34 minute read
Anticipation
lIfe beYONd TherapY
Michael kimmel
—Michael Kimmel is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in helping LGBT clients achieve their goals and deal with anxiety, depression, grief, sexually addictive behavior, coming out, relationship challenges and homophobia. Contact him at 619-955-3311 or visit lifebeyondtherapy.com.
As I write this, the election is about a week away and I’m swimming in a sea of emotions: hope, worry, insecurity (due to all the uncertainty about the future) and calm (I know I’ll be fine whatever happens, even though I worry so much).
I have been reading two fascinating books: “All Boys Aren’t Blue” by George M. Johnson and “The Night Watchman” by Louise Erdrich. I love to read. I enjoy learning about other ways of thinking, seeing and living. Reading helps me get outside my gay, white, cis, male “bubble”.
“All Boys Aren’t Blue” beckoned to me from the bookshelves of a great little bookstore in Moscow, Idaho (a lovely little town). I’d read a review of it and was intrigued. In some ways, the book was a typical coming out story. However, by combining his autobiography with a queer, black political manifesto, Mr. Johnson created something unique. His story mirrored my own – young feminine boy grows up in heteronormative household – except for two important differences: he’s black and he had a very supportive family.
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I don’t know much about being gay in the black community. I had an AfricanAmerican boyfriend – Dwayne - for a spell when I lived in San Francisco. When he and I went to his (black) church, I could hear the elder women in the church whisper about us. “What a waste”, they said as we squeezed past them into a pew.
I wasn’t sure that we were “a waste” because he was gay or because I was white. Or both.
This experience gave me a little insight into Mr. Johnson’s tale of being a double minority, and how each minority mistrusted the other: the AfricanAmerican community wasn’t thrilled with him being gay, and the (mostly white) gay community wasn’t very welcoming because he was black.
As a gay white guy, watching all the BLM protests has left me feeling largely ignorant and helpless. Today, I had lunch with a new acquaintance (older, white, wealthy, gay) who told me, “I’m so sick of all those BLM protests. I’m voting for Trump and anyone who opposes the Democrats.” I sat there, my food growing cold. In shock, I didn’t trust myself to respond. I kept thinking, “How could you say that? How could you believe that?” But, for a change, I sat quietly, listening. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I WILL speak up about it. But, that wasn’t the moment. I had no idea he felt this way. My gut reaction was to stand up, grab his shoulders and “shake some sense” into him. Luckily for us both, I didn’t.
“The Night Watchman” talks about how Native American people made their way through a largely racist, white world, from North Dakota in 1953 to present-day Minneapolis. Ms. Erdrich – long one of my favorite writers – weaves a tapestry of two cultures, often diametrically opposed. She presents both cultures as rather hapless, doing the best they can with what they know. Racism, of course, is always in the background.
Just like today.
Both of these books are about anticipation: the anticipation of something good, right and just after living through oppression, chaos and unfairness. I too, am living with anticipation. I hope to see a Biden-Harris victory and the Senate returning to Democratic leadership. I anticipate the undoing of much of the damage done by four years of the Trump administration. I look forward to a president who is rational, sane and mentally stable.
Whatever the outcome of the election, I anticipate that things will – eventually - get better. I don’t know why, but I have always been deeply optimistic. I’m sure glad I was: it kept me from killing myself as a closeted queer man in my teens and twenties. I didn’t come out until my thirties; I just couldn’t accept being who I was.
Regardless of who wins the election, we all have to face the reality of its aftermath. Even if our candidate(s) win, it’s likely to be a bumpy ride. But, I’m optimistic. I am living with anticipation.
I hope you are too.
bIg MIke aNd frIeNds
big Mike phillips
—Big Mike Phillips is an activist, fundraiser, bartender and photographer who has lived in San Diego for 30 years. He has helped create two nonprofits and raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for charity. He has been a photographer for more than 25 years and has recorded our LGBTQ history not only in San Diego but around the country, including three LGBTQ marches on Washington D.C. Contact Big Mike at 619-8077324, or bmsd1957@gmail.com.
This column, which I have the great fortune to write twice a month thanks to the LGBTQ San Diego County News, has opened my mind and heart sharing with you, the readers, about the people I call my friends — learning who they are and the positive and powerful ways each one of them impact our community and the lives of those they encounter. As I have always said, “We live in the most wonderful city in the world,” mostly because of the people who make our city come to life. I believe it is because of the so many diversified people that we share our communities with. We come from every walk of life, every color, every religion, and every challenge that unites us as a people. We learn from each other as we also teach each other about our cultures, diversity, sexuality, and the common thread that actually does brings us together as human beings. Kindness and compassion are a huge and important factor that I can say has always been a leading example of so many people in our community, but I know no one who holds this truth better than my wonderful friend Saul Mendoza.
At 16 years old, Saul immigrated from a small rural town outside of Acapulco, Mexico to the United States, scared but happy to be here for a better opportunity in life. Saul did have a brother living here but he moved back to Mexico only after being here two months. Not knowing what to expect, Saul found himself alone, not able to speak or understand the English language was a huge challenge, but one he was willing to learn how to overcome. He knew he would need to work hard to do what was expected to make America his new home.
In the early years of moving here to San Diego, he worked hard to learn how to speak English and made a few friends that helped him with shelter and food. In 1992, Saul found his break and prayers answered when he landed a job at Hamburger Mary’s. He said to me, “to this day I will always cherish the love and gratitude that Chris Shaw and Doug Snider gave me. If it had not been for them, I do not know where I would be today.” Saul also said: “I then realized I would need to put in the effort, dedication, and love into my work, then that is when you get the results of having the three most important things one will need to survive in life, shelter, food, and clothes. I knew then my dreams had become reality.”
I had the great fortune of first meeting (and working side by side with) Saul when I was given the opportunity to bartend (at the then) Hamburger Mary’s back in the early 1990s. In fact, he opened the door and let me in that morning I reported for my very first shift. He was the first person I met on my first day of work. His position may have been bar-back and busboy, but he knew everything that was going on there. If it had not been for Saul that morning, I would had been completely lost. I kept asking him questions, and every time with his big smile he would say, “No worries amigo, I’m here to help you,” and help me he did. As long as we worked together and to this very day, Saul has never changed his amazing, helpful and kind attitude toward his work and the people he encounters daily.
Over the years, I have personally watched Saul grow from being that shy, young, hard-working man into an impor-
saUl MeNdOZa
Saul Mendoza photos by Big Mike Phillips
tant part of the structure of the MO’s Universe team. Admired and respected by the team members he works with, he’s taken on leadership roles that prove he has more confidence and knowledge of himself. His customers are loyal, and always feel that they are the only special ones when Saul takes care of them.
Saul loves his job and his co-workers so much that he could not stop talking about his relationship with them: “I am very blessed to have the opportunity to work for a company where they let you have the freedom to be who you are, and express yourself along with our agreements and disagreements, but at the end of the day you can still call it home, that is what Chris Shaw teaches us. So, what else can I say from this experience? Well for one, I got the three most important things: food, clothes, and shelter. To top it all off, I made a lot of new friends, I learned more English, I learned so much from being around other people. I just enjoy my life at Baja Betty’s so much. Because that’s how I see and feel when I spend time feeling good with my co-workers, all my friends that come over to visit me and share part of their lives, and their stories. I am blessed that my friends and customers spend their time just to hear all my crazy stories of what I am going through every day in my life. Everything that my work offers me makes me feel good to share everything with those I call my family. That is why I can say I am truly a Mexican because you will hear that famous phrase that we say, “MI CASA ES TU CASA.” Saul says he is just a regular worker in a restaurant; he cleans tables, helps the bartenders, bartends himself and waits on tables. But in my book, there is nothing regular about his work ethic, his kindness and his willingness to make sure your experience is the best he possibly can offer you. I know Chris and Doug feel like they made the right choice when they invited Saul to be a part of the MO’s family so many years ago.
Saul is now 45 years old, since his journey to the United States began
Big Mike and Saul Mendoza
at 16 years old, he was unable to get a high school diploma, but he has proudly accomplished learning English and has become a United States citizen. He realizes the importance to give back to those who are also in need of help. Saul has never forgotten his own struggles and gladly volunteers his time and money to local organizations in need. It is not uncommon to see him volunteering for organizations like Christie’s Place, Mama’s Kitchen (delivering food to clients impacted with HIV/AIDS), PACTO Latino and anyone else who asks, he will do his best to support them. As he says: “I will do what I can, I will find away, because that is what makes me a much better person. Passing it forward to help others makes me feel I belong, because I have been there myself.” Now Saul did mention to me that he would like to get more involved with Hillcrest organizations that help keep our neighborhood clean. “I love my neighborhood of Hillcrest; it is my home, and it should always look and stay clean.”
Over the many years and working extremely hard, Saul has made it his passion to travel as much as he possibly can. He has traveled to more than 19 countries all over the world, learning their cultures, art and meeting the people. Saul says it is the greatest gift he gives himself to experience the globe and realized how fortunate he is to live in the greatest country in the world. He travels with different people over the years and even says that he is the easiest person to travel with if anyone ever needs a travel companion.
Saul calls himself the “troublemaker,” but it is all good trouble, that is for sure. If you have never met Saul, you should take the time to go visit him at Baja Bettys. He works the day shift Monday through Friday. You will be glad you did. San Diego is filled with so many wonderful and hard-working individuals we love to support and enjoy seeing when we go to our favorite hang outs. I, myself, have appreciated the loyalty and support over the last 30 years in the food and beverage industry. I have learned so much about myself just by knowing Saul — watching another human being like him take on life with such gratitude every single day has made me stop and appreciate my life even more. Never stop being who you are Saul, and I pray that all your dreams come true. You deserve that, and I love you, dear friend.
artiSt ProfilE: MarTIN “MIx” lUera
By patric Stillman
for 20 years, border artist Martin Luera has explored issues of gender and cultural identity through figurative works including bullfighters and priests. his work has undergone a significant shift since he transitioned five years ago. “I like the work to be seen as a triumph of what can happen when you finally assert yourself and let the world know who you are.”
Martin Luera, also known by the nickname Mix, is a local artist who has lived in the region all his life. Raised in a traditional Mexican family, Luera found a calling for the arts at an early age. He holds a bachelor’s in Fine Art and French from the University of San Diego and an MFA from San Diego State University. Luera currently teaches life drawing and art foundation courses for both universities.
Luera was aware of feeling different as early as 5 years old. Though he was born in a female body, he recalls being called a boy so many times that his mother gave up trying to explain that her daughter was not a boy. He found that it was challenging to make sense of one’s identity while growing up during a time when there was no public discussion of Transgender identity.
He initially came out as a Lesbian. By his mid-30s, he became aware of who he truly was and knew that he wanted to transition by the time he was 40. In 1996, he met Ana Ibarra, who would become his wife in 2008. Though his desire to transition initially came as a surprise to Ana, she has been Martin’s greatest supporter. Ana jokes that the only disappointment is that she is no longer seen as a Gay woman but just another typical wife standing by her husband.
During the transition, Luera decided to us the name Mix to help people move from calling him by his birth name. He felt that Mix was gender neutral and held a connection to his Mexican lineage. Mix is short for Mixcoatl, the Aztec god of the hunt and inventor of fire. After transitioning, he finally settled on the name Martin, which continues a family tradition.
Over the course of his career, the secret of his identity as seen through his art was subtly hidden in academic speech. Luera had to discover the language and history in which he could place his artwork and have it accepted as ‘real art’ as defined by formal art issues as opposed to personal issues. It created an interesting challenge for the artist presenting a dual life where the work was seen in one way and interpreted in another way as an act of personal survival.
Offering a unique perspective on established themes, Luera has created a body of work of figurative paintings exploring gender perception and expectations depicting idealized male figures in situations and roles traditionally reserved for the female figure. Bullfighters, priests and other men appear as representations of people crossing the boundaries between masculine and feminine.
Two years ago, Luera was featured in the Escondido Center for the Arts “Campus Creatives” exhibition. He was excited to have his work hanging alongside other local artists he holds in esteem. The biennial exhibition underscores the talents of visual arts educators and highlights San Diego’s presence in the art world.
Acceptance of being Transgender and transitioning has given Luera newfound freedom to live fully as himself. Naturally, this has also shifted how he engages in his own creativity. Having spent years learning the rules, Luera is ready to break a few of them. Less concerned with formal art issues, he is having a bit more fun with the work playing with composition and provocative figures.
“After teaching for so many years and seeing people struggle with so many different issues in their lives,” said Luera, “I can see how art can function as a way to communicate and survive. Especially now, art is a factor in successfully moving through some really challenging times.”
Nearing 60, Luera is hoping to expose his art as much as possible. He is working on a retrospective, giving a history of how the works have changed as his own thinking has evolved over the decades since his 20s. In conjunction with exploring gender, the exhibition will also be connected to how the work connects to his Mexican heritage. “Mexican culture tends not to be outspoken at times and an art exhibition encourages dialogue,” said Luera. “I hope that I can encourage others to let the world know who they are and how they feel about things.”
Martin Luera can be found online on at Facebook and Instagram under @MLueraCollections. Additionally, you can find sugar skulls and other creations inspired by Mexican tradition by Luera online with Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/mlueracollections
Patric Stillman is a fine artist and gallery owner of The Studio Door. If you are an artist in San Diego’s LGBTQ community and would like to be featured in an artist profile, please contact Patric for consideration at patric@thestudiodoor.com.
Actor, singer and culture guide Jai Rodriguez has been giving it his all. We had the pleasure of talking with him about: his career; his life experiences and how being “out and proud” has shaped his outlook on life; not being afraid to get in drag to perform some very historical roles; and always finding the heart in every project.
Jai on the COVID-19 pandemic:
I was really panicking at first, because I hadn’t really thought much before about how much of my career is with folks in person and having live audiences. When I’m not working on a television show, I usually tour my cabaret show, promote parties and nightlife or do speaking engagements and all those require crowds. All went away and I panicked for minute. And then in July, I hosted the Daytime Emmys, safely in an isolated studio and it was a sign that things are slowly turning back and we are figuring out ways to keep everyone safe and still make television. That’s been really great and I’m feeling really optimistic. We shot a “Queer Eye”-style reunion with my OG cast and that kind of gave me less of anxiety about work. And I love that “Equal” is out, but it’s HBO Max, and some of these streaming platforms have very, very small budgets and so you’re doing these projects out of labors of love. It’s not like a traditional network or anything else so, it’s really exciting. I’m feeling like during the pandemic, I’ve used the time wisely and productively, I launched a website, I go live every day at 5 on my Facebook, connecting with this new audience. It’s been nice and cathartic to be able to share my journey every day and then document more fun stuff for the website and kind of find some purpose in this time of “whatever.” It’s been very anxious times for all of us, but, you know, finding a purpose, I think has been really helpful for me.
I had two aquariums prior to the pandemic beginning, now I have six. I have kind of created my own little ecosystem here at home and it keeps me busy. It’s been tricky to kind of stay connected with folks because those Zoom parties and all that, that was cute in the spring and a little bit in the summer, but then I was just like “OK.” I’m one of those people that I’m just very much about following the rules because usually for us show business folks, if you’ve been exposed to COVID, you can’t get on the set, or if you test positive they’re not going to hold production for you. No, they will just get someone else. It’s a livelihood thing too for many of us. So, I’ve been obeying the rules and making the best with the fur babies and just trying to have some semblance of a new normal, but I definitely think we’re in this for a minute!
Growing up Puerto Rican/Italian in Long Island:
It was pretty common in Long Island. There’s always some speculating of a couple of different groupings. Usually it’s Puerto Rican, Italian, Jewish people on Long Island; you could get a mix of all three. That certainly was my experience growing up. So, it was really common. And then when I moved here, I remember people asking, “So where in Mexico is your family from?” And I was like, “Oh, no, we’re not, oh wait, I’m on this side of the country now,” usually if you are any kind of beige there, they just assumed you’re from somewhere in the Caribbean, you could be Puerto Rican or Cuban. It was a spicy childhood. And then in California, it was interesting how that was not the first thing that people guessed.
Realizing that he was Gay:
Not to be funny, but in hindsight, I think it is funny. I didn’t think it was a thing. Meaning I didn’t believe it was
Photo by Storm Santos, @stormshoots
true, I thought it was just a cruel joke and it was a slur that people used. But no, homosexuality actually wasn’t real because I didn’t have any exposure to it. Certainly not in media or in the limited amount of access I had to the outside world. I grew up very evangelical. So, if it wasn’t for the glory of God, it wasn’t in the house. You remember, the internet in my teens was new and reserved only for people with money and computers in their homes and even then, it was dial up. The only access I had to the cyber world was in the computer lab at school. It was the beginning stages of the internet, you try to Google a picture of a naked man and it took 47 minutes for a search result but by then, I’d have to get to my next class. I could not wrap my brain around how two men could be intimate with one another because I had never seen it and I thought I was the only one experiencing it. So honestly it wasn’t until my first musical (“Rent”) at the age of about 17 that I saw a gay couple but even then, it was kind of interesting because of all the love songs and the “lovey dovey” moments. In that musical, being that Angel was in drag, from the audience perspective; many people didn’t notice that it was the same character that they had met as a
JaI rOdrIgUeZ on bEinG a TraiLBLazEr anD finDinG tHE HEarT in EVEry ProjEct
By cesar a reyes
boy in the beginning. But that was the first time I was able to talk about those things with friends. Certainly not at that point identifying myself but I knew that I had an attraction and a curiosity about the logistics of how it worked. So therefore, I didn’t say anything. And then when I booked “Rent” a year later at 18, right after graduating high school, I knew I had to share it with family because I couldn’t just leave home to do this Broadway show so I think in many ways, talking about the character was kind of my backdoor way (pun intended) of coming out because they were so against everything that Angel stood for; an HIV-positive drag queen who was very comfortable in her skin. This wasn’t necessarily something that my family could wrap their brains around. I remember when I told my mom, her exact words were, “I don’t want that sickness in my house. You’ve got to go.” So I was disconnected from my family for a long time. My dad left when I was young. I don’t even know his whereabouts. So really, in many ways, I remember well, my mom had me so young that basically we moved back in with her mother; my grandmother and my grandmother raised my mom and I like siblings and we grew up in my mother’s childhood bedroom, two twin beds and a small room. That was normal to me until I was 12 or 13 when we got our first place. But at that point, we functioned as roommates so I was basically on my own at 18 but thankfully with a big job. I really explored my adolescence in my late teens and early 20s because I had exposure to the outside world and to mentors and a bunch of LGBTQ+ folks who really stepped in and became my family of choice.
About the show ‘Equal’ and Jose Sarria
Things have shifted where an LGBTQ+ character or actor can openly carry the series as a one, two, three on the call sheet, meaning they have one of the top largest roles and who they choose to love or their gender expression or their gender identity — those things are now just a piece of them. But they can also now be a lawyer, they could be funny, they could be an assh*le. It doesn’t matter. I mean, we still have a lot of bias in Hollywood and we still have a lot of work and pressure we need to put on production companies and studios to tell stories accurately and allow our community to tell our own stories.
I love our allies, but sometimes they get it wrong from the executive level down in the best efforts of trying to tell our story.
That’s what was so great about being part of “Equal.” Scout Productions (the producers of “Equal”) also created “Queer Eye” and while they weren’t necessarily hands-on when I was on set or anything, they had a great director, Stephen Kijak, who directed a couple episodes of “Queer Eye,” coincidentally enough. I didn’t initially audition for Jose Sarria, I auditioned for another character. They basically had everyone auditioning for, I think, five characters. I think mine were specifically the New York storylines. And I was like, I don’t look anything like this white man with blue eyes who is Jewish. There’s no way I’m going to be able to play this. But they just wanted to see people’s acting ability. I remember I had worn my Apple Watch (like an idiot) to the audition for a series that takes place in 1916 (way to go, Jai) and it was blowing up during the audition. I was getting all these texts and I knew that my “Queer Eye” boys were flying in from the East Coast because we were shooting “Family Feud” the next day and they were trying to make plans to meet up. My phone was blowing up, and so I get out of the audition for “Equal” and as I’m returning texts, I noticed the creator of “Queer Eye” is on the group chat and I thought “that’s funny,” I have not talked to him in years, I was wondering what he needed and he was wondering what all the guys were doing in town? Because anytime we do anything now, it’s nothing to do with the original producers, the minute “Queer Eye” was done, anything we’ve done outside of that has never been sanctioned or organized by the OG producers. So, they were clueless, but they were like, “oh my God, how cool, you’re reuniting.” And we said yes at “Family Feud.” I apologized for my delay in returning texts, “I was just auditioning for an HBO show.” He asked, “Which one?” I was said “Equal,” and he replied with, “that’s our show.” And although I’ve never done this, I said, “I’ve earned this next comment. So can we just cut through the red tape, why don’t you just offer me something in this?” First off, because I felt like if you’re going to use trailblazers and such, I definitely fit that part. But also, I felt confident with the audition I had just done, and I knew that the role I was auditioning for probably wasn’t right, but that maybe they could find something else. He replied, “Oh my God, if you really want to do it, let me talk to my production partner.” So, he had his production partner call me. He’s like, “hey, I’m in South America right now traveling, but I will reach out to you and see if there’s something.” And they came back two weeks later with the role of Jose. I could not have been more thrilled because there are so many similarities in terms of who I organically am, set aside from the fact that I can sing and that I tour in “Cabaret” and all the other stuff. But we just have so many crossovers. I was thrilled because it is a better part than the one I went in for.
I had been working in San Francisco a lot for the charity the Richmond/Ermet Aid Foundation. They do a couple of gala concerts and I do about four a year for them. I’m always there and there are so many people from the Imperial Court System who attend the events and I remember going for the first time and thinking “who in the British Parliament Hell is this gentleman with the sparkly crown?” I had no idea. So, over the years, I got to really unpack the history of the Imperial Court. Now, while “Equal” doesn’t cover that because it’s just what they call a primer. With each character, you’re basically just learning the base coat of their lives, which I kind of hope and I said it on set and I keep repeating it in every interview, I hope they do
Photo by Storm Santos, @stormshoots
Jai Rodriguez as Angel in “Rent”
a season two and that we get to unpack more because Jose’s contributions of serving in the war and also politically energizing an entire generation of people as well as founding the Imperial Court, his contributions in politics and speaking out about those who were not politically engaged, getting them involved, having people’s voices matter and bringing them to the polls — we’re talking about the same things today. So, knowing that call to action has been in place for decades, it gives you a stronger sense of pride to understand that we come from a long history of heroes who have fought for our community in times where it was literally illegal. I think if you try to explain that to a kid who grew up in this generation when they have marriage equality, when they might have grown up and seen the White House lit up with rainbow colors, you get complacent and you might think that everything’s OK. And then this administration comes in and suddenly we’re now back, in a space where we have to talk about some of the trickier issues among ourselves. I think one of the shocking things is people are very surprised that there are supporters of this administration who happen to be part of our community. And that’s tricky. I think when you see shows like “Equal” and you hear the kind of things that these characters, these real people were fighting for, it really gives you pause because it shows how far we’ve come and how far we still have to go.
On being a trailblazer for the Latino LGBTQ+ community
First of all, it’s funny because the first time that I was kind of spoken about in that way, I thought was, “Oh God,
Jai Rodriguez as Jose Sarria in HBO Max’s “Equal”
I’m old.” But now I think that it’s great. Billy Porter has this interview were he says, “As a trailblazer, usually it’s pretty rare that you get to reap the benefits of the trail you blaze. Usually you get it the hardest and the people behind you have it a little bit easier.” And he was saying for the first time in his life, the trail that he helped blaze, he is actually getting a bit of, call it recognition or whatever but he’s now reaping the benefits of the work, because he’s been out for so long and had a really hard time getting work at a certain portion of his career, he talks really openly about that. And just to highlight why that’s important is people will tell you not to say things like that. “Don’t say that because they won’t hire you for stuff.” But it’s the truth. And unless you start having these conversations about, “Oh, he’s too Latin.” I remember doing “Queer Eye.” All my brothers on the show got these six-figure or multimillion-dollar endorsement deals. I couldn’t get anything to happen. I couldn’t get a book deal, nothing. The common response back then in coded language was just bottom line, “He’s just not marketable, he’s too ethnic, he’s slightly fem and it’s just not what America will latch onto.” Never mind that I had one of the highest Q ratings (which is how the audience sees you) and that didn’t matter. There was still stigma around not being straight presenting. There were the Gays who always got the cover of the magazines. What’s their next project? And they got two lines in the show. And I just did six episodes on this and I’m not getting coverage. It was like a tier system, there was a kind of Gay that was acceptable to be and I can only speak to my experience. But the Gay was, you had two choices. You could be straight passing or someone that people would say, “I can’t believe he’s Gay.” Or you could be, what was called at that time, flamboyant; where you are the soundbite quippy Gay. But if you felt anywhere else on the spectrum of being a Queer man, it was like, “I don’t know, he’s not fabulous enough.” It was just very interesting. Now, I think there’s a stronger push to be authentic. But at the time, it was very much “we need to put you in a box and if we don’t know what that box is, we’re just not going to put you in anything.” And so, I understand the weight of that.
So when people say, “you’re kind of an iconic part of LGBTQ+ history because for millions of people is the first time they saw themselves reflected in that way,” I can embrace it and accept the part, but I always think it wasn’t as easy as people think, behind the scenes are really tricky and definitely cause moments of questioning your own selfworth and trying to (at times) fit into certain spaces and just being on a show that the themes were style, taste and class and I just thought that sounded so elitist. That piece was really hard for me. So, what I brought was the heart and a more grounded sensibility that was probably more in line with what the straight guy needed in that moment. So, once he had this fancy situation occur to him, getting to the real root of the heart of the issue and helping him in that space was always my passion. I think that’s one of the biggest takeaways of the work I do now is I want that heart in all the work.
What’s next for Jai and where can we catch him?
I’m on all social media. It’s just @ JaiRodriguez, every one with the blue checkmark. That’s the best way to stay connected with me. I have a new website, which is really exciting because the joke was, “When are you going to get an OnlyFans page” and I was like, “probably never.” So, my answer to that was something I’m calling Jai’s World and it’s basically exclusive footage and behind the scenes; there is a podcast and pictures and videos and how-to guides, recipes and cooking things and that’s JaisWorld.pubninja.com. So that’s been really fun because there’s different tier systems and every day, I go live on my Facebook page at 5 p.m. and I’ve developed this global community because it was so scary when everything started and I wanted a way to connect, and on Mondays, I do like a human jukebox — you type what you want me to sing and I perform it. But the community that was formed from these people, from all over the world, now they’re friends and we just welcome everybody at 5 p.m. It’s been a beautiful thing to kind of find this virtual community, because you never know who is following you on social media, and I really got to know these people. Then the “Queer Eye” reunion will air next summer and outside of “Equal,” if you want to go back this year. If they miss me on “The Rookie,” season two, the episode was “The Overnight.” And it is a different kind of character. I think the fun thing would be to watch that and then watch “Equal” because I definitely don’t play the same character at all. I play kind of the bad guy in “The Rookie,” but it is quite a departure, where people were like calling me and commenting, “Oh my God, you were so scary.” So I guess a job well done. That was the best part of it, to be able to play someone who was disturbed or like I like to say, “He is going through a hard time. He had a very bad night and you didn’t catch him at the best time.
Later in the month, Jai will be receiving two of the Imperial Court’s highest honors, The International Jose Julio Sarria Equality Honor and the International Empress 1 Jose Medal of Distinction.
