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The Balancing Act | Transient friendships in a foreign land
Sarita Rajiv moved from sun-kissed India to snow-topped Denmark. Having hopped from east to west, she finds herself performing a balancing act between her old and new lives. A freelance writer and gifting specialist, she blogs at www.orangegiftbag.com Back To Top
August 30, 2014 06:55 by Sarita Rajiv
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Much is written about the pain of overseas relationships, but platonic friendships have their perils too (Photo: Colourbox) I knew it was coming. It was anticipated, expected even. And yet, it did not make the situation any easier to handle. A painful parting of pals I have just come back home after saying goodbye to a very good friend – a friendship that was just a year young. It was a friendship not just between my friend and me, but also between our families. My friend and her family are moving back to the United States and I miss them already. I’m teary-eyed thinking of all the things we won’t be able to do anymore. I can’t just meet them for coffee whenever I want, I can’t have relaxed conversations over long dinners, and I can’t plan trips to the park with our kids. We won’t be a part of each other’s lives in a way that only happens when you live in close proximity to one another. I know the friendship isn’t over; it just has a longer travel time now. Yet, I feel a strange sense of loss. I think this comes partly from being selective about the kind of friends I make and partly from being an introvert. Amity worth the agony Making a new acquaintance, nurturing it into a friendship that’s solid and strong, only to say goodbye a short while later – that is the cycle I am expected to undertake as an expat. And it’s hard. Asking an introvert like me to be actively social in order to make new friends time and again is a bit like asking a leopard to change its spots (okay, I’m probably exaggerating a bit). Combine that with the fact that I hate ‘goodbyes’ and you have a recipe for emotional disaster. But, when I think about it, if I had to choose between not having this friendship at all and having it for just a year, I would choose the latter. Despite how I feel at this moment, I know my life here in Denmark has been richer, more beautiful and more settled thanks to my friend and her family. We’ve talked about our struggles and helped each other through tough times; we’ve shared our joys and celebrated little triumphs along the way. Our emotive worries
Despite the impending sense of loss that foreshadows each new friendship, not attempting to make new friends would go against the very essence of why I moved to Denmark. It would be to deny myself the chance to meet some amazing people – both Danes and expats from other countries – to get to know more about their cultures, and to experience things I’ve never experienced before. And I know that I’m not the only one who has to make peace with this aspect of living abroad. In the HSBC Expat Explorer Survey conducted in 2010, ‘emotive worries’ topped the list of expat concerns. Some 41 percent of expats cited ‘re-establishing a social life’ (aka ‘making friends’) as one of their top concerns. As I write this, I’m thinking someone somewhere in the world is mourning the loss of a friend to another country while another is rejoicing in the glow of a newfound one. And the circle of life continues.
Related stories The Balancing Act: When I couldn't walk away
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Also post on Facebook Tom Iconoclast·
Posting as Sarita Rajiv (Change)
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Sarita - I lived in DK for ten years, and developed a rather large circle of friends. When I moved back to the USA there was the inevitable loss of contact with some, but there were also some rather lovely surprises. People altered travel and holiday plans in order to include a stop-over visit to us, and what you find out is that these friendships are forever. Even after a year or so of no contact, things pick up right where they left off as if it was yesterday. Now you have a free place to stay in the USA, complete with a life-long friend as host. Life does not get any better than that. Learn Skype. Set up laptop in your kitchen and chat with your American friend while you fix dinner in Denmark. Keep smiling! it is a surprisingly small world. Reply · Like ·
3 · Follow Post · August 30 at 9:16pm
Larry Jf ·
Top Commenter · København
For once Tom writes a positve post! Well done! Reply · Like · August 31 at 1:39pm Tom Iconoclast·
Top Commenter (signed in using Hotmail)
For once? LOL No, Larry, I disagreed with you once 20 years or so ago and anything and everything I have said since you have viewed through black glasses. Thanks for the belly laugh. Reply · Like ·
2 · September 1 at 8:33am
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