BABY

PEMS CONTINUED

“One of the women in my PEMS group put it the best way: With a singleton pregnancy you have two parents per new baby. In a twin pregnancy and at birth you’ve got one parent per one baby, so basically you’re outnumbered,” said Emily Oliver of West Seattle, laughing.

“I think that probably scheduling is one of the biggest differences with a twin pregnancy and birth, especially as a firsttime momma,” said Oliver, who participated in a PEMS group with her infant boy and girl twins this year. “Like, how do you breastfeed two babies? How do you leave the house with two babies? You know you can’t just strap one on and walk out the door. There’s a lot of logistics involved,” noted Elizabeth Knaster, a PEMS facilitator who lives in Maple Leaf. PEMS facilitator Lisa Dermer sees the program as an invaluable resource. Many twins and other multiples are born premature, which gives this set of new parents additional challenges. Multiple pregnancies are also automatically considered high-risk, noted Dermer, a Ballard resident. “I think what’s really hard is that our expectations as parents of multiples often really have to shift,” she said, explaining that twin moms can often have issues with breast-milk supply, too.

Twin mom Emily Hawkins of Madison Valley found PEMS very helpful this year, and raves about the Seattle Parents of Multiples resources as well, including the “preemie closet,” where members can borrow from the group’s collection of teensy clothes, which can be hard to find as well as expensive.

“It’s a really nice, supportive way of being able to dress your little babies, and do it in a way that’s economical,” explained Hawkins.

“I think it’s very important to build a village,” said coordinator and twin parent Marloes Koning, who oversees PEMS. “To connect with people, to have people that can support you, whether it be through PEPS or PEMS, as long as you reach out to people.”

“That’s very difficult for most moms — and maybe even dads as well: to reach out and ask for help.” q Learn more about PEMS at seattlemultiples.org/pems

Families of Color Seattle facilitates a group discussion for new parents in Columbia City.

Where parents of color don’t have to hold back

New parent programming expands at local nonprofit Families of Color Seattle

by CARLA BELL / photo by JOSHUA HUSTON

“For many moms of color, this is the first time they’re in an environment where other women and mothers of color are centered and regarded as an authority,”

says Christine Tang, director of programs for Families of Color Seattle, a local, women-led nonprofit organization working to create community for families impacted by systemic oppression. This is meaningful for women of color who participate and their children who observe.

FOCS (pronounced FOH-ks) offers groups for parents of newborns and waddlers, for single moms and working moms, for dads and transracial adoptees — 13 affinity groups in all. FOCS group leaders have lived experience specific to the groups they lead.

Beginning this summer, FOCS will launch several new groups: Black Moms and Parents, Children with Disabilities/ Special Needs, and Queer Trans (QTFOCS); followed by Single Moms of Color and Native Moms/Parents in the fall. These eight-week programs are funded by King County’s Best Starts for Kids, so parents and children can participate for free.

For families in need, the BSK funding will transportation costs to and from group gatherings. FOCS is building a resource toolkit to aid parents who register for the Children with Disabilities/Special Needs group.

Before joining FOCS last year, Tang was on the board of directors. Before that, she was a parent educator. But she’s always been a woman of Nigerian-Romanian descent, now a mother to multiracial boys. She’s in the unique position of having both contributed to and Focus on Healthy families benefited from the work of the organization, and its goal to support every intersection within families of color.

“We talk about nursing, weaning, childcare, and all the ‘regular’ new parent stuff. We share resource ideas and we exchange experiences,” she says, “but it’s through our lens of racial equity and cultural heritage, through our discussions about race, being in multiracial families, struggling with how to maintain while bringing up children in the U.S., and CONTINUED ON PAGE 24 >

» Parent Dispatch

Local parenting voices

by KATHERINE HOERSTER, Ph.D., M.P.H.

The letdown New parents need comprehensive care, not just lactation support

I wept with relief when my daughter was born healthy, and immediately

took to breastfeeding. I now look back with deepened compassion to my first-born son’s challenges with breastfeeding, and the emotional toll it took on me. Despite countless visits to lactation consultants, we simply were unable to make breastfeeding happen. Exhausted and defeated, it took me six weeks to switch exclusively to bottle-feeding and several more months to find emotional acceptance.

I now know countless others who’ve suffered similarly as they struggle to square their own complex experiences with common, well-intentioned “breast is best” messages. Surely, clinicians and community groups should continue providing patient-centered infant feeding care. We received valuable lactation support for a painful latch when my daughter was two weeks old, and she’s still breastfeeding nine months later. But substantially more resources should be dedicated to helping parents navigate the myriad practical and emotional challenges of raising young children.

Fittingly, when my daughter cries, my son now comes running with a combination of peek-a-boo and a container of the formula she occasionally has; after all, he’s the one who taught me formula can deliver freedom and sanity. Let’s approach postnatal care like my preschooler: with compassion, openness, joy and comprehensive care.

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» ParentDispatch

Voices from the local parenting community

by KRISTEN MILLARES YOUNG

My birth story: An abridged entry

Local mom tells the story of her son’s entrance into the world

April 2, 2014 Dear Jack, I am still healing, but I was happy to do it for you, my darling. Our first breathing event! Before, you hovered upside down in dark space, a jewel with cheeks hanging around your nose, now chin.

A week ago, I went into labor, a bank of deep waves of movement within. Perhaps for the first time, I had to surrender. The entire pregnancy doled out that knowledge, and a healthier appreciation for patience, but birthing compelled me to let go of any notion that I would control the process of your becoming, or my own.

I should not skim over so many hours laboring. I was overcome and overcame with a relentless response. I kept my head above it, relaxed into the surges. For many hours, I intoned vowels, mind benumbed to all but the most basic sounds. A – E – I – O – U. Again and again, I clung to breath and the letters of the languages I hold dear.

You were caught between my spine and a 12-centimeter fibroid tumor, a benign but pesky growth present in about one quarter of all women. There were five intramural fibroids in my uterus when you were conceived, fed by the same blood and hormones as you, even competing. I took extraordinary care of us. My doctor warned me that you could suffer from being growth-restricted due to the greed of the fibroids.

We were lucky your placenta attached away from the fibroids. So while they grew, you grew bigger — by the third trimester, she warned me you would be big enough to cause concern. As it turns out, fibroids may have been the culprits behind this laborious delay, not only for blocking your exit but also for dispersing the contractions’ force.

The journey began to stress you out. Throughout the day, the doctor had been watching your heartbeat decelerate in the wake of my contractions, a normal reaction but for the delays which grew longer as the afternoon wore on. After 24 hours of unmedicated back labor, spasms of contractions every two minutes, my doctor, doula and nurse/midwife agreed an epidural was the best way to allow my cervix to calm down and unswell.

The relief was immediate and astonishing. I was able to make eye contact. My modulated howls ceased. Your father and aunt laughed and joked and welcomed me back into the thinking world, as I had been beyond its reach.

If my description conjures a sense of hubbub and stress, I suppose that is true for everyone else. I was so focused on one thing — you! — that a complete calm enveloped me from start to finish, not only that day and night but from your conception to this echoing moment, as you breastfeed while I write in my journal.

As often happens in life, things moved quickly once we made the decision to proceed. Decelerations worsening, my cervix still clenched against your exit. Despite my birth plan, a Caesarean, a hard choice endorsed by my doctor, doula and midwife. Within 20 minutes, Brian and I were in the surgical room, soon laughing and crying because you were crying, and I was repeating “My son! My son!”

They weighed you — 9 pounds, 14.5 ounces — and placed you on my chest, skin to skin. To think that it was you all along fills me with joy and wonder and gratitude beyond my powers of description. I love you, you who are reading this, and you upon whom this journal is now resting, rising and falling with your breath.

Love, Mamá

ABOUT THE WRITER Currently serving as the Prose Writer-inResidence at Hugo House, Kristen Millares Young (kristenmyoung.com) is the author of Subduction, a novel forthcoming from Red Hen Press on April 14, 2020.

< FOCS CONTINUED FROM 22

particularly in Seattle, that FOCS is distinguished from mainstream parenting groups.”

Like Tang, Moji Obiako is a member of FOCS Newborns and Growing Families. Even before her first group participation, Obiako, a Nigerian-American mother of two — a boy, 3, and a three-month-old girl — recalls her sense of confidence about FOCS, that it would meet her needs in ways that ‘regular’ parent support groups would not.

In FOCS groups, Tang says, “parents talk about things that a mom of color in mainstream circles might feel discomfort to bring forth.” There’s a sense of having let one’s hair down: “It’s where parents of color don’t have to hold back.”

“Just being able to talk with other parents about navigating the school system and matters of race,” and other conditions that weigh heavily on families of color, “it’s been really amazing,” says Obiako.

Both mothers agree that for parents of color, “It’s a safe space.” Liberating, too.

When Obiako joined FOCS, based on the unifying factor that all were parents of color, she had already anticipated what she calls a “mom tribe” of strong support, but “what I guess I didn’t realize was just how much I would need those women” beyond the initial eight weeks when they’d all met, into the years that followed.

Parents from Obiako’s newborns group have stayed in touch through the stages of their children’s growth. The kids are all turning 3 now, and “we still take moms-only trips.” Through FOCS, she says, she’s become more disciplined about prioritizing self-care as a mother.

In addition to parent support groups, FOCS programming includes workshops, racial equity consulting, and events. Mother Wisdom and Matriarchy, QTFOCS Potluck, Families Summer Gathering I for soccer and Families Summer Gathering II for hiking are planned for May, June, July and August, respectively.

Browse the website for more information about FOCS affinity groups, the new eight-week groups coming soon, and more. q Learn more about FOCS at focseattle.org

1

May 10-11

Northwest Paddling Festival

Try out canoeing, kayaking and standup paddleboarding at Sunset Beach in Issaquah, then stay to watch races and demonstrations. Kids can try out aqua paddlers or build a toy boat.

2

May 11

Seattle Maritime Festival Family Fun Day

Learn about our city’s vibrant marine industries at the annual festival in Ballard. Join a ship or harbor tour, take part in kids’ activities, and listen to live music and storytelling.

3

May 17

Syttende Mai: 17th of May Festival

Head to Ballard for a celebration of Norwegian Constitution Day: Visit the Nordic Heritage Museum for free, enjoy entertainment with a Nordic flair at Bergen Place. Stick around for the 17th of May Parade.

4

May 18-19

University District StreetFair

The country’s longest-running street fair is back and bigger than ever with hundreds of craft, food and information booths, multiple entertainment stages, street performers, kids’ area and more.

5

May 25

The Phantom Tollbooth

What happens when a boy is who is bored enters a world of words and numbers? The tale of Milo, a dog named Tock, and a magic tollbooth is brought to life on stage by Redmond’s SecondStory Repertory.

„ For our mobile-friendly, totally searchable, frequently updated calendar go to seattleschild.com »Calendar

What’s happening around town

5/19

by JENNIFER MORTENSEN

Wednesday, May 1

SEATTLE AREA Spring Treasure Hunt. Pick up a treasure hunt map and look for and learn about plants. Find and photograph all the times on the map and win a prize. 9 am to 5 pm, all month long. FREE. Swansons Nursery, Seattle (Blue Ridge). www.swansonsnursery.com

Thursday, May 2

SEATTLE AREA

5th Ave Theatre: Northwest

Bookshelf. Take a musical journey, meet zany characters, explore the world from new points of view, and discover the rich history and cultural diversity of the Pacific Northwest. 6 to 7:15 pm. FREE. MOHAI, Seattle (South Lake Union). www.mohai.org Free First Thursdays. Most museums in Seattle are free today, and many have children’s story times and crafts. Check museum websites for event details and admission hours. Various locations. www.seattleschild.com

„ Find, share and save calendar events on the new SEATTLE’S CHILD MOBILE APP » seattleschild.com/app

Friday, May 3

SEATTLE AREA

Birthday Dreams 10th Birthday

Celebration. Help Birthday Dreams celebrate 10 years of giving more than 7,400 local homeless children the birthday parties they deserve. Carnival games, cake competition and more family fun. 11 am to 2 pm. $$-$$$. Renton Pavilion Event Center. www.birthdaydreams.org

Curiosity Days: Engineer It.

Local STEM experts lead hands-on activities that explore the way we design, develop and innovate solutions for our everyday lives. 10 am to 6 pm through Sun. $$. Pacific Science Center, Seattle (Lower Queen Anne). www.pacificsciencecenter.org The Diary of Anne Frank. Watch a sobering, true story about WWII, told through the eyes of a 13-year-old girl. Recommended for ages 9 and older.

Folklife Festival

7 pm tonight, various times through May 19. $$$. Seattle Children’s Theatre (Lower Queen Anne). www.sct.org Paint Me a Story. Preschool-aged children listen to a story and paint along. 10 am. FREE. Snapdoodle Toys, Kenmore. www.snapdoodletoys.com Taco Trivia. Celebrate Cinco de Mayo with Mexican food and fun activities including a piñata and trivia. Preregister. 6 to 7:30 pm. $. Loyal Heights