Starting from Self-directed Project Despite the effort not to be emotional while writing at this moment, it is nearly impossible not to think about the first day of stepping into the Illustration Practice Program(MFA) in MICA. Back then, I was a timid girl who are yet to think of myself as an illustrator. I was new to so many genres; such as zines, comics, personal narrative nor animations, simply a student with just a silly passion and couple of portfolios. With that lack of confidence, I had my first time of meeting so many talented co-illustrators in one place and overwhelmed with their confidence and intelligence. I acted like I belong to the group at first and slowly becoming one of them as I wished. As my first year Art market quote saying, ‘Time flied so fast like a naked man running in the woods’ now I am about to graduate by putting my dear sweet program behind. Lots of things have changed inside me during the time. Although I maybe be still a timid girl with many struggles, but one of the great things I am taking from this program would be the ability to look back on me with more confidence. My self-directed project was the first step of my self-retrospective journey.
My family goes to church on every Sunday. If we have no other choice but to have a trip to another city on Sunday, we had services at random church. hen it comes to find a place to settle in any cities or countries, our priority was of course to choose Korean church and its community first. Everything has always organized by my mother, who used to be a buddist and ended up converted herself as Christian to join in our family. On the other hand, I had a hard time fitting myself into Christianity since I was a child. There were so many big and small arguments I have conflicted against the religion’s dogma. I was too young to separate myself with the doctrine that the religion had built only by passing words over centuries. Once I decided to refuse the words from the bible that non Christian believers would all go to hell, my burden got lighter, but it drew a line between me and Korean Christianity. If the God loves human beings so much, why would he or she give us liberty of faith? Why would God give us the chance to love either one of gender and punish based on our choice? Is hell really exist? Aren't the present life own both heaven and hell with equal shares anyway? I got lost among those endless questions and frustrated church’s answers from old testaments in bible. So I decided to create my own Utopia where everything would be eually and unconditionally beloved by God. I reach to that island when I hear things I disagree at the service of church for my own peace.
I still remember that I was too excited to visualize the conceptual space that I imagined over years but never thought of illustrate on paper. This self-directed project was the first time I poured my own thought and fear from being seperate from my Since this island was created to ease my thirst for ideal belief, I brought all the good characteristics from diverse relligions. Numerous numbers of eyes floating on faces are to find mortal beings in suffer and more than 6 hands represent salvation to save people out of their pain. I still believe that God only exists by worship from human beings. In another words, the more people believe in religion, the stronger it grows. I wanted to present this relationship by symbolizing beliefs as trees surrounding the island. I've been believing that absolute being's love down to us would rather be warm and thoughtful as maternal grace than strict rules with father's images. I design the island based on woman's volumptuous body. By assembling these puzzles about my ideal images of diety, the conceptual place with unconditional love towards everyone in all religions has visualized and bloomed full of floral trees. After making this image with the format of gif, I was not entirely satisfied with the clumsy movement. However, the first step of bring this space on surface meant undescribly important to me. It felt more lighter to share my own thought outside and heavy of talking about personal and private belief that people dislike to talk about.
References In the first semester of second year, I started to develop the idea of the self-directed project and had a research for a story. There was an old novel called 'Pilgrim's Progress' by John Bunyan written in 1678. It was about a traveler who has a journey to find true heaven and underneath the story, it warns that everyone who doesn't believe in God or misbehave would all fall in hell eventually. It sure was too old story to take for 10 year-old child, but I was silly enough to get scared by the story, at the same time to be rebellious on rules of bible. I wanted to write a story fits to current generations and tell that it is not the religion's decisions where we would go after life.
It was my initial plan to have this storytelling in the format of animation. After having pages of thumbnail shots to simplify the story, I realized the point of this story can't be told by animation not only because one year won't be enough to make it, but also I con't have that good enough animation skills to explain all those things. I was frustrated with my lack of ability. Although it was such a wonderful time learning new skills of animation, I had make a decision to have my project under control. Considering my characteristics to get obsessed with perfection with tiny details, I decide to search another narrative format. My sister's passion about movies naturally led me to be highly interested in films, but never felt comfortable with graphic novels or anime in the first place. It is a bit shameful confession that I once thought animations are immature than movies. I now feel very lucky to meet my bachmates and instructors who have good knowledge about graphic novels or comics and I met Nowbrow books.
Even during the summer I tried to move from South Korea to the U.S., I had small anxiety about my age that I am not that young enough to be naive as being international student. Of course I carry that doubt even still. The day when I first saw a beautiful book 'The New Ghost' illustrated by Robert Hunter. This sounds dramatic but books from Nobrow had great balance between storytelling and drawings with enough amount of details. It is never too much to stress that Korean market is yet smaller than the U.S. market to have such well-organized books to be published. Meeting good books to look upon broaden my perspective on illustration again and felt grateful to study abroad.
By the time I had multiple comments from my previous works to cool down the madness of details, so 'The New Ghost' seemed like my new 'bible' in my career and even still I use the book as reference when I needed to compare my pace with another books or the tone of narrative voice. After the comments from the final critics in fall semester that I should not put myself in the box of comic form with equally devided panels, I found more references with less tight format and stronger storytelling strategies.; Cramond Island by Jean Baptisete Baligorri and the comic Rabbit by MICA program allumni George Christian. I planned my comic project to be narrative comic with minimun words, both printed copy and animated online format.
Sketches The early stage of sketches were drawn in horizontal lay out based on long take scene for animation. Folktales in Hawaii inspired me alot featuring the island as woman sitting in the middle of ocean. Although all different poses helped me building her characteristics, but at the same time it also distracted me to reconstruct the island off from female body. I tried to rearrange the position of faces but it made her look creepy and disgraceful. There were many pieces of sketches going back and forth of reorganizing the faces.
<The character of flytrap who symbolizes greed encountering the Goddess>
In the Fall semester, I chose the characters to related to the shapes of nature, such as acorn, trees, flytrap or peaches. And test sketeched couple of sketches. I could push the comic with these characters, but I didn't have clear certainty what I would like to tell with these characters. I spent another days playing and sketching characters and background. By this time, I feel the importance of writing the scpript in the beginning stage.
Test comic talking about relationship
With repetitive revision of the main character, she has changed more human figure, with resemblance of myself. The more I edit the storyline, I feel the need it to be more personal narrative, although the space is imaginary and non-realistic. I named her 'Doma', Korean way of calling 'Doubting Thomas' to impose her personality with full of curiosity..
Early stage of storyboard and tight sketches
Story Synopsis 1. In the middle of night, Gaya blows a breath and wakes a girl named Doma who were sleeping in the goddess’ island 2. Doma meets a birdman in a nest, a temple for Gaya. 3. Doma stays with him and the temple for a while and finds out that Birdman covers the eyes of Gaya’s status. Scissor man says that the temple is only for people who share same faith with him, not for every Gaya’s follower. 4. Doma feels buzz in her chest, a disgust to him and pull the fabric of the sculpture. 5. Birdman gets upset and kicks Doma out of the nest. Gaya destroys it with a single blow of breath. 6. Doma runs away and keep walking and arrives to a peach orchard. She find Lady Peach sitting underneath one of the trees. 7. The girl works in Gaya’s peach orchard—an orchard that produces eternity fruit for Gaya. Lady Peach tells Doma how she stole a peach out of curiosity. As punishment, the girl must wait and live for 3000 year in payment. 8 Lady Peach regrets craving immortality and tells Doma that the purpose of faith is to make the present more valuable, not merely to seek eternity or paradise in the afterlife. The existence of Death makes life more valuable. It encourages us to use life wisely. 9. Doma notices an origami snake leaving the orchard. The Snake stops at a field of emptiness. Upon his arrival, the emptiness generates a flight of descending stairs. 10. The snake slips down into the underground and Doma follows it. She is swimming in the dark and reunites with the origami snake who has now transformed into a colorful and giant snake.
11. The snake shows her how people create beautiful stories and have blind faith in them. 12. The snake also warns Doma not to be molded or shaped by religious forces because each can change as time goes by. Rather Gaya wants Doma to question what she believes for granted. 13. After the conversation, Doma comes back from the underground. 14. Out of nowhere, the red string on Doma’s pinky finger begins to tug her. 15. Doma tries to swim away from Gaya’s island, but the tide pulls her back to shore. 16. Doma finds a boat on the shore and leaves the island, but circles around Gaya’s island like an orbit. 17. She stares the landscape of island in a far distance. Although it is Doma’s ideal place to live and believe in, she also doubts and questions over and over.
Storyboard Over the winter break, I revised the synopsis and started drawing panels following the flow. The most challanging process in this thesis project was just keep drawing without doubt. Through this, I learned that having solid message in story makes the entire project much easier. Because there might never be a strong certainty on writing a story in fanctastic world. I wasn't sure whether people would understand the point what I was going to say through the comic. Although I started this comic mainly wordless comic, but the theme I was handling needed alot of explanation to convince someone else. I certianly spent alot of time trying to make a balance of making wordless comic and polishing storyline to be cathy to undersnad and pacing.
Before jumping into drawing a panel, I had a very tight sketches in the first couple of spreads to know what I was drawing. I used dry mediums mostly, color pencil, color crayon, charcoal and pencil. It was refreshing project because normally I would use ink and watercolors. I am glad that I chose dry mediums for this project. It helped me controling texture of drawings and simplify my small details with little bit of comforting time listening to the pencil rubbing on papers.
Sometimes there was a huge gap between the sketch and outcome. The pose of characters were quite solid, but the background and partner character had another revision. This story about the birdman was very personal. People might never have to face such disappointing moment like me. But I wanted to let readers aware discrimination can always happen even by someone who seemed kind. Due to the hope that people would understand my experience using methaphoric signs and characters, lots of revision by part to part.
Drawing two layers (red + blue layers) based on tight sketches at the bottom
Drawing Process There are three layers in each spread with colors of red, blue and pink. For example, I drawed the entire nest seperately and add another details with red layer. It was my first time drawing images with seperating the layers in mind. It wasn't easy at first. I believe I would get used to the process. I am still not used to it. Drawing first, revising parts later process requires alot of time, but it got less stressful process everytime I see the image improve better.
<Drawing seperate layers of red, blue, and pink on each seperate piece of paper and combine all the layers in digital process>
Show Installation In the beginning of spring semester, I started to plan about my show installation. My instructor Whitney adviced me to have a good thought on the installation first and be thoroughly prepared not to get panic when the time comes. I brought intense floor plan to tiny details the next meeting and realized it was very ambitious plan. I should have considered my working method with multiple revisions would take alot of time before installation.
I wanted to see if I can project the gif and animated panels on the surface of white thin fabric add liveliness. But the image rather presented on the surface of wall than the fabric and it would twisted the images. Instead of white fabric, I used blue astroturf on the floor to make my exhibition space like being in the island. So my last plan for installation was with a wall text, a shelf on the wall for comics next to the wall text, huge animated spreads, and a aide gif, mural on 4 walls and blue grass on the wall.
I admit that I got panic on the first couple of days after drawing the first wall. Time taking was not in my calculation because of my naive thought that I would only half bottom of walls, but the image of mural was tricky and there were four walls. I had to ask first year students and my friends to help me sketching the layers using red and blue pencil and paint along with them. It took three days to finish drawing mural on the walll and took two other day of setting the rest of installation such as attaching vinyl on wall and astroturf on the floor. I used masking tape on the floor first and attached the astroturf with glue gurn on top of the tape to protect the floor from gluegun's heat
Photo credit by Whitney Sherman from her instagram
Details of the peach tree wall and astroturf
It was a great fruit of installation to feel love and support from people who supported the show and me by painting the mural with me and helping installing projectors. I had great time talking with people I didn't have much time to talk alot lately and share thoughts about installation. I borrowed a backyard bench from Whitney to give visitor a sit to read comic and animation. Thank you for everyone who helped me to make this whimsical ahievement and present it on the show. It was a long but happy five days of installation with full of love and pride on our show.
And our show was on!
Presenting dummy books on a shelf
In the wall text, I put one of the lines of the main character Doma from the comic saying "I have wandered around the island wondering which is the illusion and which is real: The almighty Goddess, flawed religions, or my constant questioning of all these". It is also my fundamental questions towards religion and the reason I made this comic in my thesis. 'Higher beings may be perfect, but manmade religions are far from ideal' was also another point I wanted to share with readers. The novel'Pilgrim's Progress' that I mentioned earlier is speculative. I cautiously assume that religions might be not far from speculative stories as well, because nothing last as solid fact such as science. I don't entirely believe in bible. However I hesitate to call myself an athesist, because I believe in the existence of God still yet. Nonetheless millions of people including me believe in God is a hope someone higher than me would look after me and my fate out of pain. The more I grow up, the less I believe in bible and the bigger I imagine my world of Gaya. I tried to deliver this cautious but solid thought of mine in wall text and my bachmate Tiffany Lin helped me using soft tone ito my writing in English. Thank you for all your help during the entire year of this project and polishing it in better shapes.
On the wall of peach tree mural, there was a side gif of snake. It is from a page that Doma meets the snake in underworld. I feel attached to this image since the beginning of this project, because it place is the most whimsical space out of the unrealistic world. The Goddess Gaya never meets Doma but sends the rainbow snake as her persona and shares conversation together. The rainbow snake is based on the folktale character, Rainbow snake from Australia. Once it across a blank space, it created the continent of the country and the furrow that the snake made creates a river.
In the first week of out exhibition show, we had a gallery talk and shared our thesis show with two guests of Terri Fry Kasuba and Sara Varon. My gallery talk started with me reading the entire comic and then explained the reason I chose my thesis talking about religions. I was too nervous to remember what I said or the comments from the critics, but I remember that they respected me handlling sensitive topic like religion or belief. I did not start to provoke someone else or accuse certain group of people. Instead I have my own inspective time rethinking about individuality in religion and how people need to aware the risk of irrational belief or hatred. I was glad I could pitch this to group of people I love.
Post thesis show I felt extremely emotional after deinstallation of my show. The thesis was the wheel keep pushing me forward in past 10 months. By have in gone on my skin made me realize that I will say goodbye to my friends in studio and my dearsest 2 years in MICA. However, since I haven't finished drawing my comic and animated comic online, I would like to run steady to the end. I am aiming for the publishing company Penquin House's Student dummy book portfolio review, which would be held in June. I will finish unfinished spreads at the last chapter and revised the pace of comic a bit slower with editing.
I didn't expect my last year in this program would be over with such a challenging but wonderful project. I would see me and my blueprint of my future career working as a storytelling illustrator with short comic or book illustration and editorial illustration. I find interest in creating characters and weaving stories around them. After graduation, I will move to New York and shoot for new oppurtunity to jump in the field of illustration. I don't know where exactly I would be working in or who I would work with in next years, but I feel less anxious and timid about myself after all those achievements and friends I've gained in this program.
Thank you for Whitney Sherman, Kimberly Hall with warm and keen advices and everyone in ILP program . It was such a wonderful and dazzling time in my life getting to know all the talented artists in MICA and growing up among them. My dear friends Jasjyot Sigh Hans, Tiffany Lin, Emily Joynton, and loving bachmates of my year, thank you for being my family with endless support and silly laugh. Like Doma in comic, I feel like I had a fantastic dream of 2 years and am sad of waking up. May God (My Gaya) bless you all.