Jokes

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Please mention the Sentinella when replying to ads! Jokes ha ha :)

Whats you father’s occupation? Asked the school secretary, filling in the forms at the start of the academic year. “He’s a magician,” said the small boy. “How interesting! What’s his favorite trick? “Sawing people in half.” “Really? Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?’ “Yes, one half brother and two half-sisters.” ************************************************** A Mexican guy comes riding up to the border on his bicycle with two big sacks over his shoulders. He tells the border guard that the sacks are full of sand, but the guard doesn’t believe him. The guard detains the guy, and rips open the bags, but there’s nothing but sand. He even has the sand analyzed, only to find that it really is just sand. And the sack is just a plain sack. Two days later, the same thing happens. And then it happens again, two days after that. Every time, that guy is on the bike carrying nothing but sand. This goes on for seven years. It drives the border guard crazy. He loses his job because of it. One day, he tracks the Mexican guy down and says to him, “I’m no longer a border guard so you’re off the hook, but I have to know what is it that you’re smuggling in that f##king sand?” The bicycle guy smiles at him and says, “I bring bicycles across the border señor!” *************************************************** The local job office in Glasgow was advertising for a bikini waxing assistant. Job discription: removing ladies panties, make them comfortable and easily accessible for waxing. Then after waxing, apply soothing oils gently to the areas after waxing. I didn’t sound difficult, so of course I had to ask..! Excuse me, where can I apply for the waxing assistants job?” The woman at the desk looked at the man with a smirk and said, “do you know how to get to Manchester?” “Yes I said, but is that where the job is?” “No”she replied, “ but that’s where the back of the que is, good luck!” *************************************************** A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules. “I’ll be home when I want, if I want, what time I want, and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies, and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?” His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night, whether you’re here or not.” *************************************************** As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.” She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?” A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here you go, iron this!”. ************************************************* ** A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly

57 To advertise in The Sentinella Malaga call 711 096 354 Jokes ha ha :)

man, gets off his bike and says, “What are you doing?” “I’m going to commit suicide,” she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?” She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she’s finished, the tough, hairy biker fully aroused says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! I would marry you! Why are you committing suicide?” “My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl…” **************************************************

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. So then Holmes, what does it tell you?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “It tells me that someone has stolen our bloody tent Watson!” *************************************************** A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains and get’s all frustrated and annoyed as he expected to be entertained and enjoy the excitement, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds, what a complete flop!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.” *************************************************** Two guys were playing golf. On the tee, Jack hit his shot way left of the fairway in some buttercups. Bob proceeded to hit and his ball went way off to the right in the bushes. Jack eventually found his ball and proceeded to hit in the buttercups. All of a sudden, he heard a big *POOF* and a fairy appeared. She proceeded to say to Jack that she was Mother Nature and that she was really upset at him for damaging the buttercups. She said, ‘’Jack, for all the damage that you did to my buttercups, you will not have any butter to put on your toast in the morning for the next month. No, as a matter of fact, I am so upset at you that you won’t have any butter for the whole next year! That should teach you a lesson so you won’t hurt my creations.” *POOF* She disappeared. Jack, stunned by what just happened, called out, “Bob! Bob! Come over here here quick!” Bob replied, “Wait a sec. I’m hitting my shot and I’ll be right over.” Jack yelled back at Bob, “Where are you?” Bob answered, “I’m over here in the pussy willows.” Jack shouted back, “Don’t hit the ball Bob! For the love of God, don’t hit the ball!” ********************************************* 2 couples always meet up for a game of bridge. One night the usual couple cancelled, the new bloke got bored and made small talk to bond with the other.. “Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand!”