Jokes

56

Please mention the Sentinella when replying to ads! Jokes ha ha :)

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.” ************************************************** It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. “What is that?” he asked. She said, “I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo ‘Merry Christmas,’ and on the inside of the other one they tattooed ‘Happy New Year.’” Perplexed, he asked, “Why did you do that?” “Well,” she replied, “now you can’t complain that there’s never anything to nibble on between Christmas and New Years!” ************************************************** Santa comes down a chimney one Christmas Eve and to his surprise finds a gorgeous brunette waiting for him, wearing the sexiest lingerie imaginable. “Santa,” she purrs, “Can you stay for a while?” Santa says, “Ho, ho ho! I’ve gotta go! Have to deliver toys to children, you know!” She comes close, starts playing with his beard, whispers in his ear, “Santa, don’t you have a gift you would like to give me?” Santa says, “Ho, ho, ho! I’ve gotta go! Have to spread Christmas cheer, you know!” The brunette takes off her straps, giving Santa a view of her wonderful full breasts and says, “Santa, are you sure there’s no gift you’d like to give me....?” Santa says, “Hey hey hey, might as well stay. I can’t get up the chimneythis way!!!!” ************************************************** Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolises Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle”, he said.

“Very well, you may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”

Saint Peter said, “You may also pass through the pearly gates.”

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties...

57 To advertise in The Sentinella Malaga call 711 096 354 Jokes ha ha :)

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolise?” The man replied, “These are Carol’s” *************************************************** Short funnies...

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia!

Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ‘ho ho ho’!

Why did Santa go to the doctor? Because of his bad “elf”!

Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? Because he had a low “elf” esteem!

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson! ************************************************** When I asked my wife what she wanted fro Christmas she said she’d be happy with anything with lots of diamonds in it. So I bought her a deck of cards! *************************************************** What’s the best Christmas present you could possibly get? A broken drum. You can’t beat it. *************************************************** The poor man asks the rich man, “What are you getting your wife this Christmas?” The rich man replies, “Diamond earrings and a Mercedes.” The poor man asks, “Why are you getting her two gifts?” The rich man says, “Well, if she doesn’t like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them.” The poor man nods. Then the rich man asks him, “So what are you getting your wife this year?” The poor man thinks about it for a second and replies, “A pair of slippers and a sex toy.” The rich man asks, “Whythe sex toy?” The poor man astutely reponds, “Well if she doesn’t like the slippers she can go “%#∞# herself!” *************************************************** A child psychologist had twin boys one was an optimist; the other, a pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on Christmas Day he loaded the pessimist’s room with toys and games. In the optimist’s room, he dumped a pile of horse shit. That night, the father found the pessimist surrounded by his gifts, crying. “What’s wrong?” the father asked. “I have a ton of game manuals to read … I need batteries … and my toys will all eventually get broken!” sobbed the pessimist. Passing the optimist’s room, the father found him dancing for joy around the pile of manure. “Why are you so happy?” he asked. The optimist shouted, “I think Santa has brought me a pony dad!!” *************************************************** 4 Blokes commented how nice it would be to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed, and without any argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies. Bob was the only one who said... “What are you guys talking about, I do as I please and have no hassels at all from my wife.” I just wake up, pull the covers back, slap my wifes bum and say, Merry Christmas darling, it’s a lovely day for sex or golf.” She says “your shoes are cleaned and your jumper is on the chair”