Labor and Birth: Design Your (Flexible) Plan

By Erin Kaspar-Frett, Abundant Moon Birth & Wellness

Let me share a recent curveball in my life. We were traveling from Botswana to Namibia so I could teach midwifing techniques to the San people. We knew the border had a closing time, though no one knew exactly what it was, and upon arrival at 4:50 pm, we learned it had closed 20 minutes before. We were in the middle of nowhere. Rural to the rural. We had an 8- and 12-year-old, as well as three young adults, in addition to us two parents. Our friend and guide could not find the immigration folks to ask for an exception. No cell signal, no food, and we were extremely dirty. There were feelings….lots of them.

We surrendered. We drove back to the closest village and found a shop with enough food for the night and morning, and a place to camp out. I realized I could stay upset about the delay and inconvenience, or I could make food for my family and enjoy the stars together. I couldn’t change the circumstance, but I got to have my feelings and, in the end, I got to decide how to move forward. We were safe at least.

This experience reminds me of birth. It’s messy, beautiful, terrifying, exhilarating and deeply impactful. As a midwife, I get to know people before their birth—their communication styles, needs and desires for birth and postpartum. Sometimes they ask me if they should write a birth plan.

A birth plan should be written as a way to communicate your needs and wants. However, approach it as just that: a communication tool. If you write a birth plan as a prescription or agenda, know that it will not all turn out exactly as written. Almost always something happens differently. It can be as simple as an unexpected time of day, or as large as needing pain medication or fluids for exhaustion when not planning either.

Life has a way of changing on us, and this includes our births.

Write your wishes in the spirit of sharing your desires and needs with those around you. The simple act of writing it can also clarify desires for yourself. You may find that you want your other children there, or that you don’t. You may discover a desire or need that wasn’t conscious.

Take the time to know what is important to YOU.

But then approach it understanding that we cannot control it. The path labor and birth take is ultimately its own journey.

What to do if it’s a large curveball that feels insurmountable?

First, have your feelings. Let them roll over and through you. Unless it’s an emergency, give yourself some time to feel and process. For some people that is only a few minutes to understand the details and information. For others, it’s an hour or days. A doula is wonderful here for support. Partners have their own process happening, so sometimes processing together can be beautiful and sometimes it is not exactly what each of you need (and that is okay, too). Some midwives provide this level of care as well, though not all.

It is not always safe to delay birth, however. In this case, make your needed decisions and allow yourself time to process later with your partner, a therapist, your midwife/ birth team or a dear friend. And when you’re ready, you can focus on the gratitude for what you do have. For those of you reading this that have experienced a loss of a child, this might be too simply-stated to be of use for you.

No matter how your labor and birth goes, shift the best you can with unexpected changes, and rely on your people for the processing you need. Feel. Your. Feelings. No matter who you are, allow your process to be your process.

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Eau Claire 4 Tomorrow What Is It?

Eau Claire 4 Tomorrow is an early learning program offered to all four-year-olds in the Eau Claire Area School District. The EC4T program is free* to ECASD residents. * There is no charge for EC4T, however fees may apply for families participating in extended services beyond the EC4T program day.

How Do I Register?

If by September 1, 2023, your child will be 4 years old, an EC4T application must be completed. Applications are available at www.ecasd.us, click Schools, Early Learning, Program Options, Eau Claire 4 Tomorrow, Online Application.

Babes In Toyland Childcare Center 715-830-9432

Chapel Heights Preschool 715-832-2333

Children’s House Montessori School, Inc. 715-835-7861

Color My World Childcare & Preschool Inc. 715-835-2060

Days Gone By Early Learning 715-835-1234

Eau Claire Area School District-Head Start 715-852-3630

Genesis Child Development Center 715-830-2275

The Learning Tree Child Care Center 715-834-5439

Little Bloomers 715-839-1050

Mayo CHS Child Development Center 715-838-3198

Rachel’s Place Early Learning Center 715-832-1414 x2200

Redeemer Early Learning Programs 715-835-9207

Regis Child Development Center 715-830-2274

UW-Eau Claire Children’s Nature Academy 715-836-2178

Western Dairyland EOC, Inc. Eau Claire Head Start Center 715-985-2391 x1253

For information regarding EC4T, contact the Eau Claire Area School District Early Learning Office at 715-852-3608.