What to do when your therapist is out of town

Irecently met someone who was having a challenging time in their relationship.

When I recommended that they talk to a therapist about it, they said their therapist was out of town. Hence, unavailable to talk.

I directed them to some mental health resources, including some that might be available in their area as well as the national crisis hotline: Just dial 9-8-8.

That being said, I’ve traveled the world and always found time to return my client’s calls, texts and emails. I know the idea of a vacation for most people is to unplug and switch off, but that doesn’t work for me. I stay available to my clients because they are under my care. Look, even though I think most practitioners would disagree with this, I can’t relax knowing that someone who relies on my support is suffering.

If you are in therapy or considering it, a good therapist will not only return calls and messages but may well check up on you between sessions. They will give you information about other resources available to you, so you can learn to deal with your issues, and homework to do when you’re not in session, to keep you focused on healing. Therapy is more than just one session a week. You need to work every day on your emotional healing; it needs to become part of your lifestyle. This way, when the inevitable issues come up, you will have the right tools to deal with them, and if you need some extra support, you will know where to find it. The goal of therapy should be to give you the ways and means of dealing with your demons. Once you have those tools, you can choose to stay in therapy and do growth work or even dive into your childhood, but only if you want to.

I believe in healing the presenting problem before looking into deeper issues. The goal is to get yourself back to a place where you can deal with “your stuff” in a logical way and not have it spin you.

If you are looking for mental health answers online, I would advise going to WebMD or the Mayo Clinic; they are the most trusted by physicians and therapists. Other sites can lead you down a rabbit hole.

Likewise, online support groups need to be vetted before you share your issues. Don’t get me wrong. There are some great ones, like Compassionate Friends, which is an online support group for people who have lost a child. There is probably a great group out there for your issues, too, but it’s important to choose wisely.

Talking to someone is a triedand-true method of helping you resolve emotional and life issues, but it needs to be the right someone. I think I went through five or six therapists in my first go-round before I found the right person (and we are still in touch.)

So if you don’t feel comfortable with someone you are seeing now, it’s really OK to check out someone else. If you and your therapist are definitely not a good fit, your therapist should know that and refer you to someone else. I have given hundreds of referrals (my therapist friends love me) and continue to do so because if I know of another therapist who would be a better fit for the person who’s calling me, it’s my obligation to give them that information. I view therapy as a sacred trust, and I honor my clients because they have made the conscious choice to work on themselves with me as their guide.

Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., is an award-winning psychotherapist and humanitarian. He is also a columnist, the author of eight books and a blogger for PsychologyToday. com with more than 28 million readers. He is available for video consults worldwide. Reach him at barton@bartongoldsmith.com. His column appears Saturdays and Mondays in the News-Press.