Art of Being Stuck

I come from a family of workaholics – We chase goals, solve problems, fix wrongs, strive to be better, do more. Always on our way to the next destination… You too?

Modern technology encourages us to do rather than to be. Even when queuing up at the supermarket, we answer emails, check Twitter or mindlessly scroll through Instagram.

When did you last pause? And what did you notice when you did?

Research by psychologist Timothy Wilson and colleagues at University of Virginia and Harvard University suggests that many of us feel uncomfortable to be alone with our own thoughts. Some of us rather give ourselves a mild electric shock than sit and ‘do nothing’. Isn’t that weird?

Doing is easier than being

Doing gives us a sense of control. Yet, the ability to be on our own with our thoughts is key to creativity. To solve problems, we have to embrace the discomfort of being stuck.

To solve Fermat’s Last Theorem (a 400-year old puzzle!), mathematician Andrew Wiles had to get through seven years of stuckness. As Ben Orlin writes on his blog Math with Bad Drawings, ‘mathematicians struggle with math problems just like third graders do, but they’ve learned to sit with this stuckness’. Stuckness is uncomfortable, and finding an escape route is tempting — like catching up on Facebook, scrolling through our Twitter feed, or playing a game of Solitaire or Candy Crush.

But escaping rarely helps solve stuckness

The Navy Seals test their ability to deal with stuckness by ‘drown-proofing’ — their feet are bound together, their hands are tied behind their back, and they’re thrown into a nine-foot-deep pool (never try this!).

Amazingly, the key to their survival is not strength, not endurance, not even their ability to swim. Author Mark Manson describes how the key to survival is to let yourself sink to the bottom of the pool, and then gently push off to get back to the surface to catch a breath. So, the key is to stop doing and to just be.

Our human instinct is to fight; to try to untie our strings, to take control, to do. But sometimes it’s better to do nothing and to stay with our fears until a solution shows itself.

Last year, I nearly fell to pieces

At the time, I blamed my breakdown on a failed swimming experiment – But in truth, years of chronic pain and fatigue had eroded my resilience. As a doer, I push my boundaries all the time, and when I pushed too far, I crashed and felt like my life was falling apart. What if I never get my old energy back? I was afraid of losing myself.

For several years, I’ve practised mindfulness, and it has helped me deal with my writing frustrations. Instead of escaping, I know how to stay with my stuckness, find a way through, and stick to writing.

When we learn to sit with our discomfort, we can approach our stuckness with a sense of curiosity. What are we feeling? How is our body reacting? When we connect with ourselves, we can find a surprising sense of inner calmness, even amidst dark chaos or despair. When we are prepared to listen rather than run away, we can hear the whispers of our heart and pay attention to the wisdom of our soul.

Slowly, I am learning that what I do — or how much or how little I do — doesn’t define who I am. I’m learning to be more comfortable with being. With being fearful, being sad, even with being happy. I’m learning to just be.

By Henneke enchantingmarketing.com