Jokes

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Please mention the Sentinella when replying to ads! Jokes ha ha :)

A car full of Irish nuns sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up along side of them. “Hey, show us yer boobs, ya bloody penguins!” shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, “I don’t think they know who we are; show them your cross.” Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, “Piss off, ya feckin’ little bast##ds, before I come over there and stick my toe up your arse! Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, “Did that sound cross enough? *************************************************** A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, “Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there? “We’re taking TWA,” was the reply. “We got a great rate! “TWA? “ exclaimed the barber. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome? “We’ll be at the downtown International Marriott. “That dump! That’s the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they’re overpriced. So, what are you doing when you get there? “We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope. “Really!,” laughed the barber. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Well good luck on this trip of yours. You’re going to need it. “ A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome. “It was wonderful,” explained the man, “not only were we on time in one of TWA’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel-it was great! They’d just finished a 25million euro remodeling job and now it’s the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge! “Well,” muttered the barber, “I know you didn’t get to see the pope. “Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me. “Really? “ asked the Barber. “What’d he say? “He said, “Where the hell did you get that rediculous haircut?” *************************************************** Bob is walking down the street when he says his old friend John passing in a brand new Rolls Royce On seeing his old friend, John pulls over to say hello. Bob sees the Rolls Royce and exclaims,” Wow, how did you get the great car?” John says,” So I was going out for a walk on a sunny afternoon when a beautiful woman pulled over in this Rolls Royce and asked if I wanted a lift, so I got in. She drove for a while before she asked me to kiss her, so I did.

57 To advertise in The Sentinella Malaga call 711 096 354 Jokes ha ha :)

We drove for a bit more, then suddenly she pulled over, went to the back seat, took off all her clothes except for her silk knickers She said,” Take anything you want from me” I knew the knickers would never fit me, so I took the car!” *************************************************** I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess. *************************************************** A guy takes his wife out for the night and they end up at a disco where there’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, every dance move going. The wife turns to her husband and says... Do you know how lucky you are to be with me? “See that guy on the dance floor? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.” The husband replies, “It looks like he’s still celebrating!” *************************************************** A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests there, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. So she approached him, smiled and said politely, “Hello, my name is Carmen Romantica.” “That’s a beautiful name”, he replied, “Is it a family name?” “No”, she replied, “As a matter of fact, I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - romance, cars and men. Therefore, I choose Carmen Romantica.” After a pause, she asks the man, “What’s your name?” The man answers, “Roger Titsenass.” *************************************************** A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. With a pained frown and puckered lips he sympathised said, “oh how awful, your stance is definately too wide.” *************************************************** I called my wife from work and said “Honey, I’ve been thinking about our sex life, I know I don’t show you enough attention and you think I’m not attracted to you anymore, but I’m going to turn over a new leaf. I think we should try some new things in bed or let’s get randy outdoors and do it in a forest against a tree or over the bonnet of our car.. I’m getting horny thinking about it already and just wanted to call you to express my excitement!” She said “Who the hell is this? Piss off you pervert!” *************************************************** A lorry carrying 300kg of strawberries crashed into a lorry carrying 50kg of sugar. It was the biggest traffic jam ever. *************************************************** Why did Noah have so much difficulty fishing from the ark? He only brought two worms. *************************************************** A snake bit Chuck Norris...... After many hours of excruciating pain, the snake died