WHAT THE
*#@%?
Issue #06
FREE July 2012
RUMOUR
HAS IT
RE ORIENTATE
YOURSELF
ARE YOU A
# MY
FLATMATE
SUCKS
HAPPY ? NT
STUDE
usu Students’Association at Unitec
CONTENTS Monday 16 July 2012
FEATURES 10 RUMOUR HAS IT….
16
22
PARTY YOUR WAY THROUGH THE OLYMPICS
ARE YOU A HAPPY STUDENT?
26 #MYFLATMATESUCKS
REGULARS 5 HELLO FROM SHANNON / 7 EDITORIAL / 8 GOOGLE PROMPTS TOP 10 CHEESIEST PICKUP LINES / 9 LIVING THE GOOD LIFE ON THE CHEAP 15 REORIENTATION GIG GUIDE / 20 PARENTAL RANT 21 WALKING FOR YOUR BRAIN / 21 INSIDERS TIPS TO UNITEC 25 MAYHEM AND MIRACLES OVER BREAK / 29 SQUARE EYE PAIR REVIEW 30 HOROSCOPES / 31 PUZZLES AND GAMES EDITOR: ASHLEY SMITH GRAPHIC DESIGN: MARK LOVATT
Advertising and Editorial Enquires ph. (09) 815 4321 ext 7927 studentmedia@unitec.ac.nz
Contributors: Shannon Pennefather, Kaye Adams, Jenaya Johnston, Britany Dyke, Victoria Elkin, Jayne King, Viv Frost
DISCLAIMER Opinions expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the publishers. Submissions and contributors are welcome, but the publisher reserves the right to select and edit the material submitted. Materials submitted will remain property of the publisher unless alternative arrangements are made.
INTERNATIONAL
FOOD DAY
Wednesday 1 Aug 10am - 2pm
i n t h e H u b (bldg 180) se Come along and tantali your tastebuds with the O r variety of food on offer nd from countries all arou the world
Run a stall and represent your country by selling your national delicacies
To register a stall please email usuinternational@unitec.ac.nz
WWW.USU.CO.NZ
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/STUDENTSATUNITEC
RE ORIENTATION
EDITORIAL
A L U B
EVERYONE!
I DON’T KNOW ABOUT Y’ALL, BUT I MADE IT A POINT OVER THE BREAK TO ESCAPE THE WINTER COLD AND SCURRY OFF TO FIJI! I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME BASKING IN THE SUN AND SIPPING PINA COLADAS….OH THE GOOD LIFE!
So, BIG NEWS! This is my last issue of Script Magazine. I am moving back to the United States at the end of July. I will miss you all and want to take this opportunity to thank every single person who has helped me put together each of the wonderful issues of this magazine in the past two years! I have worked with some amazing writers, photographers and creatives. Thank you for everything you have all taught me along the way. I’d also like to thank the Unitec staff for their help this year in developing the magazine to become bigger and better with every issue. Lastly, I want to thank USU, a staff full of amazingly talented and enthusiastic people. I have had a blast with you all! I am very excited to announce and introduce your new editor, Jayne King. Jayne is a student here at Unitec, which means she’s in the know of all things STUDENT. I am positive that she is going to take Script by storm and show you the best magazine you’ve seen yet! IT’S BEEN REAL UNITEC. HASTA LA VISTA! ASHLEY
I AM HONOURED TO STEP IN TO THE INTRIGUING, VIBRANT AND DELIGHTFUL SHOES OF OUR CURRENT EDITOR, ASHLEY. SHE HAS BEEN ONE OF THE TWO CREATIVE MASTERMINDS BEHIND THE SCENES; IMPLEMENTING ALL SORTS OF ORIGINAL GOODNESS FOR THE UNITEC STUDENT BODY. THE OTHER ARTISTIC GENIUS, HIDDEN BEHIND HIS MAC SCREEN, IS MARK, AND I AM EQUALLY THRILLED TO BE WORKING ALONGSIDE HIM.
The question is: “Can I kick it?” And I say “Yes, I can!” Let me introduce myself: my name is Jayne. I can be spotted goofing around in the USU video from Sounds in the Sun at Vector earlier this year. Basically I’ve been studying full time and working for the Unitec Student Promo team; for the last 3 years. I've packed hundreds of bags for various events, been doused in the rain delivering flyers, posed for photos (no not that kind- lol) and an array of other equally colourful jobs around Unitec –like a bag of liquorice all sorts, I am. Added to that, I have contributed to the student media blog, tweeted for @USU_Unitec & @UniShorts at the inaugural UniShorts Festival earlier this year; and have been known to pour a mean cup of pumpkin soup for the Unitec BizComm Social Club. My voyage has been an adventure; bumpy with its highs and lows yet beneficial in all regards. I've made untold new friends and have realised my innate ability to "soldier on" with a smile on my face. In between assignments and hustling a free lunch, I can often be found sparking up a random yarn or tweeting vicariously to the world. Anyway, that’s a quick blurb about me. I’m hyped and can't wait to get out and about to meet you all. I warmly welcome all ideas and am excited to get more students on board the media bus. If you don't see me around campus, please stop in to the office for a visit or tweet me @USU_Unitec. The student magazine and blog is intended for you, so why not get involved! PEACE, LOVE & CHICKEN GREASE JAYNE
5
usu
ENOUGH BILLS ON YOUR PLATE? THEN BUY YOUR TEXTBOOKS SECOND HAND, OR SELL THE ONES YOU NO LONGER NEED, AND GET SOME EXTRA CASH IN YOUR POCKET!
GO TO
usu
WWW.USU.CO.NZ/BUYSELL
RE ORIENTATION
PRESIDENT
KIA ORA ! C E T I N U
"make sure you come along to at least one of our events, I will be rocking it at the Olympics 2012 party"
WELCOME TO SEMESTER 2! THERE IS A LOT TO LOOK FORWARD TO THIS SEMESTER. UNITEC HAS THE NEW HIGH-TECH AWHINA HEALTH CAMPUS FOR ALL YOU HEALTH PROFESSIONALS. THERE IS ALSO A NEW AGREEMENT WITH THE ROSEBANK BUSINESS ASSOCIATION TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR UNITEC STUDENTS TO GET EXPERIENCE WITH INDUSTRY PROJECTS. I HAVE EVEN HEARD A RUMOUR THAT THERE MAY BE A FEATURE FILM COMING UP! As always, the USU will be putting on events, sizzling a ridiculous amount of sausages and helping you solve those little troubles that can arise (always got your back!). So make sure you come along to at least one of our events (I will be rocking it at the Olympics 2012 party) and catch one of my Orientation talks if it’s your first semester. The other big event this semester will be elections for the USU governance board and student council. No, not like in high school. The USU is an incorporated society that employs more than 20 staff and is owned and governed by students.
Every position on the board (including mine!) is up for re-election this semester so if you think you are up to the challenge keep an eye out for details or pop in to the office for more information. You will see me around a lot in the next few weeks. Make sure you come and say hi if you’re new and I hope you all have a great semester. STAY COOL SHANNON
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8
RE ORIENTATION
FUNNYS
GOOGLEPR
OMPTS
New Zealand . UN YES UNFORTUNATELY
LESS YOU’RE A NICE GU
Y WITH LOTS TO OFFE
R;)
is it true that is it true that nice guys finish last is it true that ugly people turned pretty is it true that herd sizes are getting bigger is it true that one direction is gay ARE THERE REALLY ENOUGH PEOPLE WHO ARE OVERLY CONCERNED WITH HERD SIZES? SO BE IT, AFTER A QUICK BIT OF RESEARCH IT HAS BEEN CONFIRMED THAT YES, HERD SIZES ARE IN FACT GETTING BIGGER. GOOD NEWS FOR ALL THOSE MILK LOVERS OUT THERE!
Advanced search Language tools
P? IF THERE’S HOPE HEARD OF PHOTOSHO HOPE FOR US ALL. E’S FOR THIS GUY…THER YES.
Google Search I’m Feeling Lucky
TOP 10
CHEESIEST PICK UP LINES
IS THAT A MIRROR IN YOUR POCKET? BECAUSE I CAN DEFINITELY SEE MYSELF IN YOUR PANTS. SIT ON MY LAP AND WE'LL TALK ABOUT THE FIRST THING THAT POPS UP.
I LOST MY NUMBER, CAN I HAVE YOURS? ARE YOU FROM TENNESSEE? BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY TEN I SEE IF I COULD REARRANGE THE ALPHABET I'D PUT ‘U’ AND ‘I’ TOGETHER... YOU MUST BE A PARKING TICKET BECAUSE YOU GOT FINE WRITTEN ALL OVER YOU. ARE YOU FROM JAMAICA BECAUSE ‘JA MAKIN ME CRAZY
DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT OR SHOULD I WALK BY AGAIN? IF I SAID YOU HAD A GREAT BODY, WOULD YOU HOLD IT AGAINST ME? DO I KNOW YOU? BECAUSE YOU LOOK A LOT LIKE MY NEXT GIRLFRIEND.
COLUMN
9
LIVING THE
E F I L D O GO
ON THE CHEAP BY: KAYE ADAMS
Student saver here, bringing you the chilling winter deals New Zealand has to offer. For starters, do you know what time it is? MOUNTAIN TIME! For all those keen skiers and snowboarders, or all you wannabe/gonnabe snow junkies, winter and its magnificence has arrived. Therefore, I have taken the liberty of sussing out a few places around New Zealand’s finest ski mountains, and, alternatively Snow Planet for those less inclined to hit the slopes this July. I’ll be honest with you, I haven’t been lucky enough to go skiing or snowboarding as of yet… but I believe it is a winter must do. So, you heard it here first, the blind leading the blind. However, Mt Ruapehu, our closest ski field, looks like they have it sussed out on this website www.mtruapehu.com offering services such as equipment hire, lesson package deals and snow reports. All to ensure you make the most of your winter trip. Not only does the site allow you to plan your visit, and give you advice on how to get there safely, but it also lists when they are in need of employees. So it’s a good site to keep your eyes on. It’s only around a four hour roadie through the North Island to get there. Just get a group together and cut costs on fuel and snacks, easy as. Get involved and sign up to ‘My Ruapehu’ (listed on the site) which gives you an online community to check out pics, and post your own videos. Ski season is just kicking off so check it out quick. As for those snow fetishes a little closer to home Snow Planet is New Zealand’s indoor ski slopes, open all year round and it offers skiing and snowboarding challenges for both the novices, and the skilled. Under an hour’s drive north of Auckland, it is definitely worth checking out sometime. However, I guess I should warn you now of the potential risks from the thrills and spills of this adrenalin pumped activity. Caution, of broken bones… I say this, because I have a silly friend who recently fractured his collar bone on the slopes of Snow Planet, not naming names of course, but noting it for the benefit of the friends of the prima-donnas who persevere their sulking at uni. Needless to say, my silly friend of course made a spectacular show for his mates and would go back and do it all again. Accidents do happen, kids. So stay safe, and check out the amazing snow deals on at the moment! Keep up to date with student deals and discounts with Kaye’s blog posts online! www.studentmediahub.com
10
FEATURE
RE ORIENTATION
WHAT THE *%&@?!
RUMOUR HAS IT.. BY: ASHLEY SMITH
RUMOUR
#1:
MENINGITIS IN THE VILLAGE?! LEAD IN THE DRINKING WATER?!! RUMOURS CAN BE VICIOUS, BUT THEY’RE ALSO A LITTLE BIT FUN…UNTIL SOMEONE GETS HURT. ALL RUMOURS MUST COME TO AN END AT SOME POINT WHETHER THEY’RE SHAMEFULLY EXPOSED OR SWEPT UNDER THE RUG AND NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN. THERE HAVE BEEN SOME NASTY RUMOURS CIRCULATING AROUND CAMPUS AND WE NEEDED TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THEM! SCRIPT MAGAZINE PUT ON ITS INVESTIGATOR HAT AND DID A LITTLE BIT OF SLEUTH WORK AROUND CAMPUS TO CONFIRM OR DENY ALL OF THE HEARSAY WE’VE CAUGHT ON TO. THE RESULTS ARE NOW IN!
DENIED! THE ISSUES WITH BED BUGS AND MENINGITIS IN THE STUDENT VILLAGE FROM 2009 ARE STILL A CURRENT HEALTH CONCERN. It looks like the bed bugs and meningitis scare of 2009 has really rattled some bones around the Unitec community. Although the village has seen its darker days in the hygiene department, it seems that those days are behind them. The management staff at the village has acknowledged this rumour. “Following the 2009 report there were a number of issues addressed and the need to increase maintenance at the Village was recognized and acted upon. The new process was put in place to ensure student requests were acted upon quickly. We now have a 24 hour maintenance turn around in 98%. of cases. Unitec and Body Corp. inspect the apartments monthly and if any repairs, mould or mildew are identified they are treated immediately.” –Shirley Sullivan, Student Village Management
It sounds like this rumour can be put to rest. The village has obviously responded to the health concerns from 2009, and as far as we’ve been able to tell there haven’t been any more extreme outbreaks. “Pest control for the entire building is carried out annually and as necessary during the year because bed bugs are sometimes unknowingly carried in on student luggage. Meningitis is a serious notifiable disease and the Health Dept would notify Unitec if there were any cases. There have been no notifications this year”
RE ORIENTATION
FEATURE
11
RUMOUR
#2:
confirmed!
COMMUNICATIONS STUDENTS GET FREE PRINTING Sounds like this one is in fact TRUE! Don’t misunderstand, Comms students can’t just rock up to any printer campus-wide and swipe their magic IDs for free printing, they are limited to free printing within their lectures. The Communications department has commented, “We are trying to reduce paper and to discourage printing unless it is very necessary…. During class in teaching labs (172-2018 & 172-3016) communication students are allowed to print only their classwork on minor lab printers”- Munawwar Naqvi, Tech. Centre Coordinator of Communication Studies We asked if the Communications students prepay for these printing rights in their fees, from which we received the following response: “No, they don't. It was a department decision to allow printing classwork during class/workshop/ exam where such printing is part of the learning and/or assessment activity”
RUMOUR
#3:
! D E I N E D
THERE’S LEAD IN THE DRINKING WATER AT BUILDING 6
We contacted facilities management to get to the bottom of this dirty dirty rumour. It turns out that there are absolutely no lead pipes in Building 6, so this rumour is the result of someone’s imagination and some loose lips. “There are no lead pipes in building six; there was a similar 'rumour' circulating about eight years ago. At the time, people were confusing cast iron pipes with lead. We will have a water sample taken and tested” –Glenn Huggard of Facilities Management For those of you that are still convinced that there’s something funny in the water, you’ll be happy to hear that they are planning on taking water samples and testing the water.
DENIED!
RUMOUR
#4:
RUMOUR
#5:
pending...
THERE ARE GOING TO BE NEW FOOD OPTIONS ON CAMPUS THIS UPCOMING SEMESTER From staff to students alike, this has been a hot topic on everybody’s mind. In investigating the rumours about new food options, we found that the answers were top secret. We were able to get the following statement from Finance and Infrastructure at Unitec: “I can advise that Unitec is currently in the midst of a Request for Proposal (RFP) process
for the provision of catering at Unitec and recommendations from this process will require the approval of the Leadership Team and Council.” Although we haven’t reached a definitive conclusion around this rumour, it sounds to us that the prospect of a new menu on campus is a promising bet. I guess for now, all we can do is keep our fingers crossed—TIGHTLY!!
UNITEC IS GOING TO BECOME A UNIVERSITY
Amongst all of the changes Unitec is undergoing, we’re not surprised that students have reached this conclusion. However, it is totally and undoubtedly untrue. Rick Ede, the Chief Executive himself, has released a statement, “As an institute of technology we provide opportunities for over 23,000 students a year to change their lives. Whether students are upskilling, retraining, joining us from school or from previous employment, we offer programmes and opportunities that make a difference in peoples lives. Our aim is to continuously improve the experience we offer our students, through a strong focus on work-integrated learning. With such a strong, proud tradition and a clear purpose we have no need, or desire, to become a University” Looks like we’re going to continue onwards as the most kick-ass Polytechnic in the country!
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FEATURE
RUMOUR
#6:
RE ORIENTATION
! D E I DEN STUDENT PRESIDENT, SHANNON PENNEFATHER WAS ENGAGED IN A ROMANTIC FLING WITH LADY GAGA DURING HER RECENT TOUR VISIT IN AUCKLAND Early morning spottings of the two canoodling over coffee would obviously spark up some interesting rumours, but it turns out that there’s in fact no romantic relationship between our dear President and Ms. Gaga. “Lady Gaga (or GG as I call her) and me are just old friends. We became close while we were both performing the in the freak show of Belgrade circus (I was a contortionist, she was the bearded lady). We met for coffee and talked shoes. Our relationship is strictly(ish) platonic.”-Shannon Pennefather, Student President
RUMOUR
#7:
Hey, as far as we’re concerned No romance is better than Bad romance. Paws Up.
THE OSTEOPATHY STUDENTS GET NEARLY NAKED DURING CLASS Third year Osteopathy student, Lacey Barnett was able to confirm this steamy rumour for us! “Haha we totally get naked and touch each other. Okay slight exaggeration, but we do have to strip down to underwear to 'play patient' in practical class. The first few sessions are spent trying to cover what little skin you can but three years on it doesn't take any encouragement to strip off.”
confirmed!
The next time you’re bored as s*#% in class, you can sit there and daydream about “If you’d only studied Osteopathy….”. We can guarantee you wouldn’t be floundering off to la la land in a classroom full of half naked students. It has been totally confirmed that the Osteo students at Unitec drop their drawers for one another during practical class. “I've often been asked if people get 'excited' in class but the answer is no, it’s all very clinical in class and dare I say professional. We encourage minimal clothing as it helps us to feel and see what is going wrong with the body we are working on, so patients seeing an Osteo should not be surprised if they are asked to take clothing off. Your Osteo isn't just hitting on you.” Sounds like a tough job guys!
RUMOUR
#8:
DENIED!
UNITEC IS PUTTING IN NEW CARPARKS AROUND CAMPUS This was a juicy rumour! Unfortunately it sounds like there’s really not much to look forward to in terms of new pavement slabs on this campus! “Short and long term campus development is under review. Parking is included within this review with several items to consider including balancing carparking against good practice environmental and sustainability goals to keep the campus green. Unitec does have a high ratio of carparks per student compared to many other similar institutions. The campus is also close to public transport and we do operate a shuttle bus service. For the short term, being next year, there are no immediate plans to add more student parking.” –Glenn Huggard of Facilities Management
I’D LIKE TO SEE...
STUDENT REPS ALWAYS LISTENING We’ve got your back!
www.USU.co.Nz/REPRESENTaTioN
usu
STUDENT REPS cREaTiNg PoSiTivE chaNgE aT UNiTEc
RE ORIENTATION
GIG GUIDE
15
RE ORIENTATION 23 JULY - 1 AUGUST
TO MAKE SURE YOU’RE IN ON ALL THE ACTION JOIN USU ON FACEBOOK OR CHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE
WWW.USU.CO.NZ FACEBOOK.COM/STUDENTSATUNITEC
WEEK ONE
GIG GUIDE
STUDENT DISCOUNTS ON JUGS ALL DAY EVERY DAY AT CARRINGTON’S!
MONDAY 23
WEDNESDAY 25
Free BBQ @ The Hub 12.30pm
TUESDAY 24
Free BBQ @ Waitakere Campus Level 1 Courtyard 12:30pm Market Day @ The Hub Quiz Night at Carrington’s Its free to enter and there are prizes to be won! 7:00pm
Free BBQ @ Building One 12:30pm $5 International Dinner night at Carrington’s 6pm
THURSDAY 26
Free BBQ @ the Northern Campus 12:30pm Pool Comp + $5 pizzas at Carrington’s 11:30-1:30pm
FRIDAY 27
The Olympic Games Opening Ceremony Party! 3pm at Carrington’s Being 24hrs ahead of London, we’ll be the first ones celebrating! There’ll be drink specials, games, DJs and prizes for those dressed to theme!
CARRINGTON’S HAPPY HOUR EVERYDAY! 4-5PM $4 HANDLES $3.50 BOWL OF CHIPS MONDAY 30
WEEK TWO
USU Free BBQ @ The Hub 12:30pm Table Tennis Tournament Uni Lounge, The Hub 12pm
TUESDAY 31
Free BBQ @ Waitakere Campus Level 1 Courtyard 12:30pm
Hotdog eating competition! @ The Hub 12:30pm Be there to compete and be into win a Skinny smart phone ! Market Day @ The Hub
WEDNESDAY 1
International Food Day @ the Hub 10am – 2pm Come and tantalize your tastebuds at the Hub and try a variety of cuisine from all around the globe!
COMING UP… August 10 Northern
Tertiary Challenge! Join the Unitec Team to take on other unis around NZ in football, Frisbee, touch, volleyball, netball and basketball. www.usu.co.nz August 13 The Careers Fair in the Hub
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FEATURE
PAR
RE ORIENTATION
YOUR WAY THROUG COSTUMES
THE SUMMER OLYMPICS IN LONDON IS KICKING OFF ON THE 27TH OF JULY AND WE HAVE GOT THE LOW DOWN ON HOW TO PARTY YOUR WAY THROUGH THE LARGEST BI-ANNUAL INTERNATIONAL COMPETITION. NO PARTY IS COMPLETE WITHOUT COSTUMES, COCKTAILS AND APPROPRIATELY THEMED DRINKING GAMES, SO SCRIPT MAGAZINE COLLATED ALL THE ESSENTIALS TO HELP YOU PARTY IN STYLE.
GO AS: MARK SPITS
In this outfit, you better pray for some warm weather. Unfortunately the Summer Olympics in London means winter celebrations here in New Zealand. No worries, just bundle up on the way and make your grand reveal in a publicly obnoxious manner once you’re in amongst the heat of the party.
RTY
RE ORIENTATION
FEATURE
17
GH THE OLYMPICS GO AS: THE OLYMPIC TORCH
GO AS: FLO JO Spandex, acrylic nails and some teased hair will surely find you some spotlight at the party. World record holder for the 100m and 200m distance, Flo Jo is a timeless fashion icon of the Olympics. Find your most colourful long spandex and strip one of the legs to achieve this classic look.
This fiery head dress paired with a golden dress or track suit will have you leading the way to one victorious party. You’re bound to be the centre of attention amongst the crowd.
18
FEATURE
COCKTAILS What’s a bash without cocktails? Here are three Olympic styled cocktails that will really get the party started.
The Gold Medal: This cocktail is an absolutely WINNER! 1.5 oz of Smirnoff Gold tbsp. of simple sugar Topped off with dry bubbly Served with a lemon round in a champagne flute
The Adrenaline Rush: You’ll have a taurine/sugar rush bursting out of your ears with this one. 3 oz. Red Bull 3 oz. Coconut Rum Served with pineapple slice in a Highball glass
The Sharp Shooter: This tall double shot will really put a flame under your butt! 1 oz. Ouzo 1 oz. vodka 6 drops of Tabasco Served in a double shot glass and thrown back quickly.
RE ORIENTATION
PICS THE UNOFFICIAL OLYM
2012
DRINKING GAME
ANY HOSPITABLE PARTY HOST WILL HAVE APPROPRIATE ACTIVITIES PLANNED THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT. FOR AN OLYMPICS PARTY, YOU HAVE GOT TO CREATE A SENSE OF COMPETITION HENCE: PARTY GAMES. HERE ARE A COUPLE OF OLYMPIC STYLED GAMES TO KEEP THE NIGHT INTERESTING. DRINK…. Every time your home country is competing in an event Every time there is an athlete interview Every time the Queen appears on screen Every time the commentator says “innit” Whenever an aerial view shot of the venue is on screen Whenever there is a fault in a tennis or badminton match Any time you spot one of those British palace guards with fluffy black hats with wee sized golden chin straps Whenever there is a false start at any event Any time a soccer player loses his shirt Whenever the Union jack appears on screen Every time the five ring Olympic symbol cuts in to or back from commercials Whenever an athlete thanks God Whenever a gymnast fumbles With any appearance of iconic London landmarks (Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, London Eye etc…) If someone cries Whenever someone wears their country’s flag as a cape Whenever an athlete hugs their coach Beach Volleyball athletes pull out their wedgie
SKULL A BEER… If a World Record is Set A Gold medal is awarded An athlete/team is disqualified Someone bites their gold medal If someone signals “NUMBER 1” with their index finger If an athlete mouths, “I LOVE YOU MOM” to the camera If a runner trips over in their event For every wardrobe malfunction If your country wins a gold medal If a swimmer’s cap or goggles comes off If anyone receives a “PERFECT 10” If the Cook Islands receive ANY medal (in fact skull 2)
QUEENIE SAYS...
DRINK RESPONSIBLY!
FR
EE
EV
EN
FRIDAY 27 JULY FROM 3PM
AT CARRINGTON’S PUMPHOUSE
GAMES DRINK SPECIALS DJS
PRIZES FOR THOSE DRESSED TO THEME! FACEBOOK.COM/STUDENTSATUNITEC
WWW.USU.CO.NZ
T
20
COLUMN
RE ORIENTATION
Parenthood! BY: JENAYA JOHNSTON
NOBODY TELLS YOU THE HONEST TRUTH WHEN YOU’RE PREGNANT WITH YOUR FIRST. NOBODY! YOU HEAR STORIES ABOUT CRAVINGS AND REMEDIES, BIRTHING OPTIONS AND EXPERIENCES BUT NONE OF THAT MATTERS WHEN YOU ARE ABOUT TO EMBARK ON AND EXPERIENCE THE LIFE LONG JOURNEY OF PARENTHOOD… Sex makes babies – no doubt about it – and there’s often no complaints there. Pregnancy in itself is a chore; feeling like a whale while you wait a long 9 months, sleepless nights, tight clothes and having cravings from plant soil to ice cubes (true story). However, being up the duff comes with special treatment, like the ability to order 3 Big Mac’s and a side of 2 cheeseburgers without question. The baby is here, so now what? The world is against you and this baby is their leader. One tiny being can turn an entire world upside down without saying or touching a thing. They will make sure you never sleep in the same bed
"THINGS YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE REPEATED BACK AT INAPPROPRIATE TIMES - LIKE WHEN THEY PROUDLY SHOUT THE F WORD IN THE MIDDLE OF A DOCTOR APPOINTMENT. " as your partner again and sex is definitely off the menu. Trips to the supermarket will now require planning weeks in advance and even then it’s a risky move. Even if you do go, you’re bound to encounter someone who will tell you just how wonderful and well behaved their own kids are (while yours screams bloody murder). I would love to say it gets a whole lot easier, but I’d be lying. Toddler years roll along like a steam train – loud and rearing to go. They learn to answer back and seemingly con their way out of doing anything they don’t want to do. Things you say can and will be repeated back at inappropriate
times – like when they proudly shout the F word in the middle of a doctor appointment. They will jump in every puddle they come across, paint their clothes, feed their face and continue to throw tantrums on the floor regardless of how many times you bribe them with lollies. Siiiiiigh, now we get to the good part. My son is almost 4 and I can tell you now that being a mother is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It shits on everything I’ve ever done. Every mother says it and although I could write 101 things you weren’t told but should have been before conceiving a baby, I wouldn’t change my life for anything. Lack of sleep, money and sanity is a small price to pay for years of unconditional love. When I’m getting ready that little voice comes to the door and says “You look pretty Mum” my heart melts and I can’t help but laugh when I catch him doing the dougie in front of the mirror. He sings off key, loves to take pictures of himself and says the funniest things; he’s so my child! The intelligence of this tiny being never ceases to amaze me. I salute all the parents out there – especially my Mum – and I’d like to admit that karma is a bitch; because “by the time you realise your mother was right, you have a child who thinks you’re wrong”. FOLLOW JEY’S PARENTAL RANT BLOG POSTS ONLINE AT WWW. STUDENTMEDIAHUB.COM
RE ORIENTATION
COLUMNS
21
RISE
WALKING
FOR YOUR
BR AIN
BY: BRITANY DYKE
WE’RE HALF WAY TO THE END OF THE YEAR AND ONLY ONE MORE SEMESTER AWAY FROM THE LONG SUMMER BREAK! SOUNDS GREAT! HOWEVER, WE HAVE TO GET THROUGH THIS SEMESTER BEFORE WE CAN EVEN START ENJOYING THE ORK TO DO BEFORE SUMMER IS A BIT DAUNTING, SO I’VE COME UP WITH A WAY TO KEEP YOUR BRAIN TICKING UNTIL YOU CAN FINALLY RELAX, COCKTAIL IN HAND AND SUN STREAMING DOWN YOUR FACE. Subjecting your mind to the stress of uni work is tough; more so when you don’t know how to cool off and put your thoughts elsewhere. Exercising is a great way to handle all of this. Don’t be put off by the tiring, time consuming, sweaty mess it can cause because I’m going to tell you just how effective going for a simple walk can be. Walking eases the stress on your brain and will ensure that it functions effectively throughout the semester. It also allows your mind to ‘have a break’, so switch on your iPod and let your thoughts wander, all the while you’re doing your brain a favour. Going for a walk enables you to increase the oxygen flow into your brain, it also improves blood flow. Increase of blood flow to your brain actually delivers glucose which, in return, is used as energy! So why am I telling you to just go walking? Exercising heavily is good for you; however, your muscles are working harder and therefore need more oxygen and glucose which in return leaves less for the brain. Although heavy exercise does bring oxygen and glucose to the brain through blood flow, light exercise increases those amounts that are designated for mind food. So walking, easy as right? Exactly what
I thought! Take the dog, walk to the shop, or walk before class or even after. Even if you only have time to do it once a week, your brain will thank you for it. A bit of breeze and some time out for yourself will get you on the fast track to finishing this semester with flying colours and summer will soon be creeping up faster than you know it. Follow Brit’s Health and Fitness blog posts online at www.studentmediahub.com
EXERCISE CAN...
• Studies have shown that regular moderate aerobic exercise can increase the size of the part of your brain that is responsible for your memory by stimulating the birth of new neurons • Protect you from age-related degenerative conditions, such as Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease. • Improve your mood by strengthening your immune system and decrease your stress response • Help you overcome addictions as you reprogramme reward pathways in your brain, which effectively returns it to a kind of default mode.
AND
SHINE
UNITEC:
SOME INSIDER TIPS BY: VICTORIA ELKIN
New to Unitec? Welcome aboard.S tarting university for the first time can sound and feel daunting, I’ve been there, but it does not have to be that way. I remember my first day at Unitec I was lost, confused and I knew nobody. I had never been to university before so I had no idea what was expected of me or how much time I would need to sacrifice to get all my work done to the best of my ability. So I got out there and started making friends with people in my classes which made my experience at Unitec so much more fun than having lunch on my own every day. There are many ways to feel comfortable at Unitec. One of which is to get to know your way around campus with the awesome campus map or just take a wander. There is so much to offer at Unitec, so don't be shy to jump out of your comfort zone and give things a go. There are so many services available to help you through your studies so you’re never left feeling alone or stressed. These include counselling services, Te Puna Ako learning Centre, your class student rep, Maia Maori Development Centre, Student Central, Career Centre and much more. Check out the Unitec website for more information on the services available to you. The best places to hang out to make friends at Mt. Albert are the HUB, which is situated at building 180, (where all the yummy food is) and at building 172 under the white sails. I wish you all the best with your studies and don’t be shy to ask other students questions if you are unsure of where to go for your classes or if you are just plain lost looking for our services offered here at Unitec (AKA: the best tertiary institute on the planet earth). The best opportunity I have had at Unitec is being a student rep, where you get to have your say about what you’re happy with and what improvements you and your class would like. So go on, and get yourself involved!
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happy s UC Berkley in California ran a psychology class in which the students were asked to identify what exactly made them happy. The students submitted their answer to this question via video projects. Surprisingly, a large number of students submitted videos based around abstract/idealist ideas and concepts rather than tangible objects or persons. This could be due to the amount of concrete, objective thinking that students are required to exercise, meaning that students value the abstract more so than those who do not study. There are many other factors that are unique in determining the overall happiness of a Uni student. For one, students are constantly working towards an assessable achievement. So rather than just completing a task, students are then reviewed and graded according to their efforts. Evidently, student happiness levels are affected by the contentment with their own individual marks. It’s been proven that students who are happy with their marks are generally happier students overall. Seeing as you spend nearly all of your time studying and
practicing for a degree within a certain discipline, the amount of passion that a student has for his/her field of study makes a considerable difference in happiness levels. A regular full time worker puts forty hours per week into their work. As students, you know that much more than 40 hours of you time per week is spent on your studies. Therefore, taking a genuine interest in your area of study would significantly enhance your studying experience. Typically students with long term goals that incorporate their studies are able to identify with feelings of passion in their field. At another institution, Ohio State University, one hundred and fifty psychology students participated in a survey that evaluated their levels of sympathy, emotion and value placed on different experiences. These results were then compared back to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. It was determined that students place a heavy emphasis of their overall happiness based on love and belonging. This means that the relationships that are formed at Unitec (with friends, peers, partners, etc.) make up a huge part of your overall tertiary experience.
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makes a
student "TAKING A GENUINE INTEREST IN YOUR AREA OF STUDY WOULD SIGNIFICANTLY ENHANCE YOUR STUDYING EXPERIENCE. TYPICALLY STUDENTS WITH LONG TERM GOALS THAT INCORPORATE THEIR STUDIES ARE ABLE TO IDENTIFY WITH FEELINGS OF PASSION IN THEIR FIELD." SELF ACTUALISATION PERSONAL FULFILMENT, LACK OF PREJUDICE, ESTEEM NEEDS - SELF ESTEEM, RESPECT OF OTHERS & SELF, CONFIDENCE, ACHIEVEMENTS LOVE & BELONGING - FAMILY, RELATIONSHIPS, INTIMACY SAFETY NEEDS - SECURITY, PROTECTION, STABILITY ETC
PHYSIOLOGICAL NEEDS - FOOD & DRINK, SLEEP, WARMTH, SHELTER ETC
Other aspects of a students’ life that affect their happiness levels fall into the mental and physical health categories. Time management is a skill that is certainly learned throughout your time at Uni, but is it ever achieved? Students who claim to have a good grasp of their time management skills report being happier than those who feel that they do not have a grasp on their priorities. Physical activity also plays a large part in student happiness. An active body creates an active mind, which would therefore ease the stress that students endure. It is recommended that individuals get at least thirty minutes of cardiovascular activity each day, so maybe consider walking across campus next time to grab a bite to eat! For a bit of motivation regarding happiness around your tertiary work, check out this Ted Talk with Shawn Anchor, “The Happy Secret to Better Work”
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COLUMN
25
m e h y MaMiracles and
k a e r b r ove NE B Y: J A Y
KING
HAVE YOU EVER HAD ONE OF THOSE EPIC NIGHTS WHERE YOU WAKE UP IN A COLD SWEAT AND CRINGE WITH SHAME AS SPORADIC VISUAL FLASHBACKS OF THE NIGHT BEFORE, ENTER YOUR MIND SPACE? WELL I HAVEN’T. (*LAUGHS WILDLY AND STARTS SINGING SHAGGY “IT WASN’T ME”...) Kiwi Hip Hop artist ‘SAVAGE’ dropped his latest album “MAYHEM & MIRACLES” recently. A release party for the album was hosted at The Waterfront bar in downtown Auckland city. I was invited by a friend to join in on the festivities, and was informed that my name plus two would be on the door list. Elated that all assignments had ceased haunting me and that semester one had officially finished; l decided to go and check it out. Upon arrival to the downtown area, we were immediately accosted by some random chicks, offering us a stamp to receive $5 drinks inside the bar. Being the cynical one of our party I reluctantly offered my hand as they looked like lost backpackers looking to score! In a nanosecond, just like in the movies, I quietly pondered, why was this backpacker offering us a stamp to receive discounted drinks? Obviously I had not frequented the downtown area in a while, because apparently this is ‘how they dooz it’! The taunts from my friends to “hurry up and do it Jayne”, prompted me to get stamped and quickly dispel all fears and stories of being ‘roofied’ at the bar. Hand stamped, friends happy, clickety click from our heels and we were up in the club. Inside the main area there was a secured VIP area with celebs, beautiful people and copious amounts of alcohol. The club was banging out strange dance music and surprisingly (*eyes roll) the dance floor was packed with scantily dressed bodies. A quick glance up at that DJ explained why there were cheesy club hits coming from the speakers. I won’t name and shame the culprit, but I sure as hell won’t be attending another gig that he’s playing at. Never the less, one tweet out and a few $5 vodkas later, a new DJ was up to reclaim this Hip Hop party that I had eagerly anticipated. Maybe those vodkas kicked in earlier than expected because the next thing I know, I’m up doing the ‘Dougie’ in the velvet roped area and drinking the good shiz’ with the music celebs. YOUNG SID, HORSEMEN, SIR-VERE and SCRIBE were in the house. Apparently there were other celebs there too, but being the humble disciple of Russian Pyccknn Ctahoapt, I was engrossed in deep conversation with some old friends and failed to notice them (and that’s all I’m going to say!). However, I immediately knew when DJ SIR-VERE had hit the tables. The tempo in the tracks amped up a few notches, and the bass thumped out like it was New Years Eve. His phenomenal taste
in music always hypes a crowd so it was no surprise to see him play a ‘mint set’ before SAVAGE came on stage. When the main man himself hit the mike- the club was packed to full capacity and the energy was alight. I sidled up alongside Scribe and hustled a few videos to take home. SAV’ performed his earlier renowned tracks: Swing, Wild Out and Not Many, before busting out his new ‘Twerk’ jam. The crowd received all his tracks with full gusto and rapture. SAV had the crowd hyped and ready to party. I’m far from being a music expert but I reckon
MAYBE THOSE VODKAS KICKED IN EARLIER THAN EXPECTED BECAUSE THE NEXT THING I KNOW, I'M UP DOING THE 'DOUGIE' IN THE VELVET ROPED AREA AND DRINKING THE GOOD SHIZ' WITH THE MUSIC CELEBS. this Mayhem & Miracles album is sure to be another massive club banger in the next few months to come. My respect for SAV extends to so many levels - as an artist, a rapper, a father and ultimately, as a hard working man trying to provide security for his family. SAVAGE may be a lot of different things to many people, but he is forging positive new opportunities for other young men who hail from South Auckland. His album is filled with a variety of tracks to suit all music lovers. Listen to the album; it is riddled with some phat beats and a true life story. My fave tracks are #9 Everywhere I Go and #11 I Promise. The rest of the night was a bit of a blur, but all I can say to the rumours is “DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU HEAR”!
FOLLOW ME @DREAMYJAYNE ON TWITTER FOR MORE LAUGHS AND RANDOM JIBBER JABBER.
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HORRIBLE
C I S S A L C E T A M S E L I FLAT F PRO EATS
ALL
YOUR
FOOD
YOU’VE HEARD YOUR MATES COMPLAINING ABOUT THEM. YOU’VE READ ABOUT THE HORROR STORIES ONLINE. HELL, SOME OF YOU HAVE EVEN HAD TO SHARE LIVING SPACES WITH THESE PEOPLE. HORRIBLE FLATMATES. THE THING ABOUT THEM IS, THEY DON’T COME IN ONE SHAPE OR SIZE; HORRIBLE FLATMATES COME IN ALL SHADES. HERE ARE SOME OF THE CLASSICS TO LOOK OUT FOR.
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EMOTIONA
L
ISSUES
NAL ISSUES THE ONE WHO HAS DEEP DARK EMOTIO she (or he—but let’s
because You have to be careful about this one, as a great potential flatmate off es com often not) ably prob it, face off well and good, laughs at at the beginning. Everything will start s together on a Friday night. the dinner table, silly flat pranks, drink l wildly out of control. By the This is where things will likely spira the second bottle of bubbles open time this emotional wreck pops , via her tear ducts. You’ll , the hormonal floodgates burst open and how happy he looks in get an earful about her ex boyfriend girlfriend. Don’t UNDER ANY all his facebook photos with his new lder to cry on. In fact, it shou the as self CIRCUMSTANCE lend your that you’re a psychology major would be best to casually mention ook case of a lack of paternal and her emotional traumas are a textb in HER best interest to move be ld wou it presence in her life. Maybe back in with the folks?
D THE ONE WHO EATS ALL OF YOUR FOO days’ and you’re
of ‘those We have all been there. It’s been one vers just waiting for you at lefto ese Chin the for kful ultimately than e, lo and behold, your hom get home in the refrigerator. When you a lingering stench is there yet d, foun Chinese is no where to be micro-waved chow mein. What that smells suspiciously of recently ng flatmate decided to top the F*$%!! Not only that, but your darli tomato sauce. When you your of last off his Chinese feast with the of your mind, you find piece a him give to pound down the door chips…but, “don’t worry man, him arm deep in your bag of potato shops next week”. Yea…. the he’ll pay you back when he hits up right.
SEARCHES THE ONE THAT YIELDS DODGY GOOGLEquarters under
your living This flatmate is likely welcomed into lack of eye contact and His . nces msta circu desperate financial paperwork spark your mismatched surnames on move-in rally, you turn to the ultimate suspicions nearly immediately. Natu sifies the concerns you have inten only h whic truth bank—Google, Archived newspapers clippings in sharing a toilet seat with this guy. cruelty seem to trend under al surrounding paedophilia and anim tigation, you discover inves ul caref his name search. Under more and entering intruder which amateur sketches of a recent breaking the dude in your kitchen. bare uncomfortable resemblance to
OCD
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THE ONE WHO DOESN’T ACTUALLY LIVE THERE, BUT DATES SOMEONE WHO DOES
You take an early day from Uni and look so forward to the prospect of getting home first for once for a few quiet hours to yourself. Despite your highest hopes, you return home to find your flatmate’s girlfriend lying on the couch watching re-runs of Shortland Street. Remnants of her lunchtime attempts at domestic godessness are sprawled all over the kitchen bench. You drown your frustrations in chores you’ve been putting on the back burner, only to find that the washing machine is already occupied with your NON flatmate’s ‘delicate cycle’. Oh yea? You think that washing powder paid for itself?! Cough up a few bucks honey.
THE ONE WHO ARRANGES REFRIGERATOR CONDIMENTS IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER (AKA: THE OCD ONE)
You just put away the rest of the dishes and gave the bench a solid wipe down only to spy your flatmate staring judgementally from behind her “House and Gardens” magazine. Within five minutes, she’s rearranged all the cutlery and re-wiped the entire surface area of the flat. This is all well and fine until the passive aggressive notes follow the next morning, reprimanding you for using the same tea towel to wipe the bench AND the dining table. God forbid. This flatmate is a notorious party pooper, obsessively disinfecting the furniture when your Westie mates show up.
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# MY FLATMATE
My flatmate moved in with my boyf riend and I for 2 weeks while he waited for his passport to arrive so he could move to Australia. When he arrived, his girlfriend (who we had never met or heard of before) was attached to his arm – her bags also in tow. Long story short, his 2 week stay turned into 6 months. During those 6 months he paid no rent, ate all of our food, smoked all of our cigarettes and lay around the hous e like a slob. He was an old and close friend of my boyfriend so he didn’t have the heart to kick him out on the street while he waited for his passport to arrive. He was however quiet and okay to be around when he wasn’t scabbing something, so I’d give him a 5/10 on a good - bad flatmate scale. His girlfriend however was a whole different story. #MYFLATMATESUCKS The first night my flatmate arrived she told us she was a back up dancer for a few celebrities and was planning on starting her own dance academy in Australia. She hadn ’t been dancing for a while though because of apparent knee surg ery. Turns out she was one of those ‘dance in club and pretend you’re in a video clip’ kinda girls. Later on down the track I aske d her how she had met her boyfriend. She told me they met onlin e and the first time they ever actually PHYSICALLY met was when they both arrived and moved in to our house… WTF?!!! #MYFLAT MATESUCKS I once lived with a girl that I can vouc h for as the most disgusting girl you will ever come across. Not once in the 6 months she lived with us did we see or hear her have a shower. Her clothes told a different story – one that said “NEV ER SHOWERED OR WASHED MY CLOTHES EVER”. There was stain ed underwear shoved in the corners of the wardrobe and everythin g I touched smelt like vomit, body odour and urine. I gave up (mor e like passed out) after a minute of being in the room and neve r went back. Then she had the nerve to add me on Facebook. Pffft. I envy the people she lives with now… not. #MYFLATMATESU CKS
SUCKS
e head u live with them. Th ow anyone until yo in. He d ve mo we You never really kn y from the da an irritating twat ht we ug tho he of the house was ere wh d us us all and even tol pped allocated rooms to . Errr… not handica etc rs we dra the d, be the front ce in pla d ld an ou er sh in the show end a longer time . There did e us ho dude. He would sp the in ter or anyone else sis his n tha and it r air rro of the mi d moisturiser in the ell of hairspray an sm ing t an tan cle ns a co a up s t wa d he had se . A month later an nth mo A . ge frid didn’t belong to me the s on for the 5 of us. It wa t on and cooking roster consequence shee d an t en hm nis pu a s wa re oking the co t the tha after by the rules of who didn’t abide s wa e ns pe ex the fridge for those le Every litt ule. It gets worse. s never ate tm fla and cleaning sched the of e the last cent and on t of calculated down to D accountant all ou e. This threw the OC d ise an org d an paid his rent on tim ol, calm ts. He went from co ntrol co to ed whack. He went nu ed ne t e tha to a freak of natur out, and even (insert name here) s to say we moved les ed Ne e. on ery ev d an ng ing move thi lat ery lcu ev xes and ca s restacking our bo nd the day frie a t los when we did he wa we think it’s fair to say I . ain ag r ve Ne . out costs TMATESUCKS t place lol. #MYFLA we moved into tha die for, hair that gorgeous, body to ly me tre ex s wa gle My flatmate she was also… sin at Sunsilk ad and gre a for endent ke ep ma ind would e, single and s). Being young, fre about ter bit en oft (voluntarily she say s t. However, she wa fee r he at rld ) or wo ed she had the boyfriend includ er (myself and the eth tog n’t les do I . up co gle g seein fact she was sin mention about the t tha ak bre art even the slightest m a past he maybe wounds fro – or ht Rig Mr d know what it was, fin n’t could or just the fact she cially hadn’t healed yet is perfectly and so ht Rig rs (M to nt wa n’t did her e sh ice e vo yb ma was she would days). Whatever it ” or OM RO A acceptable these T GE t “EW ance she would ge opinions at any ch ATESUCKS TM LA YF #M ”. ED “YOU’RE SO WHIPP ke s guy has that ma about the habits thi ugh: He tho few I could write a book a me na st to him go insane. Ju one and everyone around are them with every sh s, tte are cig of have n’t did we would buy a pack ek. When the rest of the we for butts g kin loo then scab off us for de tsi ou nt through the pot pla On every any he would sift rs and filters (ew). pe pa th wi er eth pboard cu r ou m and piece them tog ssing fro would find food mi told We it. t mi other occasion, we ad n’t s him yet he would wa it ew kn He still all m. We space. would be no proble asked FIRST there he ole as wh g lon the as on him ng a padlock We ended up putti chen. kit the in e wouldn’t admit it. ac sp other ving his food to an re out. He cupboard and mo us (except him) we of all ile wh n ke bro s wa ck noodles dlo of pa et The it was a pack our food. Whether deny it. d an – it still denied eating t ea fridge he would the in ers tov lef or week old UCKS #MYFLATMATES
POSTS
RE ORIENTATION
Square
PERFORMED AT THE BASEMENT THEATRE
REVIEW
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Eye Pair WRITTEN BY HAMISH PARKINSON AND ELI MATTHEWSON DIRECTED BY CHRIS NEELS
REVIEWED BY VIV FROST
AS SOON AS YOU WALKED INTO THE THEATRE SQUARE EYE PAIR, AWARDED ‘BEST COMEDY AT THE 2011 COMEDY FRINGE FESTIVAL', WAS READY AND WAITING FOR YOU. TWO NERDY AND SLIGHTLY GAWKY CHARACTERS SIT ON THEIR SCUNGY UNIVERSITY COUCH STARING APPARENTLY BLANKLY AHEAD OF THEM. THE COUCH IS SURROUNDED BY CHIP PACKETS, A DISCARDED EZY-KRUNCH EXERCISE EQUIPMENT BOX AND BROOMS THAT HAVE CLEARLY NOT BEEN USED FOR SOME TIME. THE TWO LEAD CHARACTERS HAVE A PERFECT TV COMA EXPRESSION. The two main characters are Max and Richard. Max is played by Eli Matthewson, who is an actor and comedian currently studying at Unitec’s School of Performing and Screen Arts (and was also nominated for ‘Best Newcomer’ at the New Zealand International Comedy Festival). Richard was played by Hamish Parkinson who is also an actor, writer and director. The two are highschool friends who dreamed of being rich and famous but haven’t strayed far from the couch. To introduce their characters and enlighten the viewers on their relationship they creatively ‘pause’ each other with the TV remote as they talk directly to the audience about each other then press play to resume back to ‘real time’. Richard tells how Max was the fat kid that every one made fun of, and Max shares a different perspective of Richard being the skinny nerd who needed his help and protection to survive school, especially from characters such as Dorothy who they describe as the “future lesbian programme to hate men”. Actor Elise Whitson, a graduate from Unitec’s school of Performing and Screen Arts, plays the three female characters (Dorothy, Grace and Tracey Tryst). Each of her characters appears from behind the couch, as a clever form of back stage curtain. Elise makes the transformation effortlessly, changing costume and character whilst entering and disappearing fittingly. The awkward nerdy friends go through the show referring to many mainstream TV and movies including Star Wars, Pokémon, Third Rock from the Sun, (even Shortland Street gets a mention). A female distraction starts to turn their TV orientated world on its head, as the main characters wrestle between reality and the fictional world they see on TV and in their computer games. The characters are disturbingly well cast providing believability and many of the laugh out loud moments are driven by the maxim ‘It’s funny because it is true’.
The next chance you have to see this play will be in Edinburgh, but when it comes back to Kiwiland, make an effort to see it. I left the theatre knowing I had witnessed some special talent, by the time you read this the show’s season will be finished in Auckland and it will next be performed at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. But as surely as cream rises to the top of milk, this show will be back in Auckland and you must see it. Since this will only be the beginning for these actors, and writers, soon they will probably apply for funding to NZ on Air to make a pilot for their show! Perhaps their success
I LEFT THE THEATRE KNOWING I HAD WITNESSED SOME SPECIAL TALENT, BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS THE SHOW'S SEASON WILL BE FINISHED IN AUCKLAND AND IT WILL NEXT BE PERFORMED AT THE EDINBURGH FRINGE FESTIVAL. BUT AS SURELY AS CREAM RISES TO THE TOP OF MILK, THIS SHOW WILL BE BACK IN AUCKLAND AND YOU MUST SEE IT. will lead to a movie, which will follow in the footsteps of The Flight of the Concords’ journey to stardom. But when that happens you will want to be able to say, you saw and supported them before they were well known, and that you were a true believer. So I encourage you when the chance comes, make sure you see this funny and entertaining show and support these up and coming talents. If you want to find out more about these talented locals and how you could help them get to perform at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, check out their fundraising page on www.pledgeme.co.nz
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HOROSCOPES
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HOROSCOPES CANCER
21 JUNE-22 JULY DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THE MONOTONY AND OVERWHELMING SENSE OF INESCAPABLE ROUTINE IN YOUR LIFE. THINGS ARE ABOUT TO CHANGE, BUT THE CHANGE WILL ONLY SURFACE IF YOU WORK FOR IT. PUT YOUR HEART AND SOUL INTO THE UPCOMING OPPORTUNITY, AS IT WILL LEAD THE WAY TO MORE EXCITEMENT IN THE COMING MONTHS. LEO (23 JULY-22 AUG)
CAPRICORN (22 DEC-19 JAN)
Recent successes have you feeling like you’re walking sky high, but don’t let the comfort of past accomplishments let you cruise into August—keep up the hard work! Things are likely to speed up romantically in the next month so keep your smiling face held high.
Your work will bring you more personal fulfilment this month, and as a result you will see dramatic successes and recognition. This is a great opportunity to push for that promotion you’ve been thinking about.
VIRGO (23 AUG-22 SEPT)
You have been feeling like a bit of a home-body lately. Don’t let the winter months send you in to a deep hibernation. Make an effort to stay social this month as you’re likely to meet someone who will help you develop your spiritual opinions.
Do not judge yourself in comparison to others. Remember that you determine your own fate, so make decisions accordingly NOW! Use the past only as a reference and move forward confidently. Be cautious of your financial habits, don’t go too overboard this month.
LIBRA (23 SEPT-22 OCT)
This is a good time to lean on those who are close to you; they are there for support and encouragement. You are feeling more anxious than usual, but if you seize control of the situation you will come out higher than you imagined. Take advantage of long-distance opportunities, as they are bound to reward you financially.
SCORPIO (23 OCT-21 NOV)
There are signs of a very deep connection with someone during this time. Whether you are in a relationship, or meeting someone new, the fiery feelings are hard to ignore. Think very carefully about the major changes you are looking to make in your life before you pursue anything.
SAGITTARIUS (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Team work will yield very positive results this month. Chase after the opportunities to work closely with someone on a passion project or assignment. This month will prove difficult in terms of finances. Just make sure to pinch some pennies to save for an unexpected investment.
AQUARIUS (20 JAN-18 FEB)
PISCES (19 FEB-20 MAR)
This month you will see a lot of love from your family and friends. Your recent vulnerabilities surrounding your health will bring together people who care for you and you’ll see who your true family and friends are. Work has been a bit exhausting, but push through it because you are about to see a great pay out for your efforts.
ARIES (21 MAR-19 APR)
Finances have never been easier to manage. Your hard work and recent responsibility have certainly paid off. Your recent spike in interest regarding your studies will lead to a larger realization regarding your universal purpose. Embrace the knowledge directed towards you, the gods are trying to tell you something.
TAURUS (20 APR-20 MAY)
Although things have seemed very hectic, don’t loose sight of the things that are most important. Look out for small cries for help that a loved one can’t quite put into words. Alternatively, be cautious of relationships that lure you in with material temptation.
GEMINI (21 MAY-20 JUNE)
Following up on charitable opportunities will yield a massive personal pay off. Take the lessons you learn from this experience and apply them to your greater scope of life. Your social tendencies present lots of promising prospects in the near future.
PUZZLES
WORD SEARCH BACK TO SCHOOL
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SUDOKU
STUDENT POLL: PARTICIPATE IN OUR POLL ON FACEBOOK: WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/STUDENTSATUNITEC WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PINTEREST?
I love Pinterest! I use it all the time! I fell off the Pinterest train a long time ago I can’t be bothered with another social media profile What is Pinterest?
In the Hub (Bldg. 180) on 24 July from 10 AM
“GOT THE JOB!”..... AND SO CAN YOU
CAREERS DAY
WEDNESDAY AUGUST 15 11AM-2PM IN THE HUB
usu Students’Association at Unitec
WWW.USU.CO.NZ