Chaplain

Revd Gary van Heerden

Chaplain

Circle conversations: providing a space to be heard

We live in a world in which we are increasingly time and attention poor. Despite having two ears and one mouth, we talk more than we listen. Disconnection and isolation from others are endemic. Indeed, being truly listened to and feeling understood is a rare gift.

In an effort to create a deep listening experience for our students, Rev Gary has conducted Outsider Witness Groups (dubbed ‘circle convos’ by the students at Presbyterian Ladies’ College). This has provided a forum of acknowledgement as stories are shared by a group of witnesses.

These ‘circle convos’ can be traced back to the work of cultural anthropologist Barbara Myerhoff (1982) with an elderly Jewish community in Venice, California. As elderly immigrants, they felt invisible (no one knew about their past lives or culture). Meeting in their day centre, Myerhoff observed the practices and processes they engaged in to acknowledge and affirm each other.

Scholar in Resident Akram Azimi participating in a circle conversation with Year 9 students

“Unless we exist in the eyes of others, we may come to doubt even our own existence. Being is a social and psychological construct; it is something that is made, not given.” 1

– Barbara Myerhoff

Circle convos consist of three parts:

1. An interview of the participant by the facilitator (myself), circled by ‘witnesses’ to the conversation.

2. A reversal of participant-witness roles, whereby the participant sits outside the circle and listens to the facilitator interviewing the witnesses on aspects that have touched and resonated with them.

3. A final swapping of roles so the facilitator and participant once again sit in the middle of the circle and reflect on what has been evoked in the participant as they listened to the witnesses speak about their story.

The role of the witnesses in circle convos is vital. Witnesses are meant to be exactly that – to provide a respectful space for conversations to be heard. They are to refrain from giving applause, advice and debate and should try not to impose their values on what is shared. Ideally, circle convos provide a sacred space not readily accessible in everyday life.

Last year, each of our six Year 8 classes took part in a circle convo in which I interviewed Akram Azimi, former Young Australian of the Year and Scotch’s Scholar in Residence, about his experience of being bullied after arriving in Australia as a refugee. In these circle convos, the Year 8 witnesses listened attentively. Akram’s story led many of them to reflect on their own experiences of struggle and dealing with obstacles, which reduced feelings of isolation. Akram spoke afterwards of a strong sense of being connected to the boys’ stories.

Throughout these circle convos, the framework was provided to ensure the witnesses kept on track. Not giving applause was particularly hard for the Year 8 students to grasp, particularly as Akram’s story is very powerful. One slips so easily into pointing out positives. Of course, applause has its place, but in circle convos, the aim is to enact different practices of acknowledgement – acknowledging the positive effects others’ lives have upon our own and why.

We are currently working with PLC on a potential new project where PLC and Scotch student leaders would engage in circle convos. In Autumn Term, I also will introduce circle convos into the Senior Boarding House, giving boarders the opportunity to experience these conversations.

Feeling seen, understood and accepted are vital to individual and community wellbeing.

1. Myerhoff, B., Stories as Equipment for Living, Michigan, The University of Michigan Press, 2007, p. 31