Seacoast Scene 12-6-18 by Seacoast Scene

DECEMBER 6 - 19, 2018

Oh s a m t s i r Ch s e e r t FRE E

MAP P. 12

How to find the right one for your holidays

A WORD FROM LARRY

Master McGrath’s

Winter is around the corner

Rte. 107 Seabrook NH

Dining & Pub

*KENO*

It’s hard to believe Christmas and New Years is approaching fast! That means winter is right around the corner — although as I write this, the temperature outside is in the 40s. This Larry Marsolais is New England so you never know when the weather will change, but the first official day of winter is Dec. 21! As I travel through Hampton and the surrounding towns, it seems to me that there are a lot of people in the Christmas spirit. You can tell by the decorations on houses and in yards. I have that spirit also and may have overdone it a little, but to me it’s about celebration, and we share

our decorations with everyone who stops by to look. Take the time one night to take your family out and go through the neighborhoods and enjoy this Christmas spirit. Trust me, there is a lot of work that goes into decorating and if they are like me, we do it for all to see. Finally, this time of the year all of the major food supermarkets are collecting food. Donating even one item makes a big difference if everyone who is able to does so. Feel free to call me anytime at 603-9355096 to discuss local issues or to place an ad.

Larry Marsolais is the general manager of the Seacoast Scene and the former president of the Hampton Rotary Club.

Sandwiches • Burgers • Pizza Steaks • Seafood • BBQ Thursday Night Karaoke!

DECEMBER 6 - 19, 2018 VOL 43 NO 36

Breakfast Served

Advertising Staff

Sat & Sun 8am-2pm Friday Night Special Fried Clam Plate Saturday Night Prime Rib Special

Larry Marsolais Seacoast Scene General Manager 603-935-5096 larry@seacoastscene.net

Editorial Staff Editor Meghan Siegler editor@seacoastscene.net

King Cut (16oz) • Queen Cut (10oz)

Editorial Design Laura Young and Tristan Collins

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Takeout Available | Visit our website for entertainment

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Tristan Collins, Laura Young Amanda Biundo

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Picking a tree at Indian Hill Farm in South Hampton. Courtesy photo.

COVER STORY 6 Oh Christmas trees

MAPPED OUT 12 Beaches, restrooms, where to walk your dog and more

PEOPLE & PLACES 13 The coolest Seacoast dwellers and scenes

FOOD 18 Eateries and foodie events

POP CULTURE 22 Books, art, theater and classical

NITE LIFE 24 Music, comedy and more

BEACH BUM FUN 26 Puzzles, horoscopes and crazy news Your weekly guide to the coast. Published every Thursday (1st copy free; 2nd $1). Seacoast Scene PO Box 961 Hampton NH 03843 603-935-5096 | www.seacoastscene.net

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EVENTS TO CHECK OUT DECEMBER 6 - 19, 2018, AND BEYOND Book talk

“This is a nonfiction book that reads like a spy novel,” said Barbara Tosiano, referring to The Woman Who Smashed Codes, the book to be discussed at the upcoming Hampton Historical Society History Book Group meeting. “You have to stop and remember that everything in the book really happened.” The group, which Tosiano leads, meets at the Tuck Museum of Hampton History at 40 Park Avenue in Hampton. The next meeting is Sunday, Dec. 9, at 4 p.m. All are welcome to attend the book group meeting and it is not necessary to read the book to join the discussion. Tosiano will offer traditional Christmas cookies.

Jingle Bell Express

The Children’s Museum of New Hampshire (6 Washington St., Dover) will present its annual Jingle Bell Express events on Saturday, Dec. 8, and Saturday, Dec. 15, with sessions from 10:30 to 11:30 a.m., noon to 1 p.m., 1:30 to 2:30 p.m. and 3 to 4 p.m. During each session, guests take C&J’s double-decker bus to the Cochecho Country Club to hear a reading of The Polar Express. The cost is $25 per person; kids under 2 years old receive free admission. Visit childrens-museum.org or call 742-2002.

Decorating contest A cappella holidays Sounds of the Seacoast women’s four part a cappella chorus will celebrate music of the season at their annual Holly Jolly Cabaret on Sunday, Dec. 9, from 3 to 5 p.m. at the Jarvis Center, 40 Andrew Jarvis Drive, Portsmouth. The 45-member chorus will sing a number of holiday favorites and other songs from their repertoire. Beverages, and snacks will be served, and there will be raffles, a sing-along and even a visit from Santa! All who attend the cabaret are asked to bring a non-perishable food or other appropriate item for baskets that will be presented to HAVEN. Tickets are $15 general seating and $5 for children 10 and under. For tickets call 603-759-5152, email tickets@ soundsoftheseacoast.org or visit soundsoftheseacoast.org.

The Seabrook Recreation Department will hold this year’s Annual Holiday House Decorating Contest at the town’s Community Center (311 Lafayette Rd, Seabrook) from 7 to 9 p.m. Wednesday, Dec. 12, where judging will commence. This year’s winners will be announced Friday, Dec. 14. Bakers of all ages are welcome to submit their entries at no charge. To register for this year’s competition, visit the Seabrook Recreation Department website.

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Oh s a m t s i r Ch s e e tr by Rob Levey

A couple at Tonry Tree Farm pick out their perfect Christmas tree. Courtesy photo.

One of the most enduring and iconic images of the holidays is that of the Christmas tree — but before these trees are chopped down, brought into homes and decorated with lights and ornaments, they must grow for years at tree farms. Local tree farmers talk about what it takes to grow trees, how to pick the right one for your home and how to keep it healthy throughout the holiday season.

Life on a tree farm

At Tonry Tree Farm in Hampton Falls, which has been owned by the Tonry family since 1964, 80 out of 250 acres are solely devoted to growing trees. In total,

the farm has more than 20,000 trees, including Fraser fir, white spruce, balsam fir and concolor fir. The growing process for these trees, according to co-owner Alice Tonry, takes longer than most people realize. “They grow about a foot a year,” she said. “Most people want a 7- to 10-foot tree, so it takes at least seven years or, in most cases, longer to grow a tree.” Marty Blackadar of Indian Hill Farm in South Hampton agrees and said the process for them begins in late April when their farm manager, Kraig, and crew begin to plant baby trees. “We purchase from state nurseries in

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Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire, Michigan and Pennsylvania depending on availability,” she said. The young trees are 2 years old when they arrive in plugs or bare root. “Kraig shears each and every tree on the farm every summer,” said Blackadar, who noted they have 211 acres out of which 35 are devoted to trees. “It usually takes him from the time he begins in June to the beginning of October to finish shearing.” They try to keep the use of chemicals to a minimum, she said, but sometimes it can’t be prevented. “The trees are subject to disease like

any other living thing,” she said. “We do fertilize our fields and they need to be mowed regularly to help keep the weeds down and diseases and viruses from developing.” Linda Archambault of Choose and Cut Christmas Tree Farm in Newmarket and Great Works Farm in North Berwick said growing trees started out as a hobby. “It slowly morphed into what is now our retirement job,” she said. It is a year-round job of planting, mowing and trimming, Archambault said, but she’s not complaining. “All the hard work really pays off when we see all the happy faces when 7

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Farm co-owners Jessie Tonry and her husband Peter King. Photo courtesy of Tonry Tree Farm.

worked at the farm when they were teenagers come back to work the weekends as adults. “They say it wouldn’t be Christmas without working at the farm,” said Blackadar. “We enjoy greeting folks who have been coming for their Christmas tree for years as well as the new customers.” Like Archambault, though, Blackadar said it does require substantial effort. “It does involve a whole lot of work all year long with the planting, shearing, fertilizing, shop-decorating, wreath-making, food and beverages, and offering an online presence,” she said. The effort, however, is well worth it, as Blackadar noted there is nothing quite like seeing generations of families visit the farm to purchase trees. “I’ve watched babies grow into adults and then they bring their children to the farm for another generation of tree tagging tradition,” she said. “It is truly a wonderful time of the year.”

How to pick the right tree

As for choosing the perfect Christmas tree, the experts said no one variety is better than another. “A Fraser Fir that appears to be perfect in every way to one just doesn’t cut it for another,” said Blackadar, who said they offer Fraser, balsam, spruce, concolor, Scotch pine, white pine, Canaan fir and others. “It’s interesting to note that some people find their perfect tree in a very short time and others might be wandering around for hours,” she added. “It is quite a personal choice and I don’t think everyone knows what they like until they see it.” There may be trends, though, in consumer preference. 8

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6 people come to tag and cut their tree,” she said. Tonry, who has worked at the farm her entire life, said she cannot imagine a holiday season without being on it, and there’s been an unexpected benefit too. “It’s a great excuse to get out of going to Christmas parties,” she said with a laugh. Tonry’s favorite part about owning a tree farm, though, is seeing the families who come there every year. “We have folks who came to cut their tree as a child and now they are bringing their own kids to do it,” she said. “I think it is really special that we can be a part of creating special family memories.” At Indian Hill Farm, Blackadar said her late husband Al, who was a Christmas and Christmas tree enthusiast, began selling trees in 1985. “He would sit in the shack with the kerosene heater and peddle Christmas trees that he purchased from the Rocks Christmas Tree Farm in northern New Hampshire,” she said. The next year was different for the Blackadars. “We planted our first field of Christmas trees the following year in 1986 when we decided we were not doing the best job of haying our fields meant for horse hay,” she said. “We felt we could make a better use of the land with trees.” The idea and farm worked, and years later, Blackadar refers to the holidays as “a family reunion.” “All of the group of young men along with my goddaughter Bridget and our head elf ‘Donna,’ who also works with me in the insurance agency at my other full-time job, unite to make it all work,” she said. She has also seen some folks who

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Tonry Tree Farm. Photo courtesy Virginia Merrill Photography.

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“Concolor fir trees have become 7 extremely popular in the last few years,” said Tonry. “They have long, blue-ish green needles and have a citrus scent.” Of course, you also need to decide if you want a pre-cut tree versus one you cut yourself. The latter, according to Tonry, provides several benefits. “Pre-cut trees come shipped in from Canada or Michigan, so it has been a few weeks since they were harvested,” she said. “Fresh-cut trees will last longer and smell better ... as long as they are cared for. … Cutting your own tree is also an excuse to get outside, spend time on a working farm and spend quality time with your loved ones.” Noting they have 27,000 trees spread across more than 90 acres on their two farms, Archambault said a fresh-cut tree will also hold its needles far longer than a tree that was cut, for example, in October. To determine the proper height of your tree, she said, it is important to measure the height from your floor to ceiling as well as to account for the tree stand itself. “Is it going in a corner or in the middle of the room?” said Archambault, who noted they sell balsam, Fraser, Canaan fir, grand fir, concolor fir and white spruce on their farms. “You may want a tall and skinny tree or a short and fat one. Placement is everything. It’s important to have an electrical outlet close by, too.” Scale is also critical. “The scale and size of a tree looks very different out in the field versus in your home,” said Tonry. “Bring a measuring tape and the dimensions of your living room and door. We always hear from folks that when they get the tree next to their car or to their house they are

shocked because it didn’t look that big when they cut it down.” She said they also offer assistance to people who want to cut their own trees. “We provide sleds and saws and are happy to assist, but we leave the experience up to you because it is fun,” Tonry said.

Make the most of your tree

If a tree is freshly cut, kept watered and not set up near a direct heating source, Blackadar said, it should last for several weeks or more. “I’ve had customers bring photos of their trees which they kept set up through the Fourth of July,” she said. “There are some real tree enthusiasts out there.” Tonry agrees and added, “The key to keeping a tree happy in your home is to give it lots of water and keep it away from heat sources like air vents or wood stoves.” For those hopeful of prolonging the smell of a live tree, that may not necessarily be possible, although Tonry offered a tip. “I suggest taking off a branch or two and finely cutting the needles and branches,” she said. “This will smell extra good and you can use it like potpourri. That’s what I do in my house.” While pets generally do not pose much risk to live trees, Tonry suggests getting a good-quality, sturdy stand. “The heavier, the better,” she added. If you have a particularly troublesome pet (or child), however, Archambault said a spruce may be the solution. “Those trees have needles that are prickly and most pets will only touch it once,” she laughed.

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A tree from Indian Hill Farm finds a home. Courtesy photo.

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Balsam fir Balsam firs are dark green, full trees. They have short, soft needles. They are popular for their fragrance and long-lasting needles.

White spruce White spruce have short, sharp needles and stiff branches. Spruce are great trees for heavy ornaments as they are very strong.

Fraser fir Fraser firs can be easily recognized by their blueish underside and branches that turn slightly upward. Fraser firs are extremely popular for their pleasant smell and excellent needle retention. Most trees at pre-cut lots are Fraser firs because they grow and ship easily.

Blue spruce These regal-looking trees have stiff needles and branches with colors ranging from icy blue to green. They are especially good for hanging heavier ornaments.

Concolor fir Concolor fir trees have become very popular in the last few years. These trees have fewer but longer blue-green needles. Concolor firs are popular for their citrus aroma, foliage color and shape. These trees are a new alternative to the traditional Fraser or spruce tree.

Grand fir These trees can grow 300 feet if not cut and produce a very strong fragrance with very thick foliage. Canaan fir Fairly new to the Christmas tree market, Canaan firs look very similar to balsam firs and Fraser firs.

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An Indian Hill Farm tree at the Exeter Band Stand. Courtesy photo.

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Decorating tips for the holidays According to Hanna Schaffer, co-founder and principal designer of Forest + Ash in Exeter, one general holiday decorating tip is to keep things simple. “If it’s too labor-intensive or difficult to achieve, then I’m not interested in doing it,” she said. “I look for fun and easy ways to make the house feel special without going insane and without blowing the budget.” She said one fun and easy strategy is to bring the outdoors inside the home “by adding tons of greenery to the space.” “For example, a simple yet beautiful way to decorate a dining table is putting garland or loose boughs down the center of your table,” she said. “Add pine cone, pomegranates and candles for a beautiful yet stress-free tablescape.” If you are having a large party, she said, writing your guests’ names on a magnolia leaf with a gold marker or using a pine cone as a table card holder is easy, too. “It makes an impact,” she said. If you do not have a mantel to drape with greenery, she said you can always drape windows, doorways and even picture and mirror frames with greenery. “Create a base with command hooks and floral wire on the frame and start stuffing the greenery until the frame is completely covered,” she said. Wreathes can also serve multiple purposes. “Often, homeowners only think of putting wreaths on the outside of their house, but a wall of wreaths inside is a dramatic look,” she said. “It’s a little bit like creating a gallery wall, but instead of using artwork you are using different sizes and types of wreaths.” For folks with budget concerns, Shaffer suggests using what you already have in the home. Mason jars or vases are two examples. “Cut a branch from a tree or even ask the folks at the tree farm for loose branch-

es,” she said. “Add clip-on candles or fairy lights and you have a chic arrangement.” Drawing on her own experience, Shaffer said she once created a tree void of any traditional ornaments when she bought bags of wooden stars and spray-painted them gold. “I then hot-glued floral wire to the stars and attached them to the tree,” she said. “The entire tree cost under $20 and it was a show-stopper.” If you are looking to add affordable ornaments to your tree, she said you can make them yourself with decorative paper. “There are tons of tutorials on YouTube on how to make paper ornaments,” she said. For out-of-the-box ideas, Shaffer said look at your local dollar stores or toy store for small figurines. “Grab those mason jars again, paint the lid and glue the figurines inside the jar, add snow and you have created a sweet ‘snow globe,’” she said. She has even used her kids’ unused deer figurines, painting them white and glittering them. “I use them every year in different ways,” she said. “I once placed them amongst bottle brush trees as a kids’ tablescape. Another time, I put them in little terrariums with sprigs of greenery and fake snow.” The hardware store is another place in possession of many items that can “look high-end and chic once you add a little extra touch.” “Buy amaryllis bulbs, plant them in a container with dirt, place moss or pine cones to cover the dirt completely and you have a long-lasting centerpiece,” she said. Whatever you do this holiday season, Shaffer suggests moving beyond reds and greens. “Pretty blushes and copper tones paired with a dark teal is a beautiful palette for the winter season,” she said.

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The Scene’s

Coastal Map

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Public beaches, parks and walking trails. Brought to you by:

Pierce Island

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PEOPLE AND PLACES

The Fifth Wheel

CHERI SMITH OWNER OF PUDDLEJUMPERS CHILDREN’S SHOP

Sounds interesting. I love everything in my shop. If I didn’t, I couldn’t sell it. Customers ask me all the time, “Do you like this?” I laugh and say, “Well, I bought 12.” I deal with vendors who stand behind their products so that I can too. Loving what you do is important, right? My shop is my home away from home, and I want customers to feel that level of comfort. Bring your kids and grandkids. Look around. Touch and play with stuff. Ask questions. Buy something, or not. Tell your friends about what you saw. You’ll be back.

Any other trends? Since the very beginning, Puddlejumpers has experienced a comfortable 2-percent growth every year. The last year or so has been crazy, though. I think the addition of SeaDog Brewery to downtown Exeter, the Thirsty Moose out on Portsmouth Ave. and the 110 Grille in Stratham has been a game-changer. We also have two fairly new hotels in town, and the Amtrak Downeaster stop is always busy. Exeter is becoming a destination for people to dine, shop and stay.

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Are you from here originally? Born and raised in Exeter. Heck, my parents were raised here and my daughters, too. Are you daughters still local? Yes, they both went away for college, one to New York City and the other to Chicago, but within a few years of their graduations they made their way back to New England.

What is the best part about being part of Exeter’s downtown? There are some great shops in downtown Exeter. Owners work really hard at providing a pleasant experience for customers here. Many shops have been here for decades and we refer customers to each other all day long. If I don’t have what you’re looking for, maybe my friend down the street does. We’ve got some fun eateries, too. You could park your car in the public lot and spend the whole day here easily. It’s friendly and safe and a great place for young families.

Did they ever work with you? Both worked at Puddlejumpers from the time they could count out change and are still incredibly valuable to me in selecting and merchandising product in the shop. The investment they made in our family business is one of the secrets of my success.

Any challenges in being downtown? Snow removal in the winter is pretty tough. It’s an old, colonial town and the streets are narrow. There ends up being a huge bank between the street parking spaces and the sidewalk. Unless each shop owner cuts a path in the bank, customers are expected to scale a mountain to reach the sidewalk from their car — not likely to happen. When it gets really bad the town removes it, but not nearly often enough, which makes downtown shopping nearly impossible for the elderly or people with young children.

What is your favorite part about living on the New Hampshire Seacoast? The history. I love living in a place that honors its past. I also love the people — hardworking, honest, generous and intelligent.

Does business stay steady through winter? Not really. We experience a real slowdown in January and February, but after nearly 30

Comfortable, Relaxed Adult Shopping

Any hobbies when you are not working? During slower times of year ... I like to be at home in my old farmhouse. I like gardening ... and I have an amazing little French bulldog, Ripley, who is my obsession.

Any big plans for the future? Any changes on the horizon for you? Oh dear, that’s a loaded question to ask a women of a certain age! I love what I do, but it’s pretty demanding. Exeter is really blowing up right now. Business is great and improving at a rate I haven’t experienced before, but the hours are long and the level of service demanding. Who knows — ask me after the holidays are over! — Rob Levey

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What is your business about? I go to regional markets and New York City to look at all that’s available for babies and kids. Then, I carefully — obsessively, really — curate a collection to share with my customers.

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ADVENTURE

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What it is: The Woodman Museum is an early-20th-century-style natural science, history and art museum located along the main road of Dover. The museum was founded in 1916 and consists of four buildings: the main Woodman House, the Hale House, the William Damm Garrison and the Keefe House, all filled with a wide variety of exhibits, artifacts and galleries for all ages. Some examples of what can be found at the Woodman Museum include colonial artifacts, a mineral, shell and fossil gallery, mounted animal specimens, fine art and furniture, military history, local history objects and more. The museum is open from mid-March to mid-December, Wednesday through Sunday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Admission to the museum costs $13 for adults, $10 for seniors, $9 for college and high school students and active military and $7 for children. What I did: I parked along Central Avenue before venturing into the Woodman’s main building just after the museum opened. There, I was greeted by the staff and was led into the first room of the museum with my guide. I was introduced to the Woodman’s array of the classic inspirations behind today’s most popular phone applications. This rotational exhibit was established in an attempt to emphasize the importance of remembering the inspirations behind these modern-day conveniences. Devices such as classic telephones, old film cameras, vintage typewriters, flashlights, maps of Dover, and various projection technology all stood lining the walls of the Foster Room and worked to show just how far appliances have come over the years. The next stop on the tour was a room that featured significant historical influences that led to the founding of Dover, as well as an homage to President Lincoln and his ties with the Granite State. Following the introduction of the room and a brief overview of what else can be expected through the exploration of the Woodman House, I was left to my own devices and allowed to explore at my own

SEACOAST SCENE | DECEMBER 6 - 19, 2018 | PAGE 14

Woodman Museum in Dover. Photo by Andrew Clay.

leisure. I was awestruck at the vastness of the rest of the Woodman House, not having realized that the museum would be made up of three floors of diverse and interesting artifacts and exhibits. From the works of a local taxidermist and his displays of a massive polar bear, moose, bison, wolf, fish, birds and more, to perfectly preserved Native American memorabilia, I saw just how much fascinating and significant historical regalia was held within the Woodman. I traveled throughout the three floors, making sure to check every room so as not to miss anything before making my way back downstairs. There, I was told that the Woodman House is actually only one of four buildings on the Woodman Museum campus. Before I ventured with my guide to the other houses around the museum grounds, we made a stop in the mineral room, which is home to over 1,300 samples from around the Seacoast and the rest of the world as well as a fluorescent mineral display. The two of us then ventured to the Damm Garrison home, which is one of only a few remaining authentic colonial-era garrisons, which has since been relocated from the back river district of Dover. There, we got a taste of what life was like back in the 1600s, including wood-burning fireplaces, rifle peepholes and other necessities of early colonial living, laid out as they were hundreds of years ago. From there, we traveled to the Hale House, the third of four buildings. It was filled with rows of displays, categorized by various themes. Traveling up the stairs, we were witness to the high-society standards

of colonial-era living with various rooms set up to replicate how an upper-class home might have been designed in the colonial era. With the fourth building acting as an active art gallery, and with limited time, we concluded our tour. With so much to do and such variety between all of the exhibits, it was difficult to see everything during my adventure to the Woodman Museum, but I will be returning to ensure that I did not miss out on any of the full Woodman experience.

Who else would enjoy this: I learned the hard way that the Woodman Museum is not your average museum. With so much to see and so many places to explore, and under the guidance of a knowledgeable staff, those looking to visit the museum should set aside a solid three to four hours if they wish to truly take in everything that the Woodman has to offer. Each of the four buildings will take about an hour to thoroughly explore, according to my guide. Aside from the time required to take in all of the museum’s bounties, there is something for everyone within its walls: beautifully preserved animals from alligators to butterflies, an extensive rock and mineral collection and rooms for all of the American wars, as well as a relocated colonial garrison home and replications of high-society living. The entrances to the buildings have ramps to accommodate those who have a difficult time with stairs, although the upper levels of each of the buildings will be difficult to manage, but the museum staff notes that they do their best to accommodate individual needs.

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CAR TALK

One-finger driving leaves you vulnerable to the unexpected Dear Car Talk: This is not a car question as much as it is a husband question. My husband insists that it’s safe to drive, even on highways at highway speed, with just By Ray Magliozzi one index finger curled around the steering wheel. Driving with him can be positively scary. Can you please set him straight? Thank you! — Anonymous One-finger driving” works fine. Until it doesn’t. With one finger, on most cars, you can hold the steering wheel in its current position, and keep the car going straight. The problem comes when you suddenly need to do something other than go straight. For instance, when a 40-ton semi carrying pig iron suddenly changes lanes into yours, not realizing you’re there. Can you swerve out of the way and avoid an accident with one finger? No. Or let’s say someone stops short in front of you, and you can’t stop in time. Can you steer off to the side of the road with one finger to avoid bashing into the guy? No. If you hit a huge pothole and your wheels pull toward the other lane of traffic, are you going to be able to bring those wheels back with one finger? No. So you’re right to be scared. While what

he’s doing will be fine 99 percent of the time, your husband is endangering you, and other people on the road, by not being ready for the unexpected. So try to convince him to shape up. Ask him if he’d be comfortable riding in a bus with a driver who had one finger on the wheel. I hope he’s willing to change his behavior. If not, write back with his license plate number and we’ll encourage everyone who drives by him to remind him of this advice by saluting him — with just one finger. Dear Car Talk: While on a trip through the Smoky Mountains in my 2016 Chevrolet Equinox with 39,000 miles on it, we stopped at the Newfound Gap overlook. When preparing to depart, my car would not start. Luckily, I was in a spot where I had cellphone service, and luckily, I had OnStar — and especially luckily, they were able to determine my location through my smartphone. My car was towed to the nearest Chevy dealership, where they determined that my battery was dead. No warning whatsoever; the car is less than two years old and is kept parked in a garage when not in use. The dealership where the car was towed to, as well as my local dealership, both said they just don’t put great batteries in cars anymore. My local dealer said they even had

batteries fail on new cars freshly delivered to them. Is this true of all new cars, or just General Motors? I’m nervous that this will happen again and strand me in my new car. — Judy We’re glad you were rescued, Judy, and didn’t end up passing through the digestive system of a black bear. But I’m not aware of any big drop in quality in new-car batteries, although the dealers may notice new-car problems before we would, since we don’t usually see cars until they’re out of warranty. Unless a battery is defective, or there’s something wrong with your car’s charging system, a good battery should last an average of about five years. And even mid-range batteries should last three to four years. So you may have gotten a normally adequate battery that had a manufacturing defect. That’s not unheard of. It’s also not unusual for a battery to die without warning. Sometimes you’ll notice that the starter motor is cranking slower than it used to. But lots of people don’t notice that because it happens gradually, or they don’t care until the car fails to start. Newer cars do use more power when they’re just sitting — for things like alarms, emissions computers and wireless connections. So it’s more common than it used to be for a battery to die when a car sits for a cou-

ple of weeks. That may be what the dealer is referring to in regard to new cars on his lot. But in that case, you’d just recharge the battery. You don’t have to replace it. Your battery presumably could not be recharged. So my guess is that it was just bad luck. My advice would be to do your research when replacing a battery, if you have time. Sometimes you just need a battery right away, so you can’t go to Consumer Reports online and find out which battery is best. And if the idea of a future battery failure really worries you, another thing you could do is take a jump pack with you when you travel out of town. They now make amazing lithium ion battery packs that are the size of a small book and will fit in your glove compartment. Yet they’re powerful enough to start most cars, under most conditions. They cost an average of about $100. And if you take one with you (heeding the warning about storing it in a hot place), you should be able to overcome a dead battery. As a bonus, these compact jump packs also can be used to charge up your phone or tablet. So if you don’t want to jumpstart the car with it, you’ll have enough power to watch an unlimited number of YouTube videos about automotive reupholstery while you’re waiting for the tow truck. Visit Cartalk.com.

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FOOD

AT THROWBACK BREWERY Throwback Brewery (7 Hobbs Road, North Hampton, 603-379-2317) is a brewery, a restaurant and a beautiful farm dedicated to sustainability and community. Nicole Carrier, co-founder and president, talks about events like beer dinners and beer subscriptions (“sort of like a beer CSA” according to Carrier), their mission, and of course, the menu. How long has Throwback Brewery been around? We started selling beer in July of 2011, and we opened our restaurant at our farm in July of 2015. All together, we’ve been in business for seven and a half years. We [Carrier and co-founder Annette Lee] wanted to start a business that combined our love of brewing with supporting local farms and agriculture. Annette and I fell in love with brewing for different but highly complementary reasons. I love to cook. It’s one of my passions. So I fell in love with dreaming up new ideas for beers, inspired by my favorite flavor profiles, like chocolate and peanut butter. Annette fell in love with all the science that goes into making great craft beer. After we had been home brewing for about seven years, Annette was looking to change careers (from environmental engineering). She decided to get her certificate in brewing from Siebel and did an internship at Smuttynose. After that, she convinced me that with her aptitude for brewing and problem-solving, and my background in marketing and business, that we should open a brewery. It didn’t take too much convincing. What makes Throwback Brewery unique? We have a very distinct mission of crafting beer and food from ingredients grown from

within 200 miles of us. Depending upon the beer, we are 70 to 99 percent of the way there — something extremely unique in our state. Last summer and fall, [about] 50 percent of the produce served in our restaurant came from our farm. We [also] strive to make our community stronger and more vibrant. We are sustainability-minded — committed to minimizing our negative impact on the environment and maximizing the growth of local farms. We try and live this value in how we source and prepare our food and beer. We believe strongly in renewable energy, and have solar panels that help power our beer. We are striving to achieve a full circle of sustainability here. … At the moment, we are still the only 100-percent women-owned brewery in New Hampshire. What is your personal favorite dish? In the summer my favorite dish is [chef Carrie Dahlgren’s] Caprese Salad — sliced New Roots Farm heirloom tomatoes, a citrusy basil pesto (made from three types of basil from our farm), and Maplebrook Farm burratini mozzarella, finished with a balsamic saba (a sweet, fruity grape must reduction). In the winter months I often crave our Throwback Burger. It’s been on our menu since we opened, and it is our best seller. [It’s a] Northeast Family Farms beef burger cooked perfectly medium rare, topped with

SEACOAST SCENE | DECEMBER 6 - 19, 2018 | PAGE 18

Photos courtesy of Nicole Carrier.

our beer caramelized onions, melted Gruyere cheese, [and] garlic-thyme aioli, all on top of our house-made spent grain bun. What is a dish everyone should try? People [have] literally stopped me in the streets to tell me how much they love our wings. If you come to Throwback, you must try our Korean Wings. They are both crispy and tender, while being packed with flavor. They are served with a crunchy fried kimchi rice ball. Oh, and they are also gluten-free! What is an essential skill to running a restaurant? The ability to work very hard for long periods of time. You have to have a lot of energy and passion. I also think it’s essential to have tried many of the roles at least once so you can understand what your team does on a daily basis and you can help problem-solve when issues come up. That also helps during the summer months when the restaurant gets slammed, as you can jump in to help. I find

myself behind the bar washing a lot of glasses in the busy months, or pitching in cleaning tables or filling beer orders. Annette has been known to jump into the kitchen to help expedite or wash dishes. Our chef often washes dishes and has been known to run some food out when the front of the house gets super busy. What is your favorite part of being on the Seacoast? I love our community, and I’ve so enjoyed meeting so many wonderful customers, chefs, farmers, brewers and other artisans. I also love our proximity to both the shoreline and the mountains, giving us easy access to a variety of activities and the beauty that each setting presents. I love to ski with Annette, Carrie, and other people on our team. We also love to hike on our (rare) days off. I feel very fortunate to be in the midst of one of our state’s great culinary locations. There are so many amazingly talented chefs around here. — Alison Downs

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Since we recently found out it’s healthier to eat pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving instead of the salad with romaine lettuce (thanks, E. Coli!), I’m on the hunt for some actual healthy vegetable dishes to add to my holiday repertoire. With all of the rich dishes during this season, it’s a relief to eat something light and healthy (or at least have the option of it!). A good Caesar salad is such a crowd pleaser but as I write this, it is off limits. So I’m turning to my next favorite green for salads: spinach! I prefer baby spinach because it’s a bit easier to eat than more mature spinach. It’s more tender and has a slightly sweeter taste (although it’s not “sweet”). Spinach is wonderfully hardy and is actually pretty easy to grow around here. If not for the early snow, you might have had luck harvesting some in your own home garden this late in the fall. Or, betEasy Spinach Salad 1 bag baby spinach, washed ½ red bell pepper, chopped ¼ cup crumbled goat cheese ¼ cup pomegranate seeds ¼ cup slivered almonds (or candied walnuts if you want things sweeter)

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ter yet, plant spinach as your earliest crop and enjoy it in the spring. Spinach has all sorts of good stuff from lutein to vitamins C, K, A and B6. It’s this delicate little leaf that packs a big, strong punch. It’s exactly the kind of food we should stuff our faces with this flu season to help ward off the bugs. Fresh is best but even frozen is a great option as leaves are frozen right at harvest time. Enjoy my recipe — the colors are inspired by the season. It’s the perfect addition to any holiday feast. — Allison Willson Dudas Dressing: ½ cup balsamic vinegar Dash of salt and pepper 1½ tablespoons Dijon mustard ¼ cup extra virgin olive oil Mix balsamic with salt, pepper and Dijon and then shake with olive oil. Drizzle onto salad and toss.

DRINK

Capital region brewing

Concord area boasts a variety of exciting breweries If you go to Portland, Maine, or Burlington, Vermont, you wouldn’t necessarily go with one specific brewery in mind. Rather, the goal would be to immerse yourself in the city’s brewing scene. When I’ve made the trek, sure, I want to hit the big names, but it’s often even more fun to let a local bartender guide you to a variety of new, fresh and local options brews and breweries that aren’t even on your radar. I think New Hampshire’s brewing scene, and specifically in a few regions within the state, is becoming destinations for beer lovers. Certainly, the growth of brew buses within the state speaks to that. Portsmouth tends to get the most attention, understandably so with destinations like Throwback Brewery in North Hampton, Great Rhythm Brewing in Portsmouth and Stoneface Brewing Co. just a little farther north in Newington. The Londonderry-Derry region has created its own little hotbed of breweries, with Kelsen Brewing and 603 Brewery leading the way. Perhaps a bit off the radar, New Hampshire’s capital region is having a major craft beer renaissance, with breweries like Concord Craft Brewing Co., Lithermans Limited Brewery and Canterbury Aleworks brewing great beers and drawing crafts beer lovers from all over. Speaking of the capital region, here are my notes on three Concord-area brews you should be drinking in real time:

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Flap Jack Maple Double Brown Ale by Henniker Brewing

Yes, please, I’ll have another. This brew has the quintessential brown ale flavors of toffee, coffee and nuttiness, along with a little sweetness from the maple. This is a wonderful brew — I would call this a perfect fall brew, in fact. At 7 percent ABV, it’s got a little kick to it, but not too much. This is one of those brews that’s so good it makes me want to challenge people not to like it. It’s perfectly balanced, smooth, flavorful, and robust; it’ll stand up to a cold night but it’s not too much of a beer to bog you down, though you might be reaching for a second when you’re done. Jeff Mucciarone is a senior account execSenatah by Concord Craft utive with Montagne Communications, where he provides communications supBrewing Co. When it comes to IPAs, they’re almost port to the New Hampshire wine and spirits a dime a dozen these days. Who is making industry. a subpar IPA right now and is still in busiI must try this ness? I don’t know. Concord Craft Brewing Co. has several IPAs and they’re all excelMaybe it’s just the name, but I can’t wait to lent. The Senatah is not too hazy and not too try the Cashmere Track Suit double IPA by bitter. The hops deliver a fresh, citrusy crispThrowback Brewery. At 8.4-percent ABV, I can only imagine this New England-style ness that borders on “juicy” but holds back IPA will hit me square in the face. According from the “juicy” label. And that’s great, to the brewery, you’ll note “flavors of citrus frankly. The brew is approachable, at 6.5 and melon, with a slight hint of pineapple.” percent ABV. This is a welcoming IPA.

Ground Control Stout by Lithermans Limited Brewery

This is a beer for the coffee lover in your life. The nose is filled with aromas of strong, rich coffee — and that same robust coffee flavor will hit you right in the face when you take your first sip. This brew, which is made with locally brewed coffee, is thick and rich and black as night. There’s so much big coffee flavor in this brew, it made me wonder if I was feeling a caffeine spike—maybe I’ll swap out my afternoon cup of coffee for this.

What’s in My Fridge Samuel Adams Winter Classics Mix Pack: Remember when Samuel Adams included the Cranberry Lambic in its winter mix pack? I’ve never met a single human who enjoyed that brew. I’m sure it has a cult following somewhere. But the rest of the mix pack was so good and so festive that you didn’t mind wasting two beers each time you bought it. The mix pack has evolved over the years, but it still includes my personal holiday favorite, Old Fezziwig, along with the Winter Lager, Boston Lager, Sam ’76, Holiday Porter and Chocolate Bock. Cheers!

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POP CULTURE BOOKS

Nine Perfect Strangers, by Liane Moriarty (Flatiron Books, 453 pages)

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Stranger No. 1 in Liane Moriarty’s Nine Perfect Strangers is a romance novelist newly slayed by a devastating review. The reviewer had dubbed Frances Welty’s books formulaic and trite, “airport trash.” She is not handling it well, and her pain suggests that Moriarty has heard some of the same criticism. But it’s not due her latest book. While Nine Perfect Strangers may present like chick-lit, Moriarty’s eighth novel is a refreshingly smart and funny departure from standard airport fare. Any formula she may have is simply snappy dialogue, an engaging plot and memorable turns-of-phrase. For example, you may well know the type of person she describes as “definite people” — people who definitely know they are right, all the time. Or privileged people who have led “candy-filled lives.” The novel, set in Australia, begins with a heart attack. Two emergency medical technicians are tending to a pale and clammy executive who refuses to stop working even though her assistant summoned an ambulance when she fell off her chair and had a seizure. From that scene Moriarty advances 10 years to a health resort called Tranquillum House where the titular nine strangers are gathering, despite mixed reviews of the facility’s unconventional measures. The romance novelist, Frances, is the first to arrive, with a broken heart and a soft body that didn’t convey much but “52 years of good living and a weakness for Lindt chocolate balls.” She is joined by two millennials who recently won $22 million in a lottery, which enabled them to buy a Lamborghini and a lot of cosmetic surgery, but which seems to have shattered their marriage. There’s also a divorced mom worn out from the incessant needs of her four children and elderly mother; a devastatingly handsome gay attorney who frequently goes to health spas in an “indulge and atone” cycle; and a middleaged man, mopey for 20 years, although he has two happy faces tattooed on his buttocks. Rounding out the nine is a family of three: an ebullient father who is often unaware of tears streaming down his face (“as if his body excreted grief without his knowledge”); his stoic wife; and their 20-year-old daughter, Zoe. They are there because it’s January, an anniversary of grief. It’s been nearly three years since the death of Zachary, Zoe’s twin brother. The nine have paid handsomely to enter the gated resort for a 10-day “cleanse,” and all have different desires and needs, but a singular purpose: to enter the spa as one sort of person and to leave as another. The cleanse begins benignly enough, with peculiar smoothies, meditation by starlight and a “noble silence” the clients are instructed to observe for five days.

But the regimen is tailored for the individuals by an obsessive overseer who monitors them remotely and who seems motivated by something other than profit. The resulting tension of what’s really happening, and why entwines nicely with the relationship stories, of alliances built between strangers during their stay. It’s a complicated task to present nine strangers and their backstories and expect readers to keep up with them, in addition to the stories of the three people who comprise Tranquillum House’s staff. But Moriarty does this efficiently, with short chapters that connect each person’s story to another, like tributaries handing off to a river. She makes the reader care, not only about the big grief of this story — the death of Zoe’s brother, the details of which are slowly uncovered — but also about the lesser trials. Moreover, she has a gift of pivoting easily from humor to poignancy, as when she writes about Zoe’s mother, a midwife, staring into the “sad wise eyes” of a child she’d just delivered. “All babies had the same wise look, as if they’d just come from another realm where they’d learned some beautiful truth they couldn’t share.” There’s enough foreshadowing of the strange methods used by this health spa that when the shocking thing comes about twothirds through the book (yes, it’s a formula, but formulas work), it’s not entirely unexpected, but in Moriarty’s skillful hands the revelation and its aftermath are delightful. That said, there are smoky undertones of an airport novel or beach read here; no one will read Nine Perfect Strangers for intellectual betterment. Those inclined to overthink can pluck deeper themes from the novel’s contrails: To what lengths would you go to be a different person, obtain a different life, escape bad memories? To what extent should we put our self-care in the hands of strangers? And wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all spent five days — or five months — in noble silence? Where can we sign up? B+ — Jennifer Graham

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Diane Robbins Jones with Rudy. Courtesy photo.

parallel and the more I worked with Rudy, the more I started having this thought of how there are a lot of kids out there who are going through similar things. The book began writing itself.” After two years of writing, Rudy – A Big Horse with a Big Heart was published Nov. 21. “His story needs to be out there and I think this is going to be something that is relatable to kids,” said Jones. The book’s narration is told through the otherwise silent perspective of the horse. “In terms of being abandoned by a parent or feeling frustrated but not having a voice, I wanted to write something that a kid could relate to by having Rudy show his feelings about the stuff that was happening in his life,” she said. Rudy – A Big Horse with a Big Heart was also written with the intent of teaching children the importance of commitment and what it really takes to train a horse. “There have been times where I thought about the idea of maybe this horse isn’t the right one for me, maybe I don’t have the skills to bring him where he needs to be. There are times when I get nervous; he’s a big, huge horse,” she said. “Any of your weaknesses as a human get picked up and magnified by the horse. It really shows you things about yourself. The process was not at

all what I was expecting. It’s a lot easier to be friends with a human than a horse, but it really is rewarding.” Jones has some advice for aspiring horse owners. “If you’re going to do this, you have to be all in,” said Jones. “You need to realize that horses are a living, breathing being that have basic emotion. It’s not all about what you want to do — it’s a partnership. You need to have that partnership with your horse for you to really be able to bond.” On top of highlighting the true adventures and hijinks that Rudy has wound up in over the years, Rudy – A Big Horse with a Big Heart also includes an educational glossary of horse terms related to riding, care and anatomy, as well as horse facts. Full-page watercolor illustrations were painted by local artist Karen Busch Holman. “Karen is amazing. My book is her 15th children’s book and she has five more coming out in 2019. The illustrations and her attention to detail are just so great,” she said. For more information on Jones’ book Rudy – A Big Horse with a Big Heart, the latest information on local book signings, readings, and access to the book, visit Facebook at Rudy the Rudster or Instagram at rudy.therudster. — Andrew Clay

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Like many girls growing up, Diane Robbins Jones of Rye was struck with a strong passion to be a horse owner, so much so that she would scour the want ad section of local papers to find the cheapest horses available before giving a weekly pitch to her parents. A variety of reasons, however, ensured that Jones’ dream was not meant to pan out as she hoped. But as she grew up, left the Seacoast to go to college and eventually moved to Boston for work, her equine love never wavered. Jones would often find herself at various ranches whenever the opportunity presented itself, although she never took any formal riding lessons. This was the case until a new job allowed her to return to Portsmouth, where she found herself living a mile down the road from a local stable. “If I can’t take a riding lesson now,” she said, ”then there’s something wrong with me.” This is when she met Rudy. “I was taking lessons, noticed him and thought, ‘Oh, wow, what a cool horse,’” said Jones. Rudy, at the time, was under his third ownership and was well-known around the stable as being a charismatic and immensely lovable horse but still in the very early stages of training and with a bit of a trust issue. But he was for sale, and Jones was enamored. After leasing Rudy for three months, she finalized the purchase and began what she would later refer to as the greatest challenge and greatest joy of her life. “It took into my third year for Rudy and I to really bond and begin to trust. I started thinking about Rudy’s life. I’m his fourth owner in 10 years and he had been bounced around. People weren’t committed to him. No wonder he doesn’t want to trust a human,” Jones said. “I began drawing this

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Stand-up comedian JT Habersaat is a native New Yorker who relocated to Texas in the mid-2000s. The change made him “softer around the edges,” he said, “which is a positive for me.” Returning to the region, however, causes old instincts to kick in. Habersaat just rolls with them. The tour stops in Portsmouth on Dec. 6. “I always say I have dual citizenship, because Texans view their state as a country and New York is a very proud spot to be from as well,” he said by phone from Austin. “My East Coast lies somewhat dormant until I get back; then it springs to life. My step immediately increases in pace, and my ‘let’s get this done’ attitude jumps.” Habersaat’s on-stage style is frenetic and intense, much like the punk rock bands he admires and whose road ethic informs the Altercation Comedy Tour he launched in 2008. Frustrated with the industry’s inflexibility, he began booking rock clubs and dive bars, zigzagging the country in a van full of comics with a penchant for coloring outside the lines. Ten years on, the tour’s attitude remains the same, but it’s “more streamlined, leaner and meaner now. It’s evolved from what was more of a Ramones gang mentality,” Habersaat said. “Now I basically fly out to a region and use a strong feature ... that I really trust.” In each city, like-minded locals join the headliners on stage, like Kevin Cotter in Portsmouth. Manchester comic Jay Chanoine is on the current tour; the two gig together frequently. “Jay and I have a very similar kind of aesthetic,” Habersaat said. “He’s like a Ramones and Devo guy, and I’m a Black Flag guy. So it makes sense in terms of a punk comedy tour vibe. While we’re both ranty, we have very different approaches. It’s ketchup and mustard.” When Habersaat began Altercation, he was a trailblazer. “It was a weird thing we were trying to do,” he said. “Used to be the comedy clubs were the only place, and their set of rules were the only way, unless you wanted to do what we did or what the Kings of Comedy or Doug Stanhope did, which is to say eff you — but man, was that harder!” Road life is now much saner, and the business also got easier in the intervening years. “I’ve been around a long time, so I have the contacts and stuff, but also it’s the fact that there are so many different types of venues,” JT Habersaat and Jay Chanoine, with Kevin Cotter When: Thursday, Dec. 6, 9 p.m. Where: Trigger House, 135 McDonough St., Suite 24, Portsmouth Tickets: $8 at eventbrite.com

JT Habersaat. Courtesy photo.

he said. “The definition of what is a comedy room is so broad ... it’s more of a level playing field, and you don’t have to play the reindeer games.” Along with touring and writing the recently published road diary Killing For a Living, Habersaat’s Altercation Comedy Festival is in its third year as an annual event in Austin. “I think it’s successful because I constantly dragged feet. People asked me to do a festival for years and I said no,” he said. “I didn’t have the right mindset. I think just intentionally waiting until everything was right is why it’s been doing well. Also, I’m lucky to have friends that are headliners to help me out.” In January, he’ll do a series of spoken-word events with musicians like Cheetah Chrome (Dead Boys), Kyle Schutt (The Sword) and Mike Wiebe (Riverboat Gamblers) dubbed Altercation Road Stories. “I host and do kind of comedic stories,” Habersaat said. “Then they come up and tell insane stuff about touring with Metallica or the time that Cheetah got into a fistfight with Iggy Pop ... just crazy stuff like that.” Whether it’s recalling the night an Altercation comic’s dalliance with the girlfriend of a Misfits cover band’s drummer got the entire tour chased out of Grants Pass, Oregon, by a caravan of pickup trucks, or tour craziness in Alaska, storytelling is Habersaat’s favorite format. “When it’s done right, it’s super powerful,” he said. Though tempting, the current political scene is mostly off limits in his act, however. “I talked about Charlottesville when that was going on, because I come from the East Coast punk and hardcore scenes and we have very strong opinions about how to deal with Nazis ... but it’s something that I wasn’t enjoying talking about on stage,” he said. “So I kind of decided I’m going to take people out of that, make it a break … because it’s so important to have times where there is a break.” — Michael Witthaus

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7 Lean on the horn 8 Assistant 9 Digital data display 10 Mitt 11 ABC host Roberts 12 Train tracks 18 Zero, in rugby 23 Patriotic memorabilia 24 Former Cowboy Smith 26 Emulated Cicero 28 “Need You Tonight” group 29 1890s gold rush city 31 Two-letter pair 33 Moved sinuously 36 Get going 37 “I don’t want that” 38 “The Book of Mormon” co-creator Parker 41 Ballet great Vaslav 44 Pesto ingredient 49 Detection methods 51 Beyond pale 52 First word of a “Star Trek” opener 53 Wine variety 54 “Late Night with Seth Meyers” writer/performer Ruffin 55 Pin in the back 57 EGOT winner Moreno 59 Jeans maker Strauss 60 Noticed 64 Knot up ©2018 Jonesin’ Crosswords

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BEACH BUM FUN ROCKANDROLLCROSSWORDS.com BY TODD SANTOS

It makes me feel so fine I can’t control my brain Across

1. Carly Simon song that leaves a permanent mark? 5. Bob Dylan ‘I __ __ Change Comin’ On’ (4,1) 10. Bill Withers’ girl does this to him 14. AC/DC ‘Hell Ain’t A Bad Place __ __’ (2,2) 15. Like Judas Priest’s gun ‘Fire’

16. Weezer uses a ‘Hash’ one 17. T, Cube and Vanilla 18. ‘06 Darkness top ten UK hit (2,2,4,2) 20. Like ‘Girls’ to Veruca Salt 22. NIN “Will you bite the hand that __” 23. To encourage kid to make it 24. Four Tops ‘__ __ A Feeling’ (1,3)

26. Primal Scream song about a vehicle’s pedal? 30. Adam Lambert ‘If I __ You’ 33. Weezer’s Rivers 34. Belle & Sebastian ‘The Boy With The __ Strap’ 35. ‘04 Norah Jones ‘Feels Like Home’ song ‘What Am __ __ You?’ (1,2) 36. Weezer ‘I Swear It’s __’ 37. __ Hall & John Oates 39. Electronic drum break 40. 70s ‘Nutrocker’ prog-rockers (abbr) 41. ‘Chelsea Girl’ singer/model 42. Hammond is one 43. Deadhead t-shirt: tie-__ 44. ‘99 Dream Theater album ‘__ Memory’ (6,4,1) 47. Weezer “Guess I’ll just close my __” 48. Queen “__, life had just begun”

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and I choke” (1,3) 25. To hit #1 might be your primary one 26. What Dave Pirner did in the film Singles 27. Jump ‘N The Saddle Band’s ‘83 Three Stooges song ‘__ Shuffle’ 28. Beach Boys had a ‘Little Deuce’ one 29. ‘Don’t Know Much’ Neville 30. “If he hollers let __ __” (3,2) 31. Ed Sheeran debut smash ‘The __ __’ (1,4) 32. NY’s ___ The Buffalo 37. Rolling Stones’ are ‘Tumbling’ 38. Top guns in industry 39. What producer did to song before recording 41. Record breaking boy band (1,4) 42. PJ Harvey ‘Rid __ __’ (2,2) 45. Aka Slim Shady 46. Label execs get a high one, compared to mail room guy 47. Demagnetize, as a tape 49. A-list legend 50. Steve Porcaro ‘Rosanna’ band 51. ‘13 30 Seconds To Mars song ‘__ __ The Air’ (2,2) 52. Monster Magnet ‘God __ No’ 53. ‘Unforgettable’ singer Nat King 54. Weezer “Only love can __ the pain” 55. Dust For Life ‘__ Into The Light’ 57. Bryan Adams “Take me __ __ am, take my life” (2,1) 58. Meat Loaf ‘__ Out Of Hell’ © 2018 Todd Santos

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NEWS OF THE WEIRD BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

Wait, what?

Akihiko Kondo, 35, of Tokyo, spent $18,000 on a Nov. 4 wedding ceremony to marry the love of his life, Hatsune Miku -- a computer-generated hologram with big eyes and long, turquoise hair. Kondo told Reuters he found Hatsune Miku, who has thousands of fans around the world, singing on the internet. The wedding ceremony included traditions such as the exchange of rings (hers was placed on the finger of a stuffed doll created in her image) and friends and relatives in attendance, although Kondo’s parents did not attend. “I believe the shape of happiness and love is different for each person,” Kondo said.

Christmas comes early

A Bank of America ATM in Houston was the scene of a near-riot on Nov. 25 when it began dispensing $100 bills instead of $10s, reported Click2Houston. After the first lucky driver posted his score on social media, a crowd showed up and stood in line, with a few fights and arguments breaking out over about two hours, until police were summoned and the free money was shut down. Bank of America released a statement the next day that would have galled Ebenezer Scrooge: “Customers will be able to keep the money dispensed.” Turns out the blame lay with a vendor who incorrectly loaded $100 bills into the $10 slot. There was no report of how much money was withdrawn.

Least competent criminals

• Richard Robert Langely, 46, of Kansas City, Missouri, was working part time for the Platte Woods Police Department in October when he decided to take part in the department’s drug take-back program. Except, according to court documents, Langely wasn’t disposing of drugs; he was helping himself to pills that had been collected in Lake Waukomis. And to make matters worse, the Kansas City Star reported, his own body camera captured evidence enabling prosecutors to charge him with felony theft of a controlled substance. Langely is scheduled to appear in court on Dec. 10. • Wesley Glenn Bost, 27, of Birmingham, Alabama, made quite the impression when he fell through the ceiling of a Waffle House in Tuscumbia on Nov. 4, not least because he wasn’t wearing pants. Bost apparently went into the restaurant’s bathroom and used his pants to tie the door shut, then, said Tuscumbia police Detective Sgt. Wes Holland, climbed into the ceiling with the intent of robbing the office. WHNT News reported that video of the incident shows Bost

shoving other restaurant patrons on his way to the door, which was being held shut by people outside, before hitting the door with his shoulder and falling to the floor. Finally he managed to flee — without his trousers, which held his driver’s license.

Compelling explanations

It happens all the time: A vehicle crashes into a building, causing damage and sometimes injury, because brakes don’t function or a driver steps on the wrong pedal. In the case of Keith Rio Cavalier, 28, however, there was more to the story. WLOX reported that Cavalier drove his 1997 Toyota Tacoma into a glass wall at the Harrison County courthouse in Gulfport, Mississippi, on Nov. 10 at around 6 a.m. The building was empty, so there were no injuries, and Cavalier can be clearly seen on surveillance video climbing out of the truck and leaving the scene. When police caught up to him, Cavalier told them he intentionally struck the building in order to report drug paraphernalia had been stolen from him. It will come as no surprise that Cavalier was found to have been driving under the influence and arrested; he was held at the county jail on $25,000 bond.

whole,” said Anderson. The scientist has Crime Report named about 120 weevils over his career. Suspected car prowler Isaiah John Gellatly, 31, of Vancouver, Washington, was going about his business late on Nov. 19 Awesome! All good things must come to an end, when Happy Valley police were called, and so it seems for Robert Craig Davis, according to Fox12 News. Respond70, of Key Largo, Florida. Drivers in ing officers found Gellatly lying fully South Florida had reported seeing a reclined in the driver’s seat of a Honda Chrysler Pacifica minivan rigged with a Accord matching the suspect vehicle’s clever device that lowered a black cloth description. Suddenly Gellatly sat up over its license plate each time it drove and sped away, leading to a pursuit and through an automated toll plaza. But on the use of spike strips. As his ability to Nov. 17, according to FLKeysNews.com, control the car decreased, police said, an off-duty Florida highway patrolman Gellatly opened his door to flee, but forspotted the vehicle as it passed through got to put the Honda in park, so it rolled the Bird Road toll plaza and he alerted alongside him as he ran. Eventually he his fellow troopers. Sgt. Carlos Vane- tried to run in front of it, as the car hit a gas soon stopped Davis, according to the tree, a building — and Gellatly, breaking arrest report, and found a remote control one of his legs. Suspected stolen items device used to operate the license plate found in the car included a tennis racket, cover. “The actions of the defendant a Ping-Pong paddle and a Texas Instrushowed an ongoing course of conduct ments calculator, begging the question: with intent to defraud the SunPass toll Was it worth a broken leg? Visit newsoftheweird.com. system,” trooper Dennis Gallo wrote in his report. Davis was charged with organized fraud and petit theft.

Picky, picky

A referee in a Women’s Super League soccer match in Manchester City, England, stayed cool at the start of the televised game on Oct. 26 when he realized he’d forgotten his coin for the kickoff coin toss. Thinking quickly, David McNamara had the captains of the Manchester City and Reading teams play “Rock, Paper, Scissors” instead. But the Football Association, soccer’s governing body in England, was unamused, and on Nov. 26, McNamara began a 21-day suspension after accepting a charge of “not acting in the best interests of the game,” according to the BBC. An FA refereeing manager said: “He should have been more prepared. ... It’s very unprofessional.”

What is fame?

Former Toronto Blue Jays star Jose Bautista has another honor to add to his resume, thanks to entomologist Bob Anderson of the Canadian Museum of Nature. On Nov. 22, reported the Associated Press, Anderson named a newly discovered species of beetle after the star third baseman and right fielder. Sicoderus bautistai is a small black weevil found in the Dominican Republic, where Bautista hails from. “I thought what a great way to kind of recognize (Bautista’s) contributions to Blue Jays baseball and to Canadian baseball, really, as a

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