Confronting My Fears

by Chantal Bellehumeur

The day before my eighteenth birthday, I went on a white-water rafting trip with a group of high school friends. The activity seemed fun and thrilling. I didn’t think twice about the possibility of getting seriously injured, or worse; not even when I signed the liability waiver.

Falling out of the raft as it went down the dangerous rapids was expected, and it happened to all of us. We were well instructed on what to do so laughed it off as we got back on and continued enjoying the risky ride in the fast-flowing river.

Being a lightweight at under ninety pounds, it didn’t take much for me to get bounced out and I often needed assistance getting back into the slippery raft.

During one of my epic falls, somebody accidentally pushed me in the head with their feet. Luckily, I was wearing a protective helmet, but went down further into the water and by the time I resurfaced I was far away from my raft.

I was at a great distance from all the rafting groups, and the strong current continued pushing me further away. I couldn’t swim to shore no matter how hard I tried.

A kayaker noticed me and was able to bring me to safety.

From what I’ve been told, had I not been rescued I would have fallen down a big waterfall. It made me feel like I had just avoided death.

That day, I developed a fear of drowning.

Although I had little issues swimming in pools, venturing in the ocean with its big waves or embarking on a small boat even in calm water made me nervous.

Exposure therapy changed my life.

The idea is to confront your fear by exposing yourself to it one small step at a time. In my case, I rented a double kayak with my husband in a safe canal.

Jeff did most of the work. My main tasks were to try relaxing, enjoy the scenery, and convince myself that everything was going to be okay.

Getting into that kayak was a bit stressful, but once settled in I was determined to continue with the therapeutic exercise.

Every time the kayak wobbled I became nervous, but kept reminding myself I was safe. I knew I’d be okay if ever I fell out. With a life jacket on, I could just leisurely float in the calm water if necessary. There were no dangers.

I managed to distract myself by looking at birds and tried to have fun. I even learned how to paddle.

I went kayaking with my husband a few other times afterwards; always in a double kayak. We moved to open water, and I eventually got to a point where I was able to take a single kayak out on a lake. Now we try to go kayaking or canoeing whenever we have the opportunity to do so. I’ve come to love it!

My inexplicable fear of heights was diminished in a similar fashion.

Once upon a time, I could not look over an edge without getting vertigo and feeling like I was going to fall. Admittedly, I still don’t always feel 100% safe but have become braver.

There is a glass panel on the floor of the CN tower in Toronto, at an impressive height of 1122 feet. Visitors can take a glass elevator up to the observation deck. Although it freaked me out, I made a point to glance at the shrinking city as the elevator rose up, and even sat on the glass panel even though I imagined it breaking. It was short lived, but I felt proud of myself.

I moved on to simple aerial rope courses suited for children. The lifeline kept me secure as I tackled one obstacle course after another. Although I completely froze at the mini zipline, I finally managed to take the leap and allow myself to zoom across to the other end. Unfortunately, I was unable to go on the higher courses like my husband.

A few years later though, I challenged myself to go on a bigger zipline in the Old Port of Montreal. I nervously walked up an 85 feet tower and did not chicken out as I thought I might. It took about 45 seconds to rapidly cross the 1200 feet over the water, and it was exhilarating. I screamed the entire time, but more out of excitement than fear. The adrenaline rush made me feel ready for a bigger adventure.

Believe it or not, I ended up purchasing a ticket for the highest and longest zipline in Canada. Located in Ste-Agathe-Des-Monts, the starting point is at a height of 377 feet and required a mountain hike to get there. I actually volunteered to go first, and barely thought about how high I was as I zoomed over the forest. I simply admired the view.

I didn’t panic when my trolley stopped midair before reaching the end of the second zip line. I patiently dangled there until a guide came to get me, not being high enough to require a helicopter rescue.

I love travelling and trying new experiences. I’m always seeking new adventures but some of my fears were holding me back so I’m happy to have conquered them.

Now I just have to continue working on my arachnophobia.

I’ve gone a long way with exposure therapy, but don’t have the extra motivation to stop fearing spiders like I did with my fears of drowning and heights.

There has been major progress though, and that’s what matters. I don’t go into complete hysterics every time I see an eight-legged critter anymore, so that’s something.

Whether you have a rational reason to fear something or not, it can be overcome.

Chantal Bellehumeur is a Canadian author born in 1981. She has several published novels of various genres as well as numerous short stories, poems and articles featured in compilation books, magazines, plus a local newspaper. For a complete list of publications, including free reads, visit the following website: https://author-chantal-bellehumeur.webnode.com/products-/