Breaking the Routine

SCRIBBLE

Breaking the Routine Holl y By Lovett

Looking back at my day-to-day life in January, it is hard to comprehend just how intense my daily routine was. It is clear to me now that back then, I had never really appreciated how my life would be without structure and organisation. Similar to a military drill, I would thunder through my morning routine, move on to a day at sixth form, then rush home, maybe to a driving lesson or for netball practice, then complete homework and go to bed. Just to wake up the next day and repeat. Oddly, upon hearing about the potential lockdown, I was not worried about missing my loved ones or becoming unwell myself, but more panicked by how I would be able to ensure my online school work would be of a high enough standard and whether or not I was going to lose my Saturday job. I was worried about how I would ever live without structure. Not once did I stop and think how others would be more negatively aff ected than me by this global issue.

As soon as I accepted that lockdown would be happening, I went ahead and did all of the activities my busy schedule doesn’t usually allow. I baked, I read for pleasure, I sunbathed and I painted. I indulged in relaxing activities that made me feel peaceful and content (feelings that in my normal life I rarely achieve). After roughly three weeks into this new way of living, I spent a lot of time reflecting on my life, and mulling over the future, looking forward to going to university, overthinking past mistakes, hoping that I would be able to pass my driving test and worrying about my A-Level examinations. This mixture of emotions began to build up, and eventually I was in a state of longing for everything to go back to the way it was before. This is because I had the time, to actually think about myself, my emotions and my life. I felt that if I kept myself occupied the way I was previously; these stressful emotions would leave. I began to believe that the way I had usually relieved myself of these difficult feelings was to bury them under the tasks I usually seek to complete. This is something that I have recently realised I have been doing for years. But I know now, that I cannot let things become the same as they were before. I do need to take time to interpret my feelings and I need to be more considerate of how things affect my mental health, instead of hiding my thoughts and emotions away under a daily routine and schedule. The lockdown has made me realise that I need to experience my feelings as they come to me, and not push them to one side for a time when it may be ‘more convenient’ for me to sit with them.

Lockdown has also taught me that I need to appreciate those around me more. My grandmother, at the age of seventy-two was at home, alone, unable to visit us, or us visit her. She was not able to pop out to the shops, just to have a chat with the person working at the till. Forbidden to visit my grandfather’s grave at the cemetery, and not able to get on the bus to walk through town, it didn’t help that she is not fluent in using technology. I realised soon into the lockdown that my previous worries were rather ridiculous and self-centred, and that there were far more important things to consider and think about. I began to appreciate just how tough those first few weeks of lockdown must have been for my Grandma and how much I need to value my time with her. As well as this, I have learnt that spending this much time with my mother, is something that I may never experience again as I move into adulthood. The long summer holidays spent fooling around with my siblings could soon become a thing of the past. I have been blessed with the opportunity to spend a large quantity of quality time with them, this I will always remember. It has also made me realise how much I rely on my family to stay on track, I know now that without mum, I would have fewer aspirations and I would be unable to cope with life as well as I currently do. It has made me treasure her more and I hope to be just like her when I am older. As a result of this time spent thinking about my way of life, I concluded that I should take more time to appreciate and understand what is happening in the specific moment, rather than continuously looking ahead to the next section of my day.

In hindsight, I view the lockdown as a lesson that I could have only ever achieved by experiencing the time I had at home, completely unplanned. It has taught me that I need to become more aware as to how important it is to talk to people, face to face, how interaction with others helps me maintain a positive mindset and to appreciate those around me and their situations more. I am now aware of how important it is for me to take the time to express to my loved ones that I care, rather than just assume they already know. I have discovered that I should not always be looking ahead, at university and career choices, but instead I should be enjoying my youth before it runs out.

This brings me to question whether life as we know it should ever go back to ‘normal’. This period of time has led me to believe that there is much more to life than having a routine and following it continually. It has taken this for me to accept that it is ok to break the structure and spend more time on things that make me happy and improve my mental health (which is currently at its best due to having this time away to reflect and be calm). I have learnt that it is just as important to spend time with my family and friends, as it is to work on my grades. I know that it is healthy and acceptable to express how I am feeling, and to understand my emotions, because I am human. Breaking my routine has reminded me of this, and I know that it has enlightened me.