SECESSION 2.2 the Comic Sans MS issue
Send submissions, thoughts to secession09@gmail.com This is the second issue of the second volume of the Secession. It was printed November 2, 2009 at the Whitman Printing Office. This paper, unlike other paper, is not necessarily 100% recyclable, but we think the “natural” look is really quite nice. This issue was funded by the Contingency Fund of the Associated Students of Whitman College. We don’t know how we will get money for the next issue, so please savor this one. The Secession is edited by Forest Hansen, Frank Gorby, and Seraphina Smith, three enlightened individuals. The Secession is printed in the Gill Sans typeface, designed by Eric Gill in 1926.
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CONTENT//
Hot Dogs (Illustration) // Joanna Swan...............................................................................................................................................................................p.1 Mr. Mayhem: On the 6th Day (Print) // Mare Blocker.................................................................................................................................................p.2 This piece is about...design...damage...did // Andrew Hall.......................................................................................................................................p.4 Luv (Illustration) // Joanna Swan............................................................................................................................................................................................p.4 Complete activity // Jon Handwerk....................................................................................................................................................................................p.4 Everything I ever needed....learned from Lost // David Abramovitz................................................................................................................p.5 Translations...Roman poetry // Megan Bush, Sarah Godlewski, & Leah Koerper.......................................................................................p.5 Compositions for the sick // David Kanaga....................................................................................................................................................................p.5 Frogs, a Starling, and the act of killing // Jasper Follows..........................................................................................................................................p.6 Prayer (Illustration) // David Kanaga.....................................................................................................................................................................................p.6 60 word stories // Kevin Klein...............................................................................................................................................................................................p.6 Chic and cheap...nowhere nowhere // Cleo Mayng & Booty Chanterelle..................................................................................................p.7 Four short stories // Sam Chasan.......................................................................................................................................................................................p.7 Boat notes // Finn Straley.........................................................................................................................................................................................................p.7 Best friends with the bartender (Illustration) // Peter Richards..............................................................................................................................p.8 acid01(Illustration) // Iris Alden..............................................................................................................................................................................................p.10 Mechanical choir: a script // Bryan Sonderman..........................................................................................................................................................p.10 My favorite shirt...// Diana Dulek..........................................................................................................................................................................................p.11 Writing in tongues // Iris Alden.............................................................................................................................................................................................p.12 Peanust #7 // Sunny B..............................................................................................................................................................................................................p.12 Belmondo (Print) // Carly Spiering.....................................................................................................................................................................................p.13 Superlatives // The Secession................................................................................................................................................................................................p.14 Tree and Robot (Illustration) // David Abramovitz.......................................................................................................................................................p.14 Crossword // Kevin Klein.........................................................................................................................................................................................................p.15 Comic Sans Comic Sans // Sam Alden................................................................................................................................................................................p.16
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This piece is about design and the damage that I(t) did. by Andrew Hall I was recently in an antique shop in Brooklyn; like almost all antique shops, I found nothing I would even consider purchasing. I did, however, encounter a Beanie Baby for the first time in some time. It was an owl with a hat that read “Class of ‘98” named Wise, succeeded by Beanie owls Wiser and Wisest in 1999 and 2000. According to Wikipedia, Wisest had no successor, which would make sense, since by 2001 there was significantly less to be had in the business of Beanie Babies, as Mary Beth’s Bean Bag World (formerly Mary Beth’s Beanie World) ceased publication in April of that year. Ten years ago, that owl would have likely sold for a lot more than the $3 it was going for in that particular antique shop in Brooklyn. Ten years ago, the fact that that owl was taken off the market on December 31st of 1998 would have meant something.
point Tahoma, then was restricted forever to twelve-point Times New Roman, but Comic Sans got a lot out of me from the ages of eight to eleven. Around seventeen or eighteen I decided that everything printed in Comic Sans was immediately rendered untrue, invalid, or nonexistent, and this has proven difficult to deal with. Since then, I have been forced to render invalid a number of things, such as my own social security number, the first set of typed comments I received on a paper in Walla Walla, anti-abortion billboards, the last five minutes of Ponyo, and a number of mediocre-looking records made by people whom one would hope are better musicians than they are designers of their own covers. I have also had to assume responsibility for ruining the state history of Idaho as taught to me by a textbook called The Story of Idaho, various definitions from a Webster’s dictionary possibly published at some point in the late 1980s, lyrics for songs almost exclusively about drive-thrus, never recorded or made public by ten-year-olds with far more ambition than they would ever have talent, and piano
In the late 1990s, Beanie Babies were somehow serious business. Certain things about this seem kind of inexplicable, like the fact that there was a publication dedicated to them, or that there was a serious market for counterfeit Beanie Babies, or that Ty, the Beanie Babies people, somehow managed to restrict export of certain geography-specific Beanie Babies to ensure that they remained difficult to acquire elsewhere for anything less than an outlandish sum of money. Had they played their cards right, the products would have ceased to exist totally at the end of the decade, but the year 2000 saw another round of Beanie Babies and the product’s gradual fade into obscurity. Ty Warner is still worth some very large sum of money, though, so he clearly didn’t do too poorly. His lasting contribution to society, however, has to be his company’s popularizing of Comic Sans MS. Before Beanie Babies adopted the font in early 1997, I, being eight, barely paid attention to typeface and the like. However, being eight and being easily marketed to, I almost immediately reduced Comic Sans to “the Beanie Babies font” and then proceeded to use it for everything I turned in for a solid two or three years, if not longer. At some point I switched to twelve-
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performances for people in their fifties which must have never happened because the program was published in That Font. While I can’t account for anything else, I assume that all conversation about Idaho not being an actual state, or a place where things happen, is
a consequence of my having written about it in Comic Sans. The owl, then, is sitting in a shop in Brooklyn, not thinking about its own existence, since it’s inanimate and doesn’t have to worry too hard about not getting bought anytime soon. Its particular poem reads “Wise is at the head of the class / With A‛s and B‛s he‛ll always pass / He‛s got his diploma and feels really great / Meet the newest graduate: Class of ‘98!” And all I can think about is how that’s a
pretty good poem to be published exclusively in Comic Sans, and about the notion of something born on May 31, 1997 being retired, and whether or not they expected retirement to consist of selling their body for $3 in an antique shop in Brooklyn at the age of twelve. //
Complete Activity by Jon Handwerk
I was sitting on the couch with a vodka spright watching nick at night. Nadine got home around a quarter past midnight. It was halfway through the episode of I love Lucy. Lucy and Ethel were trying to keep up with the conveyor belt of passing chocolates. I asked her how her night was and she told me about little rascals trying to buy cigarettes. The owner of the place had actually encouraged her to sell to minors who looked roughly old enough. The place needed all the income it could get and it was worth the fine in the managers eyes. Most of the other girls who worked at the store would sell to minors, but Nadine thought it was wrong. “Im not going to contribute to their early deaths, thank you very much”. Thats what she told me. It upset her that she worked for a man who encouraged her to sell smokes to kids. “You could always sell vitamins,” I said. “Its funny that you say that. There was a Nickel ad wanting people to sell vitamins door to door.” “Why is that funny? I look through the Nickel Nicks for you everyday. I know how much you hate working for what’s his face,” I told her as I walked into the kitchen to fix a couple drinks. She was curled up on the couch with her blond hair splayed over the armchair. I set the drink on the table near her head. “Im always so tired after work,” she said. “Im sorry honey.” She was too tired for a drink and made her way upstairs to bed. I often miss the mood of others, fix people drinks when they aren’t in the right mood for it. It just seems like the nice thing to do. Thats what characters in
short stories are always doing. And those are about all I have time to read on my breaks at the school. I bet in other countries like France or Italy you could read a whole novel during lunch, or take a nap. Nadine does not even have time to read short stories at the convenience store, so her and I are often not on the same page. But her life is one of short stories. Like those kids who tried to buy smokes from her today. Thank God Nadine was there to save them from themselves. She saved me from myself too, or at least playing with myself. I still do it every now and then like if she’s been tired from work over a long stretch of days. But its not like smoking. On the radio the other day, John Tesch actually said its good for you. He said toxins build up in your prostate and that its healthy to have 30 orgasms a month. He makes it sound like brushing your teeth. And I suppose it kind of is. Brushing your teeth gets rid of plaque and masturbating cleanses toxins. But your dentist wont tell you to jerk it to your favorite radio station 3 minutes in the morning and 3 at night. I guess thats not his job. But John Tesch will tell you while you brush your teeth. It was time to hit the sack. Nadine was in bed. I snuggled up next to her and could tell she was too tired. I went into the bedroom bathroom and sent off a prayer to my dentist and John Tesch the anti-Pope. “This one goes out to you John Tesch” I said. //
Everything I ever needed to know, I learned from Lost by David Abramovitz
1. Build a community with the people around you. If we can’t live together, we’re going to die alone. 2. Nothing creates a community spirit better than designating an Other. This bonding spirit is accomplished pretty easily when you designate the others simply as the Others. “Hostiles” is also acceptable. They are different from us, so they must be evil, right? 3. If someone tells you to do something and says it’s important, you just have to do it. Usually, if you have come to the conclusion that EVERYONE on the beach needs to run into the forest AS FAST AS THEY CAN, RIGHT NOW, there usually isn’t going to be enough time to explain precisely why to the group of tired and hungry plane crash survivors in front of you. So just fucking run for your life! 4. Let’s say you’ve gone back in time. Don’t
panic! What happened happened. It’s in the past and it’s over, and you just have to accept it. So, you can do whatever you want, because you were supposed to do those actions. And if you do try to consciously alter the flow of events, you will probably be shot in the back by your mother. 5. It’s impossible to know what happened to someone before you met them. Appearances can be deceiving! The bald guy might have been paralyzed, the Koreans might actually speak perfect English, and the cracked-out guy might be a heroin addict. You just never know. 6. Mysterious coincidences are meaningless. The same string of random numbers that won you the lottery might also be the same string of random numbers that you need to enter into a computer every 108 minutes in order to keep the field of electromagnetic energy at bay. But numbers are just numbers, with no inherent value. 7. You can never fully understand the origin story of a place. What is the island? Who built this huge fucking Egyptian statue? Where did these weird bomb shelters come from? And why? These things were here before we arrived and they will be here long after we are gone. 8. Dead is dead. There is no bringing ghosts back to life, no matter how remorseful you are. You still might be able to talk to your best friend, the only woman who ever loved you, the daughter you told a mercenary to kill, or your father, but you can’t bring them back as flesh and blood to this realm. And if anyone seems to break this rule, don’t believe it! He is probably an ancient deity using you as a pawn in his cosmic game. 9. Take action and live in the present. Work in your garden, read, go fishing, build a golf course, build a church, build a raft, play guitar, go hiking, go swimming, cook boar, take care of your baby, push the button. 10. The worst thing that happens is, you get killed by the smoke monster. You fuck with the island, and the island fucks with you. //
Translations of Classic Roman Poetry:Variations on Catullus c. 112 by Megan Bush, Sarah Godlewski, and Leah Koerper Multus homo es, Naso, neque tecum multus homo est quin te scindat: Naso, multus es et pathicus.
You are a great man, Naso, and no great man is with you but that he divides you: Naso, you are great and you submit to anal. Much a man are you, Naso, nor is there a large man with you but that would ream you. Naso: much a man are you and a pillow-biter. You are a large man, Naso, nor is there a large man with you who does not work you. You are a large man, Naso, and you take it up the butt. //
Composition for the Sick by David Kanaga
For a small number of sick players. *If at any point during the piece, a player feels tired, she should go to sleep immediately, disregarding any instructions for the rest of a waking period. Perform [a](when you first wake up, go back to sleep. Do not look at the time. Repeat this process until it is impossible to sleep). 1. Start at night. With the other players, sit in a sauna, or another hot space, without speaking to one another. When any one player is tired, she can leave. All others must follow. Go home, remove all clothes, and perform an activity of your choosing until ready for sleep. 2. [a]. Eat a fried egg and a banana. Find a cat or dog, and speak to it in your native language, while petting it, for about an hour. Spinach, Cheez-Its, mandarin oranges, dry cat food, dog treats, wet cat food, tuna, (feel free to add more foods here): offer these foods to the animal. If it doesn’t eat a food item, throw it away; if it does eat a food item, eat the same item yourself, and save some for later. Spend the rest of the day outside, speaking only to strangers. 3. [a]. Stay in bed 4. [a]. Go to the Organic Garden to wait for the other players. Bring with you any foods that your animal willingly ate. When all have arrived, communicate without using words. Return to the sauna, or other hot place. Remove clothes, and share the foods that the animals liked. Do this until all the food is gone. Return home. Remain naked; warm yourself only with blankets and hot water. Do not eat anything before sleeping. 5. [a]. Go to class. //
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Frogs, a Starling, and the act of killing by Jasper Follows
I’ve seen two dead animals in the past two weeks. That’s one dead animal per week. Well, to be fair, the frog wasn’t dead, since its heart was still beating, but it was, in all other respects, dead. The only thing keeping it alive was a chemical solution called Ringer Solution that we dripped over its heart. Yes, that’s right, Ben, Hadley, Div and I, my physiology lab musketeers, were peering over the innards of a large bullfrog in order to observe the beating of its heart. That means that we had to cut open its belly, slice all the way up to its mouth, and cut away the protective layers surrounding its organs, while it had been anaesthetized by a double pith procedure. Don’t be fooled by the elegant, roll-off-thetongue name of this procedure. The double pith takes place behind the scenes, in the “back alleys” of the science building. Whatever you think the pith is, it’s been doubled. If the frogs knew what was coming, well… perhaps it’s best they don’t because hip-hop isn’t going to save their lives this time. The procedure consists of two metal probes that are inserted into the spinal column: one destroys the brain; the other destroys the reflex function, so we don’t feel quite so guilty when pushing the scalpel through the skin. But I suppose our frog was a little more willful than the others because he certainly still had some reflexes to the steel edges of the scissors against his skin. Normally, I don’t have any trouble with dis-
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sections, but, normally, dissections are carried out on dead subjects. Having to kill something, even though it may be in a vegetative state, is an entirely different story. Although you know the frogs are going to be officially killed afterwards, is it normal to feel comfortable slicing up a twitching animal that has been pinned down to a dissection board in front of you? I hope not. Even in the name of Science, I
don’t have an answer. The truth is I just did it. I followed orders, like any good soldier, I suppose. The dissection became easier once the frog ceased to twitch because you could trick yourself into believing the frog dead, but the fact remains—I was purposefully, slowly killing the frog in order to monitor its heart beat and three friends were watching me do it. I must admit that seeing the frog’s little heart beating was special, but it didn’t necessarily further my understanding of its function. Other groups tested the effect of different hormones on the heart, which is interesting, but only half the class directly observed the effects. The rest, who dissected the frogs, can only see the resulting data. The funny thing is that I never once thought about the dissection for the rest of the day; I didn’t even dream about it. I must’ve just pushed it aside in my mind. Maybe I would make a good soldier. That would be nice. The other dead animal was a starling. It had broken its neck on a Jewett Dining Hall window and was lying motionless amongst the leaves. It was perfect, beautiful, and so fragile. Perfect, but it was dead. No one had even noticed it, except for the ants, and of course, the ants are only interested in its eyes. //
60 word stories by Kevin Klein
find it disturbing. I’d hate to be the one who’s ever had a pet frog. Imagine the teacher telling you to dissect Jimbo, the one and only frog in your life. I bet that would be pretty heart wrenching. So, what does a student or students, ethically opposed to an experiment, say to the professor? If you refuse, should you receive a zero? I
Sandwich Bread I went downstairs to grab a bike pump for my kid’s bike. It smelled like shit down there. I came back up, put the pump on the table, and said, “Gina, it smells like asshole down there.” She stopped slicing the sandwich bread. “I’m not even sure how that’s possible, Roger.” My kid came into the kitchen. “What’s an asshole?” Gorillas I worked at the zoo for 12 years. When I took my daughter on her first trip to see the zoo, she wanted to go to the gorilla exhibit. I hadn’t known about the gorillas in all my 12 years employed there. So I took her straight main offices and quit. I hate seeing animals
that are so like me. Fred the Guy With Lots of Warts Fred has lots of warts and looks like a small toad. I don’t like seeing him very much, but he’s an ok guy to be around I guess. If I had lots of warts I’d want lots of friends. But I don’t have warts, so I don’t really know. It would suck to have lots of warts, a whole lot. //
Chic and cheap in the middle middle of nowhere nowhere Dear readers, No one ever said shopping in this crazy little town was easy. Unless you score a sweet deal at Studio Opal, Lost, or Macy’s, it’s unlikely you’ll find anything for fewer than forty dollars. But thankfully there is one little shop that defies all logic, housing stylish AND cheap clothes. Say what? Where that at? Well friends, look no further than 217 E Alder, home of the glorious Goodwill. You may think they only sell gross used clothes or kitschy Halloween costumes, but you’ve been hoodwinked. Goodwill sells adorable, fashionable, and affordable clothes IF you know how to find them. With these simple thrift-shopping tips, you’ll be on the fast track to a unique style and a fat wallet…all at the same time! 1. Try it on—You must must MUST try on your potential purchases before you head to the check out counter. There have been countless times when we’ve not followed this simple rule and ended up with ill-fitting items that hang in our closets until they are either thrown away or sold back to Goodwill. 2. Does it look good?—Once you’re in the dressing room, how does it fit? Is it too tight around the arms? Is it a little too short? If so, you’re never going to wear it. These are important questions that you would consider if you were about to spend fifty dollars…so you should consider them for something inexpensive as well. This way, you’re guaranteed to actually wear the item. 3. Don’t be afraid to alter—If there’s an amazing dress hanging on the racks that fits really well in the dressing room except it grazes your ankles, don’t fear the scissors! That being said, you should consider the type of fabric, the quality of your scissors, and the overall shape of the garment before making the first cut. Try tucking the fabric where you want to alter it and see if it still looks okay. If it does, then while you’re still wearing the item (at home, duh), make the first cut. If it’s a dress, make sure to make the first little slice
lower than you expect. Then take it off, lay it on the ground and continue along the same line, dipping down slightly in the front and back for better buttock coverage. We’ve both accidentally made a number of shirts that should’ve been dresses by being too liberal with our scissors. Oops! 4. Don’t fear the other gender’s section— we buy more clothes from the men’s section than the women’s. 5. Price—Just because something is $2.99 doesn’t mean that you’ll wear it. On the opposite side of the spectrum, if you find a perfect coat that’s $10.50, you might set it aside because compared to everything else at Goodwill, it’s pricey. But if you saw that same coat at a fancy boutique, you’d think that was a steal! Always remember to keep price in perspective. 6. Go frequently—Goodwill is always getting in new items of clothing, so we go once every week or so. If you don’t, think of all of the gems you’ll be missing! 7. Wash your items—common sense, people. 8. Clothes to avoid— a. Pants (most look awful, pants and jeans should fit like a dream). b. Wigs (come on, people, that’s just gross). c. Undergarments (yucko). d. BASICS (if you want a really nice white t-shirt, don’t go to Goodwill). 9. Clothes to buy— a. Sweaters (they almost always have an amazing selection). b. Shoes (spray them with some anti-bacterial spray and you’re all set to go! They have some really nice men’s loafers and Oxfords. They also have a plethora of women’s flats.) c. Blazers (you can remove the shoulder pads…or not…the 80s are making a comeback). d. Dresses (see tip number 3) e. Button down shirts (especially flannels. The men’s section has a lot that can be worn big over leggings to make a hippy chic statement.) f. Coats (they have an amazing winter selection in right now, definitely worth checking out). g. Halloween costumes (but don’t just shop for Halloween! They have so many great pieces that get mixed in with the costumes.) h. Specialty items—Goodwill is a great place to find unique, funky items that become wearable when paired with basic, non-thrift store clothes. A crazy belt transforms into an adorable accessory if worn with a simple black pencil skirt, NOT acid-wash mom jeans. Follow these simple rules, and we guarantee you’ll have thrift store success. Happy shop-
ping, Whitman! See you at Goodwill. Love, Cleo Mayng and Booty Chanterelle For more fashion commentary go to our blog www.inthemiddlemiddleofnowherenowhere. blogspot.com //
Four short stories by Sam Chasan -Because“Why do you look at me that way?” She asked. “I never looked at you,” he said. “You always look like that,” she maintained. “Well then I didn’t look at you in any special sort of way.” He replied. “Why not?” She inquired. “Because.” He said. -(not a) HumanI am not a human. But if I am a human then I am surely not what I am. And if I am what I think I am then I am something that is not human but humans have human thoughts and this is surely a human thought. However, I am surely not a human because humans are not me, because only I am me and no one else. -KimWoke. Ran. Ate. Drove. Sat. Talked. Worked. Talked. Left. Called. Hung up. Dialed. Talked. Drove. Talked. Crashed. Cursed. Talked. Wrote. Left. Fixed. Paid. Drove. Parked. Ate. Watched. Texted. Talked. Fucked. Slept. Repeat. -Goddamnit allAnd fuck the rest //
Boat notes by Finn Straley
This summer I worked on a boat. Here are some things I saw: 7/6/09: Point Break (1991, starring Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves). Twice. We had a TV on the boat, and a bizarre collection of DVDs ranging from the innocuous to the classic to the terrible. Other movies watched on the boat: Wild Things, Hard Boiled, Unforgiven, Semi-Pro, Mr. Brooks, and The Return of the Jedi. We started Point Break in the morning, over a breakfast of waffles and sausage. Any illusions I had given myself prior to this moment about being a regular working-class roughneck vanished the moment I lathered my second waffle in cream and syrup. I had taken this job
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primarily to make money, but part of me had hoped it could transform me into something other than a limp-wristed NPR-listening ironic 90’s action film viewing Nancy boy. Unfortunately, working on a fishing tender turned out to be the exact wrong move for any sort of personal transformation. 7/12/09: Rick yelled at me for shoving food into the refrigerator. When Rick went to open the door, a Tupperware container full of salmon from last night’s dinner fell on the floor and the salmon got everywhere. Later, Tim and I laughed at Rick’s “hissy fit” but secretly I felt bad for being careless with food. 7/27/09: Today I saw a guy on a jet ski. He wore swim trunks, no shirt, and had a poorly drawn, probably homemade tattoo of a Japanese character on his bicep. He passed out of my field of vision, and I forgot about him until, forty-five minutes later, he rode back in the opposite direction with a platinum blonde woman wearing a bikini and holding a beer. Alaska is a great place, but sometimes I fear for the future of a state where something like this can be considered a reasonable way to spend an afternoon. Are there people like this everywhere, or do they only exist in places with low population densities? //
remain] PROGRESSION OF ACTIONS/EVENTS: [much here is left to the discretion of the performers; pace and energy of the performance should develop organically] 1. “Audience members” enter performance space with chairs, take their seat. [The audience (more generally, sans quotation marks) is not limited to these 6 performers. All are welcome. The “audience members” hopefully engage the general audience in the conscious act of observing and performing simultaneously] 2. Singers enter performance space, carrying table, 3 to each side. neous audience might assemble. MATERIALS: objects6 12 oz. aluminum cans, unopened, containing fruit punch 1 punchbowl, preferably transparent 1 tray 6 pencils, unsharpened 1 pencil sharpener 1 toolbox, empty 1 table 6 chairs As many glasses/cups as there are participants
Mechanical Choir: a script
people1 conductor 6 singers, chosen for the harmony/disharmony of their voices, physical appearances 6 “audience members”, chosen for their flamboyant performance style 1 servant, properly attired
Perform where desired, ideally in a public place with regular foot traffic where a sponta-
[consider the numbers here as you would numbers in a recipe. Materials may be added or subtracted, but the basic proportions should
by Bryan Sonderman
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3. Singers place table in front of audience, walk between table and audience, and stop to take a synchronized bow. 4. Singers retreat behind the table, still in line, and stand stationary. 5. Conductor enters performance space carrying toolbox containing aluminum cans, pencils, pencil sharpener; he opens the toolbox and places items neatly on the table. 6. Conductor sets cans in a line on the edge of the table facing the audience members 7. Servant enters performance space carrying the punchbowl with the excessive reverence one might afford a crucifix. This participant enters and leaves discretely. 8. Conductor, while the servant conducts his duties, proceeds to sharpen pencils until sufficiently pointed. 9. After servant exits, conductor carefully penetrates each can with a pencil, leaving the
pencils in the cans as plugs. 10. Conductor, adopting a tempo and order of his preference, begins to the pull the pencils from the cans. 11. A singer begins singing a melody of their choice when the pencil is removed from the can corresponding to their position in line. 12. The contents of the cans drain into the punch bowl beneath them. [each singer must continue singing the same melody for the duration of their can’s draining process] 13. When the singing has ceased and the cans are empty, the servant enters with a tray, assembles the empty cans on its surface, and exits the performance space with the tray. 14. Meanwhile, the other participants hold their positions. 15. The servant re-enters the performance space and moves the punchbowl from the ground to the table. 16. The audience members stand and clap, then return to sitting. 17. The servant offers a cordial invitation to all participants to attend a reception, to be
held in the performance space immediately following the invitation. 18. All participants enjoy small portions of punch and chat with one another or don’t. 19. After the reception, the audience members retrieve their chairs, the conductor re-packs his toolbox, and the singers carry out the table, 3 to each side. 20. Performance ends, life becomes less structured than it has been for the last [insert time elapsed during performance]. //
My favorite shirt /A newfound fondness of webcomics by Diana Dulek
The other night, I was wearing my favorite shirt; it’s a grey shirt with two dinosaurs (a T-rex and a Triceratops) and underneath the dinosaurs, it reads “The McKenzies”. The McKenzies were (they broke up this summer) this sort of obnoxious local band in Houston that I never really cared for too much. I went to one of their shows and nodded my head like yeah, but other than that, I had a takeit-or-leave-it relationship with the band. My
brother, however, partied quite often with The McKenzies, which is why he had a band shirt and why it was accessible when I decided to steal it from him. Soon after swiping the shirt for no reason other than the fact that I liked the way it looked and felt, I started to wear it on a regular basis. One day, Elliot, my friend, asked me if the dinosaur image was from “those dinosaur comics where the words change but the pictures don’t.” I had no idea what he was talking about and an awkward moment ensued. Fast forward five months to the other night when I was wearing the shirt and my mind wandered to the stash of Archie comic books I brought to school with me for secret emergency cheer-up reading. This reminded me of the dinosaur comics incident; I googled “dinosaur comics”. I soon realized my friend had been referring to Qwantz. Shortly after that initial discovery, I realized I liked Qwantz and had been missing webcomics in my life. I followed a few links and I now find myself regularly checking and reading the archives of Qwantz, pictures for sad children, Cat and Girl, Overcompensating, and A Softer World. I’m sure, in the following weeks, I’ll find plenty more webcomics. Thank you, Elliot. //
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Writing in Tongues by Iris Alden
It was early October when I first heard of three girls and fellow seniors who could talk to God in one of their bedrooms. The rumor, which has undoubtedly been relayed through numerous mouths, was that Stephanie Silver, an art history major hailing from Portland, had gone up into her bedroom on a Saturday night and spoken with God. Upon descending, she told her housemates and good friends Allison Gill (Seattle area, philosophy) and Krystina Andrew (Hawaii, environmental science-humanities) of her experience, and they too began speaking to God. From there, allegedly, the three began "recruiting" new participants in their spiritual practices, and even forming a new Christian club based out of Stephanie's bedroom. It is likely that you too have heard of these rumors; they have spread far--far enough to be recounted by one of my professors. I was excited by the prospect of Whitman students having or believing they had had conversations with God, and thus decided to conduct an investigative report. I contacted Stephanie, Allison, and Krystina to talk to them about their experiences. I walked into the girls' home on a Thursday night. After introductions and a cup of hot chocolate, Stephanie and Allison invited me to talk up in Stephanie's room, which had been transformed by the presence of a large fort--the kind you likely made with sheets during your childhood. I explained my intentions to the two, and told them what I had heard about them and this bedroom. They spent a time vaguely dancing around the "process" and "experience" that they have been going through for the past month or so, until I asked them to describe what had actually been happening. It all started, they said, with an average night of prayer. The three girls have been friends since their freshman year, when they lived in Jewett together. Their bond was unique given their shared faith. While Krystina was raised in the Catholic tradition, the other two had joined the Christian Church more recently. Allison was brought up agnostic but found Christianity at age 15, around the time when her grandfather, a Christian, died. Stephanie comes from a loosely Christian household (the kind that attends church only
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on Christmas and Easter) and became more serious about her faith her first-year at Whitman. Sharing living space for the first time since their freshman year, they started praying together informally but fairly regularly this year. Their prayer is organic in structure and unique every time; it is conversational and often begins when one expresses feelings to another. Sometimes they snuggle. They have found that their group prayer sessions are not only healthy exercises in faith, but a chance to support one another as friends. What they didn't expect was for their relationships with God to change dramatically while praying one night. It was a more or less routine prayer until Stephanie began experiencing what she said "can only be described as a physical feeling" in her right arm, which Stephanie remarked was strange because she is left handed. It was an urge that she said was not insuppressable,
but something she knew would feel good to release. And so she let it happen. Her arm moved with vigor in ecstatic looping motions, as if drawing in a gestural style. The girls call it "writing in tongues." Krystina and Allison watched it happen not without concern; Allison said she was worried about whether or not Stephanie was okay. But Stephanie thought it was good and reassured her friends. The writing went on for two hours, until Stephanie decided to stop. Several weeks later, it happened to Krystina, and then Allison, also in their non-dominant hands. Allison described an afternoon shortly after her first experience with writing in tongues where she began to feel the urge
at Coffee Perk. She gave in and let her arm move as it wanted to, deciding that the feeling was worth the sideways glances. The Biblical term that the girls have adopted for the phenomenon is "gifts of the Holy Spirit." They described the Holy Spirit as the medium through which Jesus currently is able to express himself on Earth. Most people are familiar with the term "speaking in tongues" (or "glossolalia"--derived from Greek words for "tongue" and "to talk"), the most common manifestation of the Holy Spirit in which people begin to utter unintelligable sounds that resemble foreign languages. Stephanie and Allison said that though this is the most powerful experience of God they have had, it is not the first time they have been touched by the Holy Spirit. Allison described a time when a thought that felt external, as if from another voice, entered her mind as a manifestation of the Holy Spirit. First time or not, the gifts grew and took on new forms. In addition to speaking in tongues (which they described as a similar sort of urgent tingle, only one located in the mouth), the girls began conveying "messages from God," usually statements about the lives of one another and each other's relationships with God. These "messages" were the main catalyst for what led to people (many of whom the girls knew from church and their participation in the Whitman Christian Fellowship) coming to the girls' home. Stephanie and Allison said that there was no one event where it began, that nothing was officially organized, but people began finding out about the gifts and coming to check it out for themselves. With more and more people filing into their home, the girls were given more messages about people--some of whom they didn't even know that well. "Sometimes we'll know really specific things about people that we couldn't know otherwise," Allison said. She hypothesized that these messages were revealed to people only if it would help their relationship with God, and that if it would be challenging for the recipient, the messages do not come. Though they found it exciting for more people to engage in their practice (some even began experiencing the gifts directly and sharing messages), the girls began to feel that some people were misinterpreting the gifts and looking too much to the three of them for guidance. While Allison reinforced, "We're not oracles!" with a laugh, Stephanie said that
she and Krystina left their house on one occasion when they felt that the focus had shifted too far away from God. "It's not about us, and it's not about this house," she said. Later she added, "It's supposed to be intimate, not a magic trick." In the middle of our conversation, I began to wonder why they felt their experiences were attached to Christianity, given their direct, pure nature. The girls cited Biblical references and ideas, as well as the fact that the glossolalia and other gifts they experience are described in the Bible. I think Allison put it best when she said, "This is the God I've been following and trying to figure out my life with since I was like 15, and it was definitely a continuation of that relationship. When we started to have these experiences, it wasn't like I was encountering someone I didn't know, if that makes sense. This is the God that I know only clearing up all the misconceptions." So what have they learned from God? For one, God wants you to be yourself. "It just kind of frees you to be human. I think that's a weird juxtaposition in a lot of ways looking at institutional religion, there's this kind of really clear delineation between yourself as a spiritual being and yourself as a person. And I feel like a lot of this has been like, 'you are doing really good when you are being yourself ’,” Allison said Krystina added, “He's not more happy with you when you're reading your Bible.” Allison said that part of what she has learned is that it is important to create and do the things she loves, rather than worry about her responsibilities. "It's weird because it's not a particular social service orientation or something that I would associate before with my spirituality, but now its like, I do. Creativity is also a fundamental part of God," Allison said about her recent art-making. "That was a pretty universal message in that first week when we were talking to people was just that God loves the things that people at this campus love...I think that just opens up your idea of what can be worship," said Stephanie. I wanted to know how this has changed the lives of these three students, and how it might shape their futures. In a revealing gesture, Allison jammed her hands together so that her fingers interlocked and said, "Everything in my life just went like this." None of them know what the future has in store, but it is clear that each of their paths will be forever affected by their spiritual awakenings. Over the fall break, the three made a trip to Redding, California, where they visited a church at which gifts of the Holy Spirit are
common occurrences. There, they were relieved to get some direction and to "not be the weirdos.". "They were really helpful in sort of teaching us that now is the time to start maturing in these things and not be so overwhelmed by the newness and the kind of power of it," Allison said. Regardless of what will happen in the distant future, part of the immediate effect has been to share the gifts with any one who is open. Whereas before, the girls often felt timid in sharing their faith on a largely secular campus, they now not only openly discuss their religion but share messages. While some people have not been receptive to the messages, or have been altogether concerned about the mental stability of the girls, it is clear to them that what they are doing is good. "There's been so much emotional healing, and it's been really clear that's what all of this is about," Allison said. "The whole point that helped me navigate this whole thing is, what is this doing overall in the lives of the people experiencing this? And is it good fruit? And if it is, I'm not going to worry about looking crazy.” Stephanie emphasized that it is important not to get attached to the spiritual high that they feel in the presence of God, and to not "fall in love with what God is doing but rather
who God is."
Leaving Allison, Krystina, and Stephanie's house, I felt a pronounced lift in my own spirit. While I wasn't going to run home and read the Bible, I could feel the love that they referred to, could feel that I was doing just what I should be doing. I don't know if I believe that God tells people things or makes their hands move, but I do believe that these three girls have developed a unique relationship with God. Perhaps in the course of our extensive interview I compromised journalistic objectivity. But it was hard not to absorb, at the very least, the profound positivity and sense of peace that those girls were radiating (and probably still are). To anyone inspired (negatively or positively) by what you have read, I leave you with some of Allison's words: "Either you believe that we're honest people who wouldn't make this shit up or you think that we're trying to pull one on everyone...I'm totally open to having this conversation with anyone who is interested or who wants to figure this out or is confused or skeptical--it doesn't matter where they're coming from. We're not here to try to make people believe." //
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Secession Superlatives: Halloween Rundown ‘09 (as seen at Rosaacs) Most Inventive: Sam Alden as man falling out of building Most Descriptive: Carly Spiering as cum shot in the face/the miracle of life/ a sperm Most Shocking: Tim, who works at Prentiss, as a Scotsman, with three foot long stuffed penis under kilt Most Abstract: Bryan Sonderman as Frida Kahlo Scariest: Kyle Maestas as Misfit Prettiest: Erin Brady as Belle of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast Most Subtle/Laziest: Nadim Damluji as vampire victim Most Accurate: Justis James Philips as Hunter S. Thompson Most Befitting: Andrew Hall as "No Fun" Most Dissonant: David Kanaga as Misfit Most Flamboyant He-Man: Ben Spencer as Glenn Danzig Classiest: Iris Alden as Katharine Hepburn Cutest Couple: Bridget Snow as fisherman with Amy Chapman as salmon Most Intriguing: ???? as color14
SECESSION // VOLUME 2 // ISSUE 2
ful sheet-ghosts
a playable Rubik's cube
Most Adorable: Luc Brodhead as Christopher Robin
Most Relevant: Howard "H-Bomb" Antonio Campos as beer
Stickiest Concept: Joe Wheeler as gum on a shoe
Most Nerdy: Peter Richards as Luke Skywalker, completing Jedi training with Yoda in the Dagobah System //
Most Interactive: MaryBeth Murray as
Crossword by Kevin Klein
Across: 1: Albee‛s ‘The _____ or Who is Sylvia‛ 5: With 1 Down, Bloody tragedy about gum disease? 14: Iranian news agency, abbr. 15: Heat from above 16: Dominican baseball player _____Robinson 17: 10 ^ -9 18: Mistaken for gold in a 1995 Disney movie 19: Put something on a bulletin board (backwards) 20: Wildebeest 22: Tragedy of a murderous king who didn‛t brush? 24: Cold house 26: Type of boy 27: Thai river 28: Seen in Paris 29: In the cosmos 33.5: Penetrating glances 35: Hairy cousin 36: In cuffs 37: “Want to have sex?” __F? 38: Doubled, a flamboyant good bye 39: The theme of the puzzle 41: Heighten 44: League of pretty average baseball players 45: Guitarist Paul 48: For example 50: A____ Rampy 52: Pynchon novel about tooth decay? 58: Orwell piece about teeth government? 59: Take your finger off of a button 61: What a butt does after Yungapeti? 64: Tea-bag infusion, v. 65: Semi-circular dome shaped wall 67: Baseballer Melvin
68: Type of cake 69: “Winthrop _______ in many fish lately!”
Down: 1:see 5 across 2: Shaggy primate 3: Void 4: The path 5: ‘Twin Peaks‛ network 6: Comic in Dirty Work 7: Famous explorer 8: Man of Old English 9: __ Dirty Bastard 10: Level of intelligence measured in a billiards hall? 11: Small decorative Italian food 12: Gymnast attire 13: Fallacious Reasoner 19: Marx‛s target audience 21: Words on a cash register 30: ___pism, overzealous erection 31: Some patronize these 32: Yield
33: Washington to Texas, Abbr. 34: Tasty treat, with “mame” 40: Broom Ball‛s cousin involving thread and yarn (upside down) 42: Type of agent, maybe 43: Honored 46: Ambient musician Brian 47: Of of a six part series 49: Old HBO sports show 51: Second and third words of a famously misused three word saying 52: Official Lithuanian coins 53: Lacking competance 54: Plopped (upside down) 55: ‘she_______heart” (upside down) 56: Yo no ___ 57: Not before or during 59: Computer port 60: Swine place 62: Three pointer, slangily 63: Seasonal disorder, Abbr. 66: ‘It‛s Always Sunny‛ state, Abbr. //
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