Philanthropy: Proving Survivors Can Prevail

Lynne Koy and SPARCC

By Sylvia Whitman | Photo by Nancy Guth

Lynne Koy

Google Lynne Koy, and you land on the internet footprint of a powerful woman—“your Sarasota luxury real estate specialist”, an official “Five Star Real Estate Agent” who closed more than $60 million in sales in 2018.

Google SPARCC, and you arrive at a Safe Place and Rape Crisis Center. Formed in 1979, SPARCC operates a hotline, a shelter, and outreach services for survivors of domestic and sexual violence and their children. With an annual budget of about $3.5 million, it throws lifelines to women and men who feel powerless.

The link? Lynne Koy serves on SPARCC’s board of directors. She’s particularly engaged these days in governance and fundraising. But the deepest connection, the one you can’t Google, lies in the story of a young mother in the mid-1970s.

Atlanta-born and college educated, this woman married her Navy sweetheart and moved to Chicago. A divorce left her a single mom with two toddlers. As she struggled to launch a career, she met a police officer with a young son. Although “signs” in the relationship troubled her, this woman thought she could “fix” her partner. She remarried.

One night, while the woman’s daughter, 5, and son, 3, were sleeping, her husband held a knife to her throat. Even decades later, she underplays the violence that sent her to the hospital. “I was bruised.”

Her abuser showed up at the ER, dropped to his knees, and swore, “I’ll never do this again.”

“Please don’t believe him,” said a cop at the scene.

But she returned home. That’s not uncommon. This woman had long contemplated telling friends or family their shameful secret, but her abuser scoffed at the idea. Who would believe that an upstanding policeman would hurt his own wife? She was trapped—and embarrassed. “Horribly embarrassed.” She had a job and an education. How had she let this happen?

Three weeks later, he threatened her again. This time, she waited until he fell asleep and “made a break for it.” With only her kids and the clothes on her back, she called a neighbor, who took her in.

“Long story short,” says Lynne Koy, “we were divorced.” Although her ex stalked her for a year, they both moved on.

She sold real estate and raised her children. When her parents retired to Longboat Key, Koy began making the 18-hour drive from Chicago. She recalls piling the kids into the car, popping NoDoz, and belting out “Don’t It Make Your Brown Eyes Blue” all the way down the interstate. In 1985, faced with a parental health crisis, she moved to Sarasota.

“It took me a little while to figure out how I was going to feed myself in real estate,” says Koy. But within a couple of years, she was volunteering with SPARCC. “I wanted to do something to give back in a meaningful way because of that kind neighbor who had taken me in so many years ago.” In those years, trained volunteers carried a hotline phone home and often met callers at the ER. “There were many nights when I got up and met people at the hospital who looked like I had looked at one point,” says Koy.

One 2 a.m. hospital visit has stuck with her. “This young woman was crying, worrying about her children. I sat beside her, and I said, ‘Talk to me. Who’s got your kids? Are they safe? You’re safe now.’”

Luckily, the children were staying with a grandmother. “She said, ‘I don’t know how I’m going to live. I don’t know how I’m going to go from here.’

“And I said, ‘You know what? You’ve taken the first step. Hold my hand. Because the next step will be easier. I’ve done it. I’ve been there. Just promise me that you’ll continue down the path. We’re here to help you.’ It was the first time that I openly admitted to anybody that I had been abused, and it was okay. There was value in that conversation.”

As her real-estate dealing heated up, Koy had to hang up the hotline. But she continued to support SPARCC and accepted an invitation to join the board of directors five or six years ago. Although Koy says that sometimes she misses interacting directly with clients, she appreciates what she can contribute as a fundraiser and a “connector” recruiting new board members.

As SPARCC celebrates its 40th anniversary and Koy enters her third decade of involvement with the nonprofit, she notes both continuity and change. Since its inception, the board has diversified from the handful of women who banded together to found SPARCC to include lawyers, law enforcement officers, business people, and media professionals. Yet a number are “legacies,” following in their mothers’ philanthropic footsteps. Although rarely discussed, Koy is not the only survivor; only a few degrees separate most people from domestic abuse.

After a recent board retreat, Koy sees growth and sustainability as focus areas for SPARCC’s future. One day the organization may expand its 32-bed shelter, which now accepts pets. It will update its Treasure Chest thrift store, which also outfits shelter residents. In Sarasota’s competitive charity scene, SPARCC will continue to appreciate donors and volunteers, including its busy auxiliary, and nurture their connection to the organization. In addition to helping survivors, SPARCC will continue its prevention outreach to students, encouraging them to respect themselves and their partners—be they women or men.

“Our goal is to stamp out abuse,” says Koy. “But there will always be something beyond our control.”

At its annual gala, which Koy co-chaired this year, SPARCC particularly celebrates survivors—without names, to protect their safety and privacy. Koy was excited to have at her table a young woman who was going to share the story of reclaiming her life.

“I was going to hug her and say, ‘You’re making it. Every day is a gift.’”

But the client backed out. She just couldn’t stand the spotlight. Koy understood. She wrote her nameless no-show guest a long letter.

“God has blessed me,” says Koy. “My name’s in the paper a lot for real estate. My picture’s in the paper a lot for real estate. But this is the work that I was meant to do.”

FOR MORE INFORMATION on how you can help SPARCC, visit sparcc.net or call 941.365.0208.