BE MORE SPANIEL

The Wonderful Life of a Dog In Ministry

by Peter Thomas

I very nearly became a sniffer dog for His Majesty’s Revenue and Customs. During the classes where they teach humans how to look after their puppies, I was particularly skilled at scent training. I could track down my training elephant however hard they tried to hide her around the barn. If I was on duty at border control no contraband furry toys would be smuggled past my spaniel nose.

Even the most timid of pupils become confident when they are reading to Harry.

The paths before my sister Willow, my brother Teddy and I, were obvious from the day we were recognised as The Furry Trinity. Our human daddy was a Baptist minister and so we were all puppies of the Manse. Poppy was a clergy-dog and before we were six weeks old the three of us received the same calling. Willow became Pastoral Canon of Coventry Cathedral. Teddy went to a Vicarage, and I stayed with Poppy to give our humans the extra help they obviously needed.

Assistance dogs and therapy dogs need specialised skills but the duties of Dogs In Ministry are much more general and varied. We excel in demonstrations of horizontal meditation in bizarre positions, anywhere and at any time. I help my daddy stay awake as he writes his sermons by nudging his laptop off his knee and I edit articles for the church magazine by devouring any which fall below my exacting standards.

Unfortunately, another part of the training included demonstrating complete focus by “running the gauntlet”, walking off-lead to heel from one end of the room to the other while everybody else in the class deliberately tried to distract me by waving tasty treats. My good manners put me at a disadvantage, I always felt it rude to refuse their delicious offerings. But apparently the aim was not to eat as many snacks as possible on the way past.

Our true Mum Poppy told her puppies that we were destined for great things. Her mum had won something at Crufts, but Poppy never had any interest in beauty contests and nor did we. Our posh big sister (named Holly Hippopotamus because she used to eat more than everybody else) was headhunted to become Chief Squirrel Warden at Kew Gardens. Our brother Harry went into education as a Reading Dog.

Clergy-dogs clean the carpet wherever any cake has been eaten. We make friends with everybody, and we joyfully invite humans who are nervous or in distress to stroke our soothing fur. Dogs In Ministry don’t preach or do current affairs very much. We just make the world a happier place by being cute and cuddly. You’re welcome.

Our parents have now both retired, which means even more walks in the woods and swims in the sea. But while our daddy snoozes, our doggy ministries are still as busy. Years ago, we realised that there was a pressing need for clergy-dogs to encourage and support each other. So, using the agency of the interweb, Poppy, Willow, Teddy and I were the founders of “Dogs In Ministry”, the first and only ecumenical fellowship for clergy-dogs which, up until now, has gathered more than a thousand members worldwide.

Inspired by our Patron Saint, Snoopy, we share wisdom and experience on Facebook and meet together regularly in convocations over Zoom. We even produce our own professional and academic paw-reviewed journal, “Furred Way”, pushing back the frontiers of the revolutionary discipline of Theology of the Paw.

Each year we celebrate September 9th as “Buy A Dog In Ministry a Sausage Sandwich Day”. It’s all true – just google us. The work of a Dog In Ministry is never done, but it’s the best dog’s life in the world!

Peter Thomas has published three non-fiction books and is delighted to assist Sophie in her creative writing projects. Peter retired in 2023 after 36 years as a Minister of local Baptist Churches - he was originally a teacher of chemistry and computing. He continues to add to his blog of more than a thousand sermons and reflections found at www.pbthomas.com.

by Maressa Mortimer

My husband and I love travelling, so when the kids came home, we thought our travelling days were done. Fortunately, our kids like travelling too so we have been able to revisit our favourite places as well as go to new ones.

My son kept trying to stand up to have a better look.

It felt so logical, sitting in the tiny gondola, which rocked every time someone sneezed or moved, staring at the ice-cold water that wasn’t too clean. Standing up was not an option. For my son, it was totally different. Anyway, we made it to the end of the tour dry and well, and my son had a great time. I did enjoy it, although I saw more of my gorgeous son than the beautiful city.

Travelling is rather stressful, for although they like travelling, seeing packed bags causes a lot of stress, making it harder to go places. Once we’re out, life is much more plain sailing. One January, we went to Venice as our Christmas present. Given my kids are drowning in toys, we decided to give experiences, rather than stuff for Christmas. So Venice it was. It was just the right temperature and not so busy. We walked miles each day, bribing the kids with hot chocolate and pizza. They loved the quirky streets and many canals, especially the bus boats.

One day, we decided to go on a gondola. We managed to all fit in one, and we soon floated away from the stairs. Then I realised that not understanding consequences, as well as a lack of trust in adults, isn’t a great skill in a gondola.

As a writer, this intrigued me, as we often make assumptions about our characters. They will be logical, sensible beings. What if they don’t understand the situation, though? Would they listen to anybody’s advice? And would our characters make the same mistake over and over, or are they able to learn from their mistakes? It made me wonder, looking around sunny terraces in May, watching the world go by. What are people like in real life, and do my characters reflect that?

Maressa Mortimer is Dutch but lives in the Cotswolds, England with her husband and four (adopted) children. She a homeschool mum and pastor’s wife, so her writing is done in the evening when peace and quiet descend on the house. Maressa’s books are available from her website, www.vicarioushome.com, Amazon or local bookshops.