Gay San Diego, Vol. 10, Issue 2 by Lgbtqsdnews

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Volume 10 Issue 2 Jan. 18 - 31, 2019

Gay San Diego launches new website Page 4

Gender transition is as much mental as physical

COMMUNITY VOICES

By Dave Schwab

More sex is good for you

7 COMMUNITY VOICES

LGBT candidates for 2020

INTERVIEW

‘Trans’formation Kink, comedy and homophobia with Margaret Cho

DINING

James Sabolek opens up about gender identity, and how gender is not as rigid and inflexible as people think.

Your daughter just became your son. So what? Gender is overrated, say the Sabolek family of Ocean Beach, which just dealt with daughter Carol using hormone replacement at 25 years old, to transform into James. Just how disruptive can a child’s gender change be to a family? It all depends on the dynamics of the individuals — and families — involved. A tomboy growing up, James Sabolek, who no longer answers to Carol, never felt out of place in his skin. “I didn’t feel an overwhelming desire for male genitalia,” he said. “But something did feel ‘off’ once I started puberty. I never did like ‘girly’ things.” Admitting to “resentment toward puberty and my body changing,” James nonetheless expressed difficulty differentiating those feelings from just being a “tumultuous teen.”

(Photo illustration by Crystal Hoyt)

see Transformation, pg 4

A vision

GAY NEWS BRIEFS

HTC arts committee chair paves his way in the Hillcrest art scene

Culinary owner casts a spell with sandwich menu

Index Opinion ................................... 6 Classifieds............................ 13 Business & Services ............ 13 Puzzle ................................... 14

Todd Gloria announces mayoral candidacy

California State Assemblymember Todd Gloria, leader of the 78th District covering many San Diego neighborhoods, announced his candidacy for the city’s mayor in the upcoming 2020 race. In a video posted to Facebook, Gloria paints his experiences as a third generation San Diegan and previous city leader while railing against longstanding issues facing the county.

By Jess Winans Erik Benson has a vision. He wants to make Hillcrest pop. As the newly launched Hillcrest Town Council Arts Committee chair, he intends to “work hand in hand with every other committee, association or activist in Hillcrest to create an ArtWalk-like festival” for artists in the neighborhood.

see Erik, pg 3

Committee chair Erik Benson appreciating a Hillcrest mural

see News Briefs, pg 3

(Photo by Jess Winans)

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GAY SAN DIEGO Jan. 18 - 31, 2019

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FEATURE / NEWS

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GAY SAN DIEGO Jan. 18 - 31, 2019

FROM PAGE 1

ERIK

“We would allow LGBTQ+ artists and allies alike to present their artwork within multiple days,” he continued. “I want to incorporate every local bar and business here, too, so it’s not only the art strip on Normal Street. I want it to be an art pub crawl as well or just include everybody as a town so that it brings income, creativity and hope.” Benson’s Hillcrest art career began in 2014. After living in California for an internship while he was in college, Benson decided to move to the area permanently to be an event planner. “I had a job at Stone Brewing where I interned as an event planner and did events, birthday parties, weddings, business dinners and stuff like that,” he said. “From there, I went to work in the nightlife scene here in Hillcrest.” Benson — who referred to himself as “kind of a secret artist” at the time — hit the ground running in Hillcrest, hosting art nights at #1 Fifth Avenue, which he still does. His first show featured 25 of his own paintings; he sold all but three of them that night. Benson continued trying to plan the art nights but was unable to keep them operating. He didn’t have the connections needed for the concept to thrive in the Hillcrest

FROM PAGE 1

NEWS BRIEFS A Clairemont native, Gloria has never been shy about his working-class background or his personal ties to San Diego. After graduating from the University of San Diego, Gloria entered public service as part of the county’s Health and Human Services Agency. In 2005, he was elected to City Council’s District 3 and went on to chair both the Budget Committee as well as the Smart Growth and Land-Use Committee. Following the resignation of Mayor Bob Filner, Gloria acted as interim mayor. While acting as mayor, Gloria authored the Climate Action Plan which sought to eliminate half of all greenhouse emissions in San Diego by 2035. He is also credited with comprising the city’s minimum wage and sick leave ordinance. As a member of the State Assembly, Gloria has served in leadership roles, manning the position of Majority Whip. He worked closely with prior Gov. Jerry Brown, earning the Governor’s signature on nearly 30 pieces of legislation on issues including affordable housing, gun regulation, and climate change. “As Mayor, I intend to address the issues facing everyday San Diegans like housing affordability, access to public transportation and good jobs, and putting an end to homelessness,” Gloria said in a press release. “It’s time San Diego

Some of Benson’s art, which has been featured at #1 Fifth Avenue art nights (Photos courtesy Erik Benson) area and ended up moving to North County, where he worked as a wedding planner for nine months. Benson said that after 126 weddings, he felt he had hit his glass ceiling of his wedding-planning career. His decreased passion combined with his yearning for Hillcrest prompted him to take a leap of faith and move back. “I missed Hillcrest when I left — this is my home … I love everything about this town, even the crosswalk sounds at night,” he said. “When I moved [back to Hillcrest], I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I came became a city of opportunity that invests in every neighborhood so that every person and family who calls San Diego home can see a future here for them, their children, and their grandchildren.” If elected, Gloria would be the first person of color as well as the first LGBTQ person to serve as the city’s mayor.

Chris Ward announced bid for 78th district

City Council member Chris Ward revealed plans to campaign for the California State Assembly representing the 78th District. The seat is being vacated by outgoing Assembly member Todd Gloria, who recently announced his own campaign for San Diego mayor. “This is a critical time to serve, and we must seize the opportunity to set the standard for the state and the rest of our nation. As the father of two young children, I’m living the logistical and financial challenges families face, and the concerns of today and tomorrow motivate me to do more,” Ward said in a press release. “The California Dream should be attainable for all; we need to make sure the tools are provided, and the safety net is strong for our most vulnerable.” He noted his dedication to solving problems that have long plagued the district, including affordable housing, job growth, and concerns of climate change from the perspective of a major coastal community.

see News Briefs, pg 15

back with no apartment and no plan.” Benson doesn’t remember much from the two weeks he spent homeless, mostly wandering around town from place to place on foot, but also sleeping on the streets for four days. His experience with homelessness makes him sympathetic to the financial struggles of others, particularly artists. He provides materials to these individuals to sell their work for alongside his nonprofit B2 Creative Productions. “I refuse to charge [artists] for their commissions for the art shows that [B2 Creative Productions] have

because I’ve been there,” he said. “I’ve been in situations where money is tight. This [art show] may be the opportunity that changes someone’s life when they get recognized by a certain someone or realize that they have the potential. If I can put a smile on somebody’s face, I appreciate that smile that much more because I remember that feeling.” Benson said he hopes to bring his expertise in wedding planning and experience in the Hillcrest arts community to help add more color to the streets of Hillcrest, alongside other artists and community members. The

HTC’s new arts committee comes during a bloom of arts in Hillcrest. Case in point: The Studio Door recently took over the vacant American Apparel retail space on Fourth Avenue and will be opening on Feb. 1. The Studio Door, owned and operated by Patric Stillman, is an art center and studio space that hosts art classes, business classes and special events. Back in July of this year, the gallery had to shut its doors in North Park after its landlord raised its monthly rent from $2,000 to $9,000. “I was looking all over from La Mesa to Imperial Valley to North County and I just wasn’t finding the right spot for the new location,” Stillman said. “I was starting to feel disappointed that I couldn’t get anything happening. My partner encouraged me to go out one more time to places like [the American Apparel shop] that had been vacant for a long time and try to make a clear negotiation. I found somebody who was arts-sympathetic. This is a family-owned building and they were excited to have me take over the space.” The space will feature a gallery, museum store and will host classes for not only artists, but art patrons on how to acquire art and support artists in the community. —Reach Jess Winans at jess@sdcnn.com.t

NEWS / FEATURE

GAY SAN DIEGO Jan. 18 - 31, 2019

A new look for a new year Gay San Diego launches new updated website

Albert H. Fulcher | Editor With the new year ringing in 2019, Gay San Diego completely revamped its website, making it more user-friendly and mobile-responsive with many new features helping to enhance our online reader’s experience. With the new makeover, we are able to provide new services to augment our print edition, including more photos in our OUT & About Gay San Diego section, podcasts, videos, audio and more. Readers will also be able to keep track of our social media feeds and our digital calendar — all in one convenient location. It also allows Gay San Diego to publish additional content in between issues as necessary. One of our new features also links you to our neighborhood newspapers that cross serve the San Diego community: San Diego Uptown News, San Diego Downtown News, Mission Times Courier, Mission Valley News and La Mesa Courier. The ongoing project has been an arduous process — especially as it’s done in-house by our website and social media managers Jess Winans and Sara Butler — and is now something that Gay San Diego is proud to announce. The hard work has paid off, and we are ecstatic with the new results. So far, just in two issues, with the new tools, our stories

(CanStockPhoto.com)

have shown a dramatic increase in traffic, more shares and reads to our local coverage. This will not diminish our bi-weekly publications in any way, but we believe that it is imperative that our website works in tandem and expands the scope of news, features and stories to continuously involve our readers. When prompted, please add your email address so that you will receive our newsletters, which will give you a glimpse of what we have out in print as well as online-only content. It is our ultimate goal to be as engaged online as we strive to be in the community. Please take time to wander through gay-sd.com and provide us with feedback on what more you would like to see as this is still a project in motion. —Albert Fulcher can be reached at albert@sdcnn.com. [Graphic provided by www. canstockphoto.com]t

FROM PAGE 1

TRANSFORMATION “Gender isn't terribly important to me (probably surprising),” James said. “I don't feel it has much bearing on my identity. I am who I am. It just turns out I prefer looking male and having testosterone in my system to the alternative.” James’ mom, Cassandra, wasn’t taken aback when she learned Carol wanted to become James. “I was never really ‘shocked,’ ” Cassandra admitted. “James always expressed a disdain for most things ‘feminine.’ I remember buying him a T-shirt (black, with the logo for the band Korn, his teen favorite) and I passed his bedroom door and saw him trying to scrape the glitter out of the logo on the shirt … he always hated anything pink, glittery, flowered, etc. “The only concern I had was that I remembered how I was at age 25, and I was worried he would make physical changes that couldn’t be undone 10 years later if he changed his mind,” she added. James credits his girlfriend, Nannette Ralphs, for convincing him to “just do it [transform], given how often I talked about it. I actually remember the first time I said aloud, ‘I am trans,’ and it felt really good. It was about three months before I

TheCenTeR events @TheCen Mobile Medical Unit

started hormone-replacement therapy, and at the very beginning of my search for a gender therapist.” James’ first step approaching a gender therapist involved an email. “I went into detail for the first time about how confused I felt about gender after learning that it isn't necessarily set in stone, and that the more I thought about it, the more sure I felt that the category of ‘woman’ didn't fit me,” he said. “Then we met in person, but it was less about ‘proving’ that I was trans, and more her accepting me and guiding me to the ‘what next.’ She pretty much just provided validation and resources.” James’ significant other, Nannette, who is LGBT, said James “always” showed symptoms of gender dysphoria [stress]. “He would talk, semi-jokingly, ‘about maybe just transitioning.’ And I'd reply, ‘Alright.’ But gradually, he began to mean it more and more. And I started to mean it too, until he was flat out admitting he wanted to transition. And I was flat out telling him to find a therapist and a doctor and start the process.” Sex reassignment surgery for female-to-male transgender people includes a variety of surgical procedures that alter female anatomical traits to provide physical traits more appropriate to the trans man's male identity and function.. Many trans men eschew genital reassignment surgery for other surgical options,

including bilateral mastectomy (breast removal) and chest contouring (providing male chest shape), and hysterectomy (the removal of internal sex organs). Sex reassignment surgery is usually preceded by beginning hormone replacement with testosterone. James experienced difficulty with hormones prior to his transitioning. “Anything hormonal with regards to estrogen [female hormone] was unpleasant for me, including several attempts to use hormonal birth control that made any ability I had to regulate my emotions seem to go away,” he said. “Once I was on testosterone [male hormone], my emotions felt more like my emotions, and less like something I had to endure apart from myself.” Nannette was always supportive of James’ gender transition. “The gender dysphoria he experienced was anxiety-inducing and frustrating for him, and, because I care about him, I would feel similarly amped up by his distress,” she said. “So supporting him felt like the natural thing to do. He was really unhappy, and I wanted him to be happy. He needed to [transition].” Nannette characterized James’ transformation as a “shared” experience. “We were learning something new together: And that's fun,” she said. “And he was becoming more confident in his body, and that translated so

see Transformation, pg 12

SAN DIEGO CAREER FAIR Meet face to face with the BEST Employers in the Greater San Diego Area.

Tuesday, Jan. 22

Mondays, 3-7 pm, The Center The Family Health Centers of San Diego Mobile Medical Unit will be located in The Center’s parking lot every Monday! Services include basic primary care, immunizations, PrEP (through Rx), STD screening & treatment, chest/breast cancer screening, family planning, pap smears, pregnancy testing, hormone therapy and sick & well visits. Contact The Center at 619.692.2077 x211 to make an appointment!

Tuesday, Jan. 22

Senior Food Bank

Young Men’s Discussion Group 7:30 pm, The Center

Activity, discussion and social group for young men, ages 18-34, to connect, socialize, network and make friends. The group addresses relationships, sexual health, activism, community building and more. For more information, contact Aaron heier at 619.692.2077 x211, or aheier@thecentersd.org.

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Sunday, Feb. 17

Tantrums & Tiaras

1 pm, The Center The Senior Food Bank Program provides food and nutrition education to eligible low-income seniors 60 years or older on the 4th Tuesday of every month. Eligible applicants can enroll in the program by applying in person at our site on the day of the event or call the Jacobs & Cushman San Diego Food Bank at 866.350.3663. For more information, visit the San Diego Food Bank website or contact LaRue Fields at seniors@thecentersd.org or 619.692.2077 x205.

www.thecentersd.org The San Diego LGBT Community Center 3909 Centre Street • 619-692-2077 Twitter: @LGBTCenter

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6-10 pm, The Observatory, north Park Join us for Tantrums & Tiaras – Battle of the Bar Queens on Sunday, Feb. 17! The contestants are breaking in their highest heels in preparation for what will be the best show yet. As you know, these “queens” have little to no experience in drag and will be competing in swimsuit, evening gown, and the oh-so-popular talent categories. You have no idea what’s in store but you won’t want to miss it! This fierce show benefits the programs and services of The Center. Tickets are now on sale at www.TantrumsTiaras.org.

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GAY SAN DIEGO Jan. 18 - 31, 2019

A great diversity of people together is the key to great friendships Back Out with Benny Ben Cartwright

don’t make New Year’s resolutions anymore — they’re total setups for failure. To those of who made any kind of resolution, though, I wish you the best of luck and hope you succeed in whatever personal or professional goal you want to achieve. With that said, this new year, there is a new way of looking at something in my life that has bothered me for some time. I’m not much of a reality TV watcher, and definitely never really been into “The Real Housewives” franchise, but lately, when I’ve been over at my friend Rick Cervantes’ house, he’s been watching whatever the most recent season of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” is on Netflix … and I admit, I got hooked. The petty fighting, drama, and excess can suck you in pretty easily. My favorite character on the show, besides the fabulous Lisa Vanderpump, is Kyle Richards. To me, she seems like one

of the kinder, more together cast members, and I like her on-screen personality. In one particular episode (super fans: forgive me if I have some of the details wrong — it’s the basic premise that is the point of this!), Kyle was speaking to another cast member about an upcoming celebratory trip to Las Vegas that she was planning. There was concern because some of the ladies do not all like each other, but Kyle didn’t want to have to say she wasn’t going to invite so and so because she doesn’t get along with so and so. Instead, she made a decision: I will invite all my friends, whether they like each other or not, and it will be their decision to be an adult and get along with whomever for the weekend or choose to not come. I loved that! For so many years, I have had friends and acquaintances who don’t like each other for a variety of reasons, and it can make for such awkward, frustrating, and just annoying situations. The reasons various friends don’t like each other run the gamut, from petty things like “I think he talks too much” to friends who literally have legal disputes with each other. I’m tired of

making plans with friends and having to keep a mental recollection of who I can’t invite because they may not get along or having to hide my social media posts from certain people, so I don’t have to hear it from them about why I was hanging out with certain people. Enough is enough. We’re all adults, including me, and I’m going to hang out with and associate with whomever I want and no longer worry about which of my other friends will be upset by it. I’m a social person and I’ve got a pretty diverse group of friends and acquaintances who are of all backgrounds, ages, political persuasions, religions (or non-religions), activists, party animals, professionals, creatives, and so much more. Now I get that some people have some fundamental disagreements over things like politics — but I do a pretty good job filtering who I associate with, and I would never force any friend to associate with someone who doesn’t believe in basic human rights for all people. Besides that, everything else is just differences of opinion or personality. If I’m going to host a

Have more sex, it’s good for you! Life Beyond Therapy Michael Kimmel

owadays, in many ways, sex gets a bad rap: anonymous sex, unsafe sex, addictive sex, hook-up sex … you know. I’d like to focus on the other side of sex: all the ways that it’s good for us. I researched this online, because – although I have more than two decades of experience as a psychotherapist helping individuals and couples have good, healthy sex lives – I wanted more hard data/ research to back up what I already intuitively knew. I found so much good data that I was overwhelmed. Here, after sorting it through, are some of the most impressive reasons that sex is good for you. Sex strengthens relationships: Oxytocin, (aka "love hormone") is released during physical intimacy and skin-to-skin contact and increases romantic feelings between you and your partner(s). And be sure to cuddle after sex: a University of Toronto study found that couples who were asked to spend extra time together after sex — kissing, talking, and being affectionate — reported higher levels of satisfaction with their sex lives and with their relationships. A 2014 study from Johns Hopkins University (on adults ages 58 to 85) discovered that couples who regularly engaged in sexual activity — even as little as once a month —reported happier relationships than those who hadn't had sex in a year or more. Sexual activity didn't have to mean intercourse or result in orgasm; the study authors say that

anything couples do together to stimulate sexual arousal can have a lasting benefit. Sex helps you sleep: After orgasm, the body releases a relaxation hormone called prolactin, says Kristin Mark, Ph.D., director of the Sexual Health Promotion Lab at the University of Kentucky. "If you're not feeling particularly tired beforehand, having sex and reaching orgasm may certainly help you nod off a little more quickly than you would have otherwise." Sex lowers your blood pressure and stress levels: In a 2005 study, volunteers were asked to record their sexual activity for two weeks and were then given anxiety-inducing tasks, like public speaking or solving math problems out loud. Those who'd had sex over the study period experienced smaller blood pressure spikes, and recovered from them more quickly, than those who hadn't. The study suggests two important benefits of regular sex: better blood pressure control and better stress management overall. Sex strengthens your heart: Regular sex may benefit the cardiovascular system in other ways. A British study found that men who had sex at least twice a week over a period of 20 years were less likely to have died from heart disease than those who got it on less than once a month. After 10 years, in fact, their risk of sudden death was 50 percent less than that of the group that had less sex. Sex boosts immunity: Getting busy on a weekly basis stimulates the immune system and provides protection from the common cold, according to a Wilkes University study.

Researchers gave college students questionnaires about their sex lives, then tested their saliva for levels of immunoglobulin A (IgA), an antibody that helps fight off viruses. They found that the students who had sex once or twice a week had 30 percent more IgA than those who had sex less frequently. Sex may extend your life: Several studies have found connections between a busier sex life and a longer life in general, most notably a Duke University study that took place between 1955 and 1980. Researchers found that for men, frequency of intercourse was related to longer lifespans; while for women, enjoyment of intercourse was the most significant factor. Sex makes you look younger: Research presented at the 2013 British Psychological Society annual meeting found that study subjects who had frequent sex (at least three times a week for people in their 40s and 50s) look between four to seven years younger than those who had less. I could easily go on and on with all the benefits I discovered (both personally and professionally) from having a good sex life. I invite you to discover your own and experience less stress, better sleep, more intimacy/bonding with your partner(s) and the benefits of more oxytocin in your body (and your life). —Michael Kimmel is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in helping LGBT clients achieve their goals and deal with anxiety, depression, grief, sexually addictive behavior, coming out, relationship challenges and homophobia. Contact him at 619-955-3311 or visit lifebeyondtherapy.com.t

gathering where I want to be around all of my friends, I’m no longer going to filter the guest list or worry about hiding the social media invite from certain people. If I’m out with a friend, and I run into another friend who doesn’t like my friend, I’m not going to hide or duck out of the venue so the two don’t have to see each other. I’m just going to put me and all of my wild, diverse, fabulous friends out there. They can choose to get along or not, but I’m no longer going to worry myself with people’s petty differences that make them choose to dislike each other. Come one, come all, I love (most) people! But it will always

be your choice whether to accept an invitation with me based on who the other guests are, and one of my very few rules of friendship will now require that you at least respect my other friends, who you may not like, should you run into them while I’m in both your presences. Otherwise, I’m easy! (Go where you want with that!) Happy New Year! —Benny Cartwright is a local LGBT activist and Nicky Award’s 2018 Man of the Year. Benny can be contacted at Benny.bc.cartwright@gmail.com. Note: Byline photo by Rob Lucas Modern Aperture Photography.t

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OPINION

GAY SAN DIEGO Jan. 18 - 31, 2019

gay-sd.com

Guest Editorial

Creep of the Week: Stedfast Baptist Church By D’Anne Witkowski Welcome to this episode of “Christian Hypocrisy: Anti-Gay Christian Edition.” It’s been a while since we’ve done one of these so let’s start off 2019 old-school style and call out an anti-LGBTQ public figure who turns out to not be so morally upstanding after all. Let me introduce you to Donnie Romero, former pastor of the Stedfast Baptist Church in Fort Worth, Texas. He’s the former pastor because he did some sins that “disqualified” him from pastorhood. Romero’s pastor buddy Steven Anderson came to Stedfast Baptist Church so he could be there to help the church through Romero’s announcement. In a video posted online, Anderson explains why Romero had to step down, explaining that Romero’s address to the congregation didn’t include specifics because his wife and children were there, and they didn’t want to “humiliate or disturb them.” EDITOR Albert H. Fulcher (619) 961-1960 albert@sdcnn.om CONTRIBUTING EDITORS (619) 519-7775 Sara Butler, x118 Jeff Clemetson, x119 CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Chris Azzopardi Ben Cartwright Michael Kimmel Nicole Murray Ramirez Mikey Rox Frank Sabatini Jr. Dave Schwab D'Anne Witcowski CONTRIBUTOR www.canstockphoto.com WEB AND SOCIAL MEDIA Sara Butler, x118 Jess Winan, x102

But for the sake of transparency, Anderson says, he wants to let people know what’s going on. “Even pastors are human,” Anderson says. “I’m just going to mention what the sins were without going into detail. Basically the major sin involved was being with prostitutes, and then there were also marijuana and gambling that were also discovered.” Well, first off they’re called “sex workers,” not prostitutes. Secondly, transparency is a good and rare thing in religious institutions, so yay them, I guess. Plus, Romero looked so damn sad in the video of him addressing his flock to tell them he’s bouncing. You could almost feel sorry for him. Unless, of course, you know about the absolutely heinously hateful shit Romero has said about gay people. Then any pity you have for him really evaporates. As the Star-Telegram reports, Southern Poverty Law Center designated the Stedfast church a hate group in 2015. And that was before Romero COPY EDITOR Dustin Lothspeich SALES & MARKETING DIRECTOR Mike Rosensteel (619) 961-1958 mike@sdcnn.com MARKETING MANAGER Francisco Tamayo (619) 272-1279 ADVERTISING CONSULTANTS Heather Fine, x107 EDITORIAL ASSISANT Jess Winans SALES ASSISTANTS Eric Diaz Erik Guerrero

went off about the Pulse nightclub victims in 2016. “These 50 Sodomites were all perverts and pedophiles and they are the scum of the earth, and the earth is a little bit better place now, and I’ll even take it a little further,” he said, according to the Star-Telegram. “I heard on the news today that there are still several dozens of these queers in ICU, and I will pray that God will finish the job that that man started.” Now, I’ve been writing about anti-gay folks for over a decade now, and that is honestly one of the vilest quotes I have ever encountered. The lack of compassion is astounding. And notice that the guy with the gun, the guy who murdered scores of people and injured many more, is viewed as a tool of God’s will doing the Lord’s work with an assault rifle. Never mind that the shooter was Muslim, which in most circumstances would probably be a deal-breaker for Romero and his church. Hey, nobody’s perfect. Anderson, too, is no stranger to hate. “The good news is that at least 50 of these pedophiles

EDITORIAL INTERN Jules Shane ACCOUNTING Priscilla Umel-Martinez (619) 961-1962 accounting@sdcnn.com

are not going to be harming children anymore,” Anderson said after the Pulse shooting, according to the Washington Post. “The bad news is that a lot of the homos in the bar are still alive, so they’re going to continue to molest children and recruit people into their filthy homosexual lifestyle.” It bears repeating, again and again, that being LGBTQ does not make someone more likely to molest children. That’s a gross lie repeated by gross people. Nor do LGBTQ people recruit, unless you count lesbians who form the core of any good softball team. Also according to the Post, “In one sermon recorded at his church, Anderson suggested the world could be AIDS-free by Christmas if only people ‘executed the homos like God recommends.’” Has this guy met Mike Pence? Because I think they’d be great buds. They have a lot in common. In fact, should Trump get impeached, I suspect Anderson could find a home in a Pence administration simply by submitting a

resume with his “AIDS-Free By Christmas” plan alone. In case you were worried, no, Stedfast Baptist Church did not decide that being hateful was maybe a really crappy way to be Christian. Instead they doubled down, electing Jonathan Shelley to be their new pastor. He hates gays, too. “They hate God. God has already given them up,” he said in an October 2018 video, according to the Star-Telegram “That’s the reason they’re doing these vile, disgusting things. They’re beasts, they’re wicked, they’re abominable, they’re filthy today.” Feeling disgusted? Well, you could pray for their souls, but I’m not sure they have any. It’s probably more effective to visit splcenter.org and make a donation to their work combating the kind of hate Stedfast perpetuates. Amen. —D'Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living in Michigan with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.t

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Gloria, Ward, Whitburn all announce... Conversations with Nicole Nicole Murray Ramirez

s I predicted some years ago, this month has begun with three official announcements from three LGBT and civic leaders for public offices. Assembly member Todd Gloria is running for Mayor, San Diego Councilmember Chris Ward is campaigning for State Assembly and Stephen Whitburn for City Council. Gloria’s announcement is getting the most attention as his election would be a historic one — he would be the first person of color and LGBT citizen to become mayor of San Diego. Gloria is probably one of the most experienced and qualified candidates to ever run for mayor as he is a past city councilmember, past City Council president, a past city commissioner, past intern mayor (after former mayor Bob Filner resigned) and currently the majority whip of the California State Assembly. Recent polls have Gloria as a front runner with the most name recognition and likeable high numbers. Among talked about candidates who are also possible mayoral candidates are: Councilmember Barbara Bry (who has already announced her campaign), and former San Diego chief of police Shelly Zimmerman. Current District 3 City Councilmember Ward

(l to r) Linda Gloria, Assembly member Todd Gloria and Phil Gloria (Photo by Big Mike Phillips)

announced his candidacy for Gloria’s State Assembly seat and the popular hard-working Ward is expected to have only token opposition if any. This week, it is Ward’s council seat that has turned into a most interesting and competitive race. Stephen Whitburn — who currently works with the American Cancer Society, and before that the Red Cross — announced he is a candidate for the City Council District 3 this past week. His list of supporters includes more than 100 city leaders, activists and citizens is very impressive. It includes movers and shakers like State Assembly member Lorena Gonzales, former city councilmembers John Hartley and Donna Fry, Benny Cartwright, Bob Lehman, Bruce Abrams, Ebony Mullins, Gil Cabrera, Tiffany Gonzalez, Elaine

Graybill, Johnathan Hale, Bill Kelly, Rev. Dan Koeshall, Stan Lewis, Big Mike Phillips, Joe Letzkus, Ann Garwood, Sherman Mendoza, Eddie Reynoso, Joe Smith and many others. Last year Will Rodriguez and Nick Serrano met with me and were seriously thinking about running for City Council. However, Rodriguez is now running for Chair of the San Diego Democratic Party and Serrano is one of Gloria’s top campaign managers. But now, just as we are going to press for this issue of Gay San Diego, I received a late-night call from Toni Duran, and she has decided to become a candidate for the City Council. Duran was recently voted “Woman of the Year” at the 43rd Annual Nicky Awards and is an aide to State Senate

President Toni Atkins. Duran, if elected, would be the third lesbian on the current City Council — joining Council President Georgette Gomez and Councilmember Jen Campbell — as well as the third Latina to serve on City Council. Many LGBT community leaders were hoping that we could avoid two LGBT candidates running against each other, but it looks like that is exactly what will be happening. The election will be in November of 2020. And with San Diego Unified School District board member Kevin Beiser talking also running for City Council but in District 7, there could be a lavender sweep of City Hall in 2020!

Big Mike’s birthday party fundraiser this Saturday

Many in our community including Mayor Kevin Faulconer are turning out for the one and only Big Mike’s Birthday Party at Rich’s this Saturday, Jan. 19 from 5-8 p.m. It’s a fundraiser for Omar’s Closet at the Florence Elementary School and the Matthew Shepard Foundation. You are all invited!

GAY SAN DIEGO Jan. 18 - 31, 2019

online! I have been writing a column since 1973 (formerly with San Diego Sun) and truly appreciate and value your readership. And hey, I am now on Twitter: NMRSD2! —Nicole Murray Ramirez has been writing a column since 1973. He has been a Latino/gay activist for almost half a century and has advised and served the last seven mayors of San Diego. Named the “Honorary Mayor of Hillcrest” by a city proclamation, he has received many media awards including from the prestigious San Diego Press Club. Reach Nicole at Hillcrestqueen5@gmail.com. Editor’s Note: The opinions written in this column are the author’s own and does not necessarily represent the opinions of the staff and/or publisher of Gay San Diego and/or its parent company, San Diego Community News Network (SDCNN). The newspaper and its staff should be held harmless of liability or damages.t

Thank you my fabulous readers

Once again this column received a “Excellence in Journalism Award” from the prestigious San Diego Press Club. (Our popular editor Albert Fulcher was also honored.) And this column was one of the most read gay columns

Council member Chris Ward (right), candidate for 78th Assembly District, with his husband Thom Harpole, and their children Betty and Billy (Courtesy photo)

Hookups = Visit www.squirt.org to hook up today

INTERVIEW

GAY SAN DIEGO Jan. 18 - 31, 2019

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Give Margaret Cho a hand Comedian talks new Asian-led kink series, queer sex and Hollywood homophobia By Chris Azzopardi Damn that bulging carpometacarpal joint. Without it, Margaret Cho’s kink play could’ve been trouble-free, but nope – that thumb joint has been “the bane of my existence since 1991,” she tells me. That’s right: I talked to Margaret Cho and we somehow landed on the topic of fisting. These things happen! (They especially do if, like I did, you launch your convo with Cho by informing her that your introduction to the word “fisting” was via her early stand-up). Clearly, our afternoon chat took many wild and sexually freewheeling turns when the trailblazing comic called to discuss executive producing “Mercy Mistress,” an Asian-led web series exploring BDSM through the relationship of its lead, a queer ChineseAmerican dominatrix named Mistress Yin (played by actress-activist Poppy Liu), and her new client. The series is based on sex-work activist and BDSM educator Yin Q’s memoir. Difficult digits aside, Cho discussed her intro to kink, diversity casting, what makes queer sex special and why Christian Grey should’ve been a sub.

(Chris Azzopardi) You’ve long spoken openly about sex, sexuality and kink. Why is it important to you to talk about queer sex in your work? (Margaret Cho) It’s just another way to embellish identity. There are just ways of being ourselves, and when you’re queer and you come out, you come out to a world where you kind of need to figure out who you are because the examples aren’t out there for us. They aren’t defined. The lanes aren’t so, like, obvious (laughs). So, you really need to create it. When I was growing up in the ’80s and ’90s, we had to deal with AIDS, which was such a huge, difficult monstrosity to get your head around and also to understand what we could do sexually that was not fluid bonded, so that’s where bondage and BDSM – all that kind of stuff – really came into the culture in a very, very big way. So, I was working in San Francisco at a lesbian BDSM collective making leather dildos and vaginas. (Laughs) I believe you’re referring to Stormy Leather. Yeah. Way back when. And so I was just very interested in that world, and it just

developed alongside everything. Now, BDSM is very mainstream with “Fifty Shades of Grey” and that kind of stuff, so it’s cool. Is there a toy that you made that you were particularly proud of, like, ‘Hey, I did “that”’? No, because I wasn’t designing them. It was more just the sheer number of ways you could make a strap-on. You could do a chin one, you could do a forehead one, like a unicorn. You could do a thigh one. I think the thigh one actually makes a lot of sense, ergonomically. It’s actually better for the lower back than the traditional jockstrap harness. A strap-on that’s easier on the lower back appeals to me as I get older. Yeah, you wanna make sure you can continue doing these repetitive movements. Strap-ons, there’s a great appeal to them. They’re really fun, and even if you’re not necessarily in a queer sexual relationship, you could definitely use them in any way, shape or form. I think that it adds another element. If you can add another phallus, it’s always a positive. Regarding your own queer sex education, whose examples were you following while growing up in the ’80s? [Sex-positive feminist author] Susie Bright had a major role in that, and in the digital age somebody like [erotica writer] Violet Blue, who’s a good friend of mine. Also [former porn actress and sex-positive feminist] Nina Hartley, who is a very, very old friend of mine and really great. They’re people who really just showed me the ropes, as it were. (Laughs)

“Mercy Mistress,” an Asian-led web series exploring BDSM through the relationship of its lead, a queer Chinese-American dominatrix named Mistress Yin (Photo courtesy of Albert Sanchez) of the world they were showing. We loved everything. It just seemed like a natural fit.

Is ‘Mercy Mistress’ a good introduction for somebody who doesn’t know much about the kink world? Yeah, I think it’s a great, great introduction. And also we’re seeing Asian-Americans in a way we’ve never seen before, which I think is really incredible too. That’s what I get really excited about. I think we’ve really gotten to this place that we’re looking at diversity as something that is really necessary and really important, so I love that. And it really puts the control back into our hands, like we can actually control the narrative, as opposed to being an object; we’re actually running the thing. That’s really amazing.

When did your interest in kink first pique? Growing up in San Francisco around that era of queer politics was a very big deal. I grew up on Polk Street, which was really the epicenter; that and the Castro, where Harvey Milk was doing a lot of work. So I think being around all of that, it just seemed inevitable. My father owned a gay bookstore and he hired all these employees who were identifying in different ways, who were transitioning. Transitioning started in the ’70s, which is an incredible thing if you think about how early this was. People were transitioning, of course, before that, but that was the first experience I have had with people who were deciding to define their own gender. I got hired at Stormy Leather and I started meeting trans men for the first time. Before that, it was just male-to-female trans women, but this was different, when it was female-to-male transition. That was a very big, eye-opening thing; it just gave female body sexuality so much agency, which I had never really experienced before, and I thought that was really amazing and powerful.

How did you get involved as a producer? My company, Animal Family, is one of the producers. We got into contact with the “Mercy Mistress” people; they just really spoke to us, and we really loved what they were doing. We loved the landscape

In recent years, the trans community has been given a greater mainstream platform. But as we know, and as you point out, transgender people have existed for a very long time. Yeah, it’s been there; it’s just that we as a society haven’t

looked to them, and yet they’ve changed and shaped culture for centuries. It’s really been forever but we just didn’t know. I think the same can be said about the kink community in a way, don’t you? It’s something that’s been there but we haven’t explored it in a mainstream way. And when we do, do we get it right? Did ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ get it right? Well, my feeling about “Fifty Shades of Grey” is, for the Christian Grey character, there’s no way he could actually be a dominant. He has to be a male submissive. Usually men who are wealthy, in great positions of power, and who have that much luxury at their disposal to kind of extend on their sexuality are going to be a male submissive because they are just sick of being in charge. That, to me, is where I find it to be off. It’s almost like Cinderella or something. It’s kind of this weird European folktale where these gender roles are very stringent and don’t allow for the men to fully explore their potential in who they really could be. Because, according to Hollywood, it’s the way a man should act. Yeah. And that’s the reason for these stories: to enforce the status quo and keep the culture intact and keep us from overstepping. But I don’t want to be told that when you’re in there for fantasy. It’s not authentic to me. But I appreciate that it exists – and I appreciate that it sent countless millions of people to explore what this kind of sexuality is.

see Interview, pg 9

INTERVIEW

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GAY SAN DIEGO Jan. 18 - 31, 2019

as a survivor myself it was a really important thing that I had never seen in a film, especially with male characters. That kind of really blew my mind.

FROM PAGE 8

INTERVIEW What perspective does ‘Mercy Mistress’ offer on kink that hasn’t yet been portrayed in the media? It’s a real place of honesty and truth around what kink is. That it’s just about a turn-on and the different kinds of people encountered in this world. The images of people in it are very authentic, which I think is very different. A gay character tells a straight character: ‘You all need some kind of manual to figure out kinky sex.’ What can LGBTQ people teach the straight community about kink? We listen to our instincts because that’s all we have to go on. And that’s the biggest truth: We do what we like because we fight so hard to get to do “what” we like. How does your ‘interests and limits’ list these days compare to your kink origins? I’ve actually gotten way more vanilla, which is funny, because when you’re out there, you’re trying to show off a little bit, to some degree, as to what you can take and what you’re able to handle (laughs). And embellish that – embellish your own prowess. As I’m approaching 50, rapidly, I feel like, actually, I’m much more sedate, but I appreciate all the things that I’m experiencing seeing. I think that’s great. But yeah, still can’t get that thumb-knuckle in for the fisting! (Laughs) Even all these years later? All these years later, I could never get that thumb in there, and I always had this feeling of like, “I’m just not really good enough to do this.” But you

I’d like to come back to Asian representation in media, since you blazed that trail with your 1994 sitcom ‘All-American Girl.’ As someone who keeps finding new ways to break that ground, and after ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ and ‘Mercy Mistress,’ what do you hope is the next step for Asian representation? I just hope there’s more, which there is, which is great. I’m really excited about it. I’m so thrilled about “Crazy Rich Asians” and, of course, “All the Boys I’ve Loved Before.” And now both of those projects are going to have sequels. They’re already in the works; it’s happening. And there’s more and more. So now we’re looking at more of an excitement around Asian-American participation in entertainment, which is something I’ve been working on for more than 20 years, trying to get there, so this is a realization of that dream. It’s very exciting.

Margaret Cho is an American stand-up comedian, actor, fashion designer and singer-songwriter (Photos courtesy of Albert Sanchez)

don’t have to get the thumb in. It’s still fisting without the thumb? It’s still fisting without the thumb! And, you know, it’s really fun. In my mind, I’m still laughing about this thumb thing. It’s the first joint that comes out. I’m looking at my thumb right now. It’s that first little thumb joint. I just cannot get it in – no matter how small their thumb is, that joint always stick out. That joint has been the bane of my existence since 1991. I just can’t get it in there. No kind of lube is gonna (work) and I’m probably as stretched out as you can get and it’s still not gonna happen. And you give up? I give up. I’m done. When it comes to kink, does anything shock you anymore? Mm, no. Because it’s in the realm of play, nothing should

Margaret Cho has always been open about sex, sexuality and kink

be off-limits. It’s play for a reason; it’s just fantasy. It’s these cathedrals we construct around our imagination; they have no bearing to what is in the real world, you know? If it’s just play, everything is just play. People get into very wild situations that we don’t have to judge or that we don’t have to say, “That’s too far,” because it’s not for public consumption; it’s just between two people or between however many people have agreed on this particular fantasy. Have you seen ‘Call Me By Your Name?’ Yes, yes, I’ve seen that. Some in the queer community wanted to see Armie Hammer’s character eat the peach after Timothée Chalamet’s Elio ejaculated in it because that’s what happens in the book. Was that a missed kink opportunity? I think that’s exactly what should happen, but homophobia still exists, even in the realm of film and in the realm of not even what’s real, but what’s possible. It seems Hollywood is walking a tight rope. ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ was damaging when it comes to the way gay sex is portrayed in film. I think Hollywood really has muted our sex lives to be palatable for mainstream consumption. What’s your take on the way queer sex is portrayed in mainstream Hollywood films? We’re always going to have to strive for better and strive for more. There are examples where it actually goes very well. I’m thinking about Wong Kar-wai’s “Happy Together,” which has incredible sex scenes, and that film is about 20 years old, and it’s from Hong Kong and that’s another element of it. Hopefully we’ll get more of that. But you know, it’s still developing and still growing. There’s just the complexity of the sexuality too. I just saw “Boy Erased,” which to me did a great job in really talking about how we can be misguided and

misunderstood, like whether it’s assault, that it actually “can” be assault, that there’s all these questions: Is this rape? And, yes, it is. That was actually the first time I had seen that issue come up in a mainstream movie.

—As editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBTQ wire service, Chris Azzopardi has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Cher, Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. His work has also appeared in GQ, Vanity Fair and Billboard. Reach him via his website at www.chris-azzopardi.com and on Twitter (@chrisazzopardi).t

Do you think that scene was important? I thought it was important because it was giving permission for a male survivor to say that it happened and there was no thinking of, “Oh, he deserved it,” or, “He wouldn’t mind that because he wanted that anyway.” It being brought up was really meaningful, and

San Diego’s LGBT News source Volume 9 Issue 6 March 16-29, 2018

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Vote for your favorites Page 16

NEWS

Candidate Malbrough speaks, Nordstrom drops out

BEATING THE ODDS

Dockless bikes in Hillcrest

q INTERVIEW

By William E. Kelly Editor’s Note: This is the second in a three-part series. Read the first in the series online at bit.ly/2tGWqD9. On June 5, San Diego County will hold primary elections for the following seats: county board of supervisors; county assessor/ recorder/county clerk; county treasurer/tax collector;

Liz Carmouche, a 125-pound bantamweigh t women's MMA fighter, is ranked No. (Courtesy of 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu) 6 in the world.

Former Christian rocker comes out

First openly lesbian fighter makes Albert H. Fulcher | Editor In 2010, when Liz Carmouche decided she wanted to compete in the MMA (mixed martial arts) professionally, she did so with a “head on” approach. She was

i THEATER

her way to the top of MMA rankings

told it would take a year or more of training before she ever saw the ring. But the veteran Marine Corps aviation electrician beat the odds, getting her first chance to fight professionally within four months of starting her training.

Now after 11 wins and six losses, Carmouche is currently the No. 6 ranked 125-pound bantamweight women’s MMA fighter in the world.

see MMA, pg 11

Homelessness in the LGBTQ comm unity

Mayor brings interfaith discussion Albert H. Fulcher | Editor

OnStage Playhouse's "Spike Heels"

DINING

Magic with cast iron

Index Opinion

Classifieds

Calendar

Puzzle

The Interfaith Shelter Network (ISN) has been an effective program for the homeless throughout San Diego County, so far helping 8,000 homeless individuals gain access to resources and services to get their lives back on track. San Diego Mayor Kevin Faulconer joined the (ISN) in asking LGBT-friendly congregations to join the network and open their doors to homeless individuals at the ISN Summit on March 5 at St. Paul’s Episcopal Cathedral. “We know there are a number of LGBTQ individuals experiencing homelessness and they need our help. That’s why we are asking LGBTQ-friendly congregations, who understand their needs, to join our care network and provide a temporary place for them to begin turning their lives around,” said Faulconer in a press release.

to LGBT–affirming congregations

Candidate Ken Malbrough

(l to r) ISN Summit panelists, The Very Rev. Penny Bridges, Trisha Brereton, Fernando Lopez, Gary Owen, and Jonathan Herrera (Photo by Albert H. Fulcher)

The ISN Summit discussion addressing the summit. “This panel consisted of The Very is a network that works and Rev. Penny Bridges, dean, with your help and participaSt. Paul’s Cathedral; Trisha tion, I think you will see the Brereton, ISN executive dibenefits in so many ways. That rector; Fernando Lopez, San is why I am optimistic about Diego LGBT Pride executive our opportunities to begin makdirector; Gary Owen, ISN voling a real difference.” unteer; and Jonathan Herrera, Faulconer said that combatsenior advisor on homelessne ss ting homelessness is about crecoordination for the city of San ating that safe space for those Diego. in need, regardless of someone’s “You all represent the fabrace, color, religion, gender, sexric of our city for wanting to ual orientation, national origin, do the right thing and helpage or disabilities. ing people get back on their feet,” Faulconer said when see ISN,

● Opening statement “The county has $2 billion in reserve tax dollars just floating in a cloud of unknown use by county supervisors,” Malbrough said. He said he pledges to “seek community input” on how these reserve tax dollars can best be utilized and would like to see them invested in “chronically neglected or underfunded areas,” such as housing and public safety in underserved communities. “My priority is reducing our homelessness epidemic and addressing this issue region-wide,” he said. “Providing access to health and human services is the primary and more affordable method to avoid the pathway to homelessness and incarceration.”

pg 15

Editorial/Letters

see Candidates, pg 5

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district attorney; county sheriff; county board of education members; community college district members; and superior court judges. In the first of this series, I spoke to Omar Passons and Lori Saldana, two of the six candidates I interviewed who wish to represent District 4 on the San Diego County board of supervisors . Each candidate I spoke to agreed to focus on the challenges facing seniors, and was offered the opportunity to state their priorities, objectives, goals and plans to address and achieve those priorities, as well as share their experience and qualifications. Following are the highlights of responses by candidates Ken Malbrough and Marcia Nordstrom.

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DINING

GAY SAN DIEGO Jan. 18 - 31, 2019

Under a ‘wich’ spell New Mission Valley eatery raises the bar on sandwiches Restaurant Review Frank Sabatini Jr.

ood historians say the modern sandwich emerged during the mid1700s in England, when John Montague, the fourth Earl of Sandwich, demanded that plates of bread, cheese and meat be brought to him while he gambled over card games. In order to keep one hand free, he would clasp the ingredients with his bread and continue playing. Other players caught on to the maneuver. And eventually so did the rest of the world, thus giving “sandwich” its name. Montague today would need two hands and a few extra napkins to consume the loaded creations at Wich Addiction, a gourmet sandwich shop that launched in Sorrento Valley nearly seven years ago to the tune of house-roasted meats and crafty scratch-made condiments. The eatery recently branched into Friars Mission Center in Mission Valley, ironically in direct eyeshot of Subway within that plaza’s food court.

But chef and co-owner Dyann Manning isn’t concerned. She knows, like everyone else, that when biting into a sandwich of processed turkey at Subway, for example, the flavor and quality hardly compares to turkey breasts that are baked and sliced onsite at Wich Addiction. Those same stark differences apply to all of the proteins used at the two eateries. Manning is a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America. She runs Wich Addiction with her husband, Mark. The couple originally founded Devilicous, a food truck that earned them national publicity in 2011 when they became contestants on Food Network’s “The Great Food Truck Race.” Despite being eliminated in the competition, sales spiked, and they soon sold the business to open Wich Addiction in Sorrento Valley. One of the carryovers from the early Devilicious days is the shrimp po’boy, which Manning calls “our $200,000 sandwich because it has sold like crazy over the past eight years.” And rightfully so. Within the sandwich are tempura-battered shrimp of decent size, arranged snugly with garlicky pickles, lettuce, tomatoes, onions and Sriracha aioli. The toasted

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Wich Addiction 5664 Mission Center Road (Mission Valley) 619-269-7269 wichaddiction.com Prices: Salads, $7.85 to $13.85 French fries and potato chips, $1.50 to $4 Sandwiches, $7.95 to $11.95 French roll is discernibly buttered, as are the rolls and breads used for all other Wich Addiction’s sandwiches. After being struck with indecision at the imposing wall menu listing nearly 20 sandwich choices, the two of us ended up also chomping into roasted turkey with jalapeno aioli and provolone cheese; steak with chimichurri; and the “three little pigs” featuring layers of applewood bacon, Virginia smoked ham, seared pork loin, and provolone. For that, the proteins were thoughtfully accented with lemon aioli, which cuts through the fatty essence of the fillings and practically refreshed our palates after every bite. While encroaching on the turkey breast sandwich with its bravely spicy aioli and finely grilled sourdough, a couple of house-made lemonades rose to the occasion. One was flavored with pureed strawberries and the other was spiked judiciously with cucumbers and mint. You don’t need a hot, muggy day to gulp them down. Manning pairs house-made chimichurri sauce to medium-rare hanger steak, resulting in an Argentinian tango of deep and zesty flavors. She cuts the lean meat into clean slices, which gives it a lush texture similar to filet mignon. I typically avoid steak sandwiches in restaurants because of those inevitable chewy spots. Yet right to the end, this had no gnarly roadblocks.

The local sandwich shop’s second location has landed in Mission Valley. (Photos by Frank Sabatini Jr.)

Two recent additions to the menu are a Southwest chicken salad, and a hot pastrami sandwich using a half-pound of the meat. We kicked off our visit with the former, which yielded a generous amount of faintly seasoned breast meat. The feisty chipotle ranch dressing served on the side gave rise to the corn, black beans, red peppers and cherry tomatoes contained within the salad. Other noteworthy dressings include an oil-free concoction of lime, coconut, cilantro and fish sauce. It’s used on the Thai chicken salad. There is also a preserved lemon vinaigrette that takes Manning three months to make. Used normally on the spinach salad with

seared salmon, we asked for a side portion to drizzle onto our turkey sandwich. We loved every drop. Subsequent visits are in order for trying a host of other sandwiches that include hand-breaded fried chicken; seared salmon with maple Sriracha; pork belly banh mi; and shaved leg of lamb with raita and tomato chutney, which for its sheer uniqueness, is definitely next on my list. —Frank Sabatini Jr. is the author of ‘Secret San Diego’ (ECW Press) and began his local writing career more than two decades ago as a staffer for the former San Diego Tribune. You can reach him at fsabatini@san.rr.com.t

Chimichurri steak sandwich The ‘three little pigs’ sandwich

Southwest chicken salad

Shrimp po’boy

DINING

estaurateur and former “Top Chef” contestant, Frankie Terzoli, is aiming for a Jan. 26 soft opening of his latest venture, Sirens, which will launch in the Hillcrest address last occupied by Pardon My French. Terzoli originally planned on calling the venture Fishmonger’s 2.0, a spin off his original Fishmonger’s Market & Seafood Bar that operated within the now-shuttered 57 Degrees in Middletown. The re-imagined

Sustainable sashimi and hand rolls are coming to Liberty Public Market. (Photo by Sam Wells)

Croissants and other treats are in the offing at a new vegan bakery in Hillcrest. (Courtesy of Hazel & Jade) Bakers Andrea Hazel Bender and Jade Warner have teamed up to open Hazel & Jade, a vegan bakery that launched this month in the address previously occupied by Bardo Lounge. Both women are vegan and worked in the pastry industry for eight years before starting their company as wholesalers a year ago. This is their first retail venture. The daily inventory features fresh croissants made with coconut oil-based butter, plus cakes, muffins, brownies, scones and more. The offerings also include coffee drinks using beans from Steady State Roasting in Carlsbad. 3852 Fourth Ave., 619-295-2001, hazelandjade.com. The revered Soltan Banoo in University Heights recently closed. The family-run Persian restaurant opened originally as Cafe Caspian in 2000, and then three years later it moved across the street as Soltan Banoo. It was was owned and operated by Sanam Govari along with her

name refers to the half-bird, half-women sirens in Greek mythology that lured sailors and fishermen to the shores — and to their destruction. Crudo and whole branzino will appear on the seafood-focused menu, although Terzoli also promises prime rib, free-range roasted chicken, duck, pastas and some vegetarian dishes. The space, he adds, has been updated with a separated bar area and a color scheme of black, turquoise and gray. 3797 Park Blvd.

Celebrity chef Frankie Terzoli returns to the restaurant scene with a new venture in Hillcrest. (Courtesy of Sirens)

Joining a collective of 30-plus culinary tenants at Liberty Public Market is the upcoming Hold Fast, a fast-casual concept featuring sashimi and hand rolls by Chef Rob Ruiz, who also owns The Land & Water Company in Carlsbad. Committed to ocean conservation, Ruiz is slated to becoming the first chef/

restaurateur in San Diego to be officially certified by the James Beard Foundation for sustainable seafood practices. Hold Fast will use locally sourced seafood, Californiagrown organic rice, and organic produce from area farmers. The venture is due to open in February. 2820 Historic Decatur Road, 619-487-9346, bluebridgehospitality.com.

San Diego and Olympic Cafe in North Park are home to Mister Supranational USA 2018, a title bestowed to the Greek cafe’s co-owner and general manger, Nicholas Kotselas. As an aspiring model who has been catching the attention of New York modeling agencies, Kotselas also recently represented the United States in Mister Supranational’s international competition in Poland. For that, he placed in the top 10 and came away with the title, Mister Supranational Americas. In celebration of Kotselas’ newfound celebrity and to raise money for one of his favorite charities, Smile Train, the family-run restaurant will hold a benefit from 7 to 9 p.m., Jan. 26. The event will feature drinks and appetizers along with other pageant contestants in attendance as well. The suggested donation is $10

GAY SAN DIEGO Jan. 18 - 31, 2019

Mission Hills is abuzz with the recent opening of Fort Oak. (Photo by Jim Sullivan) Mission Hills has seen the much-anticipated arrival of Fort Oak, a restaurant specializing in wood-fired cooking by Trust Restaurant Group, which includes executive chef Brad Wise and general manager Steve Schwob. The 3,400-square-foot venture opened Jan. 16 to a menu featuring seafood towers, rabbit sausage, aged rib-eye, local duck and hearth-grilled branzino.

Anchored in Jonathan Segal’s new mixed-use building, The Fort, customers enter through an old Ford dealership facade and into an inviting bar and four distinct dining areas. The bar opens daily at 3 p.m., followed by dinner service starting at 5 p.m., and brunch is offered from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m., Saturdays and Sundays. 1011 Fort Stockton Drive, 619-7223398, fortoaksd.com.

—Frank Sabatini Jr. can be reached at fsabatini@san.rr.com.t

“

REVENGE, TERRIBLE REVENGE

IS ALL THAT MY HEART DESIRES.”

Nicholas Kotselas of Olympic Cafe doubles as Mister Supranational USA on the modeling circuit. (Instagram) per person. 2310 University Ave., 619-692-9082, olympiccafesd.com.

After fulfilling a five-year lease in University Heights, chef Mike Almos will close Circa Restaurant next month. His last day of service is on Valentine’s Day (Feb. 14), when customers can savor a prix-fixe meal of three courses that are still in the planning. Almos is concluding his run with the “California soul food” restaurant because of his involvement with a local culinary project that he can’t publicly discuss yet. In addition, “My

wife and I are going to enjoy spending more time together,” he said. In the lead-up to the Valentine’s Day dinner, Almos plans on holding customer-appreciation events at the restaurant, which he will post on the website and Facebook once they are scheduled. Operating the restaurant, he added, “has been lovely and hugely rewarding.” 2121 Adams Ave., 619-269-9152, circasd.com.

sister, Roxanne, and mother, Mahin. Because Govari is attending graduate school, and her mother began experiencing health issues, the trio decided to close. “I feel that we are losing something beautiful and historic in the community, but I’m happy to have my freedom

back. It’s the first time I’ll have Saturday nights off in almost 20 years,” Govari quipped. The family owns the property, which was once a residence. Govari added they will lease the structure to an unspecified business, revealing only that it will not be a restaurant. 4645 Park Blvd.

3/10** SD Opera - Rigoletto

Giuseppe Verdi

RIGOLETTO February 2–10, 2019

San Diego Civic Theatre

sdopera.org/sdcnn | (619) 533-7000

Financial support is provided by the City of San Diego.

PHOTO: CORY WEAVER

gay-sd.com

FEATURE

GAY SAN DIEGO Jan. 18 - 31, 2019

FROM PAGE 4

TRANSFORMATION much to how he navigated the world. He just became happier and more comfortable, which is exactly what we both had wanted to happen, so I was happy for him.” James noted his gender transition was as much mental as physical. “It took a long time to realize that I am transgender, gradually going from ‘nah,’ I don’t want a penis so I’m not ‘transgender,’ to ‘well,’ maybe I am ‘genderqueer,’ and eventually, I want to start taking testosterone so that I appear male to people who don’t know me, and therefore transition, because it turns out I am totally transgender.” James pointed out, so far, he has opted only for hormonal replacement and “top-only” reconstructive surgery not involving his genitalia. “It is possible I'll change my mind with regards to bottom surgery.” he said, adding, “I've heard stories of that happening to other trans men after several years on testosterone (I'm only at a year and a half). I'd also certainly be more interested in it if the end results were more like that of someone who was born with their penis. I've seen some results that are spectacular and know some trans guys online who are happy with their bottom surgery. But it's not really important to me right now.” James plans to have a

James Sabolek, who no longer answers to Carol, is a bisexual transgender man. (Photo illustration by Crystal Hoyt) hysterectomy. “I’ve actually had negative feelings towards my uterus well before I realized I was trans,” James said. “My girlfriend says, while most women hate ‘that time of the month,’ my loathing of it struck her as particularly bad, and part of why she wasn't surprised when I came out to her. “I will have to stay on hormones for the rest of my life,” he acknowledged. But also likened that reality to having to rely on an asthma inhaler or taking insulin for diabetes. “I have heard there are pharmaceutical companies exploring administration options

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other than injections so it might not even be too inconvenient in the future,” James added. In coming to terms with Carol’s decision to morph into James, his mother Cassandra said her other daughter, Sunday, helped her immensely. “She told me I was not to express any sort of misgivings,” Cassandra said. “I relied on Sunday to teach me how to be supportive in the best way, to constantly correct me when I forgot to refer to James as he/ him as he wanted. … I’m glad my kids have a close relationship and they can rely on one another.” Sunday Johnson said it wasn’t hard for her to come to terms with her then-sister’s sex change. “I’ve always been close to my brother and I knew before anyone else did that he didn’t feel comfortable identifying as the gender he was assigned at birth,” she said, adding, “He always confided in me.” Sunday said her mom needed more help “conditioning” herself to James’ transformation. “My mom is very accepting, but it was still strange for her and took a while to get used to,” she said. “She and my grandma mentioned ‘mourning’ for Carol Anne, and I had to tell them that they're the same person. I found it a bit silly for them to be ‘mourning.’” Regarding James’ gender transition, Nannette said they weren’t afraid of acceptance by their peers. That was a given belonging to the LGBTQ community. “But we did both work in a customer service job that had a lot of regulars, and I didn't know how most of them would react,” Nannette said. “For the most part, they were supportive and took it in stride.” But there was one notable exception. “I was disappointed one day when I told a regular … and she asked very flatly, and with an undercurrent of disgust, ‘So, does she have a dick?’ After a while, I began to treat the reactions as a sort of finger in the wind. It allowed me to guide my interactions with people in the future.” Asked if he misses being

gay-sd.com female, James replied, “I tried really hard to think of something — and couldn’t. I’m also bisexual. So I don’t really fit into straight male culture, any better than I used to fit into straight female culture.” Concerning his gender transformation, he pointed out, “Transitioning was actually quicker than I thought. I had support from people online and my closest friends. The hardest part is advocating for yourself. But I believe that process probably does weed out the people who aren’t 100 percent committed to transitioning. You have to be the one to call the doctors, make the appointments, call your insurance, keep the paperwork up to date, etc.” His mother said James’ transformation has not changed her outlook on sexuality or life. “I’ve always been open-minded and in high school, in the ’80s, my best friend came out to me as gay (I already knew),” Cassandra said. “His name was Chris, and he committed suicide when we were in our 30s after his mother returned a Christmas card he had sent to her.” On being transgender, James noted it’s widely construed by mainstream society as being “mysterious and weird and heavily ‘othered,’ an oddity or a mental illness, Western culture, which is of course the globe’s dominant culture, sees ‘men’ and ‘women’ as two very rigid categories with no overlap. But I think a man and a woman from a similar walk of life, would have more in common than two men from different life experiences. “The separation of ‘men’ and ‘women’ our society enforces, makes about as much sense as acting like ‘light-haired people’ and ‘dark-haired people’ are two distinct categories with nothing in common that can define a person’s whole identity, which is not the case,” James continued. “I think there is too much emphasis about gender in general in our society, and not nearly enough emphasis about how it can be fluid and doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with someone’s personality or identity.” Would he recommend someone following in his footsteps? “If, like me, they have thought about it for years and, like me, they make the first step to see a therapist, then yes,” he said. “However, I was very lucky in that most everyone accepted me, and I was shielded by my loved ones from those who didn’t. If it places someone in danger, like if it’s a teenager whose parents are violently anti-transgender, they should wait until they are safe. “Since it is becoming more commonplace for people to transition as teenagers, there is a feeling in the trans community that the earlier you can do it, the better you can pass as your real gender instead of the one you were assigned at birth, but that isn’t necessarily true,” James said. “It is never too late, which means people need to not be afraid of not starting early enough. It is definitely not something to rush into, especially for people transitioning from female to male,

considering how misogyny affects being a woman. You have to think long and hard about whether you hate the way women are treated. Or whether you hate the way you are treated because of being seen as a woman. I still struggle with that sometimes, and I started (seriously) questioning my gender as early as five years ago.” Now that James’ gender transition is a fait accompli, Nannette said, “We're both adjusting fine. I'm comfortable with it. … It affected his life negatively (and so it affected my life negatively to see him unhappy). Life is easier and brighter in a lot of ways because that huge shadow isn't looming over him. “Not much actually changes,” noted Nannette about gender transformation. “Their body, name, and gender, yes. But if you peel back everything about your significant other, hopefully you'll find that you dated them for many more, deeper reasons — compatibility, idiosyncrasies, sense of humor, shared interests — than just physicality. Those things aren't changing or going anywhere. “So if you're dating your friend, you're going to keep loving your friend,” she continued. “You just have to call them a different name and pronoun, and now they have stubble. How you relate to and love each other isn't going to drastically change. But how they love and relate to themselves will. Honestly, it's nice to see your friend through that. It feels good to see them feel good. It's way more cause for celebration than panic.” Are there any lessons to be learned — or shared — or advice given, about gender transformation and its consequences? “The only lesson I'd like to impart using my experience is that gender isn't as rigid and inflexible as people like to think! I still have some 'effeminate' personality traits that don't make me less of a man, just like how a man who is not trans wouldn't be less of a man for liking pink or makeup,” said James. “It comes down to what feels comfortable for people on an individual level,” he continued. “The transformation has cemented this belief. Men should be able to act and look however they like and still be respected as men, and the same goes for women.” In the final analysis of gender metamorphosis, James concluded, “It is more personal and individualistic and should be self-determined — not assigned at birth based on a baby's genitals.” “This isn’t about you or your feelings, ” said Cassandra about Jame’s gender reassignment. “The only thing that matters is your child’s happiness. Everything else is secondary. As parents, we get only a couple of opportunities in a lifetime to show our children that we love them unconditionally, and that we will fight for them no matter what. Don’t miss one of those opportunities.” —Dave Schwab can be reached at dschwabie@journalist.com.t

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AW18-1023

GAY SAN DIEGO Jan. 18 - 31, 2019

Ongoing Events

2019 San Diego Pride – San Diego Pride is July 12-14 and, for a limited time, early-bird tickets are on sale for the San Diego Pride Festival with a $50 savings on VIP tickets and $10 savings on general admission. $15-$150. bit.ly/2CfGwRg San Diego Coronation XLVII – Tickets are now on sale for the Imperial Court de San Diego’s Coronation XLVII. With several events between Feb. 7-10, the coronation event “A Military Affair” hosts in-town and out-of-town shows, hospitality, coronation ceremony, brunch and a final show. It is a full weekend of entertainment and a chance to see who will be crowned the new emperor and empress for the upcoming year. Prices vary by events. bit.ly/2VHFXIC Free dance classes – The Center and The San Diego Ballet are holding free dance classes this winter. Looking for a fun work out? Looking to socialize? Join their 10– week, hour-long dance sessions geared toward LGBTQ individuals and same-sex couples. 18-plus. 7-8:30 p.m. Jan. 18; Feb. 11 and 25; and March 4, 18 and 25. The San Diego LGBT Community Center, 3909 Centre St. bit.ly/WinterDancing Women in Blue – Tickets are now on sale for the ninth annual “Women in Blue” Luncheon. The event is a celebration of female leadership, diversity, and empowerment of women. This year’s theme, “Courage Knows No Gender,” embodies the resilience, strength, and bravery of the fearless female leaders serving America's Finest City. The event will take place on March 7 with registration starting at 11:30 a.m., followed by a program and lunch at noon. Hilton San Diego Bayfront Hotel, 1 Park Blvd. Prices start at $125 and sponsorship opportunities are also available. bit.ly/2EUufV1 ‘The Hour of Great Mercy’ – Tickets are on sale now for the world premiere of “The Hour of

gay-sd.com Great Mercy” by Miranda Rose Hall and directed by Rosina Reynolds. “The Hour of Great Mercy” is a poetic new play with music that follows Ed, a gay Jesuit priest, who leaves the Catholic Church to reconcile with his estranged brother in an isolated icy Alaskan township. Playing Jan. 31-March 3. Tickets available in packages $45$220. Diversionary Theatre, 4545 Park Blvd. #101. bit.ly/HourofGreatMercy ‘Struggles and Triumphs’ – The San Diego History Center, in partnership with the Lambda Archives of San Diego, brings the first-ever exhibition in Balboa Park focused on the history of San Diego’s LGBTQ+ community. Visitors will experience and learn about the struggles to overcome persecution, the battle with AIDS, bullying and intolerance, the power of the community, and the tremendous strides taken in the fight for equal rights. The exhibit curator is noted author and historian Lillian Faderman. Runs through January 2020. 1649 El Prado, Suite 3. bit.ly/2o5PrxG ‘Hearing the Future’ – The San Diego Symphony kicks off the new year with its fourth annual festival, “Hearing the Future.” The month–long event explores the concept of “creation” and the artistic expression that springs from youthful composers and artists. Runs through Sunday, Jan. 27. Times, locations and prices vary. bit.ly/2ETKHox ‘Somebody to Love’ – Tickets now on sale for “Somebody to Love,” a Queen musical with a ballet twist. The show debuts in San Diego on Valentine’s Day, Feb. 14. It features San Diego native and “America's Got Talent” finalist Brian Justin Crum and local renowned ballet dancer Kristen Bloom Allen. Through the dynamic music of Queen, mixed with the visual elements of dance, this performance promises to take the audience on a multi-sensory journey

through the different facets of love. $67. 8 p.m. The Music Box, 1337 India St. fgtix.to/2RMlKSX

Friday, Jan. 18

‘Powers New Voices Festival’ – The Old Globe will present the sixth annual “Powers New Voices Festival,” a weekend of readings of new American plays by some of the most exciting voices writing for the American theater today. The festival kicks off on Jan. 18 at 7:30 p.m. with “Celebrating Community Voices,” an evening of work created by San Diego residents through the Globe’s arts engagement programs Community Voices and coLAB. New American plays will follow on Saturday, Jan. 19 and Sunday, Jan. 20. Free. Times vary and can be found online. The Old Globe, 1363 Old Globe Way. theoldglobe.org

Saturday, Jan. 19

Big Mike’s 20th Annual Birthday Fundraiser – For 20 years now, Big Mike Phillips has used his birthday to give back to the community. This year, his goal is to raise $20,000 to divide between Florence Elementary Parent Teacher Association (PTA) and the Matthew Shepard Foundation. The Imperial Court de San Diego will receive and disburse all funds. Big Mike will be holding his annual fundraiser at Rich’s San Diego from 5-8 p.m. For those who cannot attend, a GoFundMe page is set up for donations at bit.ly/2VHWgFC. A $20-ormore donation is requested. 1051 University Ave. bit.ly/2M2Ol18 Mariam’s Tea Party – Join Mariam T and her teacups for their fifth “Mariam’s Tea Party: Dumb Disney” at MO’s Bar and Grill. This show

also features Evelyn Rose, Michele Ada, BeBe Gunn, Keex Rose, Vanity Jones and a special performance by The Diamond Dogs. Cost: $10. 7 p.m. 308 University Ave. bit.ly/2AHYYSt Women’s March San Diego 2019 – Get your marching shoes ready as the third annual Women’s March will take place from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at the Waterfront Park West Side. Music, programs, speakers to be announced. The Women’s March will continue to empower the global community in support of women’s rights, access to health care, social and environmental justice, safety and economic security. Free. Meet at the County Administration Center, 1600 Pacific Hwy. bit.ly/2D6ZUDh

Sunday, Jan. 20

Senior Bingo with the Royales - Senior Bingo at Mission Hills Health Care with Prince Royale Steven Blocker and Princess Royale Jessica D’Nalga. 3-4 p.m. Free. 4033 Sixth Ave. bit.ly/2SRAoWa

Monday, Jan. 21

Pride in Martin Luther King Holiday Parade – Hosted by San Diego Pride and the San Diego Black LGBTQ Coalition, the San Diego MLK Holiday Parade is one of the largest in the U.S. in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Plan to meet near the San Diego County Administration Building, 1600 Pacific Hwy, at 1:30 p.m. Free. bit.ly/2D4Ppia

Thursday, Jan. 24

Paint Nite – Ring in the new year with a paint and wine party at Gossip Grill hosted by She Fest and San

ACROSS

1 “The Lion King” villain 5 They pick up strangers 9 Places for tats, perhaps 13 Choice for Hamlet 14 Discharge 15 Nuts 16 Jessica of “Little Folkers” 17 Like a nimble old goat 18 Acronym for bears 19 Author of the novel version of 35-Across 22 Banned pesticide 23 A little more than bi24 Florence's ___ Vecchio 26 Daughter of a nonhomophobic president 28 Not needing a little blue pill 31 Neither a win nor a loss 32 Stritch of Broadway 34 Sulu's starship captain 35 Novel or movie about lesbians in

the Orthodox Jewish community 38 Tools for Wilde 39 Restraint for a stallion 40 “___ De-Lovely” 41 Opposite of fem. 42 “___ Survive” 46 Like some tricks 48 From A ___ 50 Way of the East 51 She played Esti Kuperman in the movie version of 35-Across 55 Start of a Mozart opera title 56 Threesome minus one 57 Bubbly drinks 58 What Santa gave, in verse 59 Vampire novelist Rice 60 Break bread 61 Pride places 62 Sallee of Pentatonix 63 Practices thespianism

Saturday, Jan. 26

Walking Tour of Hillcrest LGBTQ History – Hosted by Lambda Archives of San Diego, take a stroll through the fascinating San Diego gayborhood and learn when it became the center of the LGBTQ community. Fifth and Robinson avenues. $20$25. bit.ly/2D5Y0Rz

Wednesday, Jan. 30

Hillcrest Business Association mixer – Join HBA members for an evening of networking as it presents its latest news and projects. The HBA is partnering with Business for Good during this event as it present its unique homelessness toolkit to the Hillcrest Business community. Invite staff and bring business cards. Ad Libitum. 1263 University Ave. bit.ly/2MdiU4m

Thursday, Jan. 31

Human Rights Watch Film Festival – Playing through Feb. 2. Human Rights Watch is one of the world’s leading independent organizations dedicated to defending and protecting human rights. This festival kicks off with an opening reception and viewing of “TransMilitary.” Films throughout the festival tackle climate change, urban violence, sexual assault and community activism. Museum of Photographic Arts in Balboa Park, 1649 El Prado. $6-$40. Times vary by film. bit.ly/2VLcL3A For events in the area, please contact albert@sdcnn.com.t

QSyndicate.com

Q Q PUZZLE PUZZLE

TUESDAY THE RABBI SAW PINK

Diego Pride. Part of the proceeds will help fund She Fest 2019. 1220 University Ave. $45. Starts at 7 p.m. bit.ly/2VLdwts

solution on page 13 DOWN 1 They may be one-night 2 Fruity mixed drink 3 Top Trappists 4 Paper amount 5 “The Gay Caballero” star Romero 6 Sound equipment for Queen 7 Shuttlecock 8 Eyelid ailment 9 Siege site of 1836 10 Type of comedy, such as Ephron's “Bewitched” 11 “Queen of Country” Reba 12 Chicago cap word 20 Prefix for Da Vinci's land 21 Letters on a Johnny Mathis record 25 Cry of fear 27 Big name in oil 29 Result of working for Trump, often 30 Tobias pseudonym 33 “Mamma Mia!” band 34 Shagged, biblically

35 Unseat a queen, e.g. 36 When fruits are ready to be eaten 37 “My Fair Lady” lady 38 It's a snap for Annie Leibovitz 41 Dash letters 43 Not straight up 44 For example, “Alas, poor Yorick!” 45 Blemishes on the Indiana Fever's record 47 Materials for Paul Cadmus etchings 49 String ensemble, maybe 52 Red-coated cheese 53 Deity identified with Diana 54 Style of Marcel Duchamp 55 Contemptible sort

NEWS

gay-sd.com FROM PAGE 3

NEWS BRIEFS Pride announces record setting year

San Diego Pride (SDP) has reported the record setting numbers of last year’s Pride festival in a recent press release. The organization, which hosts the city’s chapter of the national LGBTQ pride festival, thanked those who helped make the event possible and renewed calls for sponsors and volunteers for the upcoming 2019 festival. A total of over 250,000 people turned out for the iconic parade, and more than 45,000 for the following two-day festival. The remarkable attendance made for substantial gains in fundraising. Pride announced total donations topped $170,000 and were distributed to organizations serving LGBTQ communities throughout the county. When in-kind donations are considered, that number nearly doubles to a total of $223,000. Since its inception in 1994, SDP has become among the most successful Pride organizations in the nation, having donated upwards of $2.7 million over the course of its 25 years.

Alliant University receives grant for LGBTQ students

Alliant Educational Foundation (AEF), a nonprofit organization established to provide financial assistance to students and faculty of Alliant International University, has received a grant of $1 million to help support LGBTQ students for underserved communities. The donation was endowed by retired Alliant University administrator and professor, Connell F. Persico. “With his generous gift and visionary spirit, Dr. Persico has created a lasting legacy for Alliant,” said AEF CEO Valin Brown in a press release. “This gift adds to the impact of the existing Connell Persico Scholarship, which shares Alliant Educational Foundation’s goals of boosting diversity, equity and inclusion.” Since its creation in 2015, AEF has assisted more than 2,400 California students work towards advanced degrees in a variety of fields. In 2018 alone the organization awarded more than $1.75 million in scholarships to students in need of financial support.

LGBTQ advocates to be honored by Human Rights Campaign

The Human Rights Campaign Foundation (HRC) has announced its intent to honor prominent LGBTQ advocates Judy and Dennis Shepard at the upcoming Time to THRIVE conference on Feb.

15-17 in Anaheim. In the wake of their son’s death at the hands of hate crime, Judy and Dennis Shepard founded the Matthew Shepard Foundation in December 1998. In 2009, they partnered with other families affected by hate to pass the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act. Today the organization focuses its efforts on providing support for underprivileged LGBTQ youths and creating dialogue around the topics of hate and acceptance. “Our nation will never forget Matthew, and his life and legacy continue to inspire progress. By honoring his memory and his family, and by continuing to support the crucial work of the Matthew Shepard Foundation, we can help create a world where no person lives in fear because of who they are or who they love,” HRC president Chad Griffin said in a press release. HRC will honor Dennis and Judy with the Upstander Award at the sixth annual Time to THRIVE Conference for their efforts to end hate and spread awareness of marginalized people across the country.

‘Out at the Fair’ gains non-profit status

“Out at the Fair,” the LGBTQ-focused event which began in San Diego and expanded to five fairs in two states last year, achieved nonprofit status following fiscal support from the San Diego Human Dignity Foundation (SDHDF). SDHDF is among the most prominent LGBTQ networks in the country and the only grassroots foundation dedicated to supporting the San Diego LGBTQ community. Beginning in 2013 as an unofficial event during the San Diego County Fair, the “Gay Day at the Fair” grew into a popular mainstay, eventually becoming an annual occurrence renamed “Out at the Fair.” The following years saw considerable event expansion, gaining acclaim from leaders in the private and public sectors. In 2017 and 2018, the event spread to California fairs in Sacramento and San Jose, as well as Albuquerque, New Mexico. Out at the Fair now has a broad network of support from a number of community organizations and elected officials. The event includes entertainment including local LGBTQ performers and public officials, LGBTQ-themed fair games and booths, and visiting national talent. It has also brought about changes to fairs — seeking to make them more inclusive to those in attendance, such as all-gender restrooms and decorations representing the LGBTQ spectrum. —Compiled by Jules Shane.t

MICHAEL KIMMEL Psychotherapist Author of "Life Beyond Therapy" in Gay San Diego 5100 Marlborough Drive San Diego CA 92116 (619)955-3311 www.LifeBeyondTherapy.com

GAY SAN DIEGO Jan. 18 - 31, 2019

LIFESTYLE

GAY SAN DIEGO Jan. 18 - 31, 2019

gay-sd.com Cutting out alcohol so I can remember what I’m really like

8 ways I’m snatching my happiness back in 2019

By Mikey Rox

’ll say it. The past few years have been a fucking nightmare. The climate in this country – and, arguably, the world – is so volatile that it’s a wonder any of us get a good night’s sleep. I find myself angry, negative and depressed for no good reason, but at the end of the day how much does any of the shit we put ourselves through really matter? After a lot of reflection, I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t. None of it. Not a single thing impeding your or my happiness is worth what we’re feeding it. So why not stop? I am – starting now. Here’s how I’m snatching back my happiness in 2019.

Allowing myself to be proud of me

My grandmother – the one who disowned me for being gay – used to talk a lot about the importance of humility. In fact, she proselytized the importance of many “Christian” ideals, but rarely exercised them herself, especially where love and acceptance

is concerned. And that’s the primary problem with people trying to teach you to be “you.” They have no damn idea what they’re talking about. As a result, I grew up being ashamed of who I was while not allowing myself to celebrate the growth and progress I make as a human being every day. But that stops here. I have so much to be proud of as not only a man but a gay man. I’m young(ish), successful, blessed in so many ways, and I’ve done all my adulting on my own. That deserves a big pat on the back – and I’m giving it to myself this year.

Not giving into short-term gratification

I love shopping. If we’re hunting for clothing and home-good bargains, I’m there in a jiffy. But it’s an expensive habit to maintain. I update my wardrobe and add décor to my homes more often than I’d like to admit (even though my bank account serves as a constant reminder), but I’ve recently made a resolution that nothing new comes through

these doors for the entire year. How will I do that? I’ve started by cutting up credit cards and unsubscribing from every marketing email that has landed in my inbox since Jan. 1. It’s a virtual ghost town in there these days. The next phase is to start editing my closets and my homes for items I can sell to help reach my New Year’s saving resolution, which this year is in the double-digit thousands – all cash in hand. It’s lofty, but I’m determined – and that’s all the motivation I need.

Downsizing my entire life

I’ll start selling my material possessions this year because I don’t need them where I’m going. My long-term goal for 2019 is to unload all my real estate, purchase a van that’s suitable for daily life, and hit the road. As I’ve sat in my properties – alone – for the past few years, I’ve had plenty of time to think, and the question I keep coming back to is, what the hell are you doing here? The answer is “nothing.” I’m doing nothing where I am but wasting the time I could be spending out there in the world “experiencing” life instead of literally watching it pass me by. It’s a major change that’ll signify the start of the second half of my life story, but I eat challenges like this for breakfast.

Many people have a difficult relationship with alcohol, myself included. And as I reflect on the over 20 years that I’ve allowed alcohol to ruin relationships, squander opportunities and otherwise fuck me up physically, mentally and emotionally, I have to consider the alternative. So beginning at the top of the year, I decided to live alcohol free until April 1. That’s not the date when I’ll start drinking again, but rather a date that gives me enough time to clear my head, concentrate on my fitness goals and then weigh my options. Will I be the better person I want to be, or am I a dick sober too? Time will tell.

Finding more people who raise my spirits

I don’t like to put down our own LGBTQ community, but we can be real dicks to one another. It’s not just us, though. There are so many people out there who are committed to infecting everyone around them with their negativity that I sometimes dread leaving the house. Everybody has an attitude these days, and for what? Who knows, but I’m canceling all my dates with those downers and only giving time to people who make me feel good about myself. Thank you, next.

Avoiding as much political media as I can

I’m turning off the TV, changing the settings on the news I receive, and avoiding all political debates on social

media. It’ll drive you fucking nuts if you give into it, and we can’t let the trolls control us. “Look the other way and have nothing to say” is my new motto. It’s everybody for themselves out there.

Practicing more self-care

More hot baths, facials, massages, meditation, gym classes, yoga, (safe) SEX, and whatever else makes my mind and body feel like I “deserve” this. Because I do.

Refusing to do anything I don’t want to do

I’m already very good at saying no, but I have a conscience and sometimes feel bad when I’m direct to someone who’s kind. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, but I’m also not willing to engage in situations that bore me or make me uncomfortable or that cost me money I don’t want to spend. Thank you for asking, but I’m politely declining, perhaps for eternity. I don’t owe you an answer why either. Get out there and snatch back your happiness this year too, friends. Clock’s ticking. —Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyrox. [Graphic provided by www.canstockphoto.]t

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