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MAY 2021 voluMe 2 issue 12
May 7, 2021 voLuME 2 iSSuE 12
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LGBTQSD.NEWS
entertainMent
CoMMunity voiCes
puBliC serviCe
arTisT profiLe: Alexis Archibald p12
ConversaTions wiTh niCoLe SDPD “Safe Place” Program p7
orney news CiTy aTTorney Keeping Our Libraries Safe and Accessible p4 disTriCT aTTorney news Beware of the Puppy Scam p4 a noTe froM Toni Plenty to Celebrate this May p6
sd inTernaTionaL fiLM fesTivaL LGBTQIA+ Shorts-fest Films p13
Big Mike & friends Feat. Kristopher Reynolds p8
Life Beyond Therapy Balancing Sexual Expression with Emotional Connection poziTiveLy MiChaeL geTTin’ ziggy (part 2)p9 wiTh iT Let’s Talk On the Road to Self-Love p11 Resources p10
health h
Meet Dr. Sandy Colvard p14 B Business proFile Sweet Rabbit Ice Cream p15 sports
San Diego Softball League Celebrates 40th Year p5 Photography by Big Mike Phillips
Motherhood and Building a loving FaMily
Journey oF CoMpassion
on The Mexican Border By Big Mike phillips
I
believe there are so many wonderful individuals in the world that have made a positive difference in so many lives. In fact, it is a privilege for me to be a part of a community that can share their hearts, mind, love, and hard work to build human acceptance for another human being. It makes no difference where you are from, being in need and having to ask complete strangers for help is not easy. My friend Jack Nooren invited me to join him to travel to Tijuana, the border town in Mexico to help feed a group of refugees that have made it this far, asking for asylum to come into the United States. We pulled up to a camp literally full of hundreds of tents side by side; watched as the people gathered and waved to Jack, knowing he is coming with food. Jack delivers food every single day and they know, trust and love seeing him. He treats them all with compassion, dignity, and makes every single person feel that they are valuable. Jack bought around 500 tents so that those who had nothing would have some sort of dwelling while there. I personally have never done anything like this or witnessed anything so heartbreaking, but at the same time witnessed the love of what just one person can do. This journey has opened my heart and has allowed me to see so much more. Thank you, Jack. I did not witness or see any “drug dealers, criminals or rapists,” instead I saw people who are frightened, lonely, and committed refugees who have walked hundreds of miles, with hopes of a better life for themselves and their families.
The Monica and BriTney FonTanoza FaMily By Cesar a reyes
n celebration of Mother’s Day, we spoke with a fantastic couple regarding motherhood, raising kids during the pandemic and being an activeduty military family. Monica and Britney share the joys that having children brings and what they look forward to this coming Mother’s Day.
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rEaD oN paGE 3 The Fontanoza Family (courtesy photo)
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Cover story
MAY 2021 voluMe 2 issue 12
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Motherhood and Building a Loving Family continued from page 1 The Fontanoza Family (courtesy photos)
What does Mother’s Day mean to you? Now that we have these crafty, bright children, Mother’s Day has been pretty fun. We tell them stories about how our love brought us together and how deeply we dreamed of them. We talk between ourselves about the babies we have lost and the extraordinary drive to motherhood that made us push on until we got our rainbow babies. Motherhood humbles us. The ways in which we were raised is different from the other, and it pushes us to want and provide for our children in every best way we can find. What is one thing you discovered about your family during the pandemic? We have been fortunate to witness each individual child’s growing passions, capabilities and interests! Being able to be present and see them develop has been priceless. Also, we have discovered we really like plants.
Please give our readers a little bit of history. How long have you been together? Britney: Almost eight years, our inseparable journey began on May 12, 2013. We had pretty similar profiles on POF (plentyoffish. com), looking for friends and we both say the other made the first move. At the time, Monica was away in training, so we had a solid two weeks of 12-plus hours of facetime getting to know each other. The way we connected was organic, and the conversations between us... just flowed. When Monica came back and we finally met in person, it was a very shy meeting. We went on scenic walks and ended up watching our first sunset together. The first time I asked to hold Britney’s hand, I literally felt lightening through my body. It changed me, the most prolific moment in my life; to finally physically connect. How did you two meet and when did you decide you wanted to have kids? Monica: We met on POF, oh so typical at that time. Neither of us knew that it was
“MoTHerHooD HuMBLes us. THe WAys In WHIcH We Were rAIseD Is DIfferenT froM THe oTHer, AnD IT PusHes us To WAnT AnD ProvIDe for our cHILDren In every BesT WAy We cAn fInD.”
a hook-up site, but it explained a lot of the interactions we had individually with others! Right away, we spoke of our desire to have children. Britney made me three promises: we’re going to get married, have children and build forts together. We married November 2013 and had already begun plans to conceive at home. We had our first daughter in 2015, second in 2018 and son in 2020. Britney: Monica is next to conceive at the end of this year! How is it having three little ones, especially during the pandemic? The journey of motherhood has been quite an awakening and adventure. From dreaming and conceiving, to being
Mommy and Mama to three absolute forces of incredible nature. We are humbled to watch them grow and thrive daily, learning about them as much as we learn about ourselves. Britney: Due to the pandemic, Monica mainly worked at home, so it’s been amazing for her to be present and interactive. Being present is extremely important to her, especially growing up in a military lifestyle. Our biggest wins for the kids that make staying at home a breeze is arts and crafts and plenty of outdoor adventures. Our children are very sensory, so discovering new things for them and being creative has really helped ground us all during this time.
How long have you been in the military? Monica: I have been in the U.S. Army for 13 years! I spent eight years as a reservist, two [years] mobilized and three [years] as a U.S. Army Recruiter. Are there specific challenges your family faces related to being LGBTQ while serving in the military? Is it difficult? Monica: I deal with individual mentalities concerning opposing views on Gays in the military. For the most part, I’ve been extremely grateful for the ability to impact hearts and minds by being my authentic self. By doing this, I allow others to see me and decipher that the mentality they were raised with does not dictate their individual mind. Honestly, keeping in shape and changing lives is not difficult for me at all. I am honored to serve and continue to serve. Being active duty provides the utmost stability for my family. Access to free medical care for the family has been crucial during these uncertain times. Instead of surviving paycheck to paycheck like we have all done, we are thriving.
Is it still difficult to be an LGBTQ parent in this day and age? We often do get those people who have something to say, or a gesture to pass our way. It’s such a waste of energy to care, so we don’t. We have had conversations with some who were raised a certain way and meeting us changed everything for them. I like it when difficult things become nothing once you shine a light on it. What is the one lesson you try teaching your kids? Be kind. Be kind to yourself, be kind to animals and be kind to others. Any more children in the future? One more in store for us! What advice would you give to couples thinking about kids? Be prepared to learn. Learn everyday about how to prepare yourself for every stage of parenthood. Get apps and don’t be afraid to join social groups to help decompress and begin your journey with others. Expand your mind and release your doubt. Your children are your lineage. You get to choose to put a kind amazing being on this earth.
Cover story
lgbtqsd.news
Journey of Compassion on the Mexican Border continued from page 1 Photography by Big Mike Phillips
The United States is not the only country that takes in refugees; in fact, we are one on a list of 14 developed counties that do. With Mexico being our neighbors, they work their way to the United States. Recently, when migrants started to accumulate at the border, Jack and others felt empathetic and decided to set up a kitchen to provide nutritious meals. Now they are hosting nearly 2,500 refugees in this camp and provide nutritious meals every day with the help of other partnerships. Initially, Jack purchased the meals for the first few weeks, however a great friend of his, Claye Cantwell, who owns TopNotch Catering, graciously offered to cook these healthy and nutritious meals that Jack delivers to the border camp. Jack also receives help from World Central Kitchen, an amazing nonprofit organization along with many other people who have donated food and financial aid. They can always use more, as the camp keeps growing. This all started when Jack heard how some of the LGBTQ+ refugees were getting beaten up. He learned about Casa de Luz approximately three years ago. It is a LBGTQ+ collective house much different from a shelter. At Casa de Luz, they become partners with refugees and migrants, as they do not just help them with their housing and life’s essential needs after a long voyage from their home country; Casa de Luz also helps them find legal assistance with their asylum application. The collective housing helps them find sponsorship in our country, which is required to find asylum in the United States. They are dedicated as they advocate for
Jack Nooren
them politically and constantly working to improve their lives. Notice the key word is “HELP.” The collective house is in Playas Tijuana; it is near the beach and they have rented an old nightclub that has outgrown its needs. As Jack is in real estate investments, he decided to look for a more permanent home and found three condominiums that were for sale. He made an offer and the owners accepted it. Two of the condos will become dormitories with 22 bedrooms and one of the condos will become a guest house, which will also be available to people who wish to check out their programs and like to contribute. Also, welcoming Airbnb guests who are willing to pay with the money going back into the program. There is some extra land on the property that will allow them to build two large rooms; it will have a kitchen, dining hall and a room for social gatherings, where the resistance can watch TV and movies together. Jack is hopeful that by late summer, all construction will be completed. Fundraisers are being planned to buy new bunk beds, a TV, furniture, and appliances. They do not discriminate and always welcome your generosity. Jack recently
started a 501(c)(3) under the name Casa de Luz SD. They will have a board consisting of great people with strong leadership and fundraising skills. Their new website is under construction which will have a donation link. (Casa de luz.com). Jack shared with me: “In my life, I’ve been very blessed with two beautiful children, a successful career and wonderful friendships. When I came out late in life, I had a great support system that I still rely upon. Our life here is so good that we sometimes do not realize how great we have it. We dwell on not getting our meal on time at a restaurant or having to stand in line at the Apple store to get your new $1,000 iPhone. There so many people living with real hardship since they cannot live openly within their sexual orientation, and fear persecution every single day as there’s no police protection. There is so many people at the border with an extremely hard past looking for a brighter future. If we become more empathetic, we can help so many people finally see light at the end of the tunnel. I have received so much love and kindness and appreciation from so many new friends I have met at the border. I strongly encourage anyone interested in getting involved to reach out to me.” Jack Nooren: jack@jacknooren.com or text 858-750-5000. Until we have walked in their shoes, then we have no idea what it is like to be helpless, only hoping and praying that the strangers they meet will treat them with dignity as human beings and help them finish their journey toward a better life. I believe in my heart that we all deserve that.
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MAY 2021 voluMe 2 issue 12
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image by shutterstock.com
City attorney news Mara w. elliott —Mara W. Elliott was elected City Attorney of San Diego in 2016 after serving as the chief deputy attorney for the Office’s Public Services Section and legal adviser to the city’s Independent Audit Committee and Environment Committee. Elliott and the lawyers in her section held polluters accountable, reformed city contracting, cut administrative red tape, and strengthened the city’s living wage and non-discrimination in contracting ordinances.
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hether we were chasing Curious George, discovering Where the Wild Things Are, or devouring Green Eggs and Ham, trips to the library with my two boys were always an adventure. Like most parents, I cherish those moments, especially now that they’re teenagers. I can hardly wait until our libraries are wide open again, buzzing with patrons. Families throughout San Diego have their own treasured library routines. With more than 5.3 million books available at no charge, and limitless educational programming, our 36 City libraries are the true gems of our neighborhoods. Throughout the pandemic, our library employees have devised creative solutions to ensure our libraries remain hubs for enrichment and education. From setting up outdoor computer labs to making free internet hot spots and laptops available for check-out to developing dynamic digital programming
distriCt attorney news
Keeping our liBraries SaFe and acceSSiBle
for kids, our libraries have played a critical role in keeping communities connected during COVID. I’m proud of the behind-the-scenes work the City Attorney’s Office does to support our libraries and make them accessible and safe. Attorneys in our office provide legal advice for day-to-day operations. We advise on issues ranging from the First Amendment to accessibility under the Americans with Disabilities Act to intellectual property. We assist in negotiating and implementing contracts associated with technology, publications, security, parking, maintenance, and much more. And the work performed by our library personnel often involves keen
observation skills, knowledge of the criminal justice system, and the ability to tap into a network of resources who can readily assist depending on the issue at hand. For instance, library employees, who are trusted by the patrons they serve, are on the front lines in identifying and helping children who may be experiencing abuse or exploitation. They endure assaults, racial slurs, profanities, aggressive behavior, and intoxicated patrons. Our Office has intervened in unsafe situations to obtain restraining orders to keep dangerous patrons off premises and protect library employees. Since 2009, the City Attorney’s Office has obtained restraining orders against 19 individuals who posed
through classified ads. Many puppy mill breeders pose as responsible home breeders and use legitimate looking websites that mask the true conditions of their operations. The only way to ensure you are dealing with a legitimate breeder is to personally visit the premises. Responsible breeders are proud of their dogs and will happily show you their facilities and introduce you to their dam and sire dogs.
puppy Mills
Beware oF The PuPPy ScaM
summer stephan image by shutterstock.com
—District Attorney Summer Stephan has dedicated more than 29 years to serving justice and victims of crime as prosecutor. She is a national leader in fighting sex crimes and human trafficking and in creating smart and fair criminal justice solutions and restorative justice practices that treat the underlying causes of addiction and mental illness and that keep young people from being incarcerated.
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here’s a reason it’s against the law for pet stores to sell puppies from commercial breeders: because they often come from puppy mills, which are unscrupulous and cruel high-volume breeding grounds in which mother dogs can spend their entire lives in heartbreaking conditions. The San Diego bill was signed into law last year, but still allows pet stores to partner with rescues and shelters for adoption events. Many pet owners don’t know that when they buy a dog from a pet store or over the Internet, that pet most likely came from a puppy mill, where dogs live in small cages, often in the minimum legal size allowed. A local example involves a woman named Carrie, who found an adorable labradoodle puppy through a “home hobby breeder” on Craigslist. She agreed to buy
a 7-week-old puppy for $800 and met the breeder in a grocery store parking lot. The second night home, the puppy seemed agitated and would not settle. Carrie figured it was typical rehoming anxiety. The puppy had a couple bouts of diarrhea through the night and the next day the puppy seemed lethargic and would not eat. Carrie emailed and called the breeder but did not get a reply. She took the puppy to a veterinarian, who diagnosed it with parvo and told Carrie the puppy needed intravenous rehydration and antibiotics. The initial vet bill was $1,800. The puppy didn’t survive the week. This is a typical occurrence when buying from a puppy mill or unvetted seller. Puppy mills are commercial, high-volume dog breeding facilities that churn out puppies for profit. Mother dogs often spend their entire lives in cramped in cages with no personal attention, exercise or preventative veterinary care. These dogs are repeatedly bred and often suffer from serious health conditions. When they become too ill to breed, they are euthanized or left to die.
a threat of harm to library employees and patrons. Prior to pandemic closures, a courageous library employee stepped up in a big way to protect her branch. She noticed a man lingering in the children’s section, which she found odd because he didn’t have children with him and didn’t appear to be selecting any books. She quietly observed him for a while and knew something wasn’t right. When the employee lost sight of him, her intuition told her to go look for him. She found him using his cell phone to secretly film up the skirt of an unsuspecting pregnant woman who was there with her three-year-old child. The employee quickly confronted the man, and used her phone to record him, while directing a colleague to call 911. The man ran off, but due to her quick actions and the evidence she captured, police quickly caught up with him. As it turned out, this was not the man’s first time committing crimes like this. He’d been caught before taking pictures up the skirts of other women at a supermarket and a department store. His criminal history suggested he posed an even greater threat. Because of this employee’s quick thinking and dedication to protecting the public, our Office was able to successfully prosecute this case, which ultimately led to a conviction and sex offender registration. While these incidents are troubling, the vast majority of library patrons are there to read, learn, and connect with their neighbors. As we return to the activities we enjoy, including visits to our local libraries, we want to thank our librarians for continuing to provide free, safe, and accessible services in all of our communities despite pandemic challenges. My Office is grateful for their partnership and their commitment to keeping their patrons safe and engaged.
coMMon conDITIons In PuPPy MILLs IncLuDe: • Dogs are kept in filthy cages and are not properly socialized. • Because of their living conditions, puppies often have health and behavior problems that are not immediately obvious but are difficult to overcome. • Puppies bred in these conditions often have serious diseases such as parvo and distemper and will die even after getting veterinary care. • Many unwitting buyers will pay what they believe is a bargain price for a puppy only to run up substantial veterinary bills and then suffer the heartbreak of watching their new puppy die. • Puppies raised in unhygienic conditions are often very difficult to house train. • Buying puppies from puppy mills perpetuates the cycle of animal abuse by encouraging breeders to put profit over the health of the animals. California law prohibits pet stores from selling puppies from commercial breeders, so most puppy mill dogs are sold online, at flea markets and
TIPs on PurcHAsInG A PuPPy: • Do not buy a puppy from a pet store, backyard breeder or Craigslist. • Visit your local animal shelter to adopt a puppy. • Find a puppy through the Helen Woodward Animal Center, www. theshelterpetproject.org and www. adoptapet.com, North America’s largest non-profit adoption websites. • If you want a specific breed, find a reputable breeder through the American Kennel Club www.akc.org. • Research prices for specific breeds. Beware of breeders offering puppies for below market price. They are usually puppy mills in disguise. • Visit the breeder in person. Meet the parent dogs and view the breeders’ premises. The best way to break the cycle of animal abuse is to not buy from a puppy mill. If you were scammed with a sick puppy, report it to the San Diego Humane Society at investigations@ sdhumane.org or by phone at 619-2997012. You can also file a report online through the Humane Society’s law enforcement page. As your District Attorney, I’m committed to increasing communication and accessibility between the DA’s Office and the public. I hope these consumer and public safety tips have been helpful.
sports
lgbtqsd.news
image by Big Mike Philips
san diego soFtBall league celeBraTeS 40Th year Serving lgBTQ+ coMMuniTy By Big Mike phillips
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merica’s Finest City Softball League (AFCSL), San Diego’s largest sports organization by and for the LGBTQ+ community and its allies, celebrated its 40th anniversary Sunday, April 18, at the Santee Sportsplex with an opening ceremony. The event included an official city proclamation, presented by San Diego City Council President Jennifer Campbell (District 2) and City Council President Pro Tem Stephen Whitburn (District 3), who also tossed out the ceremonial first pitch. “Our league started 40 years ago because our community needed a place where they could express their love of sports where they felt safe,” said Joel Trambley, AFCSL open section commissioner and former chair of the San Diego Human Relations Commission. “The world was a different place in 1981. That we get to be here 40 years later, joined by Council President Campbell and Council President Pro Tem Whitburn, celebrating the legacy of those women and men who were brave enough to carve this league out for us to enjoy four decades later is an honor.” While COVID-19 wiped out almost all of the league’s season in 2020 under strict statemandated safety protocols, AFCSL was very careful planning this reopening, and its entire season, to comply with federal, state, county and city guidelines. “We are happy to be able to play softball again while staying within state guidelines and keeping our participants as safe as possible,” said Jessica Sica, AFCSL women+ section commissioner. “In addition to keeping them safe physically with our safety protocols, we are extremely excited to be able to help contribute to their mental health by facilitating the start of the season. It represents
hope and a return of something we love. It’s a chance to feel a sense of normalcy again.” In addition to the proclamation and ceremonial first pitch, the event also included a pledge of allegiance led by two AFCSL Hall of Fame inductees, the national anthem sung a cappella by a USA Softball umpire, a moment of reflection to remember those lives lost during the pandemic and song of remembrance, “Over the Rainbow,” sung by an AFCSL player. Also included was a brief history of the league, including why it was necessary to change the name to “AFCSL” from the “San Diego Gay Softball League” in 1985. (Spoiler alert: The league could not rent fields and someone once showed up with a gun!) “After losing almost our entire season last year, we are thrilled to be back on the field,” Trambley continued. “COVID-19 has been a challenge to every facet of our community. Many of our softball family have lost loved ones, jobs, and have been pushed to the breaking point. That, as much as anything, is why we’re going to be celebrating our return. Our league and our players have been through a lot and this event celebrates our community and its resiliency.” “Softball is about more than hits and runs,” Sica echoed. “Because the AFCSL is specifically by and for the LGBTQ community and our allies, our league is about community. It’s about friends and family. As part of a community that can sometimes feel very isolated, especially over the past year, it’s important we celebrate the fact that our league has been an intersection for our community for 40 years. We’ve been a connecting point for people to find their tribes. I’m sure that, on every one of our 30 teams, you’ll find at least a few players who found their chosen family on these fields.”
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LGBTQ San Diego County News PO Box 34664 San Diego, CA 92163 858.886.9458 PUBLISHER Terry Sidie
a note FroM toni toni g. atkins —Toni G. Atkins represents the 39th District in the California Senate. Follow her on Twitter @SenToniAtkins.
ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER Nicole Murray Ramirez nicolemrsd1@gmail.com 619.241.5672
PlenTy To
CeleBrate this May
CREATIVE DIRECTOR Cesar A. Reyes creativedirector@lgbtqsd.news EDITOR JP Emerson editor@lgbtqsd.news
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ay is the month when we celebrate our mothers and when we honor the memories of those who gave their lives in service to our nation (Memorial Day). This May is a little different, because it also includes the income tax deadline that we normally see on April 15th. The May 17th deadline means that is when we will have a final picture of what the state’s revenues are as we work to enact a state budget by the constitutional deadline in June. I have to tell you how excited I am about the budget we are proposing in the Senate. The Senate’s Build Back Boldly proposal provides a once-in-a-generation chance to make transformational change in California, and it builds nicely on the responsible budgeting and investing that Democratic legislators and governors have done for more than a decade now. From helping businesses and families bounce back from the pandemic, to expanding health care, to opening new paths for early childhood education and debt-free college, to reducing homelessness increasing housing affordability, and boosting homeownership, there is a lot to like in this budget proposal. Some items that were still being negotiated weren’t able to be included in the Build Back Boldly proposal as released, such as the $5 billion in additional tax relief we just passed for businesses to allow them to deduct business expenses they paid with federal PPP funds against their state tax bill. And we are in the process of finalizing an agreement to provide additional resources to
SALES sales@lgbtqsd.news 858.886.9458 STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER Big Mike Phillips Bmsd1957@gmail.com 619.807.7324
deal with drought conditions as we head toward another hot, dry summer. You can find the Senate’s Build Back Boldly proposal at https://bit.ly/3b7bJbE. May is also when we celebrate Asian American Pacific Islander (AAPI) History Month, and how we mark the occasion this year is especially important, as we stand with AAPI communities against the alarming rise in hate crimes against members of those communities. I am pleased that after confirmation by the Senate and Assembly, AAPI History Month will start with our new Attorney General Rob Bonta on the job fighting those attacks and working to build a more just and equitable system for us all.
Besides the budget, there is a lot on the Senate’s to-do list in May. We continue to meet with housing stakeholders to advance the Senate’s housing package—my own SB 9 has been approved by both of the Senate policy committees that heard the bill. I will also continue to work with my colleague from Los Angeles, Senator Steven Bradford, on SB 2, our legislation to increase accountability for law enforcement officers who commit serious misconduct and illegally violate a person’s civil rights. The recent addition of Daunte Wright’s name to the tragic roll call of Black Americans unjustly killed by police is the latest example of why this bill is so badly needed.
As I said in a statement (https://bit.ly/3vNJ433 )the day the guilty verdict was issued in the murder of George Floyd, “We, as a society – not just Black, Brown, Asian, or ethnically-diverse individuals – are beginning to confront the reality that systemic racism is the real root of the problem. We have to continue that change from within, accept the reality of what has been happening, and chart a course for change.” So, yes, a lot to do in May, but that’s okay. I know I can rely on the energy and work ethic I inherited from a very good source—Betty Catherine Davis Atkins, who would have turned 90 on May 2nd. Thank you, Mom--and Happy Mother’s Day to all!
WEB AND SOCIAL MEDIA info@lgbtq.news CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Big Mike Phillips Lee A. Wilczek Mara W. Elliott Michael Guadarrama Michael Kimmel Neal Putnam Patric Stillman Summer Stephan Toni G. Atkins Ziggy Zig
DISTRIBUTION LGBTQ San Diego County News is distributed free every first Friday of the month. © 2021. All rights reserved.
OPINION/LETTERS LGBTQ San Diego County News encourages letters to the editor and guest editorials. Please email them directly to editor@lgbtqsd.news and include your name, phone number and address for verification. We reserve the right to edit letters for brevity and accuracy. Letters and guest editorials do not necessarily reflect the views of the publishers or staff. SUBMISSION/NEWS TIPS Press releases and story ideas are welcomed. Send press releases, tips, photos or story ideas to editor@lgbtqsd.news. For breaking news and Investigative story ideas, contact the editor by phone or email. Copyright © 2021 LGBTQ San Diego County News Editor’s Note: The opinions written in this publication’s editorial and opinion pages are the author’s own and does not necessarily represent the opinions of the staff and/or publisher of LGBTQ San Diego County News. The newspaper and its staff should be held harmless of liability or damages.
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CoMMunity voiCes / news
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Conversations with nicole
nicole Murray ramirez —Nicole Murray Ramirez has been writing a column since 1973. He has been a Latino/gay activist for almost half a century and has advised and served the last seven mayors of San Diego. Named the ‘Honorary Mayor of Hillcrest’ by a city proclamation, he has received many media awards including from the prestigious San Diego Press Club. Reach Nicole at Nicolemrsd1@gmail.com and follow him on Twitter @Nmrsd2.
the harvey MilK
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n Wednesday, April 28, the San Diego Police Department, along with local LGBTQ+ leaders and business owners held a news conference to announce the “Safe Place” program, where victims of the growing anti-LGBTQ+ harassment and hate crimes will be welcomed and safely protected. The increase in LGBTQ+ hate crimes, especially in Hillcrest, has raised serious concerns by leaders in the LGBTQ+ community. In attendance at the news conference were Police Chief David Nisleit, Mayor Todd Gloria, City Council President Dr. Jen Campbell (District 2), City Council President Pro Tem Stephen Whitburn (District 3), local businessman Chris Shaw, LGBTQ+ Liaison Officer Christine Garcia and myself. Here are some of my remarks from the news conference: “Good morning and buenos dias. First off, let us take a moment to remember that yesterday (April 27, 2021) was the second anniversary of the hate attack against the Poway Jewish Synagogue where Lori Gilbert Kate lost her life. Today is an important day for us in the LGBTQ+ Community of San Diego and our relationship with the San Diego Police Department. From the 1970s, when we had a homophobic and racist police chief, we were harassed and beaten, our bars and nightclubs were raided and we were constantly subjected to abuse and treated with hatred. Today, we have a police chief who makes himself available to LGBTQ+ leaders and activists, attends every meeting of his LGBTQ+ Advisory Board (as well as every meeting of his African American and Latino, Asian American Pacific Islander and all of his community advisory boards.) An absolute first in San Diego history. Think about it: Today we have an outstanding police officer Christine Garcia, who is a Transgender woman, and she is here with us announcing a police and LGBTQ+ community program that will help protect her LGBTQ+ community! Let me tell you from a Latino LGBTQ+ activist (for over half a century now), this is indeed progress and positive change in San Diego. “But we, the San Diego LGBTQ+ community, want to make something very clear, we stand with the Asian American Pacific Islander, Jewish, Latino and African American and Native American, Muslim, immigrant communities and this sign also means that any San Diegan facing a hate crime or harassment can come into our LGBTQ+ businesses, bars and restaurants where they will be helped and protected from hate and violence. Because for us in the LGBTQ+ community, a hate crime against one of us is indeed a hate crime against all of us. “I want to acknowledge and thank Susan Jester, co-chair of Sheriff Gore’s LGBTQ Advisory Council; Eddie Rey of the Equality Business Alliance; Big Mike Philips, chair of San Diego GLBT Vote; and other LGBTQ+ leaders and activists who are in attendance this morning for their support of this program and, most importantly, Police Chief David Nisleit, Mayor Todd Gloria, City Council President Dr. Jen Campbell
diverSiTy BreakFaST 2021 By Lee a. Wilczek
Dear center community,
I am delighted to announce that The Center’s annual Harvey Milk Diversity Breakfast is back this May as a free virtual celebration open to all! As you may recall, last year’s event was cancelled due to the COVID-19 pandemic. While we continue to reimagine and reinvent our community events to keep everyone safe, it is so important that we uphold our community traditions, celebrations, and fundraising events that strengthen our vital work. The Harvey Milk Diversity Breakfast began as a vision. City Commissioner Nicole MurrayRamirez, who founded the breakfast with inaugural co-chairs Dr. Delores A. Jacobs and City Commissioner Robert Gleason, wanted to create an inspiring event to honor the memory of Harvey Milk, an influential civil rights activist and a pioneering openly Gay elected official, and to celebrate our San Diego LGBTQ+ community. In addition to celebrating the legacy of Harvey Milk, this yearly fundraising event also provides an opportunity to recognize the amazing contributions of our LGBTQ+ elected and appointed officials, leaders, and allies. Each year, this special community event provides us with a moment to reflect on our progress and recommit to the work that remains to be done. That inspiration is so important in this moment, as we continue the work to move forward together. This year’s event will take place virtually on Friday, May 21, at noon and will be free to view on The Center’s YouTube channel (https://bit.ly/3eo3fyx)! We will be providing fun and exciting Watch Kits to those who sign up with creative ways to watch; please RSVP at https://thecentersd.org/hmdb/ to get the latest event information. The funds we raise at the Harvey Milk Diversity Breakfast will support The Center’s Emergency Fund, which allows us to continue to provide an extraordinary level of emergency services to our community during this pandemic. In the absence of ticket or table sales, there will be unique sponsorship and recognition opportunities for this year’s event that range from $1,500 to $20,000. For more information on sponsorship and recognition opportunities, please contact Ian Johnson at ijohnson@thecentersd.org or 619-692-2077, ext. 247. Over the past years, The Center and our community have created cherished memories from this powerful and moving breakfast. Although we will miss seeing you in person this year, we hope to create virtual memories this year and see all of you next year in person! courtesy images
(District 2), City Council President Pro Tem Stephen Whitburn (District 3) for their continuing leadership and commitment to stopping hate crimes in and against the San Diego community, thank you.”
The Safe Place Program and LGBTQ Safe Place Resources can be reached at 619-531-2000 for non-emergencies. Or online at SanDiego.gov/police/safeplace
Lee A. Wilczek Director of Communications & Marketing The San Diego LGBT Community Center Pronouns: She/Her/Hers e: lwilczek@thecentersd.org c: 619.920.5174 Mail: PO Box 3357, San Diego, CA 92163
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Procure them both daily with kindness and good intention. • Do your respective profession not simply for the money it can, or does, provide you but because it also enriches your life. Trust and believe if it’s doing that for you, it can do that for others.
Photo by Rikke Photography
Big MiKe and Friends
If you were granted one superpower for life, what would you choose and why? To be omnipotent. The definition of omnipotence is to “have unlimited power and be able to do anything.” The first thing I would do is fly…I have no idea where or what after that, but I suppose that’s how Superman started too.
Big Mike phillips —Big Mike Phillips is an activist, fundraiser, bartender and photographer who has lived in San Diego for 30 years. He has helped create two nonprofits and raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for charity. He has been a photographer for more than 25 years and has recorded our LGBTQ history not only in San Diego but around the country, including three LGBTQ marches on Washington D.C. Contact Big Mike at 619-807-7324, or bmsd1957@gmail.com.
Kristopher reynolds
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am excited to introduce you to people who live, work, play and do business in our community and city. Learning about people of every lifestyle, talents, and personalities that I think would be interesting for our readers to enjoy. San Diego has a wonderful diversity of individuals that make our slice of paradise the greatest place to live and enjoy each other’s uniqueness.
Kristopher Reynolds (courtesy images)
How did you end up in san Diego and what do you love about it? I just so happen to be one of those “allegedly” rare natives, that left for a spell and came back. I was born in Coronado in 1979, and my family has been around here since the 1950s. There’s a lot to love in this city, but I love Coronado Beach the most. It’s my go-to happy place where I can reset and relax. It is truly my home. What gets you excited about life? So many things! Quality time with family and friends, good food and travel, learning and teaching, to name a few. Really, this whole crazy journey excites me, and the unplanned moments that happen when you just let them. As a business owner, what makes your businesses stand out? My work and experience mean little without the community, clients and followers that support me in my respective professions. So, what makes me stand out is the “word of mouth” from a good reputation and the sound work ethic I have. That has been instrumental in the success I’ve been humbled to experience, both as a photographer in just about every genre for the past 20 years, to a personal trainer the last five years alongside it. Distinctly different professions that I work really hard to balance, they each require my “eye,” experience and knowledge, but they also require that the client prepare, and put in the effort in order to see results. I suppose I could say the cliche I make my businesses stand out too, but I know I wouldn’t be where I am without the people who put trust in me, to help them look and feel better about themselves. What small act of kindness were you once shown that you’ll never forget? The impromptu FaceTime call I got from one of my best friends a few months ago. We’ve known each other over 30 years now. He called just to tell me how much our friendship meant to him, and it stopped me in my tracks in the most heartwarming way. When you start to recount all you’ve been through in those years, it really adds up. Teen years, becoming adults, trying to act like adults, relationships, life experiences, growing older and realizing how valuable “time” really is. I guess that’s just it, we don’t stop and think about it very often, because we’re too busy doing it. It isn’t until we get older and slow down a bit, do we then realize these things.
By the time Nick was finished with his beautiful words, I had some happy tears and the true meaning of a best friend was clearer than ever. I am incredibly grateful for his friendship and kindness, through thick and thin. (Cue “Golden Girls” theme song) If the universe could grant you one wish, what would you wish for? Just one? Mandatory yoga and anger management classes for all human beings. So basically, world peace! :) If you wrote a book about your life, what would you title it and why? “An Attitude of Gratitude: A photographic sojourn of the life and times of Kristofer Reynolds.” My journey so far, has been a series of incredible experiences and people. Many of which I’ve captured in photographs. I am grateful for every one of them. Good, or not so good at the time, those experiences and people have shaped me into the man I am, and will continue to until the day I move on from here. In my humble 41 years of living, I feel that an attitude of gratitude is necessary to live a full and happy life. No matter who you are. How one chooses to be in the world, dictates what one receives in the world.
If you had a chance to spend $1 million on yourself, how would you spend it? If I must spend it on myself, I’d spend it on a home in Coronado, or at least a down payment. It’s really about having a place for my mom though. I know she wants nothing more than to be back on the island, and it would make me happy to see her happy, back there with her friends and where her heart is. If you could give someone advice about your art, hobby, or business, what would you tell them? A few things come to mind that I have learned in creating art, and conducting business: • Never stop learning and trying new things. Success isn’t built on a model of perfection; it’s built on the flaws we encounter and how we handle them along the way. • Whether you are a beginner, or a seasoned vet in your respective field, do not undervalue what you offer. In fact, do the opposite, and find a ridiculou$ly happy medium in valuing yourself. This will help ensure you meet the inevitable “Henry hagglers” halfway, and weed out the lookie loo’s from the lookie do’s! • Practice confidence and humility in everything you do. They can actually go hand in hand when fully understood.
If you had the opportunity to join someone you love, admire, or wanted to meet over a cup of coffee, who would it be, and what one question would you ask them? I’d like to join who or whatever is the creator of all of this! I imagine it would have to be over coffee, because you know, they need a lot of energy to handle the universe and stuff. And although I was always told to not ask questions you don’t really want answers to, I want to know why? What is this all about? Assuming the answer is something pleasant, or perhaps none at all (‘cause that would be so apropos) I would still like to say “Thank you” for my existence. Have you ever made a decision that changed your life, and if so, what was it? Yes, I have. It’s amazing when you sit back and think about how many decisions you make in your life, that change its entire path. The first one that comes to mind was March 6, 1999. I was living in Boise, Idaho with my dad, about to start college at Boise State University. I’ve learned my gut instincts have never been wrong about situations or people in my life, and I knew that wasn’t the place for me to be coming out and into my own. Nor was San Diego, yet. So, at 19 years old I sold my car, and the few possessions I had, and I moved with some friends to Orlando, Florida. Mind you, I’d never been further than Chicago, so it was quite the adventure. I will never forget the feeling as I heard the sound of the airplane taking off out of Boise, watching through the window as we ascended into the sky, and I left my childhood behind me and hurled myself into adulting…ish. I didn’t know what was going to happen, but I knew it would be OK. Everything always works out. Twenty years later, two degrees, a couple of professions and a lot of love under the bridge, I’m still here, and I probably wouldn’t be writing this to you today if I hadn’t made that decision. Kristofer Reynolds Photography - KristoferReynolds.com Fitness - KRFitLife.com FB - @KRPhotographyINC or @KRFitLife IG @KristoferReynoldsPhotography or @KRFitLifeSD 619-892-8848
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liFe Beyond therapy Michael Kimmel —Michael Kimmel is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in helping LGBT clients achieve their goals and deal with anxiety, depression, grief, sexually addictive behavior, coming out, relationship challenges and homophobia. Contact him at 619-955-3311 or visit lifebeyondtherapy.com.
BalanCing sexual expression with eMotional ConneCtion (ParT 2 oF 2)
ThE ThrEE MuSkETEErS: your hearT, Mind, and geniTalS image by shutterstock.com
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ver since my book on open relationships came out in 2017, I’ve had a steady stream of Queer and heterosexual couples asking me for advice on how to make an open/non-monogamous relationship work. In every open relationship — legally married or not — we determine how to balance the love and sexual energy we give to our beloved with how much emotion we allow ourselves to feel for our sexual partners. For my clients Tomas and Lisa, their love for each other was very strong, but the amount of emotional energy they were willing to invest in their sex partners was quite different. Tomas: “I only have so much time, energy and love to give. I choose to give it to Lisa; she’s my first priority. This isn’t a problem because I enjoy my time with my male sex partners — I call them my ‘Grindr Guys’ — but I don’t love them. I like them, I enjoy their company. I only feel love for people I’m really close to, like Lisa and a few of my relatives and close friends.” Lisa: “I feel like I have lots of love to give to everyone. With the people I have sex with, I have plenty of love to give them, too. It’s not the same kind of love that I give Tomas, but it’s still love! I love each of these people in my own way and they love me too.” Tomas and Lisa have each found their own balance of emotional connection (love) and physical expression (sex). Susan and Eva, a happily-married Lesbian couple, explain how they’ve found their own balance: Susan: “I need to have an emotional connection with women I have sex with. I can’t just do it with someone I barely know. For me to be aroused, I need to know the woman, like her and be attracted to her.”
Eva: “I don’t want to have an emotional connection with the women I have sex with. It would make my life too complicated. I already have strong emotional bonds with Susan, my parents, my siblings, my nieces and nephews, and my good friends. For me, having sex with another woman is fun, playful — an adventure. I don’t want it all clogged up with emotions.” Susan and Eva are very clear on what works for them. Susan wants her mind, heart, and genitals all “activated” and working together with the people she has sex with, while Eva wants to keep them totally separate. Do you remember “The Three Musketeers”? To me, the heart, mind, and genitals are the “three musketeers” of a successful relationship. Your heart is all about your feelings for someone, your mind is what you think about them and your genitals symbolize your sexual attraction to them. When you have all three engaged in a relationship with someone, your relationship has the maximum potential for a deep connection and awesome sex! While most of us want the three musketeers in our relationship with our partners, we may not want all three musketeers “involved” with every person we have sex with. Your heart is all about emotions and feelings. We get to decide how much we want to open our heart to people we have sex with. In an open relationship, if it’s hard for you to separate love from sex, it‘s important to decide how much “love” you allow yourself to feel for your sex partners. Your head is the rational, linear, logical part of your brain. This is where most of us live the vast majority of the time — thinking, judging and analyzing.
As for our libido: watching porn, you’d think that orgasms are all that count in sex. Few porn videos show more than genitals in charge; where is the intelligence, the emotion? Heart and mind have been left behind: libido rules! Sure, there’s kissing in some of them, but do they ever have intelligent conversations? Heart-to-heart talks? Any real emotional connection?
Really good sex — and any successful ongoing relationship — requires the simultaneous involvement of your thoughts, emotions, and libido. Why not let your genitals become good friends with your thoughts and feelings? They really are like the three musketeers: “All for one and one for all.”
13 th annual
The Center’s annual Harvey Milk Diversity Breakfast is back this May as a free virtual celebration open to all!
! l a u t ir V
friday, may 21, 2021 12 Noon Watch on The Center’s YouTube Channel! Watch Kits: The Center will be providing fun and exciting Watch Kits to those who RSVP with creative ways to watch.
for more information and to rSvP, visit: thecentersd.org/hmdb
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pozitively MiChael Michael guadarrama — I am a 30-year-old Latino male, living with HIV (undetectable) and living my best life. I wanted to write and help others living with HIV realize that they can also achieve living a healthy life, being in love, and being successful.
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ello! It’s been a while since I shared some POZitivity with you. I hope all of you are doing well and safely keeping busy. It is wild to think that March was the one-year mark of when the pandemic changed most of our lives. I would have never thought that one day we would be in such an awful situation. So many lives were taken and so many fought and continue to recover from COVID-19. I was particularly worried since they warned those living with a compromised immune system that it could be a very dangerous thing. I am thankful that I was able to stay healthy until I was vaccinated in February. I hope that all of you continue to stay healthy as the CDC changes the guidelines as our lives begin to “normalize.” I know that last time I had promised to go over some of the wonderful resources we have in the community to support those with HIV. Most of us know or have heard about the LGBT Center in Hillcrest. If you have not, you will learn about some of the amazing services they offer. They provide HIV rapid testing; they have a few support groups; living with HIV and HIVpositive seniors discussion group. I know they can also get you into contact with a local organization or medical group to better assist you in possibly finding mental health care. The San Diego County Clinic (Rosecrans) also offers case management, mental health counseling, including psychiatric services, and referrals to health and support services. The clinic can also assist in signing you up for the other programs like Ryan White HIV/AIDS Program. For individuals that qualify, they will receive free, quality medical care from HIV spe-
CoMMunity voiCes / Court news cialists. Family Health Centers of San Diego also provide risk counseling services, case management, HIV care, individual and family/group education amongst many other services. It is truly amazing that we have some awesome health services in San Diego. You aren’t alone and should never feel that way. Programs exist to help those in need and we are fortunate enough to be able to receive these and have them so easily accessible. Another person I would like to add is myself. If you ever have any questions about my journey or advice as a fellow community member, please write in and ask away. I am by no means a medical professional but I may have gone through something similar and sometimes it’s easier to connect and talk with a peer rather than a doctor or medical service provider. I just want you to know that you are never alone and no matter how alone you might feel, I know that there are those out here that care about you and want you to live a long and healthy life. I know that in a previous entry, we had talked about my first medicine and learning to take that on a daily basis. Many years later and I am still on one pill, once a day, around the same time daily. I was recently moved over to Biktarvy and I have to say that I believe that my body is responding very nicely to it. I haven’t had any weird dreams or fatigue like Atripla. I am so thankful that our medication has evolved so much. I know that one pill contains a few different medications combined in it but I’d rather have one pill to take than a cocktail. I hope that one day soon they are able to find a cure for it and provide the newer generations a new medicine that maybe mine won’t see. With medicine evolving constantly, I feel like it will only be a matter
of time and funding before a cure is found. If you become HIV-positive, your goal would be to become “HIV POZ undetectable.” This means that your viral load is where antiretroviral treatment (ART) has lowered your HIV to very small quantities that it can no longer be detected by a standard blood test. When you become HIV POZ undetectable, that truly means that you can no longer pass HIV through having sex. It doesn’t mean that your HIV is cured and that you no longer have it, just means that you are properly treating it and the levels are very low. I have been undetectable for many years and grateful to be able to have such low levels of copies in my body. That is truly all because of the medicines we have today. I wish that many of those who died in the early years of AIDS had similar treatment and they did not have to suffer as much as they did. But I am also very thankful that through their trial and errors, medicine was able to evolve to what it is today. I close this short informational entry with this:
“HIv Does noT MAke PeoPLe DAnGerous To knoW, so you cAn sHAke THeIr HAnDs AnD GIve THeM A HuG: HeAven knoWs THey neeD IT.” – Princess Diana
Until we meet again, remember you are loved! Michael
leT’S Talk
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image by shutterstock.com
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image by shutterstock.com
grindr date MuST Pay! By Neal putnam
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judge ordered a man to pay $5,420 to a man whom he met on Grindr for stealing his Jeep, using his credit cards, and taking stuff from the car before it was recovered. Additionally, Christopher Frank DiSalvo Jr., 31, was sentenced to seven years in state prison for the unrelated carjacking of a 77-year-old woman in Santee. DiSalvo pleaded guilty to carjacking an elder and three auto theft charges were dismissed with the understanding he would have to pay for the losses of those victims. A man reported to San Diego Police that a man he met on Grindr and who spent the night with him had vanished with his Jeep, military ID, credit cards, and other items on April 14, 2020. Police used the photos of DiSalvo on Grindr which also showed his tattoos as a good description of the thief, who used the name Austin on Grindr. A Carlsbad police officer recovered the stolen Jeep, according to testimony in the preliminary hearing. El Cajon Superior Court Judge Daniel Lamborn ordered the restitution plus $1,843 to another man who also lost a Jeep to DiSalvo at a motel.“It became a bad habit of stealing cars,” said DiSalvo in an interview with the probation department which prepared a sentencing report. “It wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t screwing up on drugs,” said DiSalvo in the report. “I have a major drug problem.” “I am appalled it came to this. I have been struggling with addiction since I was 11 years old and it came to a head,” said DiSalvo. “There is no violence in my past. I have never been violent,” said DiSalvo. “I am very sorry.” DiSalvo said he felt “really disgusted” at himself for carjacking the elderly woman. He said he recalled taking a tranquilizer while waiting for an Uber and did not remember grabbing the woman out of her car and driving off with her purse. DiSalvo crashed the woman’s car into a tree in La Mesa in the 4600 block of Palm Drive. He fled into an apartment complex, where he was arrested June 19. Because he told sheriff’s deputies, he had taken drugs, deputies administered a dose of Naloxone, a lifesaving nasal spray that can reverse the effects of an opioid overdose. He was sent to a hospital before going to jail. Lamborn also gave a 3-year concurrent sentence for DiSalvo’s guilty to felony assault of a 55-year-old inmate in jail in which another inmate played a greater role. He was given credit for serving 263 days in jail.
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gettin’ ziggy with it ziggy zig — Prince Ziggy Zig is an activist, choreographer, dancer, performer, cocktail mixologist, and novice photographer. He is known as an asset to our community and we look forward to reading more of his work.
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aking the time to love yourself has never been more important, especially during these times. It is an everyday battle, but a rewarding journey and even though I just started this adventure, I truly feel like it is going to be such a beneficial long-term experience for myself and the people around me. This self-love journey has translated through the different outlets that I have in my own life and has given me the confidence to know that when an obstacle comes my way, I will be able to adapt and make it through no matter how uncomfortable the circumstance may be. Like other people in the community, I have suffered from anxiety and depression most of my life and have had trouble coping with it by myself especially after the pandemic. One thing that really started helping me move past anxiety and depression was taking a long reflective look at my situation and coming up with solutions for things that I could change, such as my daily schedule and morning routine. I also try to focus on the things that bring me joy and challenge me at the same time. An example of that is going to the gym almost every morning. I have noticed that on the days I do not go to the gym, I have a little bit less energy while starting my day and I am less enthusiastic about getting tasks done. I also noticed that just working on my physical appearance is not going to elevate me to the level that I want to be at if I do not work on my mental health as well. So now every morning I take the time to do a daily ritual of reading a positive affirmation and writing in my journal on the things I could work on and what I love in life at the moment. This helps me
tremendously because I have shown myself that I am important to myself and taking the time to let me know that I love myself and care about my well-being. I am letting myself know that I matter to myself and not just going through the motions in life. I want to be present in not only where I am, but who I am as a person. Another thing that I have been taking the time to learn is to stop guessing how people feel and think about me and focus on myself. To know that if there is a problem that needs to be addressed, that it will be brought to my attention and if it is not, then it is something that I do not need to worry about until it is. How a person may feel about me or think of me is none of my business and that was something that I needed to put into practice. This has relieved myself of so much anxiety about people and being in social settings because I am now free to be who I want to be without the worry of what others are going to think of me. While taking the time to love myself and really reflect on the things that I love to do, I have discovered that I have so many creative outlets within me that I never let myself explore because of the fear of being judged not only by others, but by myself. I have discovered that I love photography and taking pictures of people and editing photos. I love doing interior design and decorating. I also love writing and expressing myself in a way that is profound and therapeutic at the same time. In other words, I was holding myself back from truly being free and expressing myself in different avenues and different styles. This journey of loving myself is an everyday journey and I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to finally move forward in a way that is beneficial for myself and that can ultimately rub off on others who are around me and supporting me. Self-love takes discipline. Because when you love yourself, you must show up for yourself and you have to let yourself know that you’ve got your own back. But when you do start showing up for yourself and you do start showing yourself how much you love yourself, everything changes. There are still attributes of myself that I want to elevate and start putting into practice but I know that it will take time and patience. I do not need to take on my whole 32 years of life in one session and try to fix everything all at once. Anyone who tried to do that would be discouraged a little bit. Creating achievable goals in a realistic time frame is the best way to take control of your destiny, situation, and life without becoming stagnant and overwhelmed. The last thing that I have learned, which would seem so simple to cultivate in your life, is gratitude. Trust me, especially after the past year and everything that has happened, I know it can be hard to look in the mirror and list off all of the things that you are grateful and thankful for but when you really reflect and start being thankful for even the smallest things like having toothpaste to brush your teeth or a blanket to keep you warm at night, your perspective of life, as a whole, really begins to manifest and change positively.
on The road To
selF-love
image by shutterstock.com
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arTiST ProFile:
alexis arChiBald By patric Stillman
Taking a look at the world from a different point of view provides the basis for this welding artist’s creativity. Conversations provide the path for creation. Personal connections inspire function and beauty. Random scraps transform into art.
Alexis Archibald (courtesy image)
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lexis Archibald was born in Salt Lake City, Utah, in 1989 with her twin brother. Together, along with an older sister, they were raised in nearby Layton, where Archibald discovered a passion for welding during her teen years. At 15, she began to learn the tools of fusing and soldering. She was the first student to enroll in three years of welding and auto tech, which was recognized as an even greater accomplishment for a woman in a typically male-dominated course. She has fond memories of igniting her creativity by being regularly challenged to create “creature” sculptures from recycled pieces of scrap metal. Around the same time, she came out to her mother as an April Fool’s Day joke during ninth grade to soften the experience. Being caught off guard, her mother reacted poorly to the “joke” but it opened up the discussion. In the process, Archibald discovered that her father was also Gay. Though divorced from her mother, Archibald’s father was very engaged with the upbringing of his children. He often surrounded his children with the arts, especially modern dance and ballet. Her twin brother, who would also come out as Gay, found an interest in performance art while Archibald continued her interest in the art of welding. Using her craftsmanship skills, Archibald first job was with a storm and drainage piping company. Her boss encouraged her creativity and allowed her to use the scrap metal from jobs for creative projects. This is when her artistry began to blossom and she started a thoughtful journey with her art. She moved to San Diego, after she was fired from her second welding job because they learned she was Gay. Archibald looks upon this as a blessing in disguise because it jumpstarted her own personal growth. “It’s hard to be a woman in a man’s world, in a trade like that,” said Archibald. “When I was feeling like an outcast or in a situation that was
discriminatory, I began to understand that it wasn’t me that they feared. They were simply sacred by something that didn’t know about. I tried to use their fear as a tool of empowerment to make wherever I was a better, safe place. It’s important for me to let others know who I am and keep it moving along from there.” Before the pandemic, a friend encouraged her to get a booth at URBN Pizza in North Park during their monthly art trunk shows produced by Thumbprint Gallery. Currently, she has been getting into the combination of metal and nature as they intertwine. “During COVID, I created a series of metal flowers in pots. I like the idea of rusting metal and thriving plants changing together through time.” Most of the work that Archibald creates derive from collaborative commissions. As a social person, she enjoys getting to know her patrons and survey the environment where the work will exist. Part of her process is to incorporate a patron’s personality into the work, for example, by using hard lines, if they are naturally straight forward or include curves to create movement, if they are soft spoken. Functionality is natural part of her creative works. Archibald finds that her patrons are seeking the combination of form and beauty to help transform their homes. She takes great satisfaction in two pieces, a mailbox and a lamp. The mailbox was an inspired gift that took root from a lighthearted conversation with friends who encouraged her to create a personal gift for their new home. She ran with the idea, incorporating routers and camshafts donated by another friend, to create a functional work of art. As a collaborative work amongst friends, Archibald believes it is a unique, sentimental piece that will be cherished for a long time to come. When she purchased her motorcycle, she received a generic exhaust that originally came with the bike. Teaching herself a little electrical work, she incorporated the exhaust to create a standing lamp that was both functional and beautiful. “I used a torch to add coloring to the piece. When you add heat to certain metals, they turn blue or purple. I was able to fire the exhaust to create a delicacy to the hard form. Once I added a few bulbs with exposed filaments, it became a thing of true beauty.” In the future, she hopes to build her own workshop to create larger works. She recently missed out on the challenge of creating a metallic fountain but the planning that she put into the project has inspired her to think about scaling up her work. “It gives me so much happiness and joy to create custom works for my patrons. The infusion of their happiness and my welding visual art inspires me
Mailbox
Flower
Hummingbird
Lamp
Plant Stand
to keep growing. It’s a nice, warm feeling to be in the community. Let’s all keep loving and supporting each other.”
Artist Alexis Archibald can be found on social media: @lezweld on Instagram. Patric Stillman is a fine artist and gallery owner of The Studio Door. If you are an artist in San Diego’s LGBTQ+ community and would like to be featured in an artist profile, please contact Patric for consideration at patric@thestudiodoor.com.
Alexis Archibald (courtesy image)
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San diego inTernaTional FilM FeSTival
lgBtQia+ shorts-Fest FilM prograMs This special collection of shorts invite you in for a look at the lives and experiences of the LGBTQIA+ community.
For show times and schedule, please visit: sdfilmfest.com/shortsfest programs/lgbtgiashorts/ Cherry Bomb USA / 9 min Synopsis: This queer coming of age short film depicts the feeling of having to prove your own sexuality after coming out in high school. When seventeen-year-old Georgie ditches her younger sister Violet in an attempt to save her relationship, we find that Violet isn’t going to give up on a fun night with Georgie that easily. Deviant USA / 10 min Synopsis: In the early sixties, a sexually conflicted teenager finds faith and acceptance after escaping the tortures of electrotherapeutic conversion therapy. Do You Have A...? USA / 14 min Synopsis: When timid people-pleaser Amy unexpectedly gets her period at her new job, she must learn to let go of her past and stand up for herself in order to obtain a tampon before her life (and her pants) are ruined. Edén Spain / 22 mins Synopsis: Two friends meet again on a stormy night, but the presence of a third will make one of them face his desires. Elle USA / 21 min Synopsis: Set during the late 90s in Southern California, 16-year-old introverted Elle struggles to express her feelings towards her best friend who is about to move away.
Man Up In Lockdown United Kingdom / 20 min Synopsis: In March 2020, Janina Smith, within the earliest-and-hardest-hit arts industry in the pandemic, lost their performance job in London before lockdown. Surprisingly, they not only start from scratch, exploring digital space to perform as a drag king playing with toxic masculinity, but also discover their true identity, non-binary gender expression, and queerness through the drag community. Not until experiencing the loss of audience and return to theatre after lockdown, they just realize performing on stage is the career they desire and vital to their existence. However, on 31st October, the government suddenly announce the second lockdown a few minutes before they are to begin a Halloween gig, which means having their dream being taken away again. Imelda & Luis Mexico / 17 min Synopsis: Young twins, Imelda and Luis, live a neglected life with their drug dealing mom and jerk-off drug addict older brother. They only have each other to fulfill their dreams, she wants to be a nun and he wants to be a girl, neither of which seems possible.
In France, Michelle is a Man’s Name USA / 12 min Synopsis: Michael, a young trans man, returns home to the rural American West after years of estrangement from his parents. After an uneasy dinner, Michael joins his dad for a drive, but their early bonding soon gives way to a chasm of misunderstanding. In France Michelle is a Man’s Name explores trans identity, masculinity, and the prices we’re willing to pay for acceptance. Plaisir USA & France / 19 min Synopsis: A lonely American faces unrequited love on a farm commune in the south of France. The Forgotten Place USA / 12 min Synopsis: Eric has never had a best friend, aside from Bruce, who’s only his best… fish. Making friends is hard enough, but how do you find a best friend? The Yellow Dress UK, USA, & France / 19 min Synopsis: Set against the backdrop of the lavender fields of Provence, a determined young boy cuts and pockets yellow fabrics in hopes of constructing a dress for his mother; a gesture he believes will bring about the healing his family so desperately needs. To You My Love USA / 5 min Synopsis: To You My Love investigates the visual poetry of a love letter.
WhaT’S a hoaGiE GoT To Do WiTh iT? aCroSS 1 Packs down 6 what computers spit out 10 “hold your horses!” 14 exams on sexual technique? 15 Porter’s “___ love again” 16 Melville tale 17 with 27-across, song about a hoagie? 19 eat it 20 gomer’s word before “a one” 21 Tear apart 22 “The right Stuff” author 23 rub vulvas together 25 reproduced nonheterosexually 26 Warts prefix for Harry Potter? 27 See 17-across 30 “My own Private ___ “ 32 indian tongue 33 Brazilian soccer great 34 Singer Bonnie 36 alfred douglas’ title 40 Blowing away 42 Poet vivien 43 Place to sing the song in this puzzle 48 georgia o’keeffe’s pair 49 Time of need 50 Steals cows 52 instrument with a g-string 53 rimbaud’s zip 55 wilde country 56 off your rocker 57 Singer of the song in this puzzle 59 Julia roberts’ Brockovich 60 hudson of “giant” 61 hail a Mary, e.g 62 auld lang ___ 63 Some vowels of Sappho 64 Buffalo bunches
Solutions on page 15 QSyndicate.com
DoWN 1 county subdivision 2 in P’town it’s 508 or 774 3 Song by Baroque obama? 4 cunning tactics 5 digits for “render unto caesar” 6 Big bucks, e.g. 7 Sitcom with Sherman hemsley 8 was active in B&d 9 “ ___ the Band Played on” 10 liker of guys who like guys 11 Tennis star Mauresmo 12 Slip-on shoe 13 klinger’s hometown 18 Disney techno flick 22 Brief remark 24 Saint, in rio 25 relief of lincoln 28 chicken order 29 Single, to glenn Burke 31 Mick Jagger? 34 Famous Queens Park 35 Mandela org. 37 Margaret cho joke, at times 38 Officiated at a chicago Sky game 39 creampies, e.g. 41 v-J day ended it 42 Monopoly foursome (abbr.) 43 elton’s major and minor series 44 Military storage place 45 vitamin B acid 46 Some are lucky 47 em, to dorothy 51 rimbaud’s turf 53 historic Stonewall event 54 Peruvian of old 57 Threesome for Michelangelo 58 “i’m not eating that!”
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dr. Colvard, dr. sandy Colvard’ a new kind oF healTh care By Cesar a reyes
Dr. Sandy Colvard (courtesy images)
T
he medical system can feel like a maze that you blindly wander through hoping that you are making the correct decisions regarding your health or the health of a loved one. Treatment can sometimes feel robotic, and dealing with a doctor can sometimes feel like you are just a number and not a human being. We wanted to introduce you to something different, Naturopathic Doctor Sandy Colvard, who has just moved into town and is eager to work with new patients and serve her LGBTQ+ community. We had a chance to chat with her and get to know more about what she offers in care. We hope you get to know her better as well. Would you please tell our readers a little bit of where you are from? Hello! I have recently moved my practice to San Diego from the East Coast, having seen patients from Vermont to Georgia! I spent a majority of my early life in the Washington, D.C. area, and that was where I first really felt a part of the Gay community. This was back during the ’70s and ’80s, when having community was so very important. I actually had a band that played all the major Pride events in D.C. and I was very involved in the Lesbian & Gay Chorus of Washington. Though my naturopathic medical career has taken me down many other roads, I feel like my roots always bring to seek out the LGBTQ+ communities first — everywhere I go. And though my partner and I have lived and worked in many different areas of the country since that time, I was actually back in the D.C. area when I received the call with the opportunity to come to San Diego. I love it here and hope to stay for a long time! What field of medicine do you specialize in? I’m a naturopathic doctor. The easiest way I can explain what that means is that “I’m a doctor that looks for a
natural way to promote the self-healing process, whenever possible.” I trained at an accredited naturopathic medical school, studying both Western and Eastern medicine — so while I look to natural and alternative therapies first, I am also trained in pharmacology and traditional approaches as well. I consider myself a general practitioner, trained in primary care with an additional board certification in oncology, but I do have specialties I’m particularly passionate about besides cancer; like anxiety, depression, hormone imbalances, and LGBTQ+ medicine. What exactly is naturopathic medicine? Naturopathic medicine is a distinct system of primary health care that emphasizes prevention and the selfhealing process through the use of natural therapies. While the roots of modern naturopathic medicine date back to the 1800s, we have seen a rapid increase in public interest in recent years due to the growing movement to solve the health care puzzle — using prevention, wellness, and respect for nature’s inherent healing ability. Naturopathic doctors (NDs) are trained as primary care providers who diagnose, treat, and manage patients with acute and chronic conditions, while addressing disease and dysfunction at the level of body, mind, and spirit. NDs believe in the wisdom of our bodies to heal — given the proper ingredients and environment. Basically, what that means is that when I see a patient, I’m not only going to ask about any physical symptoms that they are experiencing and go through an extensive history; but I’m also going to check in about their emotional and/or spiritual health as well. And, just for clarity, when I say “spiritual” I’m not talking necessarily about religion — but how someone feels connected — or disconnected — with the world around them. Still today,
there are a lot of challenges in our community that can be a source of mental, emotional and spiritual stress- from political tensions to access to affirming health care (particularly for the Trans and gender Queer communities), so it’s important to look at each patient as a whole person, and not just a list of symptoms. Please tell us about your oncology practice and what services you offer to patients. I see oncology patients at every stage of their cancer journey — as well as offering support to their caregivers. I see patients who have been recently diagnosed and are in the process of deciding on their treatment plan. For these patients, I can help with explanations of treatment options, discuss naturopathic treatments that are safe and helpful along with their conventional treatment, and offer support for the anxiety and worries that come along with a cancer diagnosis. I see patients who are already undergoing conventional treatments — chemotherapy, radiation, surgery — and can offer naturopathic options to help mitigate side effects that will not interfere with their current treatments, help reduce anxiety/worries, and offer supplements or other treatments to assist them in their cancer fight. I see patients who have completed all their treatments and offer options on natural treatments to assist the body’s innate ability and immune system in staying cancer free. I also see the caregivers and family members of cancer patients — they have their own worries and concerns and fatigue that should be addressed as well. What kinds of treatments do you offer? I will treat everything that is under my scope of practice in the state of California! To be clear, California does not
allow me to be a primary care physician (PCP) under our current scope of practice. However, with my experience of being a PCP in other states, I can see patients with all kinds of concerns — high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, arthritis/muscle pain, insomnia, autoimmune issues, GI issues, etc. One of my other specialties is anxiety, depression, and grief. We are certainly seeing an increase in anxiety and depression both within our communities and in the nation as a whole, so this is an area in which I really love to help people. What would you like readers to know about naturopathic care? I think everyone should visit a naturopathic doctor at least once, even if you have had negative experience with medicine in the past. It doesn’t even have to be me — NDs are trained to actually listen to you, respect you, and spend longer than 10-20 minutes with you. I know that feeling safe with doctors can be challenging for people in our community — that’s why I am busy teaching LGBTQ Cultural Competency courses and workshops across the country — teaching practitioners how to better care for us. Naturopathic doctors are leading the charge in this work. Are you accepting new patients, do you accept insurance/Medicare/ Medicaid, and how can readers find out more about your practice? Yes! I am accepting new patients and you can find out more by heading to the website for Nourish Medical Center: www.nourishmedicalcenter.com or by calling our fabulous and helpful reception team at 619-345-3111. Naturopathic doctors in California are not credentialed with insurance, but we can provide a super bill for you to submit on your own. If you want to reach me, you can also send an email to appts@ drsandycolvard.com and follow me on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.
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sweet raBBit iCe CreaM a deliciouS addiTion To The neighBorhood By Cesar a reyes
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he days are getting hotter and with COVID-related restrictions gradually being lifted, Hillcrest is buzzing with people coming out from pandemic hibernation. As we’re once again walking the streets and enjoying a safe social life, nothing sounds better than a cool, refreshing treat and that can be found at Sweet Rabbit. The father-and-sons-owned shop opened its doors back in March and with generations of ice cream-making history in Mexico, Ramon, Ramiro and Antonio Chavez are hoping to bring a refreshing and unique treat to Hillcrest for our enjoyment any day of the week. They offer delicious traditional flavors like chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry in both ice cream by the scoop and in an ice pop, made with fresh ingredients right there at the shop. Non-dairy treats are also on hand with traditional Mexican flavors like guanabana (soursop), mango, guava, tamarindo and lime with cucumber. They’ve also got some very fun specialties like cajeta (burnt sugar caramel), Nutella and banana, coconut, chocolate and marzipan. Who doesn’t love marzipan? Just saying “marzipan” makes me happy...MARZIPAN! And that’s just the start, besides their selection of milkshakes, smoothies and refreshing fruit waters, they also have you covered if you need something more substantial in the form of a sandwich or torta, made to order. Trust me, it’s going to be hard to leave the shop without wanting to take one of each item. I forgot to mention the chamango (a mango smoothie with a sweet and sour chamoy sauce that has a kick — I suddenly wanted to add some tequila and lay by the pool). Another adult beverage idea is take a large order of tamarindo or mango sorbet home to blend up some exotic margaritas. With a cheerful rabbit mural and a friendly staff, the Sweet Rabbit is definitely a must-stop when you’re out and about on University Avenue. It reminds me of my childhood and who doesn’t like to feel like a kid again with a big smile after selecting your favorite flavor or being adventurous and trying something new and wild?
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