Mistaken Conclusions about COVID

Mistaken Conclusions

About COVID, Stress, and Your Child. And How to Turn This Around.

WRITTEN BY DR. RANDY CALE

The topic on everyone’s mind is COVID and the impact that this is having on our lives. For many, these times provide challenges on many levels. For our children, many obvious factors are impacting their lives. However, I often hear parents attributing specific changes in their children’s’ lives to COVID, and in a sense, this is true. But, in another sense, it may not be accurate. Before jumping into this, let’s first discuss the word ‘stress.’ This is our society’s language for fear and anxiety. It is more acceptable to use this as code, but we want to be clear on this: It’s all about fear, anxiety, and worry.

Dr. Cale is a Clifton Park-based parenting expert, author, speaker, and licensed psychologist who offers practical, no-nonsense parenting advice for all ages. His website, terrificparenting.com, features hundreds of articles and dozens of parenting products that will help you achieve your goal of happier children and a peaceful home.

Mistaken Conclusions

COVID Is The Stress Factor Causing My Child’s Anxiety

Of course, COVID is at the cause of the many, many changes in our society impacting our daily lives. This is true for adults and children. Not in question. However, for many of you (not all), your children are not thinking about COVID. They are not thinking about viruses and statistics and fears about the future. Instead, children focus on the practical, day to day changes that affect their lives. And in this realm, there are many. These include changes in routine, absence of friends, inability to play sports, mom and dad home all the time, and the list goes on. Turn Around Point: It is the day to day changes that cause stress to our children, not COVID itself. Indeed, there are exceptions, but for most of you, turn away from a focus on COVID. And instead, turn toward the practical pieces of life that you can control.

“I Can’t Do Anything to Help With Their Stress.”

For most families this is not accurate. Why? Because it is the consequences to our societal changes that are impacting how we handle our children and our homes. In many cases, we get focused on the circumstances we cannot control while failing to appreciate what we can control. Please understand this. For example, we can’t control what society is doing this summer. There are few sports and structured activities outside the home. However, if not careful, we then allow that ‘unstructured’ outside world to become reflected inside our home. This is a mistake. Turn Around Point: Structure /routine is not only your best friend during these times, but it is also your child’s best friend. Why? It’s quite simple. Predictability! The more predictable the daily routine, the fewer thoughts, or decisions I must make. Such ‘predetermined’ daily routines are calming, reassuring, and reduce anxiety. But there’s more! Structure (i.e., healthy daily routines) imposed by mom or dad implies that someone is at the helm and in control of the ship. Strong leadership is always reassuring, especially to an anxiety-prone child. While, as a child or teen, I may fight for control and want no structure, this is not what is needed. I may even scream for having it my way, but it doesn’t mean I know what is best for me! Some of you see this in your home today. The absence of structure and routine has led to more and more signs of anxiety and withdrawal with your children. Your children need the opposite.

Sleep Problems Are Due to COVID.

Again, not wholly accurate. While the first changes from COVID affected all of us, I am finding most families struggling with sleep patterns are doing so amidst a home with little to no healthy sleep routine. In these homes, there is no clear message or methodology for getting kids to bed early, and then waking them up for a morning. Let’s be clear. Sleep is fundamental to happiness and a calm mind. Without it, we humans struggle. Too little sleep, too much sleep, or inconsistent sleep patterns are all a source of anxiety, poor performance, and mood-related problems. Turn Around Point: Sleep routines ARE within parental control. We can’t blame this on COVID. Learning to manage your home so you CAN create healthy habits is critical to help your child with sleep. And from that, you help them with their stress and fears. The biggest issue here is to take action. Stop allowing things to unfold because it’s easier just to let kids stay up, play movies or video games, and then let them sleep in. Stop. What is most comfortable is not the best here. Instead, impose limits on bedtime and make it consistent. Start a morning routine that requires them to get out of bed. And then, put some structure and tasks into the day. Hold to this game plan without emotion or lots of dialogue and discussion. When you do, your home comes together as you focus on what you can control. As you learn to bring limits and structure back into the home, things will become better soon. With that change, you will see the anxiety and fears diminish (despite the resistance and drama from your children early on). Very shortly, these changes will also • Grant’s given name was Hiram. bring you peace of mind, as you see the power you have to make a difference! • Grant was supposed to be at Ford’s Theater the night Abraham Lincoln was shot. • Grant’s memoirs earned him $450,000 for his family; close to $12 million in today’s dollars. • Grant loved horses. • The cottage was actually owned by Joseph Drexel, who offered it to Grant and his family to live in. • Grant Cottage is featured in the miniseries “Grant” airing on the History Channel in late May.