass. And that to me, was the buy in. I wanted to be a badass. I wanted to be, anyone, but me. I wasn’t a physically active child. I was overweight, self conscious and useless on my feet. I didn’t seem to be good at anything. Desperate to be accepted by my peers,
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I learned how to make them laugh. I became a smart arse. The Messer. The rebel. Turns out I had a talent for it. I could disrupt an entire class with my boldness. Finally, I was good at something. Shortly afterwards, ‘ditch drinkin’ became a thing and I was good at that too. At last, a way to fit in. I started smoking and mitchin’ school and the holy grail of approval to me, was getting attention from boys. All I wanted, was approval and there were no lengths I wasn’t willing to go, to get it. It didn’t matter what it cost me, I was willing to pay it and I did. This is basically how I approached life for the next 21 years and the role drinking played in this pattern, was huge. Which is why in 2010, I was sitting with my diary, listing out ‘reasons to stop’. I knew I was too good at it. The ‘me’ I was failing to be, had become too painful a loss. I had built my entire identity on being a mad bitch. And for a while, it served me. It was how I survived. How I avoided the rejection I so feared. It was also how I left myself. Stopping drinking wasn’t urgent enough in 2010. What was urgent, was the journey back from exile. This mad bitch had made a right mess of things. Not only did I not like myself, I didn’t like a lot of what I had attracted into my life, either. Imagine the constellation around you, as a house of mirrors. The people you surround yourself with, will always reflect something about you. My house of mirrors in 2010 reflected conflict, wrongness, repression, isolation, separation, pretence, numbing, excess. That’s where I began. I looked again in 2017 and saw: Creativity. Love. Support. Expression. Community. Connection. Possibility. Recovery. I did that. By reclaiming my power. Recovery for me began not with sobriety, but with refurbishing my house of mirrors. Still, it took seven years. Isn’t that funny? Seven years to fix the broken mirrors.
When I found my 2010 ‘reasons to stop’ list, my immediate thought was to be ashamed that it took so long. But now I understand that to rebuild my foundations, the trench I had to dig, was 35 years deep. So, of course it took seven years. And it was worth it, to recover who I am. I’m somebody worth showing up for. And that’s where sobriety came in. I decided I no longer wanted to bolt. I wake every day now, with a clean and sober head and while I still have plenty of work to do, what I also have, is a sense of abiding comfort. That I’m in charge of my own stability. I’ve learned to trust that. To trust myself. To believe at last, that I can do this. All of it. To be ok with the time it takes. To feel the fear. To do it anyway. To show up. Everyday. To finally agree, that I can trust, me. Amanda Grace is a Visual Journal Artist and facilitator of creative recovery. Her work is in the service of inspiring recovery and expression of your innate, creative self. I believe that the deeper our understanding of, connection to and care for self, the greater our ability to surrender that which impedes us from showing up as we are, to do the work we love. Registration is currently open for her RAW Visual Journaling online course and she will be announcing her 2019 live workshop tour dates soon. www.amandagrace.ie www.instagram.com/amandajgrace/ www.facebook.com/thepilgrimsoul http://bit.ly/PilgrimsOnDeck
Making Art empowers me Kerry Manning was told she would never be an artist! She shares how good it feels to follow a true calling in life. Colour, paint, brushes and time. Give me these things and I am happy. For as long as I can remember I have been an artist inside, but somehow it wasn’t nurtured, and I lost my belief in my ability for a very long time. I really believe that creativity is fuel for the soul. Creativity is what fills our empty cup and allows us to regenerate and to find strength. When I spend a day making art, I find myself sparking and inspired. Without it I wouldn’t be me.
TAKING A STEP BACK
My earliest memories are creative. Playing with art stuff, making clothes for my Barbies and dolls, and playing makebelieve – the most creative pursuit of all. When you go to school you get put into a box. It is a desk, and a timetable, but really it is a box. A box that encourages conformity. Art lessons are a small little box one afternoon a week. Somehow my passion for making art leaked away and life took over. At high school Art was offered as a subject. I was excited. It was a huge disappointment. It was another system with one teacher in the school who with the knowledge of hindsight was probably not very happy with himself. He had been favourites and as a talkative creative, I was not one of them. One man made a choice and I was not allowed to study art for my final exams. I never gave up on my creative ambitions but for many years they were confined to the odd sketch and most often used in my career to lay out magazines and adverts. I know that this is creative, but it doesn’t quite fall into the category of making art.
WHAT DOES MAKING ART MEAN TO ME?
To me it is being in complete flow. I am quiet when I create. I lose myself in the process of mixing colours and creating shapes. Time spend creating is never
counted. It almost stops and all that matters are the surface in front of me that is transformed by the process. Creativity is different for different people I love to paint. I love to craft, and I love to write. The creative process is different for everyone. My partner bakes, and he grows things, and he paints too. To create means to bring something into existence. It might be a tomato plant, a cupcake or a piece of art. It might be a knitted sweater, the truth is it doesn’t matter what it is, what matters is that we take time out to create.
BACK TO MY STORY.
It was many years before I picked up a paintbrush again. A friend of mine who had studied art at school invited me to a water colour class. We arrived, and the teacher asked me what experience I had. This was my biggest fear as I couldn’t draw. Well, to be honest I believed I couldn’t draw because my school art teacher had told me I couldn’t 20 years ago. I blithely told the teacher that I didn’t need to start at the beginning, and preferred landscapes and seascapes – neither of which needed much detail. I watched those around me, took a wet paintbrush to my paper and started playing. Time stood still. Eventually my lack of drawing skills was uncovered, and I mastered the pencil as well as the paintbrush! That is almost 20 years ago, and painting and making art is part of the fabric of my life. I am happy with a paintbrush in my hands. A friend visited recently and commented that there were paintbrushes drying next to the sink and even a paintbrush as well as a toothbrush in the bathroom. This made me smile! My story has a huge hiccup. For many years I was in a dark place. I was in a very unhealthy marriage and my selfconfidence plummeted. I don’t really like to dwell on this time, but it is part of my story and it certainly shaped me. Through the hard times I learnt so much. I learnt that good things were mine to strive for. I learnt about determination and about creativity, and how important it is to happiness.
The first time I sat down to work on my vision for the future an image of an art exhibition appeared to me. I knew that I was meant to share my creativity.
MY FIRST SOLO ART EXHIBITION
It took a few years to manifest this dream. In June this year I had my first solo exhibition. I showed a collection of landscape abstracts painted in the encaustic style using wax and resin. I sold six paintings and have sold more since. Selling a painting isn’t about the money (although that helps), it is about sharing the joy of making art. My art can be viewed at www.kerrymanning.net – follow the menu to shop my art!
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FLORENCE BREY Hypnotherapy Ireland, talks about a life less ordinary! How to become more than you ever thought you could be! My journey to empowerment happened unexpectedly. When I look back on my life, well before I even started Hypnotherapy I can see that was just going along with the motions without any true plan or intention. I worked mainly office type jobs and was in the constant rut of changing from one job to the next. I felt unfulfilled and unhappy. I liked interacting with people that is why I chose reception type positions. One day I heard about an introductory course in hypnosis and nervously decided to go along to find out more about it. We were given the task of finding out about the person sitting next to you. The story of our lives unfolded, people shared about themselves, their career and family and in turn you told them your story. The lady I was teamed up with was from Malaysia, she was a nurse and had lived in different parts of the world. Her life sounded very exciting. I on the other hand didn’t have such an interesting life, I felt a bit dull in comparison. So, I spoke about her and she spoke about me. First task over! Phew!! Throughout the day we learned about the model of the mind, the sub-conscious mind and how powerful it is as compared to the conscious mind. How it is programmed from birth with all our habits, feelings, beliefs, long term memory, emotions and how we can change our lives by undoing that programming under Hypnosis.
We also learned some practical Hypnosis techniques. It was a light bulb moment! I was hooked. I loved everything about it. I experienced a Hypnosis session and saw how I could improve on myself personally and help my family also. So, I signed up to do the course immediately, I studied and qualified as a Hypnotherapist with the ICHI (Irish Clinical Hypnosis School of Hypnotherapy). I felt so proud of my achievement. As I learned more and practiced techniques; my confidence grew, and I felt empowered. I realised that I wanted to share this empowerment with other people, so I decided to open a clinic under the Irish Hypnosis umbrella, now qualified. I opened my clinic in Naas, Co Kildare, where I continue to help people take control of their lives! Be it: losing weight, to quit smoking, to overcome anxiety or
panic attacks, to clear fears or phobias, all those core issues that hold a person back in their life from achieving true empowerment and potential. I guide them within a session and help them regain power through accessing the sub-conscious mind using the beautiful process of Hypnosis. It allows them to regain control over their lives and gives the confidence to enjoy a fuller experience of life. I went on to open a second clinic in Fir house, Dublin 24. Why do I love what I do? I am the very one that thought I couldn’t, but I empowered change in my life, and this has helped hundreds more people too. I enjoy this amazing work and will continue to educate myself and others of the power they have within. Hypnotherapy as a therapy is all about empowerment. Florence Bray - Clinical Hypnotherapist Irish Hypnosis
Empower Hour is a single parents and parents support group without stigma.
NEWS
Empower Hour offers affordable wellness initiatives and events from a cooperative of therapists in Limerick and further afield. Wellness and personal development were never so easy!
The next Empower Hour offering is ‘Create Yourself’ a creative expression workshop with creative expression therapist Amanda Clifford. Amanda has spent years opening conversations on mental health, run ABC for Mental Health in Limerick and is the core organiser for Green Ribbon events in Limerick every May.
This workshop facilitates the creative expression of yourself as an inner journey of expression. Don’t miss out! November 7th, Angel Times, Thomas Street Limerick, 7-9 p.m.
Costs €10 or €7.50 for socially assisted