Ten Things for Parents to Know About Teenagers by Nicola Morgan All teenagers are individuals, going through adolescence variously, powered by different brains, pressures, support and experiences, but there are important evidence-based generalisations: 1. Adolescence is not a modern phenomenon – it’s natural, biologically-driven, positive, universal and temporary. 2. The point of it, in evolutionary/biological terms, is separation towards independence – this helps explain conflict with adults and the draw towards peers. 3. The prefrontal cortex (necessary for control, prediction, reason, judgement, empathy, ++) doesn’t finish developing until well into the 20s. This helps explain many negative behaviours, including emotional volatility, “bad” risk-taking, peer pressure, poor decisionmaking, lower empathy and weaker impulse control. 4. Sleep patterns change in adolescence – and it’s biology, rather than laziness. Smartphones and screens in the bedroom do not help, however … 5. Teenage stress includes significant differences, including biological ones, but mostly different stressors and pressures. It’s not an easy time for many and it is new for them all. 6. Teenagers are no better at multi-tasking than adults – and almost no one is very good at it. Attempting to multi-task is mentally exhausting and cognitively taxing. When we use smartphones (etc) we are inevitably trying to multi-task; we need to be aware. 7. So, social media bring a double problem for teenagers: 1) Overpowering need to do what their friends are doing 2) Difficulty/impossibility of performing well while distracted. 8. Resilience is damaged if we over-protect. Today’s parents often over-protect, creating a situation where upset and failure have over-high stakes. Teach skills then step back and allow failure and learning. Be a safety-net, not a helicopter. They must learn from experience and must develop autonomy (“active agency”) and self-belief. 9. Teenagers know a lot about a lot but very little about other things – and one thing they know very little about is managing stress and taking control of their own wellbeing. Teach the basics of stress management – you’ll create active agency and better performance. 10. Teenagers who read daily for pleasure have improved wellbeing, self-esteem, results, knowledge, empathy and self-knowledge. Encourage it! Reading for pleasure has proven benefits for stress relief, too. See the “Readaxation” area of my website.
Books, advice, free downloads and many resources: www.nicolamorgan.com