The Student Newspaper of Seattle Preparatory School
The Seattle Prep Panther April 1, 1738
www.seapreppanther.org
Volume 73 No. 6
Twitter: @seaperppanther Instagram: @seaperppanthers
UNITED NATIONS CANCELED A
Kellen Carr ‘20 Staff Writer
tradition is now coming to a close at Seattle Prep. This would have been the 125th annual sophomore Model United Nations, but the administration has decided that Model UN is no longer necessary and will be canceled in 2018 and for all future years. Yes, sophomores will not have UN next year. Instead students will embark on a week long trip to New York City to witness the United Nations at work. “Visiting New York is a much better experience for the students,” Ms. Healy said. “Model UN is just not really needed.
No one talks face to face anymore. Everything has to do with technology in the real world, and that’s what we are trying to prepare the kids for now.” Students no longer need to slave away for hours, and their presentation skills are now irrelevant in a world where a simple YouTube video or TED Talk will suffice. Health is a component as well. According to administration, “Students are losing too much sleep, and the stress levels are too high because it is such a big project. We want the students to have a good expe-
rience and we feel that UN stresses them too much. It takes too much of the high school experience away.” This is the consensus opinion around UN for most teachers now. Students are ecstatic about the news. “I think this is one of the best decisions teachers could have made,” said Riley Lynch ‘20. “It saves me a lot of sleep and allows me to bond more with my classmates. It will be an awesome experience to go to NYC.” The freshman feel the burden lifted off them too.
“Visiting New York is a much better experience for students.” -Ms. Healy
“It will allow me to focus more on my extracurriculars and be much less stressed, when it comes to be that time in a year from now,” said Kyle Carlesimo ‘21. “I was thinking about transferring sophomore year because the PWOP was so stressful with all the research we had to do, and I didn’t know if I could handle UN.” UN being canceled has marked the beginning of the era in which the Prep administration finally listens to what the students need instead of insisting that teenagers be better at time management. Many people enjoy this new change, and the teachers were correct once again in ending this tradition of stress and very little sleep.
What’s Your Reaction to U.N. Being Canceled?
“No way, for real? This can’t be happening. I’m on cloud nine right now!” Claire Filarski ‘21
“... [Blank face]....woah. I mean...wow...I’m hyped now” Yale Bonnet ‘21
“Shut up! Are you serious? This is literally the best thing I’ve ever heard.” Gracie Sylvia ‘21
“Well I’ll get so much more sleep.” Regan Toepel ‘21 “I’m so much less stressed.” Cameron Touw ‘21
2 APRIL 1, 2018
www.seapreppanther.org
EDITORS: OWEN HENDRICKS ‘19, JOE ROBINSON ‘20
Harrison: Because Fascists Deserve Musicals Too
Panther Staff Editors-in-Chief Annika Bjornson ‘18 Emma Cooney ‘18 Managing Editor Abby Arthur ‘19 Photo Editor Sophie Freeman ‘18 Online Editor Gabi Jeakle ‘19 Sports Editor Kellen Kavanagh ‘18 Panther Staff Cade Osterman '17 Alex-Arce Torres ‘19 Katarina Conces ‘19 Owen Hendricks ‘19 Allison Kearney ‘19 Moses Kent ‘19 Kate Leahy ‘19 Quinn Losse ‘19 Abby Malzewski ‘19 Mark McClean ‘19 Myles Nowak ‘19 Sophie Piacentini ‘19 Noah Pingul ‘19 Chloe Saharic ‘19 Lilly Thompson ‘19 Isabella Yuson ‘19 Kellen Carr ‘20 Walid Cruz-Vanegas ‘20 Lauren Day ‘20 Maddie Deasy ‘20 Danica Dytioco ‘20 Audrey Frigon ‘20 Suzanna Graham ‘20 Sophie Jurion ‘20 Milo Pepper ‘20 Joe Robinson ‘20 Grace Weiand 20 Ella Gruen ‘21 Tia Flores ‘21 Clara Malone ‘21 Tessa Zink ‘21 Freelance Staff Sofia Simon ‘20 Katie Bruce ‘21 Adviser Micah Richardson
Editorial Policy The Seattle Prep Panther is probably a journalism program which provides some people with occasionally accurate articles and media while practicing some of the components of a professional newspaper. The staff aims to create a mostly informative newspaper and website which focus on issues completely irrelevant to our high school community. To contact The Panther: Email: seapreppanther@seaprep.org Instagram: @seapreppanthers Twitter: @seapreppanther
editorials
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GABI JEAKLE ‘19 Online Editor
fter the success of “Hamilton," MacPEGOT contending and Oprah of the theatre world, Lin Manuel Miranda has decided to tap into the unsung hero of late 18th and early 19th century, William Henry Harrison. You may know Harrison as “the president who forgot to wear a coat to his inauguration and then died one month later” I was lucky enough to be invited to a press night for the show, and the experience was, to say the least, transformative. Act One; Empty stage. A dim light shines on what appears to be the coat that Harrison neglected to wear on the day of his inauguration. A gentle smoke fills the stage as the coo of Harrison's Iconic quote echoes in the background “This land is one of the fairest portions of the globe to remain in a state of nature, the haunt of a few wretched savages, when it seems destined by the Creator to give support to a large population and to be the seat of civilization?” What follows is a brief spoken word summary of Harrison’s upbringing; from his birth into a well to do rich family, to his early years luxuriating on a plantation, to the strife of his angsty privileged teenage
years. Miranda uses latin influenced rap to foil Harrison’s homogenized upbringing as a wealthy white man in the South. The first act ends with Harrison singing a ballad about the battle of Tippecanoe, and his ruthless victory over the indigenous Americans. Miranda addressed this controversy in an interview with Fresh Air last month. “Yeah, it’s awful. But it’s also raw. It’s real, ya know? He had this unearned confidence, and almost sadistic way about him, which you just don’t see in well-adjusted humans. I… I kind of can’t not tell his story” The second act is comprised almost solely of Harrison’s inauguration speech which ran approximately 78 minutes, the longest in history. It is literally just an actor reading the inaugural address for 78 minutes. Right before the curtain closes, Harrison turns to the audience, and performs a final soliloquy style R&B slow anthem chronicling his first and only 33 days in office. As it tuns out, it was a very uneventful 30 days or so, and besides a few coughs on days 5 and 17, the song is purely instrumental. On day thirty, Harrison begins contemplating his decision not to wear a coat,
and asks himself if it was worth it. The next four minutes of the song are just the blood curdling sound of Harrison’s wheezing and heaving, followed by the powerful silence of death. So, you might be asking yourself, “What’s the deal? I thought Miranda create complex stories that followed the cultural complexities of immigrants and their relationship with the treatment of ‘the other’ in the context of modern day America” Well, he does. But what happens when you base your career on striving to achieve interracial equality and understanding? You become boring and predictable. “It’s all about keeping it fresh” Said Miranda. “You can’t give them the same thing twice.” So what’s the opposite of telling a story about immigrant founding fathers and the importance of they're worldly point of view on American culture featuring a cast almost entirely composed of people of color? Harrison: The short lived story of the mediocre racist commander in chief; featuring an entirely white cast. “Yeah, it’s unexpected, but so was he. Harrison was different. He always left people guessing, and questioning his motives. We’ll never know why he didn't where a coat, but maybe we weren’t meant to.”
The Importance of Following Through
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EMMA COONEY ‘18 Editor-in-Chief
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Mission Statement We in no way support fake news. Any rumors about that you have heard are total lies, okay. My ex has been spreading those rumors about me. We do not endorse fake news in any way. But that’s not to say we don’t like news. We love real news. Everybody says so--all the fake media outlets are reporting it. We support everyone. Except fake news.
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“Sea zril saperet id, impetus vel no, cu nec.” Case mollis inimicus cu sit, euismod invidunt periculis ea est, ex reque dicat facilis nam. Eum legere everti lobortis ei, an nam ullum audire veritus. Te omnes mediocrem laboramus est. Sea zril saperet id. Euismod delenit nusquam quo ei, an eum etiam recusabo dissentiet. Magna impetus vel no, cu nec tractatos disputando, nec quis nibh inani te. Mea nominavi ocurreret eu, no veritus percipitur pri, quo in ferri mnesarchum. Aeque tantas argumentum cu nec. Denique democritum ea quo. Eos decore ancillae et, ne ius nostrud omittam gubergren. Eu vel invidunt adipisci, admodum interesset ea vel, pri docendi tibique at. Cum erat oportere scriptorem ei. Veri accommodare ne vix, et consul iriure pertinax pro. Cum quot convenire an. Nam ut sint utinam corrumpit. Ius ad reque mentitum consequuntur. An veniam delenit sit,
vis an inani nusquam, at duis nullam mel. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, ullum corpora ei mel. Nec ne rebum partiendo, reque complectitur an pri. Ius eu solum mandamus, movet consulatu et eam. Per at saepe nostrum theophrastus. Constituam concludaturque ne sea, et vero intellegat pri, invidunt abhorreant ius id. Id pro lorem ubique assueverit. Rebum ludus discere ei qui, ocurreret adversarium at his. Doming salutandi aliquando vim ne. Insolens temporibus mei ea. Et dolor saepe accusamus pri, nonumy corrumpit has ut, ex sed errem dissentiet disputationi. Affert senserit comprehensam in mea. Nam homero putent nemore in, id quo alia explicari splendide, per eu amet aliquam salutatus. Enim nonumy ullamcorper ex qui, sit dicant electram eu. Eos te probatus tacimates similique. Vivendum cotidieque suscipiantur eu per, no nulla tempor percipitur mea, duis perpetua nec ne. Ut tibique delicata mel. No per mediocrem partiendo conceptam, ex possim fierent fastidii mei. Id sea assum mucius nostrud, eos no quis falli erant. Affert dolorem elaboraret vim eu, te cum reque nullam luptatum. Vix et putent perfecto accusamus, pri et ferri volumus. Pri ea quot audire, appetere eloquentiam appellantur at per. Euripidis expetendis vel id. Esse volumus et est. Ut modus error mnesarchum sed, cu ferri animal his, usu ignota dicunt deserunt ex. Id sea assum mucius nostrud, eos no quis falli erant. Affert dolorem elaboraret vim eu, te cum reque nullam luptatum. Vix et putent perfecto accusamus, pri et ferri volumus. Constituam concludaturque ne sea, et vero intellegat pri, invidunt abhorreant ius id. Pri ea quot audire, appetere eloquentiam appellantur at per. Euripidis expetendis vel id. Esse volumus et est. Ut modus error mnesarchum sed, cu ferri animal his, usu ignota dicunt deserunt ex. Partem fabulas maiestatis ea per, id aliquam percipit sit. Solum docendi ex vis. At vero nostro vix, vis ei dicit libris recusabo. Quo alia comprehensam at.
e f i l p e pr
3 APRIL 1, 2018
www.seapreppanther.org
EDITOR: GRACE WEIAND ‘20
Murphy Forgets Sig Fig, Pays Significant Price
KATE LEAHY ‘19 Staff Writer
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hat are two words that refer to every chemistry student’s favorite method of rounding numbers? Significant figures, otherwise known as Sig Figs! Based on a series of rules, this fundamental of chemistry tells a chemist how many numerical digits to write in a measurement. Honors and AP Chemistry teacher Mrs. Murphy works hard to make sure her
students understand this concept, but sometimes these sig figs can be confusing to students and even to the best of chemists. On Saturday, March 10th 2018, Murphy was prepared to take the 2018 Chemistry Teachers of Washington Reassessment Test. This test not only shows teachers their current mastery of the subject they teach but can also determine whether they will receive re-certification credits to continue their profession as a chemistry teacher in the state. Confident in her knowledge of the field and supported by her students, Mrs.
Murphy said “I felt more prepared than ever and can’t imagine anything that would throw me off. I was ready to get’er done!” However, when she opened her email with the results of the test just a few weeks later, she was astounded. On question 26, part C., Murphy had forgotten a sig fig. Not only would this slight mistake throw off her answers for this problem, but it would affect the rest of her entire test. “I couldn’t believe it” said Murphy. This costly mistake not only surprised Mrs. Murphy but forced her to retake the assessment.
Murphy said that “luckily, my calculations and work on the rest of the test scored high enough for the testing Board of Directors to let me make up the test despite my one simple mistake.” Going forward, Mrs. Murphy has vowed to always triple check her work, and her sig figs, to avoid any further mistakes like this that could affect her teaching career. She said that “I hope that this error stays in my past. Who would have thought that these darn sig figs would almost put me out of a job!”
is used to, and The Panther has taken the initiative to do some investigating. When asked about his recent transformation, Peterhans replied, “It all started a few weeks back after a hard day. I had just received my most recent car tab increases and my property tax statement, and then was stuck in traffic for six and a half hours due to protestors in the streets. Then when I got home, my normal spot on the street was taken up by two homeless RV campers that had moved in. Syringes littered the ground. I decided promptly that I was done with my liberalist fever dreams.” Further evidence lies in the recent class discussions, which have been on such things as giving tax breaks to property owners and ending Obamacare. Peterhans has also assigned proj-
ects based around the homelessness issues in Seattle and has encouraged solutions that involve rounding up the homeless people and giving them a one-way ticket to San Francisco. Even the usual beginningof-class meditation has been done away with, as the teacher decided that, “Liberals think that if we just throw money at the homeless and meditate on the bad stuff our country did 200 years ago, things will get better! I’ve been doing that for 50 years and not a thing has changed! It’s high time that I and the democratic soyboys to my left learned a thing called hard work and respect.” Students were also concerned when Peterhans got upset over Pope Francis’ environmental encyclical, Laudato Si, in the middle of class.
Said a distressed William King ‘18, “He was rambling about how climate change is just liberal propaganda, a government scheme to get more money from taxpayers and redistribute wealth.” Seniors in the Ecology, Economics, and Ethics seminar also experienced abnormal behavior when Peterhans did not rant about the environment at all in the entire class period. When asked why he traded his Prius for a high-emissions Ford, he merely waved an American flag in the air and set off fireworks. Since the discovery of Peterhans’ political views, hearsay has suggested that he is tapped to be the new Secretary of Education by President Trump. Though the change is sudden and confusing, one thing is clear: Peterhans is making America great again, and he is taking Prep along for the ride. “I used to worry about yesterday’s social injustices and tomorrow’s environmental problems, but now I just focus on the present, and life is good.”
Now, is his time to shine as Youtube’s U.S. History Crash Course invites Craig Arthur to the staff. Arthur is looking forward to his future career and stated, “I think this will really increase my Facebook friends and make me more popular among the Seattle Prep Staff.” Although John Green, the current host of the show, is not having it. He is “livid that a commoner would be able to take my place.” Green says said he will do whatever it takes to destroy Arthur and that money is no object since YouTube really does pay the bills. Arthur is waiting in anticipation to begin his new career and believes that his
past of being an ESPN anchor will really help him out. Although he recognizes this channel is dedicated to American history, Arthur is hoping to take the channel in an alternative direction. He loves pop-culture and following the lives of the Kardashian/Jenner clan and even is considering a creating a bracket to determine who will have a baby next and what city or object it will be named after. Alongside the pop-culture updates, reports can confirm that a life-style vlog will also make a weekly appearance. The vlog will focus on the daily life of Arthur and document everything from his daily
hot yoga sessions to afternoons spent at the Pressed Juicery. To add even more spice to the channel, Arthur will throw in a surprise guest every week. Rumors have surfaced that Desmond Richardson and Mike Durand may be joining Arthur for a lunch date next week, but nothing has been put into their planners yet. Faculty, staff, and students alike will miss the astute history teacher but look forward to seeing him on the big screen (the projector in the Collegio classrooms). From rags to riches, teacher to vlogger, be on the look out for Craig Arthur, star on the rise.
Peterhans Abandons Social Justice for Tax Breaks
ANNIKA BJORNSON ‘18 Editor-in-Chief
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unior theology students were shocked on the morning of Wednesday, March 7th when Mr. Peterhans ended class saying, “have a safe, sober weekend...and don’t forget to support the free market capitalistic patriarchal society!” Suspicions were confirmed when senior Sam Hoyt spotted a Trump 2020 sticker on the back of Peterhans’ new red Ford F-150. The verdict: Peterhans has turned conservative. It is uncertain as to when the theology teacher put away his kombucha tea and rainbow flag, but he has not been the same ever since. The last few weeks’ lectures have been full of rants against CNN news, “building up walls” comments, and support for American citizens’ rights to bear arms. In fact, rumors have been going around about Peterhans’ post-retirement plans to move to Texas. This person is quite different from the liberal lecturer that the Prep community
“He was rambling about how climate change is just liberal propaganda...” -William King ‘18
Craig Arthur: Star on the Rise
ABBY ARTHUR ‘19 Managing Editor
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eloved history teacher, Craig Arthur, touches the hearts of many students, and will soon help many, many
more. Arthur has been a Collegio teacher since 1891 (they year he single-handedly founded Seattle Prep). The past few years he has tried to find a real job and has tried different hobbies such as knitting and rapping; however, neither quite hit the spot. He could not go on a world rapping tour with Snoop Dogg and was not welcomed into the knitting community.
Niggemeyer to Retire, Pursue Country Music Stardom
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MILO PEPPER ‘20 Staff Writer
ong time biology teacher, Mr. Niggemeyer, has recently announced his departure from Seattle Prep. For decades, Niggemeyer has fantasized about dropping everything, moving to Oklahoma and starting a country band. The famous science teacher is now known as “Buck Niggemeyer.” The link to Buck’s soundcloud is currently unavailable, however new information has been leaked detailing his new album, “Chloroplasts and the Country.” As of now, the most streamed songs in America are “Sweet Home Evolution”, “Ring of Guard Cells” and “I Walk the Membrane”; all courtesy of Buck. When asked about the significance of his new album title, Buck said, “One thing you Prep folks have to get into your noggins is the fact that Niggemeyer is not here anymore. This album signifies the new
me, the new Buck.” In order to truly experience the living conditions of an ecosystem, Buck sold next to everything he previously owned to move into the Oklahoma backcountry. He now can compose music in the peace of nature and experience the beauty of biotic and abiotic relationships. “I look to Johnny Cash as a huge role model” remarked Buck. “We both have a whole bunch of siblings and are incredibly talented with a guitar. Listening to Johnny taught me how to sing from the soul.” According to the most recent reports, Buck has been seen wearing jean shorts, a tank top and an oversized cowboy hat. “Look good, sing better” Buck justifies. Though the former science teacher is leaving Prep, he is still emotional about the big change. “Biology will always play a huge role in my life”, said Buck. “Whether my favorite subject appears in my songs or not, it will always have a special place in my heart.”
Photo: Alex-Arce-Torres
prep life
4 April 1, 2018
www.seapreppanther.org
EDITOR: DANICA DYTIOCO ‘20
Collegio Cancelled Amidst Concerns for Students, Teachers TESSA ZINK ‘21 Staff Writer
“W
ait, what’s CUH-LAYYYGEO?” These are the famous words every Prep student has heard at least once during their Seattle Prep career. Worry no more, as you will never hear that sentence again. Seattle Prep has decided to remove Collegio from the curriculum. The classes are too large, the teachers feel that with more people in each class students are distracted easier, more overwhelmed, and have less of an understanding of the material. The administration have decided that switching to a more traditional schedule will solve these problems. The new schedule will consist of alternating between English and History every other day like a typical class. “We always say that Collegio is the one thing that makes Prep the most unique, but quite honestly it’s just a pain” said Mr. McCarthy.
Collegio teachers are constantly having to do more. “I am constantly having to prepare for more students, grade more papers, give more JUG, it’s extremely draining and tiring” added McCarthy. Not to mention bigger class sizes means more kids in each class. “Its hard to have a class of 20 freshmen, but 50? I couldn’t imagine it,” says Mrs. Dold. Having roughly 50 people in each class can cause serious anxiety in students. “I’m terrified to say anything in class, I mean there is one-fourth of my whole grade in that class. What if I mess up?” said Maya Ghali ’20. “I feel like all the stress has been lifted off my shoulders and I can finally breathe,” said Georgia Stolpman ’21 after being told that she will no longer have to attend Collegio class. Students and teachers alike are rejoicing over the fact that they don’t have to worry about Collegio anymore. Seattle Prep is finally free of the 90-minute class that creates stress every
day.
Photo: Tessa Zink Xavier Collegio is saddened by the recent news of the cancellation of Collegio. Collegio was cancelled amidst concerns for student and faculty stress.
Prep Re-Adopts iPad After Trial of Microsoft Surface AUDREY FRIGON ‘20 Staff Writer
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fter almost a year with the Surfaces, Seattle Prep has decided to return to iPads. Despite the Surfaces being specialized for work, iPads were more wellreceived by the Prep community and have been missed over the past year. Prep students and teachers alike have complained about the inconvenience and constant issues created by the Surfaces. Technology specialist, Nate Barmore complained of being flooded with issues that he continuously needs to fix. He says, “easier access to Microsoft Word is not worth the hours I spend fixing Surfaces”. Mr. Stearns has been hounded with complaints and says the Surfaces have been “unreliable and create more issues than solutions.” He has received so much criticism and objection to the Surfaces from parents and students alike that he feels he has no option but to make the switch. Prep students are rejoicing at the news. Lilian Brendlinger ’20 said, “I’m super happy about switching back to iPads,
I can finally go on snapchat during school again”. Brendlinger said she often struggles with the Surface, especially with Microsoft Word because of its continuous deletion of her work and is “genuinely sick of the problems with Surface.” Some students are more blunt with their dislike of the Surfaces. Maeve Conaty ’20 commented, “I do not like the surfaces at all, they do not work, I hate them.” Conaty added that the Surfaces were very annoying especially since they had the ability to restrict and monitor what students were doing with the use of apps like ClassPolicy. Thomas Bucker ’19 misses some features of the iPad that the Surface does not have. He said, “I don’t like how we can’t play games”. Freshmen, like Jake Sype ’21, are confused with the change because Surfaces are all they have known at their time at Prep but are open to the switch. Sype said, “I have never had an iPad, but I think it would be cool.” However, he does have concerns about how difficult it may be to type on the iPad. The students and faculty of Seattle Prep are excited for the shift back to the iPad and can’t wait to say sayonara to their Surfaces.
Photo: Sophie Freeman Finishing touches are completed on the new Teacher Terrace. The terrace is open now, but only for teachers and will feature flat screen TVs, more comfortable seating, and fire pits.
New Teacher Terrace Replaces Outdated 1891 Terrace TIA FLORES ‘21
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Staff Writer
recent executive decision by Mr. Hickey declared that the newly built terrace in AMH is strictly a lounge for teachers only. Mr. Hickey said, “The terrace must be reserved for just the faculty. Our teachers yearn for the divine and the terrace allows them to reach toward the heavens. Think Michelangelo’s image on the Sistine Chapel. Oh, and it’s a good place for them to eat lunch too. “ The newly renovated terrace on the sixth floor of AMH, which replaced the old 1891 Terrace, was finished late last year. Many teachers had ecstatic reactions when they were told this news. Ms. Borgen said, “I’m so excited to abandon the library to the students, let it go wild, and go spend some time upstairs
with my colleagues!” Mr. Bond said, “We’ve earned it.” According to Mr. Hickey, the new space, once opened, will have comfortable seating, flat screen TVs, and a chiller for beverages. When winter time rolls around, there will be a temporary roof added. There will also be burners to roast marshmallows for special occasions. In addition to the new amenities, there will be a new hand scanner installed. This will be the security identification mean to open the door to get into the terrace. The entrances will have security cameras posted everywhere to enforce security. If students attempt to get in, Mr. Chism says, “That’s automatically 52 hours of JUG. So don’t even try.” In all, the faculty deserves it more than anyone. Students have the entire campus; why can’t the they simply have the terrace for themselves?
“We’ve earned it.” -Mr. Bond
Photo: Audrey Frigon Sophomore Christian Krueger happily sitting with his iPad is delighted with the switch back to IPads. Prep decided to return to the Apple iPad after a one semester trial of the Microsoft Surface.
e f i l p e pr
5 APRIL 1, 2018
EDITOR: SUZANNA GRAHAM ‘20
Mystery Surrounds Anderson’s Bald Look JOE ROBINSON ‘20 Staff Writer
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ric Anderson ’18 is known across campus for a number of things. Whether it be for his title of ASB Vice-President, for his rock-hard guitar riffs, or for his bestselling section of The Panther, “Ask Eric”, there is always something any Prep community member can identify Anderson with. But the most prominent and most defining feature of Anderson is his long, vivacious locks. Because of this, there is no surprise that Prep parents, students, and faculty alike were shocked to enter the school and discover our own vice president, Anderson, to be bald! Anderson, in a twisted act of some unknown malintent, had shaved off all his hair the night prior. Many remember little about when Anderson first walked through the halls of McDonnell with his head in all its naked glory, only flashes of screams, panic, and absolute pandemonium. Ms. Dotsey was even spotted clutching her chest and falling back at the sight. For the remainder of the day, students were left to wail, moan, silently weep, as well as to ponder the simple yet deeply profound question of “why?”. The Prep community very soon after was lit with a flurry of theories and speculations as to why Anderson followed through with the horrifying act of unspeakable audacity. Some found themselves with horrid shock and deep grief, such as Cameron Osterman ‘21, “I was just about to get a lock of his hair so I could see just how he maintained such perfect curls, I just don’t understand why.”
www.seapreppanther.org
Seniors Continue to Break Olympic Week Records NOAH PINGUL ‘19 Staff Writer
D A “before” and “after” comparison of Anderson’s luscious locks, and lack thereof. Anderson recently shaved his head for mysterious reasons. Milay Haskin ‘20 added, “When I first found out, my vision went blurry and I felt as though I might’ve blacked out. I ran out of the building as fast as I could, went home and cried for hours. I’m still not fully over the chop, but maybe a wig will help?” In an attempt to solve the burning question, Erin O’Driscoll ‘18 stated, “He totally did this to emulate Engel’s style. I think it’s a new trend!” While it still lies unclear as to the vile, quite obviously satanic force that forced Anderson to sacrifice his beautiful
twirls and strands of perfection, we know one thing, which is that those hairs are gone, and we as a community must stand in solidarity to overcome together. We will have an impromptu liturgy mass mourning the loss as well as on-site counseling for any person still bereaved. Eric Anderson’s hair, we say goodbye, and you will be missed. Anderson has yet to comment on the matter.
uring the Olympic Week Closing Ceremonies, the senior class did something that no other senior class has done before. They were the first class to read an entire copy of the Seattle Prep Panther from cover to cover. In keeping with the senior year tradition, the senior class pulled out the most recent copy of the Seattle Prep Panther and began to read the Panther article by article, page by page for every event, at the Olympic Week Finals Assembly, they did not participate in. Due to the fact this senior class was in so few Olympic Week events they had ample time to finish this edition of the paper. The seniors were surprisingly only in five of the ten finals events, and even more staggering was that there were only two events that the seniors won legitimately during both Opening and Closing Ceremonies. Despite all of the controversy surrounding this Seniors classes’ Olympic Week “Victory” they left no doubt about their ability to read a newspaper.
Polos, Cuffed Jeans, Top Teacher Fashion Trends LILLY THOMPSON ‘19 Staff Writer
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pring 2018 is proving to be a groundbreaking season for fashion on and off the Seattle Prep campus. The days over 60 degrees signal the beginning of the warm(ish) season in Seattle. The heavy puffer coats are gone and white jeans and sandals are back. Unexpectedly, many teachers are leading the way in terms of new trends this year. With the new warm weather, button downs without ties are frequently seen gracing the halls of Prep, and some female teachers are even beginning to discard the cardigans on top of their knee-length dresses. Unsurprisingly, there are several fashion icons that are leading the pack in terms of style. Paul Peterhans, aspiring social media influencer (and theology teacher), has brought back the iconic combination of cuffed jeans and skullcap. When asked where he finds fashion inspiration Peterhans said, “The vogue instagram account- I love that app.” Students have even begun emulating teachers’ looks; the rise of the polo shirt and accompanying mug can only be attributed to one fashion forward soccer coachMr. Hendricks. The history teacher can frequently be found lurking on soccer conspiracy sites and shouting “injury time” at random students. “Fashion is a social construct” he says, “but I can’t deny that polos are the perfect addition to any outfit.” It’s not just menswear enthusiasts either, female teachers are also serving up some iconic looks. Particularly Senora Na-
varro, often dubbed the Spanish Anna Wintour, has provided some inspiration for students looking to add a little Spanish flair to their outfits. “She always looks like the stylist from the Incredibles- but in a good way” says one of her students. Wherever you choose to find inspiration from this season, make sure you consider Prep’s faculty and staff.
A scullcap looks good on anyone, whether you are a freshmen, or a faculty member.
Polo shirts scream “I love historical treaties!” but are also versatile additions to any wardrobe.
Accessories are key to a complete outfit. Mr. Hendricks recommends “at minimum, two coffee cups.”
When buying jeans, purchase them at least six inches longer than you need. This will give you plenty of materials to work with when cuffing them.
prep life
6 APRIL 1, 2018
www.seapreppanther.org
EDITOR: TIA FLORES ‘21
Calogero Ford: Two Feet Off the Ground, Living the High Life LAUREN DAY ‘20 ALLISON KEARNEY ‘19 Staff Writers
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o far, life for Calogero Ford has been a breeze. He spends his days relaxing in the cockpit of his family’s boat, eating more cheddar bunnies than he could dream of and basically using the world as his runway since his mom will not stop taking photos of him. To any outsider it seems as though Calogero is living the high life so The Panther decided to find some insight into the life of Calogero Ford. Q: How is life so far? A: I’m not going to lie, life is awesome! I mean I don’t have to lift a finger everything is done for me. Do you feed yourself? Well, I don’t and I don’t ever plan on starting, but I do like spoons a lot so maybe
I will use a spoon. Also, people always tell me how cute I am. I am flattered, but at the same time I don’t really see it myself. Then again, the only mirror I have every looked in is this toy one in the back of one of my favorite book and it kind of just distorts my face, so maybe they are right. Q: Do you like living on a boat? A: Of course I do. I mean most people think that I wouldn’t because there is not enough space to move around, but whoever says that has obviously not felt the cool sea breeze blow through their luscious brown locks. I can play in the cockpit, in my cabin, on the bow of the boat, on the docks, around the marina and I can sail all around Puget Sound. I have more room that I need. Q: Will you go to Prep someday? A: Probably. I kind of am a gowith-the-flow type of person and I am not even thinking about kindergarten so high
school doesn’t even cross my mind. Of course, I do visit a lot. My favorite visit this year was definitely Halloween. I was dressed as a parrot and Mom was dressed as a pirate. If there was a contest we would have won. The only thing that made me sad is all I wanted was some Halloween candy, but no, I was too young to have candy Mom said. I know she reads all those parenting books about feed your kids this and don’t feed them that, but come on Mom it was Halloween! I only wanted a nibble of the limited time only, Halloween themed, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Wow, I am sorry I got a little heated there. I just need my binky for a second to calm down. Q: What do you do in your free time? A: I think the question should be more like what do I not do in my free time. I have a crammed schedule. My day begins before the sun is even ready to wake
up. At around 5:30 AM I am ready to start my day with a light breakfast. Usually some Cheerios or apple sauce are my go-to but if I am feeling adventurous Mom may throw in some vegetables. Next, I grind for a solid couple of hours doing various activities. Sometimes I crawl back and forth for hours on end or stare at one toy for what seems like an eternity. Then after a hearty lunch I conk out for at least an hour and a half. When I wake up I am well rested and ready to take on the rest day. If I am lucky I can go to lacrosse practice with Mom and yell out plays at the girls. They think that I am a little aggressive, but I just call it constructive criticism. Finally, I head home for a nice dinner with the parents, take a bath and pass out from the hard day’s work.
Mr. Rosato Joins Pulse, Will Perform at Spring Assembly
CLARA MALONE ‘21 & ELLA GRUEN ‘21 Staff Writers
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eattle Prep’s talented hip hop dance team, Pulse, welcomed their newest member just last week. His name: Dominic Rosato. Mr. Rosato has been working hard this past week and was able to learn all the choreography in time for the spring assembly where Pulse will be showing off their moves. “I was inspired by a final jeopardy question to join Pulse. This question asked, ‘This style of dance is most popular among high school math teachers.’ The correct answer was, ‘What is hip hop?’ I decided to join Pulse after learning this because I don’t enjoy getting a final Jeopardy question wrong. This way I can also connect with my students and get to know the spirit of Pulse.” Rosato then explained his background in dance. “Growing up, I always wanted to take lessons, but I was always too busy with chess club and watching Jeopardy. I’m so glad I have a second chance to chase my dream of being a professional dancer.” Rosato reflected on how joining Pulse has changed his life. “Before joining Pulse, my life was a stressful blur of grading homework, going to faculty meetings, and never having time to fulfill my passion of dance. Joining this influential team of talents has helped me clear my head and to
Mr. Rosato, Prep math teacher, dances his heart out while performing during school assemblies. Rosato recently joined Pulse in order to fulfill his passion for dance. show me what’s truly important in life: hap- to sacrifice all homework from his classes. ing what I’ve always wanted to do--dance. “Many people didn’t believe me when I first Now I’m spending time on my interests.” piness.” Contrary to what people might said I was cancelling homework. Before claims Rosato. “Joining Pulse filled a hole in my think, joining Pulse wasn’t so easy for Ro- joining Pulse, students thought of me just as sato to do. He remembers his recent switch a teacher. But as I was flipping though an life that no amount of quadratic formulas from grading homework to dancing in a fond old yearbook a few weeks ago, I realized I could fix.” way, despite the hardships he went through could switch out grading homework for do-
Freshmen Prom Arrives Three Years Early
SOPHIE FREEMAN ‘18 Photo Editor
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ince there are only two formal dances available to underclassmen, the freshmen have asked for there to be another one in the spring. After much deliberation, Mr. Hickey, Mr. Stearns, and Mr. Kelly have decided to add Freshman Prom. Considering the number of hours the faculty/staff spend supervising the dances, the seniors have been chosen to chaperone Freshman Prom! “We’re very excited to be announcing Freshman Prom. As a community, we feel it’s fair to give the underclassmen one more dance…,” Mr. Stearns shared. Junior/Senior Prom is a special event that is hosted at unique places like the space needle, the aquarium, or the Seattle Art Museum. Since this is reserved for upperclassmen, Freshman Prom will be held in
the Seattle Prep gym. The seniors will also be responsible for decorations, food, and entertainment. Mr. Kelly explained, “The seniors are required to participate. As leaders of the Seattle Prep community, it is their duty to make the freshmen feel welcomed and comfortable.” The seniors have been busily planning the dance since February. For an exciting change, they thought it would fun to have a live band instead of a DJ. The live band that will be playing is Pearl Jam. They are a local band in Seattle and have generously agreed to play all night. The seniors are thrilled, especially
Mia Bilick ’18 who shared, “I think having a live band will emphasize how Freshman Prom is special and different from the other dances offered at Seattle Prep. We don’t even get to have a live band play at Senior Prom.” In addition to a live band, the senior chaperones have teamed up with ASB to ensure there are games set up around campus. Activities will include a bean bag toss, board games, and musical chairs. All of these have been dubbed “Freshmen friendly” by Mr. Stearns! Each senior will be responsible for either managing activities or walking around the gym to make sure freshmen are behaving. Some seniors are reticent
“As a community, we feel it’s fair to give the underclassmen one more dance...” -Mr. Stearns
about chaperoning on their weekend off, but JUG will be given if they do not show up. “I know this will be an important event for the freshmen, but I would really prefer to stay home. What motivates me to go is not getting JUG,” shared Annie Bentley ’18. The freshmen, however, are very excited for this new-found tradition because Seattle Prep will be the first high school to add Freshman Prom. They have all expressed endless amounts of enthusiasm whenever the dance is brought up. Freshman Prom will take place on Saturday, April 14 in the Seattle Prep gym. The theme has not been announced yet so keep an eye out at school for posters. The seniors hope to see all the freshmen there!
s t r o p s
7 APRIL 1, 2018
www.seapreppanther.org
EDITORS: ELLA GRUEN ‘21 & CLARA MALONE‘21
Intramural Basketball to Hendricks Switches Compete in State Allegiance to Tottenham Tournament KELLEN KAVANAGH ‘18 MARK MCCLEAN ‘19 Staff Writer
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fter much consideration, the WIAA has chosen one intramural team from Seattle Prep to compete in its Intramural State Tournament. The State tournament is in its inaugural season, and features 56 of the meanest intramural teams in the state. The Prep intramural representatives for the tournament will be Vanilla Thunder, a veritable allstar team of intramural talent. This tournament came about after the WIAA saw record audiences at the intramural games, usually during lunch time. The tournament games will feature the classic call your own foul method, which has brought some criticism of the possible unprofessionalism of the playoffs. There is no word yet on whether or not Seattle Prep Intramural Coordinator Mr. Mack will be controversially reffing this game like he did in the act of injustice that was this year’s Seattle Prep Intramural
Championships. Junior class president Carson Stockwell described his excitement for the tournament as, “Yeah this state tournament is gonna be great bro. Anything that can distract the student body from my low approval ratings I am all for.” Other Prep students are even more excited than Stockwell, freshmen Andrew Graham said, “For sure I will be there I love basketball, and love Prep, why would I not show up? I also understand the role the crowd can play in games like this so I am bringing my whole family to really get the attendance up.” The school is considering running a rooter bus to all games as long as the Prep continues its run in the Intramural tournament. Intramural games start on April 1 at Key Arena at 740 a.m. Although it’s Easter Break, be sure to support your rightful champions Vanilla Thunder in the State Intramural Tournament.
“This state tournament is gonna be great bro” -Carson Stockwell ‘19
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Sports Editor
hen the students filed into class April 1 they were surprised to see a somber Mr. Hendricks. Normally elated at the news of a Tottenham loss, Hendricks was quiet. After a stunning defeat at the hands of Juventus in the Round of 16 of the UEFA Champions League, today would traditionally have been a day of gloating about Arsenal’s superiority over their North London neighbors, even though Arsenal themselves have a habit for Round of 16 Champions League exits. Talk of Italian unification was skipped over for the day, even though the class had assumed special mention would be made of Torino’s Serie A marauders in black and white stripes. Matt Corbin ’18 finally broke the tension by asking “Mr. Hendricks, did you see Tottenham lose? I thought you’d be happy?” This was met by a groan and the depressing proclamation of “alright, grab a half sheet of paper.” The ensuing quiz was harder than ever before, even though many students had actually completed the night’s reading assignment. When the answers were read, many students had scored the dreaded 0/5. The bonus was many students’
集团尼克的篮球生涯 包安妮
集团尼克年复一年在西雅图预科 学校打篮球，可是不要停打篮球。 明年，这个高用毕业的学生要在利 哈伊大学打篮球。“黑豹报”质疑他在 2018赛季的旅程，以及为什么他热 爱他的运动。 尼克在今年凭借出色的表现和 令人印象深刻的运动能力帮助他的 球队晋身州锦标赛。他的职业生涯 对很多同行都很有启发，尽管他对 自己的能力很谦虚。尼克说：“我今 天来到这里是因为那些包围着我并 支持我的人。” 本赛季，他场均得到 17分和11个篮板。 队友对尼克有很高的评价。教 练的儿子凯利·迪克兰说：“尼克总是 以最好的态度去练习，他首先把他 的球队放在了一起，并且努力地将 我们统一起来。” 凯利教练也乐意让 他成为球队的一员。他解释说，尼 克知道如何摆脱困境，接受篮球练 习中的快乐。 在被问及为什么他喜欢这项运动 时，西雅图预备学校的球员说他一 直对他着迷。他从三年级开始就一 直在打篮球，并选择去这所学校进 行优秀的篮球项目。尼克解释说， 他喜欢听到网络的哗哗声，并在球 场上驰骋。快感总是让他继续努力 工作，即使他的做法有挑战性。 尼克期待明年在利哈伊大学开 始他的篮球生涯。他希望结交很多 新朋友，获得很多积分，并使他的 西雅图预科学校社区感到自豪。他 要感谢所有支持他旅程的老师，学 生和家人。有一天在电视上注意他 的名字！
hope. The question was an apparent softball: “what is my favorite soccer team?” Arsenal was penned on students’ papers all across the room. Ryan Aust ’18 had jokingly penned “Tottenham.” Then, Hendricks’ voice broke the still air: “Spurs.” Jaws dropped. Tables flipped. Students fainted. Glass shattered. It was as if the earth had been flipped on its axis. Aust, triumphant with his 1/5, boasted of his score in the face of Matt Corbin ’18, who was among the shocked. On this day, a rarity with full attendance, the life of every student in AP Euro was flipped upside down. Said Corbin, ’18 “I thought the greatest day of my life was when I was named Freshman Basketball scorekeeper. But now, after today, that pales in comparison.” It really is a polarizing switch for Hendricks, who many knew to root on the Gunners of Arsenal. For him to truly be a fan of their arch rivals is something of an alternate history where Burgundy doesn’t die with Charles the Bold. Aust ’18 paralleled Hendricks’ words, proclaiming “we got a new set of history today.” While student reactions are fabulous, the only quote that really matters was from Mr. Hendricks himself after class when asked for comment. He simply added “come on you Spurs.”
Recent Sports Scores Girls Lacrosse Seattle Prep 21 Hogwarts 8
Boys Lacrosse Seattle Prep 14 Williamsburg Yeshiva 10 Curling Seattle Prep 8 Vancouver Prep 3 Quidditch Seattle Prep 3 Durmstrang Institute 1 Caber Toss Seattle Prep 7 Craigclowin School 1 Underwater Hockey Seattle Prep 5 Atlantis Country Day 4 Toe Wrestling Seattle Prep 1 Footbridge Academy 0 Musical Canine Freestyle S’Mores 3 Lassie 1
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8 APRIL 1, 2018
www.seapreppanther.org
EDITORS: QUINN LOSSE ‘19, KATE LEAHY ‘19
Kent Gives Up Cartooning: Takes Up Knitting MOSES KENT ‘19 FORMER STAFF CARTOONIST
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fter a recent tear-jerking victory at the WJEA Editorial Cartooning competition, Moses Kent ‘19, former cartoonist of The Panther, recognized that his artistic abilities have peaked and promptly ended his cartooning career. Kent has decided to take his talents to the knitting community. Although he cannot knit himself, readers of The Panther can now look forward to monthly reviews of scarves, mit-
tens, and other various woven items from the acclaimed doodler. This week, join Kent on an exciting exploration of a daring beige potholder that screams ‘spunk!’ The potholder’s standout feature is the double-back-stitched loop located in its upper left-hand corner, that seems to dare its beholders to test it out. Although the potholder is nice to look at, it also passed the Kent Heat Test (KHT) providing solid heat insulation in a variety of heat trials. Overall a strong piece, its creator should be proud. 8.5/10
Erik
Teachers’ Social Media Accounts Leaked QUINN LOSSE ‘19 AND KATE LEAHY ‘19 STAFF WRITERS
Ms. Healy
Mr. Kiehn @noodletools_is_lyfe
@flutegod12
Mr. Danielson
Señora Navarro @mememaster.d
@daddyyankeeluvr7
Mrs. Murphy
Coach Maul @sigfigqueeeen @gr8day2bapnthr
Ms. Slevin
Mr. Beyer @mrs.natehawthorne @purplepeopleeaterrr
e Ask
Each month, students submit questions about school, life, and other topics anonymously to ASB Rep Erik Anderson. Anderson answers selected questions in his own unique style. Unfortunately, Erik Anderson was not available this month to answer questions so The Panther called on legendary Viking explorer Erik the Red to fill in for Anderson in his absence. Dear Erik, The kid who sits next to me in Collegio won’t stop talking. Seriously, he babbles constantly about whatever comes into his mind—most of it is not even related to what we are talking about in class. I can’t learn with this kid next to me. This is totally normal. Things like this happen to you when you are young and old alike. It reminds me of the time when I first moved to Haukadal with my wife Thjodhild. My neighbor Valthjof got mad at me because my thralls started a landslide that ruined Valthjof’s property. In retaliation, Valthjof went and killed a bunch of my thralls. I was mad—I couldn’t believe Valthjof would do that! Let’s just say that after that things escalated quickly and before I knew it everyone in the area was involved— Eyiolf the Foul, Holmgang-Hrafn—everyone. This whole thing ended with me getting exiled to Oxney. What I learned from this little argument is that it’s best to just be direct with someone. If I had just talked it out with Valthjof to begin with, I never would have been exiled to Oxney and my setstokkr wouldn’t have been stolen. Be direct with your talkative neighbor, who knows, he could be a future best friend. Dear Erik, Summer is coming and I need to get into shape to impress people at Alki. How do I get a killer beach bod? Getting in shape is easy. You probably live in West Seattle, or Magnolia, or Ballard. These places are just too warm and full of temptations to remain focused on your fitness. They key to staying in good shape all winter is to live somewhere that is excruciatingly cold and where there is very little food to live off of. I recommend Eystribyggo up in Greenland. You know the place, it’s near that Menchies in Qaqortoq? Usually it’s really cold there in the winter, and there is nothing to eat. The first year I settled there, I brought along 25 ships of men, but only 14 made it. BUT, those dudes were seriously yoked! You should have seen the calves on Jørundur Olfsson, and Thorbjørg Gilsdottir’s lats were ridiculous! Not only did we spend all winter starving and working out, there was absolutely no temptation when it came to unhealthy food. The only food we could get was a bit of dried fish or walrus tusk. So stop playing Fortnite, and act more like you live in Greenland, rather than in Greenlake.