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Dealing with Holiday Depression
Grieving During the Holiday Season
The loss of a loved one is especially heavy during the holidays, a season full of joy and celebration. The swell of grief can be overwhelming, so prioritize taking care of yourself as you wade through “the most wonderful time of the year.”
WRITTEN BY
JEAN MALONE, LMHC OF SARATOGA HOSPITAL
Jean Malone is a licensed mental health counselor at the Saratoga Hospital Medical Group – Oncology/Hematology office. She has a master’s degree in counseling psychology, a certificate in bereavement studies, and 13 years of hospice experience. Jean manages the bimonthly Grief Support Group for grieving adults in the area.
Accept that grieving is necessary for healing.
Don’t apologize for grieving and don’t set an arbitrary timeline to work through your grief. It’s a process, and everyone experiences it differently. You will have to navigate ups and downs influenced by your relationship with the person you lost, the circumstances surrounding their death, as well as your own life experiences. As you move through the process, it’s only natural to experience some or all of the following: • Trouble thinking and concentrating • Anxiousness or depression • Loss of appetite • Difficulty sleeping • Anger • Isolation These feelings are uncomfortable. That is why it’s so important to acknowledge them, rather than disregard them. While you may want to bury your head in the sand until the new year, trying to ignore your grief feelings will only prolong the anguish. Things will get more bearable, but only with good grief work: Accept that the holiday season will be difficult and make plans to get through it.
CONSIDER YOUR WELL-BEING WHEN MAKING PLANS.
In the midst of grief, you will not be operating at full capacity. Talk with your loved ones and take a look at your annual traditions to determine what exactly you can and cannot handle. And have these conversations well in advance. The longer you wait to express your needs, the more anxiety you’ll cause yourself. Here are some examples you might think about: • Do you prepare all the food for your Thanksgiving meal? Ask someone else to take on the cooking this year. • Will a sit-down dinner leave you focused on an empty chair? Suggest a casual brunch or a potluck, or see if a friend or loved one might host at their home instead. • Have another look at your shopping list. Gift certificates are a great option if the thought of finding other presents overwhelms you. Or maybe, if the loved one you lost had a favorite sports team or television show, you could purchase gifts related to that as a way to honor and remember them. • The holidays come with all sorts of traditions, but it’s okay to shelve them if decorating or sending holiday cards fills you with anxiety. There’s always next year. • Don’t be afraid to create new traditions. Your loved one would want you to find joy in the holidays again. Maybe that means sending cards to nursing home residents or soldiers serving overseas rather than to friends and family. Such acts of kindness not only bring cheer to those less fortunate but also might inspire you to find a bit of happiness. Ask yourself how doing or not doing something will make you feel. Will trimming the Christmas tree bring you comfort or enjoyment? Would it be the end of the world if you skipped the annual family cookie bake? Sadness is to be expected, but not at the expense of your physical and mental well-being. Do what is most bearable for you this year.
WE’RE HERE TO HELP.
After you’ve decided what your holiday will look like, don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for putting aside traditions or trying something new. Not even you. Since so much about grief feels out of control, one of the best ways to navigate triggering occasions is to focus on what you can control. Maybe that means saying “no” more often than you’re saying “yes,” but that’s more than okay. How you’re feeling from one day to the next may change what you’re up to doing. Avoid making a holiday checklist of things you feel you must do because that will just add unnecessary pressure. Give yourself some grace, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
If you need support beyond what your family and friends can offer, Saratoga Hospital hosts a Grief Support Group twice per month, on the first and third Wednesday at 6 p.m. For more information, please call 518-886-5210, or visit SaratogaHospital.org. SF