TWO STARS IN A WINDOW

It started during World War I, when my mother’s father took her (around 17 years old) on a horse and buggy ride. While riding by a home with two stars in a window (a custom of placing stars in a window when son(s) were in the war) her father said, “Mary, I want you to meet those nice young twins when they return from the war.” She bashfully agreed.

Both twins returned home safe; my father having received the Purple Heart. Alas, Mom’s father died before the war was over.

At some point, Mom attended a church social, where she met a nice young man. They fell in love and got married. Unknown to my mother, for a length of time, was that she married one of the twins represented by 2 stars in a window, that her father wanted her to meet a few years before.

Fast Forward

Prior to our parents having strokes, the sisters decided we’d houseclean for them in their elder years. We set a date and arrived for our first day of cleaning. Gladys and I accepted the garage and outside deck, while Anita, Jannetta, Dorothy, and Mary Alice cleaned inside the house.

Gladys and I worked hard until we got to the deck. We couldn’t help ourselves. All of us had a great sense of humor, inherited from our mother. We took the hose, filled a cup of water, and threw it in the open screened window of the kitchen at whomever we could hit. In turn, the sisters filled glasses of water and threw it outside at Gladys and me.

A water battled ensued until our stern father came home and scolded, “Grown children, and you, too Mom! Clean this puddle up now! I’ll be back and it better be cleaned up!” We did clean the mess up, laughing through the whole process.

By July 10, 1981, Pop had a stroke at 84 years old. Since Mom was physically incapable of taking care of Pop alone, the sisters set up a schedule for a 24-hour caregiving system for them.

Pop was able to walk, but did not know his children. He knew Mom, though.

These were some of the incidents we had with him:

• rituals getting him to bed,

• chasing animals out of his room,

• talking naughty to his children when bathing him,

• playing Santa Claus to his daughters, etc.

Fondest Memories

This is one of my fondest heartwarming memories: Pop’s twin brother, Rob, was flying in from Indianapolis to visit Pop. I dreaded the part that Pop would not know his own brother. He didn’t. But, I had them sit in the living room. Conversation was mostly with me and Rob. Then Rob, asked Pop, “Do you remember World War I?” I was totally in awe. Pop and Rob talked a length of time and had some laughs about the war experiences. It turned out to be an awesome visit.

My wedding day was also celebrated at our parents’ church with Pop attending, although he said he didn’t know anyone. My sisters planned the reception for us at our parent’s home. My husband had the privilege of dancing in a pig’s trough, a Pennsylvania Dutch tradition, if younger siblings in your family married before you.

After Pop’s death, August 11, 1982, we the sisters, decided Mom was fine during the day, so we only came for dinner and slept over. By October 21, 1983, Mom had a stroke, which left her child-like and unable to walk.

One of the incidents I recall about our feisty mother was the following: We slept on a cot in her room, near her hospital bed. One side of the railing had an opening but we never felt she’d experiment. Mostly, she kept us awake singing, talking, and acrobats. One early am, I awoke to find mom sitting on her wheelchair, next to the hospital bed, with a big grin on her face. She had crawled out by herself and managed to sit on her chair. I scolded her to no avail. She just grinned. Mom died on October 13th, 1987. We, as a family, had been caretaking some six years. I commend my family for this. I think my wise mother would say to each and everyone of her children: “You all did the best you could. Piff (favorite expression) on those last 3 months when I was in a nursing home. Piff on it.

This has been the most beautiful love story I could ever have imagined since I first saw those two stars in a window with my father. Pop and I, and our children and future generations, will always have the memory of the most beautiful love story ever told. Thank you.”

This is when we decided the brothers were to help out with the caring of our mother. A 24-hour caregiving system was set up for all 10 of us. At times, wives or older children of the brothers helped with Mom’s care. We ranged in ages 40 – 60.

• Some of the incidents of caring for Mom: clapping every time her “favorite” daughter came in the door.

• Sisters always kept their traditional birthday parties with mom, mine being dressing up for my Halloween birthday party.

• Moving Mom’s plants one more time when she said “I love you, Carole, hiding her pills in the mashed potatoes, exercising her on the floor and giggling, but having to call a brother to get her up on the chair again.

About The Author

Carole Christman Koch - “I enjoy my life, even the elder years. I believe in thinking positive, no matter what. I keep busy with writing. I don’t worry about cleaning so much any more. My husband asked when I was doing our bedroom as there was dust on dresser. I said “It’s not its turn yet. He then wrote I love you notes in the dust. Works for both of us. I started a newsletter to my grandchildren as some moved farther away. I decided to tell them my growing up years. All children should know their grandma’s life. And then I add humor of things I do. My daughter had my 80th birthday party at her home and I wore my purple wig --I like fun no matter what age I am.”