Jokes

56

Please mention the Sentinella when replying to ads! Jokes ha ha :)

I’m starting a new dating service in Prague. It’s called Czech-Mate. ************************************************** What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire! ************************************************** A British doctor says: “In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man’s liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he was looking for a job.” The German doctor replies: “That’s nothing. In Germany, we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he was looking for a job.” The Russian doctor replies: “Well, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another’s chest, and in 2 weeks he was looking for a job.” The American doctor laughs: “You are all behind us. A few years ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver, and made him President. Now, the whole country is looking for a job!” *************************************************** A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “Yes, you’re the father of one of my kids.” Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my mates watching while your partner whipped my arse with wet celery?” She looks into his eyes and says calmly, “No, I’m your son’s school teacher.” *************************************************** An Irish man played the triangle in a band, but he had to leave because of endless problems.. It was just one ting after another. *************************************************** Teenage girl opens up to her dad and says, my boyfriend said some romantic things to me that I didn’t understand. He said that “I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper?” The Dad replied... “Tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking from his exhaust pipe.” *************************************************** Lily went to a nearby pharmacy to buy her partner some deodorant. A sales assistant comes up to her and asks what she’s looking for. “I’m looking for some deodorant for my boyfriend, but I don’t know what kind he uses.” “Is it the ball type he needs?” “No,” she replied they’re not that bad. “It’s for his armpits.” *************************************************** My wife was giving a speech at her parents’ wedding anniversary, and my phone battery ran out in the middle of recording it. Now I’ll never hear the end of it. *************************************************** Kevin O’Reilly raised his whisky and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife !” That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night ! He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won

57 To advertise in The Sentinella Malaga call 711 096 354 Jokes ha ha :)

the prize for the Best toast of The night.” She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?” he said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.” “Oh, that is very nice indeed!” Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of his drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “Your husband won the prize the other night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary.” She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself...he’s only been in there twice in the last four years! “Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep”. ************************************************** A man is sat in an airport bar, having a drink, waiting for his flight to be called... As he is sitting there a stunning woman walks into the bar and sits on the bar-stool next to him. She’s wearing a very smart uniform and the guy thinks “She must work for one of the top airlines”. He decides to find out which one by running some of their advertising slogans past her. Thinking it might be British Airways he says, questioningly “The world’s favourite airline?” The woman looks at him quizically, but says nothing and goes back to her drink. Thinking it might be Singapore Airlines, he says “A better way to fly?” Again she looks at him, but says nothing, and goes back to her drink. So he thinks “Maybe it’s Thai Airlines. Their tagline is “As smooth as silk” So he says to her “As smooth as silk?” The woman turns to him, and says very aggressively “What the F##k do you want?” To which he says “Ah Haa!....RyanAir!”. *************************************************** A bodybuilder takes off his shirt and starts flexing in front of a beautiful woman. She exclaims... “Wow, what a great chest you have!” “He says, “Solid dynamite, babe.” He then takes off his trousers and the woman says, “Wow, what massive calves you have!” He flexes his leg muscles and says, “Like I said, pure dynamite, sweetheart.” Then he removes his underwear and the lady goes running off screaming in terror. He gets dressed and goes chasing after the woman. When he catches up to her, he asks, “Why the hell did you go running off like that?” She replies, “I was afraid to be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was!” Boom! *************************************************** The son polar bear turned to his father and asked, “Dad, am I 100% polar bear?””Of course, son, you’re 100% polar bear.”A few minutes pass, and the son polar bear turns to his father again and says, “Dad, tell me the truth. I can take it. Am I 100% polar bear? No brown bear or panda bear or grizzly bear?””Son, I’m 100% polar bear and your mother is 100% polar bear, so you’re certainly 100% polar bear.”A few more minutes pass, and the son polar bear again turns to his father and says, “Dad, don’t think your sparing my feelings if it’s not true. I really need to know... am I really 100% polar bear?”Distressed by this continued questioning, the father polar bear finally asked his son, “Why do you keep asking if you’re 100% polar bear?””Because I’m freezing my balls off here!!”